Chapter Text
Dan Heng wanted to scream.
He felt like shit... and that was putting it lightly.
They were supposed to have fun and enjoy themselves at the Wardance, but instead they ended up having to once again help the Luofu with a new crisis on top of their already existing political issues.
It wouldn't have been to bad, if it weren't for the fact that he was forced to visit the shackling prison not once, but twice!
Now he wouldn't say he hated Jing Yuan for his decision to send him there, Dan Heng knew why he had done it, but he also knew that the general was well aware of his history with the place.
So saying he didn't hold a bit of resentment for it, would've been lying.
The moment he was back in the comfort of the archvies he let out a shaky breath.
He had to force himself to keep a calm fassade ever since he had heard he would have to visit that Aeon forsaken place.
He knew it was an important situation, so he kept his cool, even when the memories of his time there kept flashing into his mind repeatedly like a broken record.
He had done his best not visibly react to them, but it had torn him apart on the inside. Now that everything was over he was beyond exhausted. So as fast as he could he changed into more comfortable clothing and went to bed.
He had hoped that perhaps the Aeons would show some mercy upon him and gift him a dreamless night to let him shove the memories of that place into the furthest possibly corner of his mind.
But alas the Aeons seemed to like seeing him suffer...
-- - - -- -- - - -- -- - - -- -- - - --
It was cold, the world around him was nothing but darkness.
Everything hurt.
He was sure he was crying, but no tears were flowing, as there were none left that he could shed.
There was stinging pain on different places all over his body. He could feel it the strongest on his left side, where blood had dried on his skin, causing the area to itch badly. But even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to scratch it.
His aching limps were shackled, forcing him to stay in an upright position constantly, while the feeling of his mutilated horns and tail made him continue to cry out every few secound, ruining his voice in the process.
That immense pain was something he knew he would never forget.
Yet he could do nothing, but stare into the cold and empty darkness, as it stared back at him.
He often asked it questions.
Why was this happening to him?
Why did they think he deserved this?
Did he deserve this?
No matter how many times he asked, it wouldn't give him an answer. All he could hear were the echoes of his own broken voice.
That was until a loud creak made him flinch. The sudden movement caused his pain to flare up and he whimpered in response.
"no, no.. please... no...", he croaked out, begging, as he heard footsteps approaching.
He knew exactly what was about to happen and that there was nothing he could say or do to stop it.
"Tsk, we haven't even started and he's already begging us to stop... how pitiful."
He couldn't even prepare himself, before he felt a crushing pain on his side.
They were pressing against his already open wound.
He whimpered and squirmed, as he tried escaping the touch, but his shackles held him in place.
They didn't stop their torture there, no, next where his arms, which they liked to use to test out the sharpness of their tools.
Then came his back. They whipped it like he was a slave, that didn't do his work correctly.
If being a slave somewhere else ment only getting this treatment if he didn't do his job, then he would prefer being one over this any day.
After that they moved to his tail, where they pulled, kicked and sliced at it like it wasn't limb, that was attached to a living being.
He asked the darkness to make them stop.
He received no answer, so they didn't stop.
They didn't stop, when he was crying and begging them to.
They didn't stop, after he had almost passed out from the pain more then once.
They didn't stop, when he started screaming in agony.
They. Didn't. Stop.
And he could do nothing but take it and wonder how he was still alive...
Why was he still alive?
Then came a sound, that would haunt him forever.
A crunching crack echoed through the entire room, as a pain stronger then he had ever felt before shoot from his horn through his entire body.
He didnt scream, he just instantly lost consciousness.
-- - - -- -- - - -- -- - - -- -- - - --
Dan Heng jolted awake.
His eyes where stinging with tears, threatening to spill over. One hand came to clutch at his chest, as he strugged to get his breathing under control, while the other subconsciously reached for his horns.
They were still there.
He dropped his hand again and grabbed the sheets of his mattress tightly.
The memories his dream had reminded him of repeated constantly in his head, making him relive the pain and anguish over and over again.
It took more then just a few minutes until he calmed down enough, that he felt like he was actually breathing again.
It was only then that he consciously realized he had shifted into his vidyadhara form.
Not having the energy to shift back, he just let himself fall onto the mattress, exhaling shakingly, before moving into a curled up position on his side and hugging part of his tail, while wrapping the rest of it tightly around himself.
Why did the universe feel the need to make him relive those memories and why did they still have such power over him?
They were in the past. He wasn't there anymore!
Yet no matter how many times he told himself that, the phantom pains wouldn't leave.
The archivist knew he wouldn't be able to, nor would he want to sleep now, so he just laid there in silence and cried internally.
He was starting to feel numb from suppressing too many of his intense emotions. He tried his hardest to shift his thoughts to other things, but inevitably was unable to.
"Dan Heng?"
Shit.
How could he forget!
The Stellaron Hunters were comming over today. Well presumably today...
Had he slept in? If so, for how long?
He couldn't face Blade like this! It was hard enough to face the man when he wasn't in this state.
But now...
What would he think?
Knowing the Stelleron Hunter, he'd probably scoff at him and tell him to get over it.
Not wanting to find out his actual reaction, the archivist kept quiet, hoping to seem like he was still sleeping.
"I know you're awake", Blade's voice was a lot closer then before. How had he not heard his footsteps?
Dan Heng inhaled sharply, but didn't move.
"Please leave...", he spoke quietly, "I'll be there in a few minutes."
His voice sounded extremely shaky, he hated it. He knew fully well that he didn't convince the hunter one bit.
"I don't think I will", he heard Blade sit down at the end of his makeshift bed, "Not until you tell me, why you're sulking in your bed in the middle of the day."
Oh... so he did sleep in.
"Why do you care?", his voice betrayed him once again, making his words sound desperate, rather then the annoyed tone he was going for.
"Because I've never seen you in this state before and I want to know the reason behind it."
Dan Heng took a deep, but shaky breath, then reluctantly uncurled himself to sit up.
He hugged his legs and rested his head on his knees, refusing to look at Blade.
He feared if he were to look at the hunter now all his carefully constructed walls would break and he would crumble into pieces in front of him.
"I-", he didn't really know what to say.
What could he even say?
Did he trust Blade enough to actually tell him the truth or could he find an excuse?
Probably not, Dan Heng sometimes felt like that man knew him better than he did himself.
"I had a nightmare...", it was true, a kind of embarrassing reason to be in this state, but it was a truth that didn't need a detailed explanation... or so he thought.
The hunter let out a disapproving sound.
"I know there's more to it", he hear him shift closer, "a simple nightmare wouldn't affect you this much, so out with it."
He just hugged his knees tighter without responding.
Why should he?
This was Blade for Aeons sake!
He didn't know why he suddenly seemed to care, but that didn't change the fact that they used to be enemies not to long ago.
Yes, they had been on better terms recently, even had a routine of sparring whenever the Stelleron Hunters came over, but that didn't mean Dan Heng trusted him.
So how could he-
"Fine, if you don't want to tell me, at least talk to someone. You have companions, talk to them, before it eats you alive", he could hear Blade moving to stand up and something in him just reacted on its own.
"Wait!", he grabbed the hunter's hand, yet was still refusing to look in his direction.
"Hm?"
"I-", there was a lump in his throat, "I had to visit the shackling prison."
"They arrested you?"
"No, that's not-", he took a deep breath, "there were some issues on the Luofu, during the Wardance, which led to me having to go there."
"That's where they kept you before you were exiled, no?"
"Yes..."
"So that's why you're upset?"
"Yes... and no. I... dreamt of a...", he swallowed, "bad memory of that place..."
There was a long pause.
Why was he telling him this?
"Dan Heng?"
"Hm?"
"Look at me."
He shook his head.
The sudden touch of a bandaged hand on his jaw, made him flinch slightly. The hand held still for a moment, before tilting his chin up to look at Blade. The archivist still didn't meet his eyes.
"Dan Heng."
He glanced in his direction for a split second, before shifting his gaze away again. He couldn't handle the way the hunter was looking at him.
"What did they do to you?"
He could feel his eyes fill with tears.
Why did Blade have to care?
He had just calmed down! And now he was on the verge of crying again!
"Dan Heng, look at me!", he sighed, before speaking in a voice, that was softer than the vidyadhara had ever heard from him before, "please."
As soon as his eyes locked with crimson ones his walls began to crack. He was looking at Dan Heng with such tenderness and worry, it made him feel like his soul was being hugged.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
Blade scooted closer, shifting his hand behind the archivist's head, pulling him to rest it on his shoulder, before snaking the other hand around his back to hug him close.
The dam Dan Heng had pushed his feeling behind burst open and he could do nothing but crumble, as all of his suppressed emotions broke free with an intensity that was just too much to bare.
Tears were streaming down his face in waterfalls, his hands and tail were clutching Blade like a lifeline and he just sobbed, falling apart in the hunter's arms.
Blade said nothing, just held him gently, letting the vidyadhara cry for as long as he needed.
He didn't know how long his tears kept flowing, but even once they stopped and his breath had slowly calmed down, he refused to let go of the hunter.
Feeling the other shift to move back, only made Dan Heng grip him stronger.
"Please don't", his words were barely audible.
Understanding what he ment, the hunter held him a little tighter.
They sat in silence for a while, until Blade could feel the archivist's breath slowly even out.
"Dan Heng?", he finally asked, after a moment.
When he got no response, the hunter delicately placed him onto the bed.
He tried standing up, but the vidyadhara's tail didn't loosen it's grip on him, so instead he sat back down, carefully laying Dan Heng's head into his lab, before he started to comb his hand trough the archivist's long hair.
Blade wasn't really sure what to feel. Seeing the vidyadhara so broken and knowing the reason behind it had stirred something inside him.
Of course he knew that Dan Heng had spent time in the shackling prison, but he'd always thought the Luofu would never dare to do anything to him, considering he was the High Elder... Looks like he was wrong.
He felt so many conflicting emotions.
When he saw the look in Dan Heng's eyes, he had just let his body move on autopilot.
His emotions grew even more conflicted, when the other had broken down.
Hearing and feeling the archivist sobbing had made his heart ache.
He looked down at the sleeping vidyadhara beside him. Seeing him used to make his mara flare up, but now... Right now all he wanted was to rid Dan Heng of all his pains.
Said archivist stirred next to him.
"Blade?", rubbing his eyes, he sat up and slowly took in his surroundings.
Unbeknownst to him his tail was still wrapped around the hunter.
"How long was I out for?", his voice was raspy from crying.
"Only a few minutes."
"I see."
He paused for a moment.
"Can you not tell my companions about this? I do not wish for them to worry", his voice slowly started to gain it's usual tone back.
"Okay."
"Thank you."
Another pause.
"I... I hate talking about that place. Having grown up there... every memory I have of it, be it mine or Dan Feng's, is... nothing but painful."
Wait what?!
He grew up there?!
Blade swore he was going to burn that damn prison to the ground.
"I don't know why I'm telling you all this...", he heard Dan Heng murmur to himself.
"Look, I'm not too good with words of comfort, but I hope you know that you're safe now... with you companions and... well I don't plan on chasing you around the cosmos anytime soon again, so... I also won't pose any danger", his hand went to caress the tail around his torso.
The action caused the vidyadhara to realize his hold on the hunter, making him pull it away, much to Blade's disappointment.
"Sorry...", Dan Heng looked away embarrassed, making the hunter chuckle quietly.
"How late is it?"
"Silver Wolf has my phone."
"Oh."
"But it was around 14:25 sistem time, when I came to the archives."
"Okay", Dan Heng let out deep breath, "Thank you... for comforting me I mean. I don't know why you did it, but thank you."
"I don't really know why either", he admitted.
He could see the vidyadhara contemplating for a moment, before speaking again.
"I think... I still need a bit to gather myself, you... don't have to stay here."
"I don't have anything else to do anyway", he paused, then added, "Except if you want me to leave?"
"No, it's fine. I- Your presence... isn't unwelcome."
"Okay."
He chuckled again, when he felt a tail wrap around his torso once more.
"Shut up", the vidyadhara hit him lightly on the shoulder, then averted his gaze.
His right ear twitched slightly and Blade could see the red tint it gained.
The tail stayed in its place.