Work Text:
money is power.
...which is why lex luthor was quickly bailed from prison. really, who cares about morals when you have the money?
answer: twitter dot com!
lex luthor, disguised like three kids in a trench coat, began to undo his costume once he reached his top-floor condo overseeing metropolis. although lex was free, luthorcorp was in absolute shambles. literally, they didn't even have a headquarters anymore.
anyway, he grabbed the last remaining of his three phones (one was confiscated in prison, two he "kept safe" with ultraman, and three kept as backup in his condo) out of the bathroom cabinet, hopefully to send a mass email to notify his (now, very few) employees of his return, but what caught his disturbingly blue gaze?
answer: twitter dot com!
his notifications were full of mean messages from twitter. usually yeah he did get a lot of hateful DMs (usually pertaining to his smooth dome!) but there were at least five times the amount he usually gets. and the more he read, the angrier he got, in his frustration he took a picture of the skyline and uploaded it with the caption
"the haters dont have this view though"
over the next hour, he refreshed every other second, witnessing countless ratios and getting the "#LexLoser" hashtag number one trending again after a week.
the poor reception caused lex luthor to grab a pint of gourmet ice cream from the fridge and a somewhat comically sized spoon. he went to bed and tossed a blanket over himself and ate the icecream through tears of anger. if it weren't for superman. fucking superman. (Heh you can say THAT 😉 again)
"lex? are you under there?"
superman. that was undeniably his voice.
lex peeked out from under his blanket and the man of steel stood tall beside his bed.
"What The Hell Are You Doing In My Bedroom." lex hissed and retreated to the far corner of his bed.
"based off of your twitter, i noticed you seemed to be back in your condo" superman explained. "I wanted to pay you a visit. check up on you and all.
lex pauses. "...you have twitter?"
"that's— that's not the point!" superman crossed his arms. "i want you to promise that you'll be good for me from now on."
superman continued rambling about why luthor should behave, but luthor just uncovered himself from his blanket and stared.
"...yeah, ill be good." lex rolled his eyes.
"atta-boy, lex!" superman smiled. "promise?"
superman's praise made lex's stomach do a flip. he stared up at superman.
superman raised an eyebrow, resting a hand on lex's shoulder, "well, do you promise, lex?"
suddenly, lex pulled superman into his sheets.
and. heh. well. lets just say. three fleshy domes were getting slapped that evening. what the fuck
—
the next morning, clark laid in lex's luxurious bed (lex luxurious? yeah...) with 17 missed calls from mr. terrific and guy gardner.
he grabbed his phone carefully as to not wake up lex, and then he checked his voicemail.
he checked the one from mr. terrific first. "Oh my god bruh so you know how i put tracking shit in your guys' blood stream well. OK last night i got really worried because your heartrate was going like 2000bpm and so i sent one of my t-spheres to go check on you. and my t-spheses automatically record everything. so anyways i backed out immediately but somehow guy got ahold of the footage and—"
the voicemail cut off and clark's jaw dropped in horror. he then proceeded to listen to guy's voicemail.
"SUPERMAN SUPERMAN CHECK THE NEWS IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT CHANNEL. WE DID IT WE OFFICIALLY NUKED THE SHIT OUT OF LEX LUTHOR"
clark bit his lip and reluctantly went to the news tab on google. and lo and behold nearly every single headline contains some version of "#sexluthor". bruh
long story short guy gardner leaked a video of lex luthor getting fucked in da butt (superman's face cropped) and leaked it on twitter dot com where it immediately blew up. along with the tag #sexluthor
and when luthor woke up and checked his phone he struggled to hold back his tears
and then he made a video