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It always began the same; terrors manifesting into voices that circled her mind in the dark. It wouldn’t be the first time. Since her first year of high school—and the traumatic war she endured with her classmates—Uraraka Ochako seemed to be doing nothing short of catching nightmares like fireflies.
This was different, though. It wasn’t connected to her thoughts; words that held no imprint in her memory. These were harsh, aggressive grunts that relayed a sense of panicked abandonment. Growls of helplessness.
Whatever this was…it was very afraid.
It was only when the sounds grew louder that Ochako finally opened her eyes to see what was going on.
Across from her, almost falling completely out of his chair, was Bakugou Katsuki. He leaned an elbow on his knee, cheek firm-pressed into his gloved fist, with his head falling forward in jerky nods.
They were in the middle of their internship with the rabbit hero, Miruko, when Bakugou decided to be a pain in the ass about their assignments. He had been chomping at the bit since day one, and Miruko was having NONE of it. He’d complain they weren’t given much to do, acted like a jerk during patrols, and seemed to go overboard when the days promised to get a bit exciting.
In the end, after nearly coming to blows with the wild woman, Miruko decided to send them out for recon and to stake the financial dealings of some business tycoon making a name for himself in the shadows.
Ochako wasn’t stupid. She knew that this was just a ruse to get him out of the Pro Hero’s hair—and she had a feeling he knew it too—but it didn’t hamper the seriousness with which he took on the task.
So here they were, taking turns on watch for the whole night…because Bakugou was sure they’d catch a villain and he was just itching to rub it in Miruko’s face.
A monstrous snort riled her from her musings, and she sat up straight when he woke up, shaking his head vigorously before he narrowed his crimson eyes at her as if she was the one who awakened him. “The hell…”
“How’d you like your trip to dreamland?” she quipped with a tiny smirk.
“Piss off,” he mumbled before leaning his cheek into the cup of his hand again. “I was awake the whole time.”
Yeah, okay.
Ochako shook her head before glancing over the edge to the windows twinkling around them like fallen stars. Lives are going on amidst the danger lurking in the shadows. She took out her phone and flipped it open. “It’s a quarter past nine.”
“So?”
“So, you’d be in bed right now,” Ochako said as though it were a statement of fact, like how the sky was blue or fish could swim. Bakugou Katsuki was usually asleep by 8:30. She rolled her shoulders and stretched her arms, groaning at the pleasant crack she felt in the middle of her back.. “I’m awake and can take over the shift if you wanna get some rest.”
“Tch, do whatever you want,” Bakugou scoffed, nostrils flaring in that ever-so-familiar look of annoyance that she always got from him. The way she seemed to piss him off without trying.
Ochako tilted her head as she looked at him. “Just trying to be considerate of you.”
“And I didn’t ask for it, did I?” he bit back before sitting up straight and crossing his arms. She could feel the curl on her lips as the strut of his sassy pout marched across his mouth.
She could laugh. She could laugh right now and make it so much worse for herself, but she refrained, schooling her features down to neutral kindness.
“No, but you’re my partner,” she insisted. “You’ve been on watch since four this evening!”
“And I’ll keep on going because I wanna catch the fucking villain, Uraraka!”
“But—”
“I’m going to do what I want, you’re going to shut your mouth, and that is final!” he growled, the threat in his tone daring her to say one more word.
Ochako’s jaw clenched, her eyes black to his muted scarlets. All the instances that they’ve worked together, and he’s never spoken to her like that, and she didn’t like how it made her feel. She didn’t enjoy how he made her seem like she was a nuisance to be dismissed when she thought he trusted her to have his back. She thought he viewed her as an equal. Ochako turned her head away from him then, staring at the financial building with a renewed sense of interest, while ignoring the sting in her chest.
She didn’t understand why she kept trying.
“Fine,” she hissed under her breath, seeing him tense from the corner of her eye. He angled his body toward her, his mouth opening with the shape of her name as though he was going to say something before he fell silent and looked off the edge toward the busy streets.
They stayed like that for almost an hour, scouring the roofs, buildings, and the people carrying on their daily lives around them. Phantasms in the cover of night. Ochako was fine with it, losing herself in the laughter of a group of teens heading toward a convenience store or a couple holding hands as they left a nearby movie theater. She absorbed herself in the mundane things so she wouldn’t be so easily overwhelmed by how extraordinary her life was.
To be a hero weighed with so much sacrifice.
Ochako took her chances and shifted her eyes back to Bakugou, snoring silently when she, once again, found him sleeping in his chair.
Gonna catch the villain, my whole ass…
She relegated her laughing to choked puffs of air as not to wake him, tilting her head as she allowed herself to observe him in silence.
His hair was longer.
It looked more like a wild mess than it did first year, but in a way that made him look more mature. Ochako swallowed hard as an itch pricked at her finger pads to reach out and run her hands through it, to know what those spikes felt like. To smooth the lines etched between his slitted eyebrows.
Huh.
Ochako coughed and felt the blood bloom on her face as she pushed the thought away and focused. The thought wasn’t wrong, though…well, however the word was categorized when it concerned Bakugou Katsuki. It was natural to notice the physical changes in her peers!
Like how his jaw lost a bit of the rounded baby fat it had before, and got a bit sharper.
Or how he shot up like a weed and was now pushing almost 6 foot in height.
And the muscles??? Okay, heroics, yadda yadda, it made sense, but WHY?? She was pretty sure, at this point, he could crack open a melon with a curl of his arms.
Oh my God, what were these thoughts?!?!
Ochako tapped on her cheeks in annoyance, urging herself not to think of him like that before the sound from earlier returned to her like a specter that pricked a chill into her spine.
“No…stop—wait…stop…”
They were clearer now, his voice almost strangled like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. Ochako panicked as she watched Bakugou’s arms and head twitch, like animals do when they dream. Only she could tell that he was in the middle of a nightmare.
The muscles of his arms flexed like he was fighting, head jerking like he was being pulled in every direction. She watched his boot kick out once before his body tensed and arched with choking sounds she’d never heard from him before.
“It’s everywhere—all over me…I can’t…breathe—”
“Bakugou?”
“D-Deku…”
Ochako turned her body more toward him, brows furrowed, tension building at the center of her chest as her hand twitched forward. “H-Hey—”
“Can I still…catch up to…”
She didn’t know if it was the words he chose or the way they left his lips in a soft whimper, like the plea was not meant for others to hear.
Like he didn’t believe he could be saved.
Ochako ran over to him, throwing her visor and wrist guards to the floor before she reached out and touched his shoulder. “Bakugou!! Hey, wake up—”
Her world flipped upside down in an instant, as his hand snagged her wrist and his eyes shot open, his body jolting forward to knock her back on the ground as he pinned her beneath him. Ochako’s eyes widened as a gloved hand wrapped around her throat, the other curling above her head with sparks flying with the intent to attack. His eyes were murderous, wild, and unfocused as he panted and growled above her, ready to destroy whoever it was that dared to touch him.
Ochako felt tears well in her eyes as her hand circled the one around her neck, noting how, despite the violent way he knelt over her, his touch was surprisingly gentle.
“Bakugou…” she whispered, and something broke behind his eyes before he threw himself backward with a shaky gasp, crimson eyes wide as he watched her right herself into a seated position.
"Fuck, I’m so—I’m sorry!!” He reached his hand forward before he froze and yanked it back as though the thought of touching her burned him. Bakugou shook his head before cupping his mouth with wild pants that elevated the hysteria rapidly clouding his gaze. “…I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay!” she responded as she scrambled to her knees, her face calm despite the guilt rapidly chasing the anxiety behind his masked expression. She tried again. “It’s okay…”
“It’s not—I hurt you.”
“No, you didn’t!!” Her hand went up to her throat, the warmth of his hand still necklaced around her, but there wasn’t a mark, she was sure. “It was a reflex! If anything, it was my fault,” she shook her head rapidly. “I-I shouldn’t have touched you without warning.”
“No—”
“Baku—”
“Where am I?!” His voice was hoarse, his breath almost whistling through his lungs as he looked around in a daze. It was only when she started to slide more towards him that she realized his whole body was shaking like a leaf in a high wind.
Ochako held her hands up but made no move to approach him further.
"You're on a roof with me; we're on a mission..." The octaves of her voice ticked downward, her eyes creasing as she watched his movements start to slow as he gathered his surroundings. He put a hand to his chest as he regulated his breathing, his head bowed forward so that his bangs shrouded his face. Ochako was so close she could touch him again, but held herself still.
"Hey."
The wind whispered secrets into her hair, sighing with a measure of exhaustion that seemed to echo back to her. "Why do you keep trying?"
Because she didn't give up.
It took another long moment before Bakugou raised his head to look at her, and when he did, she met him with a full smile, a silent communication.
"You're here...with me."
She wanted him to know that he was safe.
Bakugou stared at her like he had never seen her before today, a glint of something streaking through his iris like a shooting star.
And then it was gone when his eyes hardened—when he closed them with a sigh before gazing up at the sky with a tired expression marring his features like a lash.
Ochako bit her lip. "Are you okay?"
The sound that passed between his lips was very dry, so humorless and devoid of anything, it made her swallow with a need for water. Bakugou breathed in deep, the tremors at his shoulders smoothing with the exhale before he finally responded. "I don't...know."
Well, she wasn't expecting that.
Was this...an invitation? Could she even ask more?
Ochako dared to slide closer. "What...happened?"
Crimson eyes slid over her, guarded as his shoulders tensed, and she stopped moving, sitting back on her heels. He looked away from her and shook his head, his brows creasing in consideration of something before he sighed. "I was...just thinking about something."
"Wha—"
"I don't want to talk about it."
Ochako's hands curled into her lap, but she nodded. She wasn't going to push. "I'm sorry."
"...don't know why I still try?"
At that, her ears perked up. "What?"
"Sleep." He couldn't look at her when he spoke. She noticed that Bakugou was deliberately avoiding her now. "It's...kinda dangerous for me these days."
They went through a cycle of silence before she found her voice. "Like no matter how hard you try, you just can't help how it overwhelms you..."
Another pause for the ghosts staying still in the ether.
"...You could be doing schoolwork or training, and it—" He stopped talking and swallowed as though speaking these truths breathed life into them that he didn't want to remember. Yet, his eyes still looked haunted. "It doesn't leave you alone."
"A constant reminder of what's happened to you." Ochako fumbled with her hands in her lap, picking at the skin of her finger pads. "Like it doesn't want you to forget."
If she were to close her eyes right now, she'd be able to still feel it, the wound deep in her gut carried by the cutest girl in the world.
He turned back to look at her then; crimson eyes creased for a moment in bewilderment before he seemed to remember that she...knew exactly what he was probably going through. She met his gaze with hers, eyes glassy and unfocused as she felt the pressure build in her chest. "Demons...don't ever leave us alone, do they?"
"When I sleep, I don't feel like I'm myself anymore." The words tumbled out of him so fast that she almost didn't understand what he was saying. Ochako remained quiet and let Bakugou gather himself before he continued. "Some days, it's so bad that I feel like I'm not the same person...even when I'm awake."
The admission was enough to break her heart in two. "Bakugou..."
"I was violated and almost taken over by that sludge creep; the league kidnapped me, and I—I died, Ochako." The sound of her name on his tongue took her breath away; made her heartbeat quicken as she continued looking at the boy in front of her. Her classmate, her partner...
A boy hardened by war who had barely just turned eighteen.
"I don't understand why I'm back, and don't fucking start with the 'Edgeshot sacrificed himself for my future' bullshit..." He cast her a long look before bending his legs up. He sighed as he rested his elbows on his knees, pressing his thumbs into the space between his eyes. "It doesn't make this feel any better."
Ochako didn't know what she could really say to that. When news had broken to them that Bakugou had been killed, she didn't want to believe it. With everything else going on around her, she didn't have time to react the way she wanted to—to scream and curse at whoever said such falsehood because Bakugou Katsuki was strong, and she believed.
She knew there was no way that he could die. Not when he wasn't number one and still had so much life to live. She remembered the ache in her chest, the ringing in her ears, and how her eyes burned just remembering him from their fight at the Sports Festival.
That gremlin grin.
Those wild eyes.
Ochako flushed, remembering the overwhelming relief that poured over her when he was found alive.
Because she never doubted that he was beyond saving—regardless of the circumstances—one thing had always remained constant when it came to her standing with the explosive blond beside her.
She always believed him. Always.
She opened her mouth. "I—"
"Why does this keep happening to me?" He sounded so close and far away, his eyes focused on her in a way they hadn't been a few moments ago. "I can't shut it off."
"You've gone through things that none of us have, Bakugou." Ochako reached forward to lay a hand on his arm. "You need...to give yourself time to process everything."
"I don't want time to process shit!" He shook her hand off with a growl that sounded halfhearted, his wall of hostility having cracked the moment he started talking. "I just want to be better!!"
"..."
"I want to fight and be the number one hero!!" His gloved hand grasped the orange X that's become his signature in the middle of his shirt. His eyes looked pinched with a torment she knew she'd never understand. "I want to cut this weakness out of me."
Ochako blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek. "It's not a weakness to let yourself feel."
"It is when you don't know if it's what you're feeling," he said with an edge of hatred that made her sick, and looked down at the ground between his boots. "Or what you've taken from someone else."
"No."
Bakugou looked up. "No?"
"No!" She wiped under her eyes and met him with a look of resolve that had him blinking back. She shook her head. "No, I'm not going to let you do this."
"Do what?"
"Let you talk about yourself like you're supposed to be made of stone!" She crawled in what little space lay between them, planting herself in front of him, so he had no choice but to look at her. "Like you're supposed to just be the asshole, and what you're doing here...with me...is wrong."
Bakugou swallowed hard, eyes narrowing as if to calculate her motives before forcing himself to remain silent as he stared at her.
"Remember when it was me?" she whispered as though it were a secret they had between them. It took him a moment to register what she was even talking about before he sighed.
"Yeah, but that was different," he answered with a rasp. Ochako scoffed and shook her head. She had been at her worst when he had found her that day, yelling about things she never shared with him once. And yet, none of that seemed to matter to him.
"You wrapped your arms around me and held me, even when all I wanted to do was fight you." She gave him a watery smile. "When in my mind, I thought my whole world was ending. You were there. You helped me; you...saved me."
"Uraraka, stop."
"You're here because you're not done; you're here because there's so much you still need to be a part of." She reached for his hands—those large, destructive hands—and cradled them in her own, eyes shining with so much purpose and adoration for the boy in front of her. "I'm happy that you're here."
He exhaled so sharply that it skated over her lips in a silent kiss.
"We don't choose our demons." Her thumbs ran along his knuckles, feeling his fingers twitch awkwardly in her grasp. "But we can choose how we fight them. And maybe…we can do it together!!"
His brows shot up and disappeared into the spines of his bangs at her proclamation, eyes slanting as if he had just witnessed her grow a second head. He turned his head away and pulled his hands from her grasp. "I didn't ask you to save me."
Because Bakugou had always been someone who never needed saving...
"You're not gonna stop me from trying," she said, sitting back on her heels with a cross of her arms. "I've already decided."
"I...shouldn't have said anything."
"No! You said something because you wanted—"
"And what the fuck did I want, Uraraka?" He turned to look at her with a guarded expression again, the wall still wavering back up against the intense way she was looking at him.
And then she jumped.
Ochako pulled forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her cheek against his to feel the scar there. Bakugou stiffened.
"You're still you..." she breathed against him, trapping the fast-rushing heat of tears behind her eyelids. "You walk like you, talk and swear like you..." She inhaled a shaky breath. "...you still smell like you..."
He lay perfectly still in her arms. She noticed that he had even stopped breathing.
"You're still Bakugou." And before she could psyche herself out of it, she finally let her hands pass through his ash blond locks with a sigh of surprise at how soft yet prickly his hair felt on her fingertips. "...still Katsuki."
His arms locked around her so fast that she squealed as she felt herself crushed against him, his face falling into space between her neck and shoulder with a loud exhale. Ochako sighed into him, absorbed in the smoke scent of his skin and the spice. It shocked her how hard her heart was hammering in her chest.
How deep the flush was painting her cheeks in blotching reds and pinks that had nothing to do with the cold.
They stayed like that for a long time, Ochako's hands passing soothingly over the muscles of his back, her ears tuned into the shaky way Bakugou was breathing. She couldn't tell if he was crying or not—it just seemed like something he needed.
She didn't want to let go.
He finally broke their contact, his hands briefly pressed into her shoulder blades before reluctantly pulling back to look at her. The look in his eyes made her swallow hard; his eyes were hazy with something that confused her.
He looked like he was truly seeing her for the very first time.
Ochako tensed when Katsuki's eyes drifted to her mouth, considering something before his eyes found hers again. He gave her a crooked smile that made her want to die; it was so cute.
"Thank you...Ochako."
Okay, he needed to stop saying her name like that.
Not to be outdone, she dared to run her fingers through his hair and push his bangs out of his face. She bit her lip shyly. "You're welcome, Katsuki."
"COME IN, DYNAMIGHT...URAVITY!"
Ochako squealed as her hands shoved at Katsuki's chest, her quirk activating and levitating him off the ground.
He growled in protest. "Oi, what the fu—"
"I'm sorry!!!" she yelled, tenting her fingers with a quiet release that had the boy crashing back down on his ass with a roar. Ochako hid her face in her hands and promptly sent herself floating in the air.
"Goddamn it," Katsuki mumbled as he flopped back to a seated position, his face and ears burning crimson as he held his communicator up to his lips. "Yeah, what do you want?!"
"...Excuse me?"
He sighed, shooting daggers up at Ochako's orbiting body before he tsked. "Yes, ma'am...."
"That's better, Dynamighty!!"
"I'll kill you." he threatened with a grit of his teeth.
"Katsuki!!" Ochako hissed as she floated back down.
"No, you won't!! But anyway, you kids can report back. Looks like our guy's not showing up tonight."
"Shocker," Katsuki responded with annoyance, which made Ochako snort. She was surprised when he shifted his gaze to her and reached to pinch her quietly.
"Hey, kid. You wanted a mission, and you got one. Sometimes you get boring nights like this where nothing happens at all."
Ochako and Katsuki exchanged a look that was contrary to that fact.
Because something undoubtedly did happen between them.
"Yeah, yeah," he said with an eye roll.
Ochako didn't say anything and smiled as Katsuki growled into the comms before shutting it off with a click of his tongue.
"She's so fucking annoying..." he rumbled before he got up to stand.
She couldn't help but giggle at that. "You guys make me laugh."
"Everything makes you laugh, Pink Cheeks."
Ochako's brows lifted, and she batted her eyelashes. "I thought I was Ochako?"
The look Katsuki gave her was scandalized, and she bit back the urge to say another thing that would make him yell at her.
"I—WE NEED TO GET BACK, IDIOT!!" He yelled, stomping and muttering back to the abandoned chair by the building's edge.
Ochako shook her head as she followed him. "Whatever you say, Katsuki."
He almost fumbled the chair out of his hands before he whipped back to look at her. "Hey, don't yo—"
"I'm not going back," she said with a challenge and a tilt of her head. "Are you?"
Katsuki raised a brow before he folded the chair, tucked it under his arm, and walked back to her with a slight shake of his head."What am I going to do with you?" His eyes seemed to say before he reached to touch a stray lock of hair that had blown into her face.
He secured it behind her ear with a smirk that disarmed her, then a smile that set her heart on fire. "Never again."