Work Text:
Seungkwan
Everyone is weird.
On any other day, Seungkwan would be quick to admit that it's probably his chronic hypervigilance acting up. Yes, he’s the type to overthink things to hell and back, to dig so deep he will crawl out of the opposite side of the Earth, holding an entirely made-up conflict, impossible to convince that everything is fine.
No, he doesn't think it's the same thing this time.
First of all, by “everyone”, he really only means the hip-hop unit—an oddity in itself. Sweet and straightforward, Mingyu’s occasional cattiness aside, these are the members he normally finds easiest to read and deal with.
Second, he didn't even do anything.
He showed up five minutes before the start of practice as his usual mildly undercaffeinated self, threw a cheerful hello at the room, dropped his bag in the corner and sat on the floor next to Hansol. As he does. But when he looked up to check who else was already there, three things happened: Mingyu beamed ear to ear, uncharacteristically delighted to see him for it being 7:55 in the morning; Seungcheol looked away pointedly, eyes wide and face a little rosy; and Wonwoo whistled. Granted, he was pretty much immediately embarrassed with himself, but—what?
“Seungkwannie, are you sure that’s what happened?” Jeonghan asks yet again, stirring more sugar into his horrible concoction of a latte. “Don’t get me wrong, I just—I wasn’t there, so I’m genuinely asking. I’m struggling to imagine Wonwoo doing… that.”
Leaning against the kitchen counter, Seungkwan lets out the mother of all sighs. “Yeah, well, I’m struggling to forget it now. I know what I saw, hyung. Or heard. Mingyu’s fucking grin, too. That was just creepy.”
“Mingyu loves you, Kwan-ah.”
“Right. And Coups-hyung was simply blinded by my beauty, and the scary eyes were just because he couldn't see shit.”
He wishes he could have another iced americano right now—it’s four in the afternoon, the perfect time—but he promised Hansol he would stop at seven shots a day. Lucky number, his ass. It’s not helping him process the day’s events.
After a ten-second staredown, Jeonghan tuts in defeat. “Fine, you baby. I'll talk to Cheollie.”
Jeonghan
If there’s one thing better than a post-sex cuddle, it’s a post-sex gossip session.
“Cheollie.”
“Mhm?”
“Do you happen to know why Seungkwannie came home yesterday and complained about your unit members, you included, being weird to him?”
Seungcheol’s face turns red in mere seconds.
He does not say anything.
“Oh my god. Cheol-ah. What did you do.”
“I didn’t do anything! It’s him! It’s all him!”
“Who, Seungkwan?”
“Oh no, no.” Seungcheol grabs his phone off the nightstand and pulls up a chat on KaTalk. Hip Hop Team, it says. He scrolls up and up and—
Whoa.
“Holy shit.” Jeonghan’s face is pure glee. This is going to be so fun. “Horny bastard.”
“Exactly.”
“Does he remember this?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this drunk before,” Seungcheol grimaces, half-pitying, half-laughing. “He rushed to delete the messages when I told him, but he was completely wasted. Maybe he only deleted them for himself—well, obviously.” Given that I am showing these to you, he means, gesturing vaguely at the screen. “And now he has nothing to remind him of it, either.”
“Wow. I am so pleased with this information. I love you.”
Seungcheol scowls, as threatening as a month-old lion cub. “You will not use it for evil, Yoon Jeonghan. You will not use my trauma like that.”
(He is especially scary when he grumbles an I love you too right after.)
“Oh I won’t use it for evil,” Jeonghan protests anyway, putting his hands up. Who does Seungcheol take him for? “Just for fun. Humble husband, my god, they’re like, 10 years old.”
“They’re 23, Han-ah.”
“Same thing. I birthed them myself, and now I have to read this filth.”
Seungcheol laughs, then visibly considers for a second. “If you birthed them, wouldn’t that make them siblings?”
Dear god. Ew.
Seungkwan
Seungkwan is determined to act unbothered, which is why he still chose to join Mingyu and Wonwoo on their monthly coffee date. He’s wiping condensation off his iced americano glass when his phone rings; Hansollie, white heart emoji.
“Hi love.”
“Hi babe,” Hansol greets cutely. “Are we still on for tonight?”
It's their first proper evening together since Seungkwan came back from Busan, planned in great detail even before he left. Hansol said there was a movie they absolutely had to watch. Seungkwan is really looking forward to listening to him talk about it.
“Of course we are.”
And to getting his ass eaten, as promised. Details.
“Cool. By any chance, did you turn the—”
“Yes, yes. You said you’d be coming over, so of course I plugged it in.”
The water cooler. Seungkwan prefers their ice machine, but ice is too cold for Hansol; he likes his water at a respectable 17 degrees, Seungkwan-ah, that’s where it’s at. Seungkwan was happy to let him set up whatever he needed—it’s not like they were struggling for kitchen space.
Hansol hums. “Thanks, babe. Do you want me to bring any of your shirts back from my place? There’s a whole bunch at this point. I even got them washed a little while ago.”
“You sweet boy,” Seungkwan can’t help but murmur. “Yes, the big blue one with a star.”
“On it.”
“See you soon, Ddori.”
Once they hang up, Seungkwan notices Wonwoo’s weird Mona Lisa-esque smile, and Mingyu doing that thing again. The grinning.
“You freaks,” Mingyu enunciates. “Boo Seungkwan. I knew it.”
Now, what the fuck was that for?
“You know what—maybe I don’t want to know. Please just tell me about your new kitchen table.”
Hansol
“What the fuck is up with your members?” Seungkwan groans as he attaches himself to Hansol's side on the couch. He’s fresh out of the shower and smells really good. Hansol is having a bit of a hard time concentrating. “I hate them and they're all stupid.”
He does not elaborate. Hansol knows he just wants to be asked, which—gladly, but maybe not right away, so:
“You love them,” he argues, just to be contrarian. “And they're all stupid.”
It works. Seungkwan levels him with a look, then snorts. “Glad we agree on one thing.”
“Mhm.” Feather-light fingers start tracing patterns on his arm, which is not conducive to conversation, but he shall persevere. “What’d they do now?”
The thing is, Hansol did see what happened at practice the other day. He was just mentally preoccupied with enjoying his boyfriend’s return, and also just kind of assumed it was some sort of a one-off inside joke. Maybe from the gay-club-goers-and-Wonwoo group chat or something. (He has that one muted.) But what he thought was an isolated incident has apparently turned into a string of weird encounters, with Seungkwan complaining daily about one person or the other, or all of them. And Hansol really doesn't know how to help.
“Mingyu and Wonwoo. They were just… so weird. Again. I took your call when we sat down at the table and the moment I hang up, Kim Mingyu smiles like a fucking moron, again, and calls us two freaks. Me and you, I mean. Like—what?”
“Huh.”
In fact, Hansol is starting to get the impression that he is missing some key context. Like, in general.
Because—it’s looking more and more like Hansol himself is also implicated in this nonsense. They’re just teasing Seungkwan more because it’s more fun. The most Hansol has been getting is an occasional cryptic look from Wonwoo. Assessing.
But this is something for future Hansol to think about.
He is actually busy being a freak.
Seungkwan
Seungkwan is an idiot.
He was so swamped with recordings this week that he lost track of days, and now it’s November 9th, which means tomorrow is November 10th, and he hasn’t planned anything at all. He’s not sure he has the time for a last-minute gift, either, and it would probably be too obvious anyway.
He was hit with the realisation during a somewhat rushed brunch with Mingyu, and so Mingyu has been held hostage as an unfortunate victim of his panic-rambling.
“Don't worry, Seungkwan-ah. I know Hansollie will understand, and maybe he planned something himself anyways,” he consoles, for at least the third time in the past fifteen minutes. “As for the gift, hmm… You’re enough of a gift, no?” He smiles wryly. “Maybe wear those panties he likes for good measure.”
“Those—Kim Mingyu.”
“It's ‘hyung’ for you, actually.” Motherfucker.
And that fucking face again.
“How do you know this,” Seungkwan hisses. “Hyung.”
“I'm simply very observant, in case you didn't notice,” he sing-songs.
“Oh don't start this bullshit with me now,” Seungkwan snaps, probably a bit too harsh but also shaken enough not to care. “Wait.”
The dots might just be connecting in his head in real time, because—
“Last week. Were the guys weird because of this, too? Did you tell them something?”
Mingyu pulls a face. “I didn't tell them anything.”
Someone else did, then. Seungkwan raises an eyebrow and waits for him to finish, but after half a minute it's clear Mingyu isn't planning on saying more.
One thing Seungkwan really hates is feeling left out. Being out of the loop. Everyone but him being in on a joke he’s supposedly part of? Kind of his worst nightmare. Seungkwan hates this and he hates this stupid day and—
“Yeah, you know what? Fuck you, actually,” he spits, already half on his way out.
Paying for his coffee is the least Mingyu could do.
Mingyu
Here’s what went down:
It was a perfectly normal Saturday night out after a unit recording session. They’d done a good job; they went out for some meat and drinks.
About two hours in, they were in the middle of a heated discussion on the best and worst kinds of fish to eat when something clattered to the floor.
“Oops,” Hansol said after a beat, dipping down under the table. As he resurfaced, he barely checked the phone for damage before unlocking it and starting to type furiously, face flushed adorably after an admittedly uncharacteristic amount of soju. Seungkwan-related separation anxiety or something—Mingyu wasn’t sure, but it was almost always about Seungkwan, and he was away until tomorrow, so.
Suddenly, Wonwoo burst into a fit of giggles against his shoulder, and Mingyu was almost too distracted to notice his own phone vibrating in his pocket.
But then it happened again.
And again. And again.
His phone only vibrated to a few select Seventeen-related chats. They had a semi-official rule against double (and triple, and quadruple) texting in quick succession, which meant there was some rapid-fire discussion going on, which meant it was something either important or really fucking funny, so he opened KaTalk to check.
Hip Hop Team
[Seventeen Hansollie]
[10:04 PM] what the fucj kwanah
[10:04 PM] baby you cant just do that im out with the hhyungs right now
[10:04 PM] tho after this i'd ditch them if you were in town
[10:05 PM] when you're back will you pleaseeeeee let me
[10:05 PM] spank you like this myself
[10:05 PM] see it get allred and cute
[10:05 PM] and then i’ll eat it until youcry
[10:05 PM] the way you like it
[10:05 PM] please humor thid humble husband
When Mingyu looked up, Hansol was boring a hole in his phone screen with a stare that appeared simultaneously horny, angry and yearning.
Ah.
[Seventeen Hansollie]
[10:06 PM] and no im not mad at yyuo
[10:06 PM] however
[10:06 PM] i will be if you dont wear thes epanties next timewe see each othrr
[10:06 PM] and the blue plug .
[10:06 PM] god youre so hot
Mingyu felt his eyebrows approach his hairline. A good person would have stopped Hansol right there, but—Seungkwan never told him these things, okay? As eager as he was to hear about Mingyu's own escapades, he had never, ever, ever shared anything about his and Hansol’s sex life. And Mingyu was nosy. Mingyu had begged. He wanted to know so badly what kind of freak it took to finally make Boo Seungkwan not complain.
(If you asked Mingyu, he’d say they should have skipped the pining and dating around and gone straight to the bliss of a committed relationship, but of course the idiots had thought they knew better. Overall, the world would be so much nicer if everyone just listened to Mingyu.)
Well, witnessing Hansol's sudden stream of horny consciousness was… a little gross, yes, but also quite enlightening.
Wonwoo was clearly finding the whole thing hilarious, shaking quietly at his side. Seungcheol looked just about ready to burst, face torn between amused and terrified.
And Hansol just wouldn’t stop.
[Seventeen Hansollie]
[10:06 PM] my pretty princess
[10:07 PM] cant wait to get myy hands on yuo again
[10:07 PM] and maybe
[10:07 PM] you shoudl call me hyung this time ;)
—and that was when Seungcheol finally cleared his throat.
“Wrong chat, Hansollie.” Traitor.
Startled, Hansol blinked up at him, then back down at the screen, the dawning horror increasingly apparent on his face.
“Oh. Oh shit.”
Jeonghan
“A little birdie told me you had a spat with Mingyu.”
Seungkwan is on his phone, half-sitting against his pillow mountain, and Jeonghan’s voice only makes him lift his eyes from the screen for a second.
“I'm not going to apologise.”
“Oh, I didn't expect you to,” he agrees, sitting down at the foot of the bed. “That’s not what princesses do.”
Seungkwan’s chest puffs up in indignation (as intended), but he doesn't start yelling and sighs instead. Huh.
“Listen, hyung, if you're all just going to make fun of me, I think you could at least do it when I'm not around.” He sounds… hurt, kind of. “I can even help with that.”
And he actually swings his feet over the side of the bed and grabs his jeans off the dresser.
Oh hell no, yikes, abort mission.
This has gone too far. Maybe the others haven't been as subtle as Jeonghan thought. Idiots. And of course dealing with the consequences is now his business.
“Oh come on now, Seungkwannie, don’t go,” he coaxes, wrapping his arms around Seungkwan’s torso to keep him in place. “I guess that's enough. I'll tell you what’s up. Remember that Saturday when you were in Busan and the hip-hop team went drinking? And you were maybe also texting Hansollie?”
Blood rushes to Seungkwan’s face. Yeah, he remembers that Saturday alright.
“What does that… What,” he sputters. “Why.”
Jeonghan snickers as he lets go, the kid no longer a flight risk. The distance will also allow him the pleasure of watching whatever expressions Seungkwan’s face will inevitably go through, but that’s neither here nor there. “Well, those messages Hansollie sent you… He may or may not have sent them to their group chat first. Poor baby, Cheollie said he was really drunk.”
Seungkwan does not disappoint. Jeonghan feels bad for them both, he really does, but the issue ultimately being inconsequential makes him relish the look of absolute mortification on Seungkwan’s face.
“Oh no. Oh god,” he starts, and just keeps going. “Oh fuck. I’m going to die. We’re going to die. I’m going to kill him and then die.”
Ah, how sweet and gentle the youth are these days.
Or so one could assume.
But Jeonghan knows the truth, and it might just come in handy to calm down this panicking dongsaeng.
“Not gonna lie, I didn't expect him to have a hyung kink. Is it a power thing? Is it because he was smaller than you as a baby?” (He decides to shelve the husband talk for another time.)
Seungkwan blinks at him. Takes a deep breath.
“How about we take a break from saying words for a minute before I strangle you.”
Ah, there he is. All will be well. Back to banter.
“Well, I didn't get a break after that time we—”
“Engaged in public foreplay with your pervert boyfriend during a V-live? Yeah, I wonder why.”
“Don't call Cheollie that. That's disrespectful—”
“Oh I'm sure he's heard worse—”
“...to real perverts like me.”
“Why are you like this and can you leave.”
Well, at least Seungkwan’s got some closure. Good job, Yoon Jeonghan.
Poor Hansollie, though.
[Boo Seungkwan]
[9:56 PM] chwe hansol
[Hansollie 🤍]
[9:56 PM] …i'm scared
[9:56 PM] yes baby?
[Boo Seungkwan]
[9:57 PM] you are banned from drunk sexting me ever again
[9:57 PM] only calls allowed
[9:57 PM] only if you're alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Hansollie 🤍]
[9:57 PM] ?????
[9:57 PM] what brought this on
[Boo Seungkwan]
[9:57 PM] jeonghannie-hyung just told me what happened last week
[9:57 PM] well the week before that i guess
[9:58 PM] your members being weird
[9:58 PM] when you went out for drinks
[Hansollie 🤍]
[9:58 PM] ????????
[9:58 PM] what does that have to do with us sexting
[Boo Seungkwan]
[9:59 PM] everything
[9:59 PM] every single filthy thing you sent me
[9:59 PM] you sent to the hhu group chat
[9:59 PM] and then deleted i guess
[10:00 PM] no fucking wonder wonwoo hyungie whistled at me
[10:00 PM] this is so embarrassing
[10:00 PM] fuck and now kim mingyu knows what i like in bed this is the worst
[10:00 PM] i can only guess what he imagined of that phone call ew
[10:01 PM] hyung said you probably don't remember and i sure hope you don't because otherwise i will bite your dick off for not telling me
[Boo Seungkwan]
[10:06 PM] .....???
[10:06 PM] anything to say for yourself
[Hansollie 🤍]
[10:07 PM] no i'm gonna go jump off a cliff actually
🌸 Bottoms (and Wonwoo) Unite 🌸
[17 Seungkwannie]
[8:46 PM] [photo]
[8:46 PM] a bit empty without you ㅎ
[8:46 PM] you should come and help
[17 Hoshi]
[8:48 PM] holy shit
[8:48 PM] how did this fit
[8:48 PM] ummm how can i help though
[17 Yoon Jeonghan]
[8:49 PM] ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
[17 Wonwoo]
[8:50 PM] 👍
[8:50 PM] i might need a link to the dildo
[Joshua Hong]
[8:52 PM] seungkwannie baby
[8:52 PM] are you sure you meant to send this here
[17 Yoon Jeonghan]
[8:53 PM] seungkwannie’s butt summoned joshuji ㅋㅋ incredible
[17 Seungkwannie]
[8:54 PM] fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkk
[8:54 PM] i'm never gonna live this down am i
[17 Yoon Jeonghan]
[8:56 PM] language ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
[8:56 PM] and you're right
[8:56 PM] also was that my lube in the corner
[8:56 PM] boo seungkwan
[17 Seungkwannie]
[8:57 PM] bye