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Early January brought the sound of snow thudding against cheap motel windows. Early January brought harsh wind rattling the rusted pipes outside of the building (which made the tap taste like ass and snow according to Josh). It brought late nights touring and sharing beds with his crew.
Tyler loved the winter; the sting of the cold, warm overpriced coffee, scarves, puffy jackets, and more excuses for big, swampy hugs. It brought solace in a difficult life. Right now, Tyler was content for the first time in what felt like months. Thank God for winter.
He stared at the ceiling fan above the small, squeaky bed, lying flat on his back. The dusty wooden blades continuously span, creaking obnoxiously; the hotel staff must’ve set it too high. Tyler drowned out the sounds. He was too busy feeling okay for once to care. Never faltering, the ceiling fan circled. Round and round. Tyler lay in bed, admiring the sight. Although janky, it didn’t stop going. It never gave up on its purpose. It kept spinning.
Tyler-mother-fucking-Joseph was gonna keep spinning.
He smiled to himself, his gaze unwavering. This is who he was supposed to be, he knew it. God led him here, finally, to show him who he was. He was where he was meant to. The pieces were together. As cheesy as it was, it made him feel good.
He didn’t wish to change anything. He never wished he never ran onto oncoming traffic during college, never wished he didn’t open up his wrists and find ecstasy in the numbing sight of red leaking down the veins protruding from under his skin. Those, although in the moment felt out of place, led him to be where he was. Those scars across his torso—covering the underside of his pecs, above the waistband on his sweatpants bordering his hips, the ones on his forearms—those were all part of him. Proof he made it.
Though he knew this wasn’t the end; there was no end until he was in the ground. He would never stop hurting, for he was he. Sickly at times, and at others, robust. He was always too high or too low—no, he shouldn’t say too— he was always excessively high or excessively low— but that was okay. He simply was just a lot. There wasn’t enough room in his body for his passions, his words, his thoughts at times.
He used to try to carve the too much out of his skin. But he was older now. Smarter. Now, he puts the too much on the page, into the chords, spits the too much into his microphone and shares it with the people who don’t have enough.
When that wasn’t enough for him, he had his Josh.
The pipes shut off with a start from the small room directly in the corner of the motel room. Josh came out in his jeans and a baggy La Dispute band t- shirt. He had found it deep into the Clearance bins at the local Spencer’s.
It was a memorable day—Josh thought about it a lot. Tyler had audibly gasped at the array of adult toys in the back, gone red, and slowly backed out while Josh cackled like a child, the pure laughter rattling against the back of his throat. They had gotten lunch, shared a 7-11 Slurpie, and fell asleep on Josh’s couch watching Breaking Bad for the fourth time.
Jodh shook the wetness out of his hair like a dog, flinging droplets of water all over the thin walls. He looked at Tyler almost sentimentally, a soft smile present on his face. His grin reminded Tyler of their Breaking-Bad-cuddle-session. What a softie Josh was, Tyler thought.
“You gonna just lie there staring at that ancient-ass fan all night?” Josh huffed, though there was no malice in his voice; it was more genuine of a question than anything.
Tyler smiled, not moving. “It’s got good rhythm, y’know. Creak, creak, creak,” he mimicked the sound of the fan.
Josh sat up and clamped a hand over Tyler’s mouth, looking him in the eyes with a false stern expression. “Dude,” he scoffed, a soft giggle passing through his mirage. “Shut up.” His hand slowly led down Tyler’s chin to his bottom lip. Josh caressed it and pinched his chin.
Tyler bit down on Josh’s palm, and he squealed and jumped.
“Fuck you!” Josh gasped, stifling a laugh. Tyler, on the other hand, was having a field day, giggling and covering his mouth. Josh just swatted him.
A comfortable silence settled in the room, both boys lying together and smiling.
“Y’know, J,” Tyler started, “I’ve felt, like, okay lately. Like really okay.”
Josh’s brows creased. “Are you… y’know, manic?” he asked carefully, taking Tyler’s hand and rubbing his thumb over his knuckles.
“No, I’m not manic.” Tyler let out a snort of laughter when Josh sighed in relief and sunk deeper into the mattress. “Geez, you worry too much, Josh.”
“Because I care about you, you dick,” he stuck his tongue out. “Are you, y’know, taking your meds?”
“Yes, mom,” he said with an eye roll. He mumbled something about Josh pestering him.
Taking meds had always made Tyler feel controlled and dehumanized. The snap of the capsule opening was a reminder of how dependent he was on outside forces to be deemed okay.
He put his pills into a decorative pill organizer. It had swans and plush pink roses across it. In a way, it was similar to the pattern of his mother’s old purse from his childhood; it comforted him. Made him feel more real when he took them.
“You know, you do look fuller,” Josh smiled, his hand tracing down to the other boys’ tummy. “Good to see some Tyler Tummy up in this bitch. The meds are working.”
“Way to call me fat,” Tyler joked. He truly loved his new build; he felt alive.
Josh trailed his calloused fingertips against the thin, raised scars under the skin of Tyler’s hips. The new fat on his bones helped hide the scars better.
“You’ve seen the ugly parts of me,” Tyler muttered, staring up at the ceiling fan. “You don’t seem to mind, do you?”
“Ugly isn’t the right word,” Josh said, resting his head against Tyler’s stomach. “Maybe the hurting parts of you.”
“You’re the only one to see my core and not leave,” Tyler laughed, hollow.
“There is no core,” Josh said. His breath was warm against Tyler’s flesh. “There is no overarching principle of your being, Tyler. You’re made up of everything around and inside of you; the parts you show and the parts you don’t.”
Tylers fingers found Josh’s curls—dampened from the shower— and he toyed with them. He stared up at the ceiling fan. Round and round.
“I like all of the pieces of you,” Josh smiled. “Because they make up you. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met, Ty, you-you’re so abnormal. You can’t vacuum because of the sound it makes. You write music all night and guzzle copious amounts of Red Bull. You eat Macaroni with ketchup. You’ve watched Donnie Darko 36 times in the past year. You’re so enthralling, so-so rapturing, and I just can’t get enough. You’re twenty four years worth of experience, twenty four years of hardship and learning and discovery, and it’s so fucking beautiful Tyler. You’re the reason God made the world the way it was. You’re the embodiment of authenticity.”
Tyler stared up at the ceiling.
Oh, how it felt to be loved.
A new record spinning, sweater paws in the winter, pink and orange sunsets, chocolate mocha coffee, Beanie Boos and old furnaces. The roots of trees.
It was love.
“You’re gonna ruin me if you keep saying shit like that,” Tyler chuckled. Not hollow, not full of humor; simply full in itself. Of what, he wasn’t sure. This wasn’t unfamiliar, but it wasn’t exactly familiar either. “Shut up.”
“Not ruin, my man,” Josh chuckled, smooshing his cheek against Tyler’s tummy. “Building you up.”
“It’s working.” His hand fell from Josh’s hair down to his cheek, and his eyes finally met with Josh’s. “Cornball.”
A scaling synth, used shirts from Goodwill, canine teeth, smudged oil pastels. Frizzy knit sweaters and chewed up pens.
Warmth blossomed through—no, out of— Tyler’s chest, corroding his body and ridding him of a vessel. Nothing but love and warmth lay where he rested in bed.
“Can we stay like this for a little longer?” Tyler asked softly.
“Forever,” Josh quickly answered.
Tyler wasn’t sure where his body ended and Josh began. There was skin, yes, but it felt like fog—thin, suspended, glowing. Every curl of Josh’s that brushed past Tyler’s skin sent little pricks of confirmation that, yes, this perfect boy chose to use him as a pillow.
“You played well tonight,” Josh smiled. “Shitty venue though. Hot as hell.”
“Don’t butter me up,” Tyler giggled, sitting up and resting his head back onto the oak bed frame. “It was warm as hell in there though, yeah.”
Josh laid his head onto Tyler’s lap, his cheek tickling against the hair of Tyler’s thighs; it seemed he, too, was desperate for contact. “You and your pretty voice.”
Tyler looked down at Josh, cheeks warm from the compliment. “Y’ure flirting with me!” He let out a soft huff of laughter.
“Am not!” Josh’s face mirrored Tyler—warm and flustered—but it was more evident; he was much paler.
“Go find a girl to flirt with,” Tyler kid.
“I’ll have you know all the ladies want me,” Josh huffed.
Tyler just let out a snicker, deep from his chest and rattling in his throat. “Fending them off with a stick, yeah?”
“Absolutely,” Josh played along. He just wanted the chance to revel in Tyler’s laughter again. “Tryna get into my pants all of the time, bro!”
Tyler covered his mouth, giggling and biting into his palm. “Dude.”
“Okay, okay.” Josh snorted in laughter into Tyler’s thigh. “Y’know, I’ve never actually really been with anyone,” he slipped.
Tyler’s laughter slowed. He stared down at Josh in awe. “Really?” He asked, his voice shaky and snapping in half. He silently reeled in embarrassment.
Josh realized what he had admitted, and his face flushed red. “Well, I, uh, yeah, no, I guess I haven’t,” he chuckled dryly. Tyler didn’t respond, his eyes still wide, and he groaned. “I’m embarrassed now!”
“No, no, don’t-don’t be embarrassed,” Tyler shook his head. “I just… how?” He tilted his head like a dog, his eyes slant and staring into Josh’s soul as if searching for the answer.
“How what?” Josh chuckled nervously.
“How have you not been laid?”
Josh opened his mouth to speak, but closed it. “I’m just… saving myself.”
“For marriage?”
“For the right person,” Josh corrected, looking into Tyler’s still shocked eyes. There was no response from the other.
“I haven’t either,” Tyler admitted. “Been with anyone, I mean.”
Josh mirrored Tyler’s surprise. “How haven’t you been laid?” he laughed. He gave Tyler a look up and down, glazing over his figure.
“Saving myself,” Tyler responded.
“For the right person?” Josh asked.
“For marriage,” he admitted.
“Oh,” Josh’s smile faltered. “Really?”
“I mean…” Tyler hesitated, biting his lip. “I was.”
“Were?” Josh’s eyebrows scrunched in slight confusion. “Past tense…?”
“I’ve always been afraid of intimacy,” Tyler admitted, picking at the seams of his sweatpants nervously. “I uh…” he hesitated, biting his lip. “I mean, when i was younger, I wouldn’t really even like, touch myself. I felt guilty I guess. Like God was judging me.”
He took a deep breath and pulled a thread a little too hard on his waistband, causing it to scrunch up around his hips. He just sighed and left it there.
“I guess maybe I’ve grown a bit,” he said, allowing himself to be proud. “I don’t need someone else’s depiction of God to allow me to be intimate with someone. I’m ready when I know I am.”
Josh waited to respond. He just looked into Tyler’s deep gaze. There was a look of pride in Josh’s eyes; he was proud.
“You’re smart, Tyler,” Josh said softly. “Smarter than you give yourself credit for.”
Tyler just smiled, his brows furrowed and eyes soft. Instinctively, his hand found the side of Josh’s cheek, and he twirled and brushed his coils. He could feel how warm Josh’s face grew against the back of his palm, but Tyler refrained from saying anything as to not embarrass him.
“Tyler?” Josh’s voice caught in his throat, and it came out trembling and forced. He gulped down his nerves and avoided eye contact.
“Yeah, J?”
“I think…” Josh paused, trying to gather his words. “I think if it’s you, I don’t wanna wait anymore.”
Tyler froze up. Everything felt dry, as if Josh’s words were suspended in the air and soaking in all of the moisture like a sponge. “Uh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “Like uh… sex? Or whatever?”
“I mean, uh, well,” Josh fidgeted with Tyler’s shirt sleeve, trying not to run outside and run onto oncoming traffic, “It doesn’t have to be sex, just...”
Tyler stammered for a moment, sitting up and leaning onto his trembling elbows. “How? I- I mean, I’ve watched gay porn, I—actually, forget I said that—God, I shouldn’t have said that, oh, God-“
“Tyler,” Josh interrupted.
“-I’m not even gay, Josh, dude! I-I guess I wouldn’t be opposed to uh, sleeping with you, but I ain’t sticking anything up my butt, and I-“
“Tyler!”
Tyler leaned back down and stared up at the ceiling. “…Yeah?”
“When have we ever done things the traditional way?” Josh took Tyler’s hand into his two, calloused ones. His voice cracked, but he attempted to stay composed. “Our music—yeah, our music! One-one drummer and one singer. That’s what we are, right? And that’s not how it’s usually done, is it?”
“I guess not, no,” Tyler sighed. He shifted awkwardly, grazing his knee against Josh’s unintentionally. It shot a shiver up his spine.
“What about Car Radio? The structure of that song is all fucked, right? And it’s a fan favorite.”
“Yeah, yeah…”
“So?” Josh rubbed over the back of Tyler’s hand delicately.
“…So?”
“Intimacy can be what we make of it, right?” Josh smiled hopefully. “We don’t have to have sex, Tyler. Why don’t we just experiment? Try it our way?”
Tyler couldn’t say no to those eyes. “I guess if it’s you, I-I can try,” he said.
Josh shifted upwards, sitting up fully and wiggling his way closer to Tyler. Face to face, they stared nervously at one another. “Slowly, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Tyler breathed. “Slow.”
Carefully, Josh leaned into Tyler’s neck, lips hovering over his temple. He could feel the quick pound of Tyler’s heart beneath his mouth.
“120… no, 130 bpm?” Josh said softly, his breath warm against Tyler’s skin.
“Huh?” Tyler shivered, his voice cracking slightly.
“Your heartbeat.” He laughed nervously and lifted his head to face Tyler again. “130 beats per minute.”
“Yeah, I know what bpm means, you jerk,” Tyler rolled his eyes, placing his hand on the back of Josh’s neck. He muttered something under his breath about Josh and his stupidly good drumming abilities.
Josh ducked his head into the crater of Tyler’s neck, his downward curved nose nuzzling into the other’s shoulder. He felt just how much Tyler tensed up under him.
“You okay with this?” He asked carefully, his hand now trailing down Tyler’s clothed spine.
“Y-uh, yeah,” Tyler nodded eagerly, dizzying himself. “S’good, I think.”
Josh tilted his head to the side. “You think?”
“This- this feels right, but… I feel like I’m not supposed to be doing this,” Tyler shrugged, tugging at Josh’s curls to ease himself.
“If it feels right, then it is right, okay?” Josh took Tyler’s hand from his hair and held it. “But… but tell me if I need to stop. Or slow down. Okay?”
“Okay,” Tyler squeezed his hand, “Alright. I can do that.”
Slowly, nervously, Josh pressed his lips against the flesh above Tyler’s collarbone. He held them there for just a moment before detaching, making a soft pop sound. He looked up to gauge Tyler’s reaction; pink cheeks, furrowed brows, and a bit lip. Josh’s breath hitched in his throat.
“You-you look good,” he forced out.
“Good?” Tyler repeated quietly. “Good. T-thanks, dude. You look, uh, good too.”
Josh lowered his head back and kissed his neck, holding Tyler up in place. “Don’t call me ‘dude’ when I’m kissing on your neck, bro,” he chuckled softly.
“You just called me bro,” Tyler countered, his shoulders tensing up yet again. Josh rubbed his arm with his thumb to try to ease him up; it backfired, and he tensed further.
“Whatever,” Josh mumbled, kissing the spot above Tyler’s Adam’s Apple. He moved patiently and slowly, trying to gauge what spots made Tyler react more.
“Mmph—Lemme try.” Tyler shifted and cupped Josh’s face, pushing his head out of the way slightly to reach his neck. Josh just chuckled and let him. “This is stupid,” he muttered, planting a kiss against Josh’s jawline.
His lips were plush, puffier than Josh’s; Josh always found himself staring at them by accident. Pink and cute, and right now, all over his neck. It felt good, like a dog being pet and praised, and it made his breathing come out ragged and shallow.
“Breathe,” Tyler hummed, his voice vibrating against Josh, “S’okay.” Testing the waters, his hand found Josh’s hip, and he found himself rubbing his side through his shirt. “This alright?”
“Uh huh. Keep-keep doing that,” Josh nodded.
“Noted.”
And so, with Josh’s word, he kept his hand there, tracing circles with his thumb through the thin fabric of his shirt. Josh shivered and leaned into the contact, enjoying the warmth it brought him. The flutter in his chest was welcome—no, much more than just welcome—and slowly, he found himself wanting more.
Tyler parted his lips further, kissing hotter, wetter, against Josh’s neck, growing more daring. Gripping his hip just a bit tighter. Leaning onto him just a bit harder.
“Josh,” he breathed, almost panted, onto Josh’s neck, “This feels… this feels really good.”
“Mhm,” Josh gasped out. “Just don’t stop.”
Tyler’s fingers wiggled under the tight waistband of Josh’s jeans, and he toyed with the rings of fabric holding his belt in place. Josh huffed out a soft moan involuntarily, and in a fit of embarrassment, he clasped a hand over his mouth.
“No,” Tyler muttered breathlessly, “S’okay, man.” He reached up and dragged Josh’s hand away. “Just not too loud. Mark’s next door.”
Josh groaned. “Oh God, dude. Mark’s gonna hear us and kick our asses.”
“The reason we’re in this situation in the first place is you,” Tyler scoffed, tugging at Josh’s pants and pulling him forward. He leaned in again, desperate for contact, and pressed his lips back against Josh’s jawline. He teethed at the skin below his ear, nipping and biting hard enough to make Josh jolt slightly.
“Ty-ah, Tyler,” Josh gasped out, now gripping at Tyler’s shoulders and digging his nails into his skin. “Oh, God, s’good..”
Tyler winced against Josh’s neck, digging his nails under his pants and scratching at the skin of his hips. He moved to straddle his hips, sinking down on Josh’s lap and pressing their chests together. Tyler’s nails traced small shapes along Josh’s hips, feeling the warmth beneath his fingertips. After pressing a lingering kiss against Josh’s jawline, he moved down to the curve of his neck, lips and teeth teasing, hands now roaming down Josh’s back. Josh arched into him instinctively, fingers tangling in Tyler’s hair, holding him closer.
“Jesus,” Josh gasped out. “Kiss me on the lips already, for fucks sake.”
Eagerly and incredibly impatiently, Josh grabbed Tyler’s chin and pulled him into a slow, careful kiss. His eyes fluttered shut and he eased into it, his arms wrapping loosely around Josh’s neck. He tasted like mint toothpaste and cannabis on Tyler’s lips, and he found himself craving the odd blend of flavor, because it wasn’t just any flavor, it was Josh’s. Every moan that rolled off of Tyler’s lips fell into Josh’s mouth, and he swallowed each one as if lapping them up.
“Mmph… there’s spit all over my face,” Josh muttered into Tyler’s mouth, wiping his chin with his hand.
Tyler cupped his face and wiped it for him. “My bad,” he chuckled breathlessly, kissing the corner of Josh’s lips. It was a little too romantic. Josh, however, liked it.
“Nah, it-it’s good,” He shook his head, kissing Tyler’s lips completely. “Kinda hot.”
“Hot, huh?” Tyler snickered. “Me getting your face all spitty and gross is hot?”
“Shut it!” Josh blushed, huffing his words into Tyler’s mouth. “Don’t be cruel.”
Tyler’s nose crinkled up dramatically. “That comment was cruel.”
Josh rolled his eyes and kissed him, his teeth slightly catching on Tyler’s bottom lip. “You’re so mean to me.”
Tyler kissed him back, flushing their chests together and cupping Josh’s cheek. “You love me.”
“I do,” Josh said full heartedly.
“You do?”
“A little,” Josh shrugged, suddenly feeling nervous. Did the room get hotter? “That okay?”
“Yeah,” Tyler smiled at Josh’s bashfulness, kissing the tip of Josh’s nose. “Love you too.”
“You do?” Josh tilted his head.
“A little,” Tyler mirrored, giggling into Josh’s mouth. He parted his lips and kissed him yet again, soft and unhurried. He was more level headed now, and he wanted to savor the moment. Savor the taste of Josh on his lips.
One of Josh’s hands found Tyler’s hair and he cradled the back of his head delicately, kneading at the soft tufts. He deepened the kiss, nipping at Tyler’s already swollen bottom lip. His free hand trailed down Tyler’s back to the rim of his shirt, silently asking if he could take it off.
In one swift motion, Tyler tore his shirt clean off, tossing it on the carpeted floor. He leaned back, showing off his tan stomach and his protruding hips. A small trail of hair led down to his sweatpants, and Josh was really wanting to know what it led to.
“You’re staring at me,” Tyler blushed. “I’m nervous.” He stared down at his own chest.
“You-you’re beautiful, Ty,” Josh reassured. “Can I… touch?”
“Uh, yeah,” Tyler nodded timidly. “Please.”
Josh ran his fingers down Tyler’s chest. He needed to feel down every part of this perfect boy. He held both of Tyler’s sides, caressing the smooth tan skin with his thumbs. He couldn’t fathom how this gorgeous man was untouched. Tyler was his to spoil, his to treat.
“Y’know,” Josh started, a shy smirk on his face, “I did touch a girl’s boob once in high school.”
Tyler looked him dead in the eye and let out a loud cackle, his head tossing back. Josh just smiled and listened intently to Tyler’s giggles as if trying to memorize the pretty sound.
“A-a boob, huh?” Tyler panted out. “That’s it?”
“Yes, Tyler, a boob,” Josh huffed, trying to draw more laughter out of him.
Tyler giggled, pressing his chest to Josh’s clothed one. “I’m sure you were awestruck.”
“Sure was,” Josh snorted, wrapping his arms around Tyler’s waist.
“Unfortunately I do not have boobs, so you’ll have to work with my manly pecs.”
“Guess I’ll have to,” Josh sighed jokingly, taking Tyler’s pecs into his hands and squeezing them. “Close enough.”
“Take ‘em or leave ‘em, my bro.”
“Oh, I’ll take ‘em,” he chuckled, struggling to get his own shirt off. He finally tore it off from where it was stuck on his head and threw it where Tyler’s was. “There. Now we’re both shirtless.”
“Now what?” He shifted on Josh’s lap, his thighs closed in on the outside of Josh’s.
“We… touch each other?” Josh shrugged. Without hesitation, Tyler pounced back onto Josh, capturing his lips quickly and cradling the back of his head. He shifted his hips and his groin accidentally dragged against Josh’s, resulting in an obscene rumble from the back of Josh’s throat.
“Holy shit,” Tyler gasped out, reveling in the shiver that had shot up his spine. Suddenly, he felt heat travel through his body down to his lap.
“Tyler,” Josh drawled. His head tossed back and he gripped and tugged at Tyler’s hair. “How-how’d you do that? Do that again.”
Tyler nodded drowsily. Once, he rutted against Josh’s lap, pushing him hard against the bed frame. They both writhed against each other, gripping at cloth and skin to keep themselves grounded. He ground again. Then again.
He found a steady rhythm to stick with, slowly pressing their clothed dicks together. Tyler’s lap grew warm and hard against Josh’s. He was slick with sweat, the room suddenly feeling incredibly humid. His limbs felt restless, wanting—no, needing to touch Josh.
“Josh,” he grunted out, “Let me take your jeans off.”
“Huh?” Josh muttered lazily, lost in a haze of pleasure. His pupils were blown and his lip was bitten raw. Tyler groaned and practically tore Josh’s belt off, throwing it to the ground and struggling to get the button detached from his jeans. With Josh’s help, he finally got the zipper down, and he shimmied the jeans off of Josh’s legs. Tyler stared down at his work; the very, very painfully obvious tent in Josh’s boxers.
“Uh… woah.” Tyler reached his fingers out to touch it, but quickly retracted, looking into Josh’s eyes for permission.
“Oh,” Josh’s eyes widened, and he covered his mouth in embarrassment. “Oh god.”
“No, no,” Tyler shook his head, his voice catching in his throat. “It- it’s good, J. Don’t be embarrassed.”
Tyler wiggled off from Josh’s lap, sitting on his knees slightly uncomfortably. He stuck out two fingers and slowly traced down Josh’s erection.
“That okay?” Tyler whispered.
“Fuck no,” Josh moaned out, taking Tyler’s hand and pressing it harder against the firm bulge in his boxers. “Not enough.”
Tyler peeled his sweatpants off of his legs and piled them onto their growing heap of clothing.
“I’m gonna, uh, do that thing again,” he chuckled breathlessly, pressing his own hard-on against Josh’s.
“Oh,” Josh mewled, “Oh, Tyler…” He cupped Tyler’s ass with both of his hands and led him up and down slowly, rocking them together. It was even closer than before, even more gratifying.
Tyler cupped his face and latched onto his mouth, his teeth catching onto Josh’s chapped bottom lip. Tyler needed more. He needed to suck up Josh’s soul and keep it for himself, keep it close at all times. Oh, how good Josh made him feel. The thin fabric of their boxers fortunately did little to mask the feeling of their wet, heavy cocks grinding against one another. They were sweaty and burning up, yet they both still desired to be closer and warmer. Tyler let out a filthy whine into Josh’s mouth, his jaw slack and his lips plump and irritated.
Josh’s eyes grew wide, but he regained his composure and ignored the sudden twitching in his boxers. “S’a pretty sound,” Josh choked out, “So pretty for me, yeah?” His fingers were clawing and kneading at Tyler’s ass under his boxers.
“Y’ure losing it,” Tyler muttered, trying not to whimper. “You… you sound pretty too.”
“I… I need these boxers off,” Josh grunted, still dryly humping—well, more so wetly humping—against Tyler. “Need to feel you.”
“I’m not putting anything up my fuckin’ butt,” Tyler shook his head. “Absolutely not.”
“Lemme jerk you off,” Josh whimpered. He rubbed the inside of Tyler’s leg softly, tracing little patterns on it. “I mean—if you want me to?”
Tyler bucked his hips up, letting a soft mewl out. “Yeah, yes-yes please.”
Josh pushed Tyler off from his lap and laid him back, stripping his boxers off. Forgetting to even drop the soaked undergarments, he stared in awe of Tyler’s freed dick. It was as tan as his stomach and curved like his nose, longer than it was wide; stalkier. The tip was a rosy pink; the same pink as his pillowy lips.
“God, even your dick is pretty?!” Josh choked out, looking up to Tyler’s eyes.
“Dude, shut up!” he laughed, his cheeks pink with embarrassment. “Don’t call my penis pretty you weirdo.”
“It’s true,” he shrugged, giggling along and lowering his head to be face to face with the shaft of it.
“Pretty’s another way to say small,” Tyler joked.
“Definitely not small,” Josh said, rubbing Tyler’s naked inner thigh with his thumb. “But it’s pretty. Like a girl’s pretty.” He sat up and cupped some of Tyler’s length and gave it one dry pump.
Tyler let out a slight wince, before his shoulders eased and he let Josh take control. He held Josh’s cheek and traced the side of his head up until his hair. His fingers threaded through Josh’s sweaty curls soothingly, imploring Josh to be slow.
“Sorry. Can I… Can I take my boxers off?” Josh asked shyly.
“Go for it,” Tyler nodded.
Josh kicked off the remnant of his clothing, sitting up straight and looking away nervously. He was wider and paler, but of course, equally hard; to be specific, hard as a rock. Beads of precum formed around the slit of it, and Tyler could see it dripping down the sides.
This was where God had led Tyler; in bed with the prettiest boy alive.
“I see what you meant by pretty now,” he gulped, his voice trembling.
“See?” Josh chuckled, positioning himself between Tyler’s legs which were spread out on the bed. He spat into his palm and held the tip of Tyler’s dick, rubbing over the small slit with his thumb. Tyler choked on a moan and let his head toss back against the bedframe. That was easy, Josh thought. He gave him a slow stroke, slick and warm. A taste of what was to come.
Tyler dropped his head against his own chest and looked up to Josh, his pupils blown black and eyes glossed over. “Josh, let-let me touch you,” he murmured.
“Please,” Josh gasped out, looking down at his own neglected ache.
Tyler attempted to spit in his hand, but his throat was dried up. Whining impatiently, he held his palm up to Josh’s mouth, and he spat in it for him with ease.
“At the same time, yeah?” Josh asked.
“Yeah,” Tyler nodded, wrapping his wet hand around Josh’s shaft. He gave it a soft squeeze before stroking it up and down, leaning in and trapping Josh into a heated kiss. They both crashed their lips together, open mouthed and sloppy as they jerked each other off in between their legs. Tyler flushed their slick chests together and kissed on Josh’s neck, leaving purplish bruises along his collarbone.
Josh’s jaw went slack and he let out a guttural moan, bucking his hips up into Tyler’s hand and relishing in the obscene schlock schlock sounds that filled the room. His chest rose quickly and shortly, and he bit down on his knuckles to mask his cries. He was wrecked, flushed and croaking.
“Hold on,” Tyler rasped out. He took both of their dicks into his hand and pressed them together, both lengths twitching and leaking against one another. It was warm and overstimulating, wet skin against skin. They groaned in sync, grasping onto each other as Tyler pumped once, then twice. He found a steady rhythm, jerking both of them off and rutting their slick skin against one another. Every now and again he twisted and flicked his wrist; mainly to hear Josh cry out in pleasure.
Josh messily rocked into Tyler’s hand, quivering and moaning. He was lessened down to a boneless, whining mess, completely blissed out. His curls clung to his forehead and his face was bright red. Beads of sweat clung to his chest, dripping and leaking down his body. Tyler just pumped faster at the sight.
“Fuck,” Tyler cried out, “Feels so good.” His face was distorted in pleasure, screwed up and crinkled. Although his lips were already chapped and faded, he kept biting at them, leaving them more ruined than before. He felt warm; everywhere, all over, was warm and moist, and the thick, white heat coiling in his chest and grinding against his bones was so close to seeping out.
His hips were sore from rutting and his hand was aching from pumping. Everything hurt, but it hurt so good, and although he was familiar with liking pain, this was different. This was derived from true, unfiltered pleasure, and he needed more. Coming out of his comfort zone was so, so worth it; Josh’s wet dick grinding against him, skin to skin, made him want more than he ever knew he could.
All of the sounds in the room—the creak of the fan, the squeak of the cheap motel mattress beneath them—was drowned out by the ringing in Tyler’s ears. He choked on his own breath more times than he could count, and he was practically panting against Josh’s mouth.
As he rutted, his head tipped over, and he held his head against Josh’s neck. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel filthy—no, not at all—he felt fulfilled—so full, so full of love and pure desire. How had he been missing out on this his entire life? How had him and Josh never discovered this side of each other yet? Because god, this side of Josh made his dick twitch every time he looked up.
Heat broiled in Tyler’s gut, and he found himself struggling to even breathe. “God, oh God, m’so close,” he sobbed out, grinding and jerking their lengths together harder and faster.
“Fuck,” Josh writhed under Tyler’s grasp, rutting into his hand harder. “I-ah, me too.”
“I’m gonna cum,” Tyler whined, his dick pulsing and throbbing against Josh’s. “Oh my God, Josh, fuck, ‘mgonnafuckingcum—“
With that, body tensed up, and every muscle in his body went rigid. Spurts of electricity shot up his body, and the heat in his gut burst out, seeping through his skin, dripping all over his quivering body and boiling through his skin. He bucked his hips recklessly as he spilled all over both him and Josh’s stomachs, making a mess of the bedsheets around them. He heaved and coughed on his own breath, left reeling and blissed.
Josh, on the other hand, had cum a few seconds before Tyler; Tyler had completely blacked out in pleasure and didn’t process any of it. Both of them lay back on the bed, covered in slick and sweat and completely out of it. The room smelled foul; thick with the bitter smell of sex.
Early January usually brought the smell of rain, the snug fit of knit sweaters, and daily trips to local coffee shops. It brought movie nights, cheap popcorn, and excuses to wear sweatpants.
This early January brought Tyler snuggling with his cum-covered, butt ass naked best friend.
He wasn’t complaining.
Maybe change wasn’t all that bad, he thought, holding Josh to his chest and burying his chin into his curls. This was nice. Warm. Neither of them bothered to talk, bothered to clean up; they had their entire lives to figure out what they were to one another. Besides, they could figure out what to tell Mark about the creaking bed and why their backs hurt so much later. Play fighting, maybe? Wrestling or whatever, Tyler thought up.
Right now, in this moment, was where Tyler wanted to stay. He would reside and live in this moment his entire life if he had the chance. He felt so, so content; even more than before. Tyler felt that kind of content anywhere he went with Josh. Josh just brought that kind of warmth everywhere he went, and he had more than enough to share with Tyler. To be fair, Josh would give Tyler all of his warmth if he asked.
But, this moment was ephemeral; bound to end soon. Bound to be forgotten.
Tyler pledged to himself to never forget this moment and the warmth it brought him.
“Does this have to be a one time thing?” Tyler asked.
“Not if you don’t want it to,” Josh reassured, his voice vibrating against Tyler’s chest.
And so, Tyler buried his face into Josh’s curls, letting the creak of the blades of the ceiling fan serenade him to sleep.