Chapter Text
Friday
Eddie sighs heavily as a prompt pops up on his screen, asking him to release his spirit. He clicks on the button and the screen gains a blue and grey tint, the ghostly form of his character appearing in a graveyard. That’s the fourth time tonight. This is why he doesn’t usually play without the kidlets. People can be really mean in this game. All he wants to do is the stupid dungeon, and not even for the loot. He wants the story, but there’s a group of people camped outside the entrance, preventing him from being able to get inside. This wouldn’t be a problem if he had the kidlets, because they all have higher-leveled characters to help get Eddie through contested territories.
All right, technically he’s going into Horde territory, but it’s hardly his fault Shadowfang Keep is over there!
He types a message into the world chat, asking if anyone wants to run the dungeon with him, simply to see if he can get any Alliance players to show up to help him just get past the camped Horde players. The dungeon itself won’t be a problem to finish alone, since Eddie is way over-leveled for it, but he can’t even get into it. Not for the first time, he grumbles at the kidlets. When Henderson insisted that Eddie play this game, Eddie immediately wanted to be a Tauren. But nooo. All the kidlets had already maxed out their Horde characters and they wanted to play Alliance, and if they all wanted to play together, he’d have to play Alliance. So now he’s a space goat, clip-clopping around Azeroth. Granted, being a shaman is pretty fun, and he’s enjoying the gameplay and he really likes the lore, but in his experience, no one else cares about the story, instead wanting to rush through dungeons just to get the loot.
Eddie wouldn’t even be playing by himself except there’s a basketball game or something that Sinclair is playing in, and all the kidlets are going to cheer him on. And while Eddie likes them all – willingly DMing their campaigns for years – sitting through a sports event sounds like literal torture.
Frankly, it should be embarrassing that a bunch of high schoolers have higher-level characters than he does, but he’s a grown adult with an actual job. Well, there’s also the fact that he’s only recently gotten a legitimate gaming computer thanks to finally having the money to splurge on such an expense. When Dustin harassed Eddie into playing this game, Eddie only acquiesced because it’s free to play.
And now he’s playing along and staring at the world chat, completely ignored.
Damn it. Eddie starts walking his character back to his body. He’ll try one more time and if he can’t get through to the dungeon, he’s going to log off and go to bed. Or something. He wanders over to where the Horde players are camped, three of them at level 73. Of course Eddie’s level 40 will do nothing against them. Fortunately, right now, he’s dead, so they can’t do anything to him. Eddie waits until the prompt to "resurrect now” pops up on his screen. He walks as far away from the camped players and his corpse as possible, like he has the other three times he died. He clicks the button and starts his character running in the opposite direction, hoping to get out of this stupid situation.
Fortunately, the players don’t follow him, apparently content to just keep him from entering the dungeon at all. Ugh. Eddie just wants the story. He knows it has something to do with the worgen, which was actually his first choice for a character race, but he couldn’t be a shaman worgen, so he went with draenei instead.
A message pops up in the local chat – a whisper directly to Eddie himself. He looks around, but he can’t see who’s speaking to him. Maybe they saw his message in world chat and just directly messaged him about it?
[TheHair] whispers: stay there.
Eddie frowns at his computer screen. He looks around again, still not seeing anything. He looks back towards the camped Horde players and startles when an Alliance player swoops down from the damn sky. He’s got a flying mount! Eddie watches, jaw agape, as this new player utterly demolishes the other players, killing them all in quick succession. As far as Eddie can tell, he didn’t even take damage. Everything happens so quickly that Eddie doesn’t even have time to blink before the character runs over to him.
He’s a human paladin with long golden hair, and the most intense armor set that Eddie has ever seen. The sprite looks like one of the elite NPCs instead of a player.
[TheHair] whispers: want help for the dungeon?
[TheHair] whispers: i can run w/ u
Eddie scrambles for his keyboard, trying to remember how to whisper to someone.
[Ixamos] whispers: YES
[Ixamos] whispers: THANK U SO MUCH
[Ixamos] whispers: those guys killed me 4 times
[TheHair] whispers: yeah, people can be awful
[TheHair] whispers: dont worry, i got u
TheHair, whoever he is, bows and then leads Eddie to the entrance of the dungeon. Before they walk inside, Eddie gets a pop-up inviting him to join a party with TheHair. Eddie accepts immediately and then follows him through the swirling blue mist and inside the dungeon proper. He watches the cut scene, completely invested in the story and what is happening with this keep. When he comes out of it, TheHair is just standing there, waiting patiently.
[Party] [TheHair]: watching the cutscene?
[Party] [Ixamos]: yeah
[Party] [Ixamos]: i like the lore
[Party] [TheHair]: cool
TheHair turns to the right and just starts killing everything in the vicinity. He doesn’t loot anything, but he also doesn’t move from the room until Eddie has gone through everything and looked everywhere. It’s really kind of him, just being calm and patient while Eddie pays attention to all the conversations and all the details the game gives him about the story.
[Party] [TheHair]: if u need me to carry stuff for u, i can
God, this guy is so damn nice. Eddie fumbles at his keyboard to tell him so.
[Party] [Ixamos]: just a regular knight in shining armor
[Party] [TheHair]: im partial to babysitting
Eddie snickers, even though that’s sort of insulting to him as a player. It’s still funny, because Eddie definitely needs the help whenever he can get it. Not that he’s bad at the game, but he grew up poor – video games were a luxury Uncle Wayne couldn’t afford. So this is really the first video game he’s ever played. So, yeah, he needs babysitting, but he’s not self-conscious about it.
[Party] [TheHair]: sry, i didnt mean that in a bad way
[Party] [Ixamos]: its fine
[Party] [Ixamos]: i know im bad
[Party] [TheHair]: ur not bad, just not experienced
[Party] [TheHair]: and u were getting ganked for no reason
God, this man is nice. Well, maybe a man. There’s a distinctive chance TheHair is a woman, though Eddie isn’t going to try to guess one way or the other. At this point, because the sprite is male, Eddie’s just going to use that until proven otherwise.
In any case, TheHair is being genuinely kind, which is a first for Eddie. Most of the time, Eddie plays with the kidlets, so he doesn’t have to interact with anyone else, but on the nights when he’s played alone, he’s run into a lot of assholes. Some people are nice, but it’s usually a short interaction – a warning of Horde players, an offer to trade, an acceptance to help Eddie run a dungeon – and as soon as the required communication is done, the person is gone again. This guy, whoever he is, is actually engaging with Eddie, and he’s being really nice about the whole thing, especially since this is so far below his ability, it’s not even funny.
[Party] [Ixamos]: u rly are a knight in shining armor
[Party] [Ixamos]: here to protect me and my self esteem, lol
[Party] [TheHair]: im not
[Party] [TheHair]: im just a guy
[Party] [Ixamos]: my hero <333
All right, so maybe Eddie shouldn’t be flirting with a stranger on the internet, but sue him. He’s been single for a long time, and he’s allowed to flirt if he wants to. Granted, if TheHair is actually a woman, that would be awkward, since he’s not interested.
Eddie rubs at his eyes. He’s not interested anyway, because this is online and whoever TheHair is, he probably lives across the country or something, and there’s no possible way that anything more than polite flirting will happen. Technically there could be more eventually, but Eddie’s never heard of people actually meeting people they’ve met in an online game. Online dating, sure, but actually having a relationship with someone through World of Warcraft?
Eddie just needs to get laid. This is why he’s just flirting with a random internet stranger.
[Party] [TheHair]: lol
[Party] [TheHair]: i get that one a lot
[Party] [Ixamos]: WHAT?!?
[Party] [Ixamos]: ur seeing other ppl?!
TheHair’s sprite starts laughing, which makes Eddie grin in victory. At least he can get random internet strangers to laugh.
[Party] [TheHair]: ur not the first person ive babysat, no
[Party] [Ixamos]: how dare u
[Party] [Ixamos]: there is NO ONE like me
[Party] [TheHair]: thats true
[Party] [Ixamos]: if u get called a hero all the time, i gotta find something better
[Party] [TheHair]: ???
[Party] [Ixamos]: princess
[Party] [TheHair]: ?????????
[Party] [Ixamos]: yep, ur a pretty, pretty princess
[Party] [TheHair]: ……………….
[Party] [TheHair]: u r so weird
[Party] [Ixamos]: yep
This might be the dumbest conversation Eddie has ever had in his life. For one, he literally doesn’t know a damn thing about the other player. Maybe he’s a guy who takes everything too seriously and is either going to report Eddie or throw a fit, or get all his high-level buddies to come gank Eddie ad nauseum for Eddie daring to make a joke. Still, Eddie’s a shithead, and he knows it. If TheHair doesn’t like the pet name, he can fuck off. Eddie’s having fun either way.
Eddie gets distracted as they walk into the next room, where another conversation happens.
[Party] [Ixamos]: IVAR BLOODFANG!
[Party] [Ixamos]: hes so cool
Eddie probably sounds like a total moron at the moment, thanks entirely to being too excited about lore.
[Party] [TheHair]: yeah, he is
Eddie blinks. Apparently, TheHair likes the story, too. Well, that’s cool. Eddie doesn’t feel so alone in this endeavor. Eddie watches the rest of the conversation and then turns towards TheHair.
[Party] [TheHair]: all right, o wise one
[Party] [TheHair]: ready to move on?
[Party] [Ixamos]: yes, princess
Eddie’s gut flips upside down at the endearment. He has no idea why he cares, since TheHair is still a stranger, but it… it feels really nice. Intimate, almost. Since it’s just the two of them in this dungeon, TheHair is only saying it for Eddie. And he hasn’t asked Eddie to stop the “princess” bit. So, he must like it. Or he’s just committing to the bit. Either way, Eddie’s sort of in love already. A guy who’s genuinely nice in a game that Eddie really enjoys playing – despite all his complaining about it – who has accepted Eddie’s form of flirting and, without batting an eye, gave Eddie his own endearment.
It’s… unexpected. But really, really nice.
Eddie follows TheHair into the next room, and the next, and the next, following behind and picking up all the loot as TheHair stands guard in the doorways. And, since Eddie doesn’t actually get a chance to do anything, he just keeps flirting in chat. It’s probably a bad idea, and TheHair is probably never going to want to interact with him again, but this guy is just so damn nice, and it’s been too long since Eddie’s met anyone nice.
[Party] [Ixamos]: wow, ur so good at killing things
[Party] [Ixamos]: awwww, thnx for the loot, princess
[Party] [Ixamos]: ur so pretty when u save me from enemies
[Party] [Ixamos]: PRINCESS <33333
They make it all the way through the dungeon, TheHair standing over the glittering corpse of Archmage Arugal and waiting patiently for Eddie to gather what he wants. At one point, TheHair stops in place and starts crafting, right there in the middle of the dungeon. And then Eddie gets a pop-up asking to trade. And then he gets a bag from TheHair, helpfully with more slots than any other bag Eddie’s ever had. Now, Eddie’s bags are almost full to bursting, and it’s thanks entirely to TheHair.
[Party] [Ixamos]: im completely in luv w/ u
[Party] [TheHair]: i get that a lot
[Party] [Ixamos]: not from me, princess
[Party] [Ixamos]: im special
Eddie bows to TheHair, knowing that he’s not ever going to see this player again. The world is too wide, and the requisite interaction is over. The dungeon is done, and TheHair has done his due babysitting. And this is also why Eddie just knows an actual relationship will never work through a video game. Ah well. It was fun while it lasted.
[Party] [TheHair]: yes, u are, o wise one
[Party] [TheHair]: any other dungeons u need 2 do?
Eddie stares at the screen, heart in his throat. Yeah, he’s enjoying playing with TheHair, but he didn’t think he would get to experience anything more with this guy.
[Party] [TheHair]: but only if u want to
[Party] [Ixamos]: my princess… still taking care of me
[Party] [TheHair]: of course
[Party] [TheHair]: gotta take care of my wise one
Yeah. Eddie is definitely in love already.
Eddie plays for hours with TheHair, flirting incessantly, because why the fuck not? And, inexplicably, TheHair flirts back. Eddie has no idea who this guy is, but he has a sarcastic sense of humor that meshes perfectly with Eddie’s. And he’s still overwhelmingly patient and kind. Every dungeon, every questline, every little thing that Eddie needs or wants to get done, TheHair just follows along without hesitation or complaint. TheHair kills anything that even thinks about doing harm to Eddie, waiting calmly while Eddie loots, and making sure Eddie gets to have the time to read through all the quests, to listen to all the dialogue, to gather all the lore. And, when Eddie realizes it’s past midnight and he’s going to be miserable at work unless he goes to bed immediately, TheHair waves him off with a “sleep well, o wise one”.
Eddie likes it all too much, considering he’s never going to see the man again.
Saturday
“You played without us?!” Dustin yells in affront.
Eddie looks over his DM screen, eyeing all the teenagers settled around the table. He’s only got the boys today, because the girls decided that they wanted to go shopping at the mall or something. “I am a grown adult. I am allowed to play games without you.”
Dustin huffs out an irritated breath. “But we introduced you to the game! And we’re supposed to be leveling together!”
Eddie props his chin on his palm, more amused than anything else. “Then why are you all five levels higher than me?”
Dustin opens his mouth, realizes that he’s not about to win this argument, and decides, as usual, to go even more on the offensive. “We can’t make sure that you get the full, immersive experience if you run off without us!”
“Don’t you like playing with us?” Will asks, pulling his binder out of his backpack.
“Yes. But I also just like playing the game,” Eddie tells him. “Do you think this is the only D and D game that I run?”
“You DM other campaigns?!” Mike asks, mortally offended.
Eddie loves these absolute morons, he really does. But they can be so aggressively dense. He holds his arms out to encompass the whole room around them. “I own a game store. Not only do I run other D and D games, but I’m also playing in one right now. To say nothing of the Magic the Gathering decks I have, or the Yu-gi-oh tournaments I run. Contrary to popular belief, my life does not run around your personal interests.”
“Why do we even play WoW with you if you’re just going to run around without us?” Lucas asks the other kidlets, content to ignore Eddie’s very good argument.
“You are all on your third or fourth characters each,” Eddie reminds them.
“Yeah, but these characters were supposed to be with you,” Dustin retorts.
“Then why are you all five levels above me?” Eddie repeats the question.
None of them have an answer, because they absolutely play without him. Eddie doesn’t mind. He’s a grown adult and can play video games on his own.
“Well, how did you even get to Shadowfang Keep anyway?” Mike demands. “Horde players usually camp outside the entrance to gank anyone Alliance who wants to do that dungeon.”
“I noticed,” Eddie replies, mildly. “I got some help. A max-level paladin swooped in and walked me through the dungeon.”
“Really?!” All four boys perk up with interest.
“What’s his name?” Will asks.
“The Hair.”
Eddie feels like he’s in a fishbowl when four pairs of eyes stare at him, jaws agape.
“You met The Hair?!” Dustin all but shrieks.
“What’s he like?” Lucas demands.
“I can’t believe after all our years of playing you got to meet him!” Mike complains.
“That’s so cool!” Will bounces in his seat. “What was his equipment like?!”
Eddie gets overwhelmed by the four all demanding answers and explanations. He just sits there, silently waiting for them to wind down. It takes a few minutes, but eventually they all shut up. Mostly.
“I can’t believe you. You don’t play with us for one night and you get to meet The Hair!” Dustin whines.
“First of all,” Eddie begins, “I play without you four all the time.”
His words are apparently the equivalent of a bomb going off, because all four begin shrieking at him again. Once again, Eddie just waits for them to calm their shit. It takes longer this time.
“Secondly, he was very nice.”
Even Will rolls his eyes at Eddie. “Yeah, we know The Hair is nice. Everyone knows he’s nice.”
“I can’t believe you got The Hair to run you through Shadowfang Keep,” Lucas mutters.
“I don’t understand,” Eddie admits, “who is The Hair?”
“He’s only the coolest, most powerful, most awesome player in all of World of Warcraft,” Mike reports, almost irritated that Eddie does not know this.
“Guys, remember, I’ve only been playing for a couple months,” Eddie reminds them, “so I don't know all your fancy lore yet.”
“The Hair isn’t lore,” Will mutters, “he’s a legend.”
“He’s an Alliance hero,” Lucas adds. “He’s done every single thing in the game like ten times over.”
Eddie loves these kids, but seriously, they have to work on their ability to explain anything in a way that makes sense.
“Wait, is this guy why you four always chant ‘hair’ into chat three times before entering a dungeon or raid?” Eddie asks.
“Yes!” All four boys chorus, looking at him with mild irritation.
Eddie holds his hands up in surrender. “So… he’s a really good player?”
The sigh that Dustin lets out is so disappointed that Eddie almost apologizes, even though it’s not his fault the kids never explained anything to him. “The Hair is more than a player. He’s a good luck charm. Every raid he does is successful. If you’re lucky enough to have a raid with The Hair involved, you’re going to get the best drops of your life that raid.”
“He’s huge,” Will adds, “everyone knows about The Hair.”
“He’s got like a dozen guilds worshipping him,” Mike agrees, nodding solemnly.
“The Hair Fan Club, Followers of The Hair, The Hair’s Greatest Hits, We Love The Hair,” Lucas lists off. He shrugs. “If you chant ‘hair’ into chat before a dungeon or raid, it gives you better drops. Not always perfect drops, because that only happens when he’s in your raid, but better than if you don’t.”
Eddie listens to the four wax poetic about this guy for another ten minutes, silently trying to put the picture they’re painting together with what he knows of having met the man. None of the kidlets have ever had their raids graced with the arrival of TheHair, and they’re all disappointed about it, but they all know someone who knows someone who has been blessed by TheHair’s luck, so they are devout believers in the Cult of The Hair – which is also apparently its own guild as well. The guy didn’t seem to be a WoW cryptid when Eddie was flirting incessantly with him, but to be fair, Eddie pays very little attention to the social side of the game, preferring to focus on the story.
“Well, I’m probably never going to see him again. So, shall we continue your campaign or do you want to just talk about how much you love this guy you’ve never met before for the rest of our time here?” Eddie asks.
Well, he successfully offended the children into focusing on D&D, which isn’t much, but at least it’s something he’s actually good at.
Sunday
The next time Eddie logs onto the WoW server, he sees a little envelope icon on his minimap. He has no idea who is sending him mail. It might be from one of the kidlets. Eddie hovers his mouse over the envelope and it tells him the message is from TheHair.
Huh. Eddie has no idea why the man is sending him anything at all, but he’s not about to argue. Eddie is going to have to go to the postbox to find out what was sent, but he already knows the kids are going to lose their collective shit when they learn Eddie is receiving stuff from TheHair himself. They’re all busy at the moment, but they’re going to join him later, and when they hear about this, they’re going to freak out.
Eddie opens the message with only a little trepidation.
O Wise One – I found some stuff that might help you out. Use it, or not. Whatever is best for your build. Oh, and let me know when you want to run Firelands, and I can babysit you through it. Can’t be leaving my wise one without protection. – Princess
Oh. Oh, no. Eddie really is in love with the guy already.
Attached to the letter is a ton of gold and a slew of equipment, some of it is a little higher than Eddie’s current level, but all of it is better than what he’s using. He happily swaps the better equipment on. Then, because he’s actually a masochist, figures out how to write and send a letter back. He doesn’t have any money or equipment that would be of any use to someone like TheHair, but he can at least show his appreciation.
My darling princess graces me with gifts that I am unworthy of! Thank you so much. I really appreciate you running me through stuff and saving my butt from higher-level players. I will let you know when I am ready for Firelands, but I’m pretty sure I’d die if I tried that now. Thanks again, princess. – The Wisest of Ones
Eddie sends that note away with the dumbest grin on his face. And then he goes through his quest log, trying to decide what he’s going to do while he waits for the kidlets to get online. He could run over to the Badlands to try to get some levels, and hope that there’s not too many Horde players lurking around…
[TheHair] whispers: what are u up to, o wise one?
Eddie’s heart stops in his chest and he can’t help the semi-hysterical giggle that bubbles out of his chest. He quickly types a message back.
[Ixamos] whispers: trying 2 decide what 2 do
[TheHair] whispers: i can run w/ u
[TheHair] whispers: if u want
[Ixamos] whispers: i would love nothing more, princess <333
Eddie waits for TheHair to add him to a party and then tries not to lose his damn mind that he’s getting another opportunity to play with his new favorite person.
[Party] [TheHair]: do u want 2 voice chat?
[Party] [TheHair]: its easier than typing
Voice chat? Eddie is going to get to hear TheHair speak?!
[Party] [Ixamos]: YES
[Party] [Ixamos]: so… how do i do that?
[Party] [TheHair]: lol
Eddie fumbles for the headset that Dustin insisted he get, while TheHair types out instructions for Eddie to follow in order to set up a party voice chat. It takes a few minutes, and in that time, TheHair’s character shows up, standing next to Eddie’s character patiently. As Eddie is scrolling through the options and double-checking that his microphone even works, he realizes that a crowd is gathering around where they’re standing. A similar thing happened the other night while they were playing, but Eddie didn’t think it had anything to do with them.
Now, he can see people bowing and in the local chat people are losing their absolute shit, fawning and begging for a scrap of TheHair’s attention. It’s kind of overwhelming. And somehow, TheHair can just ignore all of it for the sake of paying attention to Eddie.
Being more interesting than a literal crowd of fans gives Eddie butterflies.
“Can you hear me?”
The velvet tones of TheHair’s voice wrap around Eddie like a soft blanket. Oh, fuck. TheHair is a guy. And his voice is gorgeous. Eddie swallows tightly, trying to keep his voice from cracking, because he was already in love and now he’s utterly smitten.
“Yes! Can you hear me?”
TheHair chuckles and that is problematic for Eddie’s sanity. First of all, he’s nice. And then, he’s generous. And he also is funny and smart. And now he’s got the voice of a god. And him laughing in Eddie’s ears is going to do things to Eddie that are highly embarrassing for a man of his age.
“Yeah, I can hear you, wise one.”
Oh. Oh, no. That is fond amusement in TheHair’s voice! This is the worst thing to ever happen to Eddie ever in his life.
“Good god, could you possibly be less sexy, princess?”
Yeah. Eddie’s an idiot. Why would he say that to a literal stranger? A stranger who is apparently a cryptid of this godforsaken game.
TheHair laughs again. “You first.”
Eddie drops his head onto his desk with a groan. This man is too gorgeous for words and Eddie knows exactly nothing about him. “Seriously. You’re going to kill me.”
“Don’t die. Then who would I have to babysit?”
“Literally any of your adoring fans,” Eddie replies, sitting upright. “Look around, princess, your crowd loves you.”
He sees TheHair turn around, watches the way the other players lose their damn minds about it, witnesses the things people yell – things that span the spectrum of appropriate and adoring to aggressive innuendos to blatant remarks that would get them banned from the servers entirely if they got reported. It’s… really disgusting actually. Eddie wonders why TheHair even likes playing the game when he’s treated like public property. Eddie got ganked by Horde players just for existing, but TheHair has it worse. He’s loathed by the Horde because he’s good at the game, and he’s ogled like fresh meat by the Alliance.
Eddie is not about to add to the pile.
“And yet none of them compare to the sheer love and affection I have for you, as the one you have to hard carry through easy dungeons,” Eddie adds, trying to change the topic. “Speaking of that, what did you want to do this fine evening?”
“Whatever you want to do,” TheHair says, voice a little on edge. “Hey, I’ll be right back.”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Eddie mutters.
“I do want to,” TheHair interrupts him, “I just don’t think we need to have an audience.”
“I was going to run over to the Badlands,” Eddie tells him.
“I’ll meet you there, wise one.”
TheHair’s sprite runs off, the mob of people following diligently behind him.
Eddie melts in his seat. Fucking hell, TheHair is too much for his poor brain to handle. Eddie wanders over to the flight master to catch a griffon over to the Badlands, ignoring the few players who stayed behind probably to figure out who he is. He starts running around, muttering to himself the way he always does.
“Why are there so many earth elementals?”
“Die, ye ogre.”
“A-ha! Take that!”
“Oooh, loot.”
“Oh my god, you’re so cute.”
Eddie shrieks, all but falling out of his chair as TheHair’s voice comes out of fucking nowhere. “Fuck me, princess, are you trying to give me a heart attack?!”
“You’re too young for a heart attack.”
Eddie looks up to see TheHair on his flying mount. He can hear the smile in the man’s voice. “I’m thirty-one, thank you very much. I will be thirty-two in six months.”
“Still too young for a heart attack,” TheHair replies.
“As opposed to you, oh high and mighty one?” Eddie asks.
TheHair laughs. “I’m thirty.”
Jesus fucking Christ, and the man is actually Eddie’s age. Eddie should really stop talking to this guy. Immediately. He’s getting unduly attached to a guy who probably lives across the country. He’s got to stop. He should go out one night, to a bar or something, pick up a cute guy, and get his rocks off, because he shouldn’t be falling in love with a guy on World of Warcraft!
“Mmm sexy age, princess.”
But apparently Eddie is a moron, who just has to flirt.
TheHair keeps laughing, the sound lighting Eddie up from the inside out. “We’re the same age!”
“So, I know what I’m talking about.”
“You really are so damn cute,” TheHair replies.
Eddie’s face starts to burn. It doesn’t make any sense, though. He’s been flirted with by attractive guys before. He even did one of those online dating websites once as a dare from Chrissy, so he’s even gotten compliments and flirty comments from strangers on the internet before. Something about TheHair is different, earnest and real in a way that Eddie hasn’t really experienced before.
“Well, you get to have the fun job of babysitting a newbie,” Eddie tries to change the subject because he really has no idea how to handle whatever the hell is happening right now. “Aren’t you lucky?”
“I am,” TheHair agrees. “I get to follow your cute butt around and listen to you talk to the enemies and get excited over loot.”
“And I get to have my own knight in shining armor protect me from anyone who would do me harm,” Eddie flirts right back, because he just cannot help himself. “Seriously, princess, you should strike a heroic pose or something whenever you rescue my dumb ass.”
“Seriously, you’re doing really well,” TheHair argues. “I’ve helped a few players with this game, and you’re doing awesome. Especially since you’re into the story. A lot of people start playing and then give up on the lore really fast in favor of running dungeons and raids and leveling up.”
“Oh, voice chat with all your adoring protégés?” Eddie asks, because he is actually a masochist.
“No. Just my wise one.” TheHair says the words with just a hint of self-consciousness, like he’s not sure how Eddie’s going to take the reveal. Silly man, Eddie is already planning their wedding.
“You mean I am the only one lucky enough to experience my sweet princess in all his gorgeousness?!” Eddie gasps, trying to get another laugh out of TheHair.
He succeeds, TheHair’s bright giggles infecting Eddie until his face hurts with his grin.
“You’re so weird.”
Eddie laughs. “Yes, I am. But not too weird, right?”
TheHair hums. “No. Exactly the right kind of weird.”
Eddie feels like he could fucking fly at the compliment.
“Anyway, I’m sorry about the people earlier. I usually don’t stop in one place for too long, or I attract a crowd.” TheHair sounds chagrined. “I hope no one bothered you.”
“Nope. Why do you get followed around anyway? Like, I know you’re max level, but that’s a little creepy.” Okay, so maybe Eddie has already gotten the scoop from the kidlets, but TheHair doesn’t need to feel any more self-conscious about his popularity than he obviously already is.
“You don’t know?”
“I know that people chant ‘hair’ into chat before going into a raid or a dungeon,” Eddie says, honestly. “But you’re just a guy, right? Like you’re not one of the devs or anything, right?”
TheHair huffs out an incredulous breath, like he can’t believe Eddie doesn’t know. “You’re a lore whore, wise one, and you don’t know about me?”
“You’re in the lore?”
“No, I…” TheHair sighs heavily. “No, I’m just… I’ve been playing since the game came out. A few of my early raids were really lucky, and we all got the best drops. And then one raid went viral. Some idiot ran off before the group was ready and I had to hard-carry the whole raid. Managed to win by the skin of our teeth, but I became a sort of legend after that. Technically, you can get ‘Hair’ as a title in the game, now, if you get a certain achievement.”
“Well, I’ve only been playing the game for two months,” Eddie tells him, “and there’s a lot of story. Besides, my character is barely leveled enough for raids at this point. So, no, I didn’t know about any of that.”
“I…” TheHair sighs again. “I kinda hoped that, after last time. When we played, I… I got the feeling that you thought of me as just another player. It’s really nice. Just being a person again.”
Eddie chews on that for a moment. “But you aren’t just a person.” He can hear TheHair suck in a breath, probably about to duck out as quickly as possible, afraid that Eddie is another adoring fan. Which, to be fair, Eddie absolutely is, but not for the raid stuff. “You’re my pretty, pretty princess. And I would like to run around and get levels, if you don’t mind.”
TheHair huffs out a surprised laugh. “As you wish, oh wise one.”
Eddie runs around the Badlands with TheHair for a while, flirting incessantly, because he really cannot help himself, and falling more and more in love with the guy behind the computer screen every passing second. Eddie refuses outright to talk about TheHair’s cryptid status or the fact that sometimes, when they stop for too long, Eddie can see other players starting to gather. He tries to keep their long stops outside main hubs to avoid the crowds. TheHair is just as patient and kind and charming as he was over chat, but now Eddie can hear his laughter, can experience the sarcasm firsthand, and Eddie might not know a damn thing about this man, but he wants to sink to his knees to ruin him.
Okay, maybe he’s just horny.
“Shit. I’ve gotta go, wise one,” TheHair says, sounding full of regret.
“No! My princess abandons me to my fate!” Eddie replies, making TheHair chuckle.
“No, it’s my roommate. She’s back with her girlfriend. I have no intention of being forced to third-wheel because they just can’t keep their hands off each other.”
“Good luck,” Eddie replies.
“Hey, when are you going to play next?”
Eddie’s heart flips in his chest. “Probably tomorrow night.”
He can hear TheHair smile. “See you tomorrow night, wise one.”
And then TheHair is gone. Eddie sighs and drops his face onto his desk again, breathing hard. Somehow, he came out of this interaction not like a complete moron while also having the biggest crush known to mankind on an actual stranger.
God, he’s so fucking weird.
When Eddie finally looks up at his screen, he can see Dustin’s sprite jumping up and down in front of him, yelling at Eddie to pay attention to him. The other three boys are not far behind, and they all excitedly start spamming chat, which, as usual, gets overwhelming quickly.
[Ixamos]: hey, can we voice chat instead?
It takes the boys approximately ten seconds to get everyone in a party and then Eddie gets the dulcet tones of four teenagers screaming in his ear. Okay, maybe voice chat was a mistake.
“How do you know about voice chat?!” Mike yells.
“We haven’t taught you that, yet!” Lucas adds.
“TheHair taught me,” Eddie admits. “He was just on, helping me level.”
The outraged shrieking from the four boys is absolutely worth it.