just another day

by lemonlimespicytime

Summary:

everyone on the team is looking out for each other, helping each other get through their terrible pasts

but what happens when no one looks out for Walker?

he’s fine. right?

Chapter 1: all alone

Summary:

sorry if this chapters a mess, i have a lot of ideas for the rest of the story but couldn’t figure out a good way to start it :/

after the.. Void incident.. a lot of stuff changed. the team was obviously tense, and moving into the tower didn’t really help that. what it did do, was make all of them hang out more. in and out of missions, they were normally together. 

soon enough they began to seek comfort in eachother.

everyone had someone.

Ava and Alexei had become odd friends, watching old movies together and arguing over stupid topics.

Bucky and Yelena had gotten closer, bonding over their trauma, especially after finding out Bucky was involved with the red room briefly, way before Yelena was even born. and that he new her sister, and they’d actually been friends for a while. 

Bob didn’t need a person, they all kept tabs on him.

Alexei has learned he’s very into gardening, so him and Bob have a small vegetable garden on the terrace that they take care of together.

Bob and Yelena are as thick and thieves to no one surprise. they watch movie together a lot, and bicker like siblings. jabs with no heat or malice behind them.

Ava and Bob have actually bonded over music, listening to similar artists. they even plan on going to a concert together soon. 

Bucky quickly took notice of the fact when Bob can’t sleep he reads, so once a week a new book will randomly show up in Bobs room. he knows it’s Bucky, they all do, and every once in a while they’ll actually go to the bookstore together.

it was good seeing that he was okay. seeing that he’s happier. John’s not stupid, he knows he has a crush on Bob. it took a couple months for him to realize and then a couple more for him to be okay with it, but he is now, a year after they moved in. he’s only ever loved Olivia, so it was weird having the same feelings towards a boy. very confusing but also extremely anxiety inducing. if his father were alive, he’d be dead if the man ever found out. 

but god those pretty blue eyes and dark curls.. they made John’s heart feel like it was trying to escape its confines in his chest . 

so in general, things were good. they were all good and getting along. everyone has someone. 

expect the fact that there’s six members on their team. 

John’s tried. really, he has. but still, most days he stays to himself. 

he doesn’t have anyone, not anymore.

but it’s okay. 

he doesn’t need anyone.

he used to need people. but now those people are gone from his life. it doesn’t matter how much he misses them. doesn’t matter how many nights he spends wishing he could change everything. they’re gone. 

he tried to participate in the group activities. watching movies with the others, going swimming in their indoor pool, training with them, going out on shopping trips, even just going to the park. but the others didn’t seem as.. happy.. when he went. less upbeat, more on edge. he gets it. he’s not a good person, hasn’t been since the serum. he takes things too far. he doesn’t mean to, but he does. gets into arguments too easily, always starting shit even without meaning to. so he doesn’t go as much anymore. he still does sometimes, lets himself pick up those shards of hope that he can finally fit in, only to be cut open again when he pisses someone off on accident.

but, even with all the bonding, things are tense.

missions suck, and there’s the whole Avengers ordeal too. 

people don’t want them as the Avengers. he doesn’t blame them. 

a lot of the hate is targeted towards him and Bucky. fake captain america and the winter soldier. 

Bucky seems fine with it for the most part which makes sense. they all know he isn’t like that anymore. he doesn’t do that stuff anymore. and knowing the people close to him don’t see him that way seems to help a lot. 

but John is still like that. still hasn’t quite gotten a grasp on the serum, and how it affects his emotions. plus, unlike the winter soldier, he wasn’t mind controlled. he did what he did of his own free will. and there’s no coming back from that. everyone has made sure he remembers that.

”he was so proud of you.. when they made you captain america” 

his moms words rang through his ears yet again. the disappointment in her tone was clear. his dad had died, and that’s what she chose to say to him minutes later. it wasn’t a ‘he was proud of you’ sort of end speech, it was a ‘you’re a disappointment’ end speech. he still very vividly remembers the face she made when she said it, eyes full of shame, lips pulled into a tight frown as she shook her head.

now, he’s sitting here mid mission, mind growing increasingly more frantic while he looks at the stupid flag on the wall that triggered all this.

”Walker! are you even listening to me?” Yelenas angry russian accent comes through his coms and breaks him from the fog.

huffing out a noise he clicks the piece. “yes of course i am.” no, he wasn’t, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“okay well clearly you are not since you were supposed to turn at that hallway and instead you were staring at a flag!” she says flatly, voice increasing getting louder, accent thicker.

”okay okay i’m going now” he grumbles before sighing. he needed to get it together. he was a soldier for fucks sake, he shouldn’t be letting himself get distracted so easily.

he thought she’d dropped it, but no. of course not. once back at the tower, mission completed, she gets it going again. “what is wrong with you?? we could have failed the mission!” she shouted from across the kitchen island. 

“oh my god this again” he huffed and rolled his eyes, easily putting on that charismatic sarcastic mask of his with a grin. “i missed one hallway it wasn’t that serious”

”you missed one hallways because you were distracted!” she yelled, slamming her hands down. it sounded like a shot. he had to force himself not to flinch, taking a shallow breath instead.

”distracted by what?” Buckys voice joined in as he stepped into the kitchen. probably to see why they were shouting. 

“a flag! mr. america here was too busy looking at a flag!” she threw her hands up dramatically. 

when Bucky just game him a ‘really?’ look, John added on. “it made me think of something okay? jesus it was one hallway.” now he was starting to raise his voice as well.

”what remind you of when you were captain america? ya know at least until you murdered someone.” John could tell Bucky said it as a joke, at least kind of. some sort of friendly jab. but he could also tell it was laced with venom underneath as Bucky hasn’t really forgiven him for all that. 

“oh you mean like you’ve done plenty of times mr. soldier and mrs. widow” he snapped when he heard Yelena chuckle at what Bucky said. he immediately regretted what he said, but it’s too late. he did it. he pissed them off again. he walked off to his room, shutting the door harshly before he could see the hurt on their faces. 

why does he do this? get so defensive? why can’t he just get along? 

so yeah. tense. 

Chapter 2: hurting

“Olivia- please- please just let me see him for a little bit? the three of us could go to the park?” they’d been arguing over the phone for twenty minutes now. there was a new report on the team last night, and now she doesn’t want him to see their kid today even though it’s been scheduled for weeks. 

“John he saw the live report- he saw it and it scared the hell out of him. he spent hours crying.” she sounded so tired of this conversation. she’d been dodging around why exactly she didn’t want him seeing their kid today, and now he knows. 

“he saw it..?” he asked softly, voice broken. when she just hummed out a small noise of agreement, he nodded even if only he could see. “okay- yeah. okay. maybe some other time.” the tears were starting, he could feel it. he needed to get to his room before they fell. why did she have to call while he was cooking?

“i’m sorry John. really i am. we’ll give it some time then try to make something work okay?” at least she was sympathetic to him being upset. “happy birthday. again, i’m sorry” and she hung up. 

right. 

the only reason they were originally gonna do something together was for his birthday. 

but he ruined it. 

his child had seen him, on live tv covered in blood. luckily not actively doing anything, just walking out of the building, but fuck there was so much blood. it took forever for him to get it all off and out of his suit. 

he set his phone down and takes a deep shaky breath, hands on the counter. the tears burned, but he deserved it so it was fine. they weren’t going down his cheeks at least since only seconds later, Bucky and Alexei walked in. he still hadn’t apologized for what he said days ago, had really been avoiding both him and Yelena. “John what the hell happened yesterday?” oh for fucks sake here we go. 

“what about it Buck?” he sighed and stood up properly, blinking the tears away harshly and putting on the same fake grin. “the fact i got the mission done?”

”no the fact a news reporter got you on live television covered in blood. what did you do massacre a family?” he was obviously pissed off, and more annoyed with how nonchalant John was being. 

“i don’t know what to tell you. it happened. it’s over with.” he shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest.

”with everything happening we need to be more careful! the reporters are on our asses constantly!”  Bucky shouted, throwing his arms up dramatically. 

John rolled his eyes before sighing. “noted for the future. can’t do anything about it now.” 

“what’s goin on..?” when the fuck did Bob get here? Bob looked just as tired as he felt. probably just woke up.

”nothing Bobby. don’t worry about it” he pushed off the counter, starting to walk back to his room. “for the record. it was a group of traffickers” he stomped off to his room, shutting the door roughly behind him before sliding down the wall and finally letting himself cry. he knew it didn’t really matter why he’d been covered in blood. not to the press, not to Olivia, and definitely not to a small impressionable child. all they saw was the blood. 

with a heavy breath he got up and plopped down onto his bed, burying his face into the pillow to force himself cry as quietly as possible. he missed his son, so much. he’d been waiting for this day for weeks. and it was all taken away with one stupid recording. 

he’s not sure how much time passes before he hears a knock at the door. “who is it?” he grumbles into the pillow before sitting up and quickly wiping the tears off his cheeks.

”j-john? i have your phone- you left it in the kitchen” he sounded as panicked as ever. 

John couldn’t help the tiny smile. Bob was always trying to be nice to him, even when he was an ass to everyone. there’s been plenty of times when John’s distanced himself from everyone on his extra bad days, and Bob always check on him to see what’s wrong. how could he not fall for this sweetheart? “come in” he tried to make his voice sound welcoming for once. 

soon enough the door creaked open, and Bob popped his head in followed by his body when he saw John was just sitting in bed. sure enough he had his phone, fiddling with it between his hands before abruptly holding it out. “right- here’s your phone”

John hummed and took it, just throwing it onto the bed. Bob continued to stand there, anxiously picking at the hem of his sleeve and looking anywhere but John. “what’s up Bobby?” it was clear he had something more to say.

”uhm- i just wanted to say happy birthday- we could have done something had i known. which isn’t your fault- i should have asked or someth-“ and there goes the rambling. 

rambling that John quickly cut off with a small chuckle. “it’s okay Bobby. i didn’t tell anyone. wait- how’d you even know?” he tilted his head a bit, hands going down into his lap. 

“oh! i saw it on your phone- sorry- i didn’t mean to look but it kept going off. your mom texted you happy birthday” he smiled shyly, biting at his lip like he was caught doing something. it was adorable. 

John hummed again in understanding. “ah. gotcha. well- thank you. for the phone and birthday thing.” he waved his hand around like it’d explain everything. 

Bob smiled again, more this time. fuck he loved this boys smile. it made him feel so warm knowing he caused it. Bob padded his way to the bed and carefully sat down next to the soldier. “so why didn’t you tell anyone..?” 

John shrugged and look down to his lap. “didn’t see the point. not like we’d do anything. plus i had plans already” the last part was much quieter. key word: had. 

Bob grinned and bumped his shoulder. “big boy have plans with a pretty girl?” he giggled a little and John couldn’t help but to smile too. the boys laugh was contagious. 

he shook his head a little, smile never faltering. “i was supposed to be seeing Olivia and Ben but- she cancelled” he shrugged a little. 

Bobs frown faded unbelievably fast. “oh Johnny- i’m sorry- that sucks” he leaned against the soldier more, and John most definitely leaned against him as well, even if he won’t admit it.

”it’s okay. just sucks. i miss him. miss both of them really. and with Liv it’s not even romantically, i’m over that, but i miss her being in my life ya know?” he sighed again bit before stretching his arms over his head. “but it’s all good. i’ll get over it. always do”

Bobs frown deepened slightly, looking away and clearly thinking way too hard for several moments. “well what if i st-stay here- with you- for your birthday i mean!” he stuttered out, getting increasingly more anxious as he spoke. 

John looked at him completely shocked, mouth slightly parted and eyes wide. he’d think maybe it was a joke, but he can’t see Bob joking about that sort of thing. and the boys cheeks were flushed bright red and he couldn’t hold eye contact with John. “why..?” was all he could muster.

Bobs head whipped around towards him, confusion written all over his face. “so that you’re not spending your birthday alone?” John honestly wasn’t sure what to say to that. he was used to spending it alone as a kid, and hadn’t expected anyone aside from Olivia and Lamar to care otherwise. when he made no response, Bob gave a small gentle smile and pulled John down so they were both laying on his bed. he moved them around so he was clinging onto John’s back, arms wrapped around his middle with his nose buried in the man’s blonde hair. no time to procrastinate or freak out. just do it. 

John melted into it immediately, sighing a soft sound as he closed his eyes. he was unbelievably exhausted after everything. too many emotions. day to day he tried to avoid them for the most part, bottling them up so that he can pick a day to explode by himself. but fuck today has taken it out of him and it took all of five minutes snuggled up with Bob for the solider to fall asleep soundly.