Chapter Text
Do you ever think about the excruciating reality of death? Crushing, suffocating yet hollow, like the Grim Reaper’s cold hands curled around your throat?
Yeah, me neither. I mean, it’s silly, right? We can't even die here.
Just ignore my heavy hyperventilating breaths or thumping heartbeats, drumming as if marching to war. Or how the longer I stare into this fake dressing room mirror, my grip on my senses slip more and more. Brittle and loose. Or how the walls of this fake digital theatre compress all around me.
I wriggled in my seat, my cowering knees curling up.
But I only had to ignore it! Ignore what it means to abstract. Where you end up. What existence becomes? Or if you could even tell if we're not abstracted already!! No!!!
Ignore my pupils morphing into uncanny scribbles, shimmering like TV static. Please, please, just f#$king ignore it.
I pressed my head back into the seat and coughed out a huff, glaring up at the one dim light bulb faintly glowing over me. I scoffed a defeated chuckle at it. How dreary the backstage lighting was, it was such an accurate detail.
Yet, Caine can’t make any of this feel genuine.
Wasn’t his fault though. At the end of the day, we're the humans, not him. In that way, it's more on us to be the "genuine" ones.
Still, I rolled my head in the seat’s cushion, over and over as if anything would change. If our last scraps of humanity would resurface. It did not. With a deep breath, the glitched void of colourful shapes against black subsided back against my scribbled pupils.
If abstraction was on the cards, I got a lucky draw for today.
Glancing up at my reflection, my hideous amphibian appearance was laid bare and nude. A sickly green topped off with this goddamn bowtie and my webbed hands.
I looked so stupid.
I cracked my grimace away. What I found rested against the vanity desk was the stupid plastic toy guitar Caine bestowed us for tonights game. A rip off of those ridiculous controllers you use for Guitar Hero.
My eyes seethed with hatred, lips curling at it.
Piercing ceramic shatters erupted behind me. I flinched and turned to the velvet red curtains separating backstage to the stage’s wings.
‘Did you just throw a vase at me?!’ Kaufmo’s voice exploded.
‘I did!’ Jax chirped, lacing his foul mood in playful jest .
I shook my head, scoffing.
Oh, Jax. Just hearing his voice, perpetually teasing and always layered in venom. I closed my eyes and imagined his voice, alone with me. A different voice. One that when I focused on the way it resonates, was a far cry from the chaos I heard now. One that calmed my breaths, soothed my nerves and stroked my panicked mind.
But when I opened my eyes again, Jax's rage filled the air.
’You see, Kaufy. I just wanted you to shut up for a sec.’
Kaufmo spat a scoff. ‘So you throw a f#$king vase? Yeah, real mature of you.’ Another explosion of ceramic shatters. ‘JAX!’
‘No, no! I’m just struggling to understand ya.’ Jax was bordering on incredulous now. Volatile and words teetering with rage. I wondered if I should go out, stop them. But … I don’t think Kaufmo wants to see me right now.
‘It’s his fault we flunked that first round and you know it!’
I winced at the way Kaufmo’s words stabbed at me.
‘Oh I’m so good at guitar, I’ll smash it guys, don’t worry!’ He contorted his voice into a wobbly sing-song, mimicking me. My heart twisted at his cruelty. Is that really how he thinks I sound?
‘He couldn’t even hit a note, Jax! That’s the game isn’t it?’
Jax laughed. ‘Why are you so caught up in it? Busting his balls like that, I'd say you're a bit obsessed, aren't ya?’
My eyes welled up, squinting to fight back the onslaught of guilt ridden pain. I peeked at the fake guitar again. I was so itching to play it and play it well. Get lost in it, forget about this whole s#%tshow of a circus for a while. Play music with some goddamn soul
Instead? Caine gave me this.
Another bout of rage clutched onto me. It glared right back at me, coloured buttons housed in the neck like bared teeth gleaming a sinister plastic grin. I released my knees and kicked it to the floor. It snapped at the bridge, clattering in two halves.
As I heaved my petty hisses, my leg bounced up and down nervously. I stared, bitterness befouling my eyes.
‘Why am I- Why- We’re last, Jax! Dead last!’ Kaufmo finished his unforgiving review of me.
The moment of silence that followed, how eerily quiet it was when Jax didn’t respond instantly. That probably scared me more than anything.
‘And it’s his fault?’ Jax was still dumfounded, yet he held a terrifying restraint in himself. His tone was low, predatory. I could even hear Kaufmo gulp.
‘Hey, no. Don’t. Don’t you dare throw that at me.’
I waited with wrenching anticipation.
‘Ha… Maybe it’s best if you go solo, Kaufy. I’m sure your incredible singing will get you far.’ And there it was. The iconic sarcasm. Time to fight fire with fire.
‘Hey, m-my singing’s good!’
’Sure Kaufy, sure. You go believe that.’ Another spiteful jab. ‘Get lost.’
With that, impending footsteps grew louder from the curtain.
My leg bounced, like an out of control jackhammer.
The curtains flapped and the room’s temperature cooled along the rabbit’s nonchalant energy. I didn’t have to look to feel it.
‘Man, what a tool!’ I blew a sad puff out my nose. Of course he’d act like I didn’t hear anything.
But when the cobbled sound of shoes on wood stopped, I instantly glanced at him. He’d stopped before the guitar, broken unceremoniously on the ground. His chilled gaze met my eyes. His pupils dilated wide, his perpetual smile morphing into one of worry.
‘You okay, Rib?’
I turned away, rubbing my eyes with my arm. ‘Uh huh.’ I nodded.
Jax sighed.
Placing a hand on my chair, he swivelled me round and bent down to my level. His hand found my shoulder. His soothing touch shot sparks shivering all down my back, begging me to look at him. I listened, unable to deny him.
‘Look. Kaufmo’s an idiot. He has no clue what he’s talking about, ‘kay?’
The way he rubbed my shoulder, so full of assurance and care, its warmth was enough to melt me. His face, inches away that his breath washed over me. This side of him was so real. Real and comforting. Not like Ragatha's optimism or Kinger's coociness or Kaufmo's incessant need for attention. But, still, it was too real for me. I wish he'd show it more.
I let my gaze break from his.
‘Hey, no. Look at me, Rib. Please.’
Instantly, I found myself wrapped in his long lanky arms, encasing me in his shelter. For a split second, I swear he rubbed his cheek ever gently against mine. My heart must’ve skipped a beat.
When he pulled back, I laid bear his costume for today’s ‘adventure’. I think his role was Band Executive? Suit pants, smart shoes and a dress shirt, rolled up and deliciously loose. Top two buttons undone. If anything, he was the walking image of suave. He probably knew it too. Knew how easy it was to comfort me.
He brushed a thumb, drying my eyes of welled pain. ‘Why don’t I ask Caine for a replacement? Then we can get outta here. Whaddya say?’
As he held my shoulders, secure and safe, I found myself wondering. If I’m gonna go back out there, it’s not gonna be with that stupid thing. And maybe, just maybe, there’s a way to salvage this moment. A way we could be ourselves for just a few minutes on stage.
My mouth parted open, words hung on my tongue’s tip. ‘If I do, will you come with me?’
Jax’s hands flinched against me. His body tightened up, face straining so faintly, you’d miss it. ‘Um, Rib,’ he "licked" his lips (and by that, his mouth did a weird fold I can't quite describe) ‘I’m the exec. I don’t sing.’ He laughed me down.
My leg stopped for a moment, pouting. Then, bouncing again. ‘I’ve heard you sing though. You’re lovely. Plus you’d smoke Kaufmo every time.’ I threw in a competitive edge, just to entice him.
But he grinned with a sour laugh. ‘Aha. No. No way. No way am I singing for any of those losers.’
I glanced down, thinking before I raised my hopeful pupils to his. ‘Would you… for me?’
Jax choked on his words, eyes flashing wide, tripped up. He twisted his head enough, leaning away from me. I sunk myself lower, craning my neck to get a good look at his fallen smirk. There's no way I’d let him off the hook that easy.
He scoffed and rolled his eyes, smile returning in happy resignation. ‘Alright, put it this way. You go and play your froggy little heart out and I promise I’ll sing for you.’ He raised a stiff finger, pointing sharply at me. ‘But only you, ya hear me? They,’ he gestured his hand wildly to the curtain, ‘They don’t get to hear all this.’ He promptly gestured to himself, that prideful sonnafab#$h. Least it made me chuckle.
‘Now, you ready to play?’
But my chuckle refused to last. My face fell back into sullen pouting.
Jax couldn’t help but groan. ‘Ugh, c’mon! What now?’
My entire soul stung at that. I rolled my eyes and nodded my head to the broken guitar. ‘Look at it.’
Jax did and shrugged at me. ‘Like I said, I’ll ask Caine for another, it's no biggie.’
‘No, Jax. I-’
‘What, what?’
My turn to shrug, defeat plastered over my every move. ‘How am I supposed to play that?’
‘Um, because you kick a#% with a guitar?’
I crossed my arms, sulking like the child I was. ‘Yeah, a real one. It’s not fair we have to play fu##ing Guitar Hero.’
‘Y’know it’s just a game? How different is it to your guitar?’
My arms exploded out, wildly flailing about. ‘That’s the thing! My guitar is the realest thing I have here. It has strings I can pluck. It rings. I can feel it. The wood scratches when I strum it.’
‘Okay?’
‘Jax!’ My hands slapped onto my lap.
‘Oh, give me a break,' Jax dragged his fingers off his face, 'I can’t decipher your every word for ya!’
I bit my lips, tutting them. ‘I want to feel alive! Like I matter. I- I don’t care if the audience are those mannequin things or if anyone will remember this. I wanna play!’
Jax scoffed at me, nonchalant as if to let me down easy again. ‘They’re just a bunch of 1s and 0s. You shouldn’t care so much.’
‘Well, I do.’ My eyes glared at him, words shooting out with spite.
Jax, arms crossed, studied me. His thin pupils scanned me, up then down. He caught onto my bouncing leg. As he did, I peered down at his foot. Both of us tapped our itching feet. Up and down, flying through a rapid pace. Equally as nervous. I looked up at him with a knowing look only he could understand.
'Ugh...' He sighed, frown vanishing before closing his eyes. He relaxed his shoulders, arms loose and rubbery. He stepped closer, ranning the back of his fingers along my ear. His movements, so slow and delicate, treated me with the reverence nobody else in this circus could. ‘It really means that much to you, huh?’
I leant into his touch, his maple voice, desperate to yell “YES”. But the way my pleading head melted into him I was sure was enough. So, I nodded.
He swallowed a gulp and nodded back, eyes welling up in adoration. ‘Okay.’ Nodding his lavender head, his thoughts washed back into his default smile. ‘Okay. I hear ya, Rib. Loud and clear.' Cupping my face, thumb rubbing circles my cheek, his sweet smile grew, affectionate and assuring. It was moments like this, how lucky I felt to be in his trust. 'I’ll speak to Caine for ya, alright?’
I blinked, lifting my chin for his hand as it left me. ‘Caine?’ I asked. ‘What’re you gonna say?’
Jax, on brand for his role play, pulled out a plain white box of cigarettes. ‘I am technically your “manager”. I’ll sort out some kinda deal.’
My eyes lit up in elation at that, mind flooding with all the possible songs I could rock out too. Maybe a homage to Nirvana’s Paramount performance??? I could squeal with glee!
Brandishing a lighter with a flick, Jax snapped the flame alight, pulling a quick huff of a cigarette as it glitched in his teeth. His foot stopped tapping, stilled and placated. He blew out a plume of grey smoke.
Despite my joy, my leg continued to bounce. In the corner of my eye, I saw Jax take notice. Before I knew it, I saw the cigarette’s tip leaking smoke before me. I happily took it and placed it between my lips.
I pulled a long, long, heavy drag, filling my non-existent lungs waiting for something, any kind of relaxation to happen. By the time my lungs were full, nothing. Not an ounce of that blissful tobacco taste. It wasn’t surprising though.
Only the faint sweet taste Jax left behind seeped into my lips. His taste. One I knew was oh so real. And, God, it was delicious nor surprising.
‘Good, huh?’ Jax jutted in a joke, as if he could hear my thoughts. My face flushed a rapid surging red. Jax chuckled at me, soft kindness in each snicker. How what I saw and what I heard with Kaufmo were the same person baffles me. Still, it stroked my pride to feel like I was the only one to get this outta him.
But he started looking around, cautious and wary. I raised a brow but before I could ask, he nodded and wrapped me up in another calming hug.
I instantly knew what was up. As if anyone would walk in. Even then, I didn’t see what was so wrong with that. So what if they did. What were they gonna do? What could they possibly do?
So even though I thawed into his snug hug, I stares out into the digital theatre we were currently trapped in with a somber twinge. I hope he knew he didn’t have to be so embarrassed by any of this.
But the feel of his soft chest against mine, it was heaven in a digital hell. I closed my eyes and gripped around him even tighter. I did not want to let go, for anything. I was sure he felt the same…
But he peeled back first, failing to notice my needy arms slipping off his body.
’So. Do I have one real guitar on order?’
Despite the longing storm swirling in my eyes, my neurones firing, begging me to just smush myself against him … I didn’t. Instead, I smiled. This was enough.
I nodded, ‘You do.’
***
Notes:
Just editing through this and just thought of a cool thing. If anyone wants to discuss theories about Ribbit, how he/she/they (the suspense is killing me lmao) fit into Jax’s backstory and/or the possible directions of the show, by all means, I’m all ears!
Like for example, I heard Zooble’s VA did a live stream of a smash or pass on all TADC characters and when Ashley got to Ribbit, she said that considering what she knows about Ribbit, it’s a smash.
What does that mean???
But anyways, I must continue writing and I shall see whoever I shall see there.
Chapter 2: Hats
Chapter Text
Caine’s murmuring crowd echoing in the theatre plus the petrifying emptiness of my hands make for a deadly cocktail. Standing on the edge of the stage’s wing, I took a peek between the slithered cracks in the curtains.
A big fu$%ing mistake.
My frantic pupils scanned the sprawling theatre, sparsely lit and grand. Royal red seats, dark oak facades and mannequins. Rows upon rows of mannequins mimicking today's crazed crowd. It was something I’d only ever seen in YouTube videos. I gawked at them all. What a phenomenal sight.
At the front row, my fellow prisoners sat disinterested, confused or idle. And by that, I meant Ragatha embodied all three simultaneously, shielding herself from the noise. Caine checked his watch whilst Bubble leant towards stage with a judge’s demeaning squint. And Kaufmo? Well, going by his passive sneering and hunched back, he didn’t seem too happy going solo.
I blinked, realising how thin our cast truly had become. How many people were lost over time. The fact that I couldn’t even remember a single name. My eyes fell, sullen and mourning. Wherever they were, I hope they’re at peace.
A crippling shiver radiated down my back, heart plunged into this world’s despairing reality. I doubt there’s such a thing as an afterlife here. For now, we were all each other had.
But my trepidations were cut short. Bubble snapped her beady eyes right at me, jagged teeth barred like a creepy entity from a horror film. Icy cold gripped me. I jerked the curtains closed, scurrying deeper into the dark safety of the wings.
’Eugh. Creepy f*#king thing.’ I hopped on my toes, flicking my wrists with a constant stream of huffs. ‘Breathe, just breathe, just breathe.’
I clenched my body, forcing me still before I glared backstage. A million thoughts swirled in my mind, all at once. Time was running out. People wanted to go home. Caine probably lacks the attention span to wait any longer.
But one thought refused to cross my mind, staring backstage. Jax letting me down? I couldn't fathom it. Not with his determination.
I cupped my hands together and pressed them against my chest. ‘C’mon Jax. Please.’
That rabbit, that goddamned purple rabbit, filled my head with the most hopeful of thoughts. Even now, a fake theatre, a fake crowd and ultimately, a fake performance, the only reason I think I cared so much was for the slimmest chance that Jax might hear me. See me. Understand me. Like I understand him.
I closed my eyes, as if pure darkness was more comforting. I slowed my breathing, felt every breath expand in me, stoking the flames of my cindering trust. Over and over, if minutes did turn to hours, there was no way I’d ever know.
‘Rib?’ A gloved hand touched my shoulder. A touch I’d know in a thousand digital lifetimes.
I coughed, face twinged in relief. I turned and rushed myself into him, latching around his waist. I buried my face into him.
‘Woah. Geez, you are a sappy little thing, aren’t you?’ He snickered as I felt one hand coax the back of my head, holding me there.
I nodded with the stupidest grin on my face, wiping my nose across his dress shirt. ‘Uh huh…’
‘Hey, why don’tcha look at what I got?’
Gently, he reeled back and wiggled my very own acoustic guitar like a prize, straight out of my room, with an eager smile that matched my own.
‘No way! How- How’d you even…?’
My needy webbed hands reached and took it. I held it with reverence and purity, resting it on my palms. My awestruck eyes travelled up and down each part of the guitar. From the grains in the wood to the tiny grooves in the lower strings, the level of detail against the textureless walls around me left me floored.
It was here because of him.
Jax, eyes bashfully half-lidded, grabbed the nape of his neck, turning his own smile from me. I couldn’t help but snicker at him too. He was cute, getting all shy like that. ‘I dunno. I just asked Caine if I could grab it and he snapped his fingers and bam! There I had it,' he pinched his chin, musing, 'called it a good idea actually.’
I lifted it over and fitted the strap on my shoulder, gazing up to meet my purple rabbit's golden eyes. ‘Thank you.’
A small circle of rosy red formed right at the centre of Jax’s face, hand rubbing the back of his head again. ‘Eh, don’t mention it.’
My eyes twinkled at him, head bent low just so I could see that wonderful shade of red invade him.
He let his hands down, holding his hips before shaking his head, face flushing back to purple. ‘Oh man. Well, whatever reason you spawned here with that, I’m glad ya did.’ He walked up beside me, looking down at me with widening pupils, rubbing my back in light circles. ‘Really suits ya.’
My face surged with heat as I folded in on myself.
He patted my back and, typical Jax, pushed me towards the stage. I stumbled forward and glared right back at him.
‘Now go knock ‘em dead for me.’
Bidding a final caring nod, I locked my fingers beneath my guitar, rubbing them awkwardly. He stood there, letting me bide my time, my thoughts.
He’s been there for me since day one. Every time I think I can repay that, it was as if I felt obligated to one-up myself. Finally, I laughed at myself and looked up, clearing my throat. ‘Hey, Jax?’
Hands still on his relaxed hips, he leant back, always cool and calm, ‘Yeah, froggy?’
‘When… When this is all over, I, um, I’ve been learning a song. For you.’ Jax’s collected face pulled itself towards intrigued curiosity. ‘Can I show you? In my room. Later?’
His forever-smile turned coy on me. It was enough for me to know his answer.
With everything falling into place, Caine’s enthused announcement of me left the crowd in a deafening roar. But as Jax winked, clicked finger guns at me and turned backstage, hands in pockets, the crowd muffled to the background, I felt like he knew it was enough for me too.
***
‘HA! Look at it, Kaufmo. Look, look at it!’
Walking backwards, towering over the poor clown, Jax shoved his gold medal in his face. Kaufmo’s face was a twitching mess of restraint and simmering rage. Though I can’t say I’m 100% on board with this, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel like retribution deservedly slapped him in the face.
'Did you not see that performance!?' He turned to me, chuckling in disbelief and awe. I felt a rosy warmth drench my face, bashful hands clamping together. But Jax returned to jeering at the clown again. 'You must feel real stupid for letting a talent like Rib go, huh??'
Though, pushing my strapped guitar out the way, I did pick out Ragatha rolling her eyes, disgusted and off-put, veering towards her chosen place of refuge with Kinger. The lounge area. She probably knew what was going to happen if Jax didn’t slow down.
But come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her go into her room, apart from sleeping maybe? For all her positive "transparency", she was equally as difficult to read as anyone here.
’That’s what you all get for doubting Rib and I.’ Jax singsonged, refusing to relent on the clown.
‘Doubt you? You didn’t even do anything!’ Like that, Kaufmo cracked and the revenge spectacle soured like curdled milk. ‘I cut you loose, didn’t I? A fruitful decision in the end.’ Jax cocked his head to the side, squinting his challenging eyes. Kaufmo didn't answer. Scoffing indifferently, Jax swiped the clown's party hat off his head.
‘Hey! Give that back!’ I grimaced at Jax ‘strumming’ the hat like a guitar, mimicking the song I chose to play (Aneurysm by Nirvana). Kaufmo charged at the rabbit, flailing his arms about his head, trying to snatch it back.
‘Give it back, Jax. C’mon!’
Everyone stopped and turned to the commotion. Ragatha's glowering gaze mixed with an exasperated sigh, marching up to the conniving rabbit. ‘Jax, you are unbelievable. Truly! Just give it back to him. You won. You’re the winner. Congratulations. Should I get you another medal?’ Her exasperation felt like she didn’t know what approach would work anymore.
'Another medal?' Jax asked, his teasing tone turning more obnoxious by the second. 'Weren't you all the ones taking this so seriously? You don't get to act all c'est la vie.'
'When you're acting like a complete tool, yeah! I think I do.'
Turning his head to her, Jax raised a confused, amused, eye brow. ‘Wooooow, Rags. Don’t get yourself in such a twist. I’m just celebrating my win. What’s the deal?’
I craned a quick glance at him. His win…
Ragatha stormed right up to him, practically squaring up to him. ‘I just don’t get why you’re so mean to everyone.’ At first, Jax seemed like he was listening, or at least invested. Whatever window Ragatha thought was there, she tried to swipe the hat back. But Jax, leaning in but eyes uninterested, merely lifted it high above his head. Out of her range as she grunted.
‘I’m am not. You take that back.’ There was a slight twinge of genuine meaning in his voice. I was probably the only one to believe it.
‘Bulls*&t!’ Kaufmo spat. Jax snapped his glare to him.
‘Oh yeah?’ Ragatha challenged.
Jax whipped back to her, growing outnumbered. ’Yeah!’
‘Really?’ Ragatha’s distrustful stare jerked towards me. Instantly, I was placed under her righteous aura, sweltering and intense. I took a step back. It was like staring into the sun. My eyes grew wide under the sudden scrutiny.
‘I mean, Ribbit. Ribbit, c’mon! You gotta help me out here.’
Jax’s pupils shrunk. Piercing and deadly to a size so miniature, I could barely see anything but the furious gold of his eyes. ‘Hey!’ Jax snapped, poking a firm finger into Ragatha’s chest. ‘You leave him out of this.’ His voice was tinged in boiling warning. Rumbling, teetered the edge of a crazed massacrer.
Ragatha backed away, looks fleeting around the place, mustering the courage to keep pressing. ’N-No. No! I think,’ she cleared her throat, ‘I think Ribbit can speak for himself, can’t you Ribbit?’ She turned to me with that ominous motherly tone she’s perfected. I shared my own panicked stares between her awaiting eyes and Jax’s petrified face.
‘Um.’ I muttered, trying to balance both arguments through a middle road, if it even existed. I didn’t really want anyone to think I’m picking sides. ‘I think—’
Jax stepped right between me and Ragatha, holding me back with a protective hand, still clutching onto Kaufmo’s hat. ‘—Don’t fall for their games, Rib. You don’t have to explain anything to these guys.’ I took a quick look up at his face. Teeth bared like a wounded animal. ‘I—’ The second I spoke up, he shook me once into silence. Studying his eyes, I saw, quivering in those fragile pupils: Terror.
My open mouth closed shut. I didn't want this lasting any longer than it already has.
‘He doesn’t control you, y’know.’ I peeked over to Kaufmo, surprisingly zen compared to where he was before. But again, Jax backed up further, shielding me from both offenses. ‘Oh, but I control you all, don’t I?’ He hissed, coiling his inner snake.
Trying to get around Jax’s body shield, Ragatha bent down to meet me beneath Jax’s arm. ‘Hey, Rib? Why don’t you come hang out with us for a while? Give Jax a bit of a break?’
‘I’m not a child! I’m right here, Rags.’
She ignored him, still connected with me. The insistence in her wide stare only made me want to curl up and vanish. ‘Um.’ I swayed my head side to side before bringing up my guitar to her. ‘I actually really want to show Jax something. If- If that’s alright?’
Defeat befell the ragdoll's face. I flared my nose in guilt.
‘Of course it’s alright.’ Jax puffed, dripping sarcasm and spite.
Wrapping his arm around me, he pulled me away from the prying eyes surrounding us.
But I glanced back, at Kaufmo looking equally as exhausted. My eyes fell to the colourful floor, thinking. I stopped then and there. Jax made a throaty noise of surprise, holding him up. My gaze locked onto Kaufmo’s hat, still in Jax’s hold.
I met Jax’s stern face with a determination that matched his. I let my eyes grow, imploring him to trust me. His mouth furrowed in grim reluctance. I grabbed onto the hat with a tug. A moment of defiance passed. But with one glare, he relented with an annoyed grunt. The hat was mine.
I huffed at him, leaving Jax hunched, arms crossed and pouting.
I walked up to Kaufmo, hands tightening around his stolen hat. He looked down, then up to me.
Just out my vision, Jax veered round, cutting a glare right across me. Searing and sharp, it dared me to fold. To crack. With a nervy breath, I almost did.
But I blinked and handed the hat towards the clown. ‘Here.’ I bleated before I could even think to stop it. With no more words, Kaufmo simply nodded and took it.
Jax froze. His awaiting smirk flickered like a faulty bulb. For a heartbeat, all his fury cracked open into some raw. Almost like fear? But before I could name it, his smiling mask slammed back up. Contorted, grinning.
‘Can we go now?’ Of course, Jax had to have the last word.
I left the others behind and joined back beside my sulking rabbit. Bending below his arm, I invited him to take me under his wing. Just like that, he took me in and guided us towards the hallway.
I smirked a little. If whatever happened was the latest of combative battles Jax had with the others, I felt like I walked away with the victory for once.
***
Chapter Text
Jax’s acidic mumbling meant all hell would break loose soon. Storming ahead, my room in sight, he latched onto my hand and tugged me along. I almost tripped over, how hard he yanked. I peeked up at his hunched shoulders, the venom under his breaths and his other clenched fist.
He was seconds from losing his nerve and I knew exactly what to do. The same thing that tended to happen whenever we’re alone. I’d bet all my digital lives it would happen here too. I also figured that song would have to wait, if he even remembered.
Twisting the doorknob, it wriggled, stuck. An exasperated grunt, it finally opened. He snapped me towards him again. ‘Ow.’ I mumbled as he held a hand on my back to guide me in.
Still heaving breaths, he slammed the door shut. ‘God! Could you believe them all?’
Lifting my guitar off, I placed it by the door, shaking my head at him. ‘Jax…’
He scoffed in disbelief, marching towards my bed whilst throwing his hands up. ‘I mean, where do they get off on all this? Can’t they just leave me alone?’
He tossed my duvet aside, adjusting the pillows to make space and climbed on. Sitting up, his long lanky legs bent at the knees, curled and open. ‘It’s like they think they’re so perfect and I’m this poor little bleating lamb they need to shepherd; They’re ridiculous!’ He shook his head. ‘Aren’t they Rib?’
He glanced at me, idle by the door. The luring want in his eyes, the space of his lap so inviting.
I rolled my eyes at him. He thought he was so hard to read but I gave him a knowing smile. He was a ticking time-bomb, fuse whittling closer and closer to ignition until the door closes. Then we rot in bed and it’s like I’ve pinched the fuse.
And now I owed myself some digital lives.
Joining him in the bed, I crawled between his legs, cocooned within his cozy lap. ‘It’s one thing to be trapped here. But trapped with them? Just our luck, isn’t it.’ The second I got comfy, he wrapped his arms around me, locking me in before he tossed the duvet over us.
I snuggled in, like a warm cave for me to shelter on a cold rainy night and laid my back against his chest. ‘It’s like they wanna tear us apart or something.’
I leaned my back into his mellow chest, beneath his chin, nodding at everything he said. But his shoulders were still all scrunched up. It’s been a while since I had to move to a Jax-DEFCON-2 ( DEFCON 1 sadly remains a nice dream) but I knew the drill. A touch here and there, he’ll be fine.
Holding onto one of his wrists holding me like a seatbelt, I stroked his forearm as he yapped. Instantly, his eyelids lowered, relaxed. I couldn’t help but smirk at him as he blew out a cool sigh. ‘I’d never let that happen though.’
He held me tighter, his voice shaken, ‘Never.’
The way he squeezed my body, his arms and legs a spider spindling his care, I could feel his chest rising against my back with every breath.
He was so calm.
I wanted to say that deep down, I knew he meant every word. But those two words, “I know” just hung off the tip of my tongue.
Instead, I shuffled myself up and gazed up at him, still stroking his arm. ‘Y’know, you don’t have to be so mean to them.’
He blinked, ‘What?’ And glanced down at me, puzzled. ‘What are you talking about?’
I shrugged. ‘I can make my own decisions. Like, I know you were just having fun,’ I puffed a little laugh, ‘And Kaufmo was being a bit of a d*$k but … he’s not a bad guy, Jax.’
Jax pressed his hands into the bed, sitting up. ‘Oh, but I am? Is that it?’
‘No.’ I quickly followed his hand, still brushing the top as I shook my head. ‘No, not at all. Just… be a little nicer? It doesn’t hurt.’
Even though I felt the tension in his arm release, he still scoffed his frustration.
‘Doesn’t hurt.’ He muttered, leaning back into the bed frame and resting his hands on my stomach. So I placed mine over his once more, fighting the urge to intertwine fingers.
‘Lemme tell you a secret, Rib.’ I gazed up at his eyes, attentive. ‘You and me? They don’t get us.’ I let my eyes fall off him, disappointed, but I let him continue. ‘They don’t understand us. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think they deserve to.’
He pulled on my tummy, enveloping me up that little bit more. The amount of care, need, affection. I just pat his arm. ‘I know…’
But I got thinking: Why shouldn’t they deserve it? It’d be a much easier existence for everyone if he gave some to them once a while. Felt selfish, hoarding it all in a warm duvet in my room.
‘…But they’re people too. Don’t you think they deserve better? From both of us.’
‘Pfft. Why?’ He sat up again, agitated and fidgety, letting my head slip into his lap. ‘Do you know what they’d do if they saw this.’ He gestured to us. ’It’s not worth it. All they are are binary coding, no different to Caine or the NPCs. They’re hardly people anymore. Trust me, it’s easier that way.’
‘Oh…’ I mused, pinching my fingers together. Whether I liked it or not, this was our lives. What was the point treating it any other way? Was that really what he thought? About everything? About us?
I couldn’t stop my sniffling nose. ‘And me?’
Jax tightened. His eyes shot up, shrinking. His ears drooped. He looked down at me. His face, trepid, terrified, frown tight with guilt, quickly mellowed as his quivering pupils grew wide.
’N-No.’ He broke his gaze at me, eyes darting around and stammering. He tried to reach for me but pulled back. ‘No, that’s not- that’s not what I—‘ He choked on his words. I kept my eye on him, still sniffling.
He scooped me up from his lap and brought me against him, the loveliest of hugs. ‘—Look. You’re the only reason I get up and do anything in this damn circus. I’m glad you’re here. Okay, Ribby?’
Holding my shoulders now, he pulled away, gazing deep into my eyes, sweltering from the pooling wetness lining them. ‘I wouldn’t last a day without you.’
I kept blinking. Each time, I managed to let his honeyed words seep into my brain. Each time, I believed him. ‘Okay…’ I mouthed the word in a breathy whisper. The way it left my mouth and the lingering silence. Tasted bitter.
‘Um.’ I watched his needy, panicked face hop around the room. Then his eyes burst wide again, buzzed into excitement, ‘Oh!’ He tossed the duvet off, scrambling towards the door and gunned for my guitar. I raised a brow and sat up, crossed-legged.
‘You- You wanted to play something.’ He grabbed it and shuffled back over, holding it out to me. ‘Well, c’mon! Lemme hear it.’
I peered at the guitar, then him. That smile, that forsaken smile nobody here could tell was genuine or not, beamed down at me. I saw it wobble though. Unsure, faltering.
Funnily enough, after that, I grabbed onto it and smiled back. Bringing it towards me, I ran my hand across the body, wooden echoes from the hole bled into the room. The item was out of place, I knew that. It reminded me of the life I lost. But as I curled my palm beneath the neck, hovered my webbed hands over the strings and gazed at Jax… I remembered what I gained.
Ready to start the show, I waited for my one-rabbit-audience. Sliding back into bed, he laid his long body across me, resting his head across my lap. I let a laugh out my nose as his ears poked up, assaulting my guitar. ‘You comfy there?’
‘Oh, sorry.’ He pulled them and tucked them behind the guitar.
Wiggling myself into the bed, like a bird in its nest, I breathed, deep and prepared. But Jax took my hand into his, bringing it to his face. I blinked, taken aback by his careful hold.
He twisted it round, fingers poking around the webbing between my fingers. ‘Is it hard … with it like that?’
I brought my hand up, inspecting it. ‘Well, I can’t fingerstyle. But it actually helps. They’re like built-in-picks.’ I flapped it around to prove my point.
‘Ah.’
‘Or at least, that’s what I tell myself. Like you said, there’s a reason I spawned with my guitar. So I say they’re like picks, y’know? This,’ I gestured to myself, my stupid frog body, ‘has to mean something.’
But as I glanced down at Jax again, he just took my hand again and drew circles around my palm. His mouth hung slightly open, idle, completely lost in his own world. Maybe even awestruck. ‘Right.’ He said, barely present.
I felt a blush invade me as I took it back and prepared. Jax too got himself comfy, looking up at me with all his admiration.
Forcing my fingers to reach the chords, I began strumming the intro. Each chord I transitioned, I built up a melodic background and filled the room with resonating musical notes. I felt my eyes close and my body performed the rest.
‘It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside. I’m not one of those who can easily hide’
Each strum, each string that joined together in a beautiful echo carried time forward. Time that was cut out just for us to spend in.
‘My gift is my song, and this one's for you. And you can tell everybody this is your song. It may be quite simple, but now that it's done,’
Time that span across universes, across the very fabric of reality, across my beating heart I was certain still existed in me. In Jax. In everyone.
‘I hope you don't mind that I put down in words. How wonderful life is while you're in the world.’
And even though the fabric was digital, lifeless, fabricated from code, nothing from my old life felt anywhere quite like this. The melody filtering out my voice, syrupy-sweet and freeing. I was a nobody.
‘So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do. You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue.’
Beneath my own singing, something magical swelled up the air in the room. My eyes shot wide open.
‘Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean,’
Jax’s own scratchy voice carried the tune with me, our voices flowing like the sweetest river of Elysian nectar. His voice, his precious voice alone beckoned me in. I leaned over my guitar, still strumming as he rose towards me.
And I realised, here, I was something.
‘Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen’
Together, we sang. Face to face. Partner to partner in a duet. Both of us craned our necks to the side and I was sure I blushed again. He truly was gorgeous when he sang.
‘How wonderful life is, while you’re in the world.’
Emphatically, I strummed the closing chords and bobbed my head to the beat in my head. Again and again, the instrument sang for itself. Until finally, there were no more notes, lyrics or chords.
The last whittling tune faded off into the world, sealing this moment to nothing more than a memory.
I smiled and chuckled. So did he.
It was a beautiful memory.
He reached up and cupped my cheek. I melted into it, closing my eyes and nuzzled his soft gloves. ‘That was beautiful… You’re beautiful.’
‘Heh.’ My bashful ass couldn’t bare the rushing heat ruining my face. But I did not wanna hide it. At all.
Putting my guitar aside, he merged my hand into his again, holding it against his chest as if his life depended on it.
‘Green.’ He blurted.
I blinked and cocked my head. ‘Huh?’
‘My eyes. Before I came here. They were green. I remember.’
‘Green.’ I repeated and looked at my own skin, the exact same colour. I chuckled again. Maybe some things were just meant to be.
But if it wasn’t clear before, the chances of meeting anyone like Jax in the real world were slim enough. To be here, now? I couldn’t be any luckier.
Seemed I had a knack for testing the odds. So why not tackle the greatest challenge of all?
‘I’m gonna see them one day.’
Jax raised a brow, still smiling in confusion. ‘What?’
‘Your eyes. One day, we’ll get out of here and I’ll see for myself. For real.’ I crashed down and laid beside my purple rabbit. His lanky frame pressed against me, side by side, I pushed my nose onto his. His eyes tracked and followed me the whole way.
‘Promise me we’ll make it out.’ I asked, demanded even.
For a moment, Jax had no answer. His smile flickered, ears twitched. Hesitation contorted his face. But he smoothed it away.
A soft, almost pitying laugh escaped him. ‘What’d you want me to promise for?’
I thought it was obvious. So I shrugged before drawing the back of my webbed hands across his cheek. ‘Well, because you’ll be the reason. Now promise.’
His eyes grew large, swelling a deep, deep pain. But with a quiet exhale, he smiled. It was real and genuine.
But if I touched it, it might shatter.
Leaning into me, he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. ‘I promise.’
***
Notes:
The middle has been reached. The fluff is over.
LazyOne on Chapter 2 Fri 05 Sep 2025 07:27PM UTC
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eccorando on Chapter 2 Sat 06 Sep 2025 03:04AM UTC
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