Work Text:
Casual Cannibalistic Confusion
Shan Pū glanced worriedly at Akane.
Akane was almost exactly as perplexed.
Ranma was no longer with them, having escaped in a literal blink.
Akane's old room's window, the most probable black-haired girl's escape route, was now suspiciously open.
Neither Akane not Shan Pū were exactly in a perfect position to pursue.
They exchanged another look.
"Did I… say it wrong?"
"No, no, your pronunciation was great," Shan Pū confirmed. "And it's exactly what Lost Boy said it means, I checked."
Akane slapped a hand over her face. "You taught me a dirty phrase you learned from Ryoga?" she groaned out, blushing. "How did he live though teaching you that one?"
"Lost Boy's traveled all over," Shan Pū reasoned, a glint of mischievousness returning to her eyes as she recalled the conversation. "Sure, he didn't love the question, but it was real fun wrangling the answer out of him."
"I'll never understand why you and Ranma insist on tormenting the guy so much." Akane shook her head, picking up her shirt from the edge of the bed and then proceeded to put it back on. "Why didn't you ask Ukyo, instead? Chef's great with English."
"…there's a few little reasons, but mostly it's because it's always hilarious," Shan Pū said and wiggled her eyebrows, "I did practice with Ukyo first. It's not just the language chef's great at!"
Akane sighed. "You're horrible, Shan Pū."
"That's not what chef said," Shan Pū showed Akane her tongue.
Akane hid her face behind her hands again. "Shan Pū!"
"Jealous? I'm up for-"
Akane groaned, interrupting her girlfriend. "I love you, but you can't do that to me now, Ranma just ran away," she said forcefully. "Again! What if she decides it's all too much trouble? What if I'm the one-"
"Maybe she's the one who doesn't know what the words meant," Shan Pū suggested in reply, tone a little more serious. "You know how Ranma is, if she thought you wanted something else, maybe…"
"Yeah," Akane sighed. "It was such a good moment and I got carried away. Sorry for messing it all up."
"It's fine," Shan Pū waved it away, even if her expression grew a little pouty. "You should really think about making use of Ranma's offer, Akane. You know she meant it. This way you're putting her on the spot by waiting for her. It just raises the pressure."
Akane looked down, blushing.
"We all know you want more," Shan Pū pointed at herself. "Ranma was very specific on that, so you don't have to keep playing around the topic! And you can't even use the college campus rules excuse, we're on a vacation!"
"Sorry. I know we're making all this a little difficult for you. I do want… you, but I promised myself… So unless Ranma changes her mind entirely, that's still what I want first."
"Hey, hey, don't pout, I'll stop poking," Shan Pū protested, like a hypocrite she clearly was, nuzzling into Akane's side gently. Her hand found Akane's and their fingers intertwined. "You have to know Ranma loves you the most! She's incapable of staying away from you too long, whatever happens! You're the only one she's fine with holding hands in public!"
Akane barely held herself from calling out Shan Pū's jealousy for what it was. "I know you're trying to help… but this is not the best time and you know it, silly." She gave her girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek, and then slipped out from her embarace, standing up next to the bed. "Still love you."
Shan Pū nodded, and sighed, as she got up to pick up her own dress, to wiggle back into.
"I'll ring Ukyo," Akane said, worry still present in her voice. "Maybe chef's got some ideas where to start looking."
Shan Pū shrugged and followed Akane out of the room.
Instead of following Akane right away, Shan Pū stopped when she noticed Nabiki's door wasn't fully closed.
Shan Pū leaned in, locked eyes with the girl, who was innocently laying on her bed, seemingly just listening to music on a her Discman. Then, Shan Pū pointed at her own eyes and towards Nabiki. "I'm watching you, Mercenary Girl," she said, threateningly.
Akane didn't linger, even if she noticed Shan Pū stayin behind; she was already thundering down the stairs.
Nabiki lifted one side of her headphones up from the closer ear, muffled heavy chords of her music emanating from it. "Did you say something, Shampoo?"
Shan Pū crossed her arms.
"It's my house," Nabiki pointed out from her bed, not bothering to get up. "The deal was no pictures or recordings and you don't catch me listening in."
Shan Pū didn't say anything, continuing to glare.
"Clearly, I was here the whole time. Your little summer English study group isn't that interesting, and don't think I care that much if Ranma puts out or not," Nabiki lied, as if she hadn't bet about that exact thing against Ukyo once before.
"Fine." Shan Pū decided it wasn't worth pushing it. "We'll be heading out in minute, so you can do whatever you want now."
"….Ranma ran again?" Nabiki asked, a barest hint of actual concern in her voice, even as she pretended this was new information for her. "That girl. How's Aka-"
Shan Pū slammed the door to Nabiki's room so hard the wall cracked, and went to catch up to Akane.
Said girlfriend was already crying at the landline phone. "…again, Uchan!" she was saying. "What if-"
Shan Pū sighed, and leaped forward to catch Akane in a strong hug from behind, interrupting her. "I've got her, Ukyo," Shan Pū mumbled into the phone's handset quickly. "I'll try keep her from spiraling the best I can, but we could use your help tonight. Keep an eye out for Ranma, she might run your way."
"Thanks, sugar," Ukyo's muffled voice reached the two of them. "Akane, if you can hear me, stop worrying, Ranchan loves you. It's never gonna change, we all know that!"
Akane mumbled something incomprehensible.
"She's gonna be fine," Shan Pū promised. "Meet at your place in ten minutes, Ukyo? I'll bring Akane."
"That works."
Shan Pū put the phone down, pulled Akane up into a princess carry, and dashed out into the night.
It took them a good while until the three of them actually found Ranma, hiding under the dojo.
It was the little flashlight Ranma used to light her hiding place behind the foundations that gave her away.
Two girls and a chef crouched at the edge of the building, peering into the darkness, where the weak light was illuminating Ranma's worried face. Her eyes glimmered in the darkness, a little catlike.
"Why'd you bring Uchan?" Ranma asked, clearly very nervous about it, before Akane tried any of the usual methods of getting cat brained Ranma to come to her. "I- I didn't agree to what Akane asked, so no! You're the one who told me that I should have boundaries, Uchan!"
Akane hid the cat toy in her pocket and leaned even closer to the ground, putting her head under the Dojo too. "What are you talking about, Ranma?" she asked, in a soft, careful tone of voice. It took her a lot of effort to not add a little pspspspsps sound to that.
"I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding," Ukyo piped in. "Ranchan, if you need more time, no one is gonna be mad at you. I'll make sure they get it, even Shan Pū."
Shan Pū at least had the decency to try and look a little guilty, as much as it was visible in the night.
"And if I never agree to it?" Ranma asked, slowly. "Would that be a deal breaker? You're not gonna leave me alone?"
"Of course it wouldn't be, and we won't leave you," Shan Pū hurried to say. "Sure, I would be a little sad, but if hugs and kisses aren't enough for me… I'm sure Ukyo or Akane would step up for me. But you'd owe me some serious public hand-holding, airen!"
"Shan Pū," Akane whined out, already knowing that it was near impossible to stop Shan Pū from doing what she wanted. "But yes, dummy, we'd be fine with it. The plan to move together is still on. Nothing's changed. Especially over a misunderstanding."
Ranma moved half a step forward.
"You Japanese are such prudes, you're gonna combust when we actually get to LA," Shan Pū complained, still stuck on her previous demand. "How about some serious private hand-holding, instead? That better?"
In the blink, Ranma was right at Akane, putting her head on Akane's shoulder, their hair brushing at the floor of the dojo from below. "Crouch of the wild tiger," she whispered in Akane's ear. She wasn't really crouching, more half-crawling, since there wasn't that much space under the dojo.
Akane giggled. "I'm sorry too," she whispered back. "I'm gonna be there, however long it takes, even if it's never."
After that it was child's play to pry Ranma away from the limiting space under the dojo. Soon, the four of them were in a hug - two girls and chef engulfing a blushing Ranma protectively.
When they separated, Ranma still holding on Akane's hand, Ukyo was the one to lean closer to Akane, from the other side than Ranma. "So… what exactly did you ask her to do? I thought you said you were gonna take it slow."
"I was!" Akane protested, a little louder than she wanted to, swatting at her friend with her free hand. "Come on, I'm not Shan Pū."
"Akane was very slow," Shan Pū confirmed, not the least bit insulted. "We were going though an English lesson, with kisses and cuddles for the right answers. That part was going perfectly, you should join in more often."
"I don't know," Ukyo said, tapping at chef's chin. "I'm very much happy with exactly what I've got now," and she leaned to quickly kiss Shan Pū's cheek. "Two girlfriends are just enough to juggle for me, thank you very much. And you three need something to do by yourselves. It's only fair, since I've got Konatsu all to myself."
"For now." Shan Pū chuckled. "I'm sure I can get to her eventually."
Akane laughed.
Ukyo opened chef's mouth and closed it. "Just don't push her."
"Me? Never," Shan Pū replied, crossing her hands. Even she didn't know if it was a lie or not.
Ranma was completely red, but remained almost glued to Akane's side, hands intertwined. "The kissing was fun," she admitted out loud, "really makes the English bits bearable. Hey, do you think the folks at Hollywood let me play a mute martial artist? I could kick all kind of butt in the stunts, and wouldn't even need to speak English!"
Shan Pū exchanged looks with Ukyo, before turning to Ranma again. "Do you even understood what Akane asked after we were done with the chapter, airen?"
"Of course I did," Ranma replied, not really sounding sure, waving her free hand frantically. "I… would do almost anything for Akane - even, even, you know - I thought she was gonna ask about it and I was gonna… But no! I'm drawing a line on Akane trying to cook me! Even when Ukyo's teaching her, it's still too dangerous! See, I remember how boundaries work!"
"What?" Akane said, blinking a few times in quick succession, absolutely lost.
Shan Pū laughed. "Oh, of course you didn't."
"Oh, Ranchan," Ukyo breathed out, barely holding in chef's laugher, rubbing at the bridge of the nose.
"Isn't that what eating out means? Cook, and then eat, right?" Ranma asked, using the two English words with a horrible accent and rubbing at the back of her head, the dark pigtail swaying about. "Come on, you're just messing with me now, aren't you?"
"You should ask Lost Boy about it," Shan Pū suggested, and laughed again, holding onto her stomach. "Just tell me when, so I can watch his face."
"Wait, wait." Ranma turned to Shan Pū, all wide eyed. "You're telling that time when you cooked Ryoga, he was… it was… Ryoga's into that?"
Ukyo had to grab onto Shan Pū to stop her from falling onto the ground from the laugher.
Akane exchanged looks with chef.
"You actually cooked Ryoga?" chef asked, chef's eyes narrowing, as if trying to make some connection in chef's mind, "Or did you mean the other thing? When was this?"
"Shan Pū, you can't play with poor Ryoga's heart like that." Akane said a little sternly, speaking over Ukyo. "No wonder he's been so sad recently, if you two broke up, on top of Ranma leaving him for us!"
Shan Pū, predictably, said nothing, too busy with the giggling fit, turning around in Ukyo's arms to rest her face into chef's chest.
"Me and Ryoga were never actually dating, Akane," Ranma barely managed, her face burning bright. "I've told you a dozen times, Akari is real! Yes, she just looks a little like my old Ryoga's fiancée disguise, but it's a coincidence!"
"And I told you that you don't have to lie as many times," Akane pointed out, and patted Ranma on her head. "It's fine if you decide date Ryoga too, I don't mind. Shan Pū obviously doesn't, either."
Shan Pū's laughter only grew.
It was getting harder and harder for Ukyo to hold her upright.
Ranma continued growing redder and redder, but she still cling to Akane like to a lifeline.
Akane drew Ranma in for a quick peck on the lips, absolutely melting the smaller girl.
Life was good.
