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Hermes, by all accounts, was a messenger. A psychopomp. He had a million things to do all at once, so he was always behind when it came to mortal affairs-- or rather, things that he actually cared about. Because of this, he raced across the seas to get to Ithaca for Odysseus.
Why wouldn't he? The man was his favourite, and his wife and son were always a pleasure to see. He had heard of his sister and Odysseus's fallout (which was bad, she had PROMISED him that she would take care of him, that was why Hermes agreed to LET Athena have a greater claim on him-- this is why Hermes has to do everything himself) and knew that the man needed some sort of divine guidance despite being clever and tricky. After all, he did piss off Uncle Poseidon, and shaking the Sea God's wrath was not an easy task. Still though, he assumed Athena would be meddling a little bit still, post Circe's island, because she cared about him, as much as she said she didn't.
And yet here he was, racing across the sea to Ithaca because Circe of all people freaked out about Odysseus enough. Apparently she had been searching for 3 years, 6 years since she met Odysseus, wanting to annoy him since he was the only man who had the proper braincells she'd ever interacted with and she was bored.
Circe freaked out, not Athena.
Hermes was going to fucking kill his sister.
Fucking Athena. Stupid Athena.
He could find any soul. He can do that. He's trained to do that. But when he had talked to Circe, assumed she was just overreacting when she said she couldn't find Odysseus... he couldn't find his soul anywhere.
Cue Hermes meltdown. It wasn't possible. Unless they took a dip into the Styx, he should be able to find any soul, even down in the Underworld. This was not physically possible. He's the psychopomp for crying out loud, he should know where souls are to guide them and yet--!
It's also honestly why he spent the last four years being harried. He was overworked as is. Yet in times of him being free, he searched for his great grandson, before flying over to Ithaca. Maybe he was there already? Hermes didn't put it past Odysseus to have maybe some sort of magic or something that allowed him to hide from gods, since he pissed off Uncle Poseidon, so maybe he had been home this entire time, and Hermes and Circe were freaking out over nothing. Yeah. That was probably it. Odysseus cloaked himself and is now spending time with his family.
His family. Shit. He knew Anticlea had died, and that there were a concerning amount of deaths from Ithaca, the death toll rising over the past ten years, ever since Odysseus was declared missing. He didn't know what was happening per se but he couldn't check on them since Father had him kept chained to his sides at all times. Shit. Maybe he should have bothered to ask the souls. Or gone down to see Anticlea, but Father had been aggressive about his whereabouts lately.
(He feels bad. He should have seen his granddaughter. He should have. Why didn't he look?)
But he tried to calm himself.
Surely Athena didn't abandon the entire family. She practically blessed everyone. At the very least, Penelope and Telemachus should be okay...
Except--
Hermes is the god of travel, speed, messengers, thieves. He is the god of crossroads and boundaries. He knows when boundaries are crossed without permission. He is WHY xenia exists. Okay, no. Father is why it exists, but Hermes takes care of all the people using loopholes to get around xenia. He isn't the god of cunning for nothing. (He should also most probably definitely fix problems with xenia before Hestia finds out. Because Father created it, Hermes enforces it, Hestia is xenia. And he's going to be so in trouble for not acting...)
Which was why when he touched down on the balcony connected the throne room-- and the first thing he saw was a filthy pig-headed man reaching out to touch Penelope while her back was turned--
He had wasted no time in donning a human form and pressing a wine goblet into this arrogant bastard's hand as he crossed the room in three strides.
"Wine?" he asked, almost through gritted teeth. "Need not fret my lord, you shan't have to stand and reach out for wine."
Penelope startled at the sudden presence behind her, spinning around, weary eyes clocking what was happening in an instant.
Dear gods she looked horrible. Well, no. Not horrible. She had always been devastatingly beautiful, that was the Naiad heritage she had-- but no, she looked like she was withering away in real time. She looked like she was about to fall over with another step, like the dark circles under her eyes were weights too heavy for her entire body to hold up.
What the hell? Okay. Play the part, Hermes. Play the part. Bring the queen away from these men-- men that he was now counting to about 108, all with that same leery look, same disgusting, lustful, arrogant grin that dripped with dark hunger. They surrounded Penelope and him, and for a moment, he thought that if he was actually mortal... the guards at the door wouldn't matter. If they all rushed them, they would be dead in an instant.
He smiled again, sharp and pointed, as the oaf with far too many jewels for his station sat down heavily again in his seat, eyes sliding towards Penelope again in that same, leery grin.
"Well, at least someone knows xenia around here..." the man-child drawled, voice like honey and syrup, sticky sweet, too sticky for the gnat that he was.
Penelope inclined her head. "My apologies. I did not know you were reaching for wine."
"Well, there are much better things I was reaching out to..." he smirked, and his voice made Hermes's skin crawl. The way he gave Penelope an obvious once over made Hermes want to stab his eyes out with a fork.
He SHOULD, honestly. Hermes should just drop the mortal disguise and punish these fools for breaking conduct--
"If you'll excuse me, I need assistance with prayers to Lord Hermes on behalf of my husband," Penelope spoke up, cutting through his rageful thoughts. She wasn't looking at the man-child, however, she was looking at him, as if she knew exactly who he was despite the mortal disguise.
Before Hermes could be confused, or even voice out anything related to that statement, the man-child laughed, low and sleazy.
"Lord Hermes won't save the old king. He's dead, your majesty. It's been ten years since the war ended and he's still not back. If Lady Athena hasn't brought him back, I doubt Lord Hermes will. I think he's already in the Underworld."
A chill went down Hermes's spine. So Odysseus wasn't back. Again, what the fuck, Athena? Hermes had left him in her care, and this-- he should have checked on him. He should have. Why did he trust his sister?
No, this is even worse. He should have checked on them. Because they were still alive. But that didn't mean everything was okay. Fuck Father. He should have-- but he thought--
"You will not speak of my husband that way," Penelope said sharply, though it was laced with exhaustion, like she had said that over and over and over again. "He will come back. He is just... taking his time. I believe Lord Hermes will speed up his return. He is the god of travelers, after all."
"Why on this mortal plane would Lord Hermes favour your husband?"
"He is..." Penelope's eyes flicked towards Hermes for a moment, contemplating what to say. "... in the state of travel. He would naturally fall under Lord Hermes's domain. And he would speed up his return if I gave offerings that would be pleasing to him."
Nice, she omitted the fact that Odysseus was his descendant. It wouldn't do to reveal that, not to these opportunistic sharks in the water. The thing was, Penelope was already bleeding, and they were already circling.
"The kingdom is demanding for a new king. They do not want to be ruled only by a queen," the man-child continued. "Surely you care about your kingdom that you would not deprive them, us, of a king?" The man-child walked closer, sneering, forcing Penelope to take a step back, then instinctively brace herself for something, eyes glazing over--
Enough. Hermes has had enough.
He cleared his throat. "My Queen, the offerings to Lord Hermes?"
Penelope looked startled, like she had forgotten he was there, or that she was falling asleep on her feet. She blinked at him owlishly, almost like a child just waking up from a nightmare, before her expression smoothed into one of queenly royalty. It was eerily uncanny, how hard it was to tell that Penelope was just seconds away from falling flat on her face.
"Of course. Excuse me." She spun quickly, and began walking, not looking back. He quickly fell into step behind her, reading the silent command of following her. Also, it was to prevent the man-child from touching her again.
Hermes cycled through this newfound information in his head as they walked, though. He clocked the lesser numbers of staff, the way the guards were always at attention, always stiff, always ready to attack. The way the female staff made themselves scarce and the few that he did saw carried this haunted look-- the same one some of Father's victims had after he... paid them a visit because he found them pretty.
He swallowed hard. Xenia never specified what could be done to the staff and slaves, or those deemed lesser than the hosting household. A loophole. A very, very big loophole.
Penelope turned the corner to a room he knew was dedicated to Athena. Not a lot of people knew about the family's connection to him, and they had liked to keep it that way. They made public that their patron goddess had always been Athena with some side worships to him, but... nobody but the royal family actually knew that they had no shrine or altar to him. As far as the servants and 'guests' could tell, this was a room dedicated to the gods in general, not just Athena.
He watched her fumble with the lock with shaking hands, finally managing to lock the door with a quiet click, and her shoulders relaxed.
"Don't tell me he's dead."
Her voice sounded... like it was halfway into the Underworld, and was going to complete that journey if he confirmed that Odysseus was, indeed, dead.
(Hermes is 100% sure Odysseus is not dead. He would KNOW. But what he's not sure is WHY Odysseus isn't home in the first place.)
"He's not dead," Hermes confirmed, and watched her lean her forehead against the door at that.
"Do you know where he is?" she asked softly.
No, he doesn't. And it irritated him. Because he's the messenger. He can find anybody, dead or alive. From Olympus to the lowest pits in Tartarus, he could find anybody. But now, as he dropped his human disguise and focused on the hum of the strings of fate... he can't find Odysseus.
"No."
Then the panic began to set in again. Because nobody is supposed to be able to hide from him. Especially not a mortal. Other gods? Fine. Whatever. They can hide from them. But not from him. He has to take them down to the Underworld when they die.
So whatever Odysseus is doing, wherever he is, what he's involved in-- Hermes can't find him. Hermes can't--
And Penelope had come to that same conclusion too, because she crumpled against the door, legs unable to hold her weight anymore. Narrowly, Hermes managed to catch her before her head collided with the corner of the altar to Athena.
Athena.
"Had Athena been by?" he asked gently, oh so gently, because she had collapsed and her face had taken on a different pallor. She didn't need him yelling.
Hermes never got angry. He always laughed. Always smiled. Even when it hurt. Even when he was supposed to take things seriously. Because he didn't care. And for once in his immortal life, he found mortals he cared about. It didn't matter that they had limited lifespans-- he's the god of travel! He can visit them when they die! He'll always be there.
Except right now he can't. Because fucking Athena abandoned one of her prolific patron families. And he didn't see-- they didn't call him because Athena was supposed to take care of them-- Penelope didn't even get into the fallout with Athena, why the fuck did Athena abandon Penelope--
She shivered, curling in on herself, trying to push herself away from him. Hermes saw the sheen of sweat on her forehead, as she ripped off her veil, as if to give herself more oxygen.
He took a breath.
First things first. Get Penelope to bed. Easy enough. The space warped around them and deposited them into the bedroom, where he carefully laid her down in the olive tree bed, carefully tucking her in.
If he didn't know any better-- he'd say that she was dead.
Hermes rummaged around in his messenger bag, pulling out his caduceus staff as Penelope began to feebly try to fight him and get out of bed.
"... Odysseus..." she slurred. "'M not sick, my love. I just need... to walk it off."
Oh Penelope.
Quietly, he tapped the staff against her forehead and she fell limp almost immediately, eyes sliding shut in almost a fevered dream. For good measure, he blew a palmful of sand in her face, the grains disappearing immediately after hitting her skin, imbuing her thoughts passage to happier memories. Hopefully Morpheus would have good luck.
Now, he wasn't good at temperatures or feeling how hot or cold something was due to how he moved and his constant exposure to either extreme, but he did know enough about human medicine from Apollo to clock how pale she was, the way she shivered even in a hot day, the thin sheen of sweat on her skin...
Hm. Water. Lots of it. And then... human medicine. He'll leave a message for the doctor in the medical wing. Or-- no. He doesn't know who were the staff who remained loyal to Penelope or those who turned to the suitors. He'll leave a message for Telemachus.
To take care of Penelope-- he's not good at that, providing actual care. But... he's good at improvising.
And he's good at yelling at older sisters who seem to have forgotten promises made.
He's good at fixing things. He's Hermes. He's Father's golden boy. Second only to Athena when it comes to their father's favouritism.
He will fix this. He has to.
Hermes cursed angrily, pacing. He could force Apollo down, but he'd rather not involve other gods unless he really had to, outside of Athena. And he was already regretting letting Athena help in the first place.
He was cunning, yes. But he was so goddamn naive, for a liar. He took a deep breath he didn't need, before he angrily placed down a protection charm on the room, slamming his caduceus into the ground, making the room ripple gold and silver for a moment, distorting reality, before everything warped back into place.
It wouldn't stop the real monsters from getting in, it was only meant to stop the likes of the more traditional monsters. Still though, he hated being useless.
Okay. Message the boy. Grab Athena. Shake her awake. And then tell Circe what the fuck is going on so she doesn't rip through another island or create another Scylla because she was annoyed.
Okay, Hermes. You can do this. You're capable. You are your Father's son. You can do it. You're fast, you're a messenger, you're Father's (workhorse) personal herald. You uphold a lot of responsibilities. This is fine. Everything is fine. Okay. Okay. Okay.
(Why is he panicking?)
Breaths, Hermes. Breaths. He phased through the bedroom door in invisibility, noting the two royal guards stationed on either side of the door, before drifting down the hallway, searching for Telemachus.
... which wasn't long, because he could hear someone threatening the pigs to back off from Telemachus.
Oh no.
Hermes sped over, watching in horror as a big man, dark skinned with long braids and scars, loomed over Telemachus and his guard-- Linos, if he remembered correctly. Last he heard, Telemachus had developed a little bit of a crush on the boy.
It was just as well, honestly. At least Telemachus wasn't alone and wasn't friendless all these years.
Still, Hermes observed first, eyes narrowing at the situation.
"Come on, prince!" One of the suitors jeered. "Come on, it's not you we'll be fighting, it's him. No rule against fighting the guards."
"Xenia states--" Telemachus began before he was cut off by booming laughter, loud and raucous, from the men standing around him.
"Yes, but he's not family, is he? Not officially so by your King. Therefore he's just a guard," the suitor in front of him sneered, seizing Linos by the armor plate and almost lifting him in the air. "Even though Queen Penelope has apparently raised him alongside you, even calls him one of hers... he's just a guard. He's not part of the host family."
"Back off-!" Telemachus snapped. "Leave him alone, Antinous."
The pig's name was Antinous. Hermes filed that away for later, ichor boiling in his veins as he plotted. How does he smite this pathetic creature--
Focus. Penelope. Get her son and his crush out of here.
"Hm, he doesn't look like a man to me, friends," Antinous chuckled to the other suitors around him. "He looks like a boy swinging swords and playing games he has no power in... just like his charge."
Linos swung his legs up, trapping Antinous's neck in a flying triangle choke, pulling both of them down to the floor as Linos seized control of the arm gripping him, wrenching his arm backwards, forcing Antinous to cry out in pain.
"... I... am a royal guard..." Linos gritted his teeth, tightening the chokehold he had on Antinous. "... and I have earned my position... alongside Prince Telemachus. You will not harm me or him, while I still breathe."
Antinous choked out, laughing.
"... you're not... denying that you're... not a man..."
Linos smoothly shifted positions so now he was behind Antinous, wrenching him upright in a chokehold, pulling his other arm behind him into an armlock, using gravity and Antinous's own weight to choke him out against his arm.
"If that were true, you were beaten by a boy," Linos hissed, before releasing him as the other suitors circled, tighter. He dusted himself off and glared at all of them. "I am a royal guard. I am one of the elitest soldiers in the Ithacan army. I have earned my place amongst them by trial by combat and won. I may be the youngest member, but I earned it with my own skill and talent-- not because my father was formerly a guard, not because I grew up with the prince, not because the queen practically raised me. You will do well to leave the royal family alone, as well as the rest of the staff and slaves."
One of the suitors laughed. "You are in no position to be threatening us, boy."
Telemachus opened his mouth to speak, but Linos stopped him, shaking his head. If Telemachus spoke now, the suitors could really accuse Linos of nepotism. Hm. The boy wasn't dim after all, Hermes mused, watching this. Skilled and clever. Let's see if he was clever enough to win Hermes's favour.
Linos considered what to say next, and then smiled. "No, I'm in no position to threaten. You are correct. I am in position to promise. Or do you forget? In order to win the queen's favour you would do well to treat who she says as family well... or she will not select you as her new husband. And if she does not because you simply felt emasculated and felt the need to wail on one of her royal guards... well then, now that would be an embarrassment, wouldn't it?"
Antinous pushed himself up, growling. "... you--"
Linos gestured to Antinous. "An example of said embarrassment. You said I wasn't a man. So... you were beaten by a boy. How curious. I don't think Queen Penelope would marry someone who was physically floored by someone he called a boy. The rest of you may have a chance yet."
The suitors laughed at Antinous, while buzzing intensifies in the hall, suitors side eyeing each other, aware that this is a competition, a race against each other.
Suddenly, the suitors were hissing, as Antinous got to his feet and tried belatedly to assert power.
It didn't work. In the chaos, Linos and Telemachus had managed to slip away, without a word, as the suitors began to argue amongst themselves and even fight each other, chaos erupting from those words alone.
Hermes followed the two boys, who both had taken an unconventional way out: out of a window into the palace gardens, landing in bushes of poppies.
"Ow!" Telemachus hissed, rubbing his temple. "Linos, why in Hades would you do that? You could have gotten yourself killed!"
Linos shook off his nerves and presence, shrinking back into himself. "Well... I just did what Queen Penelope would do, you know... I've seen her do it loads of times. I just feel like it wouldn't have been resolved in a fight. Now that genuinely would have gotten us killed."
"... you're such an idiot," Telemachus sighed. "I don't want to explain to mother why you're dead."
Linos chuckled, a rosy blush colouring his cheeks. "Well, um... if I do die, it's probably for a noble cause."
Telemachus scoffed, punching him in the arm. "Jerk. And leave me here alone with these men? What betrayal. I thought you would be my guard forever."
Linos shifted with the punch, laughing. "So you only see me as a guard, then. Good to know, good to know--"
"Asshole," Telemachus muttered and the guard chuckled, getting to his feet.
"My job is to keep you real, as your best friend," Linos shrugged. "Though it seems I've been demoted."
Telemachus let out a laugh, pushing at Linos's face with a poppy. "You're so overdramatic."
"Me? You should see yourself!"
Hermes felt almost bad for interrupting this moment, but he had to. Penelope's condition might get worse and he had delayed enough. He could feel Father's disappointment in him as he hesitated over returning to Olympus.
(But this was important.)
So Hermes dropped a small parchment paper, letting it flutter down towards the two boys, watching them both pick it up, and look around, before helping each other to their feet and running off, following his instructions on the paper.
Good.
Hermes took a breath. Now... the hard part. Athena. Gods, even her name made him infuriated. And Odysseus--
Shit. Shit, shit, shit-- so much to do.
Athena, you better have answers.