Chapter Text
Pain had become like second nature to Ken by now. It usually varied in its intensity, varied how long it lasted. But what was always more or less the same was the way it started; a heavy pressure somewhere deep within his body. Sometimes it was behind his hammering heart, spreading poison with every painful beat. Other times a vice-like grip around his skull, making his vision blurry and mind an endless sea of fog.
With each passing second it would slowly unfurl itself, igniting every single nerve in his body in a blazing fire. His bones would feel like they were shifting with every breath he took, rearranging themselves in ways that felt wrong. The skin along his spine would prickle, tiny needles dragging themselves through bones and marrow.
At first, the pain had only lasted for a few hours after each transformation before subsiding into nothingness. But with time, it would stretch into days until finally there would be random flare-ups even when he hadn't been in his Yokai form for a while. For hours on end, multiple times a day. The tiniest amounts of respite granted sparsely throughout the day.
And so he simply just... started living with it. Accepting that this was just how things were now. Just like he had done with everything else that had happened lately.
Still, some things took some adjusting to. Like the bottle of painkillers he's holding in his hands, the pills rattling with every anxious twist and turn. It's not long until he has to leave for school, every indecisive second that ticks by making the bottle heavier and heavier.
Ken's gaze flickers between the bottle and his school bag. It would be really bad if anyone were to notice the amount of medicine he's carrying with him.
At best, someone would become suspicious. He really doesn't want to explain any of this to his teachers.
At worst, someone could become worried. In this case his friends and he isn't certain whether he'd be able to handle their mix of questions and varying degrees of pity.
The absolute worst case scenario, however, would be if Miss Ayase were to ever find out. Would she think of him as weak, for attempting to drown out his pain in such a pitiful attempt? They both have sacrificed so much these last few months, gone through so much awful and downright horrible things together. So much pain. Yet she's still carrying on with such strong confidence, head held high and never faltering for a moment. And he... can't.
A nerve jumps alongside Ken's jaw, a shard of glass cutting deeper and deeper into his flesh. Burying itself and sinking into bone with enough force to momentarily leave his breath stuck in his throat.
He closes his eyes, forcing himself to take deep heavy breaths as the pain passes by. A trickle of ice cold sweat runs down the back of his neck.
The bottle of painkillers end up in his bag as he takes his leave, all the while he is trying to ignore the fact that they had never worked to begin with. No matter how many times he shoved a pill down his throat, begging that this time, surely, it'd work and leave his body in numbing bliss.
As he walks outside, he can see Miss Ayase waiting at their usual spot, Vamola beside her who is all bright smiles and animated chatter.
He can feel some of the tension melt away from him as he makes his way toward the two girls, nearly managing to ignore the jolt that runs up his leg.
Vamola's smile brightens even more as she spots him, eagerly waving him over. Miss Ayase, however, looks a tad more irritated as she points an accusing finger at him.
''You. Are late.''
''Late!'' Vamola heartily agrees.
Ken fidgets with the straps of his bag, gaze falling to the ground as he falls into step beside them.
''Oh, right. I kind of got distracted. Sorry,'' he says, voice small and cheeks slightly flushed.
Miss Ayase huffs, even as her shoulder gently bumps into his.
''What, more news about some alien sighting in bumfuck nowhere?'' She asks.
Ken manages a small smile at that. For her, smiling is never painful.
''There could be,'' he says, tone a gentle tease. "I could even show you what I found later today, if you'd like."
It had taken some time, but by now Okarun would say he'd gotten pretty decent at reading Miss Ayase. That is how he can notice the way her features subtly soften as their gazes meet, the slight sparkle in her eyes that promises an endless amount of teasing he has come to find out he doesn't terribly mind.
It's a soft, if not a slightly awkward moment that leaves Ken's throat dry. And that's when he notices Vamola looking at him, head slightly tilted to the side.
''Are you hurt?''
Ken fumbles to a stop. Next to him he can feel Miss Ayase freeze as well. He doesn't dare look at her.
''W-What?'' Is his voice too high-pitched? Too suspicious? Can any of them hear the way his heartbeat has picked up its pace, threatening to explode out of his chest?
Vamola points at his feet, concern twisting and turning her otherwise cheery expression.
''You walk weird.''
Ken nearly curses out loud. He can feel Miss Ayase's looming presence over his shoulder, pouring into his lungs and suffocating him like smoke.
While his brain is working overtime trying to come up with an excuse, any kind of excuse, he doesn't notice the way Miss Ayase has snuck up behind him before there's a foot connecting to the back of his shins.
He takes an awkward stumble forwards as his legs give out, a wounded sound escaping him as he turns to giver her a look.
''Miss Ayase?"
"You've been working out again, haven't you? I thought I told you to take it easy after the last time you came home all limping and barely able to stand," she says, voice tinged with disappointment.
It stings, mostly because he remembers just how badly in shape he had been that time and how greatly it had worried Miss Ayase. In a panic, he had made up a stupid, idiotic lie of how he had managed to tear up a muscle during his last work out session. Regardless of how his feet had actually felt like something had snapped apart.
Just like that time, the lie comes out easily this time as well.
"You're right," he says, even as the words feel like ash in his mouth. He looks away from her, adjusting his glasses. ''I'll take better care next time. Promise.''
He can tell that is not the answer she had wanted to hear, but by that point they have reached the school gates.
"I'll see you at lunch, Miss Ayase. Vamola."
He hurries past the two girls before either of them can get the chance to say more, back hunched over as fire erupts down his spine, muscles shutting down with each step.
From behind him he can hear Miss Ayase speak in hushed tones to Vamola.
"Make sure to keep an eye on him today."
"Okay!"