Chapter Text
I watched from afar as they danced hand in hand with their absolutely gorgeous dresses on. They both looked so beautiful. I wish that I could be with them dancing as more than a friend. I know I'm crazy for liking both girls at once but I couldn't help it. They were my best friends and over time I started to like them as more. I knew that I couldn't be with them and that hurt. I think that it's time for me to distance myself a bit from them. The longer I stay with them the more it hurts.
So here I am downing my third Long Island ice tea sitting at the bar all alone at this mixer for agents of shield and the avengers. I was excited to come but then I saw them together...happy and free. I wanted that with them but I couldn't. This is why I decided to pull back a bit from the friendship. I hope it's something that they can eventually forgive me for.
"You got it bad, kid." Tony says sitting next to me.
"Is it that obvious?" I ask him.
"You mind as well write it across your forehead." He says chuckling and I give him a sad smile. "What are you going to do?" He asks me seriously.
"Nothing." I sighed taking the last few sips of my drink. "I can't ruin anything." I said to him and he rubbed my back sympathetically.
"You never know what will happen if you don't talk to them." He says.
"But what if they don't see me the same or they think it's weird and not want to talk to me ever again. I want them to see me how I am now. I don't think I can handle them looking at me any worse." I said holding back tears.
"I'm sorry, Alex." He says to me.
"Thanks, T." I said to him. I got up ready to leave and started heading for the exit. Halfway to the exit I was stopped by of course the girls.
"Alex you look good." Wanda says. I was wearing a white button up with a long black tie that had roses embroidered on it. I was wearing black slacks with dress shoes. I had a black blazer with a few embroidered roses on it. The girls smile wide at me and I try my hardest to return the happy smile that they gave me but I know mine didn't reach the eyes.
"Thanks, Wands. You both look absolutely gorgeous." I tell them truthfully.
"Dance with us, Alex." Natasha says to me holding out her hand.
"I'm actually going to go home. I'm not feeling all too well." I said to them and I see both of their faces fall and change into concern. That's the other part that makes this hurt. The girls instantly fall into this caregiver role whenever it came to me and I loved it but I shouldn't be receiving it. Not from them.
"You okay?" Wanda asks concern laced in her voice.
"Yeah. I think I just need some sleep." I tell them and I need to get away from them as quick as possible. I was on the verge of crying and I didn't want to cry in front of them. "Goodnight guys, have fun." I said to them and before they could even say anything back I turned around and left. As soon as I made it to the elevator I released a breath that I was holding.
I made it to my room and slowly changed my clothes. I felt empty. I already had a shit ton of mental health issues and this situation is only making my depression worse. I put on a hoodie and sweat pants before laying in the bed. Once my head hit the pillow I released everything.
I'm not sure how long I cried for but after that I just felt completely numb. I hated myself for falling for them. What was wrong with me? They were already in an established relationship for years. I was their friend I shouldn't have these feelings.
I heard a knock on the door and I sighed. I got up and I instantly felt the exhaustion. I dragged my feet over the door and only cracked it open. To my surprise Natasha and Wanda were at the door. Of course they were.
"Hey, dekta(baby). We just wanted to check on you." Wanda says and god they were too kind to me.
"Yeah just a headache." I said to them. It was more like a heartache.
"Have you been crying?" Natasha asked me seriously. I should've washed my face first. I mean of course the best assassin in the world would notice.
"The headache was just bad." I said and I felt bad lying to them. Natasha looks at me and I can tell that she didn't believe me but she doesn't press the issue and I'm thankful for that.
"Drink lots of water and take something." Wanda says with a soft smile and I nod my head.
"Okay, thanks." I said and honestly I felt like a zombie when I was talking. Everything felt monotone and slow. "Goodnight, girls." I said to them needing to end the conversation and I could see how taken aback they were and I hated that. I wish I didn't have to push them back but I needed to for my own insanity.
"Goodnight, dekta." Wanda says.
"Goodnight. If you need us we are always here for you." Natasha says.
"Thanks." I said to them and slowly closed my door that I never opened more than a foot wide.
The next morning I was sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal when Natasha and Wanda came in talking about something. I had two spoonfuls before I was done anyway. I had to get out of here. Once they saw me their smiles grew. Shit.
"Good morning." I said to them. Honestly I still felt exhausted. I didn't get much sleep last night. I spent most of the night contemplating my life. I was stupid for loving them. That I knew as much.
"Morning, you feeling any better?" Natasha asks me.
"Yeah, my headache is gone. I'm just a bit tired still." I tell them. At least being tired was true and that would be able to explain why I looked like shit today.
"That's good." Wanda says smiling. "We're having a movie day, want to join. At least you'll get some rest. Even if you fall asleep that's okay." She says chuckling. Honestly I would love to have a relaxing and chill day with them but I knew that I couldn't. Plus I did have a mission today which I was not looking forward to.
"Sorry, no can do." I said to them. "Unfortunately I have a mission today. It's supposed to be an in and out but we all know how that goes." I said sighing.
"Who's going with you." Natasha says and there's a tone behind her words that I just can't place. I wish I could read people just as much as her. She was teaching me but she has so much more experience than me and then it doesn't help that she's also better at masking her true feelings as well.
"It's just Clint and I." I said to them but for whatever reason they seemed worried. Why? Was it because this is the first mission in a long time that I have gone without either one of them or both of them? That couldn't be right? Maybe it was because I told them I didn't feel good yesterday and today I'm instantly going out on a mission. That could be it.
"Be careful, dekta." Wands says to me softly.
"Always am." I said forcing a small laugh. "Don't worry guys, I'll be fine. Plus Clint and I make a great duo." I said to them and it's the truth. We were always a great team and could easily take down enemies together.
————————————————————————
That mission was absolutely terrible. Clint and I were very overwhelmed. We should've had at least one more person. Even with my powers and his custom bows we were struggling. I most definitely exerted my powers. I was more exhausted than when I left. I was dirty, my clothes were full of grime and blood. Mainly blood. Half of it was mine and the other half was the team that we fought.
Clint and I are on medical leave while we heal so we won't be going on missions for a while unless absolutely necessary which is what I was thankful for. I needed the rest. When we went inside we stopped in the living room.
"We still make a great team." Clint says and I laugh. "Nat and Wanda are going to kill me aren't they?" He sighed and I chuckled.
"Yup, you better hide now while you still can." I said genuinely laughing. God I haven't laughed like that in weeks and it felt good.
"Get some rest, Alexandria." He says and I gag.
"Don't use my government name." I said pretending to be offended. "How would you feel if I called you Cintword." I said glaring at him and his face just goes neutral.
"That's not my name and you know it." He says and we both burst out laughing.
"I needed to come up with something." I said. "Goodnight, Clint." I said yawning.
"Goodnight, Alex." He said dramatically and I rolled my eyes. When I went further in the living room I saw Wanda and Nat snuggled up on the couch watching the tv. Now I wouldn't think much of it since they said they were having a movie day but they never have a movie day out here. It's either their room or my room. Most of the time I preferred their room. It was cozier. I wondered if they waited up for me. Probably not.
"I see you guys are still up." I said and honestly I really should've just walked right past them. Both girls smile at my voice but their faces fall when they see the state I'm in. They're both quick to my feet and near me in a second.
"Dekta, you're hurt." Wanda says cupping one of my cheeks and observing the gash I had above my eyebrow that went to the side of my face.
"I knew one of us should've joined." Natasha says and I don't know if it's because I'm exhausted and mentally unstable right now but it's like a flipped switch inside of me and I was angry at her words.
"You don't think I can do this?" I snapped at them.
"No, that's not what I meant." Natasha says quickly realizing what she said.
"Then why did it come out of your mouth?" I grit out. "You know what, don't even bother answering. I'm going to bed, or do you not think I can handle that on my own either?" I said annoyed before storming away. I made it to my room unintentionally slamming my door.
I stripped my dirty clothes and changed into a hoodie and sweatpants before putting my sneakers on. I was no longer exhausted instead I was erupting in rage and sadness. I knew there was only one thing I could do to make it better. The one thing I promised myself to leave in the past. I wrap my knuckles for protection and walk out. I stop when Natasha and Wanda are at my door looking extremely guilty. I look up at them and raise a brow.
"Look, Alex I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Natasha says and I sigh.
"We know you're more than capable of handling things on your own but we can't help but be protective over you. We don't want to see you get hurt." Wanda says and I can see her trying to hold back tears. I felt bad for snapping but like I said I was unstable and unraveling by the second.
"Look, I accept your apology because we did actually need another person but the way you said it, that shit still hurt." I said and Natasha widens her eyes. I never curse not even when I'm very badly injured so they know I'm being serious now. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some place to be." I said to them but they didn't move.
"It's 3am." Natasha states.
"Yeah." Is all I said. "Please don't follow me." I said looking down and walking past them. If I were to look in their eyes then I know I would've stayed. But that was more dangerous than what I was about to do.