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“You imagine unchecked avarice, so that’s what you find. You envision what, an evil, unbound Prometheus? So that’s what I am to you?”
“Prometheus got gored. So will you, you rapacious rat bastard!”
*CLICK*
With a sigh Powder presses the pause button and stops the movie.
The movie she was supposed to watch with Vi.
The movie Vi promised she’d watch with her as soon as she got home.
…
Well.
The sun is now completely gone, the streetlights outside her window are flickering as they always do, and the clock on her nightstand shines a glowing red eleven o’five.
It’s way past her bedtime, even if it’s the weekend her parents don’t like her staying up to midnight despite her protests. Gotta treat every night like it’s a school night, as they like to tell her.
She hates it, but at the same time she understands it. Her parents are barely making ends meet as it is, they scarcely had enough to help send Vi to college. In fact it’s only thanks to Vi’s boxing scholarship that she was able to get in at all.
Vi got to go to her school in part because of her merits.
Powder isn’t that lucky. She’s plenty smart at the things she’s interested in, but outside of that the rest of school just goes in one ear and out the other. Education is important, she knows this, she’s smart enough to understand that much. She knows she needs to give it her all, but she can’t help it, her brain buy and large just doesn’t give a shit about school.
If it’s not tinkering with her little homemade gadgets all she can think about is…
Well…
Vi.
At least… that’s what it used to be.
Lately, like tonight, she’d rather not think of her older sister. She knows she’s not exactly being fair, Vi has her own life to live, she’s an adult after all.
… But she promised.
She always promises and lately she always breaks them.
It would be one thing if she was just swamped with her studies. Powder still wouldn’t exactly like that but at the very least she could understand why Vi would break her constant promises to spend time with her younger sister.
But it’s not that.
And that’s what makes it hurt so much more.
Vi’s doing fine in school, more than fine actually.
She’s doing fine enough to partake in a part-time job.
She’s doing fine enough to constantly go to college parties with her friends even on weekdays when she should be studying.
She’s doing fine enough to go on what feels like a brand new date with a pretty girl every other week.
Powder doesn’t know when it started and at this point it doesn’t even matter. Of course she knows full well that the entire situation shouldn’t affect her in this way, Vi’s not doing anything actually wrong, she’s just doing what girls as pretty as her tend to do.
But the thing is… it does affect Powder.
It affects her very deeply.
She’s been around kids her age, and a good chunk of them have older siblings. She knows how things are supposed to be between siblings, but it’s different with her.
To Powder, Vi isn’t just her older sister.
Vi is her entire world.
No. Those words don’t even begin to scratch the surface of her feelings towards her sister.
To Powder, Vi is her world, and her moon, and her sun, her solar system, her galaxy, her universe, her… everything.
So when her everything is once again late to watch a movie, she can’t help but feel just the tiniest bit cheated. But what else did she expect? Why would Vi wanna spend her valuable time hanging out with someone as weak and pathetic as herself? She’s got way more important things to worry about.
She’s probably on yet another date with the latest girl she’s been seeing. Casey… or was it Katey? Kristy? Caitlyn? It doesn’t matter, whatever her name is, she doesn’t like her. Vi has a tendency to go through girlfriends at a rapid pace, but for some reason this new girl has stuck around.
Powder doesn’t get it.
Her?
Of all the girls in college for Vi to date, she chose her?
She’s wrong for Vi, it’s as clear as day, what with her high-class upbringing on the rich side of town and her unbearably preppy attitude. God, even the way she speaks grates on Powder’s nerves like nothing else.
Why Vi would go for someone like that is beyond Powder’s comprehension. It’s almost as baffling as what feels like literally everyone in her life throwing their full support behind the couple.
And that’s not even taking into account the conversation she heard Mom and Dad had.
It was muffled through her door, and at the time she was trying to focus on her homework.
But she did hear one word loud and clear.
“Marriage.”
She doesn’t remember the details of how she reacted, all she knows is that she felt white-hot anger and at the end of it she had a broken pencil and a ripped up assignment.
For obvious reasons, she failed that assignment.
*CLICK*
The memory makes her so angry she doesn’t even bother finishing the rest of the film and just turns the entire thing off.
What’s the point?
It’s supposed to be her time with Vi, and this little priss continues to steal all of it!
…
She sighs again and pushes herself off of the bed to head out of her room, down the hall and into the bathroom. Even if it's way past her normal bedtime she's still got her nightly routine to keep.
It’s fine, the repetition gives her some time to come down from her anger. Vi’s not doing anything wrong, she keeps reminding herself, she’s just out living her life and clearly she likes this girl enough to keep seeing her.
That’s not something for Powder to be actually angry about.
What Vi does with her life isn’t any of her business.
She examines herself within the stained bathroom mirror’s reflection. Light blue hair, a loose braid on her side, big blue eyes, and a little gap in her front teeth obscured by a bright pink princess toothbrush coated in cotton candy flavored toothpaste.
In every sense of the word, she’s just a kid.
Her anger is nothing more than a temper tantrum.
She knows that.
Just like she knows that it’s high time for her to start growing up.
Vi did, and this is the result.
Powder understands, to grow up means to let go of childish wants.
She just has to “get with the program” as Dad would say.
With a last spit and the turning of a faucet, Powder walks back to her room and starts turning off the lights, ready to crawl under th-
*BEEP*
“HEY! SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!” someone yells from outside.
… She shouldn’t look but can’t help it, she’s naturally curious.
With a sigh she walks up to her window and looks down onto the street where a car very slowly, almost guiltily, parks right in front of her apartment. The door opens, and out of the vehicle comes a stumbling, clearly drunken mess.
Drunk driving?
Great.
Good call, Vi.
Kristy couldn’t even be bothered to give her a ride? How generous, Powder thinks with a frown.
Vi for her part just stumbles her way onto the sidewalk and to the steps. Normally this would be bad news on Powder’s end, the last thing her parents would want is for their oldest daughter to come home after a night of drinking and driving recklessly.
Selfishly, Powder is thankful that they’ve chosen tonight to take a trip out of town. It’s just too bad Vi couldn’t make good on her word to them to watch over Powder.
Regardless, it means there will be no argument tonight, so Vi can just stumble into her room, hopefully without breaking anything fragile, and Powder can just go to bed and pretend that her entire day wasn’t wasted.
Soon enough she hears the footsteps down below grow louder and louder until she hears the front door open. A soft groan and a muffled curse is all Vi says before her footsteps grow closer still. Now it’ll be straight into her room and into bed where she’ll-
*KNOCK*
*KNOCK*
*KNOCK*
… where she’ll knock on her door?
“Pow? You awake?” Vi asks from behind the door.
She stays silent, staring at the door from her bed.
“… I know you’re still awake, you don’t fall asleep that easily.” Vi says with a drunken slur and a chuckle.
Powder doesn’t return the laughter, instead choosing to stay silent.
“Ugh… look. I’m sorry, okay? I know I promised to come home and watch that movie and I was planning to, but… some things came up and time slipped away and…”
Powder doesn’t know how much more of this she wants to hear.
It’s nothing but excuses anyway.
Would it hurt less if Vi just came to her and told her point blank that she didn’t want to spend any more time with her?
She doesn’t know.
All she knows is that she hates lies and liars more than anything.
“Pow… Pow, can I just come in? Please?”
There’s an earnest desperation in her voice. It doesn’t change Powder’s mind but it does at least give her the drive to move off of her bed and stand right in front of the door.
“Vi, it’s late and you’re drunk. Just go lay down.”
“I can’t. I promised you that we’d hang out.”
Powder can’t stop the scoff from leaving her lips.
“It’s literally too late for that.”
Now it’s Vi who’s silent behind the door.
“… I miss you… I miss you so fucking much, Powder. Please… please just let me…”
She can’t even finish her sentence before her desperate pleas devolve into quiet sobs.
That stops Powder right in her tracks. Vi’s done nothing but make excuse after excuse as of late. There’s always been a sorry followed by another failed promise to make up for it.
If Vi wanted to make her feelings toward her crystal clear then she succeeded with flying colors.
She wants nothing to do with Powder, not anymore.
But if that was true then why does Vi sound so… genuinely sad?
Powder sighs again.
So much for growing up.
She can’t help it.
It doesn’t matter if it’s her regressing, she misses Vi more than she can bear.
She opens the door and welcomes Vi’s hug with open arms. The hug is clumsy, in fact calling it a hug is generous, it’s more like a lunge from a mass that just slams into her, it kind of hurts and her nostrils are instantly overwhelmed with the scent of booze.
And despite all of that, it feels perfect.
“I’m so sorry, Powder. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” she hears Vi whimper from above her. Powder wants nothing more than to tell her older sister that everything's okay but she doesn’t dare lie to her. She hates liars, so she can’t lie to her and become a hypocrite.
Still, her entire body being surrounded by Vi is doing a lot to quell her previous irritations.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Vi repeats over and over again.
Silently, Powder pulls back and gently pulls on Vi’s hand leading her to her bed. It’s big enough for the both of them, which makes sense seeing as it used to be Vi’s mattress. Powder always found it to be a little too big for her on her own but with Vi here it feels right again.
With an exhausted sigh, Vi sits down and sinks into the old mattress as Powder takes a seat right beside her, her eyes never leaving her older sibling’s. She watches as Vi tries and fails to keep calm, watches as her expression breaks down even further, watches as Vi begins to cry in earnest.
She reaches out to grasp Vi’s hand who immediately takes hold of it and squeezes. Not too hard to actually hurt, but firm enough for Powder to know her older sister is really upset tonight.
“Did something happen?” Powder asks.
Vi doesn’t answer right away, she just keeps trying and failing to pull herself together to answer but said answer just won’t leave her throat amidst the sobs. Powder for her part just waits and keeps her grip firm. It’s not often that Vi comes to her about anything serious, instead choosing to go to their parents which is hardly surprising.
But she’s here now, and if Powder’s comfort is what she needs then who is she to deny her that?
She just can’t stay mad at Vi, not for very long anyways.
“It’s… it’s just me stuff, Pow. You don’t have to worry about it.”
“But you’re upset.” Powder retorts.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s grown-up stuff.” Vi attempts to argue.
“I’m not a baby, Vi.”
Vi sighs before turning to look at Powder, her eyes still red with tears.
“No, you’re not. But you’re still a kid, and what’s going on with me isn’t for you to worry about.”
Powder scrunches her nose up at that and tightens her own grip.
“Tough shit.” Powder says, her voice slightly rising.
“Hey, watch your mouth.” Vi snaps back, letting her “big sister mode” come out for a brief second.
“No! That’s bullshit, Vi! You can’t just tell me not to worry because I don’t get it, I love you and I want you to be okay!”
Her stern expression softens just a little bit, her open hand coming up to ruffle Powder’s already messy hair.
“And I love you too, Pow. But this is my own problem to deal with. I didn’t come here to vent, I just wanted to say sorry to my perfect baby sister.”
Being called perfect makes Powder blush, and she knows it must look silly on top of her attempt at a stern expression.
But she can’t help it.
“But you can come to me to vent. You can come to me about anything, I’m not as dumb as you think I am.”
“C’mon, you know I don’t mean it like that, Pow. That’s not the issue.” Vi scoffs.
“Okay, you don’t think I’m dumb, so what’s wrong with talking to me about stuff?”
A sigh from her older sister is the only answer she gets at first as she takes her hand away to run her own scalp in exasperation.
“It’s just not something you gotta worry about. You’re not a baby but you’re still just a kid.”
“So are you.” Powder bites back.
“… Pow, we both know I’m very much an adult.” Vi begins to argue.
“Did you drive yourself home?”
“… I did.”
“While drunk?”
“… Yes.” Vi winces.
“Sounds like a dumb decision a kid would make, huh?” Powder says, crossing her arms over her chest.
The two stay silent for what feels like a solid minute.
“Pfff…”
Vi breaks the silence by letting out a soft chuckle.
“Yeah… I guess that was pretty dumb of me, huh.”
It’s a laugh but there’s something so… defeated about it. She’s never known Vi to be boastful, but her tone here has no love or respect for herself.
It doesn’t sound demeaning in a jokey way, it sounds like she’s embarrassed of who she is.
For someone as perfect as her to even remotely imply that, it makes Powder’s heart sink like a stone.
So what else can she do but turn and wrap her hands around her big sister and squeeze as hard as she can once again.
“C’mon… you can talk to me, Vi. I’m always gonna be here for you no matter what, I promise.” Powder pleads.
She can feel her older sister freeze against her.
“You promise?” Vi asks, her voice barely audible, even a whisper would sound louder.
Powder pulls back and shows off her pinkie finger.
“I pinkie promise.” she vows.
With a sniffle and a smile, Vi takes out her own pinkie finger and wraps it gently around Powder’s. Vi’s digit is so much larger than her own, but if anything it makes her feel more safe and secure.
Like Vi will always be there to protect and care for her.
Just like Powder just promised her.
“… Okay.” Vi finally relents, untangling their fingers and falling back down onto the bed. Powder does the same, laying on her back with her head turned to the side to stare at Vi’s rather conflicted expression.
Powder hasn’t seen Vi this close in months, and she looks just as beautiful as ever, if not more so tonight, with what looks like newly dyed black streaks amidst her natural red.
“Just… do me a favor. Don’t tell Mom or Dad that I’m telling you any of this, okay? Let’s just keep it between us.”
“Our own little secret?” Powder offers.
The phrase manages to make Vi smile, even just a little bit.
“Exactly.”
Once again, Powder offers up her pinkie finger, only this time she holds it right in front of Vi’s face.
“Pinkie promise.”
To that, Vi leans forward and presses her lips against Powder’s pinkie, her own acknowledgement of the promise.
She’s glad Vi’s keeping her gaze up at the ceiling, she doesn’t know how she’d be able to handle Vi staring at the intense fire flushing her cheeks.
So while she tries to calm her blush, she watches as Vi just closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. From the edge of her vision she sees Vi reach her open hand closer towards Powder. She reaches out with her own hand and relishes the feeling of Vi’s fingers holding her hand in place.
It makes her feel treasured.
It also does very little to dampen her blush.
Regardless, Vi pays it no mind, instead she keeps her eyes closed and just… breathes.
She breathes in.
She holds it in.
Then she breathes it out.
In…
Out…
Finally she begins to speak.
“I went out on a date tonight.”
Powder nods, but doesn’t say a word, instead giving Vi’s hand a small squeeze in acknowledgement.
It isn’t Powder’s place to speak just yet, now is the time for Vi to open up herself.
“I didn’t plan anything, it was… it was just a spur of the moment thing. I just thought… I mean I’ve lost count of how many dates we’ve gone on at this point, and I just…” Vi trails off.
She must be talking about Cate.
Powder tries to keep her thoughts in check, now isn’t the time for jealousy… at least outwardly.
“I mean I just… I’ve never been able to keep a girlfriend for this long. Most of the time they only stick around for… like… a month? If I’m lucky? I really tried to be different with Caitlyn, I mean I should count myself as lucky that someone like her is even giving me the time of day.”
Powder squeezes her hand hard at those words. She won’t say it, but she needs to let Vi know just how wrong her words are. A little prick from her nails should get the message across nicely.
Vi winces and nods.
“Sorry…”
Powder softens her expression and rubs her thumb across the newly created indents on Vi’s hand. Her older sister’s smile grows just the tiniest bit bigger, and under any other circumstance it would make the young girl melt.
“I tried… I tried so hard to be what she wanted me to be. It’s not even that I’m like head over heels in love with this girl, it's just… I’m just so tired, Pow-Pow. I’m tired of being lonely, I’m tired of just being that one girl who goes through girlfriends like they’re trading cards. I just want something real… and everywhere I look I just…”
She sees more tears begin to leak out from Vi’s eyes and fall down across the side of her head into her hair. She keeps silent, but she does turn to lay on her side and scoots forward to reach out and wipe the tears away.
“Thanks, Pow…” Vi whimpers. “I don’t know if any of this is making any kind of sense to you but… I’ve just never felt like any of my relationships have been… real. They’re all nice girls for the most part, and they seem cool with giving someone like me a shot. But… something about each and every one of them just feels… off. Like it’s not right, or something’s missing but I don’t know what it is. God it’s so fucking frustrating.”
Powder squeezes once again, watching the tears threaten to continue leaking.
“I really wanted Caitlyn to be different, I really wanted things to work out with her, I wanted to bring her home one night to Mom and Dad saying that I got down on my knees and I proposed to this girl and we were gonna get married and they’d finally stop being so disappointed in me…”
That makes Powder break her own self-appointed rule.
“Mama and Daddy love you, Vi. There’s no way they’d be disappointed, I mean look at you, you’re doing great, you got into college! First one in our family!”
“They don’t have to tell me outright for me to know, Powder. I mean just look at me,” she says, gesturing to her body and attire. “I’m just a dumb meathead. I’m constantly getting into fights, I’ve got all these tattoos and I’ve lost count of how many sit-downs they’ve given me about drinking.”
“I still think your tattoos are awesome.” Powder says.
Vi lets out a small smile at that.
“Thanks Pow, but you’re different. With Mom and Dad… I’m not what they wanted out of their little girl, I know that.”
“What they want doesn’t matter. You’re not theirs, you’re your own person. You’re the only you that ever was.”
A quote pulled directly from the movie her and Vi were supposed to watch.
The lack of context makes the puzzled expression on Vi’s face all the better.
She half-expects her older sister to follow the film’s script and call it corny. Instead she just gives her a soft smile and brushes some hair out of Powder’s vision before letting her hand rest against her little sister’s cheek.
“You’re adorable.”
…
Well Powder can’t have Vi staring right at her while she blushes, so she’s got to steer the conversation back on track.
“Just because you had a bad date doesn’t mean that future still can’t happen. If you really love her, then you gotta try no matter how hard it gets.” Powder says, hating the words leaving her lips but enduring it for Vi’s sake.
Only for her response to stop her right in her tracks.
“I don’t love her.” Vi says, rather bluntly.
“… Y-You don’t?”
“I don’t. I don’t love her, and if I’m being honest with myself, I… don’t think I’ve really loved anyone that I’ve dated. That’s what I’m saying, Pow. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t make anything work. Maybe I’m just broken inside, my head’s all fucked up and I just can’t love anyone the way I want to.”
Every word feels like a sharp stab into Powder’s chest, so much so that it threatens to bring herself to her own tears.
“Vi…”
Her pained voice makes Vi seem to second-guess herself.
“Jesus… I shouldn’t be talking about this with you, I’m sor-“
No.
No no.
They’re not going to go through that song and dance again.
“Vi, there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t you dare say that there is. What does Dad always say? ‘There’s a million fish in the sea’, so maybe you just haven’t found your special someone. And even if you don’t, or you can’t feel that way for someone else, that doesn’t make you broken. You’re the most amazing person I know, and I won’t hear you talk badly about her, do you hear me?”
More tears leak from Vi’s eyes as she resumes staring at the ceiling.
“It’s hard for me to explain, Powder.”
“You can still try though.”
“No… you don’t understand…” Vi says, but it doesn’t feel like it’s directed at Powder, more so it feels directed at herself.
“Then help me understand.” Powder pleads.
“It’s not that simple… I’m broken, Powder.”
“No you’re not.”
“I am.”
“No you’re not!” Powder repeats more forcefully.
Now the tears come out in full force as Vi covers her mouth to hide her sobs, her mind undoubtedly overwhelmed with stress and booze. The sight is so terrible and heartwrenching that Powder can’t stop herself from leaning over to lay her head right on top of her older sister’s chest. It’s a messy open hug but Vi accepts it nonetheless and Powder loves her for it.
“You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever known, Vi. You’re not broken, you’re perfect.” Powder says, her voice muffled by Vi’s skin.
The rise and fall of Vi’s chest is sporadic with her sobs, but even so she feels Vi’s hands wrap around her and softly caresses every inch like she’s made of silk.
“You don’t understand…” Vi begins.
“I don’t need to understand, I already know.” Powder argues back before turning her head to kiss Vi’s neck.
It’s just a small peck, a tiny display of affection, but she doesn’t miss the swift inhale Vi makes at the contact. She worries that she may have gone too far with that, but the hand caressing her back never leaves neither does Vi reprimand her, so she’s probably in the clear.
“I don’t deserve you, Pow-Pow.”
“Doesn’t matter. You have me, now and always.”
The sobs in Vi’s chest die down to make way for a soft rumble of a laugh.
“You’ve been watching too many movies.” Vi chuckles.
“Nuh-uh. You just gotta watch more with me.”
“I will… I need to make up for lost time.” Vi says, sadness creeping back into her voice. “I meant what I said earlier. I’ve missed you so much, Powder.”
Vi opening up to her like she has tonight almost made Powder forget about her crushing disappointment just hours beforehand. She knows she still has a right to be a little disappointed, but right now she’s enjoying being there for Vi too much to care.
“I’ve missed you too, Vi.” Powder says with another kiss to Vi’s chest.
“Let’s try again tomorrow. I don’t have work so there’s nothing else to do afterwards.”
“… Don’t you need to talk to Cate or something?”
“No… Caitlyn and I are done. I think dating and I are done for the foreseeable future.”
Powder can’t help but feel a little guilty about that, which is crazy given what she was feeling earlier. But she knows that Vi’s happiness is all that ultimately matters, her own feelings be damned.
“It’s okay if you keep trying, I’ll try not to get in the way.” Powder offers, only to be rebutted with a shake of her older sister’s head.
“Nope. Besides, why do I need to date when I’ve got my little sister right here? You’re better company than any of them can ever be.” Vi says reaching up to give Powder’s forehead a kiss.
*BU-BUMP*
*BU-BUMP*
*BU-BUMP*
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Just like Vi did.
She has to otherwise she might just collapse and die from happiness.
“God, what time is it?” she hears Vi mumble to herself.
Good, a distraction.
She turns her head to look at her clock where a bright red one twenty-seven lights the dim room.
“It’s… late.” Powder answers.
Jeez, had they really been talking for that long? Time must’ve just flown by for the both of them.
“Fuck, it’s way past your bedtime.”
“You’re more important.” Powder retorts.
“You’re too sweet.” Vi says, gently slapping her back to get her sister off of her body.
Powder softly scoots away from Vi as she lifts herself up from the bed and-
“Agh… ow…”
Brings her hand to her head and winces.
Right.
She’s still drunk.
“Do you need me to get you anything?” Powder asks.
“Just some water… that sounds like heaven right now…” Vi groans.
Powder is quick on her feet, practically flying off of her bed and running into the hallway. A few steps into it and she’s already in the kitchen with a dark red plastic cup being filled with tap water. It’s not ideal but it’s a better quality than the other places they’ve lived in.
Besides, a couple of ice cubes might offset the taste.
And her special metal straw… well that’s just Powder’s personal touch.
The cup filled up, Powder returns to her room as Vi tries and fails to stand up yet again. It’s kind of cute… okay it’s very cute, but she can’t drink while laying horizontal.
“Just sit up a bit, c’mon.” Powder instructs.
Vi obeys, slowly pushing back on her arms to get at just the right angle for Powder to bring the straw to her lips. She doesn’t even make any complaints about being able to drink it herself, she just gladly accepts the cold water as Powder gently tilts the cup to give her sister the optimal angle.
*GULP*
*GULP*
*GULP*
And in one fell swoop, the glass is empty minus the ice cubes and Vi lets out a satisfied exhale.
“Thanks, Pow.”
“Don’t mention it, sis.”
That earns another chuckle from Vi
“Sis? Since when did you start calling me sis?”
“Um… just now? Do you not like it?”
“It’s fine, I just like you calling me Vi. You know why.”
Yet another blush fills Powder’s cheeks.
“Yeah, yeah I know. I couldn’t say your name so all I could get out was Vi and you thought that was just so cute that you only wanna be called Vi.” Powder says with a hint of playful irritation.
“Exactly. It’s the only name I need. Why else would I get it tattooed on my cheek?” Vi says, pointing to the VI inked onto her face.
“Mama was so mad at you for that.”
“Yeah, but the look on her face was priceless. So was Dad’s laugh… and your blush. Hey you’re blushing right now.” Vi coos, reaching her finger out to poke Powder’s bright red cheek.
“Oh shut up!” Powder laughs in embarrassment.
“You liiiiiiiike it.”
“You keep poking me, I’ll bite that finger.”
“Ah! You’d willingly hurt your precious big sister? Oh for shame, Pow-Pow.”
Her exaggerated voice is so very irritating and so very cute and Powder tries desperately to focus on the former.
“Shouldn’t you be heading to bed?”
“Yep. Yep… just let me… ugh.”
Vi tries to sit up.
…
She tries again.
…
She tries a third time.
…
And then she collapses in a heap back onto the bed.
“I can’t move…” Vi groans.
Powder sighs before she moves onto her bed, presses her hands to Vi's muscled back and pushes.
“Pow… what’re you doing?”
“Well you’re not gonna sleep in that position, the least you can do is get your head on my pillows.”
“What do you mean…?”
“You’re sleeping here tonight.” Powder declares.
“No.. Pow, it’s your bed.”
“Well tonight it’s your bed. Besides, it used to be your bed so it’s fine.”
She continues to push until Vi is sprawled out in a… somewhat correct position on Powder’s bed. It’s an interesting contrast, Powder’s bright blue sheets and stuffed animals right next to Vi’s dark leather outfit and ripped jeans.
Once again, Powder finds it cute.
Vi, clearly more comfortable and more ready to sleep with her head against Powder’s pillows, barely manages to turn her head to look at her baby sister.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this…?” Vi asks groggily.
“Vi, stop arguing and go to bed please.”
“… What about you?”
“There’s some blankets on the couch, I’ll just-“
“Nope.” Vi interrupts, reaching out to grab at Powder’s shirt and gently pulling her towards her.
“V-Vi?!”
“The bed's big enough for both of us. Besides… I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”
*BU-BUMP*
*BU-BUMP*
*BU-BUMP*
She was more than okay just letting Vi take her bed tonight, but this? Sharing a bed with her? Something about it feels like crossing a line.
It shouldn’t.
There's nothing inherently bad about it.
There’s nothing wrong with two siblings sharing a bed.
But… with the difference in their age, they’ve never actually done it before.
And yet even with this apparent line-crossing, the pleading look Vi gives her breaks down any and all objections she might’ve made.
“… Okay. Scooch.”
Her pleading face gives way to a tired smile as Vi gently moves back, taking the blankets underneath her and… rather awkwardly shimmying them underneath her until she’s able to pull them over her body. For someone apparently so drunk as to be unable to make it to their room across the hall, she’s seemingly able to pull off this maneuver just fine.
Nevertheless, once she’s done it, she’s quick to take said blanket and pull it back, opening up a space just for Powder.
With everything in place, Powder makes her way to her nightstand and turns off the light, making the soft red glow of the clock and the dim light underneath her door the only things visible in the room.
Only then does she crawl into her occupied bed and makes her way underneath the covers, now exceedingly warmer than she’s used to. As soon as she does so, big strong hands pull forward to rub her back and tangle themselves in her hair.
“Thanks, Pow-Pow…” Vi whispers.
Reaching up, she grabs Vi’s hand from her head and brings her palm to her lips for a soft kiss.
“Goodnight, Vi.”
Vi stays silent for a few seconds, her expression hidden from her younger sister in the dim light. Once again the fear that she may have overstepped enters Powder’s mind, but the next words to leave Vi’s lips put those fears to rest.
“I love you.”
It’s barely audible.
She’s fading fast.
“I love you too.” Powder manages to get out as the palm rubbing against her back slows down until it stays in place against her, not moving an inch.
Soon the only thing that can be heard is the soft breathing of her emotionally venerable and drunk big sister.
Powder doesn’t know if there’s ever been a more calming sound to ever grace her ears.
It’s late.
She should be tired.
But here? With Vi sleeping in her bed and her arm gently wrapped around her, there’s no way she could get tired.
For a night that began with heartbreak, the outcome seems like something straight out of a fairy tale in Powder’s mind. Minus the drunken part, but that’s just the added ripple that Vi always brings to her life and she wouldn’t change it for the world.
Only now with everything finally calm, minus her very loud beating heart, does Powder finally let everything that Vi’s told her sink in.
As it does, her heart breaks further and further.
Vi.
Her sister.
Her perfect older sister.
To think of herself as being broken, to think of herself as wrong, it’s more than Powder can bear. She knows Vi isn’t actually perfect, she’s old enough now to know that no person can be. But if there’s ever been anything close to perfection, it would be Vi.
It’s always been Vi.
So to hear these words coming out of her mouth feels wrong. How could Vi feel this way? How could someone like her feel like she’s broken in any way? Someone as amazing as her shouldn’t be able to think of themselves like that.
But here they are.
Here she is in her bed, feeling broken.
Still, as the words sink in, Powder manages to put two and two together. Her constant changes in girlfriends, how desperately she’s thrown herself at them and how quickly it’s all gone awry…
It makes sense now.
This whole time, Vi’s been seeking something that no one could’ve given her, Powder doesn’t understand how that’s the case, but she chalks that up to her just being young. She's never had a boyfriend, never had a girlfriend, romance is practically nonexistent to her.
But she at least knows what romance is supposed to entail. The way the heart is supposed to flutter and ache whenever it’s not with the person it loves…
Well…
Powder does know that feeling.
But it’s a fool’s errand.
Something that would never happen no matter how much she desperately wishes it would.
She loves her sister.
She loves her far more than any sibling should.
She loves her enough to wish for her happiness even if it means losing her.
Vi is too amazing to be stuck wanting. She’s loyal, fiercely protective, and her heart is big enough to fill her partner’s ten times over.
By all accounts, she should be the perfect girlfriend.
And instead she’s here in her little sister’s bed.
She deserves better than this.
…
But before Powder can escape into her own mind to punish herself for her inadequacies, Vi’s own words come into her head.
Vi isn’t here for no reason.
She missed Powder.
She wanted to be here tonight.
…
Powder looks up at Vi, her face barely perceivable in the dim light. But she doesn’t need light to see Vi, she’s memorized her features down to the most minute details.
She reaches up to gently caress at Vi’s face, her breathing remaining steady and calm with no hint at any sudden awakenings. That’s good, the last thing she wants to do is wake her sister up from a much needed sleep.
She rubs her fingers across Vi’s face. Runs her fingers across her nose, her thumb tracing her lips feeling the cold metal of her piercing and the scar she got in middle-school.
Even in her deep sleep, Vi feels strong in Powder’s touch. Like at the drop of a hat she could rise up and stand to her feet ready for a fight. It’s in her blood, it always has been.
And she’s loved her for it.
She’s loved her for being her protector.
She’s loved her for her fierceness.
She’s loved her for her strength.
She’s loved her for her kindness.
She’s loved her for her smile.
She’d loved her for her tears.
She’s…
She’s loved her.
She loves her.
*SNIFF*
Her hands leave Vi to press against her nose where the dry tip meets a wet surface. Whatever sight she might be looking at goes blurry as well.
In either exasperation or irritation she wipes away the light tears and mucus from her face.
She gets this way sometimes when all of her thoughts become filled with Vi. But with her right in front of her face, with her breath hitting her and her smell all around her…
It makes everything so much worse.
Or better.
She can’t tell.
Gently, she reaches out again, this time focusing on Vi’s lips. They’re partially opened, and she’d never let Powder do anything like this while awake… so… nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
She’s sure she’s heard that in a movie or something once.
She presses her finger to the opening and slowly pushes in. Her mouth is warm, and her teeth feel sharp and ready to bite down.
It makes her heart beat faster.
She doesn’t pull away though.
Instead she presses down.
Muscle.
Wet.
Fleshy.
Soft and rough at the same time.
Her tongue.
Powder keeps her hand inside Vi’s mouth and just lets herself feel the sensation. This is where she’ll never touch her again. She’ll never feel her lips on hers the way she wants her to, she’ll never feel her tongue wrapped against hers like she dreams of. So this is all she can do to ingrain the sensation into her memory.
It makes her sad, but she’s used to it by this point.
The gap between them is too far.
Not to mention the tiny little detail of their blood relation.
It’s a pipe dream.
But it’s a dream she goes back to over and over again.
She can’t help it.
She loves her.
With her finger coated in Vi’s saliva, she gently pulls it out of her sleeping sister’s mouth and brings it back in front of her. It’s just a wet finger, nothing to write home about under any other circumstance. Hell, she can’t even see it in the dim lighting.
But she can feel it.
It’s like liquid fire on her fingertips.
Careful not to disturb Vi or accidentally wipe the saliva off, she turns her body towards the door where the light behind the door gives her just the right amount of illumination to look at her prize.
The saliva is thick, threatening to run down her small index finger. In awe, she presses her thumb against it, gently rubbing her two fingers together and slowly spreading them apart, watching the spit stay connected in a thin strand.
The sight is too much for Powder to handle.
What else is she supposed to do?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
She shoves her thumb into her mouth and rubs her tongue all over it.
Vi.
It’s Vi.
It’s her.
It’s her taste.
It should be disgusting.
Powder knows it’s dirty.
But she doesn’t care, she savors it like it’s her favorite food.
And here, in such close proximity to the person making her heart go aflutter, it makes everything so much more… overwhelming.
Her entire body feels like it’s on fire, part of it an immense feeling of guilt at how wrong she’s being.
But it’s overshadowed by an all-encompassing yearning.
Her taste is on her tongue, her essence is on her other finger, her breath is constantly blowing all over her face enveloping every sense with Vi.
Vi.
Vi.
Vi.
…
She can’t stop herself.
How could she?
Vi’s asleep.
She’s drunk.
She won’t wake up.
It’s fine.
She won’t be caught.
There’s nothing to worry about.
It’s a lie, she knows it’s a lie, but her desire overrides her common sense as she takes her hand, the one still wet with Vi’s saliva, and gently pushes it under her pajama bottoms.
Under the soft fabric.
Under her panties.
There.
A stolen kiss placed right onto Powder’s most precious place.
The cool liquid against her warmth almost makes her gasp, but her other hand practically slams onto her mouth to keep herself quiet. But she doesn’t stop, she doesn’t have the willpower nor the means to stop.
She just gently rubs, sliding her wet fingers against her folds until the warmth overrides the cold.
If anything, Vi’s saliva coating her groin makes the heat so much more visceral, and her nervous rubs very quickly evolve into quiet moans.
Masturbating isn’t something Powder does often. She’s not experienced with the practice, and nobody in the house has any reason to suspect otherwise. To them Powder is the innocent good girl they’ve always seen her as.
And for the most part she is that. She’s not naive, after all her only real friend at school is a boy and Ekko has his own friends that he plays with while she tags along just for the hell of it.
She’s seen the magazines they keep hidden, she’s watched the same videos they do, she’s seen sex, she’s seen porn, she’s seen penises and vaginas when she knows it’s not the right time for her to do so.
But she’s never found herself… aroused. She knows what it is to be aroused, she’s seen the boys and Ekko in those states watching the videos and looking at the pictures, but none of it has ever made her feel any different.
It’s all just… stuff. More stuff to label as strictly adult.
The girls look pretty, the boys look… like boys.
No more, no less.
And that’s all there was to it.
Then Vi had to come home that very night and she had to be so… overwhelmingly perfect in every way… and suddenly Powder started to get thoughts.
Thought little sisters shouldn’t ever think about their older siblings.
Like what would Vi look like kissing a girl?
What would Vi look like naked?
She watched videos of girls touching themselves, Vi’s an adult, so surely she does the same?
What does she look like?
What does she sound like?
What does she taste like?
A night filled with those persistent thoughts could only have led to her trying out what she saw earlier, rubbing herself for the first time.
It didn’t feel… bad? It didn’t feel good either.
More than nothing it just felt kind of weird.
But then she had to think about Vi, and… the weird feeling became so much better.
Then the next time was even better.
As was the next.
She doesn’t spend a lot of her free time masturbating, but whenever she does she’s only ever thought of Vi, and every time she’s done it she’s felt more and more good.
And tonight is the best she’s felt thus far.
Her hand clasped over her mouth, she rocks her body back and forth against her finger, the saliva long since taken over by her own wetness. She wants to moan but she doesn’t dare. She can’t risk it, a strange oxymoron of a situation given what she's doing right in front of her sister.
But it’s not the time for things to make sense, all she wants to do is feel good.
All she wants to do is stare at Vi.
All she wants to do is breathe her air.
All she wants to do is feel her warmth.
All she wants is…
She wants…
She…
She wants…
She wants Vi to touch her…
She wants Vi to hold her tighter.
She wants Vi to look at her like she looks at her girlfriends.
Damn their relation, damn the difference in their age.
Powder wants Vi.
She wants to feel her lips.
She wants to taste her taste firsthand, not stealing like she’s done tonight.
She’s never been kissed before, she wants Vi to teach her, she needs Vi to make her kiss exactly like Vi likes it so she can be perfect for Vi.
Her fingers are so small and Vi’s are so big. Would they be too big on her?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
She wants it anyway.
She wants all of her.
Because she adores Vi.
Because Vi is her everything.
Because she loves her.
“HNNNGGG!!!” Powder screeches into her hand as her entire body convulses under her touch.
Her vision goes blurry, Vi’s face in the dim light growing more ethereal by the second. It’s like she’s seeing stars, her mind going fuzzy as she rides out her orgasm.
Finally as the fog in her mind lifts, she finally moves her hand away from her lips and lets out a large exhale.
Then she inhales.
She breathes in.
She breathes out.
Each breath calms her down, easing her storm.
A part of her wants to continue, but this time logic puts that temptation to rest. She’s lucky she wasn’t caught, she doesn’t dare tempt fate twice.
Besides, right now… in the afterglow of her feeling amazing while still gently wrapped around the one she loves most in the world… what else could she possibly want?
…
Well, she knows what she wants.
But that’s a fantasy.
And this is the reality.
Sooner or later, she always has to wake up.
No matter how lovely her fantasy is.
Still… it couldn’t hurt to just be the tiniest bit more selfish before she retires for the night…
So, with a gentle scooching of her body, she shimmies her way forward until she’s right in front of Vi’s face.
With a smile, she leans forward and gently presses her lips against Vi’s. It’s just a peck, skin against skin, nothing more. But Powder keeps it there, trying to convey to her sleeping sister all the feelings she holds in her small body for her.
It’ll fall on deaf ears, as it should.
But it doesn’t hurt to dream about what could be.
It doesn’t hurt to imagine Vi’s lips moving against her own.
No matter what, she has Vi in her life.
And that’s more than enough for her.
Gently, she retracts her lips and with a gentle swipe of her fingers to wipe away any trace of her kiss, she pulls back to her previous position in her big sister’s arms.
“Goodnight, Violet.”
With that, she closes her eyes and lets the gentle warmth of her sister and her body lull her into a blissful sleep.