Chapter 1: stay here my dearest (you will not die in my arms)
Summary:
hey everyone. planning on updating every Monday, unless I can get it out earlier. today is Sunday so next Monday I'll see you again! thanks for reading I promise it gets better.
shameless plug for my yt channel where I post pjo edits:
https://youtube.com/@death.boy.editzz?si=UxSz94FhStq0Qg_n
Chapter Text
The waves rolled. Somewhere in the distance, a boy's heart broke. The days after Tartarus had been too hard, too painful.
Annabeth. She tried, more than anyone. Held him when he shattered, told him it was okay. He wasn't a monster. Every night, when the nightmares were too much to bear, they cried, wrapped in each other's embrace. But soon, the warmth that had always enveloped him turned bitter. She got better. The nightmares of Arachne dissipated.
He was weak, he thought to himself. Coudn't recover from Tartarus, this boy, bruised and bloody, but always steadfast. His light was fading.
Annabeth said they were over. Her fingers trembled, itching to interlock themselves with his, but she held them at her side. Percy bowed his head. The son of the sea, the savior of olympus, had nothing but a weary dull ache in his bones.
His light was but a flicker.
~
When had the scarred, ocean-eyed boy caught Apollo's attention? He truly couldn't tell. Was it when a boy, barely a teenager, held the weight of the world on his mortal shoulders? Was it when he, son of the raging seas, had been the one to save Olympus, yet again? Was it earlier, when he had been beaten by his excuse of a stepfather?
His light had never wavered. Not when those bright sea-green eyes lost friend after friend, not when he endured more than most mortals could comprehend. But this Perseus, with his broad shoulders and lopsided smile, had walked through the only place where light cannot reach. Tartarus.
To save a friend, this boy, would give up his life, and that is why his fire had always burned bright. As he toiled thorugh the pits of hell, Apollo watched. He watched the darkness take over for a brief moment. watched him torture a goddess. He knew Perseus would never forgive himself.
He cried for him, for the blindingly bright soul with the sea-green eyes, for the boy that never got to be just that, for the man that would never recover. He cried for the Destroyer, who never wished to be one. Great, heaving sobs, for the boy enveloped in light.
Apollo hadn't seen a being so full of life and energy since Hyacinthus. Briefly, he wondered how things would turn out with Percy Jackson. Then he forced it down. He had vowed; never again would he love so fiercely, never again.
On Olympus, Aphrodite smiled. She knew.
~
Percy sat on the shoreline and gazed at the sunset. It was awfully pretty today; golds and crimson reds and beautiful, shimmering oranges mixing together. It was different every day, it seemed. Percy had taken to watching the sunset every evening; the blazing, unforgettable beauty chased away the shadows in his mind. Sometimes he thought Apollo had done it just for him. He shook the irrational thoughts off. That was impossible, but it truly was stunning tonight.
He had withdrawn from his friends. He stopped eating with them, stopped talking to anyone, really. It was selfish, he knew, they needed him. But how could he help anyone when he couldn't even control his own mind? Tiny things set him off. A loud noise sent him spiraling into darkness. A cry left him helpless with memories of the poison he had controllled. Why couldn't he recover like the others?
The Hero of Olympus gazed at his arms. Scarred from top to bottom, perfect, even cuts. Thank the gods for hoodies. Just looking at them made him feel stupid. Nothing would help with the demons in his mind, though. The pain chased the darkness away. The blood (tinted with gold that he happily ignored) that gushed down his arms warded off the nightmares.
~
Whispers filled the camp. What had happened to their great leader? Perhaps he had been defeated by a rogue monster.
"No," a son of Nike whispers to his brother. "I heard he's washed now. You know he controlled poison in Tartarus?"
Gasps.
"Seriously? He's so weak now. Can't even get up for breakfast." A daughter of Aphrodite, Cassandra, laughs.
Nico di Angelo rises to tell them they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Will Solace pulls him down. Nico sits, resigned.
A boy with jet black hair and hollow, sea green eyes watches. He sighs. They were right.
~
When Percy was taken by the darkness, Apollo was asleep. He jolted up. He was Light, after all. Felt every soul like his own. Sensed pulsing heartbeats like they were pounding against his chest.
Percy Jackson's soul had always been different. Strings of fate connected the Sun and Perseus, that much Apollo could see. Percy was in danger. The waning light of his soul had gone out. No. No. It couldn't be.
Apollo flashed straight to Camp Half-Blood, ignoring the pointed stares and whispers from the campers. Apollo rushed to the beach, his hands shaking, ready for the worst. And the worst he got.
There was Perseus. There was the savior of the world, lying there, broken, on the soft, golden sand. The campers were gawking at their hero, unsure what to do.
"Do something!" Apollo barked. "Don't just stand there!" Suddenly everyone started moving again, unfrozen. Apollo picked up his beautiful body and rushed him to the infirmary. Panic flooded his veins. Poison. No, this would not be another Hyacinthus, the Sun god vowed.
~
Apollo was the God of Healing for a reason. He moved like the wind itself through the infirmary as he desperately tried to save the Son of Poseidon. Will helped him, searching through drawers for everything the god needed. Nico looked on, praying Percy would be okay.
Please, Atropos.
"He's alive." the Sun god slumped against a table. Nico exhaled.
"Thank the gods." Nico was still shaking.
"Yes, but especially thank me." Apollo joked weakly. Will breathed a shaky laugh. Apollo's face hardened.
"Did you see what happened?" he interrogated. Will and Nico glanced at each other. They had been in Nico's cabin, watching a movie when it happened. But they weren't going to reveal that to Will's dad of all people. They both shook their heads.
"Nope." Nico answered. "How did you get here so fast?" he changed the subject, hoping not to wander into the topic of where they had been.
The god had been hoping to avoid this question. He hadn't told anyone about his power except his sister. But surely he could trust these demigods. His son, for sure. He wasn't so sure about the Hades child, but Will spoke highly of him.
"I can sense people's souls." he eventually explained. Both of the demigods look confused. "I am the god of light, so I can sense the amount of light in one's soul. I have been keeping tabs on Perseus for a while." Nico looked puzzled, but didn't question it. After all, Apollo was the reason Percy was alive.
Will and Nico eventually left to sleep, but the god stayed. After all, he didn't need to sleep anyway. He was not going to let Percy out of his sight. Plus, now that he was alone, he could cherish the beauty of Percy's body. Unfortunately (not), Apollo had taken off his shirt to treat the wound. He tried not to stare too long at the son of Poseidon, but still his gaze lingered.
The boy looked so peaceful, his face still against the moonlight. He looked like an angel. Apollo suddenly felt the urge to hide him away from everyone. From monsters, from Zeus, from the shadows.
Apollo watched the son of the sea, his chest rising and falling with ragged breaths. When Apollo squinted, he could see tendrils of darkness wrapped around Perseus' body. What? He blinked. That couldn't be right. But it was gone when he looked again. A trick of the light? That couldn't be. Apollo could've sworn the shadows were enveloping the boy. He shook his head. He was probably just tired.
He stayed, watching the green-eyed boy, relishing in his presence. It looked like the Sun god's vow never to love so fiercely was broken. His desire to wrap Perseus in his arms was debilitating, like broken shards of glass digging into his heart.
"Curse you, Aphrodite!"
Aphrodite laughed. He hadn't even seen a sliver of what she could do to him.
Chapter 2: wish you were here (in paradise)
Summary:
Percy is still dealing with lots of leftover guilt and pain from the war. Thalia is still grieving the loss of Jason.
(yes, I took inspiration from Alex Warren in the title)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A fierce ray of light shown down on Camp half-blood. The goddess of the Hunt frowned. The hunters were visiting the demigod camp, to Thalia's delight. She had tried to hide it, but she had been missing Nico and Percy. Jason's death was still raw in her mind.
Artemis had noticed this, and decided her hunters could use a break. They had lost many hunters in the fight with Orion. Phoebe's presence was sorely missed. Not only was she a great tracker and healer, her personality and dry humour had always kept the mood up. The hunters had loved her like a sister.
She had made her hunters promise not to burn any cabins down. She didn't want any more incidents, and neither did Chiron.
Artemis was still pondering what could've happened as she and the Hunt drew closer to the center pavilion. She let her hunters get settled at the mess hall (those magic food plates were really handy) and went to seek out where the sharp beam of light was directed at. She loved her brother, but sometimes he was impulsive and couldn't control himself. She had always been the cold twin, while he had always been warm and happy, having crazy ideas that Artemis shot down. Lately, though, he had seemed distant and melancholy. She wondered what that was about.
As the Goddess of the Hunt, Artemis could easily make her footfalls unnoticebale and impossibly quiet. She definitely didn't want her little brother (though he claimed to be older) to notice her spying on him.
She narrowed her eyes. Sitting on the beach, staring into the distance, was Percy Jackson. And the beam of light? It was enveloping him. The realization struck her like one of Zeus's bolts. Apollo was in love. Artemis had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. Of course. He had been distant because he was too busy spying on his little crush.
The goddess knew, of course, that this wasn't just a little crush. With her twin brother, no, it was never a crush. He loved deeply and fiercely, with his whole heart. She admired that about him, but she didn't want him to get hurt again. It had happened time and time again with Hyacinthus and Daphne, and Artemis hated when Apollo was in pain. A wave of fierce protectiveness washed over her. She was going to keep on eye on their relationship. She would not let her brother get his heart broken.
There was something off about the way Perseus was sitting there, though. He looked... different. Broken. Nothing like the boy who would not give up for his search for that girl. It was stark, the differences between the scarred boy in front of her and the boy who had willingly took the sky. He held himself like the world itself rested on his shoulders, with a weary sadness deep in his bones. She supposed Tartarus would do that to a man. Nothing like walking through hell to break everlasting spirit.
Perseus didn't seem to notice that fierce ray of sunlight targeted at his lean frame. Artemis let out a quiet sigh. That man really needed to develop some self-esteem. Despite how much he had changed since she last saw him, he was still completely oblivious to other people's attraction to him.
Artemis walked away, feeling apprehensive. She supposed Percy Jackson would be the best man for Apollo. At least he wouldn't willingly break his heart.
~
Percy sat on the shoreline, waves lapping at his feet. He felt better, strangely, after Apollo healing him. He had woken up groggily, sluggish after having a fitful sleep for the first time in weeks. He had thought he was still dreaming when he saw the greek god sitting at his bedside. He had made a joke about the god's bedside manner, and Apollo had blushed, just a little bit. Percy could see his cheeks tinge gold.
It was quite entertaining, he supposed. For some reason, his brain conjured up a memory. Standing behind the Sun chariot with Nico and Thalia."Apollo is hot," Thalia had said. Percy shook off the memory. Why was he thinking of that now? Apollo was attractive, as gods usually were, but he had an aura to him.. Percy shook his head firmly. No. Not going down that rabbit hole.
His ears twitched. Did he hear something? He had been sensitive to noise since Tartarus, always waiting for the next monster to appear. He looked around wildly. Nothing. Must've been his imagination, then. Percy decided maybe he should get some lunch. He hadn't had an appetite in more than a month. He only went because he knew Will Solace would get on his case if he didn't eat.
When he saw who was at the mess hall, he regretted it. he suddenly had the overwhelming urge to curl up and die.
~
"Kelp head! Where were you?" Percy was greeted by a bone-crushing hug from Thalia. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes. A fierce wave of guilt washed over him. He pulled away from her arms and resisted the urge to run from all the prying eyes in the pavilion.
Thalia looked happy to see him. Surprising, considering that her brother died because of Percy's stupid selfish desires. He felt her gaze on him, and he couldn't take it anymore.
"I'm sorry," he blurted out. Thalia looked confused.
"What for?" Thalia didn't know. She didn't know what he had done. She didn't know that Jason Grace had been on the quest Percy was supposed to die on. She wouldn't be standing there, grinning, if she knew.
"I--" Percy stuttered out. The words felt like they were stuck in his throat. It wasn't the rigidness of a hestitant apology, it was a brutal truth that hurt to say, because he knew that she would forgive him, and he hated it. He deserved to die in place of Jason. Why didn't he go? Why did he think he deserved a break for once in his life?
"It was my fault. It- It should've been me." Thalia looked taken aback. Percy could feel everyone's gaze on him. So he turned and ran, to the woods, to wherever his legs would take him.
He ran and ran and ran, until he couldn't see a soul.
What he wanted most was to climb up a tree and fall. He couldn't explain it to anyone, but it sounded soothing in a way he wanted desperately.
He had buried his feelings about Jason's death for as long as he could. He knew if he thought about it too much, it would destroy him. And honestly, Percy's psyche was probably halfway to shattering already. Another name to add to the list. Another person he couldn't save. Another hero in Elysium too early.
Percy wanted to cry, but he forced the tears down. He didn't deserve to feel bad about it. Jason was the one who was dead. How could Percy even begin to grieve when it was his fault?
So he just sat there, staring at nothing, keeping his guilt-ridden sobs back. Maybe a monster would come kill him. Everyone would be better off if he just- Wow. Even Percy was surprised by his own dark thougths. Percy tried to dispel the shadows lurking in his mind, but they haunted him still. Jason Grace. He was a great guy, a great hero. Percy had liked him, and he respected his sense of duty. Jason had reminded Percy of himself, of the pain they couldn't afford to show, of the grief they hid. Jason had saved him when they faced off against Kymopoleia. I’m sorry, Jason.
Percy reminded himself that Thalia was hurting, probably more than him, and he was the one that had run off like a coward. It was her brother. She had just gotten him back, and now he was gone again.
He cried, eventually, when his guilty conciense couldn't stop him anymore. The tears came out fast and silent, just like the Lieutenant of Artemis when she stepped into the woods.
~
Thalia found her cousin in the woods, with tears streaking down his cheeks. Wordlessly, she stepped out from the shadows and embraced Percy. He stiffened. Thalia only hugged tighter and gave him a piercing glare. He relaxed. She could see the beginnings of a small smile on his face.
"sorry," Thalia could only barely make out the soft noise, even with her enhanced hearing.
"It wasn't your fault," Thalia hoped that he hadn't been like this every day. He had seemed off since he and Annabeth broke up, but not like this. Not in tears, not broken, not huddled into a ball on the floor.
Percy tried to nod, but the daughter of Zeus could see the doubt and guilt flickering in his eyes. Thalia didn't press. She had felt the same way, too, when Jason had been taken by Lupa at 2. She had been young, but ever since that day, she had been replaying it in her head, wondering if she could've saved her innocent baby brother.
She tightened her hold around his middle. Percy had obviously lost weight. Come to think of it, he hadn't eaten lunch before running off.
Thalia didn't push. Her not-so-little cousin needed time, she knew, to heal. They held each other in the forest. At some point, they had both started crying. Their grief came out in streams. Around each other, they didn't need to be strong, to be the hero, to be the rock, never wavering. She didn't need to be the caretaker, the Mama Bear for the children who never had real parents.
The trees seemed to comfort her, swaying to the rhythm of her heartbeat. She felt something like hope flicker in her chest.
They were going to be okay. They had to be.
Notes:
hope y’all enjoyed that. I know it’s not Monday, but whatever. I don’t have the patience to wait, and my chapters are only 1-2k words anyway.
I think Thalia’s trauma from losing Jason, then losing Luke, then losing Jason again, is criminally underrated. She has a whole lot to cry about.
Also, she’s always been the mother figure for a lot of the half-bloods, and for good reason; she’s older than all of them. But she still needs space and time to grieve: she’s only ~23 or so (I estimated) here.
anyway, yeah. It seems I’m becoming one of those people who write hour long A/Ns. Peace out everyone and see you next week!
Note: Apollo will start interacting with Percy more soon: I like to keep my chapters short and as I mentioned, I’m not patient enough to write an actually long chapter, lol.