Work Text:
The pain surged, making the young man double over. A harsh breath escaped him as he leaned heavily on the rickety bed. This had been going on for hours; waking him up from a dead sleep, but it was only getting worse. Fuck fuck fuck fuck– He hadn’t felt anything like this. The only thing even remotely close had been the cramps during his monthlies. Fingers fisted into the thin sheets, face pressed into the pillow as he let out a guttural noise. Breathe, some inner voice whispered, just breathe through it.
Nothing had gone to plan in Cassiopeia Regulus Arcturus Black’s life; not once. From his birth as the “precious daughter” whom his father and mother were more than happy to raise up as the perfect token pureblood wife to the moment he was pushed before the Dark Lord and forced to take a knee at fifteen. His attempt at betrayal, the chance to redeem himself, was no exception.
It’d been six months since he’d last seen Barty, stroking his best friend’s hair as he smoked on the sofa and raved about seven different topics, all vaguely connected in his racing mind. Six months since he’d seen his brother in secret, hoping for some shred of closure; that they’d maybe still care for each other.
Six months since he’d clawed his way out of that seaside cave, choking and shaking, with the locket clutched in his left hand.
Fearing that his plan would be discovered – that the Dark Lord would tear into his mind and find the truth once the Horcrux was found to be missing – Regulus Arcturus Black disappeared without a trace in a single night. No note, no warning, Kreacher sworn to secrecy. He apparated, landing in muggle Manchester and he’d barely been surviving.
And this pain? It made him wonder if he would meet his end right here, in this dingy bedsit that he’d Confunded the land lady into giving to him. One hand dropped to clutch at his belly and he was surprised by how taught the skin felt. The muscles were rock hard, working in tandem with the agony that threatened to envelope him.
Regulus’ mind was racing, trying to think of any semi-rational explanation. Was it his appendix? He remembered when Avery’s burst in the middle of the night. Barty had some wicked bad food poisoning at one point and he’d been in absolute agony, but Regulus didn’t really feel sick. He felt like his back and stomach were on fire. He felt a pressure in his pelvis and –
The pressure gave way suddenly. It wasn’t fully gone, but a burst of hot liquid rushed down his thighs, wetting the hardwood floor that he was kneeled on. His cheeks burned. There was no way that he’d just pissed himself from the pain, right? There was no fucking way. A groan, less of pain and more of disappointment, escaped him. And when the next wave of pain passed, he slowly pushed himself to his feet, trying not to slip in the mess.
He was reaching for his wand, laid on the bedside table, when he saw it: Blood mixed in with the clear fluid on the floor. The sight was enough to make him start, shock freezing time as he stared and tried to make sense. What the actual fuck?
But suddenly something twigged; clicked right into place. It was a puzzle he’d had all the pieces to, but had clearly been trying to shove the pieces into the shape he wanted, not the correct picture.
Another pain brought him out of the daze, forcing him to place both hands on the bed again, just to keep him from toppling over. The pressure was back, even worse than before. His thighs were shaking, breath coming in ragged gasps. Tears were rolling down his cheeks as his trembling hands raised. His thumbs hooked into the band of his sleep pants, shoving them desperately from his body.
There was no way, right? There couldn’t be. Regulus had been on potions when he’d last spent the night with someone. He had barely gained any weight, hadn’t felt anything. But as his left hand moved between his thighs, feeling tenderly at his sore labia, he knew it was actually happening. He was swollen, hot, something was coming out of him.
Okay, now he felt like he was going to be sick. His right hand rose to cover his mouth and he fought to keep breathing.
His mind was thrown back to a few months before he made his journey into the cave. The last night he'd spent with anyone. And before that, had been a dry spell that Barty had been trying to help him break. It was the only possibility.
A night fueled by frustration, longing, and so much firewhiskey. James’ hands on him, his lips on Regulus’ neck as he shoved him into the dark room in the Leaky Cauldron. It had started as an argument; a half hearted congratulations on James’ engagement, a shitty little jab… A reminder from James that it was Regulus who broke them up. That Regulus didn’t have a right to be pissed that he’d moved on.
“Can you really say you’ve moved on, when you’ve got me pinned against the wall?”
James had almost looked surprised, like he didn’t realize he’d backed Regulus up; like his body had acted of its own accord to grab his hips. It was like the dam broke from there and they were dragging each other upstairs, finding an empty room and tumbling in.
Another pain– contraction ripped him back to the present, drawing a swear from the small man. There was barely any time between them, now. Wasn’t labour supposed to last for ages? Why the hell was his body rushing through this like it was a bloody marathon?
Regulus didn’t have much of a choice but to follow his instincts. What few of them he had. He’d never once imagined having children, never thought that he would need to know anything about birth or child rearing. He had to get his pants off the rest of the way, he had to try and get a towel or–
The next contraction was different. It came with a need to bear down. This damned kid was as impatient as his father and that thought made him laugh, almost hysterically. Regulus had a split second to move. He crouched, bracing his back against the bed frame and throwing one arm back on the mattress.
“Oh gods,” his heart felt like it was trying to knock out of his chest as he dropped his hand to cover his entrance. The head was beginning to crown, he could feel hair. The panic really started to hit him. Could he even do this?
“Ohgodsohgodsoh– oh fuck me.”
The next contraction came with the urge, and this time he followed it. Regulus dug his fingers into his mattress and pushed; bearing down with everything he had, body curling with the strain. He felt the baby move, his body erupting in even more pain as he fought to stay up right. His legs threatened to give out and, somewhere in the back of his mind, he really had to wonder why the human race had managed to flourish. How did they manage this when repopulation meant feeling like you were being split in half from your cunt.
Despite how fast labour had progressed, birth felt like it dragged on forever. I can’t do this, I can’t do this… He wanted to stop. Regulus wanted all of this to stop and he wanted to not be a-fucking-lone more than anything. If he could have had anyone here… He wanted the one person he’d always gone running to when he was frightened, who’d sung him to sleep when he woke up from nightmares and cuddled him when the storms raged too loudly for Regulus to sleep.
Regulus wanted his brother; he wanted Sirius here and now more than anything.
Progress stalled, desperate and barely keeping from sobbing, all he could think about was how much he wanted Sirius to be here. Regulus felt something new building as he remembered how safe he’d felt when Sirius wrapped him up in blankets and held him close. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he grit his teeth against the next rolling pain, a broken noise escaping him.
“Sirius– Sirius, p-please. Please I need you…” Even to his own ears, he sounded pathetic, destroyed. But he didn’t have much time to really think about it. There was a flash of light that burst from his chest, silvery and tinged with blue. The illumination in the low-lit room revealed the blood that decorated his thighs, the amount on his hands, and the nearly-born child between his legs. He couldn’t even focus on what the light was, because fear shot through Regulus.
That was so much blood– Was it too much?
Adrenaline brought with it a fresh strength as well as a surge of protectiveness. He may not have known about this child for more than half an hour, but that was his child; and he had to focus, now. Regulus’ hand in the sheets reached for his pillow instead. He brought it to his mouth and bit down on the corner, closing his eyes as he braced for the next wave.
He poured everything he had into the next few moments, his scream muffled by the pillow as he felt something give. Both hands dropped to catch the tiny body as it slipped from him and Regulus brought the baby immediately to his bare chest. A baby, his baby. And they weren’t breathing.
Panic again. Regulus fumbled, tossing the pillow aside and finally falling to the ground as he dragged his blanket off his bed. He used the blanket to try and wipe the baby’s face and mouth clear, rubbing his free hand up and down its back vigorously.
“Come on, baby– Come on.” Regulus’ voice was all that broke the silence. What the fuck did he do?
Desperate, Regulus opened the baby’s mouth and dragged the corner of the blanket around, trying to clear out anything that could be obstructing its breathing. He flipped the tiny body in his arms next, laying them on their stomach with the head slightly lower. He patted the little back as firm as he dared to be with a baby.
Please, please, please. Don’t do this. Take a breath, cry, scream, anything.
The silence stretched.
And stretched
Before finally being broken by a wet hack. A tiny, shuddery gasp. A wail.
And Regulus sobbed with his child.
Turning them, Regulus finally raised them enough to see. A tiny little boy, scrunched and covered in drying blood and waters, with the angriest little hamster face that he had ever seen. And he was fucking perfect. He brought the baby back to his chest, tucking a clean (ish) section of blanket around him.
“Dramatic little thing, a-aren’t you?” Regulus breathed, giving a tearful laugh. He let his eyes close and his head fall back against the mattress. “It runs in the Black family, mon coeur… That’s it, that’s it, we can cry together, yeah? Let me hear you. Papa has you. Papa has you…”
A moment of bliss; of his endorphin, relief, and adrenaline addled brain telling him that it was okay. It was okay to breathe and lay back. He wanted more than anything to just curl up and pass out for as long as he could. But, that wasn’t possible just yet. He was still in pain, still had to deal with the umbilical and Merlin knew what came next.
He was sitting up a little straighter, grasping his wand finally when he heard it. The jiggling of his door knob. Desperate and insistent, the knocking came next. Fuck. Had someone heard? Fear had his poor heart racing again. He kept silencing charms up at all times. Had that burst of magic alerted someone? He raised his wand, moving as gingerly as he could to try and hide himself. Regulus didn’t make it far. And the baby was still crying his little heart out.
The door was blasted open, wood cracking against the force of the spell. Regulus ducked his head below the bed, shielding himself and the little bundle in his arm. Whoever it was, they didn’t step foot inside. There were no rushed movements, not even another spell. But, after just two beats, there was a trembling call.
“Reg?”
It was a voice that Regulus couldn’t have forgotten if he tried. The voice of his big brother, who had raised him up, scolded him, told him those comforting stories and sang so softly. Tears that had only barely stopped sprung forward again, Regulus’ lower lip wobbling as he shifted, sending another little shock of pain up through his core.
But his head rose above the bed, wand still brandished just in case, and met his brother’s eye for the first time in half a year.
“Sirius?”
The look on his brother’s face shifted; unsure, shock, horror, and realization, all mixing into a furious storm on familiar features. Sirius ran into the room, ready to pull Regulus up and into his arms, until he saw the scene. Sirius froze, that horrified look returning. Regulus was sure that he didn’t process much beyond the blood for a solid minute.
At least, until the newborn let out another little noise. Sirius’ blue eyes snapped from the mess on the floor to the blanket drawn tight around Regulus’ chest.
“What the fuck– Reg, what the fuck?!”
“... Surprise?”
Regulus wasn’t really used to getting a withering look from Sirius of all people, normally he was the one glowering at his brother’s stupid antics. The younger sibling managed a weak chuckle, leaning his head back against the mattress.
“Be a lamb and f-fetch a towel out of the cupboard, yeah?”
The next few minutes were more or less a blur. The request sprung Sirius into action; repairing the door, finding towels, getting a bowl of hot water, a clothes pin… Regulus felt foolish asking what that was for, but Sirius only gestured to the baby. “Gotta cut the cord, right? Pretty sure you’re supposed to tie it or clamp it or somethin’.”
“Oh… Yeah, right.” He carefully revealed the babe, watching Sirius’ face soften as he leaned in closer.
“Hello, little star.” Sirius whispered to the newborn. He reached out, hesitantly, like the pair might disappear if he actually touched them. Regulus said nothing, but leaned into his brother’s chest, giving a relieved little whine. Maybe Sirius wasn’t the only one who was afraid this was some delusion. But the shoulder his face was mushed into was real, as were the arms that wrapped around him so tightly. Sirius gave a shuddering breath, sniffling against his hair in a way that Regulus might have teased him about if they were in any other situation.
“ ‘M never lettin’ you go again, Reg.” Sirius’ voice was thick with emotion, muffled against his brother’s sweaty curls. Regulus could only bring himself to nod. He wanted that; he didn’t want this loneliness, this fear. He never wanted it. This had been the only way Regulus knew how to operate for so long. His candle was burned; either side of the wick smoldering and met in the middle. He couldn’t do this any more. Especially not with a little life depending on him now.
The Both brothers acted on autopilot, working to clean Regulus and the baby up before they focused on anything else ( watching Sirius make faces at the afterbirth was almost comical ). Regulus tried to take the dampened towel from Sirius, but he waved him off.
“You shouldn’t be moving a ton, Reg… I think. I’ve got it.” Regulus was too tired to be worried about his brother seeing him nude. For once, there were no jokes, nothing but silence as Sirius swiped at his skin and then lifted him to the bed. What really surprised Regulus, were the healing spells Sirius cast. They were solid, well structured. The bleeding stemmed and some of the ache dulled. He cast a little questioning glance at Sirius, who only offered a shrug at first.
“Remus is clumsy. Always got himself hurt in school.” Sirius hummed as he grabbed the clean blanket and draped it over Regulus. “Someone had to learn and look out for him, or he would have been mummy wrapped in the Hospital Wing half of his life.” It was plausible enough, and Regulus wasn’t really interested in prying any deeper. He just adjusted the baby and leaned back against his pillow with a short nod.
He wasn’t sure if he should have been surprised or not, but he was incredibly grateful when Sirius climbed up the bed to lie with him. There was no hesitation in tucking up close to his big brother and even less so in the way he was wrapped up in an embrace again. Here and now, with Sirius and even with the unexpected child laid on his chest, Regulus felt more safe than he had in months. Quite possibly years if he was honest.
There were a few quiet moments; contemplation, processing… Maybe both were a little traumatized from the whole event. But finally, when Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of his head, Regulus asked.
“How did you find me?”
Sirius shifted so he could meet his brother’s eyes, brows furrowing over nearly matching blues. “You called me.” He said simply, rubbing a hand over his shoulder. “I’ll always come when you call. Thought I was goin’ a bit mad, at first. You–” Sirius’s voice stopped abruptly, struggling with how he wanted to proceed.
“We all thought you dead.” He admitted, reaching to run his fingers through Regulus’ drying curls. “You just… Left. Mother and father had people searching for you, for a while. Andromeda said that Narcissa and Bellatrix both have seemed… Lost.” Regulus was a little surprised as Sirius rambled for a moment. It was the closest Sirius had ever come to admitting that he still kept tabs on the family. His heart ached for the way they had once been; cousins all close, Bella mothering him and Cissa while Andy and Sirius ran wild across the grounds. There was so much to miss… So much regret.
“... You never told me I was your patronus, Reggie Roo.” Regulus tuned back into the conversation in just enough time to catch that comment, that stupid grin on his brother’s face. “Or, at least. That dog looked a hell of a lot like Padfoot. Didn’t think you loved me that much. How embarrassing for you.”
“I didn’t know.” Regulus answered honestly, eyes falling to focus on his wee bab. He was still an angry and smushed looking hamster face, but at the least he was cuter cleaned up. The babe seemed content to rest against his father’s chest, breathing steady. “I’ve never cast a patronus before… It just sort of happened.”
Regulus supposed it made sense. He’d been desperate, in pain, thinking back on some of his happiest memories. He’d only been able to cast an incorporeal patronus back in school, and he’d given up hope of achieving that again after his first killing curse.
Sirius’s face grew a little more solemn as he considered his brother’s words, humming lightly and raising his hand to rub against the back of his nephew. “Huh… Well, regardless, it was Padfoot, for sure. And the magic signature was so strong, I was able to track you here.” That probably wasn’t going to cause him any problems, right? Regulus lifted his hand up to cover his eyes. He didn’t think anyone would still be searching for him.
“Reg?” Sirius’ tone shifted enough that Regulus dropped his hand to look up at him. It was lost, concerned, and so genuinely hurt. And Sirius’ features matched his voice; gone was the front of the easy going and unshakeable big brother. Only one word followed his moniker. “Why?”
Regulus couldn’t have stopped himself, even if he wanted to. He told Sirius everything. He watched his brother’s face twist in horror when he spoke of the Dark Lord and the things Regulus had done as a death eater, of the threat of pain and the punishments he had received for not meeting the Dark Lord’s standards. The very mention of horcruxes ( “Plural?!” ) had Sirius looking down right ill.
Then talking of that night, of nearly drowning, of the nightmares that followed for weeks of cold, dead hands dragging him under… Sirius had sat up and he pulled Regulus into the space between his legs, the baby in one arm, and the other wrapped tightly around his baby brother.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius finally asked, the emotion still clinging to his voice. “Regulus, I could have helped.”
“Because if something happened to you, the world would have lost something good.” Regulus replied softly. “You have so many people who care about you. You’re not marked and following some mad man. I would have just been one less of his puppets to be used.”
“The world would have been destroyed with out you, Reg. It was destroyed, actually. My world. James’ world.”
Regulus stiffened a little when James was mentioned, hesitantly looking up at Sirius. “James?”
“Yeah. He joined in the search for you, y’know? Broke down. Ended up calling it quits with Evans because he couldn’t bear it. Well, the wedding was on hold for a while, you know? Then it just… It got real clear they were splitting.” Sirius looked at his nephew as the baby let out a little yawn, curling himself a little tighter in the towel he’d been wrapped in. The proud uncle cracked a smile at the babe before looking back at Regulus.
Regulus… didn’t really know how to process that information. He’d only severed his ties with James because of the mark. When his family had backed him into taking it, he knew that he was no longer any good for James. He was perfect, golden, and Regulus would be forever tainted, on the wrong side of the war and history. James deserved more than a killer, deserved more than someone weak enough to bend at the knee for someone like Voldemort. It seemed like a simple enough choice. And the right choice.
Knowing that James still held that much affection for him, that he’d gone out searching and imploded a potentially happy relationship for him… It didn’t feel as good as Leaky Cauldron Regulus had thought it would.
“So uh… What about the mini you, here? He got a name?” Regulus glanced up at Sirius, then reached to take the baby’s tiny hand in his own.
“Would you believe I didn’t have a fucking clue about him until an hour ago? So uh… Name in process.” Sirius’ loud laugh shouldn’t have made Regulus as happy as it did.
“Nah, that sounds like you.” Sirius said, affectionately. “You never could just do shite normally, could you? Always messy, always dramatic. But you get through.” He looked thoughtful as his eyes flitted between the father and son pair, giving Regulus a little squeeze. “But, you aren’t doing this shit alone, anymore.” The air of finality should have irritated him, but instead, Regulus just turned his attention away from the baby and fully back to his brother.
“You’re gonna rest up. Then, I’m gonna get you both to my flat. We can get in contact with the Order for protection and healers for you both, and get Little Star registered all proper…” Sirius shifted, helping Regulus lay back. “Maybe, when you’re feeling up to it, you can get James out of his funk. Either way, Brother’s got you now. You’ve done more than enough Reg. You’ve popped out a kid and may have just turned this whole war around.”
Pride. There was pride in Sirius’ voice as he spoke, and that settled any resentment at being told what to do. Because Regulus wanted Sirius to be proud of him more than anything. He cast a grateful look at his brother as Sirius helped him settle; as he fluffed the pillow and dragged the blanket up over him. Finally, Regulus let the exhaustion take hold.
“Yeah… I think that all sounds great.” He admitted, letting his eyes close. Well, if Regulus was coming clean about everything…
“James would probably be a good first step. Seeing as that’s his baby.”
“... I fucking knew it.”