Chapter Text
As the saying goes. "Bad things come in threes."
So honestly Jiang Cheng shouldn't be so unnerved. Yet, here he was chugging back tea trying to conger up words that'd somehow conceal how nervous he was.
"I don't suppose you'd have another one of those fancy talismans? Could you?"
"As I mention before the talismans work as a door, but for this to happen there is a few things that are needed to be in place in order to use them. So. Well yes, I have the talisman's, they wouldn't be of use.
"I see."
"I am partially responsible for this incident."
"I'm aware. Jiang Cheng all but blurted out.
"So, I'm equally responsible to help you find a solution to get out of this predicament."
"And how do you find, you'd be able to do that."
Pausing to give it some thought.
"Lan Xichen smiles: "It seems we have no choice but to walk down ourselves."
"Surly your not implying we sneak around like some thief's."
"Not thief's. But yes, we have to "sneak." As you so put it, down the mountain.
"your joking."
"This is no joking matter."
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Scenes from more than a decade ago filter in and out of jiang Cheng's field of vision. White and blue robes, turn white and red, back to white and blue. "Calm down, this situation isn't the same. lotus pair isn't burning these people aren't wens. For fuck sucks were in Gusu!" Jiang Cheng nervously twist Zidian as he so often does.
"This way." Lan Xichen says as he accidently brushes Jiang Cheng wrist.
Causing him to flinch and jerk himself away from Lan Xichen, and to the others surprise, he was struggling to breath. And this, this wasn't good. There not even half way down the mountain, at this rate, they'll. "he'll" get caught. This thought alone made his breathing more ragged, and for him to find it harder to distinguish between past, and present.
Realising this for what it was, no stranger to panic attacks. Prone to them himself after the events of Guanyin Temple. Lan Xichen gently encourages jiang Cheng to focus on his breathing.
"Like this deep breath in, and deep breath out, deep breath in, deep breath out. That's it your doing well."
Once Jiang Cheng calms down enough, to were he's more coherent: "sorry you had to see something so pathetic. Really, it was nothing."
"It's not nothing if it gotten you so riled up."
"Maybe I'm overstepping, but let me do what you did for me. I found that it had helped to talk to you, and whilst the pain still there raw and open as it is. The pressure I had felt over the betrayal of my sworn brother is no longer suffocating me, and for that i am grateful. So if you are willing, please tell me what's going on."
And oh, this is new. No one had cared for what jiang Cheng had to say, and for a very long time, all Jiang Cheng has ever wanted was for someone to listen, because no one ever wanted to listen. No-one had listened when he had begged and cried at the tender age of 9, for his dogs not to be taken away.
"A-die." Please, please don't take "Jasmine," "Princess," and "Love" away. I'll train them, so please"
"Jiang Cheng." Your old enough to understand. I don't want to hear it, their going and that's final."
Jiang Cheng was then, and is now expected to listen, to not throw a fuss. So when Lan Xichen showed interest in wanting to listen, like a dam that had broken the water rushes out, so does the secret Jiang Cheng held for more than a decade.
"I know the situation is different, where not in war, Lotus Pier isn't burning. But. Its just, I cant help but see Yiling, I'm thrown back to that market watching the wens close up on Wei Wuxian, and I couldn't, I just couldn't stand their and do nothing. I couldn't afford to lose another person that day. So I used myself as bait and was captured. Its fucking stupid that this situation reminded me of then, were im..
"Its not stupid."
Jiang Cheng's promptly shut up, and his eyes went wide at the interruption. Knowing full well, Lan Xichen had just discarded his sect rules of, "do not interrupt well someone is talking."
"It's not stupid." he says again. "Anyone who says otherwise is wrong. All of as who have suffered some shape or form, have ghost of the past that still haunt us. Even the smallest of things can trigger us. So don't say its stupid, what you went threw cant be summed up as such."
"But it is stupid. The whole fucked up situation was, and is so stupid. If it wasn't for me. If I stupidly hadn't been caught, I wouldn't have been tortured, and got my core destroyed. If i hadn't been, an unaware, oblivious foul. Then, then Wei Wuxian wouldn't have had to make up a lie, to give me his. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have turned to demonic cultivation, and he wouldn't have jump of a cliff. A-jie would still be here, Jin Zixian would still be here, A-Ling would have his parents. If i hadn't stupidly clang to life, none of the events that transpired then, or after would have happened. If i had just died in Yunmeng Jiang after being tortured, none of it would have happened.
"Don't let the decision that someone else has made be your burden to bear, for you are not deserving when all you ever were, was kind and trusting. It's not your fault he used your trust against you." "These are the very words you said to me. My situation though different from yours, is still similar in stature. So I implore you to listen to your own advice. Though I don't know the whole situation, what I do know is. Is that you trusted Wei Wuxian. I'm sure if you knew that Wei Wuxian would give his core up for you, you wouldn't have allowed it. You wouldn't have sacrificed yourself had that been the case. It's not your fault he didn't give you the decision to decide. Wei Wuxian made his choice, what happened after was no fault your own. You are not responsible for his actions, and not I, for Jin Guangyao.
A distinctive sound of a twig breaking indicated another person presents, so without warning Lan Xichen pulls Jiang Cheng behind a huge gingko tree, pressing his back firmly against it's bark shielding jiang cheng from sight, their foreheads nearly touch.
"That's strange, I thought I herd voices coming from this direction."
"We've already searched that area, are you sure you heard something."
"Must've have been the wind." Another cultivator adds
pulling away once their foots steeps grew distance, lan xichen peeks around the tree. Deeming them far enough for his voice not to be herd, "I apologies for..." "pft, haha." and what ever else he was about to say got stuck in his throt.
Lan Xichen was more prepared to get yelled at, if not reprimanded for his actions. So to see jiang Cheng laughing was entirely unexpected. It left Lan Xichen speechless.
"I wouldn't have thought my night would be spent in the company of Sect Leader Lan, sneaking around his sect at that. I find, it hasn't been totally unpleasant." Light violet irises shone with unshed tears under the full moons glow. "Thank you. Lan Xichen." A soft smile was left on his face, a stark difference from the pale stricken face that was there only moments prior.
Smiling back "Anytime."
The rest of the way down was spent in silence as they maneuvered in between trees, using hand signs as gestures to warn each other when cultivators were nearing.
When they reached the bottom, and are a great distance from Gusu Lans barrier Lan Xichen was the was first to break the silence.
"May I be as bold to ask, for you and I to hold correspondence"
"What."
"I'm asking if you'd like to write letters to each other."
"I know what correspondence means. What I'm asking is, is why would you want to exchange letters with me?"
"I didn't expect I'd ever find someone I could confided with. I believed I was alone in my thoughts, but now I know that isn't the case. I find myself greedy when faced with this reality. So I ask again would you like to hold correspondence."
"I will not be the one to write first. If there's no letter on my desk by next week, i'll consider this conversation had never happened."
"Very well."