Hold Me (Like I Mean Something)

by SweetlyMischievous

Summary:

Despite popular belief, Alastor was not in love with the King.

He was only with him for power. He really was. But even he had his limits, and even he knew when it was time to give up. The fact of the matter was that their relationship had run its course. It was only time before Alastor made it official. Now if only Lucifer would stop distracting him with his good-for-nothing kisses.

Notes:

Inspired by a late-night prompt my friend sent me.

I hope you're happy with this, Bon. This was for you.

Alastor didn’t know when this entire mess with the short and good-for-nothing King began to get out of hand. 

 

If he were to guess, he would say that it all started some time after the failed Extermination Day. Days after the hotel was rebuilt and hours after Charlie found him unconscious in a pool of his own blood. He would like to think that it was after Lucifer healed him and forced a truce into existence after Charlie’s half a dozen attempts to make them get along.

 

It would be easy to blame Charlie for the mess that Al had found himself in. Almost alarmingly so. She had a hand in it after all. He might as well give her the credit for this… thing he had with her father.

 

Except that wouldn’t be quite accurate would it?

 

The truth was, this entire mess with Lucifer started way before the game nights or the therapy sessions Charlie insisted on having. Though it didn't begin to get out of hand until much later, it started before the failed Extermination Day, and even before Charlie went up to Heaven to argue her case. 

 

It began way before that.

 

The truth was, this entire mess began when Lucifer first showed up at the Hotel three months after its initial opening. When Lucifer, who first scoffed at the idea of the hotel, gave it a chance for his daughter. When he lowered his pride and took her hands in his and looked at her with so much affection that it made Alastor’s insides churn and his heart heavy.

 

Alastor would never admit to anyone but the look on Lucifer’s face as he promised to be better for his daughter bothered him.

 

Not because he believed that the King of Hell himself was incapable of loving someone, though a part of him did believe that. But because… well, because he never really thought it was possible for a father to love their child as much. 

 

Perhaps, it was on him and his upbringing but the idea of a man showing that much affection was laughable. Endlessly comedic, he could even say, if there wasn’t any nefarious intention behind it. Which would explain everything. But in Lucifer’s case, it didn’t seem like it. 

 

Call Alaster presumptuous, but there was something in the King’s eyes that made it clear that there wasn’t any ulterior motive beneath his kind words. 

 

Love. He would later note. Pure and unapologetic love for his daughter. 

 

How sickening. 

 

But nonetheless that was what pulled Alastor in. He would later deny it of course. Bury it deep and swear up and down that it was power that pulled him in. That it was the idea of having the King’s favor and the privileges that came with it that made him return the King’s advances. 

 

Better to be known as a social climber, which he was not , than a pathetic man looking for love. Besides, it wasn’t as though the idea of him being a social climber lasted that long. It barely made the news twice before the King shut it down. 

 

It was a joy to watch, really. 

 

Seeing the King in his full demonic glory threatening to snap anyone who dared to call Alastor a ‘social climbing whore’ out of existence was entertaining. Though a tad bit dramatic considering that Alastor could have done it himself. He was more than capable of making Vox and his merry band of twits shut up thank you very much. 

 

Still, he wasn’t going to deny a gift freely given. His maman had taught him better than that, after all. Besides, there were merits to having the King be seen invested in his wellbeing. And if he’d given the King a kiss or two after, it was mere power play and nothing more, no matter how much Angel may believe it was.

 

Maybe he was the one to blame for the mess his thing with the King was starting to become. It was Angel, after all, that put into his head how domestic he was being with the midget. 

 

Which he wasn’t . 

 

Alastor didn’t know why, but he felt the urge to clarify that with himself. He wasn’t being domestic with the King. He really wasn’t. He was merely solidifying his claim on Lucifer’s favor. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Nothing more.

 

Nothing less.

 

Nothing more. 

 

Nothing less.

 

There were no actual feelings attached. Even back when he first felt drawn to the King, it was nothing more than mere curiosity. A mere itch to figure out why he was so affectionate with his child in a way that Alastor had never seen a father be. 

 

There was nothing more to read on his thing with the King.

 

So why was Angel insisting on it? Why was Charlie giving her blessing and Vaggie her begrudging approval. Were they seeing something he wasn’t? Most likely. Maybe the stress of running the hotel had finally gotten to them.

 

Perhaps it was high time they started to look for a psychologist to work at the hotel? Now that wouldn’t be such a terrible idea. Charlie had mentioned about wanting to find one in the past and it would even help with her bothersome little therapy sessions. 

 

But who to hire?

 

There weren’t exactly plenty of sinners open to discussing their previous life so that would limit his options. Perhaps the man that frequented Mimzy’s establishment would do. What was his name again? It started with Sigmund that was for sure. 

 

Alastor would first need to verify his identity of course but after that, maybe this Sigmund fellow would make a wonderful addition to the hotel. 

 

He would need to see. 

 

In the meantime, however, he would need to make do with ignoring the other inhabitants of the hotel which in and of itself wasn't difficult. He'd dealt with the usual knowing looks and smug faces plenty of times before so it never bothered him as much as it did in his youth. 

 

But that wasn’t really what was bothering him was it?

 

It wasn’t their looks that chipped at him. Nor was it Angel’s constant woof whistles, though those did test his patience greatly. It wasn’t any of those but something else. Something that he hadn’t even considered before it started grating on him.

 

It was acceptance. Their acceptance and their support , that bothered Alastor. Of all the ways that Alastor believed they could react to him being in a… relationship with the King, this wasn’t one of them. All things considered, he actually expected the exact opposite of the reaction he was getting from them. 

 

He thought he would receive push back. Shouted at with curses on his name, his purpose, his identity, and even his existence as a whole. Alastor had prepared himself for months to receive all of that and more. Hell, he even prepared himself for the possibility of Charlie finally kicking him out of the hotel. 

 

Except, he didn’t get the reaction he thought he would. Instead, he got acceptance, their support, their trust that he truly loved the King and wasn’t planning for anything more.

 

It was ridiculous.

 

It didn’t make sense. They all knew who he was and what deceptions he was capable of and yet they still trusted him. Charlie still trusted him and with her father’s heart of all things. It was senseless, idiotic , of her to do. Yet she still did it. 

 

That was what bothered him, and that was when this entire thing with the King started to become more trouble than it was worth. 

 

By all accounts, Alastor should start thinking of ways to end this farce with the King before things got even more out of hand. It made no sense to continue it. He had his fun, though he’d yet to figure out why exactly the King was so affectionate with his daughter. Ideally, he would have more time to think that through but time wasn’t a luxury he had with this ticking time bond of a relationship they had. 

 

The relationship had run its course. Now it was only time before Alastor had made it official. 

 

But now?

 

He would need to make a spectacle out of it, that was for sure. Grand but not too grand to be unbelievable. Just enough to make sense of the damned relationship they have. He would need to straighten out the details sooner than later.

 

So many loose ends to tie, not enough time. 

 

One thing was for sure though, it needed to be the King’s fault. 

 

Not Alastor’s but the King’s. 

 

Bad enough that he received multiple threats on his life from the damned Sins on what they would do if he tried to break the King’s heart. No need to give them any reason to actually follow through with their threats. Alastor liked living, thank you very much. 

 

So it would need to be the King’s. 

 

Alastor would need to lead him, of course, to get the result he wanted but that was simple. The King was so infatuated with him that he would give him anything he wanted. Ridiculous. Careless for the King to willingly admit.

 

If Alastor actually felt any affection for the King, he would have done something about it earlier on. He would have pulled him aside and lectured him about the dangers of admitting his affection for another out loud.  

 

Of course, he would only be doing that for appearances sake. He was under no illusion to believe that the King would actually take his concerns seriously.

 

Alastor tried months prior.

 

It didn't work. Lucifer didn't listen to him. He merely laid on their bed and nodded like a fool while playing with Alastor’s shadow. Alastor wasn’t even sure then if he was actually listening to him or if he even cared that Alastor was kind enough to try and rectify his mistake.

 

He didn’t. 

 

That Alastor was sure of considering later that day the fool not only publicly proclaimed his affection for Alastor but also proceeded to kiss him in front of the damned reporters Charlie allowed inside the hotel for that good for nothing interview.

 

It was humiliating. Degrading and beyond infuriating. Just the thought of how Lucifer pulled him down to capture his lips were enough to make his cheeks heat up and his heart skip a beat.

 

Alastor could still remember how foolish he’d allow himself to be seen after Lucifer’s display. Cheeks flushed red, eyes blown wide and lips bleeding after Lucifer had bit him. He’d quickly sunk into his shadow after the damned Devil had released him so didn’t exactly hear nor see how anyone reacted to his shameful display. 

 

He could only imagine how revolting he must have looked. It was a miracle how Vox and his dimwitted twits had yet to do their usual mockery with the face he’s shown. Perhaps, they were starting to lose their edge? Hopefully. Though, he could never truly know with Vox.

 

The demon had changed in the many years they’ve been apart. A shame how their partnership had ended. Though Alastor supposed that if it hadn’t ended the way it did, he would have never found his way to the hotel and subsequently into the Devil himself’s arms. 

 

Into the Devil’s arms. 

 

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. 

 

He really should get back to thinking of ways to end it with Lucifer. It would do him no good to continue with this farce of a relationship. But then just the idea of planning ways to part with him was making Alastor’s heart heavy and lump to form in his throat.

 

Allergies, most likely. 

 

Nifty must have mixed up his ingredients again. He would need to speak to her about that. While he doesn’t mind her quirks, he couldn’t have her mixing regular meat with sinner’s meat. Heaven knows the things that regular meat did to his stomach. 

 

He wondered, for a bit, how to best speak to her about it without prompting her to tears before the air behind him seemed to shift. Then-

 

Out of nowhere, a familiar pair of arms found their way around his waist and lips on the shell of his ear. Alastor’s heart skipped a beat. It was Lucifer. “Hello there, Beautiful.”

 

Another kiss, this time on his nape. “Isn’t it a bit too late for you to be up?” And then another just above his pulse. 

 

Alastor’s breath hitched, and he could feel the curve of Lucifer’s smirk against the thin skin of his throat. He’d always been sensitive around that part of his neck. Lucifer knew this, of course. That was why it was his favorite place to kiss. To bite. To mark. “Waiting for me?”

 

“No.” Alastor said, it came out weaker and sounded more breathless than he’d intended to. “Just thinking.”

 

“Oh?” 

 

“Nothing-” Alastor choked. Lucifer’s hands, ever the curious ones, had taken to roaming his torso. It wouldn’t be long before he lost his clothing for sure. Lucifer never did have the patience for his suits despite wearing similar ones himself. “Nothing important.”

 

“Are you sure? If it’s important for you to think about, it should be important enough for me to know.” Lucifer whispered and before Alastor knew what was happening, he was flipped around and cornered into a wall. 

 

In front of him, Lucifer stood in all his kingly glory. He towered over him with his wings out and holding him up. A habit he’d irritatingly developed in the nine months Alastor had been seeing him after noticing Alastor’s bodily reactions to it.

 

“Tell me about it?” 

 

Alastor swallowed, feeling his cheeks heat up. His smile thinned to resemble a grimace than an actual smile before he looked away. A minor strategic retreat, he thought to himself, better to do so now before he humiliated himself more with the many bodily reactions that Lucifer oh-so-loved to pull from him.

 

“No?”

 

Lucifer dropped his feet to the ground and grabbed hold of Alastor’s waist once more. “Alright then.” was the last thing he heard from Lucifer before they suddenly transported back to their room. 

 

Alastor gasped as he felt himself land directly on a ridiculously large love seat. Lucifer’s love seat, he recognized. The one he insisted on having in their shared quarters. 

 

A familiar weight landed on his lap and Alastor huffed, making a point to cross his arms and look away from the annoying midget who merely looked at him with amusement. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

 

He didn't. Not really. He just didn't like the sounds Lucifer was able to pull from him after surprising him like that. Not that he would ever admit to it. Though he had a growing suspicion that Lucifer already knew.

 

“Apologies.” Lucifer murmured in that low tone that he knew sent butterflies to Alasor’s stomach. “Let me make it up to you.”

 

He took Alastor’s hand in his and slowly brought it up to his lips. Lucifer made sure to meet his eyes before leaning down to plant his lips on the back of his hand. Alastor’s breath hitched, and Lucifer began his onslaught of kisses on Alastor’s hand.

 

He moved slowly. Soft lips drag across his skin until they meet the first knuckle of his index finger. Lucifer paused and Alastor could feel the slight curve of his smile as he kissed his knuckles. 

 

Alastor doesn’t breath. He doesn’t dare. Doesn’t want to interrupt Lucifer as he left a trail of feather-light kisses to the tip of Alastor’s fingers. 

 

There has always been something about Lucifer’s kisses that never failed to make Alastor feel faint. Something so intimate that it made Alastor question his sanity on whether or not what he was feeling was actually real. 

 

It felt like a dream on most nights. A nightmare in some. He could never tell which was which until he woke up. Sometimes in sweat. Often with want. 

 

“I love you.” Lucifer said, lips pressed against the tip of his ring finger, and Alastor’s mouth went dry. 

 

This wasn’t the first time Lucifer said it. Neither will it be the last. Be it in public or in private, Alastor was sure that wouldn’t be the last. Lucifer himself had said it before after the first time they’d fought about it. 

 

It was the first fight they had since they got together—a record considering how different they were. The entire thing was messy. They’d successfully trashed the hotel lobby, drained the entire bar, and even caused a near blackout on technology courtesy of Alastor’s radio waves.

 

In the end, it took Rosie being called to the hotel and working as an ‘Alastor translator’ to get everything calm down. To this day, Alastor didn't know what she said to him to get him to apologize but he wasn’t complaining. Though a part of him was confused by Lucifer's sudden need to clarify that he wasn’t going to leave because of their fight, nor would his affection lessen.

 

“I love you.” Lucifer said it again. This time his lips were pressed against the first knuckle of his ring finger. 

 

Alastor hadn’t said it back yet. A part of him doubted that he ever will. As dirty and as rotten as he is, he doubted that he could even love Lucifer the same way he loved him. 

 

So he settled on burying his face on his shoulder and hoped that it was enough. That Lucifer would understand as he always did. Make no mistake, Alastor didn’t love him. He never did. He most likely never will. It simply wasn’t in his nature to. 

 

Though perhaps he was wrong to say that he held no affection for Lucifer. It was just too early to say. With only nine months into their relationship, there were plenty of things that could happen. It would be foolish of him to lower his guard and become comfortable in his place in Lucifer’s heart. 

 

But still, he wanted to. 

 

Foolishly, idiotically, almost desperately , he wanted to.

 

“I like you.” 

 

Alastor froze. He hadn’t meant to say that. It just slipped out. Lucifer went still on his lap and Alastor was almost afraid to look at him. He doesn’t know how he’d react. Not good probably. Disappoint, definitely.  

 

Alastor should just leave. He’d ruined the mood and Lucifer probably didn't want to see him. He just hadn’t said it yet but the moment he gathered his bearing, Alastor was sure that he would. No one ever liked it when he said like instead of the cursed word love. So why would he be different?

 

Just as he was about to slip away, Lucifer slipped his arms around him. “I like you too.” He gasped out as if out of breath, and Alastor froze.

 

For the second time that day, he froze like a deer in the headlights and did something foolish, he looked directly at Lucifer’s face. To Alastor’s astonishment, he didn’t look angry. He didn’t even look the slightest bit upset. Instead he looked… happy? Why would he-?

 

Then Lucifer’s words hit him. 

 

Alastor couldn’t believe it. “What did you say?” 

 

Had he heard him correctly? 

 

Did he really say what Alastor thought he did? 

 

Better yet, was he really alright with what Alastor said?

 

“I like you too.” Lucifer repeated with a charmingly stupid grin on his face. His eyes looked surprisingly wet as if he was moments away from crying, which didn’t make sense. If he wasn’t upset by what Alastor had said then what was there to cry about? 

 

“I like you,” Lucifer leaned down to kiss his wrist. “Very,” A kiss on his collar bone. “ Very ,” A kiss on his cheek. “Much.” He leaned to capture Alastor’s lips and Alastor met him half way.

 

When he finally pulled away, Alastor was breathless. Damn him and his kisses. He always knew how to make it feel like it was the first time. 

 

It was for that reason, and that reason only, that Alastor would wait. Just a little longer before thinking of ways to end this farce of a relationship. Maybe it wasn’t so bad having, not loving, but affection for Lucifer. 

 

Notes:

When you're competing in the mental gymnastics to justify a relationship, but Alastor's your competition.

Alastor's not the most reliable narrator because he's afraid most of the time of what he's feeling. He jumps between wanting to end things with the King and having feelings for Lucifer. He's confused. Or rather, he's afraid of recognizing the true depth of his feelings for Lucifer because he doesn't want to be helpless to it.

He has a lot of issues, most stemming from his childhood, and it's affecting how he deals with his relationships. Will he address his issues? Nope. Will he be forced to? Maybe.

Also, lowkey tempted to write something from Lucifer's point of view. My boy is in love and unlike Al, he's much more honest and vocal about it.

Anyways, it's been a hot minute since I've written anything, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think.