Finally awake

by small_mercies

Summary:

After they separated from the World Tree Gon decides to come back to whale island to lay low for a while.
A fic where Gon tries to fix the mistakes he did in his relationship with Killua
I swear this has a plot.

Chapter 1: A promise made to be kept

‘Gon’

‘Gon, wake up’

A slight touch echoed through his limbs. Feathery fingers running along his body, his shoulder most probably, he wasn’t able to tell. He didn’t pay attention to it.His body felt far away, floating in what seemed like a dark ocean separating his being from his mind. Surprisingly, the water wasn’t cold to death just like it was on whale island,it didn’t have big waves that crashed violently into the stone. He was resting upon an easy sea, currents rocking him slightly to the left and then to the right. It felt nothing like the deep dark water he avoided as a child. Instead it was so, so warm. It resembled Mito’s hold. Was he dreaming of Mito ? No, it felt like her touch but it wasn’t exactly it. The waves moved more, pushing him from side to side, cradling him softly, making him lean into his sleep again. His mother’s touch had always been more gentle, more light and felt like summer wind more than warm water. Then what was this?

A slight push

Gon had always been a heavy sleeper. He adored it, sleeping was for him the most accomplishing activity he could undertake. This resulted in him falling into his dreamless slumber at any chance he had. Really, it was annoying most of the time. He couldn’t gain his senses back as fast as he would have liked to when he woke up, making him an ebay prey for his adversaries most of the time.

A nail poking him. A calloused hand wrapping him.

The background changed, He wasn’t in deep empty water anymore, but was now floating into the sky. He only assumed it was the sky because he was drifting in a whirl of blue. Really, he had no idea where he was.

He looked around him, different shades of blue were drowning in and mixing with light grays and yellow, it felt like a deep storm. One that surprisingly made Gon feel secure. He let himself let his guard down and blend in with the background. This didn’t feel like the sky anymore, it felt oddly familiar. Where was he?

‘Gon, can you hear me?’

There was someone calling him. He felt like he was starting to stir out of his entrancing dream, his body gaining more energy, feeling the need to move. But his mind had none of it. He wanted to stay, he wanted to admire that color more. Somehow the landscape made him feel something, made him realise a slight touch was holding his heart, a soft and deliberately calm presence enclosing his entire being. His eyelids felt heavy, like they weighed tons. Gon already gave up the idea of opening them.

He knew he had to get up. The awareness he felt now was clear. He needed to wake up to continue his day. To continue living. But his sleep felt so good at that moment, so nice. This blue world felt so safe, somewhere he could let his guard down, finally take a break, and just breathe. In no near future was he going to wake up. He decided he’ll stay asleep forev-

‘GODDAMIT GON WILL YOU WAKE UP ALREADY’

His eyes flew wide open, pupils jerking wildly around the room.

The first thing he saw was that deep blue that enveloped him only a few minutes before. Somehow, they felt even nicer now, as if they were made from a material that could just hold him, wrap him and his body and just embrace all of his being.

Oh, those were Killua's eyes.

He felt the tension from his shoulders fade away in an instance, being awake didn’t feel this hard anymore.

He never realised they were so pretty.

The second thing that welcomed him into reality was the water bucket Killua smashed into Gon’s face.

—

 

‘Honestly Gon, what are you a fucking bear?’ Killua’s loud voice came echoing through the Hotel room they were currently staying at. ‘It’s almost a skill how literally nothing can make you wake up’.

Killua was right, and Gon knew it. His love for sleeping was unhealthy, between staying awake and going to sleep Gon always chose the ladder. Somehow, Gon had not an ounce of concern for this love. Killua would always be there to wake him up and Gon knew that. He therefore could not care less about his sleeping habits. That thought had to be very visible on his face because for the second time today, he almost thought Killua was going to throw him out of the window.

Gon softly hummed at killua’s words, but didn’t answer further. He was much more preoccupied with Killua’s eyes. He dreamed about them, about this specific shade of blue. Did Gon look at them that much? The different colours in his dream were almost perfectly resembling those that were on Killua’s actual eye. A deep blue was arching around the iris, changing shades through small lines going into deeper and darker colours. If you looked closely enough you could see the small traces of green and grey blending together with the small yellow dots that were decorating this entire masterpiece. He remembered how safe, how welcome he felt in his dream. How long had it been since he felt so relaxed ? It had been a while for sure, them being so entranced in their adventures did not make it easy for Gon to sleep this profound. Then why did Killua's eyes make him feel that way? Staring out of his thoughts, he slowly traced killua’s eyes, the perfect shape and curve surrounding these irises, going into a slow steeper line at the end of each eye. This made them sharper, more intimidating. Gon personally felt Killua looked like a cat most of the time.

The warm light from the first days of summer was drowning the apartment. Even if they slept one night in this hotel room, Gon strangely felt like he was at home. Maybe it was because of the more rustic feeling this hotel had, the old furniture, the creaking floor, the slightly washed away mirror, it all resembled Mito’s house in some way. Maybe it was because Killua made him feel way too warm sometimes, way too lively.

Gon looked once more at Killua’s figure. He was laying against the foot of the bed, crossed legs in the shape of a pretzel, with his head inclined lightly downwards. Gon always wondered why Killua preferred staying on the floor than on the bed - every time they had to sit down, Killua opted for sitting on the floor if he had the choice. He’s asked him about it once. He remembers exactly how Killua glanced at him. He had startled when Gon asked him, but when he fixed his eyes on Gon's, his lips turned upwards a bit and a slight wave of curiosity took over his features. He responded almost too quickly : ‘that’s a stupid question, focus on the mission and stop getting distracted idiot’. Even if Killua had continued with his usual banter, he had known this question surprised him a bit. He almost looked self-conscious at that moment. Like he didn’t realize he did that until Gon pointed it out. He remembered this interaction vividly, as it was almost the first time Gon saw Killua’s cheek change from porcelain colour to a blended pink, ghostly marking Killua’s face. This brought a small smirk on Gon’s face.

Gon was feeling out of place. Don’t get him wrong, Gon loved procrastinating once in a while, laying around the house with nothing to do, only relaxing and shutting off his brain. But these relaxing occurrences had weared off since he left Whale island to become a hunter. Actually, he can’t remember the last time he woke up later, feeling fully relaxed and having no clue what to do that day. Realizing this made a small pool of dread form in his stomach. This wasn’t really healthy was it ?. Mito would strap him to bed and make him stay there for days if he ever confessed he didn’t really have time to lay low in the past months. The last time he fully recovered and slept without worries was when he fell unconscious at the Hunter exam. Even back there, something in his mind was gently nudging him, telling him something was missing, was off-place. And his instincts never wronged him, even if he wished they would. When he’d learned about killua and what he had to go through, he’d nearly lost it. His fists caught the bed sheat so hard he thought it was going to violently break, a sudden hot pain shooting right behind his ribs as Santotz- san obliviously explained the situation. He felt his stomach slowly tearing apart, as if he’d had acid going down his throat ,slowly intoxicating his entire body. I’m gonna kill his brother. I’m gonna kill him and it’s going to be so fun. So,so fucking fu-

Stop thinking about it.

Gon knew he had problems with his anger. He knew it made him unconsciously dangerous and unstable when he’d let it wash over him. He knew he could hurt somebody dear to him and never realise it when he was in this state. He knew it, and still didn’t stomp it down to this day. He knew and chose to let it fuel him, let him gain unbreakable spirit and energy from it. He knew it would break him one day, he knew it would fucking consume it. But he never once tried to stop it. He let out a thoughtful sigh. I guess that’s unhealthy too. Gon felt a bit of worry realising he had quite a list growing in his head of things he should alter. But he wasn’t so worried about when he was going to fix them. Honestly he'd already planned this part. He was going to come back to whale island with killua, and would meditate through these while he took a small and deserved break from the world around them. What was the point of worrying when he knew he could fix it?

Killua shot him a small glance and pinched his arm slightly. It surprised Gon how soft and caring Killua could be sometimes. ‘Stop thinking so hard, god knows you’re brain can’t take so much mental exercice’

Gon laughed a bit at that. Even with his biting words, Killua always wore these soft eyes when he told him off. Why am I thinking about his eyes again ? Gon brushed off this question, not knowing what the answer could be. He looked at Killua again, now laying flat on the floor, his limps sprawled out on the carpet. He’d changed positions while Gon was lost in thoughts. And advanced 4 levels on the game he was currently playing, his mind adding unhelpfully. Somehow, he looked even cutter in this position, he actually looked like a kid. Killua was still holding his gaze towards Gon, something like worry and curiosity showing on his face. Maybe he should reply instead of just looking at Killua like a creep.

‘It’s just that it’s been a while since we've got nothing to do. I don’t know, it just feels weird I guess.’

‘Gon, you’re dangerously productive sometimes, you know ?’ Killua still didn’t lower his gaze, and turned on his side fully to give his attention to Gon.

Gon let out a groan at that, he knew that too, but he couldn’t just stay around doing nothing all day. He’d just stay there lost in his thoughts and that was hardly how he wanted to spend his day.

Killua let out a soft sigh and with a fluid, almost delicate motion, got up from the floor to put his console on the bedside table. He then turned to Gon, who was watching him with big, curious honey eyes, and lent out his hand for him to take.

‘We can’t have that, can we?’ Killua said softly while taking Gon's hand and pulling him up on his feet. ‘C’mon, I gotta go to the market to get myself some new clothes, mine have been worn way too much, I think I have holes in them actually from all the training we’ve done lately’

Gon looked down at killua’s outfit, he was right. His v-neck shirt had been clearly worn too much, the white color fading into a more purple one. The shorts had dust all over them and scrapes from the fights at Heaven’s arena. And he realised that at the back of his blue long sleeve shirt, there might have been a hole. Gon looked down at himself, his clothes in the same state as Killua’s. His jacket was extremely dirty, not counting his green shorts were fading into a bubblegum green which definitely didn’t suit him. Yeah, they looked like they emerged from a long and reckless fight. Gon shot him a wide grin.

‘Yeah, we look like we just got out of a mud fight’

Killua snickered at this.He clapped his hands enthusiastically and let out a determined smile. ‘Right, let’s go shopping Gon!’

When killua turned around to go get his stuff muttering a small ‘gotta check how much money we still have tho’. Gon sat on his bed while waiting for him, blood running in his face, a slight blush coming over his features. Killua was so excited right now. Gon always knew he was into fashion, changing outfits at least 3 times since he met him, but he never really saw killua get excited over something so small as to go shopping. He thought he looked just like a kid right now, a smile on his face and sparkling eyes. This made his face grow even pinker, and he took a big and relaxed breath. Why did he get flustered over the smallest things again?

Killua re-entered the room, looking a bit more well put. He combed his hair,Gon thought slightly. Killua’s small curls always tended to get disheveled while he slept, Gon guessed he moved a lot while he was sleeping. He’d remember one time when he’s woke up before Killua, not usually did killua sleep in, so this was a rare occurrence. Gon stayed in bed that day until Killua woke up. He didn’t dare to move, knowing that even the smallest crack could wake him up. When he thought about it, he knew it was an unhealthy habit from Killua, but he never brought it up. He stayed there, looking at his closed eyes, his eyelashes curling slightly over his eyes. His mouth was pushed slightly by his hands that were resting under his face. Killua didn’t really sleep with his head on a pillow gon realised, he preferred curling his head up on his arms. Like a cat.
His eyebrows were relaxed, not showing the frown he was putting up everyday, it was a bit weird, thought Gon. To see Killua relaxed and rested like this. His silver hair was looking so soft in this light, his face looked so calm and his breaths were coming in at a regular pace, moving the blanket slightly when he exhaled.

Gon was blushing so red by then, his eyes taking in all of Killua's form. Why is he so cute? I should wake up earlier than him everyday.

He looked as Killua’s face was rubbed against his palms, his face digging slowly into the sheets. He was slowly waking up. Gon closed his eyes almost immediately, not wanting to be caught staring, although his flushed skin was probably showing he was awake and very,very flustered. Killua rustled out of the sheets a few minutes later, Gon barely heard his steps going to the bathroom, all noise fading out when he heard the door click.

‘Gon, you’re staring’ Said killua in a worried voice. ‘ I really need to take you out or you’re just going to get caught in your thoughts all day aren’t you.’ He let out a small huff, his brows forming a small crest. ‘I didn’t know I took a dog in, come on I’ll take you out on a walk’

Gon flushed hard at that comment ‘I’m not your dog!’ he exclaimed, voice a bit too loud to not sound embarrassed.

‘Sure, if you say so’ He shrugged, looking way too smug in comparison to Gon. That was so unfair. They both walked to the entrance of their hotel room, a determined step in killua’s march. Gon couldn’t lie, Killua’s mood caught up to him. He was getting more and more animated by the idea of shopping.

As killua opened the door, the light of the big, clear windows from the hotel halls bounced off his blue eyes, reflecting a velvet blue that seemed so soft, he could almost reach in to touch it. Somehow, his mind dived deep into the dream he had this morning. No longer was he with Killua, he was captured again in the soft hands of this landscape. This, Gon thought, was worth more than any gold, than any person he ever met. These determined eyes was what Gon called hom-

—

Darkness.

He opened his eyes to darkness.

He hated the dark.

He closed his eyes and opened them again. Was this a dream? Maybe he fell unconscious somehow, that happened pretty often. He looked around trying to discern if he couldn’t see or if he was in a dark place .

Nothing.

He waited for his eyes to adjust, to see something, maybe furniture, maybe another person, maybe an exit he could use to flee from this strange place. Then again, he asked himself where he was, trying to remember anything that could let him understand, even just a bit, the situation he was in.

He heard ragged breaths all around the room.

Was there another person with him ?

He tried focusing his eyes again, to no use. Maybe he turned blind? That was a stupid thought. Gon didn’t remember what had happened before.

At this thought, a cold sensation hit him. He was missing something, he knew that. He was missing a very important factor in this situation. Maybe he’d know how he got here ? If he remembered something, just a small hint, he could make it out of this situation. But nothing came to mind. He tried focusing, closing his eyes in the process.

Suddenly, he realised the breaths grew louder, sometimes interrupting and coming back harder with ragged sounds. He heard gagging. To be honest, these sounds were distracting him a bit, he couldn’t really focus with someone suffocating around him. He knew he was missing something, his instincts flamed up beneath his skin, blood boiling as he still couldn’t figure it out.

He was close to shouting to whoever was gasping loudly.His patience was wearing thin. It didn’t help him, and to be perfectly honest, it sounded more like a dog than anything else.

‘I’m not your dog!’

This voice resonated around the room, loud and unsteady. A flustered face passed through Gon’s mind. A small flash before it was consumed in the darkness again.

What?

That voice right there. It holds so many emotions. As if behind the already loud scream, they were loud emotions. As if Gon could reach behind the letters and pull out a trembling and small meaning.

Emotions.

That’s what he was missing. Gon didn’t feel panicked, or scared, or even anxious. He merely stated the facts. He was in the dark. He needed to get out. Even when someone was suffocating so loudly next to him, Gon didn’t reach out to help, didn’t try to find where the breaths were coming from. Didn’t even ask if said person was okay.

He merely ranked it as something, an inconvenience, to him and his flee and decided to ignore it. Gon wasn’t like that. It was the complete opposite. He felt too much. He hurt too much. He angered himself too much.

Static was ringing out his ears, disconforting warmth enveloping his body. A tremble caught his entire being, forcing him to contract his muscles, he felt a thin sheet. Was he in bed? He felt so trapped and ignorant. He was out of breath.

Realisation is a mean thing.

The breaths were from him. He was suffocating. He was dying. He felt his lungs ache, his heart beating faster than it should ever. His eyes were slowly closing. He shouldn’t close them, he was sure of that. He knew it. He knew if he were to go into his deep sleep again, he might never wake up. He needed to calm down first. He needed to get his thoughts straight.

But then again, maybe this was the end. Dying sick on a bed he didn't even know was his. Dying in the clutches of terrible, terrible pain. Without emotions. Without comfort. Worse than a dog.

‘I’m not your dog!’

His eyes flung open once again, he shot himself out of the thin cloth enveloping him.

Right, he knew where he was. He was with Killua. They went shopping. Went shopping because of the ragged clothes they were wearing. He went shopping because killua liked it. Because he was determined to make killua smile.

A soft smile.

A soft pinch.

Biting words with soft meanings.

He was safe. Safe because wherever he was, killua was there to catch him. Was there to embrace his whole being. He was there when nobody else was. That’s right. Everything was fine because killua was fine. Gon was fine because he was with killua.

Then why did his heart feel like it was stopping?

Why did it feel like he was dying?

No, forget that. He was fine. Because whatever siituation he got in, killua was there to hold him when he was too weak, killua was there to clean after his mes-

‘It’s the same as always’

Who had said that?

‘You run ahead’

Who is he talking about?

‘While I clean up your messes’

Who?

The trembling got worse. He couldn’t breathe. His lungs couldn't take in anymore. His heart stopped. His eyes closed once more. Deep slumber caught up to him. He was floating. Again. All over again. He couldn’t wake up. He got caught, never allowed himself to leave the deep binds of sleep. He couldn’t, wouldn’t wake up from now on. His ribs were hurting. He felt light.

‘But this time i won’t let it slide’

Darkness.

He couldn’t care anymore. Who was that talking to him? It was familiar, he knew it. What was he missing? He felt so helplessly useless right now. Why couldn’t he remember anything? It all felt like a big blur. Like too much for one moment. He honestly never felt the need to give up so hard, like it was pressing his limbs down. Even through his endless pain, at that moment, in that second, nothing felt like it was worth it. Nothing in the entire world could make his care enough to continue. In this dark endless pit. In this unforgivable pain. He slowly let his eyes shut, embracing the absurdity of living. Embracing his last moments. It felt like dying. Maybe god would let him have a nice, comforting thought before he left instead of this confusion washing over him. He thought he could hold more. He honestly did. He thought for a second that he was strong enough to not let go of this easily. Maybe in another life he would die happily.

An endless blue, lines cutting and bleeding out into shades of dark, all tracing a perfect path around vibrant colours. Gray blending in with spots of yellow. Light, porcelain skin embracing the storm. Long, light lashes scattered around his eye line. They looked up at him. They looked at him with an unspoken prayer. A softness Gon never saw before in his life.

Killua

‘I’ll make you apologise’

He’ll make him apologize.

Killua will make him apologize

because he wronged killua

And he wouldn’t die before he’d make it right between them.

‘I’ll apologise’

His hands stopped moving so frantically, leaving only a slight shiver run through his members. His muscles stopped spasming with brutal force. Instead he felt a slight pain tugging at his muscles. Somehow, it was comforting. It made him remember his training days, the ones he and killua shared.

‘I’ll apologise’

He closed his eyes. But this time, not with a doom of emotions, not with the thought of dying. No, he only wished to rest for a while, to regain his focus before coming back into his internal battle.

‘I swear i’ll apologise’

His breathing was regular by now, the room quiet. The only sound was his beating heart, pounding up and down in his chest.

‘I’ll make it up to you’

Chapter 2: Sick

Summary:

Gon is sick :((

Gon woke up feeling lightheaded. 

 

Lightheaded was a massive understatement.

 

He felt as if there was a gigantic pressure exerting on his skull, forcing down its power on his neck and spine. He didn’t get headaches very often and the sudden pain in his head after waking up startled him a bit. He felt sick in a way. His eyes felt like they might pop out at any given time and he felt a slight urge to push down on them. His neck ached strongly, each breath he took sending out a snap of pain down his spine. He shifted his arm and put it to his stomach. This worsened his situation, making him feel nauseous as he slowly started tasting bile in his mouth. 

 

Uh, he was really sick wasn’t he? 

 

He wasn’t used to colds either. He would guess it was because of his connection with nature. Growing up on an island where the weather was brutally warm he didn’t really get sick at any time of the year. Whale island never had snow and the worst weather that could come down on it was summer rain. He guessed the fact that he spent his entire time during his childhood in the forest, living in a harsher environment than usual made him grow certain immunities against illnesses. That was certainly false if he woke up feeling so badly. 

 

So, what was he supposed to do now? The first rational  thought that came to his mind was to wake up and ask Aunt Mito for help. However, just imagining opening his eyes made a new wave of nausea surface so he quickly shut that down. Still, he couldn’t just lay here all day. His second idea was to shout out to Mito, praying she would hear him and come up to check on him. Again, this was turned down fastly in his mind. He was extremely dehydrated - he guessed he didn’t drink water for a long time, a few days at least because he was pretty sure his mouth was as dry as it could get. He wasn’t sure either that Mito could hear him, she usually woke up and went to the market each morning, which means she was out by now. 

 

A flash of awareness passed through his mind. Just what time was it? He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, but he could see a faint light in his room. This struck him. He usually slept with his curtains closed. He couldn’t fall asleep if it wasn’t pitch black. Did Aunt Mito come into his room and open them? If she did then she must have seen in what state he was. 

 

Maybe he should open his eyes and check? 

 

This made him groan. He really didn’t want to open them. The light over his closed eyelids was already making his head hurt so he could barely imagine what pain he was gonna face when he opened his eyes. 

 

Taking a deep breath, he chased all these negative emotions and put all his effort into opening his eyes. 

 

He didn’t realise however that all his effort meant literally no energy. He was really tired wasn’t he? 

 

Still, he managed to half open them. 

 

The first thing he saw was the bright blue carpet that was covering half of his room. Just this contrast to how dark it was before made him half wonder if he should just close his eyes again. No, he made it this far, he wasn’t gonna give up now. 

 

He shifted slightly in his bed, realising he was on his side facing away from the wall, slightly curled up into himself. His spine disagreed with this sudden movement and shot clear shards all along his neck. He let out a soft whine at this. He continued looking around, his eyes unfocusing lightly when he looked outside the window, the strong light leaving ghost imprints along his pupil. It was far too bright to be morning, he must have slept in. Maybe he was just feeling exhausted. 

 

He heard a soft creak coming from his right. 

 

Immediately, his eyes came back into focus, darting quickly to find out where that sound could come from. He moved his head slightly upwards ready to get out of bed quickly if any menace was watching over him. Well, get out as quickly as he could really . God, his mind was unhelpful. 

 

He expected to see an enemy staring down at him, maybe an ant, maybe a Nen user. Instead, he was welcomed by familiar bright, yellow eyes. They were deep with the softness and looked at him with a certain panic. They were slightly glazed over, as if they shed a tear or two not long ago, and there was a smaller darker shadow underneath them. Aunt Mito must be worried. 

 

She clearly didn’t realise he was awake yet, sitting in a chair she pulled up next to his bed. He felt a wave of relief flood through him. Aunt Mito had realised he was sick this morning. Thank god. At that moment, he felt incredibly safe. He could relax and let this illness pass with her at his side, he could finally close his eyes and get that sleep he clearly needed. He was about to say something, to alert her he was awake, to make that worry slowly creep away from her eyes when he heard a shift behind her. 

 

Quickly, his eyes darted behind her delicate figure to find an older man. He was clearly older than her, maybe in his fifties or older. He had white hair and a small beard that crowned his face and made it sharper. Over his nose he had round glasses that were slightly pulled down. He was reading a document. Who was he? 

 

He clearly wasn’t an enemy, Gon felt no clear Nen radiate from his posture. Then why was he looking so worried at that document. In that instance he felt very confused. Mito wouldn’t bring someone she didn’t trust over to him when he was in this state, but he still couldn’t recognise the man. He couldn’t be a friend of Mito’s because Gon knew mainly all of her friends. He didn’t resemble a foreigner that was passing through town, so he wasn’t a merchant or a fisher. So he clearly came here just for Gon. This made his eyebrows scrunch a little. Who could that be… 

 

Understanding came slowly in Gon’s mind. He was sick. Mito got worried. He was the town doctor. Gon scrutinized himself at how slow he got the answer, but he was still glad he got it. 

 

So, clearly he was sick.

 

Lovely. 

 

Finally, he tried sitting up. Tried. Really he just got halfway shifting his arm and tried getting on his elbows before a hot pain shot through his body which made him fall down again. Maybe that wasn’t a very wise move. 

 

Mito moved suddenly at  Gon’s shifting, aware that he was now awake. She moved up from her seat and came close to his side. She stopped slightly lower than where his face was arched and sat down next to the bed on her knees. 

 

‘Good Morning honey’ She took his hand in hers and put her head down on the mattress next to his arm. She was really worried if she was this soft in her actions. 

 

Don’t get him wrong, Mito was an amazing mother. She welcomed him and took care of him when Ging appeared at her front door gifting her Gon. He wouldn't know what to do if he was put into that situation, but mito never hesitated. She took him in and raised him like her own son. She sacrificed her childhood and teenage years to take care of him, and she never blamed him for all the years she wasted. But Mito was only 13 when she took him in and she didn’t really know motherly love that well due to her parent’s passing when she was only a child. So of course she was a bit harsher, with more biting words than usual parents. She would get angry, would pout at Gon,  would hit him on the head when he made a mistake. But still, he could see the infinite love she held towards him. And Gon couldn’t complain, he actually liked her like that. He was an adventurous child, so having a mother that would fuss over him all the time would have led to arguments and fights between them. Instead, Mito would let him wander the forest and let him make mistakes, she would bandage him up when he fell and would hug him afterwards. But the next day she would encourage him to go back outside, to keep exploring, to find himself. And he would be eternally grateful for this. She made him persistent, she made him determined. 

 

For Gon, Mito was a perfect mother. 

 

‘Gon, baby, you’re sick today’ She gave him a light squeeze on his hand, which felt way more comforting than it should. ‘Dr. Thomas is here to make sure you’re alright’ 

 

At this, Gon looked up to see the doctor. He’d come closer than last time and was waving slightly in his direction. He has a nice smile, Gon thought. 

 

‘A pleasure to meet you Gon.’ He bowed his head slightly when he said that. ‘Your mother called me this morning in quite a panic, telling me you had a high fever. I came over quickly and gave you some pain medication to help you with the headache. I suppose you do have one no?’ 

 

Gon nodded his head slowly at that. It was true he was feeling a bit drowsy. Maybe that’s why it took so much energy to wake up. 

 

‘Before I ask you about further symptoms, you’re going to need to drink and eat.’ He looked over his small frame once more. ‘This fever must have took most of your energy’ 

 

Mito glanced at Gon once more and turned her head to the Doctor. ‘I’ll go make something to eat’ She unlaced her hand from Gon’s and got up from her knees, turning fully to the Doctor. ‘Would you care to come down with me doctor? I would need some help with preparing the food.’ 

 

Gon knew that was a lie. Mito knew how to cook so good he believed she could do it with her eyes closed. No, this was a hint she was throwing him to discuss apart from Gon. Was this more than a normal sickness? 

 

She walked towards the door, and gon whined a little from the loss of warmth next to him. Mito shot him a reassuring smile and then got out of the room, the Doctor following closely behind. 

 

When the door closed again, Gon found the emptiness of the room to be quite disarming in a way. He liked it when there was life next to him. Now the room was silent, without any distractions from his thoughts. Gon hated the silence. He hated that he could hear his own heartbeats. He hated the sound his eyelids made when he blinked. The echo followed each time he swallowed. He hoped Mito would be back soon, that whatever they had to discuss wouldn’t take that much time. 

 

He decided he was going to take a quick nap while he waited. Really, it was this or getting dangerously lost in thought. He tried turning, laying flat on his bed on his back. But got quickly reminded of the pain that was cursing his body at the moment, so he laid still. 

 

He thought of soft laughs and feathery touches. He thought of blue oceans and calm waves. He thought delicate white hair he had yet to run his hand in. 

 

He fell asleep quickly with a tender smile draped over his face.

Notes:

Right, so this a shorter chapter compared to the other ones. I really like the idea of going deeper into Gon's and Mito's relationship before continuing with the story (Honeslty it's because I love Mito w all my heart)
I'm thinking of doing next chapter from Mito's perspective and before anyone says I'm getting off-track, I swear the story will continue, I just really want to try to diverse the POV's.
Anyway, Enjoy !!

Chapter 3: Mito

Summary:

We get the perspective of Mito in this one !! Honestly, I just love her so much likee

---

 

The stairs creaked loudly in this house. 

 

That is a detail she would never forget. How they would creak when her mother came up the stairs to wake her up with tender smiles and soft touches. How they would groan under her excited steps towards the kitchen. How they complained in particularly loud when she was chasing and running after Ging. 

 

This house is really old. 

 

That was one of her first coherent thoughts as a child. She remembered that one in particular from when she was a child. She used to see this house as a friend, one with incredible and infinite wiseness. One she could confess to. She loved sitting on the squeaky floor and talk to her about her godawful day at school, she felt like the house was truly listening. Maybe it was because of the long generation of Freecks that lived there. Maybe it was because she was a lonely child. Either way she felt attracted to it. 

 

She still doesn’t know why she felt so betrayed when she rushed downstairs at her grandmother’s screams and the stairs grinded and grated beneath her shoes. They always creaked and squeaked. But that night, when her Grandma got the call that her child died along with her husband, the stairs sounded much harsher, more jarring than anything she had ever heard before. That night, she thought the house was going to give out. She thought it was going to succumb and would let Mito fall down into the abyss of the earth. 

 

That night, she learned to hate that house with all her spirit. 

 

Mito had grown to realise that grief was an ugly thing. Grief for her deceased parents made her scream and cry in sadness. It made her emptier, lonelier, uglier than ever on the inside. It made her want to leave this cursed place. Grief that the one person she thought as a brother left her behind made her punch and kick and grow sharp edges all around herself. Nothing , she thought, nothing could fix this gapping hole that I've learned to hate.  

 

So, when the same head of green hair showed up in front of her door, when those determined honey eyes that had fled away from her came back all at once, she thought she was going to lose it. She was about to send Ging far, far away from her. She was ready to lash out the ugliest words she knew to make him leave as fast as he could. But something stopped her. A being so small, so reassuring stopped her from turning her back to the closest family she still had alive. 

 

It was that soft, smiling baby that made her look Ging in the eye and accept his child. That being was her entire life. Those honey eyes were the reason she surpassed that grief. Because she learned with Gon. She outgrew her sadness with him. She matured and became stronger with him.She would be always, be infinitely grateful to him for taking her out of that deep, deep hole she buried herself in. Without him, she can’t imagine where she would be now. Maybe forgotten. Maybe dead in a ditch somewhere. 

 

Get a hold of yourself Mito. 

 

A cold, cleansing thought that always made her get out of those trances. Right, I need to talk to Dr. Thomas. She pulled her back upwards,and settled her gaze on the Doctor. The food was already made on the counter, and they were both sitting face to face at the kitchen table. 

 

She never really talked with him. Sure, he lived on the island, and she would spot him sometimes at the market she worked at, but she never called him home before. She never got sick often, and if she did, it wasn’t something that important that needed medical assistance. But Gon never in his life got sick. That’s why, when she entered his room ready to slap him on the head for sleeping in, when she opened the curtains and in a swift motion and turned around to see a flustered and trembling Gon, she panicked fast. She ran to his side and put her hand on his forehead. He had a fever. A really big one. No wonder he was shaking like a leaf. She raced downstairs and called the only doctor they had on whale island, and begged him to come as fast as he could. 

 

Fortunately, he didn’t have any other clients for the day, so he rushed at Gon’s side as fast as he could. He checked Gon up and down, as well as he could while he was sleeping anyway. This put an anxious pool in Mito’s guts. Sure, Gon was a deep sleeper, but this Doctor moved his entire body, pushed his arms up and down, opened his mouth, examined his arms. He touched him everywhere and Gon still didn’t wake up. The Doctor raised an eyebrow at this, but didn’t question it. 

 

Her patience was wearing thin, she needed answers now. Obviously, this wasn't something usual. The doctor looked slightly worried, a bit off put. The dread was pooling fast.  She had to know what was wrong with Gon, no matter how bad. She took a deep breath, suck it up Mito and ask already! Finally, she put the sternest look she could and frowned her eyebrows slightly. 

 

‘What is wrong with Gon, Doctor?’ 

 

He left out a sigh and shifted the documents he had in his hands. ‘After reviewing Gon carefully, I noticed several symptoms while he was sleeping.The first one , of course, is a very bad headache. His jaw was very tight when I looked at his face and by how flushed and warm he was, I’m pretty sure it was because of the fever. He has contracted muscles which shows he is experiencing throughout his members and at the end of his neck a could distinguish a slight rash.’ He shifted his documents once again, pulling his glasses upwards as he read for several seconds. 

 

‘Miss Mito, your son has the flu’  

 

That- 

 

That was it ?? 

 

Okay, the flu may be uncomfortable and may not be the easiest sickness, but Mito was expecting far worse than the flu . God, I’m one of those fussy mothers aren’t I? , she thought bitterly. She let out a tense sigh and relaxed her shoulders, not realising before how rigid they were all this time. 

 

‘Thank god Doctor, I must be honest with you I thought this was going to be a worse illness’ She blushed slightly at this and looked down. ‘I mean, you were wearing a pretty serious face all this time Doc.’ 

 

His brows furrowed and even though he seemingly didn’t look panicked, he still looked tense. ‘Actually, I still have a few worries about Gon’s state.’ 

 

At this, all the anxiousness she felt before came back thenfolds. She must have known this wasn’t the end. What was going on? 

 

‘You see, the flu is often contracted by being near a person that has the flu or by touching infected areas.’ He took a sip of tea before continuing. ‘However, your son hasn’t touched nor have been next to anyone that could have it. This island hasn’t had a patient that contracted the flu in at least a few months so Gon couldn’t have had it this way.’ 

 

Mito opened her eyes wider at this ‘But he has been traveling lately. He came back from his last mission 2 or 3 weeks ago.’ 

 

‘If he caught it during his travels, the virus wouldn’t have waited this long before acting on his body, he would’ve shown symptoms earlier on.’ 

 

Mito still looked at him with confused eyes. Who cares how he got it ? The important thing is that it’s only the flu and it can be fixed. So why did Mito have a bad feeling about this? Why was she so worried? 

 

‘Miss Mito, I have reasons to believe your son suffered a dangerous panic attack last night, causing him to fall ill this morning. This is not as usual as it seems. Sure, most people feel anxiety and panic once in a while or even more. But to contract an illness that would leave the patient in bed for a few days afterwards is not normal.’ 

 

Panic ? 

 

‘Furthermore, Gon seems as if he does not recollect the events of last night. My most probable guess is that he woke up and started dissociation which led him into a state of panic and confusion. This made his autoimmune system weaken and allowed him to get sick in the morning.’ 

Dissociation, panic, confusion.

 

These words turned around Mito’s head. Dissociation. They left a sharp knife into her heart. Sure, she still gets lost in thoughts from time to time, but to fall sick from it ? That’s not oka- 

 

Panic 

 

Gon woke up last night. He probably cried. He probably screamed. He probably felt so scared and small and lost. And Mito had not been there. 

 

I wasn’t there. 

 

Mito had been sleeping without a worry, not knowing that her only light in this world was in great pain next door. What kind of mother was she? He woke up, not knowing where he was and Mito did nothing !? 

 

You can’t even protect him.

 

No, she needed to focus on the moment. Somehow, she wasn’t listening anymore. It all felt like a blur. She was lost. 

 

He needed you, and you weren’t there. 

 

It all felt like too much. She needed to take him in her arms. This wasn’t normal, this wasn’t okay. He probably felt so scared. 

 

At this rate, everyone you love will die. 

 

She’s right. If she can’t help her son, who will she help? 

 

No one. 

 

Because you’re not smart like Ging. You’re not strong like Gon. You’re just in the background, looking, feeling, but doing nothing to help people. 

 

She needed to take a grip. She needed to calm down, to take these emotions away. She needed to focus on getting Gon better, mentally and physically. She closed her eyes slowly, took a breath, and opened them again. 

 

She didn’t realise the Doctor stopped talking, probably letting her absorb the information. She was thankful for that. She felt cold. She probably looked pale too. It was a lot, but nothing she couldn’t bottle up. She’ll open that bottle when she’s ready. When Gon is alright and she isn’t focused on getting him to be better. She just needs to get a hold of herself. Slowly she put her hands on her thighs. This movement always helped to ground her, to remember she had responsibilities. She straightened her back, took a minute to look around the kitchen. 

 

3,...2,...1, and breathe

 

‘Doctor, I’ll talk to Gon about that and trust me I won’t let it slide’ She squeezed her thighs slowly. ‘I know he had to go through some ugly things, he’s a hunter you see’

 

Slowly, she looked up, eyes sparkling with a determination 

 

‘But I need to focus on getting him better, to get that fever away. Afterwards, I’ll sit him down and I’ll make him talk.’ Her arms gripped harder. 

 

‘I just want him to be better.’ That came in a slightly lower voice. 

 

The silence was suffocating, so much that Mito thought she said something horribly wrong and upset the doctor. Maybe she still didn’t know how to be mature. She knew she looked like a kid right now, curled upon herself, seconds away from crying out her eyes. 

 

Still, Gon needed help and she wasn’t  going to let him down. No, she’ll strap him into a chair and make him talk his heart out and then she’ll take him in her arms and never let him go. No, Mito wasn’t clingy, she just needed to see Gon smile again and then, she would let him go. She would let him live his life, outside of these closed island walls. 

 

The doctor let out a soft chuckle ‘That’s sounds more like you Mito’ He had a bright smile on his face. ‘Right, i’ll give you a prescription of all the medicine he will need for the following week. Make sure he’s put on bed rest and give him warm food’ 

 

He got up from his chair, packed his documents and went to open the door. Before opening it and leaving, he turned around to Mito with soft eyes and a comforting look. 

 

‘I am sure you will get Gon back on his feet Mito’ He laughed at that ‘ The entire island knows how ruthless you are. You have quite the reputation around here’ 

 

And with that he left. 

 

Mito was still sitting in her chair when the door closed. Slowly, a small smile appeared on her face, warm eyes fixed downwards at her clenched fists. 

 

‘Of course I’ll get him better Doc.’ 

 

With that she pulled a quick breath in and pulled out her chair. She got up, went to the counter and grabbed a glass of water in her left hand, and the omelet she prepared before in her right. She made sure to balance them right so as to not make them fall when she went up the stairs. She succeeded in the end. 

 

Opening the door to Gon's room was harder but she still managed, getting in with hurried steps putting the food on his bed side table and the glass next to it. She looked down at Gon, a wave of worry bleaching her lungs, making her stay still in front of him for a while. She looked at him with an intensity she only found in difficult moments. 

 

Gon shifted and let out a small sigh. 

 

She put her hand on his forehead. Still boiling, she notes. Right, the priority was to make him better, not to stay here doing nothing just rotting away in worry. She clapped her hands as if to motivate herself, but quickly regretted it when she remembered Gon was sleeping next to her. She looked down quickly and fortunately Gon didn’t wake up that easily. He resembles his father on this one. 

 

She went to the bathroom, filled an empty bucket with cold water and drowned a white hand towel in it. She dragged it back to Gon’s room and set the bucket next to the foot of the bed while putting the drenched, cold, towel on his forehead. 

 

She went back into her bedroom and quickly grabbed the first book she saw on her bedside table. She didn’t even glance at the title. She needed a distraction and quickly. Her hurried steps echoed throughout the empty house. She hated it when it was this silent. When she reached Gon’s room again, she quietly closed the door behind her. The light was slowly fading and changing colours as it went into a small sunset at the end of the island. It was getting late. 

 

She sat down slowly next to him and began reading. 

 

She tried mainly. 

 

Who was she kidding, she couldn’t read right now. 

 

Her mind was filled with worrying thoughts, turning and churning her mind away. She could bottle her emotions in front of someone but it got harder to ignore them when she was alone. What if Gon wouldn’t want to talk to her? What if he didn’t trust her? What if he decided Mito was fussing too much and blocked her out? That would certainly end her. Honestly, she knew letting him go to that Hunter exam was a bad idea. 

 

Still,deep inside of her she didn’t really mean that. She knew he had to go out of this island one day. And that he had to realise how mean and empty the world was really. And she couldn’t lie she was glad that he came back alive, that even if he lived through horrible things he came back alive to her. 

 

Maybe that was selfish. 

 

She couldn’t care less. 

 

Mito had realised how cruel the world was before even leaving the island. She knew just how disappointing everything could be before seeing more than the 4 walls of her house. She knew it, and she was scared of it. In all honesty, she had thought many times about leaving. She had thought about running away with all the sailors that asked her out. She had thought about taking that boat with only a to go ticket and never coming back. She had the money for it. Maybe she could go to York Shin, buy an apartment there, find a nice guy and make herself some friends. She had many fantasies like this everyday. She would lay awake at night thinking about it. 

And yet, Gon is much younger than her, and he decided he was going to pack his bags and go. Leave and meet his father. And he wasn’t scared. And he did it. 

 

Maybe,...

 

Just Maybe, 

 

After Gon is better. 

 

After everything returns to normal 

 

Maybe I could leave this place. 

 

Mito knew it well, she grew tired of this island long ago. She’d lost hope in it. She’d lost so many things in this house. Even though she’d gained Gon. Even though they had so many memories that made her who she was now, even then she found she had equally bad ones. And on the days when she was alone and lost in her thoughts, it was so much easier to get lost in the bad memories instead of the good ones. 

 

She loved this place as much as she hated it. She knew it was unreasonable. She knew it was selfish. But she was young too. And any young person needs to leave at some point. Maybe she was a little bit behind. 

 

But she’ll find her way somehow. 

 

She walked over to Gon, and softly kissed him on the cheek. He was warm and flushed, but she didn’t care. She’ll get sick for sure. 

 

When he woke up a few hours later, he chugged his food and water down, and even if he smiled weakly at Mito, she’d promise herself that she was going to make him smile like before. 

 

Gon then promptly passed out after that and went back to sleeping. Mito laid down right beside him, took his hand and they both fell asleep to an early summer sunset. 

Notes:

Okay so this one was a fun one to write.
I felt like I needed to write smt from Mito because clearly she's one of the warmest characters in HxH.
Honeslty, I wrote this also because I think Mito has a really, really sad past and I wanted to appreciate her for a bit.
I think the next update will be more centered on Gon and him trying to find out how to fix things.
But I still have to plan it so we'll see
Also, very important, that fact about the flu was totally fake :( I just needed a way to show how anxious Gon could get without making him look like he was going to die. So plz don't trust me on any biology facts bc i am clearly failing that class

Don't forget to take care of yourselves and drink water !!

Chapter 4: Healing

Notes:

Okay so this chapter got longer than expected. This was supposed to be a smaller chapter compared to the other ones but I ended getting off-track while writing it. This is a really slow burn if u hadn't noticed.
Anyway, Enjoy!!

 

 

The last week had been dangerously boring for Gon. 

 

Gon had always been an active child, never being able to sit down for long periods and do simply nothing. So having a cold that made him stay in bed for a week was a challenge for him. The first 3 days after the doctor’s visit Gon barely even managed to get out of bed. He wondered if it was normal to be this drained because of the flu, and clearly it wasn’t because Mito’s worry grew tremendously big by the day. He never saw Aunt Mito looking this troubled in his life. She would stay with him day and night, only leaving the bedroom to make lunch or dinner. 

 

 Honestly, Gon was worried about Mito. There was a sort of tension never leaving her shoulders, leaving them straight and rigid, and when she trailed her eyes over his weak frame, he could see her frown deepening. He tried joking about it one day, something along the lines of ‘Mito, I think your hair might turn white if you keep being worried like this’. It ended in her slapping him quite harshly over the head and lecturing him on how to treat a lady. At least she still grounded him. The thought was slightly reassuring to Gon. 

 

Eventually, she called Dr.Thomas again to check if everything was still alright with Gon. The doctor came over surprisingly quickly and started an examination on Gon. This was especially annoying as Gon could barely move out of his bed, let alone move his limbs to be examined. Still, they made it work somehow, Mito holding his arm out when the doctor checked his rash, or pushing his shirt upwards for him to listen to his pulse.

 

The doctor stayed silent all this time, only humming or making interesting sounds. It didn’t seem like anything too serious, but the quietness made Gon and Mito weary of what was about to happen. He stepped back, glanced at Gon up and down and then let out a soft laugh. It couldn’t be that bad if he was laughing? He wrote off some last details on his document and turned around to look at them. 

 

‘Gon, there’s something that explains why you have been this drained in the past few days’ He took off his glasses, wiped them and put them back up on his nose. The suspense was clearly not helping him, but he thinks the Doctor got a kick out of it doing it anyway. 

 

‘You’re extremely overworked’ 

He explained that due to the fact that Gon had just returned from a mission and that he didn’t have enough rest when he arrived on Whale island, his body took this sickness as a way to replenish the energy it needed. 

 

Basically, Gon was in Burn Out. 

 

Huh, guess even Hunters have burn outs sometimes. 

 

Still, after the Doctor left, Gon had felt disturbingly empty and silent. Mito took it as him being tired and asked him to lay down for a bit while she was going down to cook some dinner. He tucked himself deeper in his sheets and glared for a while at the white wall, not being able to fall asleep. 

 

Honestly, it came as a shock. He never realised how much energy he put during that Chimera Ant mission. He guessed that was a stupid thought, he was basically running around training and fighting for weeks on end. But looking back to it, the amount of physical work equaled his training during Greed island and he wasn’t feeling particularly drained after they finished it. No, he even enjoyed it. A small blush painted his already red cheeks. It really had been the happiest he was, training and laughing around with Killua. This made him heat up harshly, maybe he should stop thinking about that lest he would want to die of overheating. 

 

But this question kept on turning around his mind. Had he really not realised how tired he was while he was in NGL ? Was he that lost? This made a cold shiver run up his spine, wincing slightly at the ghost pain that followed after. Now that he thought about it, Gon didn’t remember much at all. 

 

He remembered Kite. Remembered his jarred skin, his laboured breathing. He remembered the way his body contorted itself in the most inhuman ways when he moved. The slight retch of flesh and blood filling the room. That moment, he remembered it well. There was a disgusting silence wearing over that entire dungeon. It felt absorbing, like it could eat Gon’s body and mind out. When he got there, his eyes darken. He was absolutely wiped out by everything else. Maybe he lost his mind that night. He’d had so much anger in him, and for the first time in years, he didn’t use it to embellish or grow his determination like he had done in the past. He didn’t use it to give him a goal, to make him work hard, to make him think harder.  No, he just left it there, to rot and boil his insides. To slowly eat out his mind, replacing every coherent thought with that repulsive silence. It could make a person mad. He knew it. It had been all too repellent. All too real for him.

 

He remembered two concise things after that night. Kite’s appearance - His long white hair that had been so healthy, so shiny when he first met him and that now looked as if it could fall out if someone tugged hard. His rotting muscles and the smell they gave off. Gon thought his skin looked like it was about to fall, leaving the skulls of a dead marionette behind. And the thing that haunted him the most, the one sight that fuelled his nightmares the most were those pitch black eyes. It was as if looking in a void, a pit ridden of all emotions. They were off -putting. That was the only word that could describe them. Every time that image flashed in Gon’s mind, it made him gag. Made him retch like a closed animal. A caged one terrified to see death in the eyes. He wasn’t wrong though. Those eyes were dead. And he convinced his poor, sickened mind that they were alive. But deep inside of him, he knew that had been a lie. 

 

And when he smiled widely at Killua, telling him they were going to bring Kite back, he knew that was a lie as well. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t make anything out. Maybe he showered himself in lies and couldn’t tell the difference between the reality and his dreams back there. 

 

He was such a coward. 

 

The second thing he could remember from his mission was when he had killed Nefferupito. 

 

He looked at his hand, clenched it and opened it back up. If he squinted his eyes hard enough, he could still see her nauseating blue blood over his knuckles. He had beaten her to death, and had continued even after her last breath.

 

At that time, it was all a blur. He had felt an incredible power come within himself, as if he could feel his life expand beyond any human limits. He had told himself it was  that rage that he let sizzle and decay within his stomach that made him this strong. He was told later it was a Nen-contract that made him gain such power. 

 

But when he looked back to it, he knew it was his anger that made him this strong. It didn’t feel all that strange within himself. He knew he had felt it before. He knew he had felt that need to kill, and to torture before. He was familiar with this emotion. Yes, he felt it even prior to gaining his knowledge about Nen. He had sensed the same wave when he learned what Illumi had done to Killua. When he woke up after the hunter exam was finished, when he learned that Killua had to go through that he simply wasn’t there to help him. He lost it. He really did. It was the first time he wanted to kill someone. He guessed he let that bottled emotion out of Nefferupito. It wasn’t only his anger against what she did to Kite. No, it was his anger against Illumi, against his father. His anger was towards how useless he was against all of those. 

 

Maybe he was just weak. Maybe he should just disappear instead of just standing around losing control of himself like this. Mayb-

 

A soft hand on his shoulder. 

 

A harsh voice that seemed to embrace his entire body. 

 

‘Gon’ 

 

All the rage disappeared quickly after that.  

 

It had been the same back then hadn't it? Throughout that entire hell there had only been one thing that let him get to his normal self. That cleansing touch. That clear and severe voice that got him to calm down almost instantly. Right before entering NGL, while showing his power to Morel, there had been one moment of calm in that storm. 

 

Killua’s presence. 

 

Looking back to it, that was the moment he felt the most serene in that entire mission. But before he knew it, he and Killua parted ways, and he quickly let that void in his mind fill him whole again. He startled at that thought, shooting his eyes wide open. Had that been really the only time he felt safe in these past few months? He didn’t realise how out of it he had been throughout this all. No wonder he didn’t remember shit from that mission. He was tense and panicked and blocked off from the moment the mission started. All this because he hadn’t been by Killua’s side? It’s true, they barely saw each other for months, and even if they were working together, Gon can’t remember the last time they shared a normal conversation in NGL. They hadn’t shared friendly banter in at least 3 months.  

 

He bit his tongue at that reminder. Hard and strong so that he could feel a hot pain traveling down his throat. This grounded him a bit, even if the dizziness replied with much more force. He let out a small groan and pressed his forehead to the white wall, hoping to get some coolness out of it. It didn’t help much. 

 

A small memory flashed before his eyes. 

 

---

 

They had just gotten out of the unbearably cold water, both shivering strongly with a thin towel around them. Even if Whale island could be horribly warm sometimes, the ocean that surrounded it never seemed to get warmer. 

 

When Gon was a child, he used to hate getting in the water. He remembered how Mito tried getting him the water. She’d pack their swimsuits and would drag him up to the beach. She’d never push him in the water, or try to force him into it, she would just stay patiently behind him while he was watching the deep blue wave rolling over themselves. He didn’t get the courage to  dive in until he was six. That day he had broken a deep mental barrier he had ingrained in his brain for a long time. He had sucked in a deep breath and started walking decisively towards the sea. The water was especially cold, making him tremble and shutter when a tall wave lunched in his way. He’d walked until the water started to calm down, not sending such hard waves his way. He couldn’t touch the ground anymore. He looked around him and could barely see Mito walking his way, it was so dark around him. 

 

That experience had been awful, the dark around him engulfing him while he was totally out of control. He wasn’t an especially good swimmer so he could barely hold in front of those large rushes of water, getting carried away farther from shore every time. He felt a rippled anxiety tug at his heart. He was scared to drift away, to get completely lost within something so dark, so big he couldn’t control any of it. Mito took him by the arm and swam with him until they reached their towels again. The memory still left goosebumps on Gon’s skin, hating that feeling with all his gut. 

 

He turned towards killua, trying to snap out of his thoughts and focus his mind towards those big blue pearls looking at him. He should start a conversation he thought internally, slowly fiddling between what topics he could bring up. But Killua beat him to it, not lowering his gaze any lower. 

 

‘You get lost in your thoughts often’ Killua stated. He was right also, Gon had a very bad habit of getting intertwined in his mind too often. 

 

The green haired boy let out a surprised hum to this comment. He didn’t wait to particularly dive into this topic, thinking back to all the times he grounded himself for doing that. 

 

Surprisingly, Killua didn’t take the hint instead pushing on the subject. ‘What are you thinking about all the time?’ His tone softened and he spoke quietly, voice so low only Gon could hear it. 

 

It felt out of place to hear him like this. Killua was usually loud and confident, and sometimes even bratty but mainly as a joke. This meant he was either genuinely curious or concerned. Gon couldn’t make out which one it was. 

 

‘Mainly memories’ He answered vaguely. He tried mimicking the other’s tone but couldn’t get it quite so emotional.  

 

‘Bad ones or good ones?’ 

 

God, he was relentless wasn’t he? He usually liked these deeper conversations with Killua, feeling sometimes as if he was letting out a bit of vulnerability from that blue eyed mask. This made Gon feel special, he liked being the one Killua could be most comfortable with. It’s probably you imagining it snapped his mind quickly, this made him wince slightly. 

 

‘Both actually,’ He took a deep breath. He didn’t want to do this. Killua and him had an amazing day and he didn’t want to ruin the mood. He couldn’t get all moody after such a nice evening, no I can’t dampen the mood, this’ll ruin everything. 

 

‘But mainly the good ones, and the bad ones are pretty laughable at. I mean, it isn’t serious or anything, it’s more like remembering a scene or a light emotion.’ 

 

He hoped this had lifted the mood. Somehow he felt as if he miss-stepped along the way. Killua moved his head slightly to the right, facing the deep water instead. Gon felt a chill run up his spine but not from the cold, he felt surprisingly empty without those navy eyes looking his way. Gon turned to watch the waves too. They were roaring and pushing against each other, leaving loud sounds echoing throughout their tense silence. Gon kept staring at them, watching their forceful fighting. He wasn’t cold anymore, their towels had come in handy in drying them. He felt oddly warm compared to how he was a few minutes ago. He shifted slightly in his place, his body bumping against soft and warm skin. 

 

He looked down quickly, freezing up for a second when he realised his and Killua’s bodies were pressed tightly together. They’re elbows and shoulders were touching, the silver haired boy had curled up slightly against Gon and was giving off waves of warmth. 

 

Gon blushed. 

 

Badly. 

 

How had he not realised ?! His bodies were touching since they got out of the water. This didn’t happen often as Killua seemed a little skittish towards touch, always avoiding hugs or slight holds. But right now they were basically holding each other, wrapped together closely, almost intimately. Stop it Gon, it’s probably just because he was cold. For god’s sake do not read into something that has no meaning!! 

 

He kept trying to reassure himself, leaving snappish remarks all around his brain, but still he could not keep the red out of his face. He felt his cheek get hotter meaning his blush was spreading if it was even possible. He probably looked like a mess right now. 

 

So, so humiliating 

 

He felt some movement next to him. Killua was still looking in front of him, seemingly perplexed by the rolls of the water. His face didn’t show much, his features being a gentle balance between seeming curious and lost in thought. His cheeks were slightly pink and his eyes were unfocused, irises looking far away somehow. Gon felt a wash of calmness overtake him. Killua always had that effect on him, a storm that felt gentle to his touch. 

 

Killua sighed and closed his eyes slowly. He aligned his head upwards ,curls moving delicately with his face. His mouth twisted sheepishly and settled on a small pout. With leisurely movements he tilted his neck to the side and rested his silver hair on Gon’s shoulder. 

 

‘I hate it when you lie to me.’ 

 

His voice had been so soft, so small it felt like Killua was whispering a secret. The words travelled slowly through his ears, leaving delicate imprints all over his soul. It felt like he said them just for Gon. Like they meant so much more than only words. 

 

Maybe he was dreaming. 

 

No, he still felt Killua's presence over his figure. 

 

He sensed his heart being softly pulled and held tightly around his ribcage, leaving a warm feeling around his chest. 

 

They didn’t talk for the rest of the evening, leaving their touch to be the only conversation needed between them. 

 

---

 

This did not make his fever any better. 

 

Surprisingly. 

 

He muffled his face into the pillow. Why am I thinking about it now ? The events of that night were never brought up afterwards between the two. it  had been for the better, Gon’s heart could not have borne that conversation. 

 

Still, this memory felt so far away. It had been before all that mess with the phantom troop. Thinking about it, so much had passed in between then. It felt almost surreal to Gon. He didn’t say they didn’t have any more happy memories after that night, he had plenty of examples to say off his head. But it all just felt out of reach in a way. 

 

Gon knew it. Him and Killua got farther and farther away by the day. The events after the chimera ant war were never talked about, leaving a large and bleeding wound around his heart. Gon liked to believe that if they talked about it they could resolve it. But it felt like so much more. 

 

He felt incapable. 

 

Really, really useless against this situation.

 

He pushed his head farther into the pillow, making it harder to breathe. He started right ahead, somehow seeking answers. He felt like the wall was mocking him. He shifted around in his bed, letting his head fall against the cold mattress. He shut his eyes hard and clenched his fist into balls before letting fall flat against his body 

 

He had fucked up. 

---

 

In only a few days, Gon was feeling so much better. 

 

He had gained most of his energy back and could move with much more fluidity than before. Honestly, he was so grateful he only had to stay 5 days in bed - 3 in which he was barely conscious, sleeping all the time. If he had stayed more he might have gone insane. It was nice to know that Gon could heal from an injury and an illness pretty fast. 

 

So it was completely natural that by the fifth day of rotting in that bed he couldn't shake the need to get up and walk around the island. He needed that breath of fresh hair. 

 

He got up, got dressed up in his normal clothes and pulled his boots tight around his ankles. He made a note to thank Mito for having sown back his green jacket and using his favourite detergent to wash away all the dust. Really, it looked almost new. He walked quickly down the stairs to say goodbye to Mito and to inform her he was going out for the day. It was morning, so she was probably making breakfast now. He could already smell the pancakes. It meant she was in a good mood today. He entered the kitchen and dragged a chair back, making a loud creaking sound that echoed around the kitchen. Mito gasped at that and turned around quickly, her kitchen pan still in hand. 

 

He was a bit shocked when she ran by his side and gave him a very hard punch with the spatula over his head. A bit more surprised when she took him by the collar with an unnaturally quick speed and dragged him up the stairs in a second. He was completely powerless against her fury when she hauled him in the bed and started screaming at him. 

 

‘Gon, I won’t repeat it, you are going to stay in this bed until I say so.’ She was fuming by now. ‘And if I see you outside of these sheets again, I swear to god you are going to be grounded for the next 5 months’ 

 

Gon dared to answer back. Bad idea.

 

‘But Mito, I’m clearly better by now and honestly I don’t even feel sick anymore. I only want to go out for a small wal-’ 

 

She shot him a thunderous glare.

 

‘You don’t decide if you’re better Mr. I’vegonneandoverworkedmyself.’ 

 

Ow, that comment hurt a bit. ‘I decide it because clearly someone should take care of you’ 

 

Even though she was screaming at Gon, he could see a small softness in her eyes. Mito could ground pretty harshly, but when he had that look on her face it meant she was slightly hesitating. It’s now or never. Gon sat up slowly from the bed and fixed Mito with the best puppy eyes he ever furnished before. Now it was only a gamble to see if they had actually worked.

 

He looked closely to Mito, still holding his perfectly round honey eyes. 

 

She looked back fiercely. 

 

She couldn’t take his puppy eyes, and Gon knew it. He was ready to exploit any weakness Aunt Mito showed right now. He was losing his sanity by not being able to go outside. 

 

He pushed a bit harder, a small tear forming at the edge of his glistening eye. 

 

She frowned slightly, her mouth twisting into a small pout. 

 

Victory!!

 

‘Fine, you’ll get out of this bed’ 

 

Finally, he could reconnect with Whale island. God he was so excited. He could go fishing, and run around the forest. He could even see how much taller Kon had gotten. His head filled with different plans, already knowing how he was going to spend the next few weeks. 

 

‘Only if Doctor Thomas can swing by and give me the confirmation you are going to be alright.’ 

 

Gon deflated at that.  

 

Mito quickly ushered out of the room, ready to go downstairs and give out that call. The second the door snapped shut, Gon gave out a loud, temperamental groan and dived back fully onto his bed.

 

He knew he couldn’t do anything to stop Mito from calling the Doctor. He got his stubbornness from someone. But he couldn’t shake off the worry that built up in his chest. Gon knew they weren’t incredibly wealthy, and sometimes Mito could struggle with money. He would remember clearly the way she sat, hunched over the kitchen table with piles of papers staring right back at her. Back then he couldn’t really do anything to help her out. He was a kid, he couldn’t get money and couldn’t do paperwork too. 

 

But now Gon had money - even if he couldn’t help with the paperwork yet he wanted to help Mito out financially. He had tried talking with her about it once, and that didn’t end well for both of them. She kept grumbling something on the lines of ‘I’m a grown woman Gon, I don’t need help from a 14 year old’. Anyway, he told himself to push this topic to later. He didn’t really feel like getting a spatula thrown in his face. 

 

Calling Doctor Thomas and wasting money on something as unimportant as checking if Gon could move out of bed yes or no was completely useless. He opened his eyes harshly and glared at the ceiling. Gon didn’t even think it was such an important sickness, Mito was probably just feeling fussy over him because he had been away for such a long time. Sure, he never got sick before, but it was bound to happen in his life. He had a weird healing capacity, but that doesn't mean he was invincible as well. He’d just have to show Mito that is was a stupid illness and then go back to his norma- 

 

His eyes unfocused fastly, a sharp inhale of breath put a sharp halt to his thoughts. 

 

Beep… Beep… Beep…

 

There was darkness all around him, he couldn’t open his eyes, his eyelids feeling unbelievably heavy. There was a steady sound to his right. He tried moving, but to no avail, his body wasn’t responding. It felt as if he’d just woken up from a tired sleep. He didn’t feel any energy cursing through his body, the only sign of life in his body being the weak echo of his thoughts.  

 

Where was he? 

 

He needed to focus, needed to obtain as much information as he could. He tried recognising any familiar smells around him, trusting his nose and its acute details to help him find a hint. Instead, he realised he couldn't really tell if he was breathing yes or no. 

 

Of course you are breathing idiot, you’d be dead if you weren’t. 

 

He knew that, still he couldn’t really feel anything. Not even his body laying on any surface of any kind. Was he floating? Again, stupid question. But he couldn’t help it. He felt so far away, as if the only thing left of him was his mind, curling itself up in this shell of a body. Was he dying? 

 

A muffled voice pulled him out of his trance. Was someone speaking to him? No, they were too far away. The words came out quietly, he couldn’t really make anything out of that conversation. 

 

Then, a sharp halt of breath. 

 

‘But this time I won’t let it slide’ 

 

Consciousness took him over before he could understand the stranger’s last word. 

 

W-who had that been? 

 

Small tears were building up at the edge of Gon’s eyes. He made a swift gesture to dry them out. He was still facing upwards, towards the white ceiling. 

 

He shot up quickly from where he had been laying, sitting harshly at the edge of his bed. He put both of his feet on the cold floor and let his head hang downwards looking sharply at the floor. 

 

He tried not to think about it, pushing these thoughts away as he took deep breathes, in and out, in a steady rhythm. He ignored just how wildly his heart was beating, a thunderous sound echoing in his ears. He ignored the tears that were quickly piling up in his eyes, quickly whipping away any evidence that would be about to drip down his cheek. 

 

Has he been sick before?

 

The door suddenly snapped open directly to Gon’s left. Not having heard anyone approach, Gon flinched hard and snapped his head back with a hiss. The sudden entrance startled him, making him lose his steady breath. He felt his ribcage move harshly against his skin, his lungs felt surprisingly heavy, as if they were made of iron. He quickly looked at Mito, his eyes closely resembling a glare. He never did that. Glared at Mito like a caged animal. He needed to get a hold of himself. 

 

Mito didn’t notice him at first, keeping her gaze steady on the Doctor’s. Even if he had shot a small glance in his way, Go didn’t think he could see the panic that was slowly setting in his bones. He closed his eyes once more, trying to relax his shoulders slightly. They were still a bit tense, but this sudden shift in weight made him feel more at ease in a way. 

 

‘I’m sorry for the quick phone call Doctor.’ She looked at Gon for a small second, eyes trailing around his frame before turning on her heel and spinning to watch the Doctor again 

 

‘Don’t worry about it Mito, I’m sure you have your reasons to be so worried’ He set down his suitcase on Gon’s desk and opened it with a loud snap. 

 

That conversation felt oddly… personal. Gon felt like he was out of the loop, not knowing exactly what made the Doctor look so fondly towards Mito. He glanced up at Mito again, she was standing near the doorway, facing the Doctor’s back. She looked tired, yes, but somehow lighter, she must have understood that Gon was doing better. 

 

Well, not especially better. Were those weird day-dreams a symptom of the flu? He can try to find the answer to it later. Surely not by asking Dr.Thomas, clearly he would snitch back anything he would say to Aunt Mito and Gon didn’t want to worry her with his eerie fantasies. 

 

He didn’t realise the doctor had pulled out a stethoscope out of his bag and was moving closer towards the bed. Gon started at how little distance there was between them now, not being ready for human contact yet. He felt unnaturally jumpy right now. Mito raised an eyebrow in his direction trying to get his attention. Gon only spared her a small glance before focusing entirely on the towering figure walking slowly over him. He felt Mito’s scrutinizing eyes in the background, he felt almost examined by her. He didn’t like that look. 

 

‘Listen Doc…’ She stopped him before starting the examination, making him halt his hand in midair. ‘I just think you should give Gon a quick look-over. He doesn’t look sick to me anymore, he’s clearly back to normal’ 

 

It was the doctor’s turn to raise an eyebrow at her. He straightened up and put his hands into his white coat. He took a small step back and crouched down to Gon’s level. This routine felt oddly familiar in Gon’s eyes. It was what Gon used when he tried to catch a small animal. Gon let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and focused his eyes straight on the Doc. 

 

Were they really giving him space ? 

 

I mean sure he wasn’t feeling that good about being examined, but to the point the Doc. had to actually step back? Maybe he didn’t realize how scared he looked if they had realised his feelings. Gon tried to ground himself slightly at how blatantly he let his emotions show, but instead felt a warmth blooming inside his chest. He felt… surprisingly grateful. 

 

The Doctor hummed at bit and turned around to face Mito. 

 

‘Well Mito, you know you’re boy the best,’ He chucked softly at that. ‘If you think he’s like himself and you are sure he’ll be fine, everything should go back into a usual routine’ 

 

Huh, 

 

He expected more fight from him. 

 

Mito let out a relaxed breath at that, finally that dark shadow caging her seemed like it was dissipating a bit. 

 

‘What are you waiting for?’ She shot him a wry look and pulled up her toothiest grin ‘Get out of my sight before I catch you and hug you for the rest of your life.’ 

 

This put a surprised smile on Gon’s lips. He jumped out of where he was sitting on his bed and quickly ran over to Mito. He halted only a few centimeters from her and then promptly took her by the shoulders and went in for the hug. Mito stilled a bit at that - she usually did that when Gon touched her out of nowhere - But then relaxed herself into his grip and lowered her head on his shoulder. This pulled Gon’s lips upwards. 

 

They parted from their hug a few seconds later, taking this chance to run out into the hallway and race down to get outside before Mito could catch him.