ctl + alt = delete urself

by spoopie_tsumtsum

Summary:

nishinoya decideds to make a little server for his feral little gremlins 👹😈

Chapter 1

Notes:

1. Atsumu – miya_thighs13

2. Oikawa – cosmic_serves17

3. Akaashi – punctuation_king

4. Sugawara – momfriend_supremacy

5. Hinata – lil_sunburn21

6. Yamaguchi – freckle_freak

7. Yahaba – hydroflask_hero

8. Nishinoya – rollingthunder69

9. Suna – eyebags_and_chaos

10. Yaku – tinybutdeadly

11. Terushima – bleached__

12. Tendou – cocoafreak666

13. Shirabu – pager_beeper_md

14. Kenma – laggingirlboss

15. Kunimi – napking

16. Goshiki – bangs_and_brain

17. Hanamaki – pinkslip_prince

18. Hoshiumi – vertically_challenged

19. Kita – riceislife

20. Ennoshita – mr_therapist

—— rollingthunder69 has created power bottoms united™ ——

---

rollingthunder69: WELCOME TO THE HOT MESS EXPRESS 🥳

rollingthunder69: no refunds. no sanity. just gay.

 

miya_thighs13: what the fuck is this

miya_thighs13: why is the name that. why am i here

miya_thighs13: also. sup 😏

 

cosmic_serves17: 😭😭😭 i knew this day would come

cosmic_serves17: hello girls gays and disaster bi’s

cosmic_serves17: atsumu i see u lurking with that thicc dumptruck of yours 💋

 

miya_thighs13: DONT TALK BOUT MY ASS LIKE THAT

miya_thighs13: it’s genetic

 

cocoafreak666: i for one support objectifying atsumu

cocoafreak666: that ass got PLOT DEVELOPMENT

 

freckle_freak: why are we screaming

freckle_freak: also hi

 

napking: i was napping. who added me. explain yourselves.

napking: also i can feel oikawa typing from across the globe. he’s coming.

 

cosmic_serves17: 🫣 guilty

cosmic_serves17: consider this revenge for not answering my texts in 2018

 

punctuation_king: I would like to formally request a name change for this server. This is embarrassing.

punctuation_king: Also, please use proper punctuation.

 

riceislife: No.

 

punctuation_king: fair.

 

tinybutdeadly: did anyone else notice we haven’t talked about volleyball once

tinybutdeadly: and we’re all professional athletes or something???

 

bleached__: oh we’re supposed to talk about that here 😭

bleached__: i thought this was like. therapy but louder.

 

momfriend_supremacy: someone needs to keep this group on track

momfriend_supremacy: also hello <3 stay hydrated!! love u!!

 

eyebags_and_chaos: i just woke up and i’m already tired

eyebags_and_chaos: why does it feel like a cult in here

eyebags_and_chaos: no one answer that

 

laggingirlboss: my dyslexia said what the hell is punctuation

laggingirlboss: anyway i brought snacks

laggingirlboss: i mean i ordered food and forgot it existed and now it’s cold

 

pager_beeper_md: i have an actual job

pager_beeper_md: y’all need supervision

 

vertically_challenged: my adhd said let’s GO

vertically_challenged: i’ve had three red bulls

vertically_challenged: who’s fighting me first

 

hydroflask_hero: you spelled “feral” wrong it’s spelled m-e

hydroflask_hero: also i’m currently at work so if i disappear i got fired

 

bangs_and_brain: this server name is a hate crime

bangs_and_brain: also can someone please tell me why my shampoo exploded in my bag

bangs_and_brain: it’s giving war crime

 

mr_therapist: this is not what therapy is.

mr_therapist: stop saying “this is my therapy” and then trauma dump and log off

 

pinkslip_prince: be honest. how many of us are actually employed rn

pinkslip_prince: asking for noya. he said he’s a full-time adventurer or some shit

 

rollingthunder69: 🧭✨FULL TIME EXPLORADORA✨🧭

rollingthunder69: also yes i break the fourth wall what about it??

rollingthunder69: everyone’s gay. you’re gay. i’m gay. the reader’s gay. even kita. especially kita.

rollingthunder69: i know who y’all like too. u delulu hoes. 😏

 

riceislife: Please do not include me in this.

riceislife: But yes.

 

lil_sunburn21: ok wait

lil_sunburn21: WHY are we all single but also like. in love.

lil_sunburn21: it’s giving fanfiction

lil_sunburn21: insert fake gasp here

 

cocoafreak666: i am choosing to spiral instead of answering that

 

eyebags_and_chaos: this server’s ratio of sanity to simping is 1:19

 

miya_thighs13: and it ain’t me with the sanity 😌

 

cosmic_serves17: i swear to god if one more person thirsts in my dms and then says “haha just kidding unless—”

cosmic_serves17: i will fly to japan and commit crimes

 

punctuation_king: Is anyone going to say anything intelligent?

 

napking: kenma just spelled “definitely” as “definately” so. no.

 

laggingirlboss: i am doing my best. no i’m not. send help.

 

momfriend_supremacy: you’re all disasters. <3

 

freckle_freak: this chat is so loud. why is it so loud. i can feel it vibrating in my soul

 

bleached__: cause the group’s full of ADHD gays with no chill

 

rollingthunder69: I CAME HERE TO BE GAY AND LOUD 😤

rollingthunder69: and also maybe stir chaos and reveal secrets hehehe

rollingthunder69: 🏳️‍🌈🔪

 

mr_therapist: i’m going to pretend i didn’t read that

mr_therapist: i know too much and not enough

 

tinybutdeadly: can someone mute this chat

tinybutdeadly: oh wait we can’t because we’re all codependent

 

cocoafreak666: someone hold my hand i think i forgot how to emotionally regulate again 🧍‍♂️

 

bangs_and_brain: GOSHIKI OUT

bangs_and_brain: trips over own feet

 

hydroflask_hero: someone bring back volleyball pls

hydroflask_hero: oh look a new message nvm

 

lil_sunburn21: WAIT do y’all remember that one time kita smiled and i cried???

 

riceislife: That never happened.

 

lil_sunburn21: IT DID. YOU JUST DIDN’T SEE IT.

 

eyebags_and_chaos: kita is the human equivalent of silent judgment

 

rollingthunder69: kita’s smile is like a solar eclipse. rare. terrifying. life-changing. 😳

 

punctuation_king: I am leaving.

punctuation_king: No one contact me unless it’s to proofread something or save me from this server.

 

napking: bold of you to assume we read things before posting

 

miya_thighs13: i read.

miya_thighs13: vibes.

 

cosmic_serves17: okay but fr who’s gonna break first and confess

cosmic_serves17: cause y’all are dying over your crushes and it’s killing ME

 

freckle_freak: not me

freckle_freak: i will be in love silently and suffer. like a man.

 

bleached__: real.

 

momfriend_supremacy: i believe in you. and also none of you. at the same time.

 

cocoafreak666: ok but can we PLEASE go one day without this spiraling into gay panic

 

rollingthunder69: no.

---

 

Notes:

guys i promise i didn’t forget the other gc. my brain just buffers.

guys i’m celiac, did i make suna and teru celiac bc i am.. yes yes i did.

Chapter 2

——power bottoms united™——

---

miya_thighs13:

Y’ALL

Y’ALL

Y’ALL

 

cosmic_serves17:

oh no.

it’s too early for your capslock energy. what happened. did u fart too hard again

 

miya_thighs13:

OSAMU.

GOT. A. GIRLFRIEND.

 

rollingthunder69:

👁️👁️

he what now

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

pause

girl what

 

napking:

i feel like i’m hallucinating and i just got here

 

freckle_freak:

since when is he not gay

like. i’m not even mad. i’m just confused

 

momfriend_supremacy:

maybe he’s bi?? maybe he’s exploring? maybe she’s lovely??

 

miya_thighs13:

NO

Y’ALL DON’T GET IT

he sent me a pic of him and her eating lunch together

SHE TOOK A BITE OUT OF HIS ONIGIRI.

DOES SHE KNOW HOW HARD HE PRESSES THAT RICE.

 

bleached__:

ate his rice in both ways 😩

 

punctuation_king:

Terushima.

 

bleached__:

what. 😇

 

cosmic_serves17:

wait okay but what does this mean for

you know who

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

first of all

fuck u

second of all

don’t look at me rn

 

lil_sunburn21:

wait is this abt osamu and—

OH. OH.

 

vertically_challenged:

wait so ur tellin me my man suna

is out here CRUSHING

and losing

to a woman who eats rice wrong

 

rollingthunder69:

as a certified plot device™ i KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN 😤

suna is gonna spiral

he’s gonna lose it

he’s gonna start speaking in lowercase italics

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

already there bro

 

napking:

kenma is boiling water right now

but he can’t read the ramen packet

pray for us

 

laggingirlboss:

i got this

i’ve made ramen like

at least once

 

pager_beeper_md:

you know suna can’t eat gluten right

 

freckle_freak:

wait.

does ramen have gluten.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i love that we live together

and you just now remembered my entire digestive condition

thank u for this betrayal

 

laggingirlboss:

i thought “celiac” was a vibes thing 😔

like “i’m a cancer rising” but spicy

 

cocoafreak666:

LMAOOOOOO

NOT A “VIBES DIAGNOSIS”

 

mr_therapist:

i am once again asking

why am i in this server

 

tinybutdeadly:

so no volleyball talk again i guess

 

hydroflask_hero:

we were supposed to talk about volleyball??

damn i thought we were here for emotional terrorism

 

rollingthunder69:

also update: i am in poland now

following ushijima around

like a sexy little bloodhound 🐾

 

cocoafreak666:

noya WHAT

 

rollingthunder69:

shhh it’s for tendou. he deserves a man with no emotions. and thick thighs.

i’m doing gods gayest work rn.

 

cosmic_serves17:

noya just casually time traveled to another continent for his ship

and y’all are still wondering if we’re unhinged

 

miya_thighs13:

y’all can say what u want but i’m not lettin no one slander suna rintarou

HE’S GONNA BE MY BROTHER-IN-LAW ONE DAY

and that’s on god, me, and kenma’s gluten-poisoned ramen

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

why do i lowkey appreciate that

but also pls stop calling me ur future brother-in-law

i’m having an identity crisis and my stomach hurts

 

napking:

did we ever figure out what the ramen label said

 

laggingirlboss:

it said “contains wheat.”

it was in english

i just didn’t believe it

 

riceislife:

Why are you like this.

 

bangs_and_brain:

i think suna’s about to start listening to sad lo-fi and stare at the wall for three hours

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

wrong. it’s already been four. time is fake. emotions are a scam.

osamu is straight now. i’m gonna eat drywall.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

what happened to open communication and talking to our crushes 🥺

 

vertically_challenged:

we’re gay. we spiral.

 

cocoafreak666:

osamu better choke on that girl’s onigiri

 

miya_thighs13:

HEY THAT’S MY BROTHER

also valid

 

rollingthunder69:

he’s not straight btw

this is just one of those plot diversions

it’s the “they kissed someone else before the main ship happens” trope

trust me i’m the narrator

 

freckle_freak:

WHY ARE YOU THE NARRATOR

 

rollingthunder69:

bc i said so 😌

anyway kenma and suna are platonic lovers who live together and emotionally support each other like single moms

you’ll find out next chapter

but i already know. cause i’m built diff 💅

 

cosmic_serves17:

the only consistent thing in this chat is noya acting like the author

 

mr_therapist:

i hate that that’s accurate

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i’m not crying

i’m emotionally leaking

 

miya_thighs13:

i still can’t believe osamu’s dating someone who eats rice like a sandwich

he deserves jail

 

napking:

i hope she gets soy sauce in her eye

 

laggingirlboss:

damn

okay y’all scary

 

pager_beeper_md:

i’m logging off

text me when someone confesses or combusts

 

tinybutdeadly:

that could be any second now tbh

 

lil_sunburn21:

sunaaaaa it’s okay

ur pretty and depressed

the gays love that

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

thanks

i’ll cry into the gluten-free miso soup

 

rollingthunder69:

this arc is gonna be juicy

wait until next chapter 😈

---

 

Chapter 3

power bottoms united™

 

— lil_sunburn21 has pinned a message: “suna and kenma live together??” —

---

lil_sunburn21:

wait wait wait

they live together??

LIKE IN A HOUSE???

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

not u acting like we didn’t mention this 2 chats ago

 

napking:

they’re reclusive. mysterious. hot. domestic.

but also disasters

 

laggingirlboss:

he calls it “cohabitating” like we’re sim characters or somethin

 

cosmic_serves17:

no bc the math ain’t mathing

WHO thought putting suna and kenma under ONE ROOF was a good idea??

like two cats in a blender

 

miya_thighs13:

one of em is literally named oscar

so ur not wrong

 

momfriend_supremacy:

wait how did i not know this 😭

what’s the apartment vibe?? is it like minimalist? chaotic? haunted?

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

it’s gay. that’s the vibe. gay and confusing.

we have three rice cookers but no spoons

 

laggingirlboss:

he threw out all the spoons cause “they betrayed him”

don’t ask. i didn’t

 

riceislife:

That is not how one should treat kitchenware.

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 update: i’m in ROME now

kageyama is at a cafe

wearing a hoodie like a divorced dad

yamaguchi deserves answers

and i will get them

 

freckle_freak:

NOYA YOU WERE IN POLAND SIX HOURS AGO

 

rollingthunder69:

time is fake. planes are real.

i travel with the power of gay panic and espresso

 

vertically_challenged:

he moves like a cryptid. but like. fruity.

a fruity cryptid with a mission

 

cocoafreak666:

he’s like if Dora had GPS and also deep emotional investment in every ship ever

 

punctuation_king:

If Kageyama sees you, you’re going to be tackled into the Tiber

 

rollingthunder69:

and i’ll thank him 😩

 

momfriend_supremacy:

y’all are wild but can we talk about something REAL

 

cosmic_serves17:

oh no

 

momfriend_supremacy:

MICHIMIYA.

HAS A CRUSH. ON DAICHI. 😭

and guess who saw it on her instagram story before she deleted it

ME.

 

bangs_and_brain:

oh my god you’re spiraling

 

miya_thighs13:

nah bro he’s COLLAPSING

he’s halfway to a breakdown and still spelling everything right

 

momfriend_supremacy:

i was gonna confess next month

AFTER the volleyball charity game

AFTER i made cookies

AFTER i baked him little volleyball shaped muffins with our initials

AND NOW SHE’S OUT HERE LIKING HIS PICS IN A FLORAL BLOUSE???

 

napking:

can’t compete with floral blouse energy bro

 

freckle_freak:

not the muffins 😭

 

hydroflask_hero:

bro thinks he’s in a kdrama rn

 

mr_therapist:

we are losing him

 

tinybutdeadly:

this is why i keep my feelings in a vault

like the scary old ones they put in museums

 

rollingthunder69:

also side note

someone tell hoshiumi to get OFF twitter rn

 

vertically_challenged:

WAIT WHAT

WHAT DID I DO

 

cosmic_serves17:

what didn’t you do.

you tweeted “LMAOOOOO walmart’s on fire rn and i’m living 😭🔥🔥🔥🔥”

with your location ON.

 

vertically_challenged:

SHIT I THOUGHT I WAS ON MY ALT

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

you HAVE an alt???

what’s the @. for research

 

laggingirlboss:

you live-tweeted a structural emergency

 

lil_sunburn21:

bro how did walmart even catch fire

 

vertically_challenged:

okay so apparently

if you microwave sushi

WITH THE FOIL STILL ON—

 

punctuation_king:

i’m blocking all of you

 

cocoafreak666:

hoshi ur the reason gay people can’t be trusted in public

 

bleached__:

not even walmart is safe from us 😔

 

pager_beeper_md:

someone sedate sugawara before he makes volleyball-shaped muffins for michimiya instead out of passive-aggressive spite

 

momfriend_supremacy:

they’re already in the oven

WITH POISON. THE POISON IS LOVE. I HATE IT HERE

 

napking:

this is why we spiral silently bro

shame is quieter than public rejection

 

freckle_freak:

do you guys think kageyama’s noticed noya

like. actually noticed

 

rollingthunder69:

nah

he looked at me once

but i think he thought i was a pigeon

 

riceislife:

Honestly, that tracks.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

someone remind me to buy new spoons

kenma’s using a fork to stir miso soup

and now there’s soy paste on the cat

 

laggingirlboss:

he walked through the bowl like it was a suggestion

he’s the alpha now

 

pinkslip_prince:

the cat??

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

obviously

 

cosmic_serves17:

this chapter got away from us fast

 

mr_therapist:

like kenma’s ability to identify gluten

 

punctuation_king:

or hoshiumi’s ability to not arson a superstore

 

vertically_challenged:

OKAY BUT THE FIRE WAS CONTAINED

eventually

 

momfriend_supremacy:

i hate it here

but also i need to stay and see who snaps next

 

rollingthunder69:

i give it 2 hours before someone confesses via typo

 

miya_thighs13:

or by sending the wrong pic to the wrong chat

👀

 

cosmic_serves17:

wait WHAT PICS. ATSUMU.

 

miya_thighs13:

😏

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i’m gonna throw my phone at a wall

but i live here

so maybe not

---

 

Chapter 4

power bottoms united™

 

— cocoafreak666 has changed the group name to “sad chocolate boi hour™” —

---

cocoafreak666:

welcome.

it’s that time again.

grab your tissues, your trauma, and a piece of chocolate that tastes like your ex.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

oh no

what happened

again

 

freckle_freak:

we just woke up tendou

why are you spiraling already

 

cocoafreak666:

i saw a couple kiss under the eiffel tower and cried

then i dropped my last truffle into a gutter

and THEN i walked past a chocolate shop that looked like ushijima’s eyes if they were melted

 

pager_beeper_md:

what the fuck does that mean

 

napking:

no yeah i get that. keep going.

 

cocoafreak666:

thank u kunimi.

anyway.

today’s “sad chocolate boi hour” topic: why does love feel like a dessert i’ll never be allowed to taste 😔🍫

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 update: i’m also in paris now

hiding behind a statue of a horse

watching tendou cry into a biscotti

 

lil_sunburn21:

YOU WERE JUST IN ROME

HOW

 

rollingthunder69:

gay teleportation.

new skill unlocked.

level: menace.

 

vertically_challenged:

he really dora the exploradora

no map, no plan, just vibes

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

if dora had adhd, commitment issues, and a vendetta against straight people

 

bleached__:

holding the cake fork

hey does anyone know what “contains gluten” means

 

freckle_freak:

you didn’t

tell me you didn’t

 

bleached__:

i maybe ate an entire cake slice

maybe

maybe not

😇

 

miya_thighs13:

OH MY GOD YOU’RE CELIAC YOU’RE GONNA DIE

SOMEONE CALL— wait is shirabu on shift??

 

pager_beeper_md:

i am literally on a 12-hour ER shift right now

why are all of you determined to visit me by ambulance

 

bleached__:

idk doc maybe i just wanted to see ur pretty face 🤒💕

 

cosmic_serves17:

he is FLIRTING THROUGH A GLUTEN ATTACK

the commitment

 

mr_therapist:

can someone explain how this became normal

i feel like i’m trapped in a sitcom with no commercial breaks

 

cocoafreak666:

because pain is delicious when covered in 72% cocoa and denial

 

tinybutdeadly:

that’s a quote for your autobiography

 

bangs_and_brain:

no fr write that down

 

momfriend_supremacy:

back to tendou

sweetie are you okay

emotionally. physically. existentially

 

cocoafreak666:

physically? yes

emotionally? i’m a chocolate mousse

light. fluffy. full of secrets

and made to collapse

 

napking:

what does that even mean

 

laggingirlboss:

it means he’s spiraling in poetic metaphors again

last time he cried over a crème brûlée

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

he named the dessert “ushijima’s kiss”

it was weirdly romantic. i respected it

 

hydroflask_hero:

someone tell yamaguchi to get in here

he’s been muttering in the hallway for 10 minutes

 

freckle_freak:

i’m here

i’m just

i need a minute

 

miya_thighs13:

oh no what happened

did u see daichi shirtless again

 

freckle_freak:

worse.

KAGEYAMA REPLIED TO MY STORY

 

cosmic_serves17:

AS IN

LIKE A MESSAGE???

 

freckle_freak:

no worse

he reacted

with the 👀 emoji

AND THEN SAID “lol nice”

 

rollingthunder69:

that’s gay marriage in our language

 

mr_therapist:

you’re all so emotionally repressed it’s impressive

 

cocoafreak666:

what was the story tho. was it a thirst trap

 

freckle_freak:

it was me eating a popsicle

in the sun

WITHOUT THINKING

 

vertically_challenged:

oh that’s not even subtext

that’s just a freudian slip with sprinkles

 

napking:

that man wants to devour you like a protein bar after practice

i said what i said

 

miya_thighs13:

WAIT

WAIT

I’M GETTING AN UPDATE FROM SHIRABU

TERUSHIMA IS IN THE ER

WITH A CAKE FORK IN HIS MOUTH

 

pager_beeper_md:

i am literally holding his IV

he is smiling like an idiot

i hate him so much

 

bleached__:

love u too 😘

 

punctuation_king:

how are you flirting with a needle in your arm

 

bleached__:

i’m just built diff babygirl

 

rollingthunder69:

this is what happens when you don’t read food labels

celiac = chaos

not everyone is built like me and suna 😌

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

don’t lump me in with you

i have common sense

and gluten radar

 

laggingirlboss:

you literally almost ate soy sauce last week

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

we don’t speak of the soy sauce incident

 

lil_sunburn21:

someone please check on sugawara

he just texted me “i am the rejected cookie dough in the back of the fridge” and hasn’t said anything else

 

momfriend_supremacy:

i’m fine

i’m totally fine

love is a battlefield

and i forgot my helmet

 

cocoafreak666:

and yet you bake like you’re still trying to win daichi’s heart with muffins

suga. let go.

 

freckle_freak:

none of us are okay

it’s like the gay titanic in here

and we’re all emotionally clinging to the same door

 

tinybutdeadly:

at this point just sink

it’s warmer underwater

 

cosmic_serves17:

tendou

are you still sad

 

cocoafreak666:

yes

but i’m eating this croissant like it’s ushijima’s neck

so we’re fine

:)

 

rollingthunder69:

i love you all

but if no one confesses soon

i will start mailing glitter bombs

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

we deserve it

---

 

Chapter 5

power bottoms united™

 

— rollingthunder69 has changed the group name to “emotional damage & dairy-free desserts™” —

---

riceislife:

I would like to issue a formal statement.

I am NOT okay.

I am, in fact, spiraling.

 

freckle_freak:

oh shit

is this what kita spiraling looks like

do i screenshot this

 

napking:

he said “i’m spiraling” in complete sentences

with punctuation

this is worse than i thought

 

miya_thighs13:

oh god who do i have to kill

just give me a name

and a GPS coordinate

 

riceislife:

Aran

visited me

at the farm

unannounced

with flowers

and tea

and a picnic blanket

 

cocoafreak666:

oh no.

not the picnic blanket

not the “i wanna be domestic with you” energy

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

this feels like a shoujo manga except you’re a rice daddy and he’s the hot ex who brings daifuku

 

punctuation_king:

I feel like we should leave them alone

but also I’m nosy

 

cosmic_serves17:

don’t worry

noya’s gonna spill it all in 3…2…

 

rollingthunder69:

OH U MEAN HOW HE HELD YOUR HAND WHILE WATCHING THE SUNSET AND SAID “I MISSED THIS”?

and then helped you cover the seedlings before it rained?

and then KISSED YOUR TEMPLE BEFORE LEAVING LIKE A DAMN MAN IN A NOVEL?

 

riceislife:

Nishinoya.

How.

Do you know that.

 

rollingthunder69:

don’t worry abt it 😌

also i’m in germany now. their chocolate is better than their morals.

 

bleached__:

you were just in paris.

what are you.

a haunted eurail pass?

 

cosmic_serves17:

he’s Dora the Exploradora but powered by gay shipping and airport WiFi

 

mr_therapist:

i don’t even question it anymore

if noya says he knows, he knows

probably has a tracker on all of us

 

lil_sunburn21:

wait—

WHERE THE HELL WAS KITA LAST CHAPTER

 

freckle_freak:

WITH ARAN OBVIOUSLY

IN HIS EMOTIONS

AND IN HIS FEELS

 

napking:

he’s been touched emotionally

and possibly on the hand

 

tinybutdeadly:

guys

guys

focus

did no one else see ennoshita’s status

 

bangs_and_brain:

“in a relationship 💕” ???

WHO.

WHO TF IS DATING MR THERAPIST

 

mr_therapist:

that would be me

and tanaka

thanks

 

cosmic_serves17:

WHAT

EXCUSE ME

SINCE WHEN

 

rollingthunder69:

since the team reunion party when tanaka got drunk, kissed ennoshita behind the vending machine and said “you ground me, bro”

i was THERE

i saw the sparkles. the gay ones. the fate ones.

1 down, 19 to go 😌

 

punctuation_king:

Every time you open your mouth, it’s like reading fanfiction with spoilers

 

bleached__:

btw

hi

i’m still in the hospital

but i’m fine

the cake has left my system

but not my soul

 

pager_beeper_md:

he flirted with me while vomiting

i wish that was a joke

it’s not

 

freckle_freak:

we’re gonna need a celiac support group at this rate

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

speaking of which

hey kenma

you wanna explain the thing you just handed me???

 

laggingirlboss:

it was cake

it looked moist

it said “milk” and “sweet”

i thought it was nice

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

TRES.

LECHES.

THREE MILKS.

THREE!!!

 

napking:

so are we calling the ER again orrrrr

 

pager_beeper_md:

yes

he’s on his way

again

this is the second time this week

 

cosmic_serves17:

why do y’all act like gluten is a concept and not a literal threat

 

lil_sunburn21:

why do y’all act like love isn’t killing all of us slowly

 

momfriend_supremacy:

i’m so proud of ennoshita tho 🥺

like he did it. he confessed.

and now he’s dating someone with muscles AND daddy issues

 

miya_thighs13:

tanaka def calls him “babe” and flexes when he hands him a spoon

and somehow it works

 

cocoafreak666:

oh it 100% works

they probably go grocery shopping and bicker over the best shampoo scent

power couple vibes

 

pinkslip_prince:

one ship down

just nineteen of us feral gay freaks to go

 

rollingthunder69:

i will see all of you paired up if it’s the last thing i do

this server is just one long gay prophecy and i’m the chaotic chosen one

🐾✨🧭💘

 

riceislife:

I’m never spiraling in peace again, am I?

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

not while noya’s alive.

and definitely not while i’m in the ER.

again.

bc of tres. fucking. leches.

 

laggingirlboss:

he said he forgave me with his eyes 🥺

while clutching his stomach and glaring

 

pager_beeper_md:

stop feeding him desserts

you’re gonna kill my patient

 

punctuation_king:

can we all agree kenma should not have kitchen access

 

freckle_freak:

suna should come with a warning label tbh

“do not feed. will suffer. will roast you anyway.”

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i may be dying but at least i’m hot and petty

 

cosmic_serves17:

suna’s love language is passive-aggressively texting you from the ER

 

rollingthunder69:

and mine is watching from a rooftop with binoculars

😇

 

mr_therapist:

i would like to resign from this server

 

cocoafreak666:

nope.

u signed up for emotional damage.

now sit and sip your trauma tea

---

 

Chapter 6

Notes:

lowkey i’m at the hospital rn bc my dumbass ate cake 😍 and not the gluten free hehehehehehehheheheh

my roommate literally beat my ass in front of the nurses.. so like if anyone saw that shit no you didn’t. 😐

power bottoms united™

 

— vertically_challenged has renamed the server to “trauma tour: world edition™” —

---

vertically_challenged:

can i be feral for a second

like. extra feral. no leash. no meds.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

always.

go off little man

 

vertically_challenged:

MY EX

found my tiktok

commented “this aged well” on a vid of me smiling

LIKE HELLO?? i’m unwell. i’m literally unstable. that smile was FAKE

 

cocoafreak666:

oh no

hoshi’s in his villain origin arc 😭

 

freckle_freak:

wait which ex

the one who “accidentally” poured milk into your bed

or the one who made you get a matching tattoo in your sleep

 

vertically_challenged:

THE FIRST ONE

THE MILK DEMON

 

napking:

ok but why are you dating people who function like disney channel villains

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

because chaos recognizes chaos

also hoshiumi looks like he bites people and his ex probably liked that

 

laggingirlboss:

speaking of chaos

terushima just updated his story

from OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL

 

bleached__:

i’m FREEEEEEE 😩

no more gluten. no more needles. no more doc staring at me with disappointment.

 

pager_beeper_md:

you licked the walls, yuji

what was i supposed to do

 

bleached__:

THEY WERE CLEAN OKAY

also funny story

accidentally set a car on fire in the parking lot. not mine. idk whose. i ran

 

tinybutdeadly:

YOU WHAT

 

miya_thighs13:

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT IN TEXT

THIS IS EVIDENCE

 

bleached__:

no it’s fine

i used incognito mode while panicking

 

cosmic_serves17:

that’s not how it works bro

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 update: i’m in norway now

buying mittens

eating chocolate

watching your lives crumble like ikea furniture

 

riceislife:

Come home.

 

rollingthunder69:

awwwww you miss me

🥺🥺🥺🥺

 

riceislife:

No.

You’re on an international watchlist.

 

punctuation_king:

i visited bokuto at msby practice today

just wanted to say that i am fine.

i am fine.

he was talking to a girl.

with long hair.

i’m going to be sick

 

momfriend_supremacy:

akaashi baby nooooooo

 

lil_sunburn21:

DO I NEED TO FIGHT HER??? I GOT SHORT MAN RAGE AND A SCOOTER

 

freckle_freak:

not the scooter 😭

 

cocoafreak666:

do we know her?? do we hate her?? should we sabotage her future???

 

punctuation_king:

no.

she was nice

and smart

and pretty

and smiled when he complimented her serve

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

ok now i need to spiral

that’s disgusting

 

napking:

akaashi it’s okay

you are literally so gender. bokuto would let you ruin his whole life

 

laggingirlboss:

no offense but

u could breathe in his direction and he’d whimper

 

bleached__:

bokuto once called you “my forever editor” in a post-game interview and cried

so like. you win.

 

punctuation_king:

that’s true

but also

sometimes i look in the mirror and see a version of me that isn’t enough

 

rollingthunder69:

ok ok fine

soft moment time initiated

akaashi. you are literally the gender envy of 98% of tiktok. you correct our grammar and still make us blush. bokuto may be dumb but he’s not STUPID.

he knows what he has

even if he takes a detour to figure it out

 

punctuation_king:

…thank you

i hate that that helped

but it did

 

bangs_and_brain:

btw oikawa hasn’t said anything in a while

he okay??

 

cosmic_serves17:

I AM NOT OKAY

HE CALLED ME “BABY”

ON FACETIME

WHILE HE WAS HALF-ASLEEP

AND THEN HE JUST KEPT TALKING LIKE HE DIDN’T RUIN MY ENTIRE WORLD

 

freckle_freak:

and that’s on gay marriage 💍

 

lil_sunburn21:

that’s not even flirty

that’s intimate

 

miya_thighs13:

that’s “i love u but i’m emotionally constipated” level behavior

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

text him back “thanks king” and watch his soul leave his body

 

rollingthunder69:

i told y’all this would happen

i wrote it in my NOTES APP

iwaizumi’s sleepy “baby” was prophesized

 

mr_therapist:

can you stop reading the plot before it happens

 

rollingthunder69:

no 🧭

 

vertically_challenged:

so like

what’s the status on suna’s whole digestive system

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

still fucked

kenma fed me tres leches again yesterday

he thought “tres” meant “low fat”

i’m gonna yeet myself into a rice cooker

 

laggingirlboss:

you were smiling bro

i thought it was a safe smile

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i have trauma smiles. they’re different

 

napking:

suna’s body is 40% spite, 30% iced coffee, and 30% regrets

 

riceislife:

and 0% gluten.

STOP FEEDING HIM CAKE.

 

pager_beeper_md:

if i see one more of you in my ER, i’m charging you for my therapy

 

bleached__:

worth it 🧍‍♂️

 

pinkslip_prince:

we are falling apart like ikea shelves bro

 

freckle_freak:

except no one’s reading the instructions

 

rollingthunder69:

ok but when do i get to out another secret

i have two left and they’re JUICY

 

riceislife:

come back to japan

you’re getting too powerful

 

rollingthunder69:

KITA SAID IT.

KITA SAID THE THING.

I’M PACKING MY BAGS AND A BAG OF DUTY-FREE SNACKS RN

 

punctuation_king:

i don’t know what’s scarier

kita letting noya back into the country

or the fact that this all happened in ONE day

 

cocoafreak666:

this server is unhinged

but like. in a poetic, gay, possibly illegal way

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i almost died again

and i’m still not the main character

justice for suna

 

lil_sunburn21:

hoshi needs therapy

akaashi needs a hug

suga is baking “breakup muffins” for no reason

noya is santa but for chaos

and i’m tired

 

cosmic_serves17:

iwaizumi called me baby

and now i think the world’s ending

but like in a hot way

---

 

Chapter 7

Notes:

just got discharged from the hospital and my roommate beat my ass again. :/

power bottoms united™

 

— bleached__ has renamed the server to “high-speed gay crimes” —

---

bleached__:

GUYS.

GUYSSS.

IM IN JAIL AGAIN 😍

 

freckle_freak:

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN “AGAIN”

 

momfriend_supremacy:

teru baby WHAT did you do now 😭

 

bleached__:

jaywalked.

while high.

with glow sticks.

across a police training course.

in nothing but my hospital gown and crocs 😌

 

napking:

you know what

no thoughts. just vibes.

 

pager_beeper_md:

i discharged you 2 days ago

TWO DAYS

what is wrong with you

 

bleached__:

the world is my runway.

and laws are just suggestions 💅

 

tinybutdeadly:

i can’t do this again

do you know how much shame i carry just being in this server

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 update: i’m in estonia

following a man who smells like sandalwood and regret

don’t ask. i’m on a mission.

 

cocoafreak666:

i refuse to ask

but i also can’t look away

 

miya_thighs13:

🧍‍♂️

so like

i got somethin to say

 

cosmic_serves17:

oh no

not the stance

that’s the “i’m about to drop a bomb and run” stance

 

miya_thighs13:

so

uh

me and kiyoomi been engaged

for like

a year 🧍‍♂️💍

 

EVERYONE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT

 

freckle_freak:

?????????????????????

 

bangs_and_brain:

I—

WHAT THE FUCK DO U MEAN ENGAGED

 

momfriend_supremacy:

I BAKED U HEART SHAPED COOKIES LAST WEEK

AND U LET ME

 

napking:

this is psychological warfare

 

lil_sunburn21:

EXCUSE ME YOU’VE BEEN POUTING ABOUT HIM FOR SIX CHAPTERS

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i almost died

TWICE

while you were out here playing “secret fiancé” like this is wattpad in 2014

 

punctuation_king:

I feel violently deceived

and mildly impressed

 

rollingthunder69:

SEE I KNEW IT

i had it written in my NOTES APP under “atsumu’s secrets i’ll expose if he pisses me off”

 

miya_thighs13:

OKAY OKAY BUT—

HE SAID HE DIDN’T WANNA TELL PEOPLE YET 😭

he gets shy and shit!! it’s cute!!!

 

riceislife:

This is the gayest betrayal I’ve ever witnessed.

 

cosmic_serves17:

i need to go cry into a mirror

you little bitch

 

pinkslip_prince:

one engagement down

eighteen unhinged bitches to go 😌

 

bleached__:

does this mean i gotta wear a dress to the wedding or like can i show up in mesh

 

pager_beeper_md:

you’ll be in jail.

 

mr_therapist:

friendly reminder that suga nearly beat someone up today

 

momfriend_supremacy:

OKAY SHE BUMPED INTO DAICHI AND GIGGLED

THE AUDACITY

 

punctuation_king:

was it an “i’m flirting” giggle

or a “haha ur dumb and cute” giggle

these matter

 

momfriend_supremacy:

IT WAS “I WANT TO FUCK YOUR MAN” GIGGLE

WITH EYE CONTACT

 

freckle_freak:

NOT THE EYE CONTACT 😭😭😭

 

mr_therapist:

i had to physically hold him back

he threw a biscotti

AT HER CAR

 

cosmic_serves17:

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

this is the most deranged gay drama i’ve seen since kenma tried to microwave a fork

 

laggingirlboss:

still mad about that

i thought it was baby-safe metal

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

you tried to feed me gluten AGAIN yesterday

i’m one tres leches away from haunting this server

 

napking:

at this point u’re like 50% rage and 50% allergy

 

rollingthunder69:

back to important things

HOSHIIIIIIIIIIII

TELL US BOUT HIRUGAMI 👀👀👀

 

vertically_challenged:

OKAY OKAY OKAY LISTEN

so we hung out

and by “hung out” i mean we went to a cafe

and he PAID

and he told me i had “cool hair” and “a weird vibe”

which is the BEST COMPLIMENT EVER THANK YOU 😭💘

 

pinkslip_prince:

wait did u flirt back??

 

vertically_challenged:

i threw a sugar packet at his face and called him a “beautiful tree man”

i think i won

 

lil_sunburn21:

no yeah that’s flirting in adhd

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

that’s autistic courtship tbh

chaotic + honest = true love

 

vertically_challenged:

then he LAUGHED

like. the kind of laugh that makes u feel like u’re worth something

and then he said “we should do this again”

and I ALMOST DIED

and then i fell off the curb but he caught me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

 

freckle_freak:

you’re living my dream

but shorter and louder

 

cosmic_serves17:

soooooooo

do we think he likes u

or like

LIKES likes u

 

rollingthunder69:

babe he looked at u like u were a candy bar and he hadn’t eaten since childhood

he likes likes u

 

punctuation_king:

we’re witnessing a softburn

like a slowburn but louder, sparklier, and ADHD-coded

 

bleached__:

also they held pinkies for like 3 seconds

i wasn’t there but i feel it in my bones

 

riceislife:

no more pinky updates.

no more criminal activity.

come home, noya.

 

rollingthunder69:

🥺💔

but i still got 3 countries left on the eurochaos tour 😌🧭

also i heard a rumor in estonia that someone else is secretly dating and if it’s true i’m throwing glitter in their face

 

mr_therapist:

i haven’t had peace in 6 chapters

 

cosmic_serves17:

atsumu’s engaged

teru’s in jail

kenma’s dyslexic

hoshi’s in love

and noya is omnipresent

i love this server

---

 

Chapter 8

power bottoms united™

 

— miya_thighs13 has renamed the server to “prison arc: twin edition™” —

---

miya_thighs13:

yall.

i went to jail.

 

cosmic_serves17:

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOT YOU STARTING WITH THAT

 

freckle_freak:

you what 😭😭😭

 

momfriend_supremacy:

what did u even DO this time

 

miya_thighs13:

i tried to fistfight osamu 😤

 

napking:

again or new fight

 

miya_thighs13:

first one was “prelude”

this one was main event

 

tinybutdeadly:

why.

 

miya_thighs13:

BC HE DIDNT PICK SUNA

he picked some random ass bitch. do u know how rude that is???

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

…ur late as fuck.

we BEEN knew. chapter 2.

 

laggingirlboss:

chapter 2. literally.

 

freckle_freak:

ur like. five episodes behind in ur own life

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 update: he’s trending on twitter rn under “#MiyaMeltdown”

caption is “local volleyball star gets bodied by his twin brother in 4k” 💀

 

cocoafreak666:

NOT THE HASHTAG LMFAO

 

bangs_and_brain:

oh my god ur downfall is public

 

pinkslip_prince:

sunawhore vs random bitch: osamu edition 💅

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

bro i didn’t even ask u to fight for me

i have a fever. i can’t even lift my arm.

 

laggingirlboss:

yea he’s dying rn

and i’m his hot housewife 😌 streaming apex with a man on my lap like a weighted blanket

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

he fed me soup

it was slightly crunchy

but i still cried

 

napking:

kenma soup arc.

 

vertically_challenged:

romantic asf. imagine dying in ur bff’s arms while he 360 no scopes

 

cosmic_serves17:

better love story than twilight

 

miya_thighs13:

OKAY BUT LISTEN

i lost the fight. to osamu.

my TWIN.

do u know how humiliating that is 😭

 

punctuation_king:

Yes.

 

riceislife:

You deserved it.

 

rollingthunder69:

AND THEN HE TRIED TO SWING AGAIN IN THE PARKING LOT.

kiyoomi and bokuto had to drag his ass back like a misbehaved golden retriever.

 

miya_thighs13:

I ALMOST WON ROUND TWO

 

tinybutdeadly:

no u didn’t

 

bleached__:

i saw the video. osamu literally just sidestepped and u faceplanted into a shopping cart

 

cocoafreak666:

cryinggggggggg

 

mr_therapist:

if kiyoomi bailed you out

does that mean bokuto filmed the whole thing

 

cosmic_serves17:

ofc he did

he texted me “this is history” with 38 crying emojis

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 also btw i’m in ireland now

wearing a green hoodie. eating potatoes. being a gremlin.

top o the mornin bitches ☘️

 

lil_sunburn21:

U WERE IN ESTONIA 10 MINS AGO

 

rollingthunder69:

time zones are fake. chaos is eternal.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

someone’s gotta leash noya

 

napking:

can’t leash dora the explora

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

my fever 102 and i still have to babysit this whole chat

 

laggingirlboss:

no babe

u just lie here

i’ll carry apex AND domestic duties 😩💅

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

he brushed my hair earlier and whispered “u look like roadkill but hot”

i think that’s love

 

freckle_freak:

that’s marriage.

 

vertically_challenged:

platonic soulmates >>> actual couples rn

 

pinkslip_prince:

noya’s prob outside ur apartment rn with binoculars

 

rollingthunder69:

actually i’m not.

i’m in dublin.

but also yes i already knew this whole suna fever + kenma housewife arc was coming.

bc i’m omniscient. duh.

 

punctuation_king:

Stop saying that like it’s normal.

 

riceislife:

Come home, Noya.

 

rollingthunder69:

nah i’m getting drunk off guinness and gay panic. 🇮🇪

 

miya_thighs13:

anyway

if anyone sees osamu

tell him i’m not done with him

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

atsumu pls u lost twice in one day

take the L

 

cosmic_serves17:

yeah ur trending for the wrong reasons bestie

 

bleached__:

u lost to ur own DNA

 

cocoafreak666:

embarrassing.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

Kiyoomi deserves a medal for marrying into this

 

miya_thighs13:

HE LOVES ME OKAY

 

rollingthunder69:

he bailed u out bc he’s hot and tired

not bc ur good at fighting

 

napking:

atsumu miya: engaged. in denial. jail frequent flyer.

 

freckle_freak:

plot twist: he tries to fight osamu again in chapter 9

 

miya_thighs13:

👀

 

cosmic_serves17:

oh god

---

 

Chapter 9

power bottoms united™

 

— pager_beeper_md has renamed the server to “Semi can peg me™” —

---

pager_beeper_md:

semi eita if ur reading this i would let u destroy me in the middle of a fucking walmart parking lot.

raw. unprotected. with a karaoke machine in the background.

 

pinkslip_prince:

bestie are u okay

 

pager_beeper_md:

no. i want him to choke me with a guitar strap 😩🎸

 

cocoafreak666:

okAY???? 😭😭😭

 

freckle_freak:

i feel like i should log off

 

pager_beeper_md:

no stay and watch me spiral like a slut on roller skates

 

cosmic_serves17:

nah cause i kinda support this energy

semi got that musician rizz

 

momfriend_supremacy:

oh my god are we all just THIRSTING openly now

 

pager_beeper_md:

i’ve BEEN thirsting

i’ve been feral

i’ve been ready to be rearranged like sheet music 😩

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

idk if it’s my fever or ur horniness but i feel like the walls r melting

 

laggingirlboss:

he keeps calling me “papi” then crying then passing out then demanding cuddles

i don’t know if he’s sick or possessed

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

both.

 

napking:

delirium arc.

 

tinybutdeadly:

maybe take him to the doctor?? instead of livestreaming him hallucinating

 

laggingirlboss:

doctor can’t fix hot + gay

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

facts

 

bleached__:

guys help

i’m back in the ER 😭

 

freckle_freak:

WHAT NOW

 

bleached__:

my own mother fed me an empanada

AN EMPANADA

do u know how much gluten that is

 

lil_sunburn21:

wait ur mom cooked for u???

 

bleached__:

yea and while i was dying she was like “remember ur mexican side should be able to handle spice”

???????

 

cosmic_serves17:

SINCE WHEN WERE U HALF MEXICAN

 

bleached__:

since birth babes 😌

plot twist

 

cocoafreak666:

the lore drop of the century

 

momfriend_supremacy:

not him casually dropping a whole ethnicity while choking on masa

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

nah since we’re all confessing

i’m cuban/puerto rican + japanese

sorpresa bitch 🇨🇺🇵🇷🇯🇵

 

napking:

HELLO????

WHY IS EVERYONE REVEALING THEIR FAMILY TREE IN THE ER

 

laggingirlboss:

he whispered it like “tell my story” before passing out on my keyboard

 

pager_beeper_md:

semi eita can take me on a latin america tour if he wants 😩

 

pinkslip_prince:

bruh focus

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 update: i’m in romania

vampires are real. i’m one now. i thirst for blood and gay drama. 🦇

 

riceislife:

come home.

 

rollingthunder69:

dora voice: can you find the fuck i give??? 😏🤪😋

 

punctuation_king:

Noya stop

 

rollingthunder69:

never

 

cosmic_serves17:

im still stuck on the fact that teru’s mom just rawdogged him with an empanada

 

bleached__:

she said “love u mijo” and handed me death in a pastry

 

freckle_freak:

this server is not real

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

idk if im hallucinating but i think kenma just braided my hair and kissed my forehead

 

laggingirlboss:

i did

but like platonically

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i can’t tell if i’m in love or if this is the fever talking

 

napking:

both. always both.

 

cocoafreak666:

shirabu’s over there thirsting for semi

teru’s dying from an empanada

suna’s on his deathbed

noya’s in fucking romania

and oikawa + suga are like “bestie pact” across continents

 

cosmic_serves17:

HE CALLED ME BABY AGAIN

ON FACE TIME

IM NOT OKAY

 

momfriend_supremacy:

ok but that means we’re long distance besties now 🥺

 

cosmic_serves17:

ur in JAPAN

i’m in ARGENTINA

this is not “long distance besties” this is international suffering

 

rollingthunder69:

i told u.

i saw it in the script.

y’all aren’t gonna have a peaceful day until ch 40. 🧭

 

punctuation_king:

stop reading ahead.

 

rollingthunder69:

no.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

this fever bout to kill me faster than semi’s dick would kill shirabu

 

pager_beeper_md:

AND I WOULD DIE SMILING 😩💀

---

 

Chapter 10

power bottoms united™

 

— laggingirlboss has renamed the server to “weed brownies & horny delusions™” —

---

laggingirlboss:

ok so. i might have accidentally given suna a weed brownie instead of a gluten free one.

before anyone yells at me: they were NEXT to each other on the counter ok 😭

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

bro my stomach feels like it’s downloading minecraft

also osamu got nice arms like what the fuck who allowed that

 

napking:

why is suna sexting the group chat in italics rn

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

im not sexting im manifesting

manifesting osamu’s thighs around my neck like earmuffs

 

freckle_freak:

OH MY GOD

 

cosmic_serves17:

NAHHHHH SUNA LOG OFF

LOG OFF RN

 

bleached__:

LMFAOOOOOO not him hallucinating and thirsting after a taken man 😭😭😭

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

taken by a FEMALE???? 🤮🤮🤮 straight people r a disease

 

miya_thighs13:

SHUT UP THATS MY TWIN U TALKIN ABOUT 😡

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i said what i said

ur brother is a riceball hoe

i could treat him better

 

lil_sunburn21:

kenma r u like. supervising him rn???

 

laggingirlboss:

yeah he’s literally in the ER 💀

i told the nurse “he’s celiac and high” and she just sighed so hard i think her soul left her body

 

cocoafreak666:

SUNA RINTAROU IN THE ER ARC LET’S GO

wait is he moaning rn

 

laggingirlboss:

yeah he just whispered “call me papi” at the nurse and passed out again

 

freckle_freak:

HELPPPPPPP

 

pager_beeper_md:

don’t worry i’ll cover his chart if he ends up here again

but if he flirts with me while puking i’m quitting medicine

 

pinkslip_prince:

nah suna in his slut era and he’s not even conscious

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i can hear god

he sounds like osamu

“rinrin ur so hot rn let me—”

 

laggingirlboss:

ok i muted him before he confesses to a sandwich

 

tinybutdeadly:

this is why we don’t trust kenma in kitchens. or anywhere.

 

hydroflask_hero:

no volleyball talk for like. 10 chapters straight

but weed brownies?? immediately yes.

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 UPDATE: i’m in SWEDEN

bought a ikea chair. built it wrong. it collapsed. like suna’s digestive system 😌

 

cocoafreak666:

NOYA CAN U STOP

STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL BRO

 

rollingthunder69:

dora voice: can you say “plot device”? 😏

 

riceislife:

Return. To. Japan.

 

rollingthunder69:

no ❤️ i’m international now. world tour babyyy 🌍🏳️‍🌈

 

bangs_and_brain:

back to suna tho. what happens if he confesses high. does it count.

 

freckle_freak:

it counts in gay court

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

ur all laughing but im literally in love w him

he smell like rice and sadness

i want him biblically

 

miya_thighs13:

OKAY EW STOP

NOT THE BIBLICAL PART

 

cosmic_serves17:

no cause i’m crying

we all knew suna was down bad but THIS?? horny delirium is a new level

 

napking:

petition to never let kenma cook again

 

laggingirlboss:

ok fair. but in my defense

he looked so peaceful eating it. like a slutty raccoon

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

kenma’s my wife. osamu’s my husband. im the problem. im also the solution.

 

punctuation_king:

You’re not the solution to anything.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

ok dad chill

 

cocoafreak666:

nahhh suna’s trans ass is fighting for his LIFE and also trying to get laid in spirit form 💀

 

rollingthunder69:

chapter 10 title: “weed brownies, horny hallucinations, and ikea furniture”

trust me i read ahead 🧭

 

mr_therapist:

no one trusts you, Nishinoya.

 

rollingthunder69:

they will when suna confesses to the wrong Miya twin 😏

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

delete this whole server rn

---

 

Chapter 11

power bottoms united™

 

— rollingthunder69 has renamed the server to “ukrainian kush & unresolved baggage™” —

---

rollingthunder69:

update: i am in ukraine. yes i was in sweden like five seconds ago. no i do not respect planes or borders. i move via gay yearning and cheap espresso.

 

rollingthunder69:

also i am high as shit rn. like if thoughts were pigeons, they’re pooping on my brain.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

Noya sweetie no 😭 are you safe?? do you have water?? snacks?? electrolytes??

 

riceislife:

Return. To. Japan.

 

rollingthunder69:

no ❤️ i miss asahi and i refuse to be in the same country as his silence

 

tinybutdeadly:

…what does that even mean.

 

rollingthunder69:

it means i miss him so bad i can feel his man-bun from here. i want to pray into his collarbone like a tiny catholic.

 

cocoafreak666:

oh we’re doing Raw Feelings™ at 3am huh

 

cosmic_serves17:

be honest are you thirsting or crying.

 

rollingthunder69:

yes.

 

napking:

context. now.

 

rollingthunder69:

ok lore dump:

1. i went for a walk, thought i saw asahi from behind (it was a lamp).
2. called him “sunshine lumberjack” out loud to the lamp.
3. then my grandad texted me a picture of him with “a few bitches.”

 

freckle_freak:

like… girls??

 

rollingthunder69:

he meant dogs. three pomeranians and an old husky with eyeliner. grandad said “pick your favorite, i’ll steal it for you.” king behavior.

 

bangs_and_brain:

your grandad is the male lead of a heist movie

 

pager_beeper_md:

i’m supposed to be clinically detached and even i love him

 

rollingthunder69:

and THEN i remembered all my exes. the human disasters. the milk-in-the-bed dude. the one who borrowed my passport “for a silly lil errand.” the guy with the “live laugh lesbians” tattoo who cried whenever i said hi. the poet. the DJ. the man who said he was polyamorous and then forgot to tell his girlfriend.

 

hydroflask_hero:

bro you’re a walking PSA

 

punctuation_king:

A memoir, perhaps: “All My Exes and the Fire Exit I Should Have Used.”

 

rollingthunder69:

CHAPTER ONE: “red flags are just carnival banners if you run fast enough.”

 

lil_sunburn21:

WAIT WHY ARE U HIGH THO

 

rollingthunder69:

i met a girl named anya who said “you look sad, want gummy?” and i said “i love snacks” and now everything is polite and glowing.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

hydrate. sit down. no stairs.

 

rollingthunder69:

already in a doorway eating sunflower seeds with a babushka. she called me “storm child.” valid.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

is the server just gonna pretend i didn’t almost ascend last chapter

 

napking:

are you okay now or do we light a candle

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

doc cleared me. kenma is banned from desserts and decisions. i lived, bitch.

 

laggingirlboss:

ok rude. i made u gf noodles and u moaned like a telenovela

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i was grateful and dramatic at the same time. dual-wielding.

 

cocoafreak666:

ok back to noya please he’s actively monologuing in europe

 

rollingthunder69:

right. asahi if you’re reading this (he’s not) i miss you. i miss the way you sigh like a soft earthquake. i miss your “noya don’t climb that” voice. i miss how you fold towels like a husband and then blush when i call you a husband.

 

pinkslip_prince:

oh you’re in the danger zone zone.

 

cosmic_serves17:

this is, like, pre-confession diarrhea of the soul

 

freckle_freak:

can you… come home and say it to his face???

 

rollingthunder69:

i don’t want to be perceived in that timezone. japan knows my legal name. ukraine knows me as “pigeon boy.”

 

riceislife:

That is not reassuring.

 

tinybutdeadly:

also stop calling yourself pigeon anything

 

rollingthunder69:

no. the sky is my wife.

 

punctuation_king:

…Noya.

 

rollingthunder69:

fine fine. listen. i keep breaking the fourth wall because the story makes more sense if i hold it like a camera. i’m the gay omniscient cryptid because somebody has to be. the author made me like this (hi babe 🥰).

 

momfriend_supremacy:

deep breaths. in for four, out for six. picture Asahi making tea.

 

rollingthunder69:

he would pour it like it’s holy water. he would hand me the mug and say “careful” and i’d burn my tongue on purpose for the drama.

 

cocoafreak666:

i’m gonna cry in french brb

 

vertically_challenged:

noya do u think you self-sabotage bc your exes were garbage fires and now u assume love = arson??

 

rollingthunder69:

yes but also shut up i am busy yearning

 

napking:

therapy via yelling. plausible.

 

pager_beeper_md:

i prescribe: one (1) text to asahi that says “i miss you. when can we call.” anything longer is a war crime.

 

rollingthunder69:

what if he doesn’t answer

 

tinybutdeadly:

Then he doesn’t. That is survivable.

 

riceislife:

And if he does, that is also survivable.

 

rollingthunder69:

ugh. fine. typing.

 

rollingthunder69:

draft: “hey big man i miss ur stupid gentle face call me before i kiss a lamp again”

 

punctuation_king:

New draft: “Hey. I miss you. Can we call?”

 

lil_sunburn21:

akaashi said it like a nurse giving u a tetanus shot but he’s right

 

rollingthunder69:

sending.

 

rollingthunder69:

SENT. oh god my organs. i can hear them clapping.

 

cosmic_serves17:

proud of u. also i’m screaming.

 

bangs_and_brain:

what did grandad say after the dog pic tho

 

rollingthunder69:

he said “u run fast, chico, but you run in circles. pick a home that isn’t an airport.” then he sent a selfie w/ a pigeon on his shoulder. we are the same creature.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

i am sobbing?? grandad spitting ancient truths????

 

cocoafreak666:

i want your grandad to narrate my breakdowns

 

hydroflask_hero:

ok but like. are we entirely sure the lamp wasn’t hotter than asahi

 

rollingthunder69:

yahaba i will personally ship you to a cargo hold

 

freckle_freak:

noya when’s the last time you slept that wasn’t on a train between countries

 

rollingthunder69:

sleep is capitalism. i choose vibes.

 

napking:

ok marxist pigeon.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

hey uh do we tell him asahi posted a gym selfie 13 minutes ago or do we let him discover it naturally

 

riceislife:

Do not.

 

punctuation_king:

Let natural consequences unfold.

 

rollingthunder69:

too late i saw it. holy forearms. i’m feral. if he calls me i’m gonna breathe like a haunted flute.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

NO. WHEN HE CALLS you will say hi and then shut up and then listen and then say what you feel using inside voice.

 

rollingthunder69:

inside voice doesn’t live here

 

cocoafreak666:

ok but same

 

vertically_challenged:

quick question are u still high

 

rollingthunder69:

yes. the ground keeps politely moving.

 

bangs_and_brain:

then maybe don’t call until ur baseline is “not on mars”

 

pager_beeper_md:

seconded. hydrate, snack, nap, then call. i swear to god if you trauma-dial i will put you in a medical study.

 

rollingthunder69:

fine. i bought a blueberry varenyky from an old lady and cried because it looked like a tiny galaxy. i’m hydrating with vibes.

 

tinybutdeadly:

water. now.

 

rollingthunder69:

drinks water like it wronged me

 

lil_sunburn21:

proud of u bestie

 

napking:

so what’s the plan after nap + water

 

rollingthunder69:

plan:

1. power nap against a friendly statue.
2. text grandad “keep one of the bitches for me.”
3. call asahi when my soul is not sideways.
4. stop running in circles. maybe. i hate growth it itches.

 

riceislife:

Acceptable.

 

punctuation_king:

Proud of you. Annoyed, but proud.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i’ll set an alarm for you. kenma will probably forget what clocks are but i’ll try.

 

laggingirlboss:

rude. also my alarm label says “call boyfriend??? maybe???”

 

rollingthunder69:

not you two assigning me a love quest like i’m an npc.

 

cosmic_serves17:

you kinda are tbh. side quest: stop dating trash fire men. main quest: call asahi.

 

cocoafreak666:

dlc: cry attractively in a foreign country.

 

rollingthunder69:

ok shutting up. nap time. if i dream about lamps i’m suing the city. thanks for letting me lore dump. dear audience (yes you) stop looking at me i’m sensitive.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

sleep well, storm child. we’ll be here.

 

riceislife:

Report back after the call.

 

rollingthunder69:

aye aye captain rice.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i hate that that was cute

 

napking:

same. disgusting.

---

 

Chapter 12

power bottoms united™

 

— vertically_challenged has changed the group name to “horny + clown hour™” —

---

lil_sunburn21:

guys.

guys listen.

so like.

imagine tsukki in bed.

 

freckle_freak:

NOPE.

not this again.

 

pinkslip_prince:

👀👀👀 keep goin bestie

 

lil_sunburn21:

tall

skinny

hands big enough to palm a volleyball

WHAT ELSE COULD HE PALM 🥵

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

🤮🤮🤮 bro stfu before i spiral again

 

napking:

nah nah let him cook. this unhinged.

 

cocoafreak666:

you say “let him cook” like he isn’t already on fire with thirst

 

momfriend_supremacy:

hinata sweetie do you need like. water. ice. jesus.

 

lil_sunburn21:

NO. I NEED TSUKKI TO—

 

tinybutdeadly:

don’t finish that sentence.

 

cosmic_serves17:

nah finish it actually

i need entertainment

 

lil_sunburn21:

😏😏😏 imagine him pinning me down w those long ass legs

and calling me SHORT while railing me into next week

i’d bark

i’d meow

i’d die happy

 

freckle_freak:

i hope u get hit with a volleyball in ur sleep

 

hydroflask_hero:

nah bc hinata’s making sense rn

that man def has “tall bitch energy” in bed

 

bangs_and_brain:

this chat is so loud rn

i can’t even be delusional in peace

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 update: i’m in KAZAKHSTAN now

don’t ask. don’t question. just know i’m watching u all spiral while eating weird chocolate bars.

 

riceislife:

You were in Ukraine TEN SECONDS AGO.

 

rollingthunder69:

time is fake. horni is forever.

 

bleached__:

why does this sound like a cursed hallmark card

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

bro noya’s passport has more mileage than my digestive system

 

laggingirlboss:

low bar.

 

cocoafreak666:

WAIT PAUSE

NOYA ARE U OK AFTER LAST CHAPTER OR DO WE NEED TO CALL THE EXORCIST

 

rollingthunder69:

nah im fine babes just emotionally unstable and a little gay vampire in eastern europe 💅

also asahi if ur reading this: i still want u. marry me.

 

mr_therapist:

at this point you need an entire team of therapists

 

punctuation_king:

I refuse to acknowledge anything until someone types a full sentence.

 

miya_thighs13:

yea good luck w that chief 😌

 

cosmic_serves17:

btw

y’all remember last chapter when noya dropped lore and vanished like gay dora the explorer??

while that was happening

I TEXTED HAIJIME.

 

freckle_freak:

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

 

napking:

CAP

prove it

 

cosmic_serves17:

screenshot or it didn’t happen?? here u go hoes 💅

[sends blurry ss of chat w “so uh. date?”]

 

lil_sunburn21:

OH SHITTTTTTTT

 

pinkslip_prince:

IS THIS CONFESSION ARC???

 

momfriend_supremacy:

wait wait wait

so u just texted iwaizumi out of nowhere??

 

cosmic_serves17:

YES.

and guess what.

he said “sure. when?” 😭😭😭

 

cocoafreak666:

SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGG

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

no way bro

oikawa actually grew balls

 

bleached__:

huge win for whiny setters everywhere

 

punctuation_king:

Correction: Huge win for love.

 

rollingthunder69:

that’s THREE SHIPS LOCKED IN BABYYYY 🏳️‍🌈🚢💥

3 down?? 17 to go 😏

(i already know who’s next but im not telling yet. hehe narrator powers.)

 

riceislife:

Stop reading ahead, Nishinoya.

 

rollingthunder69:

never 🧭

 

freckle_freak:

this server is literally gay jumanji.

 

tinybutdeadly:

and none of us are winning.

---

 

Chapter 13

power bottoms united™

 

— vertically_challenged has renamed the server to “big ben beef & panic cleaning™” —

---

rollingthunder69:

update: im in the united kingdom and i just squared up with big ben. clock tried to tick-tock at me so i said shut up u long metal metronome 😤🕰️

 

pinkslip_prince:

bro ur fist fighting architecture again??

 

tinybutdeadly:

come home. immediately.

 

rollingthunder69:

cant!! euro tour speedrun: 7 left baybeee — spain, iceland, switzerland, isle of man (wtf), russia, montenegro, greece. then maybe i’ll stop. or not. dora never stops.

 

cocoafreak666:

someone take his passport away and give him a hug and a leash

 

momfriend_supremacy:

noya sweetie hydrate. british water tastes like monarchy but it’s still water

 

cosmic_serves17:

ok but if u get arrested for yelling at a clock i’m not bailing u out across a whole ocean

 

lil_sunburn21:

i would. for content

 

laggingirlboss:

anyway hi i’m spiraling. like. industrial strength spiral.

kuroo’s visiting the apartment tomorrow and i just bleached the sink. twice.

 

napking:

kenma doing chores?? historical event

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

he labeled the rice. RICE. it says “rice (rice)”

 

laggingirlboss:

shut up i’m creating a safe viewing environment. i vacuumed the ceiling. i mopped the cat.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

onigiri is glossier than my future. also im not third wheeling this. pass.

 

miya_thighs13:

damn even i would third wheel for that messy rooster man

 

freckle_freak:

same but also i’d cry in the hallway for decor

 

punctuation_king:

KENMA. Breathe. One drawer at a time. Do not sanitize the ethernet cable.

 

laggingirlboss:

too late (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯) its so clean the wifi tastes minty

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

ok decision made: i’m visiting osamu tomorrow. need rice-based emotional support.

 

riceislife:

No.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

bro what do u mean “no”

 

riceislife:

You are not visiting him. Not now. Not like this. Choose patience.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

kita please i’m normal abt it (lie) i just wanna look at his hands and cry respectfully

 

riceislife:

No.

 

tinybutdeadly:

listen to kita. he’s law. he’s constitution.

 

cocoafreak666:

yeah he’s like if boundaries wore a cardigan

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

fine. plan b: i’m hanging out with akaashi’s sexy punctuation ass instead

 

punctuation_king:

I ACCEPT. Bring tea. And do not bleed on the couch.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

no promises babe

 

miya_thighs13:

lmao rejected by kita speedrun any%

 

hydroflask_hero:

kita said “no thoughts only boundaries” and i respect that

 

riceislife:

Thank you.

 

vertically_challenged:

BREAKING NEWS: i “live updated” that walmart is on fire again???

uhhhh not me but like. i retweeted it. with 7 crying emojis.

 

bangs_and_brain:

AGAIN????? second time this month is insane behavior

 

freckle_freak:

hoshi why do disasters follow u like stray cats

 

vertically_challenged:

idk maybe i’m hot and the universe is flammable 🥲

 

mr_therapist:

stop live-retweeting structure fires. therapy now, clout later

 

bleached__:

was it the sushi foil again bc if so i gotta respect the consistency

 

punctuation_king:

It was not. Different city. Please do not insinuate crimes we cannot prove.

 

lil_sunburn21:

i just want coupons man why god why

 

cosmic_serves17:

ok unrelated but hinata thirst check?

 

lil_sunburn21:

yeah hi i’m not okay. tsukki could pin me with one hand and read me my rights with the other. i’d confess to crimes i didn’t commit

 

freckle_freak:

please stop i have to see that man in public sometimes

 

pinkslip_prince:

nah hinata cookin. “tall bitch energy” supremacy

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

he’d call u “short.” you’d bark. circle of life

 

laggingirlboss:

this chat is a hazard sign

 

cocoafreak666:

y’all are feral. as a treat

 

momfriend_supremacy:

kenma if you’re cleaning everything, eat something. cleaning on an empty stomach is how you end up licking a wall like terushima

 

bleached__:

true story i turned out fine (no i didnt)

 

pager_beeper_md:

teru you were literally hospitalized. again.

 

bleached__:

worth it ✌️

 

napking:

anyway kenma how bad is the panic scale

 

laggingirlboss:

like 9/10. i folded every towel into a swan. i’m alphabetizing the spice rack by emotional damage

 

punctuation_king:

Send a photo. We will judge kindly.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

he put paprika under “trauma” and cumin under “secrets”

 

miya_thighs13:

thats art

 

rollingthunder69:

BIG BEN UPDATE: i flipped him off and a guard told me “mind the gap.” there was no gap. im being spiritually profiled

 

tinybutdeadly:

stop antagonizing landmarks

 

riceislife:

Seven countries left. Then you return.

 

rollingthunder69:

maybe i’ll return with a souvenir husband (asahi) who’s to say

 

momfriend_supremacy:

manifest but hydrate

 

cosmic_serves17:

btw if anyone wants to place bets on who’s next to soft-launch a relationship, i’m taking venmo

 

pinkslip_prince:

my money’s on shirabu spontaneously combusting near semi. like literally bursting into flames mid-chorus

 

pager_beeper_md:

and i would die smiling

 

vertically_challenged:

put me down for kageyama liking yamaguchi’s thirst trap at 3am. fate demands it

 

freckle_freak:

please no i am a delicate flower with anxiety and freckles

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

delicate flower that wants to get pollinated. be honest

 

freckle_freak:

shut up and pass the minty wifi

 

punctuation_king:

SUNA. Arrive at 7 tomorrow. We will drink tea. You will not discuss Osamu for the first hour.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

ok dad. i’ll bring snacks and unresolved longing

 

punctuation_king:

Acceptable.

 

riceislife:

Good plan.

 

lil_sunburn21:

group hug but like with hands off bc consent

 

cocoafreak666:

this is the horniest support group i’ve ever seen

 

laggingirlboss:

ok i’m setting three alarms labeled “do not panic,” “breathe,” and “don’t sanitize the cat again”

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

thats for u or me

 

laggingirlboss:

yes

 

rollingthunder69:

signing off to go bully a red phone booth. pray for it. pray for me. pray for the next ship reveal 😌🧭

 

tinybutdeadly:

Don’t. Touch. The phone booth.

 

rollingthunder69:

ok i touched it.

---

 

Chapter 14

Notes:

i hate walmart bro. like i despise it with a passion. 😐

FUCK BRO LOWKEY SHIPPING SUNA AND AKAASHI NOW. 😣

power bottoms united™

---

laggingirlboss:

live update: the apartment is clean enough to eat soup off the floor. do not test it.

kuroo eta: 47 minutes. heart eta: exploding.

 

napking:

kenma dusted the router. the internet is clinically sterile.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

refuse to third wheel. respectfully. i’m leaving the premises with dignity and gluten-free biscuits

 

punctuation_king:

SUNA IS WITH ME. We have tea. He is… playing Genshin Impact.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

childe supremacy 😌 my toxic river boyfriend who can’t read either. soulmates.

 

punctuation_king:

I am reading. He is mashing buttons and making tastefully scandalous noises. Peaceful.

 

miya_thighs13:

tastefully scandalous noises is wild phrasing for “moaning at pixels”

 

cosmic_serves17:

i mean mood but also dayum akaaashi immediate domestic arc???

 

punctuation_king:

Do not jinx it.

 

riceislife:

Good choice staying away from Osamu today, Suna.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

yeah yeah captain boundaries. i’m being a responsible menace for once.

 

tinybutdeadly:

for once.

 

lil_sunburn21:

kenma how’s the panic scale now that daddy rooster is inbound 😏

 

laggingirlboss:

9.8/10. i lint-rolled the cat. i alphabetized our trauma. does “thirst” go before or after “terror”

 

napking:

depends on pronunciation

 

bangs_and_brain:

goshiki announcement: my hair > everyone’s hair. it’s architecture. it holds feelings.

 

cocoafreak666:

LMAOOOO sit down bowlcut barbie

my hair has lore. mine wins. certified red menace.

 

bangs_and_brain:

at least i HAVE hair and not a sentient hedgehog on my skull

 

cocoafreak666:

oh we fighting fr?? my haircut is iconic. ushijima would cry if i grew it out. (he wouldn’t. but i would.)

 

punctuation_king:

Objectively incorrect, subjectively funny. Continue.

 

rollingthunder69:

update: im in RUSSIA now. don’t ask questions just accept my power.

also i may or may not be stalking yaku & lev respectfully from a legal distance 🧍‍♂️🧭

 

tinybutdeadly:

what the actual hell, Noya.

 

rollingthunder69:

bro lev is 80% leg and 20% jawline i’m taking field notes

yaku just walked past a reflective door and scowled at it. king behavior.

 

punctuation_king:

Do not report on people like weather.

 

rollingthunder69:

ok fine: forecast: 100% chance of me minding my business (lie)

 

hydroflask_hero:

someone tell me why walmart is on fire AGAIN

i just scrolled and saw “local store in flames” trending and i screamed

 

vertically_challenged:

ok that wasn’t me this time but i did live update it w 8 😭 emojis bc journalism

why does walmart combust like a hobby

 

freckle_freak:

hoshi you’re a national hazard

 

pager_beeper_md:

please stop celebrating arson like it’s a holiday

 

bleached__:

counterpoint: fire pretty 🔥 (kidding don’t arrest me again)

 

cosmic_serves17:

y’all i hate to change the subject but i’m thinking about thighs. kuroo’s thigh specifically pinning kenma to a wall—

 

laggingirlboss:

don’t type that. he’ll SEE IT.

 

miya_thighs13:

let him see it. hallway kiss speedrun%

 

lil_sunburn21:

if they don’t kiss i’m egging a metaphor

 

pinkslip_prince:

speaking of eggs— atsusu report??

 

miya_thighs13:

ok listen. saw osamu’s gf at the store today. nearly squared up. kiyoomi grabbed my hood like a naughty cat. koutarou laughed and filmed. 0/10 i was gonna win that fight

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

no u weren’t. also stop trying to fight civilians u golden retriever menace

 

riceislife:

Thank you, Kiyoomi. Thank you, Bokuto.

 

miya_thighs13:

can’t believe i keep getting nerfed by people who love me. tragic.

 

rollingthunder69:

author girlie says this is a filler chapter but i say it’s worldbuilding. also hi babe stop looking at me like that thru the screen 😘

 

punctuation_king:

Noya. Stop breaking the fourth wall.

 

rollingthunder69:

no 😌

 

punctuation_king:

Suna, biscuit label check. I will read it aloud.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

yea words are doing parkour in my head today. hit me w the audiobook version pls

 

punctuation_king:

“GLUTEN-FREE. RICE FLOUR. NO WHEAT. CONTAINS—”

He’s safe. Carry on existing.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

bless u. i can parse texts but labels are little boss fights. brain lags. need subtitles for life.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

representation + snacks!!! my favorite combo. proud of you both 🥺

 

napking:

they’re so soft rn i’m offended

 

cocoafreak666:

quiet hot trans gremlin picnic date >>> my entire personality rn

 

bangs_and_brain:

still better hair than tendou btw

 

cocoafreak666:

square up fringe boy

 

hydroflask_hero:

ok anyway i’m taking bets on whether kenma passes out at the door like a victorian bride

 

laggingirlboss:

update: doorbell test successful. i did not faint. i did pause the world. heartbeat loud like bass boosted youtube tutorial.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

breathe. shoulders down. knees soft. if he says “hey,” say “hey” back. if he smiles, die quietly.

 

punctuation_king:

Do not die. I need you for co-op.

 

rollingthunder69:

meanwhile i’m outside a russian cafe pretending i belong. if a babushka adopts me don’t stop her.

 

tinybutdeadly:

If she feeds you, accept it. If she tries to marry you off, run.

 

miya_thighs13:

ok but can we circle back to me not being allowed to punch osamu’s gf

 

riceislife:

No.

 

miya_thighs13:

fine.

 

lil_sunburn21:

tsukki texted me “ok.” that’s it. that’s the update. i’m feral.

 

freckle_freak:

stop making me feel things in public

 

pager_beeper_md:

someone warn me before the next public meltdown so i can clock out

 

bangs_and_brain:

warning: i’m about to say something petty

tendou your hairline be like a rollercoaster

 

cocoafreak666:

ok and your bangs be like a bowl that lost the will to live

kiss me on the mouth (no)

 

bangs_and_brain:

lmao okay fair

 

punctuation_king:

Announce when Kuroo arrives, Kenma. We will collectively lower your pulse.

 

laggingirlboss:

…he texted: “downstairs.” i’m gonna reboot my brain brb

 

napking:

stand up straight. open door. don’t meow.

 

laggingirlboss:

no promises.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

akaashi just put a blanket on my knees and i think that’s sex actually

 

punctuation_king:

It is not.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

ok but it FEELS like it. also childe just crit for 90k because he saw your jawline.

 

punctuation_king:

He did not.

 

rollingthunder69:

breaking news: lev tripped on air. yaku did not help. i respect a man who lets gravity educate.

 

tinybutdeadly:

Correct.

 

cosmic_serves17:

god i love this server. we’re all so sick in the head.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

drink water. moisturize. consent. no arson. i love you.

— — —

 

private dm — _eyebags_and_chaos ↔ _punctuation_king

 

_eyebags_and_chaos:

hey uh thanks for reading the label. words keep… jumbling. like lines swap places. makes me feel dumb sometimes.

 

_punctuation_king:

You are not dumb. Your brain simply uses a different route. I can be your captions.

 

_eyebags_and_chaos:

that’s weirdly hot

also wholesome

hate that for me

 

_punctuation_king:

Focus on breathing. Describe what your body needs, not what it “should” do.

 

_eyebags_and_chaos:

need: you next to me

the quiet

the blanket

biscuits that won’t kill me

and maybe your hand. on my wrist. grounding. if ok?

 

_punctuation_king:

Consent granted. Hand now on wrist. Pressure?

 

_eyebags_and_chaos:

little more. yeah. that’s it.

also if i type weird its bc letters won’t sit still. i can aim better in games than i can at sentences lol

 

_punctuation_king:

Then aim here. I’ll read, you play. You’re safe.

 

_eyebags_and_chaos:

ur dangerous keiji

 

_punctuation_king:

Only to your anxiety.

 

_eyebags_and_chaos:

and maybe my heart but ok hot librarian win i guess

Chapter 15

power bottoms united™

#general chat

---

laggingirlboss:

ok so like. hypothetically. if i asked kuroo “do u wanna date me” and he said “i thought we already were” would that mean i win or lose

 

napking:

kenma. that’s not hypothetical.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

i heard it. i was literally in the kitchen. mans said it with his dumb rooster smile. u win. also i’m moving out before yall start eye-fucking in the living room

 

punctuation_king:

We are still having biscuits, Suna. Sit down.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

see. only man who can leash me. terrifying.

 

miya_thighs13:

pause. why suna only chill wit akaashi 😐 sus ass behavior.

 

cosmic_serves17:

lowkey true. he’s like a feral cat that only listens to one person.

 

punctuation_king:

Because I respect his boundaries. And he respects mine. Revolutionary concept.

 

cocoafreak666:

ok but also ur secretly hot together. like domestic gf vibes.

 

laggingirlboss:

EXCUSE ME?? my bf is RIGHT HERE (kuroo sitting on my couch rn playing w my cat’s paw)

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

don’t worry i’m not stealing kuroo. akaashi’s scary enough 😌

 

rollingthunder69:

🧭 update: HOLA BITCHES 🇪🇸 im in SPAIN. five minutes ago i was in russia. do i have wings? maybe. do i care? no.

also i just hijacked a wedding. they said “speak now or forever hold your peace” and i screamed “GAY RIGHTS”

 

tinybutdeadly:

i’m so tired.

 

riceislife:

Come home, Noya.

 

rollingthunder69:

can’t. the tapas are too good. also lev and yaku kissed on facetime last night btw.

 

tinybutdeadly:

…how do you know that.

 

rollingthunder69:

bc yaku told me in a dream.

 

tinybutdeadly:

fine. yes. lev and i have been dating for three years. since russia. it wasn’t a secret, just not your business.

 

freckle_freak:

BRO. DROP THE MIC LIKE THAT???

 

bangs_and_brain:

that’s FIVE SHIPS. FIVE.

 

miya_thighs13:

ur telling me i went to JAIL. twice. and these hoes been cuffed since 2022???

 

cosmic_serves17:

cry harder loser.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

WAIT. michimiya texted me. she’s asking daichi out in a few days 😭😭😭

 

pinkslip_prince:

oh he spiraling.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

im literally rage-baking rn. brownies. cookies. banana bread. daichi’s dumb perfect smile is in the fucking flour.

 

napking:

bake ur feelings bro. therapy but edible.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

he’s gonna poison daichi with chocolate shaped like volleyballs.

 

laggingirlboss:

romantic.

 

cocoafreak666:

ok but can we circle back to kenma’s “hypothetical” date—

 

laggingirlboss:

NOT HYPOTHETICAL. I ASKED. HE SAID YES. I’M GAY MARRIED NOW.

 

miya_thighs13:

that’s not how marriage works babe 😭😭😭

 

rollingthunder69:

kenma + kuroo official. suna + akaashi lowkey domestic. yaku + lev revealed.

i knew all this btw. i read the script. i’m ur prophet. bow to me.

 

riceislife:

Noya. No one bows to you.

 

rollingthunder69:

except me in this spanish cathedral rn 😌 kneels dramatically

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

ok but real talk: if akaashi ever leaves me for bokuto i’ll just sit in a corner and bark.

 

punctuation_king:

You will not.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

yes i will.

 

cocoafreak666:

and i’ll record it.

 

freckle_freak:

what is this server even.

 

cosmic_serves17:

gay prophecy.

---

 

Chapter 16

Notes:

uhhh so like bokuakaosasuna 🤭🤭 bcc lowkey thought about it and i agree.

power bottoms united™

#general chat

---

rollingthunder69:

🧭 LIVE UPDATE FROM GREECE BITCHES 🇬🇷 i am SAILING.

like on a boat. a real ass BOAT.

there’s dolphins. there’s wine. there’s an old man named Demetrius telling me my “aura is unhinged.”

 

freckle_freak:

it IS unhinged.

 

napking:

weren’t you just in spain.

 

rollingthunder69:

listen. i follow the spirit of the gay wind. it carries me.

 

bangs_and_brain:

anyway. i ran into kindaichi today 😐

at walmart.

 

hydroflask_hero:

WHICH walmart.

 

bangs_and_brain:

NOT the one that caught fire three times. the OTHER one.

 

cocoafreak666:

ok but fr how y’all got like 6 walmarts within a 10 mile radius.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

capitalism.

 

laggingirlboss:

so. small question. very normal.

suna. why did u come home late last night.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

🧍‍♂️

 

laggingirlboss:

why did u smell like akaashi.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

that’s crazy.

 

laggingirlboss:

and WHY were u smiling like a motherfucker who just saw heaven and tasted it too.

 

freckle_freak:

HUH???

 

miya_thighs13:

WAIT. NO. WAIT.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it—

 

cosmic_serves17:

DID Y’ALL EAT EACH OTHER OUT??????

 

napking:

hELLO??????

 

punctuation_king:

We had biscuits. We read. Suna played Genshin.

It was calm.

 

cocoafreak666:

define calm.

 

punctuation_king:

We’re both trans and tired. Let us have this.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

akaashi got pretty thighs. that’s all.

 

miya_thighs13:

NOOOO WHAT THE FUCK

 

riceislife:

Language.

 

tinybutdeadly:

…so are you dating or just. sharing thigh compliments.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

iunno.

 

punctuation_king:

I will not disclose.

 

laggingirlboss:

not you both acting like divorcees having an affair.

 

rollingthunder69:

HELLO??? WHAT ABOUT OSAMU??? BOKUTO???

Y’ALL HAD CRUSHES. DID YOU CHEAT.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

nah. just distracted.

 

miya_thighs13:

bruh.

 

freckle_freak:

bro.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

boi.

 

cocoafreak666:

do y’all need help.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

yes.

 

punctuation_king:

No.

 

napking:

the duality of man.

 

hydroflask_hero:

wait. did suna even like osamu that bad or was he just horny and projecting

 

rollingthunder69:

that’s deep

 

pinkslip_prince:

pause. hold on. was bokuto just a comfort hyperfixation or a genuine gay spiral

 

punctuation_king:

Both can be true.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

ok but fr i was calm the whole time. akaashi got a vibe that makes u wanna shut up n fold laundry with him

 

laggingirlboss:

fold laundry = sex

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

it was one kiss.

 

punctuation_king:

A brief one.

 

laggingirlboss:

AND Y’ALL ACT LIKE THAT AIN’T GAY????

 

riceislife:

Let them breathe.

 

rollingthunder69:

NO. THEY HAD OPTIONS.

SUNA U HAD A WHOLE MAN. BOKUTO BEEN A LITTLE SHIRTLESS FLUFF BALL SINCE DAY 1

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

yea but akaashi got that quiet sad hot boy thing that makes me feral

 

freckle_freak:

sunashi is born.

 

momfriend_supremacy:

akaasuna?

 

napking:

akaachu.

 

cosmic_serves17:

bro y’all ship names sound like anime viruses

 

cocoafreak666:

ok but like. now i need a diagram. suna likes osamu. also maybe akaashi. akaashi likes bokuto. also maybe suna. bokuto likes akaashi. osamu has a girlfriend??

 

miya_thighs13:

🤮 she’s not real.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

bro i spiraled once.

 

laggingirlboss:

you spiraled twelve times. and tried to hump the bookshelf.

 

rollingthunder69:

and this is why i’m in GREECE. I’M AVOIDING Y’ALL. i saw two dolphins kissing and almost cried.

 

riceislife:

Noya. That was a buoy and a plastic bag.

 

rollingthunder69:

shut up shinsuke let me live

 

bangs_and_brain:

i literally just said i saw kindaichi at walmart and now we’re talking about thigh biting.

 

pinkslip_prince:

this is a group therapy session disguised as a server

 

tinybutdeadly:

i need bleach.

 

eyebags_and_chaos:

no u need akaashi thighs on ur face

 

punctuation_king:

Goodbye.

---

 

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 15 of Haikyuu