Chapter Text
Pomni woke up in a sweat. She moved her hand to her head, which had been throbbing for days. Could it all have really been an episode? How long has it been since she escaped? Only 3 or 4 months?
No longer in the circus, but with no idea how she had managed to leave.
She had been found wandering through the city, absolutely out of it, asking random people about the exit. The whole thing was a blur. Someone had finally called her in, and with no identification she had been put in a holding cell for a few days while waiting for her to snap out of it and identify herself. Once she was identified, everyone around her had started calling her Chris. Was that really her name?
Per the police, she had been missing for over 2 years – it had only felt like a few months or so in the circus. She had been allowed to return to her accounting job somehow, and was staying with an old friend from college. The job now felt lack-luster, almost pointless to go to, but she needed the money. Since her “psychotic break” her friend, Angie, had been keeping tabs on her. It really didn’t feel like there was any connection beyond that at this point though.
The rest of her friends had moved on, and her parents had moved 10 hours away, unable to deal with the loss of their daughter. Although she was incredibly grateful that Angie still had her back after everything that had happened, she almost would have preferred to deal with the aftermath alone. She pretty consistently thought about moving away, starting over, and even changing her name to Pomni. She thought the name would hold trauma, but it really just felt more like who she was now.
She slipped out of her bed, throwing her hair up in a messy bun and putting on an oversized sweater. It was 3:57am on a Saturday morning. Looking at herself in the mirror, she somehow didn’t recognize herself. Her hair was dark and long, but she never did anything with it. Still short, but naturally thin, and only getting thinner, as eating had lost its appeal. Pomni thought she had the potential to be pretty again, but the sheer exhaustion of living made her face look tired and worn out. She looked nothing like the Jester she had felt connected to in the circus. It all felt pointless.
She pulled out her phone and hopped on her Instagram. She had made an account under the username “Pomni” hoping someone would recognize the name and reach out. So far there had been no hits, other than the typical Instagram bots. She had considered trying to draw a picture of the jester, but was worried that with too much information on the page, someone would realize she hadn’t moved past it and she would be back in the institution. She started scrolling through reels. She needed something to keep her mind busy. It felt like she always did anymore. Constantly feeling empty, disconnected, and bored was not how she felt she would react when reconnected with reality.
After about an hour of scrolling, she had made a decision. She needed to go back to the abandoned C&A building. She needed to know if it was all just pretend. She knew she had no way to connect with anyone from the circus if they had escaped as well. This would be her only connection, or at the least verification that she WASN’T crazy.
Pomni slipped on her shoes, grabbed a thick hoodie, and jumped out the window. It was fall and the mornings were cold, and if she used her door, Angie may notice and try to stop her, reasonably concerned about her mental health. She slipped in her headphones. She was playing some podcast about urban exploring. It was still something she wanted to continue doing, but under her current circumstances, that wasn’t an option. Someday she would go back out there.
As she approached the abandoned building, the throbbing in her head had stopped, however; panic began to set in. “fuck, can I really go back in there?” She said to herself out loud. After a few minute, a notification buzzed on her phone. She could feel her heartbeat start to race, concerned that Angie had already realized she was gone. Checking the notification, it was just one of her social media accounts letting her know it was someone’s birthday.
The sun was starting to come up, she knew it wouldn’t be long before Angie woke up and started blowing up her phone. She appreciated the concern from her roommate, but it felt forced and fake. It felt like Angie thought she was a child that couldn’t cope with her circumstances. She decided it was now or never and took her first steps into the building.
As she begin to explore it, she was careful to avoid the parts that were falling apart, trying hard to remember the path she took to initially find the headset. Her memory of the building was fuzzy, there was a lot of trauma that had come after it. She made a few wrong turns here and there and had to backtrack. It felt so much like when she had thought she found the exit in the circus. She could feel the flashbacks coming on and panic attacks setting in. What would she do if she found the computer? What if it never existed? Could she live with that, knowing she was crazy and mourning her friends who never even existed?
Finally, she reached a computer with a headset next to it. When she looked at the lit up screen it had “THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS” with an animation of Caine in front of the circus tent.
“I KNEW I WASN’T FUCKING CRAZY!” she exclaimed with a shaky voice.
There was a layer of dust on the desk, but she noticed two handprints on the desk that had wiped some of it away. Someone else had been here. The handprints were large, and it looked like they had just placed their hands on the desk for a minute and then left. Why wouldn’t somebody mess with the old tech?
Without thinking, she grabbed the mouse instead of the headset and hit the ‘load game’ option. There was only one save file. Her body begin to shake and her breathing got short and rapid. Could this be where she was? Against her better judgement, she clicked the save file. “SAVE FILE CORRUPTED, Please restart the game” appeared in a speech bubble that looked like an abstracted character. After a few seconds it took her to the new game option.
Did this mean everyone was dead? Did they get out? What is the next move from here?
Pomni sat back in the chair and put her hands over her face. It felt like her whole world was collapsing around her. She was no closer to answers, other than the confirmation that the game actually existed. If she could abstract, this would be the moment – she had never felt this alone or confused and had absolutely no leads in this moment. There was a loud thud, like a door had shut somewhere in the building. Pomni prepared herself to go and see where the sound had come from. Then suddenly her phone started to vibrate. Angie was calling her, probably in a panic. She rolled her eyes and then answered.
“Hello? Chris are you okay? Where are you?!” Angie sounded like she had been panicking.
“Oh Ang! Hey! I went on a run this morning – No worries, I’ll be home soon!” Pomni said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.
“You hate exercise.” Angie said blankly.
“Right.. I- uhm”
“Chris, come home.”
“Yeah..S-sorry for worrying you Ang”
It was exhausting being babysat all the time. Although Pomni was happy that Angie was helping her get on her feet, she felt almost more trapped than she did in the circus. Still being watched, still unable to do the things she wanted. She shoved the headset into her oversized sweater pockets slipped her headphones in, turned on some calming music, and started her decent home. At least she knew it was all real. She had a new task now. She had to know if her friends made it out.
------------------------------------------------------------------
It took her over 20 minutes to find her way out of the building. She was already exhausted when she had to start her journey back to the small apartment. There was a bridge she hated crossing too, it was an overpass and usually insanely busy with people commuting to work each morning. When she finally came to it, she noticed that there were police cars blocking the road, not allowing anyone to pass.
‘Oh what the hell.’ She didn’t really want to get involved in whatever was happening. She was already well known from the missing for two years incident, she really didn’t need the attention from this as well. As she approached the police cars to see if she could walk across, she noticed someone standing on the edge of the bridge and it looked like they were ready to jump.
It was a fairly attractive man in his early 20’s. Tall, tan skin, long hair pulled back into a pony. He looked incredibly drunk though, barely hanging on to the edge and occasionally tripping over his own feet. He was somehow only in a dark black t-shirt and jeans. Pomni thought about how cold he must have been.
“You think YOU’RE going to stop me you stupid pigs? Is any of this real anyway?” He was clearly having some kind of breakdown. “Go ahead and shoot me, drag me back to the circus, I don’t care anymore.” He was yelling at the police. Something about his voice shook Pomni to her core though. It was so familiar. Slurred and a little out of character, but familiar. And what could he mean by circus…
One of the cops were trying to talk him out of jumping. “Felix, we know its been a hard adjustment, this isn’t the answer.”
“Fuck you, fuck all of you.” He got a grin that seemed to hide that he was absolutely distraught. “I don’t CARE about any of this. It’s all just a stupid game anyway.”
Oh holy shit, she knew that voice. Without thinking, Pomni ran past the police so she was close enough to the man so he could hear her. He looked totally different from his character, but that voice, those mannerisms, it HAD to be him. And if it wasn’t, she would only be the second craziest person in this situation anyway.
“JAX!” She screamed, feeling tears start to stream down her face. The man stopped and perked up a bit.
“What did you…” He trailed off a mixture of confusion and recognition crossed his face.
“JAX ITS POMNI”
He looked stunned and stepped away from the ledge.
“Pompom?” he said with the most confused look on his face.
Within seconds the police had him tackled and handcuffed. He struggled to try to get away, but never looked away from her. Pomni tried to run over but one of the cops stopped her.
“He will need to be placed on a psych hold and evaluated. 24-72 hours required. You can meet up with your friend or contact him after the eval.” The cop said professionally. “Do you know Felix?” He asked.
“He’s, well, he’s an old friend.” Pomni said trying to seem less crazy so the police officer would take her seriously.
“We’ve had a lot of problems with Felix lately. He was missing for over a decade and when he came back, it was like he just couldn’t cope. I didn’t think he had anyone left. Are you willing to be a contact?”
“Yeah, I mean you’ll probably want to confirm with him to be sure. But if he’s okay with it, I can be.” She was only watching Jax being escorted to the police car. He hadn’t broken eye contact with her since he noticed her. He remembered. It had to be him.
The police took her information and cleared the scene. Now she just had to wait, it felt like she was always waiting. Just hoping that he would call. She needed this, she needed someone who would understand. Someone to prove she wasn’t crazy. Jax was her only connection so far.
She sent a text to Angie about the police blocking the road so she wouldn’t be interrupted on the rest of the walk home, altering the truth a little bit so she could buy some more time to calm down before she had to pretend nothing had just happened.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Where did you go this morning.”
“Just on a walk.”
How was she going to get out of this conversation? Angie was always so intrusive, and always reported back to her parents.
“What time did you leave?”
“Oh only like 5 am.”
“Chris, I really want us to be able to talk. If you need anything-“
“I don’t.” Pomni said turning away from her and heading back into her room. Angie tried to follow her.
Just then Pomni’s phone started ringing. It was an unknown number.
“I gotta take this Ang.”
“Yeah, okay. We can talk later Chris.”
And Angie shut the door
Pomni’s hands shook as she answered the phone.
“H-Hello.”
“Pomni?” His voice sounded so quiet, so out of character from the bunny she knew at the circus.
“Jax?”
There was a long pause and Pomni was worried that the line cut out.
“So, I’m NOT crazy!” Jax exclaimed suddenly.
“Well, considering where you are, I wouldn’t say that.”
“Right.”
“Do you want to talk? Like when you get released?”
“Sure PomPom, you must miss me and ALL of my glory.” He was clearly masking but the mask was shaky. Since when did he reuse lines?
“Ugh Jax. I’ll pick you up. Call me when you’re out.”
“Yeah, sounds good. You’ll want to refer to me as Felix though, since that’s my name and all.”
“Right, uhm, I, Christine will be there to pick you up.”
“My hero, Chrissy.” He didn’t have his usual edge to his voice. He sounded tired.
The line was silence for a few seconds and then he spoke again.
“Okay not much else I want to say on this recorded line. I will let them know this number will be a good contact.”
“Yeah, Glad I found you Ja- Felix.”
“Ditto Chrissy, talk to you soon!”
The line went dead. The conversation had been awkward, but he was drunk, and had just tried to abst- kill himself. She thought of the handprints on the desk back at the abandoned building, were those his? What was his plan if he found the game?
Pomni’s mind was racing. She had to make sure they were all okay. She started making a list of all of the traits of her friends. Zooble and Gangle had mentioned the internet. They HAD to be out there. Did they already find each other? She decided that she would try and find them first.
Angie knocked on her door.
“Were you talking to someone?”
“Uhm, yeah..” There was no point in lying to Angie.
“Oh good! Who was it?” She couldn’t tell if Angie was trying to be friends or keeping tabs again.
“There’s this guy, Felix. He’s a friend of mine. He’s going through a hard time. I just felt I could be a good support and all, since you know.”
“Felix huh? Weird name. He your boyfriend?” This might have been just a friendly conversation, but Pomni didn’t want to let her guard down.
“No – I – uh, I am just concerned.” Pomni grabbed her phone. 9:32am. “I think I am going to go out again for a bit.” Pomni said grabbing her bag and ran past Angie without saying another word.
“Chris please, we can talk like we used to.”
But Pomni was gone.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angie threw herself on the couch and turned on the TV. Chris had been her best friend all through college. She even went urban exploring with her a few times. When she went missing a few years ago, Angie had explored every building around, hoping to find Chris. When she turned up again, she was just so different. Paranoid, reckless, and disconnected.
Angie threw the pillow over her face and let out a disgruntled groan into the pillow.
“Maybe I just should have listened to the crazy stories about the circus,” She said to herself out loud.
Pomni had walked up to a small diner and went inside. She ordered a coffee to try and a small breakfast platter to try and wake herself up. Since leaving the circus she hadn’t been eating or sleeping for more than a few hours a night. Her focus had to be on making sure that everyone escaped. Did that include anyone who abstracted? There was no way Pomni would even know how to start searching for them.
‘I bet Gangle will be the easiest to find next. Jax is safe for now, I just need to keep looking for the rest of them.’
She pulled out her laptop to look while she waited for her food. Deciding she was actually searching for them now, she went to a webtoon comic site and searched for Gangle. Up popped a creator who posted frequently about “The Amazing Digital Circus.” Pomni face-palmed. That was almost too easy.
Reading through some of the comics, it displayed adventures from before Pomni joined. The characters were definitely based off the group, but Gangle made herself the hero in each story. She had a strong fan base as well. People consistently commenting about how they were so excited for the next webisode.
The last comic that was posted was the day that Pomni had joined. Gangle had made her character look extremely cute. She had also definitely hinted at a “ship” between “the jester and the bunny.” Gross, is that how she saw them? Jax absolutely wasn’t her type.
She spent the next 15 minutes making an account, naming it Pomni_TADC. Confirming her email, renaming her account TheRealPomni_TADC, then renaming her account again, REALPOMNI!TADC, because who the hell is using up these usernames?
Coming up with a comment was the hard part. She didn’t want to be so blunt – there were thousands of comments on the story and she needed something that would stand out. Finally, under the story where she entered, she made a vague foreshadowing. Something that Gangle would notice.
“That was one of the HARDEST days of my life, I look forward to becoming president though. Feel free to reach out Gangle.”
She immediately downloaded the app on her phone, logged in, changed her password because somehow it was already wrong, confirmed her username from her computer, changed her password again, YOU KNOW WHAT SURE, LETS USE 2 FACTOR AUTHENTICATION, and turned on notifications in case Gangle decided to reach out.
‘Two of them, it looks like two of them are still alive.’ Pomni thought. Relief washed over her. She wasn’t crazy. Gangle had left evidence that everything she experienced WAS real. With that, she closed her laptop, took two bites of her food, and decided to head home.
She spent the rest of the day an anxious wreck, refusing to leave the house, binging tv series on Netflix, and scrolling reels. Finally forcing herself to fall asleep at around 1am. What an insane curse it was to never actually be able to sleep.