Chapter Text
“Ain’t fate a bitch?” Regina’s voice startles her, making her jump slightly.
Emma was so focused on that screen that she didn’t even hear Regina approaching. It was an old newspaper report – from the picture, she could see it was even faded, but the name Lilith Page was so clear to her eyes that it could’ve been written in neon. And at the top was the picture of a baby with a birthmark on the wrist.
It would be too much of a coincidence that Emma could have known that child – Maleficent’s child –, the same child her parents banished from the Enchanted Forest before Regina’s curse was cast.
“You know this girl,” Regina says, standing right behind the sheriff.
And Emma wasn’t in the mood for talking – let alone with Regina.
“How?”
“She was my friend.”
It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it also wasn’t the full story. Emma was sure that telling the whole story – everything that happened between them – would raise a lot of questions that she did not want to answer.
“Oh, the one you told me about,” she says, watching Emma warily.
Regina takes a few steps forward and sits on the edge of the desk and Emma does her best not to look at her. Being that close to the mayor made her feel things that, honestly, she’d like to avoid.
“Who you said you pushed away?”
“How’s that even possible?” Emma questions, but it was rhetoric and not directed at the woman in front of her. Was it really coincidence or fate playing another one of its tricks? “All the kids in the world and I end up friends with the one my parents banished?”
“Emma, there are powers beyond our understanding,” the mayor explains and Emma sighs. Regina rarely called her by her name and, when she did, the blonde’s body reacted in a way she couldn’t really explain – nor stop, “and your parents messed with them.”
Regina gives her a pointed look, waiting for a response, but what could Emma say? Her mind was spinning – everything she believed was falling apart by the minute and now, apparently, Lily Page never even had the chance to choose to be her friend. It was just meant to be.
“She was the only friend I had, and it wasn’t even her choice,” she says, shocked, staring at nothing at all.
Even after so many years, so many things she witnesses in the town – magic things, impossible things – there were a few that she couldn’t comprehend and others that she would never get used to and one of those are the sick games fate likes to play. The proof of that?
Being completely in love with her son’s other mother – his adoptive mother, the Evil Queen. Her mother’s enemy.
Could it get more sick than that?
But after a while, Emma started to accept the fact that Regina would never see her as anything more than Henry’s biological mother.
“I’m sorry, Emma,” Regina says softly, looking at her own hands resting in her lap, “I know it hurts. I’ve been there too,” she sighs, ignoring the surprised look on Emma’s face.
“You have?”
The mayor looks at her like she’s stupid. And maybe she really is.
“Do you think it was a coincidence that I just so happened to adopt the Savior’s son?” Her voice has a hint of sarcasm, probably with the intention of making Emma look like an idiot.
Everyone in town was used to hearing the sarcasm coming out of the queen’s mouth and, for the most part, they hated it, but not Emma… Emma learned to admire that, seeing it not as a quality, but as a defense mechanism.
Which was true, but the sheriff knew she also learned to admire every single flaw the woman had – and that’s because people in love are dumb.
“Our actions are our own, but fate pushes us,” Regina affirms with conviction, her expression a little too serious – but soon she has a smirk on her lips. That one smirk that never fails to make the sheriff a little weak in the knees, “maybe it’s time to push back.”
“How?” Emma asks somewhat suspiciously.
But, in the last few days, everything was making her suspicious – since the incident with Cruella. The fear of giving in to darkness was palpable and that was tormenting her day and night.
“Well, I need to go to New York rescue Robin from my insane sister,” she points out.
Just the mention of Robin Hood’s name is enough to make Emma want to kill him. There was no one else she hated more as that little thief – honestly, Swan couldn’t understand what Regina had seen in him. He was an idiot and looked constipated most of the time.
“And you have to find this girl to redeem your parents,” For the first time, brown eyes met green ones, but Emma couldn’t hold them – they said too much and, in that moment, her only goal was to empty her mind. Emma couldn’t let herself be taken away by her anger and give in to the ‘dark’ like Gold wanted her to, “and also show Gold he’s wrong about you. He can’t change you.”
Regina is more than right – as usual – and Emma knows this, but she can’t stand the idea of handing over the woman she loves on a silver platter to some guy whose favorite pastime is stealing – and who smells like he lives inside a fucking tree.
“What do you say we help each other?”
“Like a roadtrip?”
“If that’s how you want to call it,” Regina says with a slight disdain, shrugging her shoulders.
She’s adorable.
Emma shakes that thought and focuses on what the mayor is saying – she knows she couldn’t do that; the fear of fucking all up is too big and she’s sure Regina is just offering that to keep an eye on her, to make sure she won’t become some Evil Princess or whatever the fuck they would call her.
“I’m fine, Regina, I don’t need a babysitter,” she huffs as Regina watches her – it was getting harder to be so close to her. Emma was shit scared Regina would see something horrible in her eyes and that stopped her from looking at her.
“But maybe I need you.”
Those are just words – a simple phrase – to the eyes of anyone else, but to Emma it’s like being hit square in the chest with a giant sword, piercing her heart. It’s clear to her how honest Regina is being – she can always tell when the mayor is lying and this time, she isn’t. Her heart starts to beat faster and faster and she’s positive that if Regina gets any closer, she’ll hear it.
And Emma would never deny her anything – not after the woman putting herself in a vulnerable position, admitting something that, under normal circumstances, she would never admit.
“You’ve lived in New York. I barely left Storybrooke,” how Regina could be so imposing and powerful and, at the same time, so sweet and seem so fragile is a mystery that Emma would never be able to solve, “What do you think, Swan? How about we make today, the day we both beat fate?”
–
Outside the City Hall, Emma’s saying goodbye to Henry with a tight hug being watched carefully by her parents and Killina. She couldn’t really explain why she had invited him to be there – nor why she was still with him – when she already admitted to herself that she wasn’t in love with him. She barely liked him.
At first, she was just enjoying the company he was offering – a way to keep her mind busy, to prevent her from thinking about Regina Mills 24/7. But after a while, Emma noticed it wasn’t working at all – the mayor was on her mind all the time. And even after that, she stayed in that pointless relationship.
Maybe it was the fear of being alone. Loneliness could be a trigger for darkness and she didn’t want to take a chance.
Killina pulls her in for a hug, already rambling about not giving in to darkness, but Emma could barely listen to whatever the hell he was saying – and what she did hear was more than enough to upset her stomach. Honestly, Emma understands the hatred Regina feels for him.
By the time he finished his speech, she could only smile politely and give him a peck on the lips to prevent him from speaking again – but the regret settled almost immediately over every molecule in her body when Regina walked out of the building, her heels clicking against the pavement.
Quickly, Emma steps away from Killian but when she turns around, Regina is already hugging Henry – completely oblivious to what just happened. Her chest tightens for a moment, but she soon chides herself for it – what was she expecting? A jealousy fit? Regina Mills is not that type of woman.
Emma gets inside the car as Regina explains about the scroll she took from her office and how they couldn’t leave Storybrooke without it – they could lose their memory and, without it, they also couldn’t get back in.
As soon as she settles on her seat, the blonde hears her phone beep, indicating a new message. It’s what she needs to get on the road.
“What is it? Something on Lily?”
“Yeah… one of my contacts found an address, but it’s from five years ago,” she says, reading the text again, wide eyed. From the corner of her eye, Emma sees her parents and Henry waving at them as they walk away with Killian right behind – it’s enough to stop her from panicking and it gives her a few seconds to breathe before focusing on the text again.
“Emma, what is it?”
“It’s in Lowell, Massachusetts – which is less than 30 miles outside of Boston,” Regina frowns, not understanding her point, “which is where I lived five years ago! Lily and I grew up in Minnesota, separated as kids and ended up living less than an hour apart as adults?”
“Well, like I said: fate,” Regina sighs and Emma shakes her head, “Look, I don’t know much about this, but everything that happened since you were born, and even before, happened because it had to,”
Regina takes her hand gently and Emma sucks in a breath – not at all what she was expecting. Looking into her eyes, she sees a comprehension she never saw before, along with the mountain of feelings almost impossible to decipher.
“Look where we are now, not in a million of years I would imagine I’d share a son with my nemesis’ daughter, Emma…” The sheriff couldn’t tear her eyes away from hers – the intensity of that moment was making her afraid to breathe in the wrong way and ruin it, “Look at me now, it’s almost the same thing between you and Lily. You have a connection – you are attracted to one another.”
“When we were kids, maybe…” she shrugs, taking her hands away – her self control wasn’t that good to resist Regina for that long, “but the last time, I was the one who pushed her away.”
“What exactly happened between the two of you?” Regina questions her, but it’s not something Emma wants to share – maybe some other time. Maybe never.
What happened between her and Lily wasn’t something she was ready to share with anyone.
Swan sighs and starts the car, ignoring the question. The disappointment settles on Regina’s face and it almost makes her change her mind, but the mayor doesn’t ask again, so Emma keeps quiet.
The trip wasn’t supposed to be long – but it feels like an eternity. Being so close to Regina but so far at the same time leaves her in a constant state of anxiety – her hands sweating and shaking. Her feelings for Regina were growing stronger each day and it was getting harder to keep it a secret.
Emma takes a deep breath, trying to push away all of those thoughts – it wouldn’t do her any good. She needs to find Lily and she isn’t even sure she’s prepared to see the girl after so long. It’s a tricky situation by itself but with the Queen next to her could make it all worse.
Looking at her from the corner of her eye, Emma notices she’s deep in her thoughts and it makes her smile – Regina’s beauty leaves her breathless and, with the sun reflecting on her skin, it makes her shine. Never, not even once, she imagined she’d live to see a woman so stunning as her.
If Snow White’s writers had seen Regina, they would never say she hated the princess for being the fairest of them all.
Mary Margaret is a beautiful woman, but there was no comparison between the two of them.
“I fell in love,” Emma blurts and there’s an awkward silence – Regina is watching her a little perplexed, but with no judgement, just waiting patiently for her to elaborate, “with Lily, I mean,” she explains and, contrary to what she thought, Regina doesn’t look like she’s surprised, “but she lied to me.”
“Were you two involved?”
“We dated,” she confesses and Regina nods, “I would’ve done anything for her, but Lily lied, she broke my trust and when she came back asking for help, I believed her – but she lied again.”
“And that’s when you pushed her away,” the mayor concludes and Emma simply nods, putting an end to the subject. Regina doesn’t question her further and, really, there isn’t much to talk about.
A few hours later, they arrive at the address Mike sent – it’s an old building, practically falling apart. Regina twists her nose as she walks in, noticing how disgusting the place is – really, disgusting is an understatement.
“Why did I go to the trouble of creating Storybrooke when I could’ve cursed everyone to live here?” she asks with her famous sarcasm, making a face to every repulsive thing she sees.
Emma stops in front of apartment 32, knocks and waits. After a few seconds, she knocks one more time, but again, there’s no answer – Swan doesn’t give up, she keeps knocking on the door, ignoring Regina’s eyes rolling several times. When she thinks about giving up and searching somewhere else, a man steps out in the hallway looking at them suspiciously.
“Sorry, we’re looking for Lilith Page,” she says as politely as she can, but his attention is on Regina – who remains standing behind her. Emma’s patience is running thin with the nauseating way the pig keeps looking at her, but Regina doesn’t seem to care and when the blonde looks back at her, she just rolls her eyes, annoyed, “where is she?”
“Not here, pumpkin,” he answers with little interest, turning back to the queen again, “what about you, darling, what are you doing here?”
“Can you tell me where she is?” Emma tries again, hoping it’ll make him stop looking at Regina that way – but what she really wants is to wrap her hands around his neck and twist it.
“Moved,” he says, taking a step into their direction, his eyes set on Regina – and Emma straightens her posture, ready for anything he may try. She doesn’t have her magic but she sure as hell can beat the crap out of him, “I could say to where, if she,” he points at the Queen, “comes inside with me for a minute,” the disgusting pig scratches his beard, but before she can even think to respond the man, Regina walks past her like a missile.
“Tell me where she went, now!” The queen orders with that menacing voice that makes Emma tremble – but not with fear – and the man only smirks at her and snatches her wrist, pulling her closer.
“If you open that pretty little mouth for me, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”
Emma sees red. She lunges at him, grabbing him by the neck and shoving him against the wall – she doesn’t even notice when she raises her hand, prepared to punch him square in the face –, her hold on him is strong, and the man starts to turn purple, but she can’t stop.
Everything she desires is to see his life fading from his eyes.
Suddenly, the sheriff feels the light touch of Regina’s hand on her arm and, from the corner of her eye, she can see the desperation in her eyes. In that moment, Emma freezes – her whole body paralyzes as she remembers Gold’s words and how she couldn’t give in. Not that way. Not in front of her.
“Emma…” the queen says her name cautiously, trying to bring her back, “it’s not worth it, please…”
The sheriff loosens her hold, but doesn’t let him go – still feeling the hatred boiling inside of her. Regina grabs a hold of Emma’s hand that’s holding his neck and pulls it away slowly, intertwining their fingers. And it’s enough to bring her back to reality and drop the man on the floor, coughing. Emma blinks fast and glances at Regina, seeing how terrified she actually looks.
“Hey, are you okay?” Regina asks, despite shaking from head to toe.
Emma nods yes.
She isn’t, but she doesn’t want to worry the brunette even more. Emma is already feeling like trash for scaring her that way and she refuses to have another episode like this – she may not be able to control herself again.
Their friendship had come a long way since Neverland, where Emma finally was able to come to terms with her feelings and, when she gathered enough courage to admit and tell her about it, Pan cast the curse and they were forced apart.
And, after regaining her memory, all she could think about was seeing Regina again and tell her everything she didn’t get the chance to say.
But Robin Hood was there and all the courage and hope she had were crushed.
Emma stomps out of the building with Regina right behind her. The anger’s still present, and she has no intention of taking this out on her, but she could barely hold it all inside of her. Swan gets inside the car and waits until Regina does the same and, without saying a word, she starts the engine and soon they’re on the road again.
It’s obvious Regina has something to say, Emma can notice by the way the mayor can’t stop staring at her.
“Wanna talk about what happened there?”
“No.”
She doesn’t want to talk. Emma’s feeling like a ticking time bomb about to fucking explode and devastate everything around her. The sheriff also doesn’t want Regina to question why she was so angry on her behalf.
“You almost shoved that guy’s face on the wall, Emma. Thank you for defending me, but there was no need for that.”
“I know, Regina, I’m sorry,” she sighs, “I just can’t – I couldn’t control myself seeing him touching you like – like that,” Emma lets another sighs escape her lips, this time making her fatigue more obvious. Having to control all of that anger and magic, drained all of her energy.
“As horrible as this may sound, the truth is… I’m used to it,” Regina shrugs and Emma looks at her horrified.
Used to it?
Emma knows that during her time as a queen she was probably the target of a lot of prejudice for being a woman ruling a kingdom alone, without a king, but being used to harassment – while being as powerful as she is– is absurd.
“Don’t look at me like that!”
“Regina, that’s absurd.”
“I know,” she says dejectedly, “at first, I was just horrified,” Regina is hesitant and Emma can understand, it’s probably not easy for her to talk about it, “I was just a girl.”
“You mean when you… got married?”
That meant only one thing: the person to blame for much of Regina’s trauma was the king.
Emma’s grandfather.
Mary Margaret always talked about how good he was. A good king, a good father, but apparently, a shitty husband – and it makes Emma angry at herself for sharing the same blood as someone who hurt Regina so badly.
“Emma, I don’t – Look out!”
The sheriff quickly turns her face forward and, standing in the middle of the road, is a wolf. Her foot slams on the brake and, without a second thought, Emma turns the wheel, avoiding the animal. The car spins on the road and stops a few meters ahead, across the lane. Luckily, the road isn’t busy, and there’s no one else around.
Regina’s breath is labored while trying to calm her racing heart, she turns to Emma and sees the blonde staring at the wolf, watching him with attention as he runs off into the woods.
“Are you okay?” she asks, still panting, as they both get out of the car.
“Yeah, yeah – you?” Emma continues to watch the spot where the wolf had entered, thinking about the accident she managed to prevent – and also remembering the one when she tried to leave Storybrooke years ago.
It looked like the same damn wolf.
“I’m fine.” Regina answers and Emma turns around in time to see her kicking one of the tires, “We need another tire,” she turns to the sheriff, waiting for an answer that never came. Rolling her eyes, the brunette turns around, searching for something around them – she spots a sign. There’s a gas station just ahead. “C’mon, let’s go,” the mayor points at the sign, “I’ll buy the tire and you buy the coffee.”
Regina starts to walk in the right direction without looking back and Emma has no choice but to follow her. The gas station isn’t far and they walk for about ten minutes in silence before finding the place.
“No sugar, right?” Emma asks before heading to the small diner, making her stop and look back – Regina gives a big, genuine smile that makes her heart skip a beat.
“You know me, Swan.”
Inside the diner, Emma chooses a table with a clear view to where the mayor is. She’s talking to a man – it looks like the mechanic – and the way he was looking at her was causing the same anger as the man at the hotel.
She counts to ten, breathing deeply and turns away from the window, knowing that – with or without darkness – she’d have to get used to that kind of look being directed at Regina. After all, she couldn’t take her eyes away from the brunette either.
“Hey,” the waitress approached her with a polite smile.
“Hi. Two coffees, one black and an Advil, please,” the blonde asks, watching as the woman wrote it down, rushing to bring her the order.
The place was practically empty – just an older couple on the back already eating and Emma.
After a few minutes, the waitress walks back.
“Tough day?” she asks and Emma raises her head to look at her name tag and she has to hold herself back from frowning upon reading the name: Starla.
“You have no idea,” the sheriff ends up saying while watching her pour the coffee. Her eyes fall, automatically, on the mark on the woman’s wrist. It’s star-shaped. It makes Emma’s eyes widen, startled, and her first thought is: impossible.
She watches her face attentively and the resemblance is alarming. It’s her.
“I’ll be right back with Advil,” she says and with that, Lily walks away.
The sheriff hears the doorbell ring and the scent of Regina’s sweet, intoxicating perfume invade her nostrils. She’d recognize the woman anywhere with her eyes closed and hands tied behind her back.
“The car is being towed, thought it would take longer, but the mechanic was like a hormonal teenager every time I opened my mouth,” she says when she sits in the chair in front of Emma with a smug smile on her face – a smile that disappears as soon as she sees the expression on the blonde’s face, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s her!”
“Her who? What are you talking about? Did you hit your head?”
“No, Jesus fucking Christ, Regina. It’s Lily!” She whispers, surreptitiously pointing to the waitress who’s a few meters away serving the other table. Regina watches the woman for a few seconds with clear disdain and Emma is a little confused.
“Well, she’s kinda cute,” her tone isn’t pleasant, holding a certain barely contained contempt, which, selfishly, pleases the sheriff.
Am I… going insane or is Regina jealous?
Emma tilts her head.
No, I must be insane.
“Jealous, Madam Mayor?” She couldn’t resist asking the question – nothing in the world would make her happier than seeing the Queen actually jealous.
“Don’t be an idiot,” she retorts, rolling her eyes, but Emma sees the small smirk on her lips, “she’s coming, try not to drool over your girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girl –”
“Here’s your Advil,” Lily says, interrupting Emma mid-sentence, as she hands it to her. Lily also smiles politely at Regina, but there’s something in her smile that makes her uneasy.
“She’s weird,” Regina says after the girl walks away and Emma chuckles, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” she shrugs, “now, you didn’t answer my question.”
“What question?”
“That I asked in the car – you were going to answer, but then you saw the wolf.”
“What you want me to say? I don't want you to form a negative opinion about your grandfather because of me,” she tries to sound nonchalant, Emma will give her that, but it doesn’t work – the sheriff can read her like an open book.
“I’m not my mother and I’m not a child. I know he was probably a good father and great king, but my question is: was he also good to you?” Emma keeps her eyes on Regina, seeing right through those brown orbs – there are so many things in there. So much pain.
Regina Mills is not the type of person to wear her heart on her sleeve and Emma knows it. Not only knows as she is used to it. The queen built too many walls – impenetrable walls – around her heart, but to Emma, those were just doors. And her eyes were the glass windows that allowed her to see what was going on inside.
An ocean of feeling where anybody else would fear drowning in those dark waters. But not Emma.
Never Emma.
Emma would dive in without fear of running out of air in her lungs. She’d spend hours admiring those eyes and would never get tired.
During the years they spent together, the sheriff learned to read every signal Regina gave off and with that, she also learned to love every detail of her.
But at this moment, Emma fears she may have touched a deep wound that’s still open. She sees the pain in her eyes.
“No,” she confesses, lowering her head, “Leopold loved his first wife. Always did, even after her death – I was merely a young and pretty consolation prize.”
With a momentary courage, Emma places her hand over hers and starts to caress her fingers, smiling understandingly at the brunette. And, for the first time in a long time, Emma felt calm, like that dark shadow that tormented her simply disappeared; like Regina’s touch was pure magic, pushing away every bad thing inside her heart, leaving only the purest of feelings.
There was no need for words, just that moment was enough – the understanding, the connection being so big and so strong that verbal communication wasn’t needed at all. Regina gives her sensations she has never experienced before – not with Neal and not even with Lily.
It’s new. Different, overwhelming, intense and so very scary.
Out of the corner of her eye, Emma sees Lily taking off her apron and leaving the establishment. It’s almost dusk, so her shift is probably over and Swan can’t let her escape – she pulls Regina up and the two of them follow her outside.
“Lily!” She calls the woman out, who freezes and turns around with a scared face.
“Who the fuck are you? How the hell you know my name?”
Emma walks closer to her ex-girlfriend, her heart almost beating out of her chest. They were just teenagers when they met – so many years ago – and now she could barely breathe. Regina stops, halfway through, letting the blonde go to Lily by herself.
“Your birthmark on your wrist,” she points at Lily’s arm, “you showed me once – in Minnesota.”
“Emma?” Lily asks, shocked and emotional at the same time – and without thinking twice, she throws herself into Emma’s arms, hugging her tight. Behind them, Regina huffs, impatiently, “I can’t believe it!” she whispers in the blonde’s ear, “It’s been so long!”
“It really has – you changed so much, Lil,” Emma takes a deep breath and steps back, letting go of the girl – she was not expecting that hug at all.
“How did you find me?”
“Fate, I guess,” Emma shrugs, “and it’s insane, because I looked for you in Lowell.”
“You looked for me?”
“Yeah, and this is gonna sound even more insane, but I need you to trust me, alright?” Emma doesn’t know how to explain the whole thing to her – how could she tell Lily she’s Maleficent’s daughter? “I came here because your mother asked me to.”
“No, my mother died years ago,” the girl says defensively, taking a few steps back.
“Your biological mother.”
“Emma, I’m sorry – you’re crazy,” she accuses, pointing her finger at the blonde, “look, I have a life here – a daughter and a damn good husband. You can’t just waltz back into my life and tear everything apart. I’m fine, my life is great. I missed you, I really did and I still do and I’m glad to see you again – but I’m really, really fine.”
Emma shakes her head, not accepting that answer – she needs to get Lily back to Storybrooke, she really does.
Now I know how Henry felt.
“I’m sorry, Lily, but it’s the truth. I know you always got into stuff that ended badly, but it wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”
“I know.”
Before Emma could question what the hell she meant by that, Lily turned around, walking into the direction of a school bus. A few seconds later, Regina approached her.
“The car is ready,” she says, hiding her hands in her pockets, “you’re girlfriend seemed really happy to see you.”
Emma sees when Lily crouches in front of a little girl then takes her hand and walks away. She rolls her eyes – it’s all bullshit.
“She’s not my girlfriend, Regina,” she counters, “unlike you and her mother.”
“What? Maleficent is an old friend.”
“You don’t owe me any explanations,” Emma says, ruder than she planned, but just thinking about Regina with anyone else – especially that giant lizard – filled her with an unexplainable rage, “it’s your life, it has nothing to do with me.”
“Wow,” the mayor throws up her hands, clearly offended, and Emma wants to crawl into a hole, “Well, I’m sorry if I offended you – but there was no need to be rude.”
Regina walks back to the restaurant, with hurt all over her face. Emma slaps herself in the forehead – how could she be so stupid?
“Regina, I’m sorry,” she says loud enough to make the woman stop and turn around – her expression was now cold.
“No, you’re right. It’s my life, thank you for reminding me.”