Chapter Text
ABO α x α
Demographics: 26% alpha, 53% beta, 21% omega
Suppressants: medications to regulate reproductive cycles. Fairly easy to obtain, generic versions are available over-the-counter, after getting at least one medical consultation. They can be used to skip ruts/heats, but it’s not recommended. In addition, they lessen the gender-specific symptoms and traits (aggression, pheromone production, etc.). In this AU, new medications are becoming available, but they require frequent examinations, tests, and consultations.
Contraceptives: birth control medication for all females and male omegas.
Scent patches/blockers: additional products used in combination with suppressants, to be directly applied to scent glands. They inhibit pheromone production. It’s not recommended to wear them for more than 3 hours a day.
Inhibitors: the active agent in suppressants. There are 3 different kinds available in a variety of formulas, and more are being researched.
Affirmation treatment: hormone treatment to “kickstart” a delayed development in young alphas and omegas after presentation.
“Don’t freak out. I’ve only come to talk to you.” He would have recognized that voice anywhere. Standing in front of the house he had grown up in, Satoru lifted his gaze from the meticulously kept traditional garden and saw the man standing before the gates. Suguru Geto made a hesitant step forward and raised both hands as if trying to soothe a frightened person. He might have had trouble comprehending how much his old friend had changed in the span of six years. After all, the feeling was mutual. The snow-white hair and the striking blue eyes were unmistakable, though.
Satoru Gojo looked at him, dumbstruck for a second, as if he couldn’t believe who was standing there. His mouth went dry. All he could do was stare at the young man. He recognized him, of course, his once-best friend, the boy he had spent most of his days with until the age of fifteen. Only, the boy was gone now. Why that came as such a shock, he couldn’t fathom. He only needed to look in the mirror. They had grown up.
Suguru had grown his hair out. He wore it down, and it reached just past his shoulder blades now. That he had kept the same style of bangs on only the left side of his face, the same as before, caused a wave of nostalgic fondness in Satoru’s chaotic feelings. The discrete studs in his earlobes had been replaced by prominent, dark purple jewelry.
Are those gauges?
It suited him. The childlike softness of his face had given way to the angular, fine features: high cheekbones, thin brows, piercing eyes, and a sharp jawline. He was tall—they both were now. Satoru no longer had to look up at him. Actually, he had finally managed to grow a little taller than his childhood friend, thanks to three months of treatment he still regretted daily.
Suguru was pale, perhaps a bit too pale, and visibly uncomfortable as he stood on the sidewalk in front of the gates. He looked more than shaken. No surprise there, given the circumstances. An hour ago, Satoru had received an alarming phone call, warning him that Suguru might be looking for him. Precautions had been taken, but the young heir of the Gojo family fortune had made it very clear that he didn’t want anyone to stop Suguru before they had a chance to meet.
You really showed up.
He still couldn’t believe it. It felt like seeing a ghost at this point, his past coming back to haunt him.
“Please, Satoru, I just need two minutes of your time, and then I’ll be gone. I promise,” Suguru pleaded with him.
The white-haired man came out of his state of shock and cleared his throat. He glanced behind the young man, whom he hadn’t seen in almost six and a half years. There was a black car with tinted windows parked on the other side of the street, just twenty meters away. They were being closely watched. It was nothing new to the Gojo heir. Security staff members had been following him around for years. These ones weren’t his usual team, though. His mother had sent them over. It was overkill, and he had told her so, but she had insisted.
“I guess you’d better come in, then,” he told his childhood friend and opened the gate for him. Suguru looked taken aback, but nodded slowly and followed him in. He kept his distance, Satoru noticed. As far as awkward reunions went, this would certainly make the top three in his life.
Unnoticed by the new arrival, he gave the man standing almost hidden by the corner of the house a signal by flicking his eyes in the direction of the waiting car before they went inside. His head of security could talk to the other team. They were not needed here. His alpha pride made it difficult for him to tolerate his glorified babysitters on normal occasions. This was personal business, though, and he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone interrupting this meeting.
“Do you want something to drink?” he offered his guest.
“No, thank you.” Suguru fell victim to his curiosity when they entered the house and took a look around. He seemed a little surprised, a little disappointed perhaps, if Satoru could still count on his ability to read the younger man. They went into the kitchen, where Satoru offered him a seat and got himself a glass of peach juice.
“Been a while,” he tried to keep the halting conversation alive, rummaging through a cupboard, looking for something he could offer his guest.
“Six years,” agreed Suguru. And five months, Satoru added silently.
“Did you come back recently?”
“Just today,” the raven-haired alpha admitted.
“And you came straight here,” Satoru observed, getting his clues from the luggage Suguru had left by the door after taking his shoes off. He had brought a backpack, big enough to carry a change of clothes and the bare essentials, but not much else.
“I did.”
“On your way to somewhere?” It was just small talk, but it felt awkward and stiff with the many glances he threw over his shoulder to look at the younger man. Satoru finally gave up searching and leaned back against the counter, taking a sip of juice. His mouth felt strangely dry. He caught himself inhaling deeply and frowned.
“I’ve been thinking about going on a trip for a while,” Suguru lied. The way he looked sideways gave him away. He had that tell since he was a kid. Either he wasn’t aware of it, or he couldn’t break the habit.
“Oh? Where to?” the older alpha played along.
“Different places. I don’t have it all planned out yet. More of a making decisions while I’m out there kinda thing. I’d like to make it all the way to Europe at the end.” With that kind of luggage? Satoru doubted him.
“Have you traveled much before?”
“Never been outside the country,” Suguru admitted, with a blush spreading across the top of his cheeks. It was cute how he lowered his eyes, Satoru thought, not at all what he had expected. Not very… alpha-like. Oh, there was no doubt that Suguru Geto was an alpha. Even without knowing it for a fact, his tall, muscular physique was a clear indicator. If he could get him to laugh, Satoru would catch a glimpse of his more prominent canines, the same ones he ran his own tongue along now.
“Your first big trip, then. Exciting.” This is so awkward. What the fuck are you trying to do? Can’t we just cut to the chase? Satoru took another sip and put his glass aside, crossing his arms over his chest, scrutinizing the man in front of him. “I’ve been looking for you, you know?”
Suguru tensed in his seat. The grip of his hands clasped together on the table tightened, and he kept his eyes averted. Again, not very alpha-like of him. Of course, most of them were not posturing dickheads who showed their so-called dominance off at any given opportunity. No one got anywhere with that kind of behavior in their society, but no one could escape their second gender specific traits completely, either. Suguru was exhibiting submissive behavior without being challenged. Guilt could do that to a person.
“I couldn’t even find a trace of you. Where did you go?” Satoru wanted to know. These were the questions that interested him. They had kept him up many a night during these years.
“Pretty much all over the map. Iwate, Kagawa… I spent most of the time in Osaka.”
“Does your family live there now?”
The raven-haired man shook his head. “My parents got divorced. My father lives in Sendai, and my mother works as a pediatrician again. She lives in Himeji.” He had a nagging, bad feeling when he heard that. There was something ugly hidden in those lines.
“Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you don’t see much of them.”
“My mother visits twice a month.” Suguru shrugged, trying to appear unbothered by it, but something in his expression gave him away, confirming Satoru’s suspicions. The younger alpha rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck under his black hair. Satoru marveled again at how long it was now, how Suguru had become so handsome, and how different he looked compared to Satoru’s own unusual appearance. “How are your parents?”
“Still the same. You know. My mother keeps her pointy heel firmly pressed down on everyone’s neck. She is still in charge of the business. I doubt that is ever going to change before she kicks the bucket.”
“Satoru,” Suguru admonished him quietly, gently, an echo from the past. The older man rolled his eyes and spread his hands in a helpless gesture.
“It’s the truth. My father spends more time in America these days. Business. Making a killing if the numbers can be believed. It would all be sunshine and rainbows if the prodigal son could get his shit together,” he scoffed.
That had been meant to lighten the mood, but it dealt Suguru an unintentional blow. The brown eyes that had found his blue ones again when asking about his parents lost all courage and were suddenly filled with guilt.
“I’m sorry,” Suguru apologized. Fingernails bit into a pale wrist under his sleeve as he leaned back in his chair and stared down at the table. “I’m so fucking sorry, Satoru. I can’t…”
“You don’t need to do this,” the white-haired man interrupted him.
“Yes, I do. Please let me finish. I know it won’t be enough, but please let me apologize to your face before I leave. I’ve been wanting to for years, and I…” He took a shaky breath. “I know what I did is unforgivable, and neither of us will ever forget it. If I could, I would make it up to you. I would do anything. You were my best friend, my only one, and I always thought it would always be like that. I never wanted to hurt you. Please, believe me. I… I have tried… to…” He faltered.
He was scratching at his wrist nervously and clearly losing his composure. Satoru didn’t move and didn’t take his eyes off the person from whom he had once been inseparable. They had been best friends. From the age of five to a week after Suguru’s sixteenth birthday, they had almost spent every day together.
Suguru was still rambling, still unraveling.
“I tried to get help. I tried to understand how it happened. Why it happened. But no explanation could change anything or excuse what I did.” He stood up. Satoru didn’t flinch. He didn’t back away, either. They were not the same boys from six years ago. He didn’t need to be afraid of Suguru. The only reaction he allowed himself when the younger man came near was a slight head tilt and a sneer that threatened to become a growl. A clear warning. Most alphas in his place would have been more reactive.
Suguru didn’t heed his warning. Instead, he went to his knees on the kitchen floor and bowed his head. His black hair parted at the back of his neck and fell over his broad shoulders, revealing a reddened nape, sweat-damp strands, and something Satoru had already suspected. Scent blockers. The skin around the patches was dry and irritated, with angry-red scratch marks covering most of his nape.
“I’m sorry, Satoru. I promise you will never see me again. If I am allowed to ask for something, please don’t blame my parents for letting me come here today. I didn’t tell them. They would have stopped me. It’s all my fault.”
“Are you done yet?” The lack of compassion in his voice made Suguru lower his head even more. He nodded. “Good, then get up. What do you think you are doing? Next, you will take one of my kitchen knives and commit seppuku? Yeah, I think I’ll pass.”
Slowly, the younger man came back onto his feet and took two steps back, still looking at the floor. Satoru was almost certain that Suguru had wasted countless hours over the years envisioning this encounter and trying to come up with an apology to convey his feelings. To have it rejected like that must have been jarring, humiliating even, but he couldn’t find it in him to pity the younger man. In all honesty, Satoru had gotten nothing out of the weird display. I hadn’t made him feel better by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, it had irritated him, the sight of another alpha submitting in front of him like that. And not just any alpha.
“I’ve told you, you don’t need to do this. I don’t need your apology, and frankly, I don’t want it, either. It’s been six years. What do you think apologizing is going to change now? What are you even apologizing for? Huh? Did I ask you to?”
“I raped you,” Suguru answered hoarsely, thinking the older man wanted him to say it out loud. He didn’t. He really, fucking didn’t.
“Yeah, you did,” Satoru sighed. “You know, since you also almost bashed my head in, I can’t even remember it. I don’t even remember much of what went on at the hospital that day. —Oh, I know the facts. I’ve been over it countless times, but it feels more like reading fiction than reality.”
There was a big gap in his memories of that day. Apparently, Suguru had attacked him out of the blue. At some point, Satoru’s head had smashed against the edge of his desk, knocking him out. He couldn’t remember when or what had led to it. He didn’t know if they had been arguing that day, if it had been an accident, if he had stumbled, or if Suguru had pushed him. It could have gone either way. It didn’t matter. That much would have been excusable.
What didn’t fit was what happened afterward. The report said that Suguru had raped him. But that made no sense. None whatsoever. They had been best friends. Nothing more. They were both alphas. Even if Suguru had experienced his first rut back then, it wouldn’t have caused him to sexually assault another alpha. It just didn’t add up.
“That doesn’t make it better,” Suguru muttered, still unable to meet his eyes.
“You know, your parents called,” the white-haired man suddenly changed the subject, fed up with this charade. Even with his head lowered, he could see Suguru’s eyes widen. “They called my mother, apologizing and warning her that you might show up here. You probably didn’t even notice, but there were people out there watching you. Security. One word from me, and you would be dragged out of here right now, with two options: police station or back to the clinic where you vanished from last night.”
“Then why did you even talk to me? Why did you ask me to come in?” Suguru was trembling now. He looked as if he wanted to run.
“Weren’t you listening? I’ve told you. I’ve been searching for you for years, Suguru. This morning, I found out what had happened to you after more than six years. I’ve spoken to your mother. She is worried, you know? Why did you run away? Everyone is looking for you. The clinic called the police.”
Satoru wanted answers, and he was going to get them today. He had been kept in the dark for too long.
“I… I just wanted to see you before…”
“Before you were going away? Or before the new treatment?”
That was the last straw. When Suguru was finally looking at him again, he was growling. Satoru had almost been able to believe that this was all a mistake, that everyone had it wrong, and that the young man in his kitchen was actually the sweet, polite boy he used to know—the one who would never hurt him. But this was a clear display of aggression, and Suguru seemed very much in the middle of making a fight-or-flight decision.
“Suguru,” he said warningly. It was hard not to give in. His first impulse was to respond in kind and show this man, this other alpha inside his home, who was in charge here. But this was Suguru. “Calm down,” he told him firmly.
He had noticed the lack of pheromones before. Even up close, he could barely smell the younger man at all. But scent blockers could only do so much. Now, there was an unpleasant smell radiating from the younger man, but nothing even vaguely resembling what Satoru remembered of Suguru.
When his friend presented as an alpha, Suguru’s smell had changed into this unfamiliar mix that went straight to Satoru’s head the first time he inhaled it. It had been very intriguing. For the first time in his life, Satoru had wanted to get up close to someone and breathe them in to get his fill of that strange smell. There was nothing left of it now.
He could see the panic rising in the younger alpha, could tell the exact moment when he made his decision. Suguru turned around and bolted.
“Wait!” Satoru yelled after him.
If they caught him out there, running away as if fleeing a crime scene, his security team would chase and stop him. Even if Satoru called them off, the second team sent by his mother wouldn’t show any restraint.
He clicked his tongue and ran after him. Damn, but he was fast. Satoru prided himself on his speed, and he could probably overtake the younger man with his longer legs, but Suguru had a head start. It was those two seconds he needed to slow down and snatch up his shoes and bag from the floor that foiled his escape. Satoru grabbed him, and they began to struggle, with Suguru trying to get free. He ended up with his back hitting the wall, caged in by Satoru’s larger body.
For a man of Suguru’s size and build, Satoru had expected a lot more trouble overpowering him. He could feel a tremble in Suguru’s muscles that was more than shaking from nerves or anger. Suguru felt weak in his grip, even if the fight had never gone out of him. He was showing his teeth again, growling loudly, and this time, Satoru reciprocated. His pheromones overpowered the disgusting smell in the air, fanning the flames of Suguru’s aggression even more. The younger alpha was still struggling in his grip, but he had not the slightest chance. It took him longer than it should, but eventually, the fight went out of him, and Suguru closed his eyes, panting, and bared his throat in submission.
Satoru eased off of him and took a step back, running a hand through his white hair, staring at the younger man.
“You are on meds,” he voiced his suspicion. The charged moment between them was over, but the thrill it had given Satoru remained. It had been a long time since he had gotten physical with someone in an altercation. Part of him was honest enough to admit that he liked that sort of thing, that he got a kick out of it—more than that. It excited him.
“I’m on suppressants. There is no way I would risk coming here otherwise.”
Odd, Satoru thought. That didn’t add up.
“No, I meant, your body is rejecting them. They are not working.” Suguru couldn’t hide the side effects any longer.
“They are working,” he said, scratching his wrist again before pulling his sleeves over his hands.
“No, they are not. Just look at you. Do I need to take you to the hospital? Do you have an allergic reaction or something? Are these new?” This wasn’t the time to argue about it if he really had an allergic reaction.
“Clinical trial,” Suguru admitted and almost slumped back against the wall. “It’s fine. I don’t need to go to the hospital.”
“Don’t be an idiot. You are sweating; I bet you have a fever. Your scent glands are itching, and I could feel you shaking. And you stink. You are in trouble, Suguru. This is serious.”
Anyone could read the signs. Alpha or omega, anyone on medication had to give informed consent before getting a prescription. Every teenager had to learn about suppressants in school, even betas. Despite all that, there were still people who just didn’t take it seriously. They signed where they needed to in order to get their medication, annoyed about the extra precautions. Satoru just hadn’t taken Suguru as one of those stupid people.
Strangely enough, it was being reminded of his awful smell that seemed to bother the younger man most of all. He looked embarrassed by it, hugging himself while backing off another step.
“You seem to know an awful lot about it.”
“Duh. I had the pleasure of experiencing that shit firsthand once. Believe me, you should take it seriously. You will regret it otherwise. They need to get you off your meds immediately. Don’t try to tough it out on your own. I mean it.”
Suguru chuckled a little and couldn’t suppress the next onset of shakes. He was getting worse by the minute. Their struggle had taken its toll on him.
Fool. Why did you try to run away if you feel like shit?
“Come on. Let me take you. I’ll cover the bill if that’s what you are worried about. I’ll make sure you won’t get any trouble from my family.” Satoru held out a hand, but was rejected.
“I told you I don’t need any help.”
“Suguru,” Satoru said warningly. “Quit the games.”
“It’s not the first time,” the younger man bit out. His voice almost broke when he said it.
“Even more reason—”
“It happens every time I take them,” he cut him short. “My body rejects the inhibitors. I’m used to it.”
Satoru could only gape at him for a second or two.
“What?” Then why do you still take them, he wanted to scream at the idiot in front of him. Instead, he had to lunge forward when it looked as if Suguru would lose his balance. He grabbed him by the upper arm and held him upright with the help of the wall. “Wow, hey, hey, I’ve got you.”
“I need to sit down for a sec,” Suguru slurred, sounding close to fainting.
“No kidding.” He slung the younger alpha’s arm around his neck, supported his back, and swept him off his feet, lifting him almost effortlessly. If the situation hadn’t been so serious, he would have enjoyed it.
“Satoru,” the raven-haired alpha gasped, sounding afraid.
“Relax, I’ve got you.”
“Put me down. I’m heavy, you idiot.” That made the older man snort. He adjusted Suguru’s weight in his arms, demonstrating his ability to be more than capable of carrying him now.
“That’s cute. Haven’t you noticed? I’ve managed to grow a bit.” He rolled his eyes and carried the younger man into the living room, where he made him lie down on the sofa. “Hey,” he said and sat down next to Suguru, no longer caring that they were repeatedly getting into each other’s personal space. Even if Suguru hadn’t shown his submission, he didn’t pose any threat in the state he was in. A sense of worry for his old friend had overtaken any other instincts. “Tell me what’s really going on. Don’t you think I deserve that much, at least? It feels like I’ve been kept in the dark, and I hate it.”
He put a hand on Suguru’s sweaty forehead and brushed his bangs aside. He definitely had a fever. Idiot. So much for his cute blush.
“I’m not even supposed to be here.” Suguru swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment, probably still feeling a little dizzy.
“Fuck that. It’s way too late for that. Can we just stop with the bullshit? Are my parents threatening you?” The suspicions were running wild inside his head.
“I haven’t spoken to your parents in six years, Satoru.”
“But they did something. Why does no one tell me the truth around here? I’m so sick of it,” he snarled.
Suguru sighed. “Satoru…” He had missed hearing him call his name like that, gently, admonishingly, always looking out for him.
“What?” the older alpha asked indignantly and pushed the sleeve of the younger man’s sweater up while turning his hand over. The skin on his wrist was angry red, dry, and flaky. He must have been scratching it quite a bit. The patch had peeled off during their fight, but the traces of the adhesive of a scent blocker were clearly visible. Satoru had to wonder how long Suguru had worn them. Scent blockers were not intended to be worn for longer than three hours a day, as they could irritate the scent glands.
“Whatever they did, they did that to protect you. You shouldn’t blame them.”
“That’s a lot of bullshit coming from someone who has no clue what has been going on in my life either.” Satoru ran his thumb lightly over the irritated skin. It made Suguru’s hand twitch. “Hurts?”
“Itches like crazy for some reason.”
“For some reason,” Satoru parroted, bringing his wrist up to his face, sniffing it. “Gee.” His disgust must have shown. Suguru tried to pull back and free his hand, but he wouldn’t let go. Instead, he ran the tip of his tongue over it. This time, Suguru recoiled in horror, pushing himself up, eyes wide in shock.
“What the hell are you doing?” he squeaked.
“What?” Satoru asked, oblivious to his embarrassment. “Don’t we have some stuff in our saliva that’s supposed to speed up healing? Or at least soothe?”
“Do I look like an omega to you? —Shit, stop licking it! It’s disgusting! Ngh…”
Did it matter? Omega or not, the proteins in the saliva of alphas promoted wound healing and reduced inflammation.
“Can’t be soothed, huh? I used to do that when mine were driving me crazy after I had that reaction. It helped. Kinda. At least the itching wasn’t as bad anymore. This tastes weird, though.” He scrunched up his nose. Suddenly, he had the urge to lick and suck until that weird smell was gone, just so he could discover what Suguru was supposed to smell like now.
“Stop, stop, enough,” Suguru urged him. He let go and watched the younger man cradle his wrist against his chest.
“You are a mess,” Satoru observed. “I won’t let you leave like this. You can have the guest room. Like old times, I suppose. Not that you ever slept in there, but we are both old enough to sleep alone now, I guess.”
“Are you insane? Are you trying to keep me here until someone shows up to take me back?” His accusations were not appreciated at all. Had he still not figured it out? Or did he just refuse to believe him?
“Huh? I’ve told you. There is security waiting for you out there right now. Should I call them in? —What do I have to do to make you believe that I am not angry at you? I just want to know what actually happened, Suguru. Nothing adds up. They told me you might try to hurt me if you find me. That you wanted revenge, that you are unpredictable and dangerous. —Instead, you show up here and get on your knees. You tell me stories about a trip you want to go on when you are supposed to be in Osaka at a clinic, scheduled for a new treatment. But now you tell me you are already on a different clinical trial, one that doesn’t work for you. What the hell is going on here?”
“It’s not important,” the younger alpha answered stubbornly.
“It is to me. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I lost my best friend six years ago, and I couldn’t find him. One day, we were still together like we used to be, like we were supposed to be, and the next, you were gone, and I was at the hospital without a clue what really happened. The only thing they told me was that I wouldn’t see you again, that you had left. My mother got furious whenever someone mentioned your name, and I just knew she wanted to make your life a living hell.”
Everything had changed that day. His whole life had been upended, and no one would tell him the truth. Six years. Six and a half damn years he had been searching.
“She didn’t. I’m not even sure she knew where I was. —I hurt you, Satoru. That’s what happened. I assaulted you without provocation, raped you, and you had to be hospitalized. There was no way they would let me near you after that. Look, a lot was going on afterward. There were lawyers involved, but I don’t know the details. You are the heir to one of the most influential and powerful families in the country. The last thing anyone wanted was for what happened to get out.
“I had to leave, and they had to ensure I wouldn’t be found. If anything, your parents might have tried to protect me in some way. I don’t know. I spent the next two years at a clinic under my mother’s maiden name. During that time, my parents divorced. It became clear that I couldn’t stay with my father any longer. He has a new family now. A wife and daughter. My mother took me to visit relatives in Iwate and later Kagawa. It didn’t work out. I was in and out of the clinic a few times over the years. They put me on different medications each time. Nothing worked. I have been back at the clinic for a while. They had high hopes for this new drug they put me on.”
He shrugged. He didn’t need to explain that part any further. The results were obvious. Satoru still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Suguru couldn’t tolerate any of the approved suppressants on the market. Some people had adverse reactions to one formula or another, but to all of them? Then why did he keep trying? The vast majority of both alphas and omegas were on medication. It certainly made things easier. Cycles could be skipped, hormone levels stabilized, and gender-specific traits became less noticeable. But suppressants were not a necessity.
“I never wanted any of that to happen to you. I never blamed you! I just couldn’t understand.” Why hadn’t Suguru contacted him earlier? He had made him wait for more than six years. He could have reached out without anyone else ever noticing. He hadn’t been a prisoner. Social media was a thing. He could have messaged him privately.
“Neither could I, to be honest. It took me a long time to come to terms with it. Second genders don’t matter, and all that kind of nonsense. I always believed that. My parents used to preach that, remember? My alpha father, who broke off his engagement with his omega fiancée just to marry his beta sweetheart, and they lived happily ever after?” Suguru snorted. “Right. Look how great that turned out for them.”
Suguru’s parents had told that story whenever their son or his best friend asked questions about second genders and what it meant. Suguru, especially, had been worried about what might happen when they both presented as alphas. He had been worried that their close friendship might come to an end.
“I still don’t care about that. You are an alpha—so what? So, something back then triggered you, and you attacked me. Fine. I get it. But it was an accident. It wasn’t your fault, and it doesn’t change how I feel about you,” the white-haired man insisted.
“It changes everything, Satoru. Without the meds, I couldn’t even be here with you. We are both on suppressants right now. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Even this close, I can barely smell any pheromones coming from you. I threatened you in your own home.”
To that, Satoru could only scoff.
“Yeah, I’m on medication, alright. But for a different reason. I don’t need them like that. I don’t use patches or anything.” He pushed his sleeves up to expose his wrists. “See? My physician has me on suppressants at my request so that I can skip my ruts and keep my sex drive low. The reason I’m not going full alpha on you is that I know you. I grew up with you. I always thought we would spend our whole lives together, as naive as that might sound.”
He pulled one leg up and wrapped his arms around it to keep from touching the younger man. Things didn’t need to become even more awkward between them. He might have felt as if they were still friends, that this was his Suguru from six years ago, but one look at the younger alpha and Satoru could tell how uncomfortable Suguru really was at that moment.
“Yes, we both are alphas, and back then, I knew how anxious you were because of that. But for me, it never changed a single thing. There was never anything sexual between us back then. Hell, we both know that I was such a late bloomer, and that my parents got all worried about it. But afterward—and now it’s my turn to tell you not to freak out—I thought of you more and more like that. That doesn’t mean that I would ever do anything to you. You probably don’t know what caused you to attack me back then or why you did what you did. You probably never think about any alphas like that—or men. I don’t know. But I do. I thought about you a lot.”
The confession tumbled out of him. He had debated countless times with himself about whether he should ever mention it when they met again. Perhaps it was the urgency of the moment, the feeling that Suguru might get up and leave again, the fear that they would never see each other again. Maybe this would be his only chance to tell him the truth. But most of all, he had wanted to tell Suguru the truth. He had wanted the support of his best friend back when no one else wanted to take his side. Even if Suguru didn’t feel the same, even if it disgusted him, maybe he wouldn’t hate him for it. An alpha being into other alphas…
“I don’t think about anyone like that, alpha or not,” Suguru avoided giving him a straight answer. It stung.
“You don’t? Or you don’t want to?” Satoru tried to force one out of him.
“Doesn’t matter. Same outcome.”
“It matters,” Satoru insisted. “It matters a fucking lot to me if you think I’m disgusting for being alphasexual. Everyone else does, but honestly? I don’t care anymore. I’m done with that. But I do care about what you think. And don’t dare lie to me about it.”
That was something he kept telling himself over and over, that he didn’t care. One day, he might actually believe it. Until then, he would keep trying to convince himself. What else could he do? He couldn’t change who he felt attracted to. Being gay wasn’t really an issue. He had had plenty of male omega admirers. But being gay and into alphas? Admitting that was akin to calling himself a criminal in this society. It wasn’t against the law here. Not yet. The debates never died down completely. Another sexual assault allegation would make it into the news, another case of rape where a male alpha had forced himself onto another, and there would be outrage.
It didn’t matter that the same crimes were committed against all genders. An alpha assaulting an omega? Tragic. Disgusting. But everyone was already numb to that sort of thing. The worst that could happen was someone accusing the omega of provoking it. And yes, there were cases, rare ones, in which a misguided attempt at seduction would go horribly wrong, resulting in both parties accusing each other. Those cases were always widely discussed, providing a perverse form of entertainment. That was never the case when both the victim and the accused were alphas.
“I don’t think you are disgusting. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business who you are into,” Suguru told him, and Satoru wanted to believe him. Emboldened, he asked the real question.
“And what if I’m into you?”
“You don’t even know me anymore, Satoru. I think you might think of me as the boy you grew up with.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m not that boy anymore, either.” Disappointed, he didn’t ask again. “You are staying here tonight. No one will bother you,” he changed the subject instead, pretending it wasn’t bothering him.
What the hell did you expect? Don’t push your luck.
“Fine. But don’t carry me. I can walk on my own.”
“Good. Then walk. Take a shower while you are at it. Seriously, you reek.” A kick to his hip shoved him off the sofa, and Satoru landed on his ass on the floor. “Ouch!”
“Then stop sniffing me, you idiot.” That was the first glimpse of the old Suguru he knew. Somehow, despite their situation, it made Satoru ridiculously happy. He grinned as he pushed himself back up and made room for the other alpha to get past him.
“Take those patches off. You are only making it worse.”
“You just told me how much I stink,” Suguru called him out.
“And it won’t get better if you keep wearing them. They’ll all get inflamed.” The look on Suguru’s face told him that it was already too late for that. “Seriously? You are such an idiot,” the older alpha groaned. He wondered how Suguru wasn’t going crazy from the itching. “Go and take care of that. Now.”
Grumbling, Suguru retrieved his backpack and went upstairs. Satoru followed him with his eyes, worried, but at the same time strangely giddy. He had finally found him.