Chapter 1: I've Heard All The Bad News, and Bad Reviews
Chapter Text
Thanos.
The name that was so clearly plastered on his email— the job position that he had been hand plucked for, at least that’s what the managers said.
“Your work is beautiful. We’ve been following it for ages, we would be honored to have you as a part of the Thanos team.”
Nam-gyu couldn’t help but roll his eyes, the suck up wasn’t necessary. He was an independent photographer with the portfolio of a lowly college student, he would take any opportunity given to him. But this one was especially eye-catching, a break from the indie bands he’d follow for months on end. Something new, exciting.
Someone famous. The legend, he called himself. A rapper born in Seoul that clawed his way from a soundcloud nobody to someone who sold out world tours— his first, to be exact.
Thanos was a hot shot in Korea, made waves through the crowd of solo idols and groups, stood out in his energy of not giving a fuck and being true to himself. That’s what captivated people the most, his ability to be the person that you couldn’t turn away from. Whether it was his attitude, his fashion, or his bright purple hair— you’d know it was Thanos.
And with the release of his new album, his career skyrocketed. Made its way internationally, stole the hearts of people worldwide. Every country began to demand him .
Nam-gyu wasn’t a fan per se, his style of music didn’t exactly align with his usual playlist, but he knew of him. Scrolled past his videos a handful of times, drove past his advertisements, and truthfully.. Watched a few of his music videos just to see how pretty he was.
So yeah, this opportunity was a no brainer. A win all around— exposure, real good money, and a chance to see a hot man everyday.
Things moved quickly from the time he accepted the job offer, following the rules simply. He was to take a day to come into the office and sign all the necessary papers, and then sit home and wait idly until it was time to load up with the crew.
It was like a blink of an eye before a tired Nam-gyu was standing in front of a large bus at the crack of dawn. The sun was barely beginning to rise, the crisp morning breeze causing Nam-gyu to shiver. He was sporting his usual look— a large oversized hoodie, and some ripped jeans and his favorite fucked up shoes.
He wasn’t much of a morning person, really, so this was new to him. But the buzz of seeing his new home for the next 6 months brought some life to him, a hint of a smile on his lips as he watched workers load up an array of bags.
This wasn’t the talent’s bus, that was one much larger and quite a bit nicer. But it was still one of the more luxurious buses Nam-gyu’s been on, so he had no complaints. His bunk was on the top, a small bed with your average pillow and blankets that he quickly replaced with own.
It was cozy enough, Nam-gyu staring at his bunk proudly as he smoothed out the wrinkles in his comforter. Fluffed his pillows, decorated the small bed with a mini stuffed animal, all the finishing touches to make it all the more familiar.
“Looks good,” A deeper voice peeked through, Nam-gyu glancing to meet the eyes of the familiar manager he’d met a handful of times, “Comfy enough?” Nam-gyu gave a sheepish nod, trick question. Of course it was enough, it had to be. This was the opportunity of a lifetime. There was no way he was in the space to complain.
“Yeah,” He smiled brightly, “Definitely! Made it my own, see?”
The enthusiasm earned a laugh, a hard hand landing on his shoulder in a motivating pat, “You’ve got a good attitude. Don’t worry, once we start traveling overseas, you’ll be cramped in a plane seat instead.”
Another harsh pat was left on his shoulder, Nam-gyu softly chuckling at the words before nodding, “You won’t catch me complaining, don’t worry.”
“Good. Get some sleep, it should only take us a good few hours. I want good shots of soundcheck and wardrobe as well. Need you to be ready and sharp, okay?”
Nam-gyu smiled and agreed happily, watching the man stroll away before hopping into his bed. Perhaps he was a bit too buzzed to sleep, looking up at the top of his bunk excitedly, containing small giggles as he pulled his blankets up.
But the faster he dozed off, the faster night would come. In no time he’d be surrounded by lights, feeling the bass of the music in his heart, and standing in the front row waiting to capture the best photos possible. This was his reality, his chance, fuck. Yeah . Sleep time.
-
“Let’s go, people!”
It was a bit more… Chaotic than Nam-gyu expected. He had been set up for quite a while, walking around and taking photos of the stage being built. Cute candids of the staff— small things to occupy himself as he waited on the talent.
Had waited quite a while, too. Long enough for the staff to look frazzled, frustrated, aggressively whispering to one another as time went on. Soundcheck was supposed to start about thirty minutes ago, every second putting them more and more behind schedule.
“Where the fuck is he?” The voice was angry, the same man who approached him earlier typing on his phone like there was no tomorrow, “First day on tour and he’s already pulling this shit.”
This wasn’t shocking, not in the slightest. The idea that Thanos was your typical hotshot with an ego was right on the money. Truthfully, it fit him very well. Made him laugh to himself as he checked out the settings on his camera, a small chuckle as the yells got louder.
“What’s so funny?”
That voice was familiar, the deep tone and natural rasp had Nam-gyu frozen in place.
“Come on, man. I like a good laugh. What’s so funny?”
Holy shit. Yeah. He was beautiful in person. Bare faced, snapback covering most of his hair as a few purple strands peeked through. He looked tired, as if he was the one crammed into a small bunk. But the bags suited him, like they belonged on those sunken in parts of his face. Looked overworked and strung out, something so beautiful about it.
“Lame. Times up,” he yawned softly, stretching out his long arms before reaching to fumble a small blue vape out of his pocket, “Fancy camera. New photographer?”
Nam-gyu glanced down at the equipment in his hand, a proud smile on his face as he looked over his old reliable. He’s had it for quite a while, it has gone with him everywhere. Money has never come to him easily, so the idea of a replacement was never an option. But even as time went on and the opportunity arose, he could never find himself getting rid of it. It shone of Nam-guy’s personality— pretty rundown, but decorated just enough to make it look presentable.
“Wouldn’t call it fancy,” Nam-gyu mumbled, bringing the camera up to catch a good candid of the rapper, “But it gets the job done.” The flash made Thanos blink quickly, squeezing his eyes closed as he sharply inhaled, “Aish, a warning!”
“That’s the whole point of a candid..” The rapper rubbed at his eyes before huffing, clear annoyance lacing through his knit together eyebrows, “Whatever man, hey..”
He walked closer, a little intimating in his stance as he looked down at Nam-gyu, “Make me look cool, got it? I want these photos to scream… look at me, I’m better than you.”
Nam-gyu bit back a laugh at the request, raising an eyebrow before giving a simple nod, “You got it boss. I’ll make you look as cool as I can.”
The answer was simple, and a little sarcastic, but the man didn’t seem to pick up the attitude. Too happy with the small agreement, picking up his hat to run a hand through the colored hair and letting it fall back onto his messy nest, “Perfect. I’m serious. We’re not paying you for mediocre shit, got it?”
There wasn’t a chance to reply, Thanos fully intended for himself to get the last words. Didn’t even glance at Nam-gyu before walking away, letting his manager follow him as he spit harsh words in his direction. It was like Nam-gyu could physically see them fall off his back, a little jealous of how carefree the man held himself.
It was like he had no worries in this world, the realization that at the end of the day, everyone was there for him. Working for him. He could be as late as he wanted, because nobody could start without him. It was intriguing, Nam-gyu was not able to tear his eyes away from the man, observing the way his painted nails flicked towards the forehead of his manager.
“You worry too damn much, hyung” he grumbled, “I know what I’m doing. You know how many people I brought on the last tour, huh?”
The man’s hand was quickly swatted away, the vein ever so prominent as obvious anger festered deeper, “Your last tour was small run down venues that could hardly fit a handful of people. Don’t think that because you’re selling a bit better, you can act like this. Got it? Don’t disappoint me.”
Huh . That seemed to do something, the reaction that the older man was hoping for. A glimpse of something in Thanos’ eye, a small moment of that mask dropping. Maybe he was looking too much into it, but the single word made Thanos look small.
“I won't..."
Without another word, Thanos was off. The quick flash of something real was gone as he jumped on the stage— energetic and crazy, all for the audience of a few people. He shouted towards the empty seats, bouncing around as his lyrics flowed out of his mouth. It was mesmerizing, a true performer before his eyes.
Thanos shot him a small wink, the only thing that snapped him out of the spell and brought him back to his job. Get photos, stop gawking.
Nam-gyu attempted to focus, making his way up and pointing the camera towards the target. Thanos was a natural, his charisma only getting more obnoxious as the camera clicked. He knew what to do— posed correctly, but not in a way that looked too unnatural. Shot the camera a small look, attempting to seem caught off guard. Even threw Nam-gyu a bit of bone, dropping to his knees as he reached the peak of the song— his knees spread, his hands sliding up his neck as his head tilted back.
There was a silent reminder, be professional. Try not to think about the way Thanos looks like he’s basically orgasming on stage— and try not to let your knees buckle at the mere thought of the act. Nam-gyu’s skin grew hot, trying not to focus on the way he could feel the tips of his ears turning red. Kept his grip on the camera as he got some shots, ones he could tell would be a hit. He could see it now, the perfectly edited photos sitting pretty on Thanos’ profile. The best cover photo, the most eye-catching for the most clicks. And right there, in the corner or caption, would be his handle. Credit for Nam-gyu’s work. The photo that all of his fans would be going crazy over, all thanks to him.
The anticipation of it all drove him a little insane, zeroing in on the man in front of him. Thanos was the perfect model, it almost like he couldn’t get a bad photo of him. If this was how he acted during rehearsal, he couldn't imagine how the concert would be.
“Nam-gyu, right?” He turned quickly, lowering the camera as he met eyes with an unfamiliar man, “Don’t forget to get a few shots of the DJ. I know you wanna be front and center and catch the action but, they didn’t hire you just to gawk at Thanos.”
His voice was playful, a friendly hand squeezed his shoulder before patting it. It was hard to ignore the embarrassment sprawled on his face, his words catching in throat before a dismissive hand was waved towards him, “I’m kidding. You’re gonna have to learn to not take shit so seriously, especially with him around.”
As authoritative as his words were, there wasn’t an ounce of demand in his tone. His features were sharp– but his eyes were soft, comforting, inviting. Longer black hair decorated the sides of his face, bangs shaping around his perfectly trimmed eyebrows. He was obviously a younger man, probably younger than Nam-gyu, a lanyard adorning his chest. Definitely too young to be a higher up manger, his eyes searching over the pass to see a hint of his title. The younger man wasn’t much help, practically bouncing around in one spot.
“I gotcha, more DJ pics." Thank you….” His voice trailed off, glancing at the man for some help, motioning towards him, “Oh! Sorry. My name’s Seo Sung-ho, but everyone here just calls me Sung.”
Nam-gyu held his hand out for a shake, Sung returning the gesture with a small bow added in, “I’m in charge of all things social media. I make things look pretty, and make sure Thanos doesn’t look like a complete asshole online.”
Ah . Explains the youth, probably the youngest person here. They needed to drag someone in to keep Thanos on top of the trends, make sure his image fits into what people want, “We do want a lot of shots of Thanos, of course. Main attraction. But I want a lot of these photos to be posted in a photo dump style, so any candids of the DJs and such would be perfect for those. Understand?”
Despite the age, the man knew what he was doing. Nam-gyu gave another small nod as he fiddled with his camera, “You always boss around your elders?”
Sung let out a laugh, offering another small bow in apology, “Only when it’s my job to do so, but I promise I’m a pretty lenient boss.. I’m like– the manager everyone trusts, you know?” Nam-gyu let out a chuckle, shaking his head as he pushed his hair back, “You talk real highly of yourself, Sung-ho.”
“Sung! Come on, none of the formalities!”
The two men laughed as Sung gave him a soft shove, “I like you. You’re funny. I hope we keep you around.” Before Nam-gyu could turn to clarify what he meant, the younger man was strolling away, finding a new group to talk in. Huh. Keep him around? Was the intention for Nam-gyu not to last that long, chicken out? His eyes wandered back to the man on stage, mindlessly scrolling on his phone while the techs fiddled with his microphone.
Surely Thanos wasn’t that bad to work with, if that’s what they were alluding to. Sure, he was a little sarcastic in their first interaction, and not respecting the time of others wasn’t the greenest of flags but… He seemed nice enough, maybe.
Thanos paid no mind to the people walking around him on stage, plopping to the floor as he sat crisscrossed. His videos played loudly, giggling loudly to himself as he poked a random staff member to show him whatever was playing on his phone. The response was minor, a forced chuckle sent his way before turning the attention back to whatever he was working on. But that didn’t bother Thanos, a satisfied smile on his face as he continued to scroll.
There was something so… Childish, about him— a teenager trapped in an older man’s body. Nam-gyu couldn’t help but watch his mannerisms, constantly turning to the side to show another random person a photo or funny video, as if he was seeking some sort of validation for the things he liked. The childish attitude made sense with how much he cowered in the presence of authority, putting on a tough face until a certain word was thrown around– disappointed . The mere idea of not being up to standard snapped him right out of it.
Thanos’ eyes shot up, meeting Nam-gyu’s in a way that startled him. He hadn’t expected to get caught in his long stare, quickly averting his attention back to the camera. Pulled up the photos in hopes of looking more convincing, clicking through them as he did his best to seem casual.
A shiver ran down his spine, his body alarming that those pair of eyes were still staring at him. Nam-gyu gulped to himself as he peeked up, meeting the gaze that refused to move. Thanos’ eyes were sharp, pupils wild and uninviting. They were screaming to challenge Thanos, and Nam-gyu couldn’t help but let out a small sigh.
But— maybe this was the chance to prove himself, the chance to prove that he was the perfect man for longevity. Yeah, Thanos was intimidating. His gaze was enough to make your blood run cold, and it was impossible to read what he was trying to tell you. Nam-gyu couldn't let this detour him, raising an eyebrow as he challenged Thanos right back.
Thanos looked a bit shocked, his head cocking to the side as his eyes narrowed. The look ran deep through Nam-gyu’s nerves, his breath hitching at the realization that the entirety of his attention was on him. Kept his cool through it all, sending Thanos a small nod of acknowledgement. Yeah. I see you. I don’t care.
The sudden change shocked Nam-gyu, Thanos smiling widely as he held up a peace sign. His eyes squeezed closed as his cheeks squished– he was posing for him. Ridiculously, at that. Nam-gyu couldn’t help but laugh, smiling at how ridiculous the man looked. But he entertained it, holding up the camera as he got a few shots. Thanos changed for every one; two peace signs, one hand poking his cheek, two hands cradling his face. It was all so… Idol of him.
“You get 'em all?” He shouted, standing up as he smoothed out his clothes, “Tell me you got ‘em!”
Nam-gyu sent him a thumbs up as he let his camera fall to rest against his chest, laughing to himself as Thanos turned around, “Alright, we done here? I think I’ve given you guys enough of my time, gotta save some of this energy for the show.” His manager sent him a hesitant wave, rolling his eyes as he began to walk away.
“You wanna cut rehearsal short, then you better be on your A-game tonight, Su-bong!”
Su-bong, huh. The words went in through one ear and out the other, Thanos jumping down as he walked past Nam-gyu. Sent him a small glance, even a small smile if Nam-gyu wanted to be delusional about it. Made sure to blow the staff a mocking kiss as he made his way towards his dressing room. Yeah, he’s a fucking diva , but Nam-gyu was going to see this through.
-
Bring your A- game was an understatement. Thanos was on fire. Jumped around that stage like gravity had no meaning to him– his stage presence was intoxicating. Worked the crowd like he was born for this, crafted perfectly to be a star. The fans were eating it up, screaming his name and reaching out past the barricade in hopes of touching his hand.
Nam-gyu kept up with him smoothly, running around the front of the barricade to grab shots of him performing. Sung’s voice played through his head, don’t just focus on Thanos. But how could he look away? HIs mere presence demanded to be acknowledged, needed to be seen. Every movement, every lyric, every stride across the stage was enough to keep you in a trance– Nam-gyu was no exception to his charm.
But, he had a job to do, and a reputation to upkeep. Nam-gyu snuck his way towards the side stage, kneeling down to catch shots of the DJ. Wasn’t as entertaining as Thanos, not as much charisma, but the photos should look cool enough.
“Enjoying the show?”
Nam-gyu was surprised he could hear the muffled sound of Sung’s voice, turning to lean in so he could hear clearer, “What?”
Sung chuckled, smiling widely as he pointed towards Thanos, “He puts on a good show, doesn’t he?” Their gazes followed the same pattern, turning towards the purple haired man as he took a long swig of his water, “He’s really talented. I’ve been with him for a couple years now, and had never heard of him before. Not my taste in music really but, there’s something about him. Has this charm that lures you in, safe to say he made it to my playlist pretty quick.”
“With him? Are you guys dating?”
The question was met with immediate laughter, Sung waving a dismissive hand as he shook his head, “No! No, that’s how long I’ve been working with him. God, Thanos dating someone? That’s not possible, he’s too much of a flirt.”
It made sense. A hot upcoming rapper, it was only natural that people would practically throw themselves towards him. He definitely seemed like a hook up type, endless one night stands, just because he can.
“He’s good in bed though.”
Nam-gyu barely had time to glance over towards the man, chuckling in surprise at the comment before realizing he was missing the perfect shots. Thanos had managed to push past security and make his way towards the barricade, a hand raising in the air as the fans explored his body in any way they could.
With a silent curse, Nam-gyu rushed over to jump off the side of the stage, aiming to get the perfect shot of Thanos– his head tipped back, microphone pressed against his lips as hands gripped at his shirt and did their best to hike the material up. Thanos wasn’t phased, didn’t attempt to stop the exposure, instead fed into it. One hand snaked down to yank up the piece of clothing, revealing a very fit body underneath.
The screams made Nam-gyu’s ears ring, his face reddening as he snapped a few photos. Thanos’ body was…. Perfect . In much better shape than you’d expect, a sharply sculpted chest slightly covered up, but not the abs that adorned his abdomen. Those were on perfect display– desperate hands touching over them, painted nails dragging over the skin before he pulled away to hop back on the stage.
He drove the crowd crazy. Gave them a small taste of what they wanted, but made sure to pull away and leave a bit up to imagination. Fuck, it kinda drove Nam-gyu crazy. The image of his unapologetically displayed body burning into his retinas, his fingers itching to go through his gallery to take another peak. But there was no time– no time to think or breathe when it came to Thanos, leaving Nam-gyu to wonder how overwhelming this man could be in other situations.
Christ, he was perverted.
The rest of the show went as expected, Nam-gyu becoming more restless as time went on. But he had a job to do, photos to post, people to please. So he kept it together the best he could, keeping his camera focused on Thanos any chance he could.
He made this whole gig real easy. The man was very photogenic, even the most candid photo came out beautiful, as if he was always posing. Always ready. It’s like he was born for this, his body fully aware that Nam-gyu’s camera was ready to shutter at any moment— Nam-gyu didn’t know if he should be jealous or drool. Maybe both. Definitely both.
The finale was crazy— bright lights, the bass pumping deep in Nam-gyu’s chest, the screams louder as Thanos reached the end of the setlist. He left with a bang, making sure to drag out the last few notes before dispappearing. Only to jump back on that stage for an encore he totally didn’t have planned. But everyone ate it up, including Nam-gyu.
Took another mental nudge to drag his feet towards the front once again, taking pictures as the man bowed and waved at the crowd. Blew a few kisses, jumping down to grab a few gifts and sign a few posters. Security did their best to usher him away, but it was evident that Thanos was too deep in drowning in the compliments to care.
Sent the bigger men a few stares every once in a while, shoving against them as he reached for another sharpie ushered his way. It was like this until security was forced to yank Thanos away, the man laughing loudly as he was shoved towards the stage. He gave the crowd a final bow, smiling broadly as he jumped.
All of his mannerisms were so confusing— one minute a tough outer shell hardened him, making his stare icy and intimidating, but the next he was somehow the sweetest man you could lay eyes on. His duality was stunning, Nam-gyu watching closely as those bright eyes turned to a cold glare towards the men shoving him backstage.
Nam-gyu assumed that his camera wasn’t invited towards the back after the show, allowing himself some time to explore the emptying venue before making his way towards his small set up. He took his equipment apart and laid them in their case nicely, closing up and pulling the strap over his shoulder. The hotel wasn’t far from here, a small walk would be nice anyways. As he made his way towards the exit, his eyes trailed towards a certain door, his eyes reading over the taped paper and groaned.
Thanos’ dressing room.
He had no real reason to knock on that door, interrupting as he’s surely unwinding after an intense show. But somehow, that didn’t stop his feet from inching towards the door. It didn’t hurt to talk to him, right? They had to work together, after all. There was no harm in getting to know the man he’s working for, plus , he could get real feedback on all the pictures he took. Yeah. It all made sense when you really think about it. His fist raised as it hesitated, lingering in the air as it contemplated plunging forward.
“Ohh..”
Nam-gyu froze, his hand stuck in the air as the unfamiliar squeak of a woman’s voice slipped under the door. The sounds that started to get louder were unmistakable, Nam-gyu’s eyes widening as his feet refused to move.
“You like that, huh?”
Nam-gyu gulped, recognizing the deep voice that was ringing through his ears, panic seeping through his bones as his mind screamed at him to move. Still, his brain was useless, putting no pressure on his limbs to just keep fucking walking.
“You’re such a pretty fucking mess. Take me so good, baby. Gonna make me come? ”
There was hardly enough self restraint in the man’s body to hold back the grumble stuck in his throat, his teeth harshly landing on his tongue as his hand lowered. The sound of a loud, feminine moan was enough to push him away, grimacing as he pushed his way out of the double doors.
As cool as the air was on his skin, it still wasn’t enough to calm the heat in his body. His skin was on fire, the words bouncing in his brain as he made his way towards the hotel. Fuck, he was exhausted. A long traveling day and put straight to work, only to be met with whatever the fuck that was, he’s tired. Surely, his bed would be enough of a distraction from the lewd thoughts in his head, his legs already tired as he entered the hotel lobby. Relief hit him as soon as the sounds of a semi-busy lobby crowded his racing brain, sighing as he waited in front of the elevator.
The hotel room was nothing crazy, but it was definitely better than the small bunk he had slept in through the drive. There wasn’t much time to explore or plan a day to walk around the city, the bus due to leave early the next morning. Time was harsh, not much of a slot for him to get a good night’s rest, but at least the few hours spent relaxing would be in a bed with a real mattress and pillow.
Nam-gyu pulled his bag off his chest, laying it on the bed before plopping beside it. His body relaxed as soon as it hit the soft duvet, his eyes already heavy as his face nuzzled against the down material below him. There was so much he still had to do. He needed to sort through the photos, pick the best ones, edit them, and schedule them to post tomorrow. Granted, this could all happen on the bus— but Nam-gyu wanted to be impressive. An overachiever, able to send over the photos before Sung-ho can finish asking for them.
A tired sigh left his lips, pushing himself up as he yanked his bag towards him, opening it up to pull his camera out. Thankfully, past Nam-gyu was smart, leaving his laptop out and charging to make things a little easier for himself when he got back. Must have anticipated how tired he was going to be, his eyes flickering towards the bright red 1:24 am on the clock.
This must be the new normal, something he’d have to get used to. The show ended around 12, but getting the hell out of there and walking back to the hotel sucked up most of the time. But it was fine, no complaints, he was a bit of a night owl anyway.
His eyelids attempted to blink away the heaviness, reaching for his adapter as he pushed his SD card into it, transferring over the files. His fingers drummed mindlessly on the blankets as he watched the completion bar, humming to himself before a new file popped up with the collection.
It was a simple routine, start from the first photo and change the names of the ones he planned to keep. It was a slow process, but it was effective enough to keep Nam-gyu’s brain busy enough to forget he was ever tired. It was hard choosing favorites– they were all fucking gorgeous, any of these would look perfect on Thanos’ feed.
His finger hovered over the mouse as he skipped past a few that looked too similar, clicking on the first that differed, his hand freezing as his eyes inspected it. Thanos was gripping tightly onto the mic, his jaw clenching as a large vein bulged from the side of neck. His forehead was soaked , stray hairs sticking to it as a bead of sweat perfectly rolled down his face. His hand was reaching under his shirt, hiking it up as his eyes squeezed closed.
Nam-gyu’s mind went a bit fuzzy, his hand slowly moving off the mouse, his throat dry as he attempted to gulp. His tongue ran over his bottom lip as his eyes focused on the large hand that was outlined perfectly under the material, the veins in his arms just as prominent. This was a keeper, for sure– if Nam-gyu could tear away from his screen to rename it.
But he was frozen, practically drooling as he inspected every small detail. His lip curled up just enough to show off a sharp canine, the cocky half smile driving Nam-gyu fucking insane. His heartbeat was loud in his eardrums, the only thing drowning it out was the repetition of the words he heard bouncing off the walls of Thanos’ dressing room.
“Fuck, you feel so fucking good. So fucking wet for me, huh?
Nam-gyu audibly mewled, his head dropping as the rest of the filthy words he heard Thanos gasp out hit him like a truck. It was humiliating, the way his cock was immediately hardened at the combination of Thanos’ loud mouth and the photo displayed on his laptop, “Fuck, you can’t be serious…”
A defeated sigh left his parted lips as his hips mindlessly rolled into the bed, hissing at the friction as his mind began to wander what it was like to feel all of Thanos. Be able to drag his tongue across his jugular, suck harshly on the plump vein that stuck out–and god, how beautifully the purple marks would match his hair. Nam-gyu sighed out shakily, rolling onto his back as he pulled the laptop near his head, making the photo full screen. It was pathetic, his fingers zooming in on the photo, making sure he could see the bead of sweat wetting his skin perfectly.
His pants were awfully uncomfortable, the tight tent begging for some relief. He quickly unzipped and rid himself of his jeans, wasting no time shoving his hand down his boxers. Nam-gyu made sure to keep his eyes on the screen, wrapping his fingers around his length as he gave himself a few slow strokes.
The sudden jolt of pleasure earned a small moan, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as his eyes followed the black stripe on Thanos’ neck. Fuck, he wanted to kiss it, follow it down and take those long fingers in his mouth. God, what was he doing?
His hand moved quickly, pushing the crisis to the side as his wrist flicked, squeezing perfectly at the base before his thumb ran over his damp tip. Pre-come beaded beautifully, Nam-gyu’s eyes squeezing shut as his mind painted a pretty picture of Thanos licking the mess dripping down his length. It was enough to make his shiver, the pad of his thumb pressing against his soaking tip, gasping out as Thanos stated how wet he was replayed in his brain.
“T-Thanos-” Nam-gyu whispered, hoping the walls weren’t too thin— fuck, who knows what’d he do if anyone heard him doing this, “God, so fucking good, Thanos..”
His chest rose and deflated quickly, shakily exhales getting caught up in moans and silent curses. Nam-gyu’s hand moved quicker, the pace desperate and needy to get off as he noticed how sharp Thanos’ eyebrows were. He must pluck them, keep them maintained— there wasn’t a single hair out of place, all slicked perfectly to frame his face. His beautiful fucking face. The face that was so easy to photograph, the face he kept seeing between his legs– oh, how pretty it would look painted with Nam-gyu’s load.
A loud moan ripped through him as the thought alone brought him closer to the edge, pumping himself like a hormonal virgin, being brought to his orgasm much quicker than he’s used to. It had been a while, he’d admit, but this was embarrassing. His hips began to buck, fucking into his balled up fist, his pre-come slickening him enough to make motion easy enough. The sounds were loud, the squelch of his wet fist enough to make his mind wander if Thanos had ever deepthroated anyone.
“Oh my god–”
His head tipped back, his back arching off the bed as his muscles tensed. His toes curled inside his shoes, his legs attempting to stretch as much as they could with his tight jeans hanging around his knees.
“Gonna cum. Fuck, Fuck Thanos– Gonna–” His voice was cut off by a whimper, his body trembling as hot ropes shot out of him, moans spiling out of him as he his load landed on his chest. He continued to fuck his fist through the aftershock, riding his orgasm as he contemplated pushing himself to another as he glanced over the image once again.
But his cock quickly softened, embarrassment flooding him as the realization of what the hell he just did dawned on him. Quickly, he scrambled to the bathroom to wash his hands and rid himself of his now dirty clothes. There was no time to wash them properly, Nam-gyu groaned as he ran his shirt under the sink, rubbing the material together with a small bit of hand soap.
The shirt was left to hang on the shower railing, Nam-gyu sulking as he landed back on the bed, his face dropping onto the pillow as he let out a soft whine. This was humiliating, he didn’t know what's come over him. It was only the first day, and Thanos has completely forced his way into Nam-gyu’s brain.
The ache in his muscles were dull, but present, realizing he must’ve been tensing a bit too much during it all. His hand reached over to turn off the lamp on the side of his bed, closing his laptop as he curled up under his blankets. As much as he needed to be productive, his mind demanded sleep after that sick scene. Being awake meant more time to dwell in the post-orgasm clarity and guilt that he just jerked off to his client. So, sleep it was. He’ll deal with editing the photos later, when he’s not fuzzy and drunk off the perverted thoughts in his brain.
Nam-gyu kept his eyes closed as he silently begged his brain to shut off and let him sleep, nuzzling into the blankets that covered up his balled up hands. A few minutes passed, his mind no more quieter, and his body still stubborn.
It was hopeless, Nam-gyu rolling to stare at the ceiling. Surely, this was just a one time thing. Months of being pent up, too busy to enjoy himself, and the feeling of a comfy bed after a long day. This was just a way to relieve the stress of a new job. All this will be nothing but a funny story in a few weeks.
What an exciting reality check. Night after night, Nam-gyu was going to collect more and more photos. His nights would be spent staring at the most beautiful man he’s ever set eyes on, and he’s getting fucking
paid
for it.
Fuck.
Nam-gyu’s breath hitched as he realized his spent cock was hardening once again, the idea of Thanos rushing and exciting him, fighting against the tiredness and winning. Frustrated, Nam-gyu ran his hands over his face.
There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.
God. He’s so fucked.
Chapter 2: He’s Good For My Heart, Bad For Business.
Notes:
Yaaaay an update :3 I have all
chapters up until the last one done! I have no real set update schedule but I was too excited for this one to hold off for much longer.. I’m writing this in bed, I’m tired, and I do desperately want some chicken nuggets… But my cat is sitting on my chest so I think I’m having a good enough time.. I hope u guys enjoy this one :3
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
TikTok: @stargzes
Twitter: @stardust1ng
Chapter Text
Traveling was exhausting. Endless hours on the road while cramped in a tiny bed didn’t do much for his body– aching, tense, and in desperate need of a day off. This wasn’t something he was new to, he’s been on countless smaller tours around the surrounding cities where he lived. But this was intense, cramping a lot more dates in a smaller amount of time then he was used to.
But there was a small light at the end of the tunnel. It was time to move internationally. No more bus rides, but hours spent on a plane would surely be more effective travel wise. Plus, the staff was a bit spoiled. They didn’t get the beauty of the private plane, but they were pushed to the front of the commercial flights, basking in the privilege of first class. It was nice. Roomy, small cubicles with seats that could be made into beds. Free meals and enough wine to put Nam-gyu to sleep. It was a lot more comfortable, and gave Nam-gyu a ton of time to sit and edit the photos he had taken the night before.
“Your work is phenomenal.” Sung-ho mumbled as he peered over his shoulder, a half empty cup of champagne in his hand, “Everyone seems to love it.”
Nam-gyu offered him a smile, his finger hovering over the mousepad of his laptop before saving his work, “Really? I’m glad, I’ve been putting my all into it, honestly.” A larger smile was sent back, Sung pulling out his phone as he scrolled through the instagram comments on the newest set of photos.
“People are going crazy over it. You just capture his performances so well. His emotions, his energy, all of it–” His mouth slowly closed as he realized how sporadically he was speaking, laughing a little as he lowered his phone, “I just think you were a perfect fit, that’s all.”
The praise was nice, it really did feel like Nam-gyu slid into the position well. He got along with a majority of the crew, and had no problems with the people he never really spoke to. There was nothing but positive feedback from the people he had to report to, and it seemed that Thanos was willing to share a few smiles every once in a while. Things felt perfect.
“So, are you enjoying everything?” Sung hummed, his head resting on the top of the seat, “A few shows in.. Got a routine down? Feel like you’re understanding things better?”
Nam-gyu gave a soft nod as he closed out his editing software, “I am. It’s a lot of fun, honestly. But it’s so tiring. How do you get used to this? God, I can’t imagine how my body is going to react to this new time difference.”
Sung hummed as he looked over the wallpaper on Nam-gyu’s laptop— a landscape he had taken himself, leaves brown and the sky tinged orange as the autumn breeze blurred the moving trees. It was beautiful, Sung smiling as he pointed, “Did you take this?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah. I think I took it a while ago, but I love it a lot. I’ve used it for every wallpaper, stuck with me through every laptop I’ve bought. It’s one of the first photos that I felt like I really showed my passion, you know? It felt like more than just a silly hobby of taking photos of things..”
Nam-gyu’s voice trailed off as he looked at the photo, a prideful tinge tugging at his heart, thinking about how much his life had changed since this photo was taken. It had been quite a rollercoaster, his life, that is. Starting from rockbottom, no hope in his future– to sitting here, in first class as he edited photos for a famous rapper's instagram. It was silly, to think that a few years ago Nam-gyu was seconds from giving up on his dream, himself. If he could go back to the broken man cowered on the ground, he’d cradle his face and tell him that everything was going to be okay.
He was a broken little thing– well, ‘was’ is a hard word to use. There’s still emotions and the lingering effects of the trauma in his life that had burrowed into Nam-gyu’s brain. But the idea that he was able to overcome those challenges, live through them, and still manage to find small amounts of success was motivating. Yeah, he had his moments. He’ll still find himself cracking under the pressure of the newfound standards he’s set, but at least he’s able to cope.
Not past Nam-gyu, no. Past Nam-gyu found comfort shoving any substance that could numb his sorrows into his body, hoping to drown the pain that never quite went away. Recovery wasn’t easy, it was painful and left him humiliated and weak. But, a necessary evil. Months spent getting clean, relapsing, begging for help, repeat. It never quite stuck, not until Nam-gyu realized that he was going to die a person known for his addiction, known for the recovery he would never succeed.
It was a painful motivator, the idea that his death would be surrounded with nothing more than a, ‘I’m not surprised. It was always going to end like this, wasn’t it?’
That’s not the lasting memory he wanted to leave behind, he was sick of it being the first thing everyone thought of when they heard his name. But not anymore, not now. Not when his name was being attached to beautiful things, art. A username handle tagged in various artists captions, his email address that managers sought out to obtain and contact him with– all so proudly branded with his name.
Perhaps that’s his fascination with Thanos, he can see past the little facade he seems to put on. A loud, excitable man with enough money to make all the mistakes he wants. He fits the celebrity life perfectly— outgoing, talented, and too broken and addicted to the feeling of being useful to ever pull away. It was his eyes, one that Nam-gyu can’t seem to capture perfectly. Thanos always seemed to turn away, squeeze his eyes closed, throw the camera a wink. Because if you observed deeper into those dark, blown out pupils, he looked sad.
Lonely, maybe. The realization that many people in his life were only there because they had to be. Nam-gyu never really saw the man hang out with anybody in his free time, nobody to explore the cities with. The only people that seemed to hang off his arm were women whispering how badly they wanted him, and dudes holding their phone up to blurb about how they were hanging out with the one and only.
Nam-gyu wondered what that would feel like– to be so popular, but be hit with the reality that none of the fondness ever really belonged to him.. To Subong.
“Nam-gyu.” Sung blinked, laughing softly as Nam-gyu whipped his head towards him, a silent apology brushing past his lips, “Get lost in your thoughts there?”
Nam-gyu gave a weak laugh as he nodded, closing his laptop and turned to give the man his full attention, “Yeah. I tend to do that a lot..” His legs stretched as he groaned, unbuckling his seatbelt and standing up, letting his arms spread out as he cracked his back. They still had a good handful of hours before they’d land, and he needed a small walk around the aisle before he went crazy.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Sung hummed, following him closely as he paced around the walkway. As nice as the first class area was, the area was tiny due to most of it being taken up by the seats and tables. A fair trade off, but it didn’t make moving around any easier. It especially wasn’t any easier with Sung hot on his trail, copying every move as he beamed happily.
“Just, things. Why?”
“I just wanna know. I’m bored. We have so much time left and my mind is going numb with the lack of socialization."
Nam-gyu sent a polite smile to the loop of people he continuously passed, sighing softly as he glanced behind him, “Don’t you have work to do, mr manager? I know your job is real important, surely there’s something you can drown yourself in.”
Sung gave a small pout, stopping in his tracks as he crossed his arms, “My job is important.”
“Isn’t that what I just said?”
“With the most amount of sarcasm I’ve heard in my life.”
Nam-gyu laughed before settling back down onto his seat, looking up at the man as he leaned back, “I think I’m going to take a nap. Are you done harassing me now?”
“Harassing you is crazy..” A soft grumble with a bit of annoyance evident only made Nam-gyu laugh a little harder, shaking his head as he pushed his table to the side. A thought ran across his mind as he began to fidget with his fingers, turning around the rings that decorated them, “Didn’t you say you and Thanos used to be a thing?”
“Huh?” Sung cocked his head to the side like a confused dog, his lip quirking up as his nose scrunched in concentration, “Did I? Oh! Wait. No. I never told you we were a thing, silly.. I said we slept together. It wasn’t much more than that. Whyyyy…?” His voice dragged at the end of the sentence, a bit of giddyness causing him to wave his hands and gasp, “Why? Do you like him? Did you sleep together?”
Nam-gyu shushed him as he shook his head, his eyes widening as he glanced around, “No! God, keep your voice down,” A soft huff escaped his lips as he pushed his hair back, “No. I just wanna know more about him, is all. I’m just curious, god, is that so bad?”
The sympathetic look that was sent his way was met with a scowl, Sung leaning in as he placed a supportive hand on the top of his head, “Nam-gyu. I’m saying this because I really feel like we could be friends, and the last thing I wanted you to do is take this the wrong way but… Don’t.”
Nam-gyu didn’t offer a response, just a confused glance as he motioned for him to continue.
“I love Thanos. Truly, I do. We have gotten a lot closer than I expected to when I started working for him, and sleeping with him was exciting, but-” He sighed, his cheek squishing against the headrest, “He’s not the kind of guy that you wanna get involved with, Nam-gyu. Not like that, at least. The sex is fun and adventurous, and he really just knows how to make you feel special and all but… He’s not a relationship guy, or a feelings guy, at that. He’s a celebrity, you know? He wants to have fun, make mistakes, nothing can tie him down.”
Nam-gyu wasn’t even insinuating he liked the man, but the words hurt nonetheless. A defeated pout on his lips as he gave a small shrug, “I never told you I liked him, or wanted to date him. I’ve never even talked to him, so you can save your lecture.”
“I’m serious, Nam-gyu. I get it, I do. I was in the same position, and I did get to know him. And I did fall for him. It did nothing but hurt me, and it’ll do nothing but hurt you. I see nothing wrong with being friendly with him, but don’t get too involved. Okay?”
The advice was genuine, so was the worried look in Sung’s eyes, Nam-gyu biting back his tongue and stopping himself from asking more details on this failed crush, “Like I said, I never said I liked him. It’s fine.” The sentence was weak, so was his voice, but it was evident that the conversation had to end there before Nam-gyu got frustrated.
So it did, Sung-ho giving a small nod before making his way back to his seat. Nam-gyu felt a tad guilty, he didn’t mean to snap at the man, but he wasn’t asking for anything more than some small talk on his relationship with Thanos. His words didn’t sit right with him– he’s not the kind of guy you wanna get involved with.
How could he say that about somebody he claims to be close with? Why? Did Thanos not deserve the grace of having friends, somebody he could talk to? Did nobody else in this circle see behind the mask he was putting up— was Nam-gyu fucking crazy? Maybe just a little. But there was such an instinct to reach out and protect this man, it seemed like nobody else was.
Problem for another day, he decided. His eyes closed as he leaned the chair back, pulling on the blanket that was folded perfectly for him. Nam-gyu just wanted to sleep through the rest of this flight and fight the strange obsession going on in his mind. He just hopes Thanos doesn’t invade his dreams too.
-
The routine was about the same every time. Nam-gyu would get to the hotel, unpack as much as he can, and quickly get dressed. He never had to wear anything fancy, his usual get up fit the rest of the crew perfectly. He wasn’t there to stick out, nor to make any heads turn. So a beat up band shirt and jeans always did the trick. He had to be comfy if he was meant to keep up with the bouncy Thanos.
Truthfully, this was Nam-gyu’s favorite part of the shoot. It was his excuse to get closer to the man, capture the moments as makeup artists cover up his already perfect skin. Capture the polite smile he gives them as they powder his nose, and capture the way his face scrunches up in discomfort as a sharp black pencil draws over his eyes. It was cute how delicate he was with his female staff, keeping his hands respectfully behind his back as he let them move him in any way they needed.
Thanos was always soft spoken, open to suggestions on how to make his eyes pop, and what small spots of glitter would fit the outfit they had planned. He looked human. It was nice. He looked comfortable and laid back, like his real personality was shining through, no reason for him to play up and act in the presence of this specific group.
Nam-gyu always stayed quiet, snapping the candid shots as they got Thanos ready for the show. It was a little annoying, truthfully, that Nam-gyu was so close to the man and had said nothing more than a few words. Thanos seemed to have no interest in presence, never saying much more than a hello to him. Did he even know his name?
Well, it wasn’t his job to know the staff's name, but a conversation would be nice. There were always attempts, Nam-gyu sending him praises and gratitude whenever he wrapped up– those efforts only ever met with a polite smile. It was humbling, to say the least. This man has plagued his thoughts for weeks on end, made his way into every conversation, and he’s never said more than a few greetings.
Nam-gyu was pathetic. A little smitten too– always smiling whenever Thanos was, always laughing at a joke that wasn’t meant for him, and always frowning in solidarity whenever something didn't go Thanos’ way. Was it possible to be in love with someone you’ve never spoken to? Surely staring at this man’s face for hours on end counted for something.
It was poetic in a way, falling for a man through the lens of his camera. Swooning over the stories he made in his head– yeah. Yeah he was crazy.
Things were a little more tense than usual. Thanos staring in the mirror over the clothes picked out for him, obviously holding in a harsh comment as he looked over himself. Usually, he’s jumping out of excitement, smiling widely as he fawns over the outfit. This one was a bit more put together than his usual taste, a matching set that fit his body tight. Thanos grimaced, only sighing when asked about his opinion on the look. The disappointment was obvious, his hands pulling at the fabric as he tried to loosen it, his shoulders slumping when it went right back to forming against his body.
“It looks so good, Subong. Come on,” One of the stylists hummed, gently holding onto his arm as she rubbed over it, “I know you don’t like it, okay? But they really wanted you to promote the brand, and they were nice enough to send us their nicest line… It’s just for the night, I promise.”
Her voice was quiet, her motions almost maternal as she gently grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. His body relaxed into her touch, letting out a groan as he tried to look back at the mirror. The efforts were met with another tug on his chin, a firm grip holding him there, “I know this isn’t your style, and I feel awful putting you in an outfit you don’t like. But there are sacrifices you have to make in this business, and unfortunately being flexible around promotions like this is one of them. Okay? I’m sorry. Can you give me a smile?” Thanos’ bottom lip poked out in a pout, his head tipping down in disappointment, “Yeah. I get it.”
“I saiiiid… Can you give me a smile?” Her voice became lighter, more childlike as she raised an eyebrow, pulling his face up a bit more. The motion dragged a small smile out of him, shaking his head as he gently moved her hands away, “There. Happy?”
Nam-gyu raised his camera quietly, zooming in on the two of them as he snapped a photo. Thanos’ head snapped over quickly, his eyebrows furrowing as he let out a soft scoff, “Did you just take my photo?”
Gulp.
“Yeah- well, it’s kind of.. My job.”
“Not here. Not now. Have you heard of time and place?” Thanos pulled away from the woman’s grip, walking towards Nam-gyu furiously. Nam-gyu let his camera drop to his chest as he stepped back, gasping in shock at how closely Thanos got to him. Their eyes were locked onto each other, Nam-gyu’s breath hitching as he furiously observed the eyes he so desperately wanted to see.
Thanos stood there, jaw tense and mouth ready to spit venom, “I’m serious. Don’t think for a second that I won’t have you replaced. You need to take a moment, step back, and realize where the fuck your place is. Because I promise it’s not in my dressing room. Understood?”
It was like watching a protective animal attack, Thanos fangs on display with claws ready to sink into his neck. The problem was obvious, Thanos usually had no complaints when Nam-gyu shot in his dressing room. It was the fact that was around to capture a vulnerable moment, and there was no way in hell Thanos was going to allow someone to publish the real side of him.
“Delete it.” He hissed, grabbing the camera that was pressed against Nam-gyu’s chest, “Delete it right now. Show me.”
Shaky hands retrieved the camera from Thanos’ grip, quickly deleting the photo and showing him the evidence, his mouth unable to form any words. Thanos stared at the camera as heavy breaths left him, his eyes softening as his head turned to the side, “Thank you. I’m serious. Don’t let me catch you like that again.”
A harsh hand landed on his shoulder, his grip tightening before pushing him away. Nam-gyu stumbled as he caught himself, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
“Namsu, right?”
“Namg-”
“Know your place.”
Thanos walked out without a second glance, leaving Nam-gyu to pick himself up and gather the nerve to glance at the stylist. Her look was sympathetic, giving him a small smile and bow of her head before going back to her station. Nam-gyu was embarrassed, his chest tight as he pushed his hair behind his ears. That was the most the two had spoken, and it was the worst conversation he could’ve imagined. The reaction wasn’t unjustified, Nam-gyu stepped over a personal boundary and captured a moment he wasn’t meant to.
He would have to find a way to make it up to him– but for now, his fingers were pressing to retrieve the photo from the recently deleted. His eyes danced over the beauty of it, the realest smile he’d caught from Thanos yet. His guard was down, his gaze comfortable and playful, beaming with pride as he looked at the older woman in front of him. This was a favorite photo he’s taken by far, smiling as his thumb brushed over the screen. Maybe it took a small scolding, but he was keeping it. His little secret.
-
It was obvious the tension never eased from Thanos’ attitude, his usual bright and charismatic attitude shifting to something sour on stage. His presence was no longer electrifying and inviting, it was tense and screamed anger. There was less audience interaction, Thanos getting through the setlist as he was supposed to with nothing more. The frustration only became more apparent throughout the night— mics not working properly, Thanos stumbling over his lyrics, forgetting his words.
It was hard to watch, more so it was hard to photograph. Thanos hardly glanced at him long enough to get a good shot, and wouldn’t give him anything to capture. Nam-gyu boiled it down to an off night, shooting what he could. They weren’t bad, per say, his anger was still beautiful. The furrowed brows, the tensed jaw, the stare that screamed frustration and hurt.
As it neared the end of the night, dread and guilt seemed to set in. Nam-gyu observed the way Thanos looked over the fans in front of him, letting his hand drop to his side as his microphone idly thumped against his leg. Those eyes. Those same eyes that had Nam-gyu obsessed, they were wet and ready to spill over.
“I look a little stupid tonight, don’t I?”
The crowd cheered loudly in response, Thanos letting out a small laugh as he let his head drop, “Not my usual get up. A little too business casual for my liking.” It was hard to miss the small crack in his voice, his eyes squeezing closed as he shook his head, “But hey, as long as you guys like it. You guys always think I look good, don’t you?”
More screams, enough to make Nam-gyu’s ears ring as he raised his camera again. Finally, some normal shots. Photos that didn’t radiate bitterness, but a sense of gratitude and familiarity as he peered into the crowd.
“Don’t you guys worry. I’ll make sure next tour, I’ll come back and I will blow your fucking minds, okay? But for now… Goodnight!”
He gave the crowd a bow, blowing a large kiss before walking off the stage, Nam-gyu following suit as he attempted to get some last minute pictures of him. Thanos’ seemingly new attitude dropped quickly, chucking the microphone to the side as he walked off. No words to any of the staff, no side comments, just him disappearing into his dressing room as he slammed the door behind him.
“Christ,” Nam-gyu whispered, quickly packing his things up as he looked around the staff, not bothering to hide the conversations they were having. The comments were all the same, calling Thanos every variation of ‘spoiled brat’ they could manage. A diva. Entitled. Already sick in the head.
The comments turned Nam-gyu’s stomach sour, scoffing slightly as he bit his tongue. Why did no one bother to see the bigger picture? That Thanos wouldn’t purposely fuck up a show, that he wouldn’t go out of his way to ruin the image he worked hard to achieve? The Thanos he saw day after day performed with pride, happy to bask in the validation and gratitude of his fans. Wasn’t it obvious something deeper was happening? Eating him alive until he had no choice but to retaliate? But there was no real way to express all that without seeming like an obsessed fanboy, so he let the anger slowly boil down with nowhere else to go.
Nam-gyu lingered until the crowd simmered down, seemingly the only ones left were the ones taking the stage apart. This was another secret habit of Nam-gyu’s, not one he was particularly proud of, nor one he even intended to take on. But somehow, after the last few weeks, he’s found himself hanging around and swinging by Thanos’ dressing room. Without fail, he always ‘accidentally’ stumbled across the man and whatever woman that had snaked her way back there with him.
It was sick, he could admit that. Eavesdropping on the man while he fucked another fan, using it as his own personal jerk off material when he finally forced himself away. Perverted, demented– but god, nothing got him off like the sound of Thanos’ voice.
Nothing else soothed the ache in his heart like the idea that Thanos was the one sliding his hands into his pants, whispering dirty things into his ear until he was a whimpering mess. The mere idea always drove him back to his hotel room, desperate to distract himself with the thought that Thanos would even glance in his direction.
As disgusting as it was, Nam-gyu found himself still moving towards that door, propping himself up as he leaned in. Small shuffles could be heard, no real noises beside movement. Surely the gap he gave Thanos was enough time for him to choose his favorite groupie and take them back– by now he would already be grunting and speaking filth into the open air.
But the room was silent. Just the sound of a glass being picked up and placed back down on the table, a small clear of a man’s throat heard before Thanos let out a shaky sigh.
“Stupid fucking show,” He heard the man whipser, sniffling as the glass set back down again. It dawned on Nam-gyu what he was hearing— there was no random woman in this man’s room, he was crying.
At least that’s what he suspected at the sounds of Thanos’ broken up whispers, his voice cracking as he seemed to finally let out a quiet sob. Nam-gyu froze, his hand pressed against the door as he took in everything he was hearing. The sounds were muffled by what he could assume was his hands, the sounds periodically getting louder as his sobs got more aggressive. Nam-gyu had to go. This was too personal, listening to the man’s broken cries as footsteps began to shuffle around the room once again.
Nam-gyu finally found it in him to push off the door, ready to find his way out of the venue before a loud crash stopped him in his tracks. They were no longer sobs, but loud screams as various thumps hit the walls of the room, Nam-gyu’s eyes widening as glass continued to crash. His hand immediately reached for the doorknob, stopping before he’s able to turn it.
What was he gonna do? Walk in and play hero? Shamefully explain that he was there to listen to him fuck a random girl, and instead heard the man having a mental breakdown? Another shout pushed the thoughts to the side, swearing to himself before rushing into the dressing room.
Thanos froze, his head whipping towards the door as a pile of glass laid below him. Nam-gyu observed the room; a broken vanity, broken cup, and a mirror that was once on the wall splattered across the floor. His hands were covered in small cuts, blood pouring around his fists as his chest rose and deflated quickly. Adrenaline must have been pumping through his body, not even flinching as he sent another punch towards the wall, “Fuck off!”
Nam-gyu realized he might have bit off more than he could chew, staring at the man before launching himself forward to grab onto the hand that was prepared to send another strike towards the wall. He tensed under his touch, a tongue running over his teeth as he yanked himself free.
“The fuck do you think you’re doing?! Are you crazy?!”
Yes. Fuck. For you.
“I was passing by, and I heard a loud crash and I just wanted to make sure you were okay–” Nam-gyu stepped back to give him some room, holding his hands out to signal to him that he meant no harm. He was desperate to show Thanos that somebody was there for him, somebody saw him, he didn’t have to be alone. Nam-gyu knew what rock bottom felt like, and if anyone would be happy to build the ladder and get Thanos out of there– it was him.
“Do I look okay, Namsu? Huh? Do I look like I’m doing okay?”
It seemed like a genuine question. Thanos’ eyes scanned over the other man’s desperately, trying to replicate that intimidating stare, but the only thing he could notice was how much those dark eyes sparkled when they were wet.
“No,” Nam-gyu spoke softly, stepping forward carefully, “No, Thanos. You don’t look okay. You look like shit.”
The words seem to take him aback, blinking confused as his eyebrows raised, opening his mouth to speak before he was abruptly cut off–
“You look tired. Overworked. You look like you’re at your wits end and something happened today that sent you over the edge. I don’t know if it was me, the outfit you were forced into, or something else that I obviously have no business knowing but.. Something did it, and it’s obvious that it’s fucking you up real bad. So no. You don’t look like you’re doing okay.”
Silence filled the room, a strange tension that neither of them could place their fingers on buzzing as the words really settled within Thanos. His hands dropped to his side in defeat, his head hanging as he tried to quiet the small cries leaving his lips. A tired body dragged itself to the couch, his limbs going limp as he fell back. Small sobs broke through the cushion as he gripped onto the material, digging his face deeper as the emotions took over.
Nam-gyu moved slowly, as if he was trying to avoid scaring a stray animal, kneeling down towards the head of the couch, “You can talk to me, if you need to. There’s no pressure. I’m not here to judge you or tell you what to do. I won’t even respond, you can just scream and shout and I’ll listen.”
Thanos sniffled against the couch before turning his head to peek at the man, the look on his face enough to break Nam-gyu’s heart. He looked lost, defeated, his stare begging for the man to give him the answers to everything that laid heavy on him today. Slowly, an arm pushed him up as he made room for Nam-gyu to sit beside him.
“You’re not gonna take my picture, are you?”
The comment was lighthearted enough, Thanos chuckling as his palm wiped the tears burning his cheek away. Nam-gyu smiled softly as he sat beside him, turning his body to make sure he knew he was fully immersed, ready to listen to every word.
“That would be kind of fucked up, wouldn’t it?” Nam-gyu hummed, cocking his head to the side before motioning towards the case resting by the door, “But if you’re actually worried about that, no. She’s packed away and out of reach, so whatever you wanna tell me is completely safe with me.”
“Good,” Thanos huffed, “Fuck. Am I really gonna sit here and cry to a man I don’t even know?”
“Better than crying to a man who could decide to drop you from his label at any moment.”
Thanos inhaled deeply, clutching his chest as he shook his head, “Jesus dude, you don’t have to be so real with me.” The small chuckle he gave made Nam-gyu’s heart flip, feeling a bit prideful that he was able to make Thanos laugh at this moment.
“What’s going on?”
“You don’t even know,” A deep sigh, “This shit is so hard. So fucking hard. And I think today it just hit me a lot harder than usual. I don’t think there was anything specific that did it, just a lot of small things fucking piling on me until I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Was it the outfit? I noticed it really upset you.
“It wasn’t the outfit itself man like.. I could make anything hot, really. I have no problem letting people play dress up, like I am a versatile dude. But the idea that I had to wear this thing that didn’t fit the concept of any of my shit, and I had no say in it? I had to just put it on and flaunt this brand so they’ll promote me in return? I’ve never heard of the clothing line! And you want me to go out and boast about it? Rap my music in it? Just feels so fucking superficial..”
“And you pride yourself on being authentic.”
Thanos’ fingers intertwined with the other, a tongue poking the inside of his cheeks as tears continued to trickle down his face, “Yeah. Took me a while to get ahead in this business because I just.. Refused. I wasn’t gonna be a company’s play thing. They either took me for the man I was, or I was just gonna find somebody else. And I did. I found someone who loved my music, my looks, my personality. Told me that they’d take what I have and make me a star…”
“And then when they had you, they instantly tried to change you.”
Their gazes met as Thanos’ looked over, his eyes widening as Nam-gyu hammered the nail head on. There was a hint of relief in his eyes, washing over him that somebody fully understood the message he was trying to convey.
“And they try to make it seem like I’m the problem! Like I’m ungrateful for this shit,” He stood up quickly, hands on his hips as he peered down at Nam-gyu,
“As if I’m not the one working my ass for this! I’m not some fucking diva because I have my own standards of how I want my work to be perceived! Why am I the bad guy for believing I have a say in how I wanna look? I just wanna be myself, I want people to love me for me!”
Bingo. The thing that Nam-gyu had been saying to himself all along. A man with a group of people around him constantly felt like the loneliest man in the universe. Nam-gyu stood up, walking towards the broken vanity and grabbing a hand towel. Thanos stopped speaking, watching him curiously, blinking rapidly as Nam-gyu approached him.
“I get what you mean,” He started, carefully grabbing and opening Thanos’ hand, “You have an image you built from scratch, one that has stuck with you through your career. It’s special, something that formed from your early rap days. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to keep that part of you, especially if you want to keep it as a solid base for the rest of your work.”
Delicately, Nam-gyu cleaned up the small beads of blood on his hand, wrapping the towel around his knuckles and tying it when the cut continued to bleed. He tied it tightly, giving it a small pat before looking up at him, “I know my opinion doesn't count for much, but I love your authenticity. It’s refreshing. You don’t see it a lot anymore? Everyone else just seems so forced, like every little thing they do is planned out for them. So you’re a breath of fresh air, if you wanna be mushy about it. Something real in the sea of perfectly planned choreo and comebacks.”
Thanos’ eyes were fixated on the smaller hand that rested atop the towel, blinking quickly as he attempted a response, his words immediately failing him. Nam-gyu couldn’t help but chuckle, a little giddy at the fact that he was finally able to tell Thanos all of this.
“You mean that?” He finally mumbled, not attempting to pull his hand away, “You’re not just trying to be nice and get me to shut up?”
“I’d never shut you up.”
It was like a scene out of a movie, the eye contact suddenly strong with the two of them refusing to look away. Thanos had no time to think of a response, his brain going fuzzy as he gazed deeply at how fucking sweet Nam-gyu looked. It almost scared him, how much his body was relaxing into his touch, a smile creeping on his lips as he nodded.
“Just keep this on until you get back to your hotel room. Then make sure to wash out the wound and keep it dry, okay?”
Thanos managed a nod, never tearing himself away from the stares, admiring how genuine this man was being. The two hardly knew each other, and not even a handful of hours ago he had the man cornered.
“I’m really sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, I really just need to learn to go about these things like an adult.”
“Don’t worry about it, you have every right to be mad. I stepped over a boundary and tried to take a picture of a moment that didn’t need to be saved. That was really fucked up of me, I just…” Nam-gyu hesitated, not wanting to fuck up the small bond the two had managed here, “I just thought your smile looked so genuine. I’ve gotten a lot of shots of you on stage, and they all look badass but.. I don’t know. I haven’t had the chance to capture you looking so happy.”
Thanos smiled wider, tugging harder on his heart, laughing softly as he ran a hand through his hair, “Soon-ja will do that. I love her a lot. She reminds me a lot of my mom,” Nam-gyu stayed quiet, hoping to urge Thanos to just keep talking, “I’ve worked with her for a while now. She’s always styled me. Don’t let her age fool you, that woman knows what kind of trends I love… She’s one of my rocks, you know? One of the only people to really love me and my work, even if it’s not her taste.”
The way Thanos’ eyes glimmered with pride as he spoke about Soon-ja was precious, “I shouldn’t have made you delete that photo. I didn’t even get to look at it but, I would’ve kept it.” God, things just keep falling perfectly into place. Like every opportunity was being placed personally on Nam-gyu’s lap, motioning for him to grab it by the horns and run with it.
“I can recover it, if you’d like. It was a really beautiful photo, I would really love for you to have it.”
It was like the cherry on top to fully lift Thanos’ mood, his eyes widening as he gripped tightly onto Nam-gyu’s shoulders, “What?! Really? Oh my god, I don’t deserve you. You are actually an angel.” The man yanked him forward, enveloping him in a tight hug. Nam-gyu’s breath hitched as Thanos’ face nuzzled against his neck, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him back just as tight. This didn’t feel real, to have Thanos so willingly close to him, being the one to initiate this all.
Nam-gyu’s hands rested on his back as he gave another squeeze, breathing out contently as he melted into the hug, “Of course. I hope I was able to help a little bit. I really do want you to know that I’m here for you, even if we don’t really know each other. I just don’t want you to think you’re alone, you never have to be alone.”
Thanos nuzzled himself deeper, pulling him closer as he hummed against him, “Thank you so much. Thank you for coming in here just… Thank you. It feels so nice to have someone who cares about me.” He pulled away slowly, patting Nam-gyu’s back before letting his hands drop, “You should get back to the hotel. If they see you in here, they might throw some blame on you too.”
“Okay,” Nam-gyu breathed out in disbelief, “Right. I’ll get going. But I’m serious! If you need anybody, you can talk to me. Seriously. You have my number, don’t be afraid to reach out. Okay?”
Thanos gave him a small nod before ushering him up, closing the door as Nam-gyu began his walk back to the hotel. This night was officially a success, one for the books for sure. Couldn’t help but smile like a child as he enjoyed his walk back, giggling to himself as he thought about the conversation he had with Sung. Yeah. Fuck all that. Thanos was definitely worth getting to know.
Chapter 3: You're Good At Giving Too Much, Then Getting Scared
Notes:
Chat can I be so honest?? I edited this on my phone so if anything looks fucked up and weird ignore it. I did write this on my laptop so if there are typos and grammatical errors that's just my brain, but we uh... We can blame that on the phone too. ANWAYSSS CHAPTER THREE WHO CHEERED GUYS WHO CHEERED? I don't know what happened when I wrote this chapter, I think I wrote this one in about a full day...? I remember J screaming at how much I was writing during our sprints.... But this is a solid 8k words of buildup, mild angst and some other evil things.. idk what else to put here. chicken says hi
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TikTok: @stargzes
Twitter: @stardust1ng
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Nam-gyu wished it had a fairy tale ending after that. It seemed like a new chapter, the beginning of, at the very fucking least, a friendship. But no. The second he walked out of the dressing room, he went right back to someone Thanos didn’t really speak to.
It’s not that Nam-gyu didn’t try, the conversation had given him a new source of confidence to just walk up to the man and start speaking. It didn’t earn much of a response, just the usual polite smile and nod of his head before walking away.
Humbling. Humiliating.
Was Nam-gyu delusional? Did the moment they had together truly mean nothing? It’s not like he expected the man to drop to his knees and confess his love for him, but acting like he was nothing more than a spec of dust would be nice. Nam-gyu made it known that Thanos could come to him for whatever, were the words not inviting enough? Did he just make a fool of himself while pushing past his fears for nothing? Was he nothing?
Who knows. Fuck. The more Nam-gyu thought about it, the more it made him sick to his stomach. It truly felt like his only chance to get through to him, and he was practically shot down. It didn't really help that Sung-ho really loved playing the ‘I told you so’ card.
“Nam-gyu. Did I, or did I not, tell you to not get involved with him? He’s not like that. You can’t force the man to be receptive to this shit when he’s not built like that.” The words stabbed Nam-gyu, his head tipping forward as he dug his face into his hands. Sung-ho was the last person that he wanted to spill this too, but he was the closest thing he had to a friend. Fucking Thanos.
“It’s not like I told him I liked him or something! I wasn’t just gonna let him destroy his dressing room and freak out all alone, Sung!”
“It’s what he does, Nam-gyu. Really. Everything that you saw and heard is normal for him. It’s something we’ve all dealt with since we started working with him!”
“And you don’t see anything wrong with that?!” Nam-gyu was frustrated, “You see this man struggling day in and day out, and no one does anything? It’s all just normal to you guys? It’s repeated behavior so you guys just learned to tune it out and not care?”
It was hard not to snap. Weeks of boiled up emotions bottling up and spilling over Sung-ho’s hotel bed. He wasn’t angry at him particularly, but the fact that he was as complicit in Thanos’ neglect was heartbreaking..
Nam-gyu couldn’t help but see himself in the situation. People learned to ignore his pain, brush him to the side because they were tired of dealing with him. He can’t blame them. It’s easy to imagine that Thanos’ outbursts got old quickly, especially when he was so hard to pull back. But Thanos had an army around him. A crowd of people that could easily see that a bit more effort was needed.
“He’s not invisible, Sung-ho. He needs help just like the rest of us.”
They both went quiet, the air awkward as they let the other’s words sink in. The difference in opinion was only going to get more tense if they continued on, Sung letting out a soft sigh as he gently grabbed Nam-gyu’s hands. It took everything in him not to pull away, huffing as Sung squeezed onto them.
“I hear you, okay? I get it,” His grip loosened, “I get why you did it. And I’m sorry that he’s being a dick about it.”
Nam-gyu let out a whine as he dramatically dropped onto the bed, covering his face as he shook his head. This was miserable. It’s been a while since he’s had a real crush on somebody. The kind of admiration that had you feeling like a teenager again, giggling and fantasizing.
“I really like him, Sung-ho.”
His body flopped beside him, the mattress dipping a little before a pillow was sent against his hidden face.
“Hey-!”
“Then do something about it. What is sitting here in my hotel room gonna do? He’s not gonna magically realize that you have feelings for him. He’s not the smartest guy, and he’s definitely not a mind reader..”
Another pillow came flying his way. Nam-gyu snatched it midair and hurled it back, both of them laughing as they kept the game going. He wrestled to grab the pillow once more before tossing it to the floor, grateful for the lighthearted shift. Sung grinned, pulling out his phone, “Why do you like the man so much, huh? You barely know him.”
“That’s the worst part! I’ve fallen for this man through these stupid photos and small interactions! I just… I feel like I know him. I can see him. I can relate to a certain level with what he’s going through, so I know what he needs.”
It was hard to cover up the snicker he got in response, Nam-gyu huffing as his arms crossed, “It sounds weird, okay. I know! And fucking delusional!”
“I think it’s cute,” Another snicker, “You haven’t even fucked the man and he’s gotten you wrapped around his finger.”
The comment was enough for Nam-gyu’s cheeks to tinge red, quickly avoiding the man’s gaze. Sung-ho sat up quickly, scooting closer as he shook the man quickly, “Did you fuck him?!”
Nam-gyu swatted his hands away, groaning as he softly shoved him, “No I didn’t fuck him! God- I wish I did, but no! No, sometimes I just.. I don’t know..” The look in Sung’s eyes caused an eye roll, “Youuu…?”
There was no way he was going to admit this. He’d sound crazy, it’d probably drive his only friend away faster than he could process. But still, it was on the tip of his tongue, his nose scrunching as he let out a groan.
“Sometimes I jerk off to the photos I take and I think that’s making this one-sided attachment worse.”
The sound that Sung-ho let out wasn’t human. Something between a cackle, a gasp, and a sympathetic whine as he grabbed tightly onto Nam-gyu’s shoulder. It made Nam-gyu feel small, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to shove him off. The grip tightened, Sung rocking the man back and forth as he laughed.
“Stop laughing at me!” Nam-gyu snapped, his eyebrows furrowing together as he pouted, “I told you that in confidence, stop making fun of me!”
The man was running out of breath, breathing in deeply as one hand released him to wipe away imaginary tears, “Oh my god. Fuck, I’m not making fun of you but that’s hilarious. Oh you poor sweet thing.” Those hands moved only to squeeze and pull at Nam-gyu’s cheeks, “My sweet, sweet Nam-gyu. We need to get you laid, like.. Yesterday.”
-
It was an off day. A much needed break from the hectic schedule the crew had been stuck on for the last few months. It was a breath of fresh air, Nam-gyu able to actually decompress and relax instead of rushing to get dressed for rehearsal. It especially meant that he didn’t have to spend the day with Thanos. Sung-ho did his best to help him out after their talk, even offering to hype him up to the rapper, but Nam-gyu quickly declined.
The last thing he needed was attention that stemmed from sympathy, so he settled on getting nothing from Thanos. Sung was respectful, even if he seemed a bit disappointed that he couldn’t play matchmaker.
“The more I think about it, you guys would totally be a cute couple.”
God, what an idea. The two of them, a couple. Perhaps when pigs can fly, Thanos would glance in his direction and, even for a second, consider him a contender for his heart. Nam-gyu didn’t have a lot to offer, but a shoulder to cry on seems like a good deal. If he just had the chance to speak to him again, maybe things could go differently. He’d be able to explain that Nam-gyu felt a spark, something in the universe tugging him towards the rapper.
Then again, he’d probably just sound like another obsessed fan. Fine. Back to nothing.
As soon as Nam-gyu had attempted to get settled into his bed, phone in hand ready to order room service, a text popped up on his screen.
Sung-ho: Party tonight. 11 pm.
Nam-gyu read over the words carefully, grimacing as he gave the message a thumbs down.
Me: Have a feeling I’m not invited if this is the first I’m hearing about it.
Sung-ho: Wellllll! You’re hearing about it now. Get dressed.
Me: No.
Sung-ho: Wasn’t a question :)
Nam-gyu groaned as he let his phone drop. A party was the last thing he needed right now. Loud music, annoying lights, and a sea of people drunkenly bumping into him? A fucking nightmare. Another thread of threatening texts flooded in, Sung punctuating that he’d have his head on a stick if he wasn’t dressed by the time he reached his room. Considering the fact the man was only a few doors away, he didn’t have a lot of time to argue.
Reluctantly, the man pulled himself out of the bed, dragging his feet as he dropped to his knees and unzipped his suitcase. He didn’t pack anything for an event like this, what was he supposed to wear? Wait, what do you even throw on for this type of thing?
Sung-ho wasn’t exactly clear on what kind of party this was, nor who would be there. Nam-gyu rummaged through his options, picking out a few lackluster shirts and deciding on his usual pair of jeans. It’s not like he had anybody to impress, and he wasn’t exactly trying to stand out. It wasn’t long before there was a knock on his door, Nam-gyu pulling on his shirt before opening the door enough for Sung-ho to slip in and follow closely behind him.
“I told you to get dressed!”
Nam-gyu turned around, his eyes widening at the sight of the man in front of him. His body was decorated with a lacey, see-through blouse that hugged his body in all the right ways. There were more holes in his jeans than actual material, showing off his toned legs perfectly. His eyes were dark with eyeliner and glitter, half of his long hair clipped back as his bangs laid on his face. Okay. Nam-gyu was severely underdressed.
“I am dressed,” He mumbled, suddenly feeling very insecure about his outfit of choice, “Sorry, I don’t exactly have a fishnet top just laying around.” Yeah, he was a little jealous that he was incapable of cleaning up this nicely. Envious that Sung-ho had nailed the style perfectly, he was fucking stunning.
“Is this really all you have?” The man’s hands gripped onto the hem of his shirt, cringing as he let it drop, “Whatever. Fine, it’ll work.”
Nam-gyu let out a scoff, swatting his hand away before smoothing out his shirt, “You act like I’m wearing pajamas, Sung. This is perfectly acceptable to wear to a party I had no knowledge about.”
A text turned Sung-ho’s attention away, yanking out his phone as he smiled brightly at the screen. It made Nam-gyu a bit nervous, wanting to be nosy and peek at the screen, “Who are you smiling over right now?”
“Nobody. You ready? Have your ID?”
“Are you gonna tell me where we’re going?”
“A club. Thanos has a section cleared out for him, and he invited me.”
Nam-gyu felt his stomach drop to his ass, his mouth opening in shock, “What?! No!”
“Shut up. You’re my plus one, and we’re gonna go and we’re gonna have a fun time. Like I said, you need to get laid. Perhaps being drunk will give you a bit of a confidence boost.”
A tight grip pulled him out the door before he had time to protest. The closer they got to the elevator, the more Nam-gyu regretted not trying harder on his outfit. He didn’t look bad, but he definitely didn’t look like belonged in a VIP section with a hot celebrity. Fuck, and he wasn’t even invited, this was a terrible idea.
“There’s no way you’re allowed to bring me. I wasn’t invited, I didn’t know about this. He doesn’t want me there! He doesn’t even know who I am, Sung-ho!”
The fear in his voice didn’t earn a response, Sung-ho tapping away on his phone as his elbow hit the button for the first floor. There was that smile again, Nam-gyu’s chest getting tighter as the panic continued to pile on. The last thing he wanted to do was seem overbearing, like a crazy stalker following Thanos.
“Are you sure it's okay? Seriously, I don’t wanna get you in trouble. And I don’t wanna piss anybody off. I’m more than happy staying here, I was gonna order food–”
“Shut up,” Sung-ho hummed, “You are going to drink with me and have fun. Now, if you whine and complain one more time, drinks are on you for the entire night.”
That shut Nam-gyu up quickly. Yeah, the job paid well, but not that fucking well. Maybe this could be a blessing in disguise. I mean, it wouldn’t be too strange if he spoke to Thanos, especially if they were stuck together in the same section. It wouldn’t seem weird, just two people being friendly while drinking. Nam-gyu could take advantage of the opportunity, show Thanos that he’s more than just some lonely photographer. He can have fun, he can hang. Hopefully.
-
This was not Nam-gyu’s scene in the slightest. The music was immediately giving the man a headache, the bass heavy in chest as he got pushed left and right from the swarm of dancing bodies. There was immediate anxiety, the man longing to pull away and get a taxi home. There was no way he could speak to Thanos here, not when he couldn’t hear his own thoughts.
It didn’t help that Sung-ho was insistent on getting drinks as soon as they got there, shoving a shot glass in Nam-gyu’s hand before he could take a moment to breathe. Before he knew it, the man was 3 shots deep and begging the bartender for water.
“Don’t be a pussy,” Sung-ho snickered, politely asking him for his own water and taking a swig, “Think of it as liquid confidence! You’ll be grinding against a random man in no time.”
God, maybe that’s what Nam-gyu needed. It had been a while since his last random hookup, maybe he was just pent up and clinging to the first man he saw. That a potential solution, find someone else to take home and fuck the feelings out of him.
“Come on,” Sung-ho smiled widely, “Somebody’s waiting for us.”
The two of them made their way through the crowd, holding each other tightly as they approached a man that didn’t look too happy to be there. Sung-ho smiled widely as he got closer, “Well hello there, handsome.”
“Name.”
“Alright, guess we’re not feeling too friendly.”
“Name.”
“Seo Sung-ho.”
The man glanced down at his paper and back at Sung, giving a quick nod as he walked past the rope. He attempted to drag Nam-gyu in, a strong arm pushing against his chest and stopping him in his tracks.
“Name.”
Nam-gyu blinked as he pointed towards his friend, “Oh sorry, I’m with him!”
“Tell me your name.”
“Nam-gyu.”
His arm stayed there, blocking him in as he looked over the paper, shaking his head as he pushed him back slightly, “Not on the list.”
“Wait,” Nam-gyu glanced, “Well I know but, I’m with him-”
The worker didn’t care about a single word coming from Nam-gyu’s mouth, staring daggers into him, “Your name is not here. You do not get to go in. Got it?” Something told him that the man wasn’t gonna repeat himself again, Nam-gyu shooting Sung-ho a panicked look, “He’s my friend! Thanos said I could bring someone, if you’d just step aside-”
“I’m not repeating myself.”
“Let him in,” Thanos shouted from his seat, pushing himself off the couch as he made his way towards them, “They’re with me, it’s cool dude. Don’t worry.”
Obviously irked, the man grumbled to himself before stepping aside and letting Nam-gyu walk in. Before Nam-gyu could open his mouth to thank Thanos, he was already walking away to flop back onto the couch and grab his drink again. Fuck he was confusing. Sung-ho grabbed onto him excitedly, tugging him towards an empty spot and yanking them down together.
“Have you ever been in a reserved section?”
“No, never-”
“So, we have our own designated drink lady, it’s pretty cool. The table comes with its own supply of shit, but I don’t usually like digging into it unless someone says we can. Hence why we bought our own drinks, but! Now we get to buy them here-” His hand reached for the menu, skimming through it, “I’m more of a shots kind of person, but if you’re into beers or mixed drinks they have a lot of stuff here. Plus it’s nice to be able to relax and wind down away from the crowd of drunk people.”
Nam-gyu did his best to listen, his eyes peering off every once in a while to stare at Thanos. He wasn’t doing much, sipping on his beer as he peered out towards the sea of people. Nam-gyu fully expected the man to have his own arrangement of women throwing themselves at him, practically swallowing each other whole on that couch.
But he was alone, paying no mind to his buddies that were chatting amongst themselves. Just sitting there as if he didn’t have the entire club to explore, people waiting for just a second of his attention. He didn't look particularly happy to be there either, as if this was some requirement instead of something fun. His expression was indifferent, his head only twitching to the side to motion for another beer. The small smile he gave the woman made Nam-gyu’s stomach do flips, his eyes twinkling with the first real emotion he’s seen from the man that night.
Nam-gyu wanted to reach out, sit beside him and try to figure out what was going through his head. The emotions they went through together had to mean something, surely. Even if it wasn’t nothing more than somebody finally seeing Thanos for who he is, it had to have struck something in his heart. Something was tugging him towards the man, almost giving in to the instinct before Sung-ho gripped onto his arm.
“Did you want something specific?”
A menu was placed in hands, Nam-gyu forced to give his attention to the list of drinks in front of him, blinking quickly as he tried to read the words. It was still dark despite the cluster of LED lights, nothing hitting the menu long enough for him to read, “How the hell did you find anything on here?”
Sung laughed as he leaned forward, pointing towards a name towards the bottom, “This is one of my favorites. But if you want to get the job done quickly, we just get a bottle and take some shots?” Nam-gyu pondered on if the inevitable hangover was worth it– they didn’t exactly have anything to do tomorrow besides start getting ready for more traveling, so it wouldn’t interrupt his schedule. But, he did want to get more editing done and go out and see the city, take some personal photos for himself. Mid-thought, his eyes wandered towards Thanos again, his blood running cold when he realized the man was staring back. He looked… Jealous?
Thanos’ eyes flickered between the two of them, fixating on Sung-ho before trailing back to Nam-gyu, his eyebrows furrowing as he studied how close their bodies were. Sung-ho was clueless, continuing his spiel of alcohol recommendations, not noticing for a second that the man was staring holes into him. It was unclear who Thanos was jealous of– logically, it would be Nam-gyu. The two of them had history, no matter how small it was, so it made sense that he hated to see another man so close to Sung-ho.
But if he wanted to feed into his delusionals, it could stroke Nam-gyu’s ego to believe that Thanos was so unhappy to see him with someone else. The curiosity struck Nam-gyu, his hand reaching out to land on the man’s thigh, turning his body towards him.
“We should just take shots,” he mumbled, cocking his head to the side, “Get us drunker faster. I wanna get drunk. Can we get drunk?”
The contact made Sung-ho’s eyebrows raise, his gaze fixed on the hand that was squeezing the meat of his thigh, letting out a small scoff as he looked back up, “Tell me you haven’t stooped this low.”
“Just play along.” Nam-gyu grumbled, pushing their bodies closer before glancing to see if Thanos was still watching. He was. Nam-gyu’s breath hitched as he bit back a smile, letting his hands run farther up his thigh, “Do you see how he’s staring at us right now? I’m not crazy, right?”
Sung-ho took a careful peak, laughing as he responded with a small nod. He let the menu slip out of his hand before motioning the worker off, smiling widely as he nuzzled himself into Nam-gyu’s side. “Could you please get us a bottle of something strong enough to get us plastered quickly, please? And two glasses.” The lady smiled politely before walking off, Nam-gyu holding in a laugh as he glanced back over. His heart dropped when he realized Thanos was gone, looking around to see if he could spot his purple hair.
When nothing stuck out, he sighed in defeat and pulled himself free from Sung’s grip, earning a small pout, “You’re using me? That hurts. I’m hurt.” The comment was laced with sarcasm, a small snicker quickly following it before the man laid against the other side of the couch, “You’re right. He was staring, hard. Maybe you’re not as delusional as I thought you were.” Nam-gyu sent a small smack to his leg, the two of them laughing. Maybe it would be a fun night after all.
-
“Oh that waitress must’ve hated us-” Sung-ho gasped out between heaves, gripping tightly onto his stomach as his head rested on his arm. Nam-gyu held tightly onto his hair, rubbing his back as he drunkenly cooed encouraging words at the man, “You- You are so okay. You’re gonna be okay. Let it out.”
His body lunched forward as more of the drink forced its way out of his stomach, Nam-gyu cringing as he tried to focus on keeping himself up. Nam-gyu wasn’t in any better of a state, the room spinning as the muffled music thumped into his head, his body swaying as it threatened to topple over any second.
“Who told us to order two bottles?” The man grunted, spitting grossly into the toilet, “What a stupid idea.”
“It was your stupid idea,” Nam-gyu hummed, accidentally tugging on the man's hair as his body fell back, “Oh! Sorry!” His fingers unlaced from the strands as he slumped against the stall door, groaning out as Sung-ho threw up for the third time that night, “You stink so bad dude…” The only response he got was another gag, Sung-ho’s body going slump as his head hung in the toilet, his chest rising quickly as he tried to catch his breath.
“Come on, come on we gotta go.. We gotta go back to the hotel…” Nam-gyu groaned, attempting to push himself up and grip onto the limp man, whining as he shook him a little. Soft snores were an easy indication that the man was officially blacked out, no amount of rough shakes budging his sleepy state.
“Fuck, come on Sung-ho! I wanna sleep too!”
Nam-gyu made an honest attempt at trying to tear him off the toilet, his body falling back as he tripped on the tangled limbs on the floor. An idea popped up into his drunken mind, slipping his hand into Sung’s pocket as he dug out his phone. A hand lifted up the man's face as he tried to work the Face ID, digging through his contacts and staring intensely as he came across Thanos’. His finger quickly hit the call button, bringing it to his ear as he continued to shake his sleeping friend.
“Hello?” Thanos spoke loudly, music playing through the speakers, “Sungie? Where the hell did you go?”
Nam-gyu couldn’t help the giggle that escaped his lips, biting his lip at how fucking deep Thanos’ voice sounded, “Took a few rings for you to answer-”
“...This isn’t Sung-ho. Who the hell is this? How did you get his phone?”
“Thanos-hyunggg.. It’s me, it’s Nam-gyu.” It came off much flirtier than he intended, but there was no care left in his body as he let out a soft sigh, “Sung-ho is really drunk. Super fucking drunk.. He passed out in the bathroom and I don’t think I can get him home by myself..”
Thanos groaned on the other line, the obvious sound of pants shuffling and belt being buckled made Nam-gyu snicker, “Did I interrupt something?”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
The phone call ended there, Nam-gyu pulling away to look at the contact photo. It was a silly selfie, the two of them posing together with their tongues sticking out. Sung claims there was nothing emotional between the two of them, but their friendship was sweet. The people that surrounded Thanos seemed solid, although they lacked in the emotional department, at least they gave him company and kept him smiling.
Nam-gyu couldn’t help himself, observing Sung-ho closely before opening their text messages in his phone, scrolling mindlessly until he found something of use. They were all quite normal, just conversations about scheduling and new ideas for promotional posts. A few texts about meeting up to hang out, grab lunch, and a few stray videos that Thanos had sent him out of nowhere. His finger froze when he saw a glimpse of his name, his eyes trying to focus, scrolling up higher. As soon as his vision stopped being blurred, the stall door swung open and the man went tumbling over. Nam-gyu gasped loudly, Thanos catching him and looking down with an annoyed expression, “Are you drunk too?” Nam-gyu gulped as he gave a soft shake of his head, the small smile creeping on his lips and the snicker that followed giving his act up immediately.
“Christ. I leave you guys for a few fucking minutes..” Thanos helped him catch his balance, giving his shoulders a squeeze before reaching down to gently rub Sung-ho’s back, “Sungie.. Rise and shine, princess…”
Sung-ho hardly gave a small grumble, Thanos sighing before pulling his limp body up. Without hesitance, he threw the man over his shoulder and glanced at Nam-gyu, “Come on. The cars waiting for us, you two need to sleep this off..” Nam-gyu stumbled, but managed to keep his footing enough to follow after the two, silently wishing he was the one thrown over the man’s shoulder. It didn’t seem like it took any effort from him, holding Sung-ho’s body up with no problem as he walked through the heavy crowd of people.
“I’m sorry if we ruined your fun,” Thanos glanced over, “It sounded like you were busy when I called you… And I’m sorry I had to tear you away.”
Thanos cracked a smile, patting Sung-ho’s back lightly, “Oh please. I’d tear away from anybody to come save the day for my sweet Sungie.”
That comment shot jealousy through Nam-gyu’s core, his jaw tensing as he tried to hold back a small scoff. It was like he wasn’t even trying to hide how much Nam-gyu didn’t matter, “You two close then, hm?”
“Yeah. I don’t know, we just get along well, but also I don’t exactly trust you to be able to look after him when he’s this drunk.”
“And why’s that?”
Thanos shot him another look as he laughed, “You don’t exactly have much muscle, Namsu. But don’t worry, Thanos will protect the both of you.”
Oh.
“You would protect me, hm?”
“I’m not a monster. Of course I would.”
Do you care about me? Is that why? You can’t bear the thought of somebody hurting me? You want to be able to swoop in and save the day? He’d let him without a doubt, his prince charming. God, the alcohol was really getting to him. The steps he managed were getting more wobbly, unsure if his knees were buckling because of the liquor or the sudden attention from Thanos. Either way, he needs more.
“You care about me, huh? You’d care if something happened to me?”
The laugh the question earned was deserved, it was a silly question. But Nam-gyu needed to hear it so badly, his hand reaching out to grab onto his arm tightly. Thanos didn’t brush him, hardly acknowledged that he was there, but the fact that he allowed him to hang off him was a step forward, right?
“Of course I care about you,” He muttered, “You’re part of my team. You make me look cool. You’re a part of this family, so yeah. I care.”
It wasn’t exactly the confession he wanted, but he’d take it for now. The small crumbs so graciously fed to him that made his head spin, smiling widely to himself as he laid his head against him. Once again, Thanos didn't even flinch, allowing the man to be as touchy as he needed as they got to the car.
Thanos got Sung-ho in carefully, getting his seatbelt on and laying him against the door before helping Nam-gyu crawl in next. The night had slowly crept up on him, laying his head against his sleeping friend as Thanos got situated. He spoke nicely to the driver before leaning back, watching over the two of them from the side of his eye.
The drive wasn’t too long, but it was enough for Nam-gyu to get a small power nap in as he snuzzled deeper into the lace under his cheek, his eyes fluttering closed. The car was silent, apart from the sound of Thanos typing furiously on his phone. Gave Nam-gyu a silent reminder that Sung-ho’s was still buried deep in his pocket, along with the text that had his name sprawled on it. God he needed to read it.
“Hey,” Thanos whispered, pushing on Nam-gyu’s shoulder lightly, “We’re here.”
The liquor only seemed to hit him harder when his eyes opened, the world spinning uncontrollably as he gripped onto his head tightly, “Fuck.” Thanos attempted to get him out safely, only for the man to tumble to the ground as soon as he was released.
“Dude!” Thanos groaned, leaning down to inspect his arms to make sure he didn’t scratch anything, pulling him back onto his feet and keeping a grip on him until he wasn’t rocking. It was a silent victory, the fact that Thanos was staying with him until he deemed he was safe. Didn’t abandon him on the street to pull out his friend, small positives.
Sung-ho actually woke up this time, his eyes slowly opening as he smiled sheepishly at Thanos, “Oh hello there..” He hummed, reaching his arms out for Thanos, “Can you carry me on your back?” Thanos laughed quietly as he turned around, Sung-ho wrapping himself around the man’s back, nuzzling against his shoulder as he seemingly dozed off again.
It made him feel like shit, but Nam-gyu needed Sung to disappear immediately. Without even trying, he was stealing away all the attention Thanos was finally giving him. There was finally some space for the two of them to start talking again, and in a blink of an eye he had another man wrapped around his back. As suspected, he made sure Sung-ho got back to his hotel room safe and sound. Nam-gyu waited outside as he practically tucked the man in, leaving a bottle of water on his table, and making sure he was sleeping on his side in case he threw up.
“Here.” Nam-gyu sighed, digging into his pocket and pulling out the phone, Thanos making sure it was put on the charger and within reach. And of course he couldn’t leave the room before leaving a small kiss on the man's head, walking out quietly and shutting the door behind him.
He was so kind. So fucking kind. This was nothing more than him taking care of one of his few friends, and Nam-gyu has managed to villainize every part of it. He couldn’t help it, the jealousy was overtaking him by the second.
“Do you need help getting back to your room?” Thanos yawned, in no obvious hurry to sling him over his shoulder and make sure he got into bed. The anger was boiling, his face turning red as he let out a small scoff. The lack of response made Thaons’ eyebrow raise, his arms crossing awkwardly as he rocked on his heels, “Is that a no? Orrr..?”
“Why don’t you like me?”
The answer caught the rapper by surprise, his mouth opening before closing again, a confused head cocking to the side as the gears turned in his head, “What?”
“Why don’t you like me? What did I do? I have been nothing but kind to you, you realize that, right? I have made effort after effort to try and be your friend! I want to be your friend! And I thought that we had gotten somewhere when I went out of my way to burst into your dressing room, and comfort you when nobody did! Why don’t you like me?!”
Thanos tried to wrap his head around the sudden attitude thrown his way, his hands going up in defense as he tried to silence the man. It was late, and they were in a very public hallway, the last thing the two needed was a noise complaint and some curious fans stumbling upon them.
“Namsu, what are you talking ab-”
“It’s Nam-gyu! My name is Nam-gyu!”
“Okay!” Thanos reached out to try and grab his hands, desperate to get the man to just calm down, “Okay, Nam-gyu. What are you talking about right now? Who said I didn’t like you?”
“You don’t have to say it! In fact, the lack of the words scream it louder than anything you could’ve told me! You don’t talk to me, you don’t look at me, I don’t even exist in your universe! What is so fucking wrong with me that you can’t even stand to have a real conversation with me?”
Thanos was at a loss for words, his mind fumbled up with ways that he could possibly comfort him on this. But how? Nam-gyu didn’t know either, his eyes welling up with tears as he pressed his palms deep into his sockets. This was embarrassing, but the liquid confidence had turned into a truth serum. The two were silent as they awkwardly stood there, Nam-gyu quietly crying as he tried to take deep breaths. He was falling apart in front of the man who wanted nothing to do with him.
“Come here,” Thanos whispered, pulling him in for a hesitant hug, “Dude, you drank way too much.”
Nam-gyu couldn’t help but laugh, the man squeezing him tightly as his hands stayed against his eyes. This was nice. As awkward as it was, it felt like Thanos was making a genuine attempt to make him feel better, even going as far to rub his back slowly.
“Do you wanna go to the roof? Get a breath of fresh air? There’s a lounge up there, we can relax and look at the city..”
“That sounds nice..”
“Come on..”
Nam-gyu didn’t want the hug to end, reluctant to follow before Thanos gently grasped his arm and pulled him beside him. They walked together into the elevator, silent as they stood side by side. The numbers changed as they got higher, Nam-gyu focusing on that instead of the nervous pit in his stomach. Poor Thanos, had to rescue his drunk friend and now having to deal with someone he hardly knew. But it didn’t stop him from reaching out and guiding him towards the door of the longue, opening it enough for him to step in and follow behind him.
The view was beautiful, the breeze was much more noticeable up high. Thanos kept a grip on the unstable man, not wanting him to stand too close to the edge. The hand on his arm felt like fire burning his skin, his body warming up as he tried not to think about how good it felt to be touched. Such a small gesture, one that had no real meaning behind it, but still enough to make Nam-gyu smile.
“It’s nice up here, isn’t it? I came up here last night to smoke, stayed here for hours. It’s a nice little hangout.” Thanos led him to a chair, helping him sit before settling down next to him. If Nam-gyu was being honest, he no longer knew what to say. The drunken haze was no longer guiding him, and he lost the only sense of confidence he had. It was like he expelled all his energy yelling at the man in the hallway, he was just tired now. He gave Thanos a small nod in response, looking up at the stars as he tried to search for any familiar constellations.
“Are you mad at me?” Thanos hummed, shifting so he was completely facing him.
Was he? Maybe. But it's not like he had a valid reason to be, Thaons didn’t owe him anything. The sentiment that he had to be his friend because he had the common decency to comfort him in trying times didn’t have to mean anything, as much as he wanted it to.
“I don’t think I have a right to be mad at you.”
“But you were obviously hurt about something I’ve done.”
“Do you know what you’ve done?” Nam-gyu questioned, glancing towards him.
“I stopped talking to you after you did something very kind for me.”
Nam-gyu stayed silent, giving him a small nod to keep talking. Thanos took the moment to ponder over his next words, teeth tugging on his bottom lip as he let out a small sigh, “You know something? You’re terrifying.”
“What?” Nam-gyu scoffed, laughing in shock. Him? Intimidating? Real rich coming from the man that could pin him to the corner with just his eyes, “What about me is intimidating?”
“You’re emotionally intelligent,” Thanos shrugged, “I’ve never felt so vulnerable with somebody before. Especially someone I hardly know. From the second we first laid eyes, I felt like you saw me. Not this celebrity, but… Me.” It felt like somebody had knocked the air out of Nam-gyu, his hands running over his arm as he gave his skin a small pinch. Surely, this had to be a dream. Another fantasy that his brain was replaying.
“And that’s scary. I don’t want to be seen like that. I want to come to work and be able to be this character I’ve created. But you don’t let me, it’s like I can’t even look at you without feeling naked. And sometimes that shit is overwhelming, I’m already being perceived in my day to day life, but you intensify it. So even when there’s this part of me that wants to sit with you and talk, my brain just won’t let me.”
Nam-gyu was stunned at how much Thanos was spilling to him, no hint of hesitance in his voice. He looked so casual while spilling his guts, a hand running through his hair, “I think my defense is just being cold. Maybe you’ll get pissed off and back away because of how ruthless I am.”
“Self sabotage.” Nam-gyu mumbled, “You’re trying to push me away even when I’m not that close.”
Nam-gyu’s words must’ve hit head on, a small sigh leaving the man beside him. Something shifted in his demeanor, as if he wanted to change the tone completely. Thanos’ hand crept forward, landing on the man's thigh, trying not to smirk at the way he flinched under him. This was unexpected. The sudden contact caused Nam-gyu’s brain to panic. His eyes focused on the way those painted nails were curling together to give him a comforting squeeze, his breath hitching at how cocky Thanos suddenly looked.
“I don’t think you should get to know me, Nam-gyu. I’m a mess. A complete and utter mess, and there’s no part of me that feels like you deserve to get dragged into the dirt with me.” Was he flirting? Was this a sick and twisted game of reverse psychology? God, it was working. Nam-gyu’s hand reached down to rest atop Thanos', sending him a challenging stare.
“I’m a mess too. You’re not the only person in the world with issues, you know? You don’t have to block out someone who’s able to handle them. It’s okay to be scared but..” Thanos cut him off with a soft squeeze, a gasp falling from the man's lips as he stuttered over the rest of the sentence, "But there’s nothing wrong with letting someone in.”
“Do you wanna know what else is intimidating, Nam-gyu?” His voice got lower as his eyes darkened, a cocky smile present on his lips, “You’re irresistible. You make it hard to ignore you, but I’m so determined to keep my bullshit away from you that I make it work.” What the fuck was happening? Was this another defense mechanism? Nam-gyu can’t argue with him if he’s too horny to speak?
“Were you flirting with Sung-ho to make me jealous?”
Nam-gyu’s breath hitched at the question, gulping hard as Thanos’ hand traveled upwards, stopping abruptly before squeezing again, “Come on. You were confident enough to scream at me in the hallway, don’t stop answering my questions now.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“Did it work?’ Nam-gyu’s voice was shaky, nowhere near the level of cockiness that Thanos was achieving, “Did I make you jealous?” Was this really happening?
“It did.” Thanos admitted, licking over his lips as he inched closer, “I’m not a good guy to know, Nam-gyu. I’m fucked up. A lost cause…” Despite the words that should be pushing away, they had Nam-gyu desperate to meet the man in the middle. The two gravitated towards each other, Nam-gyu’s hand moving up to grab his wrist, “What if I can help you?”
“What if you can’t? What if I ruin you?”
There was no way to contain the whine that was dragged out of him, Thanos’ grip getting tighter, “What if I want you to ruin me?” Fuck that was filthy. It was Thanos’ turn to groan, his head rolling to the side as he laughed, “You’re stubborn.”
“No, just drunk…”
“Too drunk to kiss me?”
That was the only sign he needed, Nam-gyu pushing his hands away and swinging a leg over. With a leg on each side, he straddled the man and gripped tightly onto that perfect jaw, “What are you doing? What’s your game plan here?” Thanos’ hands fit comfortably on his waist, pushing his hands under his shirt as his thumbs rubbed into his skin, “My game plan? There’s no game here.”
“You were being sweet and sincere two seconds ago, and now you’re trying to fuck me,” Thanos faked a dramtic gasp at the obscene wording, pulling the man close enough to feel his breath, “Who says I’m trying to fuck you?”
It was a battle to see who would give in first— Nam-gyu, giving up on the idea of getting Thanos’ wall down, or Thanos giving up the wall and letting Nam-gyu in. Both were putting up a good fight, their lips inches away with neither of them willing to close the gap. Not yet, not when he just saw a glance of how sincere Thanos could be.
“Let me in, Thanos… I can help you.” His grip softened to cup his cheeks, squishing them beneath his palm, “I can be the support you need.” Nam-gyu allowed himself to push forward slightly, letting their lips graze together as Thanos tensed beneath him. Nam-gyu seemed to have the upper hand, smiling as a soft chuckle tickled his lips, “I’m a useful guy..”
Thanos broke first, pushing forward to crash their lips together. The kiss was heavy, the two of them tangling together as Nam-gyu kept a tight grip on his face, Thanos’ nails digging into the skin of his waist. Nam-gyu hissed softly, trying to hold in a gasp. His lips were even more perfect than he imagined, molding perfectly as his tongue peeked out to deepen the kiss.
Nam-gyu had no intention of stopping him— meeting every brush of his tongue, embracing every messy clashing of their teeth, and trying not to moan at the obscene way Thanos bit at his bottom lip. It was all so much so quickly, his brain trying to catch up from the confession that Thanos causally threw towards it. It was obvious this was a distraction, just trying to get Nam-gyu’s mind off the idea of getting closer to Thanos. To Su-bong. This wasn’t a privilege the man was going to allow himself, seemingly feeling he deserves the pit of loneliness he dug himself in.
But Nam-gyu can play this game, drag Thanos in with the thing he seems to know most. This was the most vulnerable they could be, no matter how much sex didn’t seem to matter to the rapper. He would show him how amazing it can feel to be touched by someone who cares. He’ll always meet him where he’s standing, grabbing onto his shirt and falling back onto the couch, dragging Thanos with him.
“You’re eager..” Thanos hummed, pulling away to kiss at his cheek, trailing wet kisses down to his neck. Nam-gyu’s head tipped back as he let out a gasp, gripping at his back as those sharp teeth sunk down into his skin.
“A little redundant to mark me after trying to push me away, isn’t it?”
“Are you always this sarcastic?” Thanos chuckled, licking over the forming bruise and catching his lips in another kiss. Nam-gyu took control this time, slowing down the kiss and just letting their lips move sweetly. Thanos did his best to deepen it again, his hands getting swatted away whenever he tried gripping Nam-gyu’s chin. There was too much on the line for Nam-gyu to give into him completely, moving to kiss over his cheek sweetly, peppering small signs of his admiration over his face. Thanos tried to sink into it, enjoy the feeling, soak in the love that Nam-gyu was trying to give. But it was like his body was hardwired to reject every sign of connection, pulling away to play with the hem of Nam-gyu’s shirt.
“Can I take this off?”
Nam-gyu bit back a sarcastic comment, groaning as he pushed Thanos’ hands away, “Can we just keep kissing for a minute? Please?”
Something flashed in Thanos’ eyes, not used to someone rejecting his advances, “Are you saying no?” He looked hurt. Like a kicked puppy, a small pout on his lips as he continued to play with the material. Nam-gyu watched him, sighing before sitting up to pull off his shirt. Thanos took the leap quickly, pushing him back down to attack his chest with kisses. Nam-gyu let out a soft moan, every kiss felt like fire on his skin, Thanos leaving no spot untouched. His back arched into it, Thanos hooking his arm under him to keep him up, sucking sweetly on his collarbone to leave more marks.
“Youre beautiful,” Thanos whispered as he pressed more kisses against his chest, trailing down to his stomach, the view was enough to make Nam-gyu whine, “This is why I don’t wanna ruin you, you’re just so fucking beautiful..” His tongue ran over his stomach, meeting back to his sternum, placing a small peck before catching his lips again. God, he was good at this. Nam-gyu moaned into the kiss, his hips bucking to rut against Thanos.
“I want you to ruin me,” Nam-gyu mumbled into the kiss, “I need you to ruin me, Subong.”
Thanos froze. His body tensed, letting Nam-gyu’s body drop back onto the couch with a small gasp. He pulled away before Nam-gyu was able to grasp onto him, running a tongue over his lips. It was all moving quickly, too quick for Nam-gyu to say anything before Thanos was grabbing his shirt and pushing it towards the man.
“I can’t do this.”
What?
“I can help you get back to your room.”
Nam-gyu was stunned, desperately reaching back out to grab onto his arms, anything. Obviously something set him off, but he needed to make it right, “Thanos. Hey. What’s going on? Talk to me…” The buzz that was giving Nam-gyu the boost he needed was gone, completely drained as he went into panic mode, “Did I do something? I’m sorry, please just.. Talk to me.”
Thanos moved his hands away gently, shaking his head as he stood up, “Do you want me to walk you back to your room or not?”
Nam-gyu’s heart sank, his eyes welling up with pathetic tears as he stared at the hands that Thanos rejected. His bottom lip stuck out in a pout, his throat aching with the lump in it. He fucked it up. His moment to get as close with Thanos as one could, and he fucked it up. But, this was all Thanos doing. He came onto him? How was he the one to pull away?
“You’re gonna bring me up here, kiss me, try and fuck me, and then pull away? No, push me away? I get that you’re trying to protect yourself, and I know you’re fucking scared, but you don’t have to push me away. Just let me try-”
“I told you I was bad news. It’s not my fault you can’t listen.”
There was a hint of regret in Thanos’ eyes as soon as those words left his mouth, sighing as his head hung, “This was a bad idea. And I’m sorry if this made things more confusing. I promise I’m not trying to hurt you just.. Just give it up, please.” It seems the offer to walk back together was gone, Thanos sending him a sad smile before walking away, leaving Nam-gyu to stand there and wallow in his self-pity.
There was no giving this up.
Notes:
DO YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I HATED SOME OF THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE I WAS WRITING DARK HARRY STYLES FANFIC CIRA 2014. anyways please tell me it doesn't read like terrible 1d pics because that was my aesthetic as a child and I'm trying to grow...
anyways love u guys
namgyusintention on Chapter 1 Mon 25 Aug 2025 01:39AM UTC
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