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“I’m feeling kinda tired,” Lewis says, forcing a yawn that sounds fake even to her own ears. Nico just nods, eyes glued to the TV set, she’s on lap 5 and about to win it all. “I think I’m going to bed, keep the game on, it doesn’t bother me.”
Nico snorts. “Like I’d stop for you.”
Lewis throws a decorative pillow at her head but she dodges with a victorious giggle, punching it away with the PS controller. “Just go to sleep, your aim is shit,” she says, unpausing the game.
They’ve been playing racing games for hours, because Nico insisted it counted as practice. Lewis thought that was bullshit and would rather play some action games, even platforms, but Nico is shit at all of those, so racing it was. In Nico’s ensuite bathroom Lewis brushes her teeth with the extra toothbrush Nico gets for her whenever she stays over the holidays (pink to match Nico’s purple one; the previous set had been blue and green). She stares at herself in the mirror, trying to draw her thoughts away from the direction they’ve been tumbling towards since Keke and Sina kicked them out of the living room for being too noisy and told them to go play somewhere else.
If they shut themselves in Nico’s bedroom to play video games right away they got yelled at, so the key was to stick around after dinner being annoying. At first, playing video games without being interrupted and getting away with tricking Nico’s parents was its own reward, but lately, Lewis has started looking forward to going to bed. She enjoys the sunsoaked days out on the yacht, swimming against Nico and their breath-holding competitions, along with the long hours sunbathing while sharing a towel and one of Sina’s magazines, but the cover of night has made possible what she thought would only ever happen in her guiltiest fantasies.
She washes her face with plain water and soap, going for realism, if she was as tired as she claimed she wouldn’t have the patience for slathering on the creams Sina insisted she and Nico needed after spending the day out in the sun. Lewis’ own mum would be cross with her if she knew she was going to bed without a bonnet, but she wants to wear her braids down. A flush of satisfaction runs through her as she tucks the purple thread braid she got at the beach the day before behind her ear. It was Nico’s idea, who got one in pink, but both of them asked for the silver thread and the blue glass beads as decoration. It’s pretty to look at, but whenever Lewis’ sees it what she most vividly recalls is Nico taking her by the hand and running towards the beach stall before anyone else could queue up.
It isn’t often that they touch each other tenderly these days. Something changed during the season, Lewis can’t tell what. She and Nico both did well, but Lewis’ is leading the championship, and at this point it’s hers to lose. The first girl to ever do so, the first black person. The boys who had treated her and Nico as an amusing novelty but no real competition became vicious. To Lewis this should have brought them even closer, but instead Nico withdrew, not completely, but she stopped taking Lewis’ elbow when they walked, and she puts her hand in front of her mouth when she laughs now. The one time Lewis tried to bring it up Nico changed the subject. Part of her knows that Nico’s frustration at the treatment they were getting was because she expected better from her peers. But they were no peers of Lewis, and she had expected nothing.
When Lewis leaves the bathroom Nico is still gaming, neck craned up to look up at the TV set. She doesn’t turn to look when Lewis walks behind her and gets into bed, and when Lewis’ tells her “Goodnight,” she replies with a distracted “Night,” almost drowned out by the sound of the game’s music.
Lewis settles into the bed, sticking to the left, which is her side, even though they both like to spread out, and will invariably wake up tangled in the middle. She shuffles around, rustling the sheets, sighing, pretending she’s trying to make herself comfortable, when the truth is that she’s going to settle on her stomach, clutching the pillow to her face, back turned to Nico. The same way she has done for the past two weeks, the same way she was positioned when she woke up to the shocking feeling of Nico’s fingers moving inside her pussy.
She’s wearing a t-shirt, panties, and a heated hope that the events of that night will repeat themselves. She can’t be sure they haven’t, it’s possible Nico was just more careful the following nights and Lewis didn’t wake up while being fingered. But she’s been rushing every morning to the bathroom to check how wet she got through the night, and hasn’t found her panties more stained than usual, although even that is hard to gauge because since that night she can’t help getting wet while imagining all the ways Nico will touch her when she comes to bed.
Maybe Nico is scared of trying again, maybe it was just a sudden bout of curiosity that she has now satisfied. That’s the possibility that worries Lewis the most. She can’t ask for it, she can’t want it, that would make her a sinner. Nico doesn’t care about any of that because she doesn’t believe in God, no one in her family does, but Lewis’ was baptized, and took first communion and confirmation. God has his eye on her now, she can’t escape him like Nico can.
“It’s hot,” she says, sitting up in bed, raising her voice above the video game music.
Nico pauses the game and turns to her. “Do you want to turn on the air con?”
“No, I don’t like it, it dries my sinuses.” That’s true enough. “Can I just take off my shirt?”
“Do whatever you want,” Nico says, already turning around.
Lewis lifts the shirt up over her head and throws it in annoyance to the floor where it lands in a heap. She hates it when Nico ignores her. It’s not like they haven’t seen each other naked plenty of times, but somehow sleeping only in panties always seemed a step too far. They’ve crossed all lines, so it feels a little recursive now to worry about this one. Lewis settles back on her front, her nipples harden against the cool silk sheets and a delicious shiver runs through her spine. This feels more luxurious than sunbathing in the yacht and sipping the cocktails Sina pretended she wasn’t watching them drink.
She anticipates, but she doesn’t pursue, she allows it to happen. The loophole fills her with pleasure, like shaving time off from a lap. A pleasant lassitude loosens her muscles; she spreads her legs, her pussy pulses with arousal, but she won’t do anything, she’s waiting as she has done every night. Her persistence has always rewarded her in races, this is no different.
When Nico finally switches off the PlayStation Lewis drifts up from the drowsiness she’d fallen into with a jolt at the static twang of the TV set going out. She lies still in breathless anticipation as Nico goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth and piss. Nico likes brushing her teeth in the toilet, something Lewis always made fun of her for, but the sound of the piss stream hitting the porcelain makes Lewis run hotter. It’s as if everything has taken on an erotic cast now that she knows what Nico is capable of.
The mattress is too expensive to dip when Nico gets into bed, but Lewis feels the heat coming off of her skin. “Lewis? Are you awake?”
She doesn’t say anything, her breathing is steady. Nico waits, she closes a hand around Lewis’ shoulder and shakes. “I know you’re awake, come on.”
This is a test, but Lewis has aced it before. She makes an annoyed sound and pulls away from Nico’s hand, burying her face further into the pillow. Nico waits for a beat, Lewis can feel her gaze boring into the back of her head. It’s a standstill, both of them waiting the other out. Lewis heart races, she hopes Nico can’t hear it.
The next thing she feels are Nico’s knees slotting behind her own, and hard nipples against the skin of her back. It’s hard to stay motionless in these moments, she still doesn’t know how she didn’t make a sound when she felt Nico’s fingers moving inside her; didn’t know it was possible to come in absolute silence until she had to.
For a moment, all Nico does is breathe into her nape, their bodies curled into each other like twin commas. A sense of calm descends over Lewis, the animal comfort Nico’s proximity almost lulls her to sleep, she isn’t aware of how much time passes before she feels fingers trailing up her hip, coming to a stop at the band of her panties.
Nico’s fingers follow random patterns up and down Lewis thigh, not really doing anything but feeling the skin and raising goose flesh in their wake. Lewis worries it might be a tell, that if she were really asleep her body wouldn’t react this way, but how is she supposed to know? It’s as if Nico is trying to fake her out, going left on the track when Lewis is trying to overtake from the inside. It’s a competition even here.
A whispered, “Lewis?” against her nape makes her clench a fist beneath the pillow to avoid a shiver. Nico follows it up with her lips, wet and sucking against Lewis’ skin like she wants to leave a mark. Lewis squeezes her eyes so tightly that stars burst beneath her eyelids. Her pussy drools like a hungry mouth.
Nico makes a noise, a tiny strangled whimper, she’s draped half over Lewis’ back and rubbing herself down on her thigh. Lewis can feel the humidity of her panties soaking her skin, she wishes there was nothing in the way. She wishes Nico would take her hand and pull it inside her panties so Lewis could feel her soaking pussy on her fingertips, play with the sticky blond pubes and then shove two fingers into her cunt. She wishes Nico would give her no choice in that either.
The whimpers Nico buries into the back of Lewis’ head turn into sobs. She sounds pained, Lewis’ wants to comfort her, but she wouldn’t know what to say, and speaking at all would be a bigger betrayal than doing nothing. So she remains still as Nico rubs her face into her braids, drying tears of frustration into Lewis’ hair.
“Lewis.” This time she doesn’t call out like she’s expecting an answer, it sounds like a plea. Lewis lets her own name dissolve into the suffocating heat of the bedroom. Not even a window is open, their skin burns where it meets. Nico’s fingers turn mean, she grabs handfuls of flesh and squeezes. Lewis winces into the pillow, it hurts, but that only excites her more, the inside of her thighs stick together. One of Nico’s hands crawls up over her hip and across her stomach, the muscle jumps at the touch, Lewis can’t get her body’s reactions under control. And when Nico grabs her tit in her palm, pinching a nipple between index and middle finger, she has to bite the inside of her cheek not to make a sound.
Growing impatient, Nico shoves her other hand down the back of Lewis’ panties, artlessly pulling them to the side by the seat so she can reach Lewis pussy from below. She’s draped almost fully over Lewis, pressing her down into the mattress, one knee between Lewis legs so she can keep them spread apart.
Nico curses under her breath at the first brush of her knuckles against Lewis’ cunt. “Slut.” The word strikes like a whip, Lewis boils with shame and arousal. She can feel how wet she is, and when Nico sinks two fingers into her they slide inside with no friction. Lewis’ mouth falls open in a moan, the pillow soaks up the sound and the spit that floods her mouth with each rough thrust of Nico’s fingers. It’s as if she’s daring Lewis to drop the pretense with the relentless pace she sets. Lewis cunt clings hungrily to Nico, welcoming the intrusion and the rough treatment with rhythmic tightening and lurid slickness.
Nico’s lips mouth silent words into Lewis shoulder, her teeth scrape the skin with a hiss whenever Lewis squeezes around her. Lewis wonders if it hurts her, if her cunt grinds the fine bones of Nico’s fingers into each other with each spasm of pleasure. Nico lets go of her tit to slide her other hand beneath Lewis’ hips, and rub artlessly at her clit, trying in vain to match the pace of her seeking fingers. It strikes Lewis suddenly that they have never kissed on the lips, not even as a dare, not even to see what if felt like. Perhaps even without a god to watch her, Nico is afraid too, and that’s why she can only touch Lewis at night, when every gaze turns inwards.
Lewis is great in the corners, everyone tells her so. She always finds the space between what she’s allowed and what she must have. She can’t escape god’s gaze, but maybe she can outrun it long enough if Nico is the one giving chase. Lewis is always faster if someone is trying to catch her.
She wishes she could make it last; the heady climb up to orgasm so much like chasing the finish line on a final lap, the same sense of delicious inevitability. Well-earned victory. She comes with a tiny sigh, her entire body rendered numb while her insides coil. It hurts to hold herself so still when all she wants to do is scream and rip her nails down Nico’s back, in supplication, in accusation.
Nico feels it too, because she bites down on Lewis shoulder like a dog, her fingers moving to draw out as much tortured pleasure from Lewis’ body as she can. For a moment, Lewis thinks she’s going to continue fucking her, hopes desperately that she will, but Nico pulls out her fingers with a whine, her sticky hands shake when she pushes herself off of Lewis and falls on her back on the mattress.
There’s only a moment of silence before Nico lets out a gasp, and Lewis knows without needing to look that she’s fucking herself with the same fingers she used on Lewis, sinking them into her pussy as far as they’ll go. If she was less scared she would turn around and watch, she would replace Nico’s numb fingers with her own and hold her as she shook apart through an orgasm that Lewis would drink down from her open mouth. If she was even braver she’d dive between Nico’s legs and eat her out until her jaw hurt, until Nico begged her to stop and Lewis ignored her and kept going and going, just to see how many times she could make Nico come until she passed out.
She does nothing of the sort, she remains still as the dead and listens as Nico comes with a cry she tries to muffle into the back of her arm. She falls asleep to the sound of Nico’s sobs.
---
In the morning Lewis wakes up alone. Light streams into the bedroom, bathing it in the stark brightness of Mediterranean summers. Nico cracked open a window before leaving, and a curtain drifts in the sea breeze. A great sadness steals over Lewis’ thoughts, the bed feels huge without Nico. The events of the previous night drift in her mind like the boats down at the harbour swaying in the weak current. Without Nico nearby, she might as well have dreamt the whole thing.
The bedroom door opens with a jolt and Nico shuffles in carrying a tray with two bowls of cereal. “Oh good, you’re up. Come help me then, mama will kill me if I spill milk on the rug.”
Lewis gets up, only realizing halfway to Nico that she’s only wearing panties. She grabs her own bowl and sits down on the floor, Nico sits across from her and lays down the tray between them, she’s wearing a t-shirt, but she doesn’t seem bothered by Lewis nakedness.
“What are you staring at? Eat them before they get all soggy and gross.”
Lewis grabs the spoon with shaking hands, in disbelief that the ground hasn’t opened up and swallowed them both. Can she be so lucky twice? “I thought we were out of Frosties,” she says, glad that her voice doesn’t betray her thoughts.
“Papa went out to buy bread and got some more boxes for us. He wants us to hurry, we’re going down to the beach in the morning, and in the afternoon—”
Lewis interrupts her, “Do you think we could get some track time in the afternoon? I want to practice.”
Nico snorts. “Way ahead of you, I already told Papa that tomorrow and the day after we’re going to the track.”
Lewis grins up at her, and shoves a spoonful of cereal into her mouth. “Not long until we’re driving formula 1 cars instead of karts.” Some days she can barely wait, time doesn't want to pass.
“Papa was saying we should enjoy these years, that we’ll miss them when we’re older.” Nico shrugs. “I don’t see why, we’ll be doing the same thing, just in faster cars. Together.”
Lewis hums, “Together.” All her fears seem suddenly as inconsequential as corn flakes floating in milk. She feels foolish for having worried. The two of them are the same, born with an engine in place of a heart. They don’t need to talk to understand each other, they just need to race.