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“We’re engaged!”
Nico dreaded those words, because Percy wasn’t engaged to him. No, he was engaged to the love of his life, the perfect person for him. Nico was stuck, sore and alone in a group of people congratulating Percy with no malice in their hearts. Never would Nico get to see Percy on one knee for him. It just wasn’t in the cards.
The reality he lived in despised him. He needed to leave before he committed acts he would soon regret inside the small New Rome apartment Percy and Annabeth—the very happy couple—shared.
It took all of his self control to step forward and give Percy a quiet congratulations. Annabeth said something but he couldn’t care less, he only cared for what Percy said after.
“Thanks man! You should really stick around, we were thinking of playing this game—“
Nico refused and explained that he needed to leave early since his stomach was bothering him. The truth was he was too disconnected from the world already. He wouldn’t be able to focus on a game in the slightest. His head was swimming. He’d only weigh everyone down in the group, that was a cold hard fact when he was in his current state.
He saw Percy’s smile falter, and guilt stabbed into his chest.
“Oh, that’s alright then. Take it easy, but are you sure you don’t want to stay? You could rest in the bedroom and come out later…”
The thought of laying in Percy and Annabeth’s bed made Nico want to tear his throat out.
After reassuring Jason a million times that he didn’t need a temporary live-in nurse and saying goodbye to everyone, he left quickly. His apartment was only a quick jog away from Percy’s. This short distance blessing and a curse. While it made the journey short and car-free, the proximity tempted him constantly.
Shuddering despite the night being warm and humid, his hands trembled as he fished out his key and stepped into his apartment. As soon as he stepped inside, he was greeted by his small entrance hallway. The walls were adorned with large images of the beach. A strange choice of wallpaper, he remembered his landlord saying.
Stepping inside, he shrugged off his jacket and slammed his door shut with a kick. With the light streaming in from the living room window, he could see some seashell charms laid out on his table. They only made him more frustrated. Nico needed to get to his bed as fast as possible, his bad mood was a threat. There was something—someone—he needed to make this all go away.
His heart ravaged his chest as he made a beeline for his bedroom. Not even bothering to flick the lightswitch, he got into his bed and reached out. Tucking a felt body to his chest, his heart slowed down.
He was home.
After a minute or so, he rolled onto his back and reached over to his lamp on his nightstand. He turned it on, bathing the room in blue light. Turning his head back towards his love, he found pretty emerald buttons looking back at him. Seeing them calmed him further, and he patted Percy’s black hair.
“…Can I ask you something?” His voice was raspy, he realized now. He should probably get some water, he didn’t want to concern Percy. Putting his hand on the back of Percy’s plush head, he made it nod.
“You love me, right?” Nico felt desperation claw at him. “You’ve stayed with me through everything. You keep me company when I’m sad. You care, don’t you?”
Percy nodded again.
“Thank you, I needed to hear that.” Nico tucked Percy to his chest again. He didn’t want it to see him cry. Still, soon after he pressed a felt, nubby hand to his cheek to wipe at the waterworks.
Are you okay?
Nico was always surprised when his delusion got this far. Usually, his Percy wouldn’t stick around for long, but tonight wasn’t a usual night.
“N-No…” He was tempted to get angry, but he found he couldn’t get mad at it’s concern. “It hurts…”
What does? Are you wounded? What monster attacked you?
“…It wasn’t a monster. It was you.” Nico turned his face into his pillow, wailing into it as his Percy pressed up to the side of his head.
I’m sorry I did this. I didn’t mean to make you cry.
“I-I know,” Nico sniffled and turned his head to the side. Seeing Percy staring back at him made him feel better. Right past his head was a body pillow of a character who looked similar enough to Percy, leaning up against his wall.
Nico knew he was a freak, but coping with it alone like this was his best option. He needed this to be normal outside. He needed this plushie doll of Percy to be Percy so he wouldn’t hurt a real person.
How can I make it up to you?
Staring at Percy, Nico couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
How can I make you happy?
“Love me forever,” Nico blurted out. “Stay with me. Please. I need you. Without you I… I haven’t found anyone else that I care about as much as you. I tried, for your sake I truly tried, but I always came back.”
I’ll love you forever.
Nico looked at Percy through teary eyes. “Really? Won’t you be unhappy? I’m not the best person, I make so many mistakes…”
You’re amazing, Nico. You’re not the best person in the entire world, but you’re the best in my heart. That’s all that matters, doesn’t it? Just us, no one else.
Nico squeezed Percy to his chest, and yet he wanted him even closer to his heart. His room was covered in beach themed items and various objects that reminded him of his favorite person in the world. It still wasn’t enough. He was greedy. He needed more.
“If I’m the best person to you… the best for you… then yes. Yes, I’ll let you love me forever.” Nico let out a broken chuckle. “It’s only fair that you reciprocate my feelings, right?”
Only fair, only fair.
Ugh, Nico hated when it said something that didn’t synchronize with his own perception of his love. He needed to fix that, what did Percy actually say?
That’s a bit... Plenty of people experience unrequited love, Nico.
Humming, Nico nuzzled Percy’s fuzzy face. “Yeah, but I’m not. You’ll love me forever.”
Nico rolled so he was on top of Percy. He pulled up his blue bedsheets over both of them, closing his eyes. Not fully content, he slipped further. He could feel hands pressing onto his back, lowering before they went up his shirt. He could imagine an initial rise of goosebumps on his skin before he would melt into the embrace. He could hear Percy’s heart, beating in perfect time with his own.
With a smile on his face, he resigned himself to falling asleep. In the morning he would go outside and put on his facade once more. He would let the anger build, the pain, and then he would release it here.
Sometimes he was tempted to bring his love into the light for all to see. Sometimes he was tempted to drag Percy into his home. Sometimes he was tempted to get that rope out from under the bed.
He squeezed Percy. No. He didn’t need to do that. He had Percy right here in bed with him, all to himself. There was no need to risk his mask out there slipping when the lovesick freak underneath could still be satiated.