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Published:
2025-09-03
Updated:
2025-09-11
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4,243
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4/?
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I Know I'm Gonna Be

Summary:

Odysseus: I have a plan
Diomedes: for what???
Odysseus: Being valedictorian
Odysseus: What else

Yet another high school au chatfic

Notes:

Hello and welcome to my first time writing a chatfic, all my inspiration comes from sillykeychains's operation penelope (GO READ IT RIGHT NOW)
Title from I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers
Info about this chapter: I looked up the names of all 16 combined children of Icarius and Tyndareus for one single part

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Last First Day of School

Chapter Text

August 25th, 10:31 pm

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Odysseus: I have a plan

Diomedes: for what???

Odysseus: Being valedictorian

Odysseus: What else

Diomedes: imagine being an academic weapon

Odysseus: You are an academic weapon bro bsfr

Odysseus: You just aren’t on my level

Diomedes: right

Odysseus: So as I was saying

Odysseus: Step one find the second smartest person in this school

Odysseus: Step two make a plan to study together

Odysseus: Step three find out their greatest weakness

Odysseus: Step four use it against them during finals so they’re distracted while I crush every exam

Odysseus: Step five victory

Diomedes: wow

Diomedes: you sound like a supervillain

Diomedes: wait what the fuck do you mean youre going to use someones greatest weakness against them

Odysseus: I’m just saying if someone started a few rumors about crushes or something you wouldn’t be able to trace it back to me

Diomedes: bro thats like psychological warfare

Diomedes: this is why you get no bitches

Odysseus: No

Odysseus: This is why I choose not to get bitches

Odysseus: I’m too busy being valedictorian

Diomedes: i love and accept u homo

Odysseus: That’s significantly more homo than me not dating 

Odysseus: I lOvE aNd AcCePt U my ass

Diomedes: i literally have a girlfriend

Odysseus: Plenty of gay people have had girlfriends

Diomedes: im not gay

Diomedes: go to sleep youre getting annoying

 

August 26th, 6:30 am

[Chat: 1000 boats]

Agamemnon: wake up asshats

Agamemnon: first day of school

Agamemnon: [sent a video] i woke up the ginger

[Diomedes laughed at a video]

Menelaus: hate u

Achilles: y tfuck r u up rn

Odysseus: Are we going to talk about how he spelled out the fuck in tf

Achilles: get ur stupid capital letters ass out of here

Patroclus: achilles chill

Teucer: wait are all of you seniors now

Lil Ajax: ye

Big Ajax: imagine being a junior

Teucer: :(

Menelaus: :( 

Menelaus: imagine being single ayyyy

Agamemnon: no idea how this guy pulled like that

Odysseus: No idea how he got his girlfriend’s sister to date you

Agamemnon: whats that supposed to mean

Odysseus: Nothing 

Odysseus: Don’t think about it too hard

Diomedes: guys we should meet in the locker room before class

Odysseus: I am not leaving my house any earlier than I have to

Odysseus: I live so fucking far away bro

Menelaus: but bro :(

Menelaus: what will i do without your sweet face

Odysseus: Use your imagination

Menelaus: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Menelaus: just move in with me already

Odysseus: Then I’d have to live with Agamemnon

Menelaus: im so lost without you :(

Menelaus: wait nvm helens here!!

Odysseus: Bruhhhhh

Big Ajax: teuce where r u

Big Ajax: get in the car

Lil Ajax: wait wheres practice today

Diomedes: where it always is dumbass

 

6:38

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Diomedes: can you believe this dumbass

Diomedes: odysseusssss

Diomedes: answer meeeeee

Diomedes: ugh youre probably driving

 

6:42

[Chat: Cousins!!!]

Clytemnestra: who has my mascara

Helen: i literally put it on your dresser

Clytemnestra: i told you to put it back in my bag if you take it

Helen: its on the dresser

Clytemnestra: thats not where i told you to put it

Clytemnestra: and now i cant fucking find it

Helen: open your eyes its on the dresser

Clytemnestra: no it isnt

Clytemnestra: its still in your room

Helen: dont go in my room

Helen: nes get out of my room im coming upstairs

Penelope: Don’t kill each other 

 

6:45

[Chat: Birth Control Exists]

Castor: [sent a video]

Pollux: the girls are fighting

Damasiclus: why

Castor: mascara

Pollux: he had to google how to spell that

Penelope: If you are my stepbrother and not in the car I’m leaving without you in five minutes

Damasiclus: WAIT

Damasippus: bRoThEr RuN

Damasippus: tHe CaR iTs LeAvInG

Damasiclus: IM COMINH

Aletes: Skibidi ohio rizz

Thoas: EW

Thoas: I HATE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS

[Thoas removed Aletes from the chat]

[Perileos added Aletes to the chat]

Aletes: Hehehehehe

Aletes: [sent a GIF]

Iphigenia: Aletes mom says u have to stop 

Aletes: No she didn’t

Aletes: T

Aletes: H jq

Aletes: THIS IS IHOP I HAV HIS PHNOE

Aletes: Sorry Iphi took my phone

Thoas: IHOP

Perileos: IHOP

Damasippus: IHOP

Helen: CASTOR WHY WOULD YOU SEND THAT

Clytemnestra: CASTOR

Timandra: oh my gods will you stop were going to be late

Clytemnestra: shut up timandra

Castor: shut up timandra

Timandra: i hate you 

Timandra: im telling

Phoebe: why are you guys being mean

Pollux: atp were taking the bus

Polymelos: the bus left

Pollux: i forgot you were in this chat

Polymelos: [sent a picture] technically im in pennys car

 

6:55

[Chat: Cassandra & Penelope]

Penelope: I hate having siblings

Cassandra: Tell me about it

 

7:10

Diomedes: bitch where are you

Diomedes: class starts in like 5

Odysseus: Coming

Diomedes: dont be late on the first day bro

Odysseus: Here

 

7:15

[Chat: Little Goats]

Anticleia: Have a great first day you two! Well… “last first day” for Odysseus :’). Love you!

Anticleia: [sent two pictures]

Anticleia: First day of kindergarten… and today. Time flies!

Laertes: Somebody did not want his picture taken, ha ha!

Ctimene: HAHAHAHAHAHA WHY IS HE CHOPPED

Ctimene: NEW CONTACT PHOTO

Odysseus: [sent a photo] Blackmail

Ctimene: EW WHY DOES THE BACK OF MY HAIR LOOK LIKE THAT

Odysseus: Stop texting in class

Ctimene: YOURE TEXTING IN CLASS

 

7:15

[Chat: Icarius and Penelope]

Penelope: Everyone made it to school on time

[Icarius liked a message]

Icarius: Thanks!

Chapter 2: Friends of Friends

Notes:

Posting this one a little early because I got excited
I'm trying to post maybe once-twice a week depending on how fast I can write this between homework and Life, I'm already a few chapters ahead so hopefully it works out

Chapter Text

August 26th, 18:17

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Odysseus: The plan is coming together

Diomedes: you mean your supervillain one

Odysseus: Yes that one

Odysseus: I got into the student records and I found my main competition

Diomedes: you mean your victim

Diomedes: i can’t believe coach athena is letting you get away with this

Odysseus: Did I tell you how I did it

Odysseus: It was incredible

Odysseus: I went up to her after class and fed her the lie about teaming up with the second highest achieving student to maximize our potential and she ate it up

Odysseus: Dio this is going to be my best work yet

Diomedes: whos your victim

Odysseus: Penelope Icarius

Odysseus: And get this

Odysseus: She’s Menelaus’s girlfriend’s cousin so I already have an in

Diomedes: do you know how little that narrows it down

Diomedes: helen has like eighty billion cousins 

Odysseus: I highly doubt she has eighty billion cousins

Diomedes: i hate you

Diomedes: she has like ten and half of them go to this school

Odysseus: Yeah and do you want to know the plan?

Diomedes: what’s the plan

Odysseus: It’s very simple

Diomedes: just spit it out

Odysseus: It’s called just asking Helen

Diomedes: right

Diomedes: you don’t know helen

Odysseus: I know Menelaus

Diomedes: what will he think about you talking to her

Odysseus: He’s not that jealous

Odysseus: And I’ll make my intentions very clear

Odysseus: Well my false intentions technically

Diomedes: you’re really going through with this?

Odysseus: Yes I am

Odysseus: I’m really going to be valedictorian

 

18:25

[Chat: Ctimene and Odysseus]

Ctimene: dinner

 

18:31

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Diomedes: i saw aegialia today by the way

Diomedes: we have math together

Diomedes: she was like on the other side of the room though

Diomedes: a lot of her friends are in that class

Diomedes: she talked with them most of the time

Diomedes: and it’s not like we didn’t see each other this summer i mean we’re next door neighbors

Diomedes: anyway i walked her to her next class and we were talking like normal but she was kind of quiet

Diomedes: is this normal for girls 

Diomedes: not that your chronically single ass would know 

Odysseus: One minute I’m eating dinner

Diomedes: how dare you

Odysseus: Ok first of all I’m single by choice

Odysseus: Secondly was it like a sad quiet or more of a casual quiet

Diomedes: bro idk that’s why i’m asking you

Odysseus: Body language Diomedes what was it

Diomedes: normal

Diomedes: she was literally just walking and messing with her backpack straps

Diomedes: yes i offered to carry it for her but she said no

Odysseus: Ok I’m thinking

Odysseus: Were you holding her hand

Diomedes: no why

Odysseus: BROTHER YOU ARE HER BOYFRIEND

Odysseus: HOLDING HER HAND IN THE HALLWAY IS IN YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION

Diomedes: how was i supposed to know that??????

Diomedes: she said she didn’t like pda????

Odysseus: Holding hands is barely pda

Odysseus: Even my chronically single ass knows that

Diomedes: fuck

Diomedes: gods damn it

Odysseus: Go text your girlfriend

 

22:52

[Chat: Cassandra and Penelope]

Penelope: Are you still awake?

Cassandra: No

Penelope: Did you look at the AP Gov syllabus yet

Penelope: Or the AP Research

Cassandra: Pen youre stressing yourself out

Penelope: No I’m not

Penelope: I’m just asked if you looked at our assignments yet

Cassandra: You need to go to sleep

Penelope: Will you just stop

Penelope: I’m sorry

Penelope: I shouldn’t have even texted you

Penelope: Good night

Cassandra: That good night better mean youre going to sleep

Cassandra: And not doing more school stuff

Cassandra: I know you don’t want to hear it but I said you were going to overwhelm yourself with all your classes

Cassandra: If you’re getting like this and it’s only the first day of school

Cassandra: Penny there’s no shame in dropping a class or two

Cassandra: Ok I’m going back to bed but take care of yourself 

 

August 27th, 1:45

 

Penelope: So you’re telling me to give up?

Penelope: I can’t do that Cassandra you know that

Penelope: If I ever want to get out of here I have to get into a good school and to do that I have to be valedictorian and get 5s on the AP tests and I don’t even play a sport so I have to make sure my other extracurriculars are good enough

Penelope: You don’t even understand 

Penelope: Colleges will see Ilium High School on your transcript and admit you instantly and they’ll see Achaea on mine and rip it apart to see if I’m any better than the other idiots here

Penelope: That was harsh and unfair I shouldn’t have said that

Penelope: Sorry

Penelope: Gods you’re probably asleep sorry again

 

6:30

[Chat: 1000 boats]

Agamemnon: second day of school gang let’s goooo

Diomedes: once was enough

Lil Ajax: no

Big Ajax: not again

Patroclus: yessss second day!

Diomedes: love the energy pat keep it up

Achilles: is that sarcastic bitch

Patroclus: achilles

Patroclus: chill

 

6:31

[Chat: Menelaus and Odysseus]

Odysseus: Are you going to be in the locker room

Menelaus: yeah i’ll be there with Helen

Odysseus: Perfect

Odysseus: I have a question for both of you

Menelaus: about what

Odysseus: Ok so basically I convinced Coach Athena to tell me who the second highest GPA in school was and she said it was Helen’s cousin Penelope Icarius

Odysseus: And my thoughts are since I’m taking a lot of classes and she’s probably taking a lot of classes if we help each other out it could make the homework situation a little better

Odysseus: Because bro I was looking at my syllabi last night and it’s not great

Menelaus: ok calling my girlfriend

Odysseus: I need you to call faster so I can drive

Menelaus: you’re leaving already?

Odysseus: You know how fucking far away I live

Menelaus: helen thinks its a good idea but only if you actually help her cousin too because her cousin gets really stressed about like school and stuff

Odysseus: Of course thats the whole point of this

Menelaus: helen says u kind of have a reputation so she wants you to promise

Odysseus: Helen I promise your cousin and her grades are in good hands

Odysseus: Would I lie to you?

Menelaus: yes

Odysseus: Ok fine

Odysseus: Shit I’m actually so late I have to go

Menelaus: helen says you can have her number

Menelaus: [sent a contact]

Menelaus: good luck

 

7:21

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Odysseus: Penelope Icarius’s phone number has been acquired

Odysseus: I was so late because of it but we’re going to ignore that

Diomedes: what did you have to do

Odysseus: Text Menelaus

Odysseus: Bro takes ten years to respond istg

Diomedes: its bc hes always talking to helen

Diomedes: i love the school news bc the teachers never watching to see if were on our phones

Diomedes: like who watches this shit fr

Odysseus: Doesn’t your girlfriend do the news

Diomedes: yeah but her parts tomorrow i think

Odysseus: Oh ok

 

7:24

[Chat: Odysseus and Penelope]

Odysseus: Good morning, this is Odysseus Laertiades. It has come to my attention that you are a high-achieving student like myself, and as such I would like to propose an academic alliance. What do you say?

 

7:24

[Chat: Cousins!!!]

Penelope: Helen what the fuck did you do

Chapter 3: The Wheel Starts to Turn

Notes:

and they're getting closer together
(still not there yet)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

August 27th, 7:24

[Chat: Cousins!!!]

Helen: wdym???

Penelope: [sent a screenshot]

Penelope: What the fuck is this

Clytemnestra: the fuck?

Helen: penny i can explain

Penelope: By all means please do

Helen: he texted menelaus this morning bc he found out you were one of the top students in our school and he wanted to make a study group so you could help each other out with homework and stuff

Helen: and i know how stressed you get so i thought you might like having a study partner

Helen: i didn’t think it would be such a big deal

Penelope: Odysseus Laertiades is not study partner material

Penelope: He’ll plagiarise off me or cheat off me or just use me to get his homework done so he can fuck around with the football team

Penelope: I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s trying to take my valedictorian position of something

Clytemnestra: that’s a little extreme

Penelope: It’s what I would do in his situation

Clytemnestra: penny you couldn’t hurt a fly

Penelope: I am not making an “academic alliance” with Odysseus Laertiades

Penelope: That’s such a stupid way to phrase it

Penelope: He just sounds so pompous when he texts 

Penelope: I’m just going to ignore him and he’ll go away

 

7:26

[Chat: Clytemnestra and Helen]

Helen: do you think she likes him???

Clytemnestra: penny and odysseus laertiades are you serious????

Clytemnestra: absolutely not do you hear yourself??

Helen: ugh you’re right 

 

11:45

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Odysseus: [sent a screenshot]

Odysseus: I fear I am being ignored

Odysseus: Not ideal for the plan

Diomedes: why do you text like that

Odysseus: Irrelevant

Diomedes: no its not

Diomedes: you text like a weirdo no wonder she’s ignoring you

Odysseus: This isn’t about the auto caps thing is it

Diomedes: no it’s about you “proposing an academic alliance” with a “high-achieving student such as yourself”

Diomedes: full offence you sound like a jackass

Odysseus: Damn 

Odysseus: [sent a screenshot]

Odysseus: Does this sound any better

Diomedes: no

 

14:30

[Chat: Book Club]

Penelope: Hey everyone!! Our first meeting of the year is this Friday in the library after school. We will be picking out our first book of the year and catching up about what we read over the summer!!

 

14:30

[Chat: Art Club]

Penelope: Hey everyone!! Our first meeting of the year is this Thursday in the art room after school. We will be picking out our first projects of the year and catching up about what we made over the summer!!

 

14:30

[Chat: Orchestra]

Penelope: Hey everyone!! Our first additional rehearsal of the year is this Saturday in the orchestra room at 9 am sharp. We will be practicing our first pieces of the year and catching up about our summers!!

 

14:30

[Chat: National Honor Society]

Penelope: Hey everyone!! Our first meeting of the year is this Friday in the library after school. We will be going over our first events of the year and catching up about other plans for this year!!

Penelope: Correction: we will be in Ms. Glaukopis’s room Friday after school, not the library. Sorry for any confusion!

 

14:31

[Chat: Book Club]

Penelope: Quick correction: our meeting Friday will actually be at 4pm, not right after school. Sorry for any confusion!

 

14:31

[Chat: Cassandra and Penelope]

Penelope: I’m going to lose my mind

Cassandra: Tell me about it

 

18:55

[Chat: 1000 boats]

Agamemnon: where were all the underclassmen today

Odysseus: The plague got them

Menelaus: some freshman had a back to school party and now everyone has mono

Lil Ajax: L

Agamemnon: i hate freshmen

Agamemnon: we better not be down any subs for the game next friday

Diomedes: the freshmen never get play time anyway

Diomedes: and we crush this team every year

Agamemnon: the subs are there to make sure we’re rested enough to kick ass in the final quarter

Agamemnon: i know how our team works 

Achilles: just bc ur captain doesnt mean u know everything

Agamemnon: it’s my job to know how the team works achilles and we always burn out in the third quarter

Agamemnon: that’s where the underclassmen come in 

Achilles: ok just lock in

Diomedes: really

Patroclus: i kind of agree with achilles

Patroclus: and like dio said we always crush this team so it will be a good chance to practice stamina and pushing through the pain

Achilles: exactly we’re locking in

Patroclus: and we have a week anyway that’s plenty of time for the freshies to get over their mono

Menelaus: pat i love you but you have no idea the kinds of excuses freshies will make to get out of practice

Achilles: anyways

Achilles: party this wknd at ilium

Achilles: whos in to crash

Agamemnon: how did you get an invite to an ilium party???

Achilles: i know people

Agamemnon: who

Achilles: some chick named briseis 

Achilles: im going as her date

Diomedes: i thought you were gay

Achilles: bisexual asshat

Achilles: im straight for free booze

Achilles: bri has a friend if u want

Diomedes: nah aegialias kind of pissed with me already

Achilles: ew

Agamemnon: i’ll go whos the friend

Achilles: her names chryseis i think

Menelaus: dude clytemnestra’s not going to be super happy either

Agamemnon: its not that serious it’s just a party

Agamemnon: you better not tell helen though

Menelaus: wdym not tell helen

Menelaus: i tell her everything

Agamemnon: yeah that’s the point

Agamemnon: she doesn’t need to know about this

Agamemnon: this is my personal business so don’t tell her anything

Menelaus: i don’t want to lie to my girlfriend

Agamemnon: bro

Agamemnon: it’s not lying if you just don’t say anything or whatever shit odysseus says

Odysseus: You mean lying by omission

Odysseus: Which technically has lying in the name

Menelaus: exactly i don’t want to do any kind of lying to her

Menelaus: i got really lucky with helen i don’t want to mess anything up

Achilles: ew 

Achilles: nasty

Patroclus: achilles he’s being sweet

Agamemnon: whatever

 

19:05

[Chat: Achilles and Agamemnon]

Agamemnon: send me chryseis’s number

Agamemnon: don’t tell clytemnestra

Notes:

hey remember that tag where i said the iliad would be side plot? haha yeah me too...

Ms. Glaukopis = Athena (one of her main epithets in the Iliad is Glaukopis, meaning "bright-eyed")

Chapter 4: The Wheel Goes Off the Rails and Breaks Into Several Pieces

Notes:

This chapter contains: bad decisions for The Plot :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

August 29th, 8:19

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Diomedes: yo

Diomedes: you have a car

Odysseus: What do you want

Diomedes: aegialia is still mad at me i think

Diomedes: idk it seems like she’s avoiding me so i was going to get her flowers

Odysseus: So why are you texting me and not your personal chauffeur

Diomedes: sthenelus is busy

Odysseus: You really need to get your license

Diomedes: that means youre taking me to the mall after practice right

Odysseus: Fine

Odysseus: Unless this Penelope Icarius girl ever texts back

Diomedes: starting to think helen gave you the wrong number

Odysseus: I could have just double texted

Odysseus: But no

Odysseus: Someone said that would “look desperate” and now I’ve been ignored for forty eight hours

Diomedes: just talk to helen yourself and get the right number

Diomedes: or just forget it and leave her alone

Odysseus: No I’m not going to just give up

 

15:47

[Chat: 1000 boats]

[Achilles left the chat]

 

16:00

[Chat: AHS Football]

Nestor: Hey Spartans. I think we all know practice was difficult today, but we need to address the elephant in the room. Today we witnessed some upsetting and unprofessional behavior from two members of our team. I had hoped we would all take the incident with Palamedes last year as a lesson, but it seems we need a review of appropriate methods of resolving conflicts. Coach Hera and Coach Athena will be holding a team meeting in the locker room before practice tomorrow to go over the student code of conduct, and expectations for the rest of the season. Thanks. - Mr. Nestor.

[Achilles left the chat]

[Nestor added Achilles to the chat]

[Achilles left the chat]

 

17:32

[Chat: Cousins!!!]

Penelope: Are you two coming over for dinner tonight?

Helen: no sorry im with menelaus

Helen: there was some drama at practice today he’s pretty upset

Clytemnestra: since when do football players have drama???

Helen: you have no idea

 

17:44

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Diomedes: [sent a picture] i couldn’t figure out the wrapping paper so i just put it in a bag

Odysseus: [liked a message]

Diomedes: do you think achilles was serious about quitting the team

Odysseus: Of course not

Odysseus: Football is like his entire life

Diomedes: if he quits we’re screwed

Odysseus: He isn’t going to quit

Odysseus: He would be an idiot if he did

 

22:20

[Chat: Cousins!!!]

Helen: i hate men

Clytemnestra: what happened

Helen: ughhhhhh

Helen: so i go over to Menelaus’s

Helen: bc he texted me that football was really bad

Helen: and he was just acting so weird

Helen: so what he said happened was, achilles was going to go to a party tonight with a girl named briseis, which is weird bc i thought he was super gay

Helen: and then he and agamemnon had a huge fight over it at practice???? which makes no sense???

Clytemnestra: achilles and agamemnon?

Helen: yeah

Clytemnestra: i didn’t hear anything about this

Helen: men are so shit at communicating im so sick of it

Clytemnestra: hold on let me call agamemnon

Clytemnestra: that fucker sent me to voicemail

Clytemnestra: he fucking didn’t

Clytemnestra: the audacity

 

22:20

[Chat: 1000 boats]

Agamemnon: i’m crshing t he party 

Agamemnon: who coming

Lil Ajax: are u drunk already

Agamemnon: ha haaha you know it

Agamemnon: im gona get chryseis man

Agamemnon: shes fine shit

Agamemnon: wayyyyyyy finer than clytmesnsta

Agamemnon: bitch shes trying to call me

Agamemnon: noooo wayyyy 

Agamemnon: who cares if chryseis’s dad said no parties like i dont care fucking achilles won’t share his girl he doesnt even like girls

Odysseus: Menelaus take his phone

Menelaus: he isn’t home

Agamemnon: fuck achilles broooo

Agamemnon: achilles fuck youu 

Odysseus: Go get him

 

22:25

[Chat: Cousins!!!]

Clytemnestra: he still isn’t answering

Helen: nes what if he’s at the party

Helen: should we go look for him

Clytemnestra: like a fucking babysitter???

Clytemnestra: you know what yeah

Clytemnestra: he could use a little public humiliation

Helen: penny are you coming

Helen: i know you’re awake your light is on

Penelope: I have schoolwork to do

Penelope: Good luck getting your man

 

22:25

[Chat: 1000 boats]

Menelaus: ok im going

Diomedes: pick me up on your way

Diomedes: if agamemnon is as drunk as he’s texting you aren’t getting him out of there alone

Menelaus: youre right

Menelaus: omw 

 

22:37

[Chat: Cousins!!!]

Clytemnestra: penny we’re here

Clytemnestra: helen’s inside seeing if he’s there

Penelope: Are you still in the car?

Clytemnestra: yeah

Clytemnestra: penny what do i do if he’s in there

Clytemnestra: i knew the relationship wasn’t going to last

Clytemnestra: i was going to break up with him soon because 

Clytemnestra: i don’t even want to say it because everyone will be so mad at me

Helen: holy shit

Helen: did aegialia break up with diomedes??

Clytemnestra: wait what?

Helen: [sent a photo]

Clytemnestra: oh shit

Penelope: I’m assuming that’s not Diomedes she’s making out with?

Clytemnestra: definitely not

Clytemnestra: is agamemnon there

Clytemnestra: do you see him

Clytemnestra: helen

Clytemnestra: helen tyndareus

Clytemnestra: screw this im going inside

 

22:40

[Chat: 1000 boats]

Menelaus: guys

Menelaus: helen’s car is here

Menelaus: we just pulled up and helen’s car is here

Odysseus: Didn’t you say Helen and her sister share a car

Odysseus: Maybe Clytemnestra’s looking for Agamemnon too

Diomedes: this is why odysseus is the smart one

Menelaus: so clytemnestra is definitely here

Menelaus: we can hear her yelling from outside

Diomedes: im going in bro i need to see the look on agamemnons face

Diomedes: its going to be so funny

 

22:47

[Chat; Cousins!!!]

Penelope: Have you found him yet?

 

22:50

[Chat: 1000 boats]

Odysseus: Did you find him?

 

22:51

[Chat: Diomedes and Odysseus]

Diomedes: she cheated

Diomedes: i thought she was mad at me

Diomedes: she’s been cheating with fucking capaneus of all people

 

22:51

[Chat: Menelaus and Odysseus]

Menelaus: odysseus i’m so stupid

Menelaus: i knew everything was too good to be true

 

22:51

[Chat: Clytemnestra and Penelope]

Clytemnestra: i told him

Clytemnestra: everyone had their cameras out and i just blurted it out

Clytemnestra: oh gods what am i going to do

 

22:52

[Chat: Helen and Penelope]

Helen: penny i messed up

Helen: i messed up so bad

Notes:

I wonder what Helen could have possibly done???????

Notes:

I am once again asking you to read operation penelope by sillykeychains