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At first, the idea of going to a Summer Camp had not been that enticing to Blaine. After all, he’s ten now, no longer a small kid that needs to be entertained the whole day - though, apparently, also not a kid who can join on fancy holidays, because he’s too little still. And, don’t take him wrong, camp has been fun so far, but he cannot help but resent the way his older brother has been allowed to join their parents in Cabo and he is stuck in an International Summer Camp in the middle of Connecticut.
Windsor is sort of nice, though, Blaine guesses. Even when the International part has been seriously lacking (he cannot be blamed for thinking they would be able to travel somewhere else during the Summer), he’s met cool friends and the monitors are not that bad. He still can’t help but feel as if his parents had wanted to get rid of him during the Summer, and in the nights where he cannot fall asleep for the life of him, he starts to blame himself. Cooper is nineteen now, and Blaine is pretty sure their parents are too tired to be taking care of a ten year old when they’ve already done the work with their oldest. There is another part of his brain that wants to protest at that, to tell him he’s being unfair, but he usually falls asleep before he can truly listen or pay any attention to it.
He meets Jeff and Nick there, because they all share a cabin. Jeff is from Colorado, and Nick is from Delaware, not that faraway from Blaine, and they’ve been attending the camp for a couple of years already, so Blaine immediately latches onto them, letting the duo become his guides. They are the ones convincing him to sign up for international correspondence, and, whilst Blaine thinks it is a bit silly, he can also see the appeal to it, and he’d be lying if he was to say he didn’t see it as an adventure. Perhaps this being the most International aspect of camp is a bit disappointing, but still. The idea is for him to get an assigned buddy with whom he’s supposed to share letters for the whole Summer, and that sounds kind of exciting.
Jeff gets assigned to Shu-hua, a girl from Thailand who turns out to be super nice and sweet. Nick, on the other hand, gets Emil, a boy from Norway that, while a bit colder than Shu-hua in his interactions, still seems like a cool kid. Seeing both of his friends’ interactions, Blaine is pretty excited to receive his own letter back and see how his international friend is.
He had been assigned to write and received letters from and to Sebastian, from Paris. Luna, their counsellor, had explained to Blaine that whilst Sebastian lived originally in Paris, he was at a Summer Camp himself, in Scotland. She had further explained that Sebastian was half French and half American, as one of his parents was from Chicago, so Blaine was confident they were not going to have any issues communicating. Even when he was in the dark of the French culture, at least they could communicate of their shared one to begin with, right? And after that, Sebastian could teach him about Paris. Or even about Scotland! The possibilities were endless, really.
But he waits. And waits. And waits. Nick and Jeff have receive two already, and have sent their third, and Sebastian still has not replied to Blaine. And he’s received his letter - he’d asked Luna to check if he had, just in case it had been lost in the mail. So. Blaine’s pretty sure Sebastian is just ignoring him.
(It is depressing to just put in him the same boat as he’s already put his brother and, even when he’ll most likely take them out of him come Autumn, his parents as well)
He’s almost lost hope for it when Nick receives his third letter, but then Luna is gently touching his shoulder and handing him a letter, his name and the Camp’s address messily written on one side, and Sebastian’s name and address written on the other. Blaine feels his heart skip a beat at that, and he has to bite his tongue hard to not laugh out loud, pretty sure he’ll look like a maniac if he does so. Instead, he thanks Luna and sneaks out to read the letter on his own, happy he has so much experience getting away thanks to his brother’s shenanigans.
Finding a good spot behind a tree just around the corner, Blaine sits down and carefully opens the envelope, pulling the letter out. His first sign of things not being right is how short he can already tell it is. The second is when he actually reads it.
Blaine,
First of, I am not doing the whole ‘dear buddy’ thing, because it is stupid. I am Sebastian, I am ten, and I am very much against doing this, because it is stupid, too. I do not want to be in this stupid camp and I do not want to be sending stupid letters. I just sent this one because my counsellor forced me to, and he’s annoying.
But. Yeah. I am not doing this whole thing, so do not expect me to. I don’t want to be here, and I do not want to be doing this.
Have a nice summer, I guess.
Sebastian.
Blaine blinks at the letter for a long moment, feeling his cheeks reddening in embarrassment. God, he’s an idiot. He’s written to Sebastian, wanting to make a friend, and gets this in return, he… well.
He didn’t exactly wanted to do this in the first place either, and only did it because Nick and Jeff had managed to convince him. Blaine’s frown deepens at that, trying to imagine Sebastian at his own camp, trying to finish a letter he’s being forced to write. Maybe he doesn’t have friends participating with him, maybe his friends have agreed this is stupid. Blaine knows he’d react in a similar way if he had people laughing at him for writing a letter. And his Mom has always told him to be kind with people, and patient. To give second chances.
So maybe he can be kind to Sebastian. And respect his wishes.
Blaine runs back to his bungalow, happy when neither of his roommates are there at the moment. He puts Sebastian’s letter, now back in his envelope, in his empty suitcase, and sits down on the shared desk, drawing paper and a pencil in front of him, with a determined look on his face.
Sebastian,
It’s fine, I get it. My friends convinced me of doing this, but I can imagine it is not fun all of the time.
If you don’t ever want me to reach out it’s okay, and I understand. But if you ever want to reach out, please find my address and my home’s phone number attached. I will always be happy to answer you if you ever want to talk.
Have a nice Summer!
Blaine
Blaine re-reads the letter five times, triple-checks his address and phone number is correct, and then he puts the letter in one of the envelops the counsellors had given them for their future letters, writing Sebastian’s address and letting Luna eventually fill out the camp’s. Once he’s happy with all of it, Blaine runs out of his room and goes to find Luna, thankfully catching her before she goes to town to send more letters and conduct other chores. She’s as sweet as ever, winking at Blaine when he gives her the letter, and encourages him to join everyone else down at the lake; if they’re nice they are going to have a water fight in it. And, figuring there is nothing better to do with his time, Blaine does as told.
The weeks from then on move slowly at first, in the same way weeks during Summer time do when you are expecting something else. Blaine learns his parents and brother are now in Italy, and he gets mad enough he refuses to talk to them for a good week. Two for Cooper, because when he talks to him again his brother makes a point to tell him how good the ice cream he’d eaten the night before was.
He waits for a response for Sebastian for one week, then two, and halfway through the third he feels stupid for ever doing so. He tells Nick and Jeff about the letter, and his answer, and his friends declare Sebastian an idiot first, and drag Blaine to sneak out and steal some ice cream sandwiches with them second. It is when they are all hiding underneath a canoe, when Blaine is eating his ice cream while watching Nick tell Jeff to be more quiet if they don’t want to get caught, that Blaine decides to forget about Sebastian. He’s having fun at camp, despite what he had believed when he’d first been dropped off, and he’s already sent an invitation to keep in touch with Sebastian. At this point he cannot do anything more, and he doesn’t want to. Shushing Jeff as well, Blaine forgets about it.
Once he’s decided to have fun and forget about families abroad and slightly rude letter buddies, Summer goes by quick. Blaine occupies his days with fun activities in the sun, in the water, and on a few occasions on the day-trips to places close enough to camp. He endures the classes that for some reason all are forced to take, even if being a A+ student is a requirement to be accepted into the camp, and continues to sneak out with Nick and Jeff around camp, more often than not when it is already dark and it is harder for them to get caught.
He forgets about his family, who take the time to travel to France, England, and then back to LA to help Cooper move into yet another apartment, and he is actually sad when Summer comes to an end and he has to leave his friends at camp and go back to his parents. Cooper is not with them when they come to pick Blaine up, but the kid doesn’t mind that much. He hugs them in greeting, wanting to put them up to date and tell them everything he’s done at camp during the Summer, and Michael and Eleanor are happy to follow him around and listen to him. They meet Jeff and Nick, and their parents, and they all share an early lunch before getting Blaine’s things into the truck, ready to head to the airport.
He spends a good fifteen minutes saying goodbye to everyone at camp, and an extra ten to say goodbye to Jeff and Nick, promising to keep in touch and to try to see each other before the next Summer.
Once he gets back to Westerville he has to get ready to go back to school, and soon enough his parents organise a lunch with their closest family friends to complain about the stress that it is going back to school. It is then that Blaine finally reunites with his oldest friend, tackling John in a hug the moment he has him close. John laughs and hugs back, and he leans back to take Blaine off the ground for a moment, because he’s annoyingly tall already. Blaine lets him do anyway, but only because he’s missed him.
Their parents are quick to sit in the garden with beverages, and encourage the kids to jump into the pool and have fun of their own.
“You know they do this to get rid of us, right?” John asks, playfully pushing Blaine in before canon-balling next to him. Blaine huffs at him, pushing him underwater for a moment before he swims away to avoid John’s wrath.
“Should I remind you I’ve just come back from a full term Summer Camp, John?” He asks, getting a slightly guilty smile from his friend “. It’s fine, I had fun”
“I believe that” John nods “. I heard your Dad tell my Dad you barely wanted to leave”
“It was nice there” Blaine admits “. And I met plenty of nice people… even with classes it is better than school here”
“That’s fair” John nods, interrupting their conversation briefly to do a handspring underneath the water. Blaine can only roll his eyes at the splash of water, and splashes more towards him once he comes back up “. Met cool kids then?”
“Yeah” Blaine nods “. Especially Jeff and Nick, they were my best friends there. Jeff is from Colorado, from a city close to Denver, and Nick is from Boston. We talked about getting together before next Summer, maybe they’ll come here during a break. You should join us”
“Sounds good” John nods, smiling “. You know, if we all get along we could all attend Dalton. We just have to convince their parents of sending them there… we probably can, it is one of the best schools in the country”
Blaine huffs his cheeks at that, going underwater for a long moment and only coming back up when air is needed, to John’s exasperation. Blaine shakes his head, sending water everywhere and ignoring his friend complaining “. I’ve told you I am not sure I will even go there” he eventually says.
“And I still don’t get it” John complains “. It’s a cool school! And we can board and share a room if we go”
“I know, it’s just - Cooper told me it would be too easy”
“Seriously?” John asks, snorting “. Cooper? The one who barely graduated high school?”
“He’s focusing on arts” Blaine argues “. And he said going to Dalton is like getting things done for you… so, I don’t know. Maybe I want to go to the same high school he went to”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, B” John says, shrugging “. Dalton is the best thing for us”
“And still years away” Blaine points out “. So. We can talk about it… later, I guess”
“Once we convince Nick and Jeff?”
“Yeah, sure”
John looks entirely unconvinced by that, but Blaine solves that by throwing himself at him, starting a war fight that only ends when they are called for lunch.
It isn’t until weeks after going back home that it actually happens. Blaine is in his room, doing some school reading. Apparently teachers think it okay to give them readings after the first week. John says it is mental, and Blaine cannot help but agree with his oldest friend.
“Blaine?” He hears, his mother’s voice softly breaking the silence. He looks up from his book, wondering if he’s going to be reprimanded to be reading on top of his bed instead of sitting at his desk, but instead he finds his mother smiling gently at him “. You have a call, sweetheart”
“A call?” Blaine asks back, frowning slightly “. Cooper?”
He’s half excited about the prospect of receiving a call from his brother. His anger towards him has mostly subdued, and whilst he’s still mad at the way Cooper pretends his life in Ohio has never existed, he still is foolish enough to be hoping for a call and a change of heart. But his mother shakes her head, crossing her arms across her chest delicately.
“Not Cooper. He says he’s a friend of yours”
“A friend of mine” Blaine repeats.
“From your Summer camp, I believe. You can take the call on your father’s studio and then take it here, if you want” she says before leaving Blaine be. The youngest Anderson figures why not, and is quick to get to the studio, wondering who it could be. Surely not Nick or Jeff, his Mom actually knows them, so…
“Hello?” He asks, once he picks up the phone. His words are met with silence, however, which makes him wonder if the other person had waited for too long and hung up “. Hi…? Is someone there?”
He has to wait for a few moments and is quite close to actually hang up, but then “. Let it be known, I still think this is stupid”
Blaine gasps at the sound of the voice, and he knows who it is rather instantly, which maybe is a bit wild “. Sebastian?” He asks, just to be sure.
“Yeah” the other boy sighs “. You gave me your number in your last letter”
“I did” Blaine confirms “. I just didn’t think you’d actually call”
“Yeah, me neither” Sebastian says, staying silent for a few moments before sighing “. It’s just a bit dumb, isn't it? How we are treated like stupid children that need help to have new friends”
“I don’t think it’s like that” Blaine softly disagrees, walking out of his father’s studio and into his room. He can hear his Mom downstairs, probably redecorating their living room in a fall manner for the fifth time that week. His Dad is out, working, so Blaine knows no one will eavesdrop their conversation “. They just thought it’d be fun to meet people on the other side of where we live. My friends had buddies from Taiwan, Norway, Morocco, Mexico…”
“Yeah, the picture perfect for UNESCO” Sebastian huffs at the other side.
“What?”
“Nothing, something my Dad says” Sebastian replies.
“Well, either way, I am happy to hear from you, Sebastian. Can I ask why did you decide to call in the end?” Blaine asks, sitting down on his bed.
Sebastian stays silent once more at that, but Blaine doesn’t mind. He can be patient with him “. I… might have overreacted a little bit in my letter. Even when this whole thing was obviously a bit stupid”
“Obviously”
“I still overreacted” Sebastian admits “. I was mean and it’s not like you did anything for me to act mean. I… I was just mad”
“Why?”
“Because… well, it’s just… I hate Scotland”
“You hate Scotland. Why? Scotland is nice, I’ve seen it in movies”
“I guess. It’s just… my parents sent me to Scotland to spend the Summer. And by the time I received your letter I had already guessed I’d be staying here for the year, and I hate it. I want to be in Paris, not kilometres and kilometres away from there. And from my family”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Sebastian” Blaine replies, truly feeling sorry for his friend. He himself had hated being sent to camp for the Summer, and he had had a lot of fun during his time there. Not to mention, he’d been able to go back home “. Why did they send you there?”
It takes another minute for Sebastian to answer. Again, Blaine doesn’t mind - sometimes deep answers are hard, and it is frustrating for him when his parents or Cooper urge him to get there faster. He can almost hear Sebastian shrugging through the phone before he answers.
“My parents told me I was just throwing accusations, but I know, Blaine. I am sure. My parents… they are possibly going to separate. I won’t be surprised if they fully divorce, or if they are on their way to be divorced now. I think they thought it was easier to send me away while they dealt with all of it”
“I am so sorry, Sebastian” Blaine immediately answers, wanting nothing more than to help his friends.
“It’s fine” Sebastian sniffs “. I don’t even know why I told you, this is stupid”
“It very much is not, you idiot. You told me because you needed to tell someone, and you called me because maybe you thought I would listen. Which I am doing”
“You’re sort of smart”
“Thanks. My parents would send me to a military camp if I wasn’t, I think” Sebastian lets a startled laugh at that, and Blaine decides to take that as a personal victory “. Look, I can’t say I know how it feels, because my parents are together. But I want to be your friend, and you can always call me and talk to me about it. As much as you want”
“Maybe not as much” Sebastian disagrees, but Blaine can tell his voice is much more playful, and not as defensive as it was at the beginning of their call “. I do live in Scotland right now, and you in Ohio. We have a five hour time difference”
“That’s true” Blaine mumbles “. So it is a bit late for you now, huh?”
“I have to go to dinner soon” Sebastian confirms “. But we get an hour every day to call home if we want. I didn’t want that, so I called you”
“That’s fine. You can call me as much as you want, Sebastian”
“Right” Sebastian murmurs, taking another moment for himself “. Why? You don’t have to now that Summer camp is over, I checked. And I was mean to you”
“Maybe you were a bit mean” Blaine admits “. But I understand… well, I understand how family sometimes makes you sad. And I needed someone to talk about it, and some of my friends sort of understood it, but not that much. So, I think…maybe we can be that for each other. If you want to”
He hears it rather immediately; a soft huff of air, pushed out of Sebastian almost in surprise. Blaine sort of knows it must have been a smile “. Okay” he finally agrees “. We can be that for each other”
“Friends?”
“Friends”
It seems like one phone call kind of breaks some barrier. Blaine isn’t too sure of it, of what was it that he said that worked with Sebastian, but he is not complaining. Now his friend is calling him almost every single day, mostly getting to know each other, but also talking about their days to each other. Now that some weeks have passed, Blaine cannot be happy enough Sebastian decided to call and become friends, because he has never met someone like him before. Someone who could follow his train of thought, who listened, someone who got his jokes even when they were incredibly bad.
Of course, of course, soon enough things had to change. Because, of course.
“Blaine, son, could you come up to my studio?”
Blaine frowns from his spot in the den, pausing the DVD he was watching before he does as his father has asked to. Briefly, he wonders if he’s done something wrong - but his homework is always up to date, the one test he’s already had he had a perfect score in, and his chores for the day were done before he started watching TV. So he’s coming up blank.
His Dad is sitting behind the desk, studying intently a paper that is getting Blaine to feel more nervous, even when he doesn’t know why exactly “. Dad?” He asks, a bit nervous. Michael raises his eyes, a bit startled, and gestures for Blaine to sit in front of him.
“Kid” he says after a moment “. Could you begin to explain to me why our phone bill is so expensive this month?” He asks, and Blaine’s breath catches on his throat “. I’ve already asked your Mother, but she has not made this many calls. And this phone is not your brother’s. In fact, it is not from the US, which is incredibly worrying. Who have you been calling?”
“My friend Sebastian” Blaine replies with a tiny voice, immediately.
“Sebastian” Michael repeats “. I don’t know a friend of yours by that name”
“He’s a new friend” Blaine says “. He’s a friend from abroad, from Summer Camp. I told you about the assigned international buddies”
“And if I recall correctly, you mentioned you hadn’t talked that much to yours”
“Not during camp” Blaine admits “. Because he thought it was s… silly” he autocorrects, wanting to avoid an unnecessary talk about language “. But he called me a few weeks ago, Mom took that call. We made peace and are friends now”
“Right” Michael murmurs, leaving the paper be and softly massaging the bridge of his nose “. And this Sebastian… where does he even live?”
“He’s in Scotland” Blaine reveals “. At a boarding school. But his Dad is from Chicago and his Mom is from Paris”
“But he’s in Scotland”
“Yeah”
“Right” Michael repeats, truly looking like Blaine’s words have exhausted him.
“We’ve become really close, Dad” Blaine adds, timidly “. He gets me, and I get him, and I really like him as a friend. Is that okay?”
Michael keeps silent for a long moment after that, but Blaine doesn’t mind. It is not often that his father gives him a lot of his time, much less so to debate something that is worrisome to Blaine, so he knows to appreciate it. Even when his silence is making him feel as if he has ants underneath his skin. Finally, his father lets out a deep sigh, and instantly Blaine knows he’s not going to like his next words.
“Look, Blaine - this bill is… astronomical. Especially compared to the ones we have from past months. You cannot be spending money like that”
“I get that” Blaine murmurs, trying and failing to hide his disappointed frown “. I just wanted to talk with my friend, Dad”
“I hear you” Michael nods “. But this is not like calling Nick, or Jeff, or any other friend from that camp that lives in the States. Calling abroad, and another continent at that, is much more expensive. So you cannot keep doing this”
“I’m sorry” Blaine immediately apologises “. I didn’t realise, Dad. I just wanted to talk to Sebastian… he is my best friend, and it already sucks he’s across the Atlantic. I… I am sorry, I just- I don’t want to lost him completely. Please”
Michael’s face changes at that, in a way Blaine is not used to see and thus, cannot fully understand. He follows his Dad with his eyes when the man raises from his desk, and closes them when he walks to him and leans down, kissing the top of his head in the way he does not do that much anymore.
“We will figure something out, okay?” He asks, but his voice doesn’t do much to reassure Blaine “. But these calls need to stop”
“Fine” Blaine murmurs, knowing better than to discuss his father’s words “. Can I at least call him to tell him that? I don’t want him thinking I disappeared”
Michael takes a moment after that, but eventually he nods and lets Blaine leave the studio with the phone on his hand. The younger Anderson isn’t entirely sure if Sebastian is home, but he still rings him up when he reaches his room, and then proceeds to explain to him what his father had told him.
“That is stupid” Sebastian complains the second Blaine is done with his explanation “. B, you have to know it is stupid. You have to agree with me on this”
“I do” Blaine agrees “. I just know arguing against my Dad is making things worse. At least now he wants to think of a way to make things better”
“I guess” Sebastian murmurs “. I just, I don’t get it. Your family has money, no? You wouldn’t have been able to attend camp if your family didn’t have enough”
“We have money, it’s not about paying the bill” Blaine replies “. My parents just don’t want me spending money… I think they are trying to learn from my brother. He ran through, like, three cars from the moment he turned sixteen to when he left for LA”
“And he left at…?”
“After he graduated high school. So. Eighteen”
“Right. That is not your fault, B. It’s unfair they are punishing you for what he did”
“I don’t think it’s punishment, just… trying to avoid things from happening again” Blaine shrugs “. I promise, Bas. I promise we will figure something out”
“Fine” Sebastian says after a long moment of silence “. And hey, I know I said I thought letters are stupid, but I will send them if I have to”
“Well, good. I am not letting you get rid of me” Blaine says, hearing a huff of laughter.
“Good. Because I don’t want you to get rid of me”
“I wouldn’t”
“Good” Sebastian says again “. So… I guess goodbye? For just a little bit?”
“For just a little bit, Bas. I promise”
Blaine spends the next few days trying to think what to do, other than conform to simply do letters. It’s not the worst think, but it will take a while for them to even hear back from the other.
He hears from John about a new café his mother had taken him to that has computers, and he figures e-mails should be easier, and quicker. He does not have any type of email address, but he can figure that out, or ask his parents to help him figure it out, although that one possibility he doesn’t entertain as much. He also has to figure out how to get to the café when he wants to go, because his father works too much to go and take him, and his mother is busy enough as well. But, maybe in between moments of extracurriculars - maybe then he can sneak out and go to the café. He can save up and use that money to send the emails, try to see if Sebastian can use the school’s computer to send the emails back. Or find a café similar to the one Blaine hopes to go to.
He’s in the middle of tracing his plan on his notebook when his Dad goes into his room, not even a week after their talk. He has box in his hands and a kind smile on his face that Blaine returns in an instant.
“Hey, kiddo” Michael greets him, going in and sitting on Blaine’s bed “. Busy?”
“Not much” Blaine replies, shaking his head.
“Good. Because I want to talk to you. Can we?”
“Sure” Blaine nods, and when his father pats the space next to him, Blaine goes to sit there, looking up at the older Anderson with a curious look in his eyes “. What do you want to talk about, Dad?”
“Well, I thought about our talk from the other day” Michael says “. And I talked to your Mom about it, too. And we agreed that, while we do not want those calls to build up our phone bill as much as they were doing, we don’t want you losing an important friendship for you. Because you care a lot about Sebastian, right?”
“A lot” Blaine confirms “. He’s my best friend. But we agreed if we cannot call, we can always send letters. And John talked to me about a new café downtown, close to where I take my music lessons. They have computers there. I could go before or after class, and use those. That way Mom and you don’t have to hurry in picking me up. I was just writing down a plan for that”
“And that is very smart of you, Bear” Michael nods, looking amused by his son’s planning “. I have another idea - Mom and I talked, and we’ve agreed you have been doing an amazing job at school, and you’re only getting closer to middle school now. And we checked your classes syllabus for this year, and you’d be benefited from further access to information. Under some limitations, of course”
“I… don’t get it, Dad. Does that mean you’re letting me go to the café?”
“That means, Mom and I thought you can have your own computer now” Michael reveals, and Blaine’s jaw drops momentarily “. Of course, you are going to have rules you will obey, or your computer will be taken away, alright?”
“Alright”
“Following our rules, however, you can use your computer to work on school, and to call Sebastian. You can video call him, if you talk to Sebastian and he agrees. Do we agree?”
“Yes!” Blaine exclaims enthusiastically. His Dad barely has time to put the box that, now Blaine knows, has the computer in it, aside, before the kid is throwing himself at him, tackling him in a bear hug “. Thank you so much, Dad! I promise I will follow the rules and I will be super responsible”
“Good” Michael nods “. This will help you learn to be responsible as well, so be smart about it, alright?”
“Alright. I promise I will be responsible”
“Good boy. You can still have a couple of calls a month, max, alright? But this is so we don’t have both things going on at the same time”
“Okay. Thanks Dad” Blaine repeats, hugging him tighter “. I will thank Mom when she comes back home”
“Sounds good, kiddo. Want me to help you install the computer on your desk?”
“Yes, please!” Blaine exclaims, almost throwing himself off the bed. Michael smiles amusedly at his son, but diligently helps him install the computer, and then helps him set it up, and creates him an email address, and a Skype account. It is early enough in the day Blaine has to wait a couple of hours to call Sebastian, and that time is enough to get him a bit nervous.
He’s been talking to him for weeks, and he’s his best friend, but he’s never actually seen his face. His friends from camp eventually sent pictures and received pictures as well, and the counsellor had done a nice mural at the end of the summer with all the pics. But Blaine had just gotten one letter back, and not exactly nice, so, needless to say, he had never gotten an actual picture of Sebastian. And it’s not like they’ve actually described one another to each other, so he does not know what his best friend looks like.
He’s excited to see him, although a bit nervous. It’s not like Sebastian’s appearance will change their friendship, so Blaine guesses it’s just jitters. He’s used to see his friends, and Sebastian has been different from the get go. It will be fun to change it up, he guesses.
The moment he knows it is safe to call Sebastian, he picks up the phone and dials his number, already engraved in his memory.
“I thought your Dad didn’t let you call me” Sebastian says the second the picks up the phone “. Are you sneaking around?”
“No, I’m not” Blaine laughs “. I thought I’d have to ask someone from your school to go and search for you. Were you next to the phone, Bas?”
“Shut up” Sebastian says, ignoring Blaine’s laugh “. I just happened to be close by, and when I saw the number I realised it was you. That’s it”
“Sure, sure”
“So? Is your Dad letting you call me now?”
“More or less” Blaine shrugs “. He got me a computer, to work on classwork but also to talk to you. He said we can send emails, and call each other on Skype. Do you have access to a computer?”
“Not right now, but I can get one pretty fast”
“Really? How?”
“My parents” Sebastian replies, and Blaine can perceive his pretended indifference from his room in Ohio, distance be damned “. You know how they’ve been since officially starting the divorce, B”
“They’re still doing that?”
“Oh yeah” Sebastian confirms “. They’re deep in the phase of, except letting me come home, let me have whatever I want, whenever I want. I am sure if I tell them I want a computer they’ll be racing each other to see who can get me one quicker”
“That’s… nice, I guess”
“I don’t care if it is, to be honest. As long as it gets me to speak to you more again. And now from the privacy of my room, hopefully”
“Hopefully” Blaine nods “. Hey, so - write down my email and Skype user. This way, when you get the computer you can directly email me, or call me”
“Sure” Sebastian nods, and only takes a moment to go and find a paper and pen. They don’t talk much about that, as Blaine doesn’t want to push too hard with his parents, and he uses the next few days to prove to his parents he’s being responsible. He only uses the computer to search a couple of things for school, and uses any free time from extracurriculars and homework to do chores around the house.
(Okay, maybe he hangs out with friends, mainly with John, as well, but. He makes sure to do his chores faster)
It shouldn’t take him by that much of a surprise, and yet it does, when one day he hears the Skype call come from his computer. He won’t admit to anyone, not even Sebastian or John, that he’s had it open just in case for days, so he should’ve somehow expected it. Instead, he startles and almost runs to it from the rather short distance from his bed to his desk. He forces himself to take a deep breath, and then clicks on accept.
It takes a long moment, but eventually the call connects and the image clears. And then Blaine’s breath catches when he finally sees Sebastian. His best friend is… somehow how Blaine had imagined him.
It is not necessarily in a physical way. Sebastian has defined features, high cheekbones and a beautiful smile. His hair is straight in the way Blaine’s isn’t, and it looks like John’s a bit, in the way it is turning from a kid blond to a brown colour. The most pretty thing to him are his eyes, Blaine thinks. Even through the screen he can tell they’re light, in a pretty evergreen tint. At the sight of Blaine, they shine.
But it is more than that. He has a warmth to him that feels familiar to Blaine, like something he knows and is used to. He seems close to him, if that makes sense, as if this is not the first time Blaine is laying his eyes on him.
Comforting. Sebastian is comforting.
“Blaine” Sebastian smiles, and his smile sort of lights up his whole face “. Oh my god, hi”
“Hi” Blaine smiles, unable to help the giddy laugh that escapes him “. I didn’t know you were going to call”
“So you were also waiting close by huh” Sebastian says, making Blaine laugh again.
“I so wasn’t. I just happened to be reading on my bed”
“Sure thing, B” Sebastian replies, leaning back on his chair. He takes a couple of minutes for them, most likely observing Blaine in the way Blaine is observing him “. I’m so happy we could finally call, you know”
“Yeah, same” Blaine nods, a brilliant smile still on his face “. I almost thought this would never happen”
“Same” Sebastian agrees “. Which… would’ve sucked so much”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah” Sebastian confirms “. You… okay, don’t laugh”
“I’m not gonna. Promise”
“You kinda are my best friend” Sebastian confesses, and Blaine immediately decides he likes Skype-calls better. The experience of watching Sebastian blush in real time makes it worth it, and infinitely better.
“Bas, it’s okay” he says, not wanting Sebastian to feel embarrassed “. You’re my best friend, too”
“Yeah?”
“Of course yeah. I told my Dad so”
“You did?”
“Yeah” Blaine shrugs “. I told him I didn’t want to lose my best friend. And I was being truthful, you know”
“Me too” Sebastian murmurs, looking down at his lap and blushing even more “. You’re the best part of this shitshow in Scotland. Even from Ohio”
Blaine laughs at that, distantly grateful he’s alone at home. He doesn’t need his parents to listen in on his conversation, much less if they are going to tell Cooper later.
“Noted. So, tell me… who gave the computer to you? Your Mom or your Dad?”
Sebastian stays in Scotland for the whole school year, much to his displeasure. He tries to stay in Paris when he goes for Christmas, but by then his father has gone back to the States, and his Mom is trying to ‘find herself again’ (direct quote - Sebastian had gone over the top, with an exaggerated French accent and flailing arms included). He gets something close to his wish however, because, after a second stint at Summer Camp (parallel to Blaine going back to Connecticut, reuniting with Nick and Jeff and dragging John along with him), he attends a new boarding school, this time in Lyon. Despite being back in France, Blaine knows Sebastian isn’t exactly happy about his situation - it takes him a long while, but he can tell his best friend just wants to be in Paris, with his mother. Yet it is constantly denied of that.
He doesn’t last the whole year there, which Blaine knows infuriates his parents, and what he takes as his victory by being sent back to Paris is short lived. He stays in the city for only a couple of months, until he’s sent away to yet another Summer Camp. It’s even worse this time, because he’s sent to a different one, and one where they don’t have the international buddy system they had at his old one. It means they barely communicate during that Summer, that Blaine feels incredibly guilty at times when he’s having the fun of his life with his friends whilst Sebastian is lonely, and mad. Eventually, when they finally see each other’s faces after weeks and weeks of not doing so, Sebastian tells Blaine to not be silly. He repeats, again and again, how happy he is for Blaine, and how he deserves to have fun. It’s not Blaine’s fault his parents have it for him.
He’s sent to Dublin then, where he surprisingly lasts an entire school year this time, and then he’s sent to London. He lasts the longest there, right up until Blaine is about to start high school. And then, by some miracle, Sebastian’s Mom lets him join her in Paris. She’s living in the 7th arrondissement by then, in an apartment structured in a way where her room and Sebastian’s are at opposite ends.
“I know she has me with her because her artist boyfriend has a weird obsession with family, and family bonds” Sebastian tells him from his room in Paris. He doesn’t seem overly annoyed or hurt by his Mother’s reasoning, so Blaine figures he can resent Colette in private, but be supportive in front of Sebastian “. I’m, like, eighty percent sure he’s actively working on an exhibition that talks touches on family bonds and whatnot, so… it’s fine. I guess I should practice being someone’s muse, huh?”
Blaine’s unimpressed stare gets him a laugh and a middle finger, but. He takes it.
Especially because it is so good to see Sebastian so happy again. Paris seems to be good for him, constant arguments with his mother and distance with his father aside, and in the city he discovers he can be whoever he wants to be. It’s nice, Blaine decides, and he also decides to live vicariously through him. More so when his first day at his new high school slowly approaches.
“I don’t want to go” he confesses one day, following his words with a groan. Sebastian observes him from his nightstand, and Blaine’s pretty sure he looks pathetic, lying down in his bed like he’s a sick Victorian child. A theatrical one at that.
“You know, you could always…”
“No, Bas”
“Oh, c’mon. You don’t even know what I was going to say, Killer”
The nickname is sort of new. Sebastian had said he’s merely trying it out at the beginning of the Summer, and yet it’s stuck around. Blaine is still trying to get him to confess what he means when he calls Blaine that.
“Yes I do” he still disagrees.
“How?”
“Because we’ve been best friends for years, and I know you, dumbass”
“Rude”
“You are, yeah”
“Shut up” Sebastian replies, snorting “. Anyway, I was just going to say you could always go to Dalton”
“Sebastian”
“What?” He asks “. John and you finally managed to convince Nick and Jeff, and their parents, to sign them up for Dalton. And yet you won’t go”
“But they’ll be closer” Blaine complains “. I will see them more”
“You’d be seeing them more if you were at Dalton. I still don’t understand why you won’t tell your Dad to just enrol you there. I know he’s dying to do it - even your Mom mentioned it the last time she said hi to me”
“I know” Blaine groaned, rubbing his eyes until he sees colours.
“Stop doing that, it always gives you a headache”
“Hmm”
“Seriously, Killer” Sebastian tries again after a couple of minutes “. Why? I don’t get it”
“Because… I need to try public high school”
“Again with that?”
“You asked me why. I told you why”
“No, you told me what you’ve been telling yourself for months, if not years. B, you’re just… trying to follow your brother for no reason. And trying to reason this into that, but I still am not sure it is the real reason. And copying your brother is so stupid”
“It’s not-“
“Killer, you don’t even like your brother that much. And it is not like your brother is even answering your calls in the first place”
“Okay, enough” Blaine says, sitting up. Sebastian shuts it immediately, and he looks genuinely remorseful by his words.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, B. Don’t be mad, alright?”
Blaine sighs, pushing some curls off his forehead and absently thinking he should cut them, soon. Sebastian observes him in silence, in the way one would observe a caged animal, and Blaine knows the words are felt. Sebastian never means to upset him; he is blunt to a fault and doesn’t think things through sometimes, but he wouldn’t hurt him. Still, even when he’s apologised, Blaine is more than aware Sebastian still very much means his words.
But he doesn’t want to fight anymore. And he doesn’t want to talk about it, either. He’s starting his freshman year at a public high school soon, and he’s sure of his decision, and he is not going to change it, and that’s that.
He flops back on his bed, hearing Sebastian’s relieved sigh at that, and puts his hands together over his chest, enjoying the silence for a few moments before he breaks it.
“Do you have any crushes, Sebastian?” He asks, and can almost feel Sebastian’s whiplash at the change of topic. Honestly, not like he can blame him. Sebastian is his best friend, and he’s used to how Blaine’s mind works, but it can still take him by surprise.
Blaine turns his head to be able to look at Sebastian, still looking at him from the nightstand. His best friend is now blushing, so red it is up to his ears. Blaine’s curiosity is irremediably peeked at that; not once in all of the years he’s been best friends with Sebastian he’s seen him blush this hard. It is kind of endearing.
“I don’t”
“You’re blushing”
“It is hot in Paris” Sebastian immediately deflects.
“Nu-uh”
“Uh-huh. I totally don’t have any crush. None whatsoever. Why? Do you have a crush?”
Blaine knows deflection when he sees it, and he’s learned it is one of Sebastian’s favourite things in the world. He’s only letting this one thing go because Sebastian is not pressing him about high school anymore. Instead, he shrugs, moving so now he’s sitting on top of his bed.
“I don’t know… I don’t think so”
“You don’t think so?”
“It’s just… okay” Blaine sighs “. My friends are starting to have crushes. Nick likes this one girl across his street, he’s so upset about being faraway from her once he starts Dalton… and John likes, like, a different girl every week. And David told me he kissed one during his holidays in Tahiti”
“Okay…” Sebastian says, slowly “. What is the issue here, B?”
“I just” Blaine stutters “. I just don’t feel that way about them. About girls, I mean. I’ve tried, I tried to see if I could see them in the way my friends see them, or my brother. He had his first girlfriend when he was nine, I think. He told me he was upset at me being born because he had to cancel a date”
“Remind me to punch your brother when I meet him”
“He’s taller than you”
“Well, maybe in a few years he won’t be. And I can punch him all the same”
“Idiot” Blaine says, but he knows he cannot mask the fondness in his voice “. I guess… girls are beautiful. I know that. And they’re really nice. But I don’t wan to kiss any of them, not like I know my friends do”
“Right”
“I hang out with them, and they keep talking about wanting to get a date, or how they want to kiss them so bad, and… the way they talk. I don’t get it. I don’t feel it”
“Okay”
“What is wrong with me, Bastian?”
“Nothing is” Sebastian says, quick and final “. Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, Killer, you hear me? But, maybe… maybe the whole kissing thing is it”
“What it?”
“Maybe you don’t want to kiss girls, B” Sebastian says, and successfully makes Blaine’s heart stop.
“What… what do you mean by that?”
“That maybe…” Sebastian starts, voice shaky in a way Blaine’s never heard from him “. Maybe you want to kiss boys instead”
“Bas-“
“I know I do”
Sebastian’s words stop Blaine’s heart in his chest for a long second. He looks at Sebastian and is surprised by how nervous he looks. It immediately breaks Blaine’s heart a little.
“You do?” Blaine asks, getting a timid nod from Sebastian “. That is more than fine, Bas. Thank you for telling me”
“Of course” Sebastian replies, smiling softly at him “. And hey, I know this can be very overwhelming, alright? You are kinda the first person I tell out loud”
“Bastian…”
“So. Just think about it, okay? Just for a little bit, think about it. Maybe it clears things out for you. And if it doesn’t, at least you will have more information about yourself”
“I guess. Thank you”
“Always, Killer”
Blaine takes Sebastian’s words in, and starts to think them over, and over again. When he hands out with his friends and they start talking about girls, he tries to listen to the conversation, see if he can follow along and give his own opinion. When he’s unable to do so, he tries to think of doing the same with a boy.
It’s hard. He can’t bring himself to think like that about his friends, whom he sees as brothers more than he sees Cooper on quite the amount of days. Thinking about them like that feels wrong, but Blaine knows it is because of his bond with them, and not because of their gender. So he still tries.
There are plenty of cute guys on TV, on movies, in music. He surprises himself observing boys during his music lessons, and once he starts high school, he also starts noticing how handsome some of his classmates and upper classmates are. He can see himself kissing them in a way he’s never been able to see himself kissing girls. The moment he realises so, it feels as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, because - Sebastian is right. He’d been right all along.
His new founded freedom is not entirely long-lived. In fact, it lasts up until a call with Sebastian, barely a few days after he realises he’s, quite probably, gay. He doesn’t tell Sebastian straight away, doesn’t think he can do it quite yet, and his best friend doesn’t push. Instead he smiles brilliantly at him while he tells him about his new school in Paris, and the instant he smiles Blaine has an immediate thought -
Oh.
No.
He cannot be thinking about kissing Sebastian. He cannot be thinking his smile is beautiful, or how much he wishes he could pull him close, or-
He tries. He tries to force himself to think of Sebastian the same way he thinks of his friends, but it is hard. He tries to put him in the same box he’s put John, and Nick and Jeff, and David, and- but it is impossible. He cannot see Sebastian as his brother, but when he’s his closest friend in the world, so… he should be able to, right? It should be easier than this.
God. He has the biggest crush on his best friend in the entire world, and it hits him right in the middle of his chest, catching his breath and making him cough on nothing. Sebastian is worried about him, especially because this has literally come out of nowhere, and Blaine scrambles to think of one excuse, murmuring something on how he just ate a mosquito and he has to hang up now, because he needs to rinse his mouth. If Sebastian doesn’t buy it (which, most likely) he doesn’t say, instead letting Blaine end their call early.
He spends the next few weeks living from excuse to excuse, not stopping his calls with Sebastian (because, frankly, he thinks he will be like a chicken without a head if he goes without talking to his best friend for more than a couple of days) but ending them early, and spending the rest of his time trying to find advice on how to get over a crush as fast as possible.
Yet, nothing works. He cannot seem to find anyone else nearly as great as Sebastian, or as beautiful, or as fascinating. Things are made harder considering he lives in Ohio, of all places, and it is not like there are a lot of out teenagers around him. Hell, Blaine is not out yet. He’s barely grasping these news about himself, and he knows better than to talk before being certain.
Sebastian lets him do, lets him be, and Blaine knows this is big for his best friend, as Sebastian is not exactly known for his unending patience. Yet he shows an exemplary amount with Blaine, not complaining about the short calls or about the way Blaine cannot seem to stop stuttering during their calls. Honestly - Blaine needs to get it together. Like, yesterday.
He lets things go this way for three weeks, until he reaches the final destination and knows he cannot go on with acting this way. Even his parents have noticed he’s been acting weird, so- time to start coming clean. And the first person has to be Sebastian, whom Blaine knows has been patiently waiting an answer from Blaine since the question of his sexuality came up.
“So” Blaine says the second the call is picked up. He can tell Sebastian is a tiny bit taken back by his initial enthusiasm, but he doesn’t say anything, and instead lets Blaine continue “. I have been thinking about what we talked about. A few weeks ago” he adds.
“Nice. Hello, by the way”
“Yes, yes, hi. Thing is, I… I think you were right. About me” Blaine says, and he hates how he cannot hide the shaking in his voice, how he still feels incredibly nervous even when he is talking to Sebastian. He knows his best friend will only be supportive, even more so when he himself is also feeling the same things, but… it is still nerve-wracking.
“Yeah?” Sebastian asks, voice soft in the way Blaine hasn’t ever heard, not really.
“Yeah” he nods “. I like boys” he confesses, and the moment it is said out-loud it does feel as if a huge weight it is lifted from his shoulders. He doesn’t even stop from taking a deep breath after his words “. I think I’m gay”
“That’s great, Blaine” Sebastian says “. I am happy you figured that out”
“Yeah” Blaine says, huffing a laugh “. I guess it still feels a bit… new. But not uncertain anymore. I am pretty sure of this”
“That’s all that’s important. That you know and are sure of it”
“Thank you, Bas. You are the very first person I told” he confesses, and is at the receiving end of Sebastian’s soft smile a second later.
“Then thank you for that, Killer. It seems it is mutual, huh?”
“It seems like it” Blaine agrees, giggling. Maybe he looks and seems a lunatic, but he feels so relieved now he cannot help it. And it doesn’t seem like Sebastian minds it either. He feels the irrational need to confess further, to tell Sebastian that he has a crush on him, that whilst he does like boys, he in particular likes him. His best friend has taken all of it so good, maybe he can just… confess. Try to see what could happen.
“And hey” Sebastian says, breaking his train of thought “. You will see how great it is for you”
“You think?” Blaine asks, still unsure.
“Of course! You will meet a lot of cute guys that will die for you and will worship the ground you walk on”
Blaine’s heart falls to his stomach at that, and he tries hard not to flinch “. Yeah, about that-“ he tries, but Sebastian is faster.
“I have found lots already” he says, and Blaine closes his mouth so fast it makes a sound “. Let me tell you, French boys are cute. I’ve already gone on some dates with a few of them, and it is very fun. You should try it”
“I-“
“Not with French boys the way I do, but, who knows. Maybe someone in bumfuck Ohio is from France. You never know”
“Right…”
“Either way. You can try” Sebastian finishes his uncharacteristic rant, shrugging. Blaine cannot even deny he’s taken back by it, and when he scratches the back of his head, he sees Sebastian’s eyes following his movements.
“Do you have a boyfriend then?” Blaine finally asks, worrying his bottom lip.
“No” Sebastian replies, shrugging again “. Boyfriends are… having one is stupid, Killer. They give you headaches. And instead of having those, I choose to have good memories”
“Who has even told you that? I know you haven’t come up with it”
“My mother” Sebastian admits, shrugging “. Although, very much not the point”
“Sure”
“I’m just saying: try it out, B. I promise you won’t regret it”
Blaine isn’t as sure. In fact, the only thing he wants to do is to tell Sebastian he is wrong, that all Blaine wants is to somehow eliminate the distance between them and kiss Sebastian the way he’s never kissed anyone.
But.
Sebastian doesn’t want him. Sebastian wants French boys that don’t have all the issues Blaine has, and he wants fun, and no headaches. And Blaine has been the latter ever since he can remember. So…
“Sure. Why not”
Blaine takes Sebastian’s words in stride. For a few days he wants to ignore Sebastian’s words, but that last talk with him has seemed to throw down the first domino piece, and now his best friend is talking about cute boy he’s meeting all the time, it is driving Blaine up the wall a little.
So. He tries. He continues with his freshman year at Westerville Ohio High School, and hangs out with John, Nick and Jeff on the weekends. David joins them every once in a while, but he’s a year older and usually hangs out with the people closer to him in age, and in his class, so Blaine doesn’t see him as much. But it’s fine.
And high school is… fine. He ignores the voice telling him it was a mistake to not go to Dalton nearly every single day, but it is bearable. The classes are ridiculously easy, and he wonders how was his brother at risk of not graduating, but he guesses senior year is hard, and that must be it.
He meets Matthew at the end of his first month, when Maria, a girl from his class, convinces him to join book club. Blaine barely has time to read with all the other clubs he plans to be in and all his extracurriculars, but he does love to do so and Maria is nice, so he lets her drag him into the room where they are signing people in. Matthew is there, hiding in one corner, and seems nice enough when Blaine goes and introduces himself to him.
When he complains about their first book being a bit too cheesy, Matthew is right up there with him, and they end up going to his house and playing some video games after the meeting. Blaine is learning to really like Matthew, even when he’s a bit weird at times and refuses to be called anything other than his full name. Never Matt, he tells Blaine rather right away after meeting. Always Matthew, never Matt.
Matthew only takes a week to tell him it is obvious Maria is head over heels gone for Blaine, which seems outrageous for the slightly shorter boy. Yet, Matthew insists so much that he forces himself to take notice, noticing (rather horrified) he seems to be right. And maybe Matthew notices he is panicking, because he deduces Blaine is not only not interested in their classmate, but in girls altogether.
It is surprising to see Matthew can see through him that easy. It is even more surprising to find out Matthew is very much like him.
Figures.
But. Somewhere along the fifth night Blaine spends almost entirely awake thinking of his current situation, he decides this must be some sort of sign, right? Sebastian had told him he’d met some cute guys, and Blaine has done it. Not plural, because as he’s taking to realise and accept, he lives in Ohio, but… he’s met someone. And he’s met someone tangible, someone that is there to hang out in the way Sebastian is not.
He still wants Sebastian to be there for him. But if Sebastian himself doesn’t want the same, then… Blaine has to figure something else out. Like - Matthew.
And it seems like Matthew likes him back. He smiles at Blaine a lot, more than he does to their other friends, and he’s brought him a couple of things he’d mentioned in passing as a gift, and he gives him compliments every chance he gets. And when they’re alone he even tries to be more touchy, oftentimes not succeeding but still, the intent is there.
So, when the school announces there’s going to be a Sadie Hawkins dance, Blaine thinks about it for a couple of days, dwells over it and creates a thousand different scenarios in his head. And then he asks Matthew if he’d like to go with him, bringing him flowers to his house and all.
Matthew isn’t entirely sure at first, asking Blaine if he’s completely sure about this, and what is everyone else going to say, and how about the jocks that have already been messing with them a little. Blaine doesn’t let that bring him down, asking what about them, and even though it takes him the whole afternoon, Matthew finally accepts and agrees to go to Sadie Hawkins with him. Blaine chooses to think he’s not as excited as he should be because of some nerves, not because he sort of wishes he was going with Sebastian.
He doesn’t tell Sebastian, either. There is no real reason to do that, at the very least not a good reason, but he doesn’t. Even when Sebastian asks him what his plans for the weekend are, only a couple of days before Sadie Hawkins, he doesn’t say. Blaine does think about doing so, if anything to have his best friend calm his ever-present nerves, but just then Sebastian mentions a date he’s going on Friday with a cute guy from school, and how he’s incredibly interesting and loves to write poetry on his free time, which Sebastian thinks is pedantic but still hot, and Blaine loses any interest in telling him rather quickly.
He doesn’t entirely tell his parents either. They know he’s going out with Matthew that night, but he’s always doing that lately, so he doesn’t explain anything more than that, and they don’t ask, not about that, not about the fact that Blaine wears a suit, barely hidden by his coat. Instead, his Dad drives him to Matthew’s, and they choose to walk from there to the dance, as he lives sort of close to the school. Matthew is still nervous on the way there, but Blaine insists they will be fine, that they deserve to live their lives just like their classmates do. It feels as if he’s just repeating Sebastian’s words, but he figures if he says them out loud enough times he’ll believe them as well.
And it doesn’t start off that bad. They get a couple of looks, but no mean words, and soon enough they discover everyone is just busy with their own dance partner, or group of friends. The school gym is decorated in the tacky way Blaine used to see in all the high school movies Cooper used to force him to watch, and it almost feels like a rite of passage, like proving his brother was right. He sort of has to live through these things.
So Matthew and he start to live in a fake sense of security, easing up as the night goes on. They dance, not too close but close enough, and they hang out with some of their friends, even though Maria is nowhere to be seen. Things could feel better, but they could also feel and be much worse, so Blaine thinks it’s fine. Maybe Sebastian is right.
So when Matthew asks him if he wants to go outside for some air, Blaine agrees. And when Matthew brings him to a partly hidden part of the parking lot, Blaine follows. And when Matthew starts getting closer, Blaine gets closer as well. And when Matthew leans in, Blaine does as well.
It is not with whom he thought his first kiss was going to be with. But it is still a kiss, his first kiss, and it is a good kiss. Sort of makes the final piece of the puzzle fit into Blaine’s mind.
Of course, he should’ve known better. He should’ve taken more into account he lives in Ohio, not Paris. That the lack of the insults he’d gotten used to already were not a sign of peace, but of dangerous tranquility. Like darkening skies right before a storm.
He barely feels the first blow, but he definitely feels the second one and falling to the ground. Blaine’s half aware someone’s crying, and he’s pretty sure it is Matthew. He’s also half aware someone’s screaming, telling them to stop, and it takes him a little while to realise it is his own voice doing that.
Matthew is somewhat close, but after the tenth blow, a kick to his head while he is already on the ground, Blaine’s vision becomes blurry and spotty, so he’s not entirely sure where he is anymore, or where he himself is, either. After the next kick sounds also become duller, muffled, and he can only gasp in pain and beg for everything to end already.
By the time he loses consciousness, he’s also lost the count for all the blows he’s received.
Waking up is confusing, and Blaine’s pretty sure he does so multiple times. The first few times he cannot even talk, just whines and mumbles in confusion, his parents’ faces swimming into his line of sight. They seem worried beyond words, but Blaine’s vision is still blurry, so he cannot be totally sure about that one thing.
When he finally comes to for more than a few seconds or even a couple of minutes, it feels as if his entire body is on fire. He tries to hold it back, but a whimper of pain still leaves his lips, and then his Dad is there in a second, pushing his hair back with shaky fingers. It’s scary, Blaine thinks, how his Dad touches him as if he can break him any second, how he looks like he’s a breath away from breaking down. His Dad has never looked like this, he’s never been the person to show anything other than contempt in his face. His eyes show terror right now, and it is incredibly scary.
“Bear, hey” he says, voice shaking as much as his fingers “. Hey, my boy, hey. It’s fine, it’s okay, Daddy’s here, alright? Just breathe with me, just breathe my little love, just breathe. I know it hurts, I am calling the nurse so they can give you a bit more morphine, alright? Shhh, it’s fine”
Blaine feels lips on his forehead, feels the fingers in his hair, and he chooses to focus on that instead of the burning pain all over. True to his father’s words, the nurse is there in less than a minute, putting something in the IV bag that, soon enough, makes some of the pain disappear. Blaine cannot help but melt into the bed at that, letting his Dad fuss over him and readjust his pillows. Eventually, barely clinging to consciousness, Blaine finds the strength to talk.
“What happened?” He croaks, startling his father a bit. Michael looks like he wants to protest, like somehow telling Blaine of what happened is unfathomable, but Blaine sends a look towards him that stops that from happening. Instead, he sighs and carefully sits by his hip. The younger Anderson kind of wants to ask him to lay down with him, but he’s scared of the pain that will come if his body is moved around too much.
“You and your friend were attacked, Blaine” his father says, his voice grave and still shaky “. Outside of your school. We didn’t know you were going on a dance that night”
“I didn’t think it was important to say” Blaine says, his voice so little it is essentially a whisper.
“Bear, we need to know these things” Michael tells him, softly “, alright?”
“It’s not like I am going to one of those anytime soon” Blaine breathes out. Michael doesn’t try to hide his sigh at that, and instead only combs his hair again, as gentle as possible “. Where’s Mom?”
“I could convince her to go home for a bit, have some sleep” Michael says “. She was dead on her feet, could barely keep her eyes open”
Blaine stays in silence for a long moment, taking some strength before opening his mouth again “. How long have I been here?”
“A couple of weeks” his father reveals, which is not what Blaine had been expecting “. Slept right through Thanksgiving”
“I’m sorry” Blaine immediately says, the feeling of guilt just hitting him right on the chest.
“Hey, don’t apologise, kid. This was not your fault, alright?” Michael says, and Blaine has to bite his tongue not to disagree with that. He’s too tired for that now “. We don’t care about Thanksgiving, we care about you getting better. Understood?”
“Yeah”
“Okay” Michael nods, leaning in to kiss his forehead. Blaine blinks rapidly at that, partly because it takes him by surprise and partly because the morphine is really kicking in now and he’s becoming really sleepy. His father seems to notice as well, kissing his forehead one more time and tucking him better in bed, careful with his injuries “. Rest, Bear. I’ll be here when you wake up”
They keep him in the hospital for two more weeks, and by the time Blaine goes home, it’s Winter Break already and Christmas is on top of them - not like he has a lot of energy or even excitement about the festivities. In fact, he’d rather sleep through them, if anything to hide from the world.
His parents keep being over-attentive in the way they have never been, failing at masking their worried looks and also at putting their concerned words into something Blaine doesn’t get upset by. They try, and are patient, but Blaine is also running out of patience, having always hated to be treated with kid gloves.
Matthew isn’t speaking to him, but Blaine doesn’t mind that much, and he very much chooses not to think on why he doesn’t mind. His friends call all the time, and he sometimes answers, but not a lot. It’s not like he has a phone himself (although he hears his parents debating giving him one for Christmas when they think he’s asleep), which saves him from texts.
The day he goes back home, and before he’s allowed to go back to his room, his parents sit him down and explain he is not going back to Westerville Ohio High School, which Blaine had half guessed already, but it is good to have it confirmed. Instead, they inform him, he’s going to start at Dalton once Winter Break is over, joining John, Nick and Jeff. He can either choose to start working on some of the classes he’s missed now, or have them as extracurriculars in the form of lessons. Neither one of his parents is surprised when Blaine chooses to start straight away, needing something to get his mind off everything that’s happened.
Once all the details are laid out he’s allowed to go back to his room. Blaine half expects to smell stale air and see dust on every inch of it, but it’s been cleaned recently, and there is new sheets on his bed. His computer is on his desk, almost calling for him, and Blaine decides to ignore how his parents haven’t mentioned Sebastian much in the two weeks since he’s woken up.
Instead, he chooses to pick a book and try to read for a while, eyes hurting after ten minutes but not a single cell in Blaine’s body caring. It’s unfair, because it does feel as if his computer is mocking him, calling him from his desk for him to turn it on. Blaine lasts close to two hours like that, until he can hear his parents start preparing for dinner downstairs. He sighs and leaves his book be, dragging himself to his desk and turning his computer on.
He doesn’t know why he’s this upset, this annoyed, and it’s making him slowly lose his cool (if he’s ever had it). It feels like ants are under his skin, dormant, and it feels as if they wake up once he sees all the missed calls and messages from Sebastian. When he checks his email, he sees the insane amount he has from Sebastian. He spends the next ten minutes skimming through them, watching as Sebastian goes from wondering why he’s not picking up his calls to growing genuinely worried. His last email is him providing his new phone number, linked to his own phone, begging Blaine to at least call him there. Before Blaine can decide on that, however, he sees he has a new notification on Skype.
Sebastian: you appear as online for the first time in weeks, B. can we call?
Blaine hesitates for a second, remembering what he’d looked like when he’d seen himself reflected back in the mirror that same morning. How sunken his eyes are, how he still has some fading bruises on his face (even a month later - he honestly doesn't want to imagine what they had looked like during those first days), and how his eyebrow still has a small scar, hopefully to fade away in a few months. His arm is still in a sling as well, which doesn't speak well on how it is doing, and he is yet to have a haircut that hides how uneven his hair is at the moment. Between having it partly shaved off for the brain surgery he had had to drain some fluid from his brain, and not having a haircut in nearly two months now…
Well, he’s not looking his best. And Sebastian is definitely going to notice it rather instantly. Still… he doesn’t want his best friend thinking he’s abandoned him, or that he’s done something wrong. Sebastian has messaged him the second he saw Blaine was online, and Blaine knows to be early morning in Paris. So, before he can talk himself out of it, he clicks on call.
Sebastian picks the call up rather instantly, waking the ants that seem to have permanently moved inside his skin, and he has to force himself not to hang up. No way he’d be able to convince his best friend of nothing being wrong if he was to do that.
Sebastian is already opening his mouth when his picture becomes clear, but it looks like his words die in his mouth when he catches sight of Blaine. Instead, his mouth falls open, and Blaine can tell he pales even from his room in Ohio. The evergreen eyed boy gets impossibly closer to his camera, as if that will allow to see Blaine better or, perhaps, will help him reach out to him through the screen.
“Blaine” he whispers, breathlessly.
“Hey” Blaine greets him, trying to be nonchalant. But, of course, Sebastian does not let him.
“Killer, what happened? I knew something must’ve happened when you disappeared but I didn’t know… what’s going on? No one told me anything”
He sounds genuinely upset, and Blaine cannot blame him for it. Just like he cannot blame his parents for not telling Sebastian about him being in the hospital. They had enough worries as it is, especially during the time they just weren’t sure if Blaine was going to survive his injuries. And he hadn’t asked them to inform Sebastian once he’d woken up; he had assumed they had told him something, but at the same time, he’s not entirely surprised they haven’t. Even when he still feels guilty because of the limbo Sebastian must’ve been living in for so long.
“Sorry” he says “. My parents… don’t have my passwords. And they were busy”
“Busy” Sebastian repeats, scoffing “. Busy for what? To not pay attention to you, to forget I was living in the dark and genuinely worried about you? Killer, that is-“
“It’s not that, okay? And they’re not to blame, they were dealing with enough. They were there for me, Sebastian”
“Right. But for what? What made it so…”
“So, what?”
“So you look like that” Sebastian finally replies, letting his worry turn his tone sharp “. You look like you were ran over by a truck, Blaine. What the hell happened? Did you get actually run over, did you-“
“I was beat up” Blaine cuts him off “. Within an inch of my life, actually”
“What?” Sebastian exclaims, eyes almost popping out out of sockets “. How? Why? Why would someone beat you up? You’re, like… too kind”
“I am also too gay” Blaine says, cutting him off. He doesn’t mean for his voice to sound that cold, nor his tone that heated, but he also cannot help it anymore. He’s in pain, and tired, and frustrated that, apparently, his aggressors are not facing any punishment for that they did. All of his pain has been building up in his head and heart for weeks now, and he’s been unable to express it in any way, as the last thing he wanted was to lash out at his parents when they looked a breath away from collapsing.
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that I was stupid enough to listen to you” he says, and he can tell his words immediately take Sebastian back, almost like Blaine has slapped him. And he cannot blame him - not once in all of the years of them being friends has Blaine talked to him like that “. It means that for some fucking reason I thought you were right, that being gay in Ohio was okay the same way it is in Paris. I believed you, I listened to you when you said everything was supposed to be just fine and fun now that I realised I’m gay. But guess what, Sebastian - it very much was not of either of those things”
“Blaine-“
“You told me to like cute guys, and I figured, why not. I met a boy, I became his friend, and I started to like him. And then I asked him to go to a stupid fucking dance that shouldn’t have taken place in the first place, and because for some reason he liked me back, and he agreed to go with me.And I went to the dance, and I thought it was fine because we were not receiving the insults we’d grown accustomed to since the beginning of high school”
“Wait, what?”
“People in Ohio don’t like gay people that much, Sebastian, news fucking break. And high school was bad enough, you know? Being gay just made it worse. But everyone was keeping quiet at the dance, so I thought things were like you said. Fine. Fun. And I was stupid enough I didn’t look behind us when we went outside for some air, and I was stupid enough I kissed Matthew back when he kissed me”
“You-he-“ Sebastian stutters, a deep frown appearing on his face.
“Of course, I didn’t realise we’d been followed until it was too late, so I couldn’t run in time”
“Blaine”
“Got the lights beat out of me. Matthew, too. I don’t even know for how long, I lost consciousness at some point. Woke up almost three weeks ago, after two weeks in a coma. Waking up from a coma sucks, by the way. It’s going to made me go to PT not only for my injuries, but also for my muscles. It fucking sucks, yeah”
“Killer-“
“They haven’t told me this, but I am pretty sure my parents thought I was not going to make it. Past the night surely, then past the week. But I am stubborn, as you know, so here I am. And” he huffs a laugh at that, only slightly hysterical “. They are barely talking to me, barely make small talk or tell me what’s happened. The longest we’ve talked was for them to tell me my aggressors are not facing any type of punishment, and what our next steps are. And, of course, Matthew refuses to even acknowledge my existence, not like I can blame him for it. And, oh yeah, I hate that I ever thought I had the right to have something nice for once”
“Blaine” Sebastian says, a bit louder “. Of course you deserve something nice. You deserve everything nice”
“Yeah? Well, some people didn’t exactly get the memo”
“Screw them, Killer, alright? Look, I know this sucked-“
“No, you don’t, Sebastian. You live in Paris, not in Ohio, you… you’ve spent weeks and weeks telling me how fun it is, how many dates you’re going to, the cute guys you keep finding left and right. You. Don’t. Get. It. And, hell, I should’ve realised a lot sooner”
“Realise what?”
“That I shouldn’t have listened to you” Blaine says, so final it shuts Sebastian’s mouth, quick “. Because you live in Paris and do not know the pain of being gay in Ohio. You cannot ever get it. And if I hadn’t listened to you, then…”
“Then what, Blaine?” Sebastian asks, voice shaky “. Then what? Because if you finish that sentence in the way I think you’re going to, that is so not fair, and you know it”
“At this point, the only thing I know is that being me hurts too much” Blaine says, shutting Sebastian up once more. He shrugs, feeling a headache start to make (the annoyingly recurring) presence in his head “. My head hurts, and I have to go and take my medication, so…”
“When will we be able to talk again then?” Sebastian asks, and he sounds a bit scared for Blaine’s answer. But Blaine can only shrug, strength now non-existent.
“I don’t know” he replies, truthfully “. Maybe I don’t want to call for now”
He sees it rather instantly, the way Sebastian’s face falls and how much paler he gets. He goes to open his mouth, surely to complain and protest, but before he can do so, Blaine has hung up. And before he can call again, he closes his Skype session and turns off his computer altogether.
Almost robotically, Blaine moves through the motions. He changes into some sweats, not wanting to wear the same clothes he was wearing at the hospital, and crawls under his sheets, wishing the headache away. When his mother comes to tell him dinner is done, he lies and says he’s not hungry and he just wants to sleep, and even when she brings in his father to insist he at the very least has to take his pain medication, Blaine stubbornly doesn’t bulge. Eventually, they leave him alone, contemplating if he should turn on his computer and call Sebastian again.
But he doesn’t.
He keeps moving through the motions. The following day his parents bring him all the books and coursework he has due for when he starts at Dalton, and Blaine throws himself at that. It’s hard in the way he was needing and that Westerville High School was not, so it is enough to distract him for a while.
He allows John to come and visit him once it is passed Christmas, and his oldest friend is kind and patient with him, enough so Blaine feels slowly starting to heal and look forward his time at Dalton. He’s still scared shitless but, if he has John at his side it’ll be fine, surely.
Starting at Dalton is hard. In the weeks since the attack Blaine has built up more walls than he can count, and he just doesn’t know how to begin taking them down. His friends are patient - John shares a room with him and doesn’t get mad at being woken up by his nightmares. Instead, he lets Blaine decide what to do; fall back asleep, talk for a bit, watch a movie, or just walk around for a bit. When it gets pretty bad he gets in bed with Blaine and hugs him until he stops shaking.
Nick and Jeff are much more careful with him, playing pranks but being mindful of Blaine’s situation, which is both appreciated and disliked by Blaine. David, seeing how much he is in desperate need of guidance, introduces Blaine to Wes, his best friend at Dalton, and that sort of changes everything. Wes takes him under his wing, convincing him to audition for the Warblers to get some of the brotherhood everyone else there enjoys.
Blaine takes a bit, but finally accepts, and the Warblers find themselves with their mouths wide open once Blaine auditions. All of them had already agreed to have Blaine become a part of the group, seeing he needed it, but they had thought of him as a background singer at most. Right after his audition, they have to stop themselves from crying in excitement at having found their new lead singer.
He finds his brothers then, and learns how to be himself in a way he had not done so before. Nick, Jeff and John never let him get too much into his head, and he meets enough Warblers and gets into enough clubs he doesn’t even have the time to do so. Every day it hurts less and less to be himself, to remember everything that’s happened. He stops thinking of Matthew and how much it sucks he doesn’t reach out - he knows from an off-handed comment from his Dad Matthew’s family moved one town over, surely wanting to run from everything, and Blaine cannot blame them.
For once in his life, he focuses on himself and on what he wants. He excels in school, and he becomes a crucial part of the Warblers, and he’s finally making friends that feel genuine and like they will have his back. All in all… Dalton is pretty much his saving grace. For the first time in his life, Blaine feels free, and powerful.
However, as he starts to get better and get over everything that happened, his guilt exponentially grows. No matter how many friends he makes and how much time he spends with them; no matter how many extracurriculars he has or the amount of clubs he joins, no matter if he fills the little free time he has left with some short jobs… Blaine cannot stop thinking about Sebastian.
Admittedly, he had pushed him off his mind for the first weeks, needing to focus on himself and his time at Dalton, and on making a good impression with the Warblers, and on not letting his nightmares consume him. It had worked for a couple of months, even, but then he had inevitably thought of Sebastian once a book he was looking forward to had released, and it had snowballed from there. Since then he’s been unable to go more than one hour without thinking of him, even if it is just for a second, and Blaine is half scared it is consuming him.
It gets worse once Summer comes, when he and all of his friends choose to not go to camp anymore, as they believe themselves to be too old for that. Blaine uses the first couple of weeks to spiral on how much he misses Sebastian, and briefly occupies his days by singing at themed parks and carnivals. It is not the worst thing he’s done, but it is close, and if he doesn’t see a balloon animal one more time in his life, it won’t be a loss.
It gets even worse once he joins his best friends at Jeff’s family cabin in Colorado. Despite living in Denver, his family has a ranch-style home near Pagosa Springs, with a lake all for their enjoyment, and they’re generous enough to invite Jeff’s closest friends at Dalton. Blaine is, of course, invited, not only being close with Blaine at Dalton but also having been his friend since they were kids.All in all, it’s probably the most fun he’s had in - well, ever. Other than talking to Sebastian, he’s never had this much fun in his life. They swim in the lake, and even snorkel, and Blaine lets Thad convince him of fishing with him, which is as fun as it is frustrating. They all hike around the ranch and complain about bug bites, and during the night they light up a bonfire and burn only a small amount of the marshmallows.
But, during all of that, Blaine desperately misses Sebastian, wishes more than anything he was there with them, having fun. The mean words he’d said to his best friend all those months ago echo in his brain and move around like the DvD player icon every time he closes his eyes. He pretends not to be bothered by it, but he knows it has not been successful once John drags him away from a game of pool to have a moment with him, alone in the upstairs all-round balcony.
He’s patient, too, letting Blaine sit on one of the chairs Jeff’s family has there and going to rest against the railing, right in front of him. It is when he crosses his arms across his chest that Blaine sighs, throwing his head back for a second and looking at his oldest friend with a slight frown on his face.
“I miss Sebastian”
“Hmm” John nods, annoyingly slow”. Kinda wondered when you were going to admit that”
“What you expected?”
“A bit longer than I expected, not going to lie. I fully expected this conversation to go down during Spring Break”
“Right” Blaine sighs “. To be honest… I tried to make sure I was busy enough not to think about it too much. But…”
“Summer is when you met, sort of” John, now often known as Beat, completes for him “. So you can’t avoid thinking ‘bout him”
“I hate how well you know me”
“Liar”
“Shut up”
John laughs softly at that, looking down for a moment before looking back at Blaine “. When is the last time you talked to him?”
“The time I told you about. The fight after Sadie Hawkins, right before Christmas. We… haven’t talked since then”
“B…”
“I know, I know. I am the fucking worst”
“You’re not, stop that. What you did was not the right thing to do, but you’ve been through enough shit for me to tell you to be kinder to yourself, alright?”
“Sebastian did not deserve how I treated him”
“And I am not saying he did. He deserves a big and nice apology, B. But you also deserve to talk to him and explain, and you also deserve not to let those assholes take away the best friendship of your life. It’s not fair if you lose Sebastian to that”
“I don’t know” Blaine sighs “. What I did was… extremely unfair to Seb. And I am afraid of reaching out now”
“Why?” John asks, gentle as ever. Blaine shrugs, grabbing a decorative pillow and playing with an inexistent thread.
“Because… Sebastian would be entirely in his right to tell me to fuck off. He’s in his right to forget about me, to tell me to forget about him, and… honestly, John. Hearing that would break me all over again. Even when I know I would deserve it”
“Well, partly. You were a dick. And like I said, Seb would have a right to be mad, and I would be surprise if he isn’t. But it also isn’t fair if you at least don’t try. Will be worse as well”
“Beat…”
“Also, at the very least that dude deserves an apology. Regardless of your friendship, he deserves that”
“I know. And… I want to reach out. To apologise. To hopefully get him back as my best friend, I just… I am too scared. It paralyses me, John”
“And why is that?” John asks, back to being gentle “. Why do you think you’re this scared of losing him?”
“He’s my best friend”
“Blaine. I am your best friend. Sebastian is in another league, and he has been for a very long time”
Blaine stays silent for a long moment after Beat’s words, not even surprised at being called out. John has been his best friend ever since they were in, what? Pre-school? Of course he can see right through him in a way not even Nick and Jeff or even Wes can. But he’s never said his feelings out loud, not to anyone, had half thought he’d take his feelings to the grave.
“I’ve been in love with him since before I realised I liked guys” he finally confesses. For some reason the air doesn’t change, the moon doesn’t fall from the sky, the world doesn’t stop. The night keeps being peaceful, a soft humidity wrapping around Beat and he gently if ever suffocating, and the world doesn’t stop “. So I don’t… want him to hate me. But I know he will hate me anyway if I don’t reach out and apologise”
“Yeah” John confirms, softly “. Blaine, look… I obviously don’t know Sebastian half as well as you do, but I still know him a bit. And from what I know, I know he deeply cares about you. And I know what you two have, no matter the nature of it, is something rare to find. So… don’t give up on it. Alright?”
Blaine nods, aware of John leaving to go back to their friends and leave him to reflect on his words. He knows not to worry about someone going to search for him; more than likely, John will say Blaine just needed a breather, and no one will bother him during it or about it later.
He knows John is right - he knows what he has to do. But knowing and doing are two vastly different things, and Blaine has been an expert of knowing things and wanting to do them, and never actually going through with it. Regardless - he knows Sebastian deserves it. He knows they do.
He just doesn’t know if he’s strong enough.
Blaine lasts a total of a day and a half dwelling over it, until he spends his second sleepless night, Sebastian’s laugh echoing in his mind during the day, and his confused questions doing so during the night, cursing him with a guilt so strong he’s surprised when he’s able to take a step.
He gives up on trying to have decent sleep when the sun comes up and, knowing his friends will take still at least a couple of hours to wake up, he sneaks out of the room he is sharing with John and goes down to the lake, sitting down in one of the lawn chairs laid around there. The view is rather breathtaking with the early morning sun softly reflecting on the water, and there is a soft and gentle breeze, which makes Blaine force himself to breathe in for a minute, his Dalton sweater bringing some small piece of comfort to him.
The phone feels like it weights a ton in his hand, and a quick calculation in his head tells him it must be two pm in Paris, as it is around eight hours ahead of where Blaine is. With any luck, Sebastian is free to talk to him. So, with shaky fingers, he calls, and waits with his heart on his throat for - okay, that was fast.
“Didn’t your Dad forbid you from phone calling me years ago? Skype still exists, Killer”
Blaine is so relieved to hear Sebastian’s voice again he cannot help but laugh in relief, stopping himself from outright crying at the last second. He closes his eyes forcefully for a moment, trying to will the tears away, and he hugs himself tight.
“I’m not home right now” he says instead “. Jeff’s family has a house close to a lake in Colorado, a few people were invited”
“With no parents?”
“His Aunt lives thirty minutes away. But, yeah”
“How rebellious of you” Sebastian says, making Blaine huff a laugh at him, not being able to stop himself this time and sobbing right after. He tries to muffle it, but he knows there is no chance he’s doing it “. Blaine?”
“I’m so sorry” Blaine blurts out, unable to stop another sob “. I am so, so sorry, Sebastian”
“B-“
“What I insinuated was extremely fucked up, and I shouldn’t have ever thunk it. I should’ve never said it, not matter how I was feeling, and God - Sebastian, you have to know it was not your fault. You were not at fault for what happened, in the slightest. Which, I mean - obviously, but… what I mean is, it doesn’t matter what you said, because you were only trying to cheer me up, nothing more. It’s… you just wanted to help, and to make me feel accepted, and to… I don’t know, get to know myself. But you never were at fault for what happened to me, and you never will, Sebastian. And I understand if you cannot forgive me, but-“
“I forgive you” Sebastian interrupts him, shutting Blaine up quick. He gapes at nothing for a long moment, enough for Sebastian to huff a laugh “. Cat got your tongue?”
“No, I just- you shouldn’t”
“I shouldn’t?” Sebastian asks, somehow sounding amused “. B, answer me this - if the roles were reversed, would you forgive me?”
“I would” Blaine answers, no hesitation “. But that doesn’t matter, Bastian. I should grovel for your forgiveness a bit more. A lot more, actually”
“Blaine” Sebastian interrupts him once more, laughing. Blaine very much notices it is the best sound he’s ever heard. The one he’s missed the most as well “. Breathe. Look… I understand, okay?”
“You do?”
“Yeah. It’s not like I’ve experienced it, but I understand you were in a deep place of pain. I can only imagine the huge amount of pain you were going through. So it’s okay”
“It’s not, I-“
“You needed to express that pain, somehow. And I was the only person you could truly rely on, because I know you don’t trust your parents or brother fully on this. Am I wrong here?”
“Well, no, but-“
“You knew, even if it was deep down, that I wouldn’t completely turn my back on you”
“Okay, no matter if that is… rather excellently analysed, it doesn’t matter. I was still very unfair to you”
“Okay, fair” Sebastian finally admits “. It’s also sucked not to know from you for months, by the way”
“I am so sorry”
“I know. And, look - I know what lashing out is. I’ve done it plenty of times - and I have done it to you plenty of times. I’ve lashed out at you plenty of times before, and you have always forgiven me, B”
“But-“
“Before you say anything else” Sebastian interrupts him, although nor rudely “… I just missed you so much, Killer” he confesses, his voice turning soft and shaky. It grips Blaine’s heart and squeezes it painfully “. I need you back in my life, because without you I’ve just been… unraveling. So. Can we please accept I forgive you and be friends again?”
“You never stopped being my friend” Blaine is quick to say, ignoring the way his heart is breaking at Sebastian’s words “… what’s happening, Bas?”
“I just…” Sebastian starts, and then sighs deeply “. I feel lost without you, Blaine. These past few months I’ve been searching for something that felt half as good as talking to you did, and does. As having you in my life was… but that was just me trying to date boys that got mad at me when I didn’t want to go all the way through, and eternal moments of loneliness”
“Bastian…”
“I’m tired of spending my nights in the street of Paris, trying to forget my Maman couldn’t care less about me, trying to ignore that you were suffering and not wanting to hear from me…”
“I am sorry, Sebastian. And please, do not deny this apology as well. I am so, very sorry. I promise I will make it up to you, alright?”
“You don’t have to-“
“I do. And you know I am stubborn, so you’re not convincing me of the opposite here” Blaine says, finally making Sebastian laugh “. Bas, I… I missed you, desperately, every single day since the last time we talked. And of course I wanted to know about you, to call you and apologise, and… I was just, I was terrified you were hating me now. I was afraid of reaching out and have that confirmed”
“I could never hate you, Blaine” Sebastian says, quick to deny Blaine’s rambling “. You are my absolute favourite person in the world”
“You are mine, too. By far. But still, if you hate me a little bit I promise it’s fine. I will understand”
“Blaine” Sebastian huffs out, in a mix of amusement and frustration.
“Just - please know I didn’t mean a word I said to you during our argument. I promise I didn’t”
“I know, B” Sebastian replies, softly.
“How?”
“Because… your voice back then” the evergreen eyed recalls “… it was so full of of hurt. It was dripping of it. And now it is full of truth. I can tell you’re completely genuine, in a way you were not last time we talked”
“Yeah? How can you be sure?” Blaine asks, timidly.
“Because I know you, Blaine” Sebastian replies, simply. Blaine sobs in relief at that, throwing his head back once more to try to calm himself. When he looks back at the lake, he cannot help but appreciate how beautiful the moment is; the lake, the trees, the sky… Sebastian’s voice in his ear.
“Thank you, Sebastian”
“No need to thank me. And, hey - maybe you can do something for me”
“Yeah? What’s that?” Blaine asks, rather eagerly.
“You could put me up to date with your life, if you’re not too tired. It must be insanely soon where you are, no?”
“Barely six a.m” Blaine confirms “. I couldn’t sleep”
“Thinking ‘bout little ole me?”
“Yeah, actually” Blaine replies, not even bothering to deny Sebastian’s playful assumption “. And anyway, I am never too tired to talk to you”
“Dork”
“Yeah, yeah” Blaine laughs, finally relaxing in his seat. He figures his Dad will be fine if he keeps his conversation with Sebastian going - he hasn’t done an international call in forever, so one won’t harm him. Besides, he’ll be fine if Blaine tells him it was to make up with Sebastian, as Michael had been worried about their distance and the bad moment their friendship seemed to be going through. Not to mention - he’s missed Sebastian like crazy. There is nothing in the world that sounds better than talking to Sebastian and put him up to date “. Alright. So, after Christmas break I started at Dalton…”
A few hours later, exhausted but happy, Blaine hugs John the moment he sees him, and whispers a thank you that he knows John understands to perfection.
For the following months, Blaine’s life is so close to perfect he’s sure he’s dreaming it up.
And yet - he’s not. He keeps making friends, growing into himself and becoming truly confident for the first time in his life. He enjoys being him in a way he hadn’t done before, is sure of his words when he speaks, knows he’s a good friend and a good leader. He enjoys when boys sometimes flirt with him, even if he can’t bring himself to return their feelings, and accepts he is one of the boys at Dalton.
Sophomore year sees him blossoming, accepting his leading position in the Warblers, more confident in his skills and proposing songs every once in a while. His friends are happy to see that, to follow his lead, and Blaine cannot believe he can be this happy and have it be real.
Sebastian and he figure out a schedule for their calls, going back to Skype but, now that Blaine has a phone of his own (Sebastian having had one for years now), they text all the time as well. The Dalton student had feared all that texting would make their video calls boring, but they seem to never run out of things to say, so that is not the case. Sebastian’s back in his life, more often than not taking it in stride when one of the Warblers crashes their calls, taking the time to also become friendly with them.
However. It is torture, too. A bit.
The Warblers keep teasing him on his relationship with Sebastian, always with good intentions, but always insisting on how cute it is, how Blaine is gone for him, it is incredibly obvious. Blaine always denies everything and insists Sebastian and he are best friends and have been so since they were kids. That’s it. Beat is the one who knows about Blaine’s deeper feelings, but he never brings them up when they are around other people, and is very careful when teasing Blaine about it. Not to say he ignores his knowledge of them - rather, he spends a good portion of their time alone (a lot, given that they’re sharing a room again) trying to convince Blaine to confess his feelings once and for all. Blaine, of course, always says no.
“I don’t get it” John says, for the thousandth time. He puts his hands behind his head, looking at the ceiling from his spot in his bed “. Just tell him”
“No can do, Beat” Blaine protests, throwing a cushion at him from where he’s sitting on his bed. He hits John square in his head, getting the finger a second later.
“Why? Explain it to me like I am five, B”
“Aren’t you?”
“You are so funny” John deadpans, getting Blaine to snort.
“I just… John, I can’t. I care too much about Seb, and I cannot lose him”
“How can you lose him?” Beat asks, turning his head so he’s looking at Blaine. It’s close to the lights out nighttime at Dalton, so Blaine knows they are supposed to go to sleep soon, but his mind is going too fast for that “. I mean, it’s been pretty much proven you two are rock solid. Even if Seb doesn’t return your feelings, B, I am sure you would move on. He wouldn’t stop being your friend”
“I don’t know…”
“Look, it would suck. I get that. But it wouldn’t destroy your friendship. And, hey, he lives in Paris, so if anything, it will make things easier if you have to move on”
“Or” Blaine argues “. It will make things harder if, by some miracle, my feelings are not unrequited”
“Oh my God” John groans “. Dude, I love you, you know that, but you cannot search for every possible bad outcome there is. You need to focus on being happy for once, alright?”
Blaine hums at that, playing with the soft blanket Beat’s mom had knitted for him as a gift for starting at Dalton. He can tell John is trying hard not to fall asleep, wanting to hear Blaine and try to continue to give him advice both know Blaine will half ignore.
“I will think about it” he says instead “. No promises though”
“Ugh, fine” John replies, sighing so exaggeratedly Blaine throws another cushion at him “. I’m keeping this”
“Go to sleep, John”
John still persists, and, little by little, he manages to convince Blaine it wouldn’t be the worst idea to confess to Sebastian how he feels. However - his doubts grow when he realises Sebastian is keeping something from him. It’s not obvious at first, the signs so little Blaine firmly believes Sebastian must be tired, or perhaps just coming down with something. But he is too skittish, secretive in a way he’s never been, and so Blaine’s suspicions and worries grow. It’s not too long until he wonders if Sebastian has a boyfriend now, if that means his best friend is just trying to figure out how to tell Blaine and ask for a bit of space. Space that, of course, will be granted, first for Sebastian’s sake and then for Blaine’s, because-
Sebastian insists he’s just busy. That he has a lot going on in high school, that his father has him taking all those extra classes to get him ready for college, that his mother is suddenly taking an interest in him. He swears there is nothing going on, nothing Blaine should worry about, but a) Blaine is a worrier and b) Blaine knows his best friend better than, probably, anyone else. So he knows what Sebastian is telling him is a bunch of lies. Or, rather, he knows Sebastian is avoiding telling the truth.
As is usual in him, Blaine is quick to talk himself into a frenzy, thoughts birthing and living in his head at an alarming rate - he can tell John is sort of aware of it, but is stopping himself from an intervention, if barely. But, he cannot help it - what if Sebastian is dating the boy of his dreams right now? What if he’s found someone that won’t lash out at him like Blaine has done, someone who actually lives in his continent and with whom he doesn’t have to create a careful schedule to talk to? What if this boy is going to be the centre of the Sebastian’s world - his whole world, in fact -, and he will lose the best thing to ever happen to him?
Blaine knows it is unfair, and he knows he is being a shitty friend once again, but slowly he starts to realise John’s words had held a lot of truth - he has to confess. He has to tell Sebastian how he feels, that he’s irremediably in love with him, consequences be damned. Because if he doesn’t Blaine is sure he will regret it for the rest of his life, that he will be happy for Sebastian and his happiness, but eternally regretful of his silence. So. He has to do something now, now that whatever Sebastian has is sort of new.
Blaine decides to stop spiralling when he starts wondering if perhaps Sebastian met someone in the time where they were not talking (aka the time Blaine was being a coward, and an idiot), because that could be it. And it would be so much worse, but also such a lesson for Blaine on Karma being real, which just sucks.
It’s November by the time Blaine has had it, around the third night in a row where he barely sleeps, or wakes in the middle of the night to stare at the ceiling. He briefly thinks it would be a wise idea to bring this up to his parents, maybe ask a doctor if he can take something for his insomnia, but Blaine has never been too known for his self-preservation tendencies.
Instead, he rises from his bed carefully, and, after checking he has not woken up Beat, Blaine’s quick to grab his Dalton sweatshirt and slide it on, knowing the corridors tend to get colder during the night. He tip toes his way out of his room and corridor, phone clutched in his hand, and makes it quick to get to the Sophomore dorm-building commons, which are (predictably) deserted from anyone else. The Dalton student is more than aware he is not allowed to be there so late at night, but he also knows teachers are more lenient with him, treat him with kid gloves more often than Blaine would want. As much as he hates it, right now he is taking full advantage of that.
Blaine’s shaking by the time he sinks down on his favourite armchair, one that he’s pretty sure Wes tucked into narrow space at the back of the room, right under a window. It had been a nook designed to study before, he’s pretty sure, but Wes had forced the armchair there and had made it the perfect spot to have a short nap or relax with a book. Blaine’s also pretty sure the only reason it’s still there is because, firstly, the students love it, and secondly, it’s stuck there so good there is no way to unstuck it without damaging the property.
The phone in his hands shakes with Blaine’s, and he has to take some deep breaths before going to his contact list and clicking on his recents. He has to scroll a bit for Sebastian, as they are still not allowed to call that much outside of Skype, but soon enough, he has him. And perhaps it is a bit cowardly to do it by phone call, but Blaine is positive he will die if he has to see Sebastian’s rejection drawn into his face.
Frustratingly, Sebastian’s quick to answer the phone “. Blaine? What’s up, why’re you calling?” He immediately asks, and Blaine knows he must be worried. Not only because of the rarity of Blaine actually calling, but also because he must be aware of how early (or late) it is in Westerville “. You okay?”
“Yeah, just - can we talk?” Blaine asks, and he does try to hide how bad his voice is shaking, but he’s aware he’s not totally succeeding on that.
“Yeah, well - I don’t have a lot of time right now, only a minute. Is it urgent?”
“Kinda” Blaine admits, and then he figures, why not. Better to get it over with, and if Sebastian only has a minute, then it will be over soon enough “. It’s fine, anyway, I can be quick, it’s just - listen, you do not have any obligation towards me, or my feelings, alright?”
“Killer-“
“No, let me talk, please. If you stop me I don’t know if I will be able to start again” Blaine pleads, and when he’s met with stunned silence, he takes it as his permission to continue “. I love you. Not like I love John, or Nick, or Jeff. I don’t love you like that, like a best friend, even when I do love you a lot like that, too, but… not the main thing. It’s, as in - as in I am head over heels in love with you” he ignores the choked sound he hears at that, and continues “. And I have been since before I even knew I liked guys, and… I tried to like Matthew, even if it was just a fifth of how much I liked you, but I never could like him more than I like you. Than I love you. I have loved you for years, and it is completely fine if you don’t feel the same way, I will be happy being your best friend for the rest of our lives, and please, I don’t want you to pull away if you don’t return my feelings, because I swear I can deal with it all and still be your friend, just… I needed you to know. Just- yeah. I needed you to know. I love-“
Blaine’s words are cut off by the sound of the call being ended, so sharp and sudden it takes his breath away and invites the cold to enter his body and take room in all of his extremities. His shaking gets slightly worse at that, and Blaine cannot help the small choking sound that escapes his lips at the constant beeping sound. He is confused to say the least, and, whilst he does know Sebastian had warned him he only had a minute, this is not… not normal. So, feeling only a bit pathetic, he goes to call him once more and is met with Sebastian’s voicemail. More than once, too.
So. Huh.
That is kind of an answer in itself.
John notices something is wrong with him by breakfast. Well, correction, he notices the instant he wakes up and sees Blaine moping in bed, and the latter suspects John can tell he has not slept more than three hours. He gives him time to dwell in his misery for a while, and only approaches him during breakfast.
“Okay, what’s up?” John asks, letting himself fall onto the chair right in front of Blaine.
“Nothing is” Blaine answers, gaze lost in his cup of coffee.
“Right… because you’re sitting at the end of the Warblers’ table, avoiding everyone, because everything’s just fine. Also, eat this, I noticed you only grabbed coffee and we all know how you get when you are hungry”
“I am not hungry” Blaine immediately protests, pushing the plate of food John pushes towards him. His oldest friend hums in protest and pushes it closer “. Beat” Blaine sighs, raising his eyes to look at him.
“I’m serious. Eat. You don’t want me bringing Wes into this” he threatens, and it is enough to get Blaine to finally grab the plate, shoving some eggs into his mouth “. Good. Now - what’s up?”
“Nothing is” Blaine says once he swallows. John quirks an eyebrow at him, reminding Blaine of his threat, and gets another deep sigh for his efforts “. I… told Sebastian how I feel about him”
“What?” John exclaims, unable to hide his surprise. When all the Warblers turn to look at them John is quick to dismiss them, turning to look back at Blaine “. When?”
“Last night. I was unable sleep, so I snuck out to the Sophomore commons”
“When?” John asks, again surprised “. I didn’t even notice”
“I don’t know, one am perhaps? You were totally dead to the world. And you sleep like the dead, dude, so…”
“Funny. But, okay, you’re straying away, do not that. What happened?”
“Well, Beat” Blaine replies, clapping his hands together and pushing the plate with his half-eaten food away from him “. Just guess based on my mood”
Beat is unable to hide the grimace at that, looking a bit guilty for a second “. Blaine…”
“I confessed, told Sebastian I am in love with him and that I have been for literal years, and he hung up before I was completely done with my confession” he explains, and Beat cannot hide his grimace at that either “. So. That should tell you how it went”
“Dude, I am so sorry. I truly didn’t think Seb would react like that” he apologises, and Blaine knows he means it, but he also knows at that moment it’s not like it’s much of a comfort.
“I would love to say I didn’t think so either, but this is what I was scared about. Sebastian, he… has been through so much with his family. And I know this maybe overwhelmed him”
“Okay, so call him to check. Promise things will not change” John tries again, once more pushing the plate of food towards Blaine. Blaine pushes it back, knowing that now he’s half eaten it not even Wes can complain.
“I called him” Blaine argues “. Several times”
“When? Right after he hung up?” John asks back. At Blaine’s silence, he smirks in victory “. Listen… not going to lie, part of me is taken back by this. I was so sure he was going to return your feelings… but. I don’t know. Maybe he needs space, and maybe you can offer that to him. But maybe at first you can call, tell him you will be here for whenever he’s ready to talk. Or whatever”
“Wow, you’re really are out of your depth with this one, huh?” Blaine asks, only a bit perplexed.
“Shut up, I am trying. Look, you called him right after confessing your feelings, so if he was overwhelmed then, you were overwhelming him even more. But maybe you can try now, or even later”
“Now he’s finishing his school day, and we are about to start it. And later, I don’t know… it’ll be too late”
“It usually is not during your scheduled calls” John argues, again quirking an eyebrow at him “. Look, think about it? Maybe Seb overreacted, maybe you caught him off guard, but - try. Seriously”
Blaine sighs at that, feeling the eyes of every Warbler burn on the side of his head. He’s sure Wes is either going to interrogate him or possibly John, and he is not looking forward to it “. I will think about it. That’s all you get from me right now”
“Ugh, fine” John groans, throwing his head back for a minute “. But-“
“But nothing. I will think about it, that’s it. For now, I have to focus on the Warblers, alright?”
John softly snorts at that, finishing his plate of food and grabbing Blaine’s abandoned one “. Still worried about today’s performance?”
“Not worried, just… a bit nervous. It took me six months to convince Wes to do Katy Perry. If today’s performance is bad, I don’t think he will ever listen to me again”
“Eh, he’s named himself your older brother, I think you will be just fine. But. Sure. Warbler stuff… and then Sebastian’s”
“John”
Blaine keeps being distracted his whole day, which he can tell his friends notice. It is quite probable Wes has given them all a lecture to just let Blaine be for the moment, but that sadly indicates Wes will be interrogating him, and not John, sooner than later. However, what he had told John was true - he had (and wanted) to focus on the Warblers, and their upcoming performance. So, rushing a bit (because of course he is late), Blaine checks his watch for a moment, knowing his steps so well he doesn’t even have to look where he’s going. Before he can continue, however, there is a soft tap on his shoulder, and he turns to look at a teenage boy, who has to be only a bit older than him. He looks nervous, like he is very aware he does not quite belong in the Dalton hallways, and Blaine has to stop himself from quirking an eyebrow at his intent of a uniform. So, probably a spy. Not the first one they’ve had, but at least this one has tried with the uniform. Even when he’s sticking out like a sore thumb.
“Excuse me” the guy says, looking around at all the rushing students. Rushing to the Warblers’ performance, Blaine knows, and if he is one more minute late Wes will have his head, regardless of the performance’s success “. Hi. Can I ask you a question? I am new here”
And look - Blaine is a nice guy. Everyone tells him so. But sometimes, just sometimes, he likes to have a bit of fun (something he is blaming Sebastian for), so maybe this time he can entertain the spy for a bit. If anything so he’s aware of the threat the Warblers are. So, he puts his watch back in his pocket and shakes the stranger’s hand, as friendly as he can be.
“My name’s Blaine” he introduces himself, and Blaine can see the other guy taken back, returning his handshake after a long moment.
“Kurt. So what exactly is going on?” He asks, and Blaine lets himself smile at the thought of his brothers.
“The Warblers” he explains, not even trying to mask the pride in his voice “. Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons… tends to shut down the school for a while. We are kind of the rockstars of this whole place”
“So you’re part of them”
“Indeed” Blaine confirms “. Here, if you want to attend, follow all the students straight down there. It should be easy to find us”
“Maybe we could-“ Kurt stays to say, probably to propose them going together, but, as Blaine’s very own saviour, Jeff descends the staircase next, looking frazzled and like he is five seconds away from losing his shit.
“Blaine, oh my God, dude, we are so late, and Wes was already annoyed at me during breakfast because I told him I will be late for our meeting on Friday. C’mon”
Impressed as he is by watching Jeff say all of that in one breath, Blaine lets himself be dragged away and only waves goodbye to Kurt, briefly wondering if he will see him in the senior commons or not. Jeff practically throws him into John’s arms when they get there, the taller of the three laughing at both of their slightly red faces.
“Glad to see you made it. And, B-“
“Park it for now” Blaine says immediately “. Warblers now, alright?”
“Warblers” John agrees “. But for now”
Blaine rolls his eyes at his best friend and playfully shoves him back, smiling innocently at Wes when he looks at him with an eyebrow raised in question. Straightening up his uniform, Blaine walks up so he’s at the centre and front of the group, only a bit surprised to see the spy (Kurt, he said his name was) right there, watching them with avid eyes. Well, time to show him what the Warblers are capable of.
Blaine gives his all for the performance, growing during it when he realises how much the crowd is enjoying it - even Wes seems to be having the time of his life, which only works in Blaine’s favour, really. At the end of it they receive thunderous applause, and Blaine receives his surrogate older brother’s hug with a smile, satisfied at being right about this. Not only for, well, being right, but also because now the council will listen to him more. Well, probably.
Blaine catches Wes’s eyes, and then David’s, both having realised the same thing as him about the new kid. He can only guess there is an interrogatory coffee in his immediate future, and he almost feels sorry for Kurt, he knows his friends can be a bit brutal - hopefully he has a story sad enough Wes and David will take pity on him.
“That was incredible” Kurt says the moment he sees Blaine have a second to himself “. I can see why everyone here loves you guys”
“Thank you” Blaine smiles, bashfully. He catches another glance from Wes that clearly tells him to invite Kurt for that interrogatory coffee “. Hey, would you have some free time for a coffee? A couple of Warblers and I…”
The sentence dies in his mouth the moment Blaine takes his eyes off of Kurt, traveling through the room and into the hallways, just to check the rest of the Warblers were realising his intentions and leaving the trio and spy alone. However, just as he does that, Blaine is briefly convinced he is seeing an hallucination, because it cannot be.
It cannot be Sebastian at the end of the hallway.
Blaine blinks several times in a row, pretty sure Kurt is now thinking he’s lost his mind, and he can tell there are a few Warblers looking at him, can tell John must have the biggest smile on his face.
Sebastian is still there after all of his blinks, after several seconds, after some students walk around him and give him a greeting. He’s there, dressed as an actual Dalton student. He’s there, smiling brilliantly at Blaine, like he himself cannot believe he’s there.
Blaine blinks once more, in stupor, and then looks at John, who is looking back at him. Like Blaine had guessed, he’s smiling like a maniac, nodding at him at a speed that has the shorter of the two genuinely worried for his neck. He looks at Sebastian again, and he’s real.
“Excuse me” he hears, and he knows it is Kurt, but he cannot make himself to actually look at him “. What-?”
“If you excuse me” Blaine says, and then he cannot help himself, he runs the honestly offensive distance between his best friend and he, jumping into his already open arms when he’s close enough, Sebastian’s laugh resonating in his ears. It is so magical to hear it in person instead of through face time, Blaine cannot really put it into words.
Sebastian’s tall, something Blaine already knew but that hadn’t quite processed in his mind, and he’s solid under Blaine, the long lines of his body pressed against his own, arms around his waist and lifting him off the ground a few feet, squeezing him tight.
Blaine’s hands go directly to Sebastian’s nape, touching his silky hair for the first time, tangling his fingers in it and pushing Sebastian’s head closer to him, nestling it in the crook of his neck. He stops himself from putting his legs around his waist, if barely, and only because he knows they must be quite the spectacle right now.
Knowing he has to do something if he doesn’t want everyone at Dalton to talk about this until the school year is done, he leans back and forces Sebastian to put him back on the ground, hands still firmly on Blaine’s waist. He moves his own so they rest on the taller’s forearms, squeezing them gently. Sebastian’s tall enough he has to slightly look up at him, and for a moment the only thing in Blaine’s mind is the thought of how green Sebastian’s eyes are up close. Their beauty takes his breath, and thoughts, away, even if for just a moment.
“Oh my God” he finally says, laughing. He’s breathless, just like Sebastian is, and he is extremely aware of everyone looking in their direction (Dalton students are gossipy, and not a single one is trying to be subtle about it) “. What- how- Sebastian, this is-“
“I know” Sebastian laughs, understanding Blaine’s stuttering because it seems wild that after more than six years of being best friends online, there they are, sharing the same space for the very first time “. I know, Killer”
His voice sounds slightly different, Blaine notices. He guesses it has to be part the emotion and part the fact that he’s there in person, instead of at the other side of a video call, but it is a detail he cannot help but focus on. Just like all the freckles that he hadn’t been able to focus on before; sure, he had seen them in great quality in some pictures, but it is not comparable to real life.
“What are you doing here?” Blaine finally gets out, stepping impossibly closer to Sebastian “. I… I don’t… you’re wearing a uniform, Bas, what…”
Sebastian smiles at him at that, fondly, and releases his waist in order to clasp Blaine’s hand in his “. Come with me”
Blaine lets himself be dragged away, knowing John will pick up his school bag for him and bring it to their dorm, and he ignores the Warbler’s whistles and every eye in the Dalton corridors looking at them going by. Even when they’re away from the senior commons and the nearby hallways, every student fixes their eyes on them, probably wondering why the Golden Boy of the Warblers (therefore of Dalton) is letting himself be dragged away by a student that no one knows (yet).
Sebastian’s a bit hesitant in his steps, as if he still doesn’t know his way fully, and Blaine has to stop himself from suggesting he can be his guide, knowing Dalton better than the back of his hand. The taller of the two still gets them to their destination, to Blaine’s surprise the dorm building, and his floor. Which in itself it shouldn’t be surprising, he thinks - the floors are divided by age, and Sebastian’s his age, so he must be a sophomore as well. To his growing level of surprise, Sebastian gets inside one room, only four to the left of Blaine’s.
The moment the door is closed behind them Sebastian turns around and pulls Blaine to his body, hugging him incredibly tight, and yet just perfect. Blaine can understand the feeling, the need of being impossibly close(r) to the taller boy… they’ve been victims of distance for years on end, now that they are finally in the presence of each other, any space between them feels wrong. Mocking. So he hugs back, and melts into Sebastian’s embrace, and thinks he has never had better hugs, in his life.
Blaine isn’t quite sure just how long they are hugging for. Perhaps five minutes, or ten, or an hour - he doesn’t care, he would be there for the rest of his life, and it still wouldn’t feel like enough.
When they separate, a bit reluctantly, Sebastian cups his face, smiling breathlessly down at him - Blaine knows he’s smiling back like an idiot, but he cannot help it. There hasn’t been one other time in his life, he thinks, where he’s been happier.
“Blaine” he says, like he cannot believe Blaine’s there, very much what the aforementioned is feeling. It takes him a moment, but then the taller seems to take a deep breath, and softly draws his thumbs over Blaine’s cheeks “. When you called me, last night” he starts, and the shorter wants to tense at that, but Sebastian’s touch makes it impossible “, I was already on the plane, about to take off”
“Oh. You were?” Blaine asks, timidly. Sebastian smiles brighter at that, nodding.
“Yeah” he confirms “. The stewardess took my phone mid call and hung it up. Put it in airplane mode, too”
“Rude”
“To be fair” Sebastian laughs “, she did ask me to turn it off like, ten times, before she did it herself. She didn’t care how I was listening in to the cutest love confession ever”
“Super rude, then”
Sebastian huffs a laugh at that, softly kissing Blaine’s forehead. The feeling of Sebastian’s lips on his skin for the first time nearly sends Blaine into cardiac arrest “. Yeah, yeah. My Dad is on it”
“Good”
“I’m sorry for not calling back” Sebastian apologises, and it brings back some of the wannabe tension in Blaine’s body “. I just - I knew I was going to show up at Dalton, so I figured that was a more epic surprise… and, believe me, I’ve been dying to call you since the moment I landed, but I had also been planning this for a while”
“Wait, really?” Blaine asks, interrupting him but not rudely.
“Oh yeah. Have known for some long weeks now”
“And what you know… is that you’re here to stay?” Blaine asks, just a bit insecure “. Does you being here mean you’re starting at Dalton?”
“Yeah” Sebastian is quick to confirm, the brilliant smile on his face only growing. He moves the hands cupping Blaine’s face so they rest on his waist, bringing him closer to his body. Blaine is quick and happy to comply, putting his own on Sebastian’s upper arms “. I had a long talk with my parents a few months back about what I want in my future, and what I want overall. And I know that, as much as I love Paris… it wasn’t healthy for me anymore. It never truly was, but much less in the last year or so. So… I told my parents so. And also, how I didn’t want to be shipped out to another boarding school in Scotland. I know I want to go to college here, and whilst the education in Paris is amazing, they, naturally, don’t focus on getting into American Ivy Leagues”
“But that’s something you want to focus on”
“Yeah. So after that my parents and I reached an agreement - for me to move with my Dad, back in the States. Around the same time I was talking to them about this my Dad received an offer to work as the State’s Attorney in Columbus, so… I figured, it was perfect. He knows you, and when I told him you were attending Dalton and how good it is, he was quickly convinced to enrol me in. Apparently you’re a good influence”
“Is that so, huh?” Blaine asks, playfully.
“That is so” Sebastian confirms “. And, actually…”
“Yeah?” Blaine asks, softly.
“Even if my Dad was still in Chicago, I would’ve asked for him to enrol me here”
“Even if it is another boarding school?” Blaine asks, playfully. His laugh is abruptly shortened when Sebastian pulls him even closer to him.
“I don’t care about that part” he replies “. Not if it means I would get to be with you the entire day. Or, as much time as I possibly could”
“Bas…” Blaine breathes out, his smile so big his cheeks are hurting. It’s the best pain he’s ever experienced.
“Now we can go to classes together” Sebastian continues “. I can even try for the Warblers, if you’re okay with that-“
“It will be a dream come true, Bas. And I’m sure everyone will be happy to have you there, you have an amazing voice and moves”
“Knew you appreciated that” Sebastian says, smiling cheekily. He turns serious a second later, looking nervous even, and Blaine in turn becomes nervous instantly. He goes when Sebastian tugs him closer, and breathes shakily when the taller softly rests their foreheads together “. You’re happy with this, then?” he asks, uncharacteristically shy.
“Happy? Bas, this my biggest dream come true” Blaine answers truthfully. His answer makes Sebastian huff a laugh, and nudge his nose against Blaine’s for a second.
“That’s a big relief” he answers, as if him joining Dalton was not going to be the best news Blaine had received in months. He moves one hand then, traveling from Blaine’s waist to the side of his face, and his gentle caress almost puts Blaine’s nerve endings on fire “. Actually, I…”
“You?”
“I was wondering if, now that we will live in the same space, sort of… if we could live in the same space together”
Blaine opens his mouth in surprise at that, leaning back to look better into Sebastian’s eyes “. Together as in…?”
“As in” Sebastian starts, his other hand going to Blaine’s face as well to caress it reverently “ I love you. I love you, too. And not in the way I would love my best friend, even though you are and will forever be my absolute best friend, but… as in, I am in head over heels in love with you. I have been for such a long time”
“Have you?” Blaine asks, voice shaking with emotion because how is this real. At Sebastian’s nod, he just has to ask “. For how long?”
“Long enough that when you asked me if I had a crush I panicked, and I had to lie to not confess right then and there that you had been my crush for as long as I can remember. I’ve been head over heels in love with you long enough that I spiralled when I thought I could lose you, that you could fall for a guy that wasn’t me”
“That’s not possible” Blaine is quick to say, shaking his head “. I’m only yours. I’ve always been only yours”
“And I have always been yours” Sebastian says, so much sincerity and love in his voice, it is kind of overwhelming, but in the best way.
“Good” Blaine smiles “. Because there is no world, Sebastian, where I don’t end up loving you”
Sebastian smiles brilliantly at that, nodding, and when he looks into Blaine’s eyes with a silent question in his, the hazel-eyed boy nods, almost imperceptibly, and yet just enough. Sebastian’s smile grows even more so at that, leaning in, and Blaine joins in halfway for the best first kiss he could’ve imagined.
Sebastian’s lips are soft beneath his, fit perfectly and feel so good Blaine doesn’t know a way to describe - he’s pretty sure he will never be able to put it into words. But it’s fine. They have all the time in the world.