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Dennis Whitaker was new to Pittsburgh and new to being gay.
Not new to being gay - he’d been gay his whole life, not that he would ever say that out loud. New to being openly gay. New to hooking up with and going on dates with men. He was new to putting a little bit of product in his hair to make it look artfully messy and new to wearing a shirt that dipped low and showed off more skin than his mother would ever approve of under her roof and he was definitely new to downloading and using dating apps.
It was Dennis’s last Sunday night before his emergency medicine rotations started and he couldn’t shut his brain up long enough to even attempt to go to sleep. He’d already tried counting metaphorical sheep and taking a warm shower and taking a shot of the cheap whiskey the nursing student he was crashing with kept in the freezer. If anything, the shower and the whiskey had just tricked his brain into thinking he was getting ready to go somewhere, and so it was 12:15 AM and he was scrolling through Grindr.
Okay, he thought to himself, phone in one hand and a second shot of cheap whiskey in the other. He took the shot as he flipped through picture after picture of try-hard poses and barely concealed dicks. His options were either a not-really-gay-bar he had stumbled across that was a respectable nine miles from the hospital he was going to spend the next several months of his life at, or this - Grindr.
The not-really-a-gay-bar was just far enough that Dennis felt comfortable being out without the fear of his coworkers or anyone else in the program seeing him and it wasn’t technically a gay bar so if someone did see him, he would have plausible deniability. A majority of the patronage was queer, but Dennis figured most of the people who frequented the place had the same idea as him - far enough outside of Pittsburgh proper but not too far, and it had a cozy vibe. The lights were dim and there were free pool tables in the back. There was a photobooth that was out of service only half of the time.
Currently, Dennis’s Grindr settings were ten miles from the apartment he was staying in with one nursing student and another fourth-year doing rotations at another school, ages 24 to 35. He was swiping through faces and torsos he’d already seen and some he’d already talked to when he made the decision to widen the age range. Ages 23 to 50. There, fine. Dennis had only slept with four people his entire life, three of them being men in the lesser Pittsburgh area, and all four of them had been within two years of his own 26 years of age.
He didn’t have anything against older men, at least not for a one night stand. It wasn’t like he had a kink for them, truthfully he had never given it much thought, but his usual age range wasn’t showing him anyone new and he desperately needed a release of energy so he could sleep.
“Hung daddy, forty-one,” Dennis murmured out loud to himself. “Right.” He could always switch to Hinge or download Bumble but most of the people on those apps were either looking to actually date or, in his experience, were looking for a third. Dennis didn’t want to be a third, he wanted to go to someone’s apartment, fuck, and go home and pass out because he had to be up and at the hospital in less than seven hours.
He was just thinking about either giving up or adjusting his age range again when he got a message from Mike, 46.
Mike: Hey, handsome.
Dennis nodded to himself as he opened up Mike’s profile. Straight to the point, he could work with that.
Dennis: hey
Dennis: what r u looking for tn?
He didn’t want to spend any more time beating around the bush than was absolutely necessary. He wanted to get in and out of this guy’s house within the next two hours, and that included travel time.
While he was waiting for Mike to message him back, he clicked through his profile. He didn’t have any clear pictures of his face, just one that showed him from a distance with a pair of big, dark sunglasses on, leaning against a wall and laughing at something presumably the person taking the photo had said. His other pictures were taken from the neck down, showing off an impressively hairy chest and stomach and delicious arms. Dennis didn’t usually go for bears, or bear-adjacent - Mike wasn’t a big guy, just hairy with a medium build - but this guy was already making his heart pick up the pace.
Mike: Stress relief
Mike: Come to mine?
Mike didn’t even wait for a response before he sent a vague location, between this landmark and that, and Dennis was already plugging the first landmark in on Apple maps when Mike messaged again.
Mike: Looking to get fucked if you’d be down
Dennis, laying on his back with his phone in both of his hands, twitched so hard he dropped his phone directly on his face. He rolled off the couch onto his knees, sliding his hand under the couch until he felt his phone with his fingertips and slid it back to himself. He typed back a quick message in between putting his shoes on, grabbing his keys, and checking the bus route before saying fuck it and ordering an Uber. Mike only lived about four miles away in an area Dennis actually knew pretty well just from his first two weeks exploring the city before rotations. There was a big Target nearby.
Dennis: on y,m wauy
“Fuck,” he murmured to himself, sending another message to fix his spelling as he slid into the back of the Uber. The time on his phone read 12:45 AM. He was wearing worn, baggy sweats and an old shirt from his undergrad that he’d cropped just at his hips. He was on his way to a 46 year old man’s house to fuck him. He had his first day of emergency medicine rotations in less than six hours.
Nebraska Dennis wouldn’t recognize Pennsylvania Dennis if he punched him directly in between the eyes.
The ride to Mike’s house was only 15 minutes from the place he was staying, but he took the time to calm his nerves and flip through his own profile to see what this guy saw in him. Not only was he twenty years younger than him, but his photos, in his opinion, were nothing to write home about. The closest thing to a photo of his face he had was one at a three-quarters angle his brother had taken of him. He was wearing shorts and an extra large t-shirt, no shoes, standing by one of the big barns on his parent’s property. The rest of his photos were vague in a way that wouldn’t give him away if someone he knew came across his profile but weren’t catfish-y.
His bio just had the name he used on dating apps, his age, too busy to date, along with a very short list of preferences. It was incredibly embarrassing to have that information semi-public, but he’d had one two many awkward encounters where a man looked at his slight size, his baby face, and assumed he wanted to get fucked. He wasn’t against it, even enjoyed it sometimes, but it wasn’t his usual preference and it certainly wasn’t what he was on Grindr for. And he wasn’t some scrawny little thing, anyway. Dennis had grown up on a farm, handling animals and farm equipment and running around, rough-housing with his older brothers.
When the Uber finally pulled up outside of a nice, semi-high-end condominium surrounded by perfectly manicured shrubbery, Dennis’s heart rate was almost back to his normal resting rate and he had three unopened messages from Mike.
Mike: Haha
Mike: Buzz when you get here.
The third message was just his apartment number.
Dennis’s mouth was dry and his hands were shaking a little bit, both out of excitement and nerves. This was only the second time he’d ever gone to a Grindr hookup’s house instead of meeting at a more mutual location like the other man’s car. He didn’t even have anyone in the city he could send his location to.
When Dennis arrived outside of apartment 13B, he belatedly ran his fingers through his fingers through his hair and smoothed down the front of the shirt he hoped wasn’t too obvious he had been trying to sleep in, and he sent a silent prayer to a God he no longer believed in that Mike, 46 wasn’t some sex freak or secret murderer, and then he hit the buzzer.
Mike was at least five inches taller than Dennis, with salt and pepper hair and a greying beard. He was shoeless, wearing sweatpants and a grey t-shirt that was so faded all Dennis could make out was Medical. He was incredibly handsome, leaning casually against the door like he invited men 20 years younger than him to his place every day, and fuck, maybe he did. Dennis should have asked if he’d been tested recently before he came here, should have said more than on my way before rushing over because his blood had rushed south so fast reading his message asking Dennis to fuck him that he got nauseous.
“Hi,” Dennis said, and hoped desperately he didn’t sound half as nervous as he felt.
“Hey, yourself,” Mike said, stepping aside to let Dennis in. “Adam, right?”
Dennis nodded as he stepped inside, taking in his surroundings. The apartment was sparsely decorated with plants on eighty-percent of the available surfaces. A leather couch took up one wall, bookshelves on either side. Dennis thought about walking over to see how Mike sorted his books before shaking himself out of it. That was not why he was here.
“Do you want a drink? I have water, La Croix.” He ran short nails through his beard and shrugged. “I have beer and vodka, too?” It was said like a question and Dennis shook his head; he wanted to be sober for this, and the two shots he had taken earlier had already gone through his system.
“I’m okay with water,” he said, and Mike nodded, leading them into the kitchen.
Not knowing what else to do, Dennis leaned against the bar, watching as Mike walked around his kitchen with ease. There was something unbearably sexy about him, dressed down in casual clothes, socked feet stepping soundlessly over the tile of the kitchen floor as he poured Dennis a glass of water from the Brita pitcher in the fridge. He would have been slightly hesitant to drink it if the older man didn’t immediately pour himself a glass and drink half of it in one go.
Dennis did not watch his throat bob as he swallowed and he definitely didn’t watch a single droplet of water melt into the man’s beard.
“I have to be up kind of early,” Mike said apologetically, and Dennis nodded, shrugging his jacket off and laying it over the back of one of the dark wooden chairs around the small dining room table.
“Me, too.”
“Perfect,” Mike said, walking around Dennis, arms brushing as he nodded in the direction of what Dennis assumed was his bedroom. “You need to shower or anything? I just got out a bit ago.”
“No, I showered like two hours ago,” he said, then chastised himself for how dumb that sounded. Mike didn’t comment on it, though, just paused halfway to the bedroom and beckoned Dennis closer, hand reached out between them.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked. There was a half-smile on his face and Dennis was a little weak in the knees. He couldn’t believe this handsome older man wanted him, wanted Dennis, to fuck him. Pennsylvania Dennis, one. Nebraska Dennis, zero.
Instead of answering, Dennis grabbed Mike’s hand and let himself be pulled the short distance between them. He reached out and grabbed at the fabric of Mike’s shirt over his ribs, pressing them together from hip to chest. He shuffled as close as he could and leaned up the scant space between their faces, closing his eyes in anticipation.
He didn’t have to wait long before Mike was closing the distance, lips pressing together in a hesitant but firm kiss. And oh, Dennis needed this. He felt himself make a noise in the back of his throat as he pressed in closer, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss, and hoped he didn’t sound as desperate as he suddenly felt. Almost instantly, Mike introduced his tongue to Dennis’s and one of them was moaning, then they were awkwardly shuffling toward the bedroom, attempting to do so without breaking the kiss.
Dennis was almost surprised at how quickly things got heated. He was still getting used to hooking up and this guy was older. Wasn’t it supposed to take older men longer to get there? But Dennis could feel the hot press of a cock against his hip and he felt dizzy with want. This guy had gotten worked up almost as fast as Dennis had, if that was possible. Dennis had been half hard since he dropped his phone on his face. Even the pain from the bruise that was sure to form over his nose wasn’t enough to keep him from trailing a path of kisses down Mike’s neck and nose at the junction of neck and shoulder before biting gently down.
Mike grunted like he was surprised then fisted a hand in Dennis’s hair and held him even closer for a split second before pulling him back.
“What.” Dennis said smartly, mouth wet with a mixture of his and Mike’s spit.
The taller man looked over Dennis’s face, meeting his eyes briefly before looking down at his mouth then back up to his eyes. He couldn’t think straight faced with the hungry look in the other man’s eyes, all he could think about was getting him naked underneath him, stretching him open, and fucking him until he came. Maybe without being touched. Maybe Dennis would go down on him after. Maybe he would-
“Off?” Mike interrupted his train of thought by tugging gently at his t-shirt, stepping back in the process. Dennis nodded, stepping away just far enough that he could reach behind himself and grab a handful of t-shirt to pull over his head. He tossed it blindly to the side then nodded to Mike to do the same as he untied the string of his sweats and shimmied them down. He stood nearly naked in front of a fully clothed man double his age and he had never been more turned on in his life. Something about the guy’s crows feet and kind brown eyes and salt and pepper beard were absolutely doing it for him. Maybe he was into older guys, or maybe this guy’s demeanor had just charmed him. Either way, he kind of wished he’d gotten on Grindr earlier in his evening, because the clock on Mike’s bedside table read 1:15AM and Dennis desperately needed to get some kind of sleep before having to be at the ER bright and early to try to impress the attending he was going to be spending the next twelve weeks with.
“Right, yeah,” Mike said, nodding as he watched Dennis chuck his sweats somewhere off to the side. He finally got the memo and started taking his own clothes off, his shirt joining Dennis’s somewhere behind them both.
Dennis sat on the edge of his bed while Mike untied his own sweats and pushed them down over toned, hairy legs. A million thoughts and questions flew through his mind as Mike stepped toward him but the sight of his cock tenting his boxers was enough to wipe his mind of anything but want want want.
Dennis fisted his hands into the fabric of the boxers covering Mike’s hips and tugged until he was flush against the bed between Dennis’s knees. Mike groaned low and long in his throat, head tilted back, before looking back down at Dennis.
“How do you want this?” He’d discovered that it was always best to be straight-forward when it came to sex, and besides, they were kind of on a time crunch and Dennis needed to be inside of this man yesterday.
Mike crawled over him, pushing him back into the mattress and capturing his lips once more in a heated, dizzying kiss. Dennis had kissed maybe seven people in his entire life and this was probably the best. Mike was giving just as much push as he was accepting pull, moving with and against Dennis, licking into his mouth and leaving sharp bites to his bottom lip. When Dennis pulled back to suck in a lungful of fresh air, Mike leaned down and started kissing and biting at Dennis’s neck.
“Ah,” he said, pulling back as much as he could when the other man was on top of him, pressing his weight into him in a not uncomfortable way. “Work.” It was nonsensical but Mike seemed to understand that meant no hickeys, leaving one last wet bite at the junction of his neck and shoulder, and pushing up and off of him.
Mike moved with ease around Dennis, flopping onto his back with his head at his pillows. He reached over and opened his bedside table, pulling out lube and a box of condoms, and spread his legs. “This okay?”
“Okay,” Dennis repeated dumbly, and Mike choked on a laugh as Dennis crawled over to him, lube in hand. He settled in front of Mike, pushing and pulling him into place with his knees bent on either side of Dennis. He slid his hand up one hairy thigh, feeling the strength and the heat of him before dragging his nails gently back up, relishing the hiss the other man let out, before reaching for the band of his boxers.
“Can I?” he asked, snapping it gently in place once before grabbing it again. Mike nodded, murmuring yeah, yeah under his breath as he helped Dennis pull his boxers over his legs and onto the floor. When he looked back up, Mike’s cock was resting on his lower stomach surrounded by a nest of curls. Dennis was almost embarrassed by how sexy he found it; he was so used to guys on dating apps trimmed and perfectly manicured.
Everything about Mike was so undeniably masculine, Dennis felt sick with want. He had spent the first twenty years of his life trying to deny this part of himself, this part that was attracted to men and to masculinity. Even when he’d first started dating, he never found himself going for the hyper-masculine men, and fuck was that a mistake. Even the way Mike smelled was masculine, musky and heady.
Dennis inched back just enough that he could drop onto his front, getting Mike’s knees over his shoulders so he could hold his thighs as he pressed his face into the crease where the other man’s thigh met his pelvic bone. He inhaled deeply once, hoping he wasn’t coming off as a complete freak, before turning his head and biting his thigh.
Mike hissed in through his teeth and fisted in Dennis’s hair again, and Dennis groaned, turning his head so he could get his mouth around Mike’s dick. He was cut, decently sized though nothing to write home about. As he introduced his right hand into the equation to grab at what he couldn’t fit in his mouth, he circled his fingers around the shaft, trying to gauge whether or not he was bigger than Dennis. Definitely a bit thicker, but not longer. Dennis felt smug about it for some reason, then Mike pulled him off by his hair and he moaned so loud he shocked that though directly out of his own head.
“Fuck,” Mike groaned, and pulled Dennis up, one hand in his hair and the other on his arm. “Get up here. Fuck.”
Dennis was only a little disappointed by that. He wanted to spend more time with his face against this guy’s manhood, breathing him in, running his fingers through the hair on his thighs, maybe eat him out if he was amenable. Or was that a young person thing? Would a guy who was almost 50 even want someone near his ass? Dennis wouldn’t get to find out apparently, because Mike was pulling him back up and pulling his hair and sticking his tongue in his mouth before pulling him back with a hand on either side of his face.
“Fuck me,” he said, and Dennis was nodding immediately, squeezing the bottle of lube he didn’t remember grabbing. “I already prepped myself, you just gotta-”
“Yeah,” Dennis agreed, because he had been making out with this man for nearly half an hour, no way was he just gonna go in without making absolute sure he was ready yet. In his research of all things gay, Dennis had read about something called painal, which was apparently a kink some people had where the giving partner would go in with minimal lube and minimal prep, and yeah there were some things Dennis wanted to try, but that was decidedly not one of them. “Yeah, I got you.”
His words slurred together a bit as he pushed Mike’s knees back up and poured a healthy amount of lubricant over his fingers, doing his best to warm it between his fingers in the short distance his hand travelled from in front of himself to the other man’s ass. He still hissed a bit at the coldness of it against his heated skin, but any discomfort immediately melted into a moan as Dennis got one finger in, then a second, in quick succession.
“Fuck, you’re almost ready for me,” he said, mostly to himself, but Mike nodded frantically, before tossing his head back into the mountain of pillows he was laying against, groaning low in his throat.
“I’m not getting any younger,” Mike said between groans, and something about that made Dennis bark a laugh as he inserted a third finger, more lube, and leaned down to kiss him. He would have been embarrassed about laughing at the man while he was three fingers deep inside of him, but Mike was smiling against his mouth, huffing a quiet laugh that turned into a moan as Dennis crooked his fingers, his thumb adding gentle pressure underneath his balls.
“Okay, come on, come on,” Mike chanted, squeezing around Dennis’s fingers and fuck, okay, this man was gonna kill him even if he wasn’t a secret murderer.
He pulled his fingers out, wiped them on his boxers as he shimmied them off, and rolled a condom on once they were discarded. Mike watched open-mouthed as he used his already dirty hand to coat more lube on his cock and over his hole, and without much though, Dennis reached up with his clean hand and stuck two fingers into Mike’s mouth. He would have felt bad for doing it without asking if the other man’s eyes hadn’t slid shut and he hadn’t let out an absolutely filthy moan as he closed his mouth around Dennis’s pointer and middle fingers and sucked.
And that was it, that was all Dennis could take. There was an incredibly sexy, masculine man underneath him, sucking on his fingers in a way that made him wish he’d gotten this guy to suck his dick before they got this far, waiting for him to fuck him. Dennis was gay and had always been gay, even when he was too scared to admit it, and how could that be wrong when he had a beautiful man underneath him sucking on his fingers like he was trying to swallow Dennis whole? Being gay was awesome, Dennis thought dumbly as he used his unoccupied hand to guide himself to Mike’s entrance.
Mike moaned around his fingers in such a beautiful way, Dennis briefly wished he could record it to listen to as jerk-off material. He slowly pushed in until his pelvis was pressing against Mike’s cock and then paused. When he removed his fingers from the man’s mouth, he pressed them softly against his tongue as he removed them, then slid his hand slowly and delicately to rest against the front of Mike’s throat. There was no pressure, he wasn’t choking him or even hinting at it, he just liked the way his pale hand looked against his neck, his own delicate but calloused fingers resting under the other man’s greying beard.
“What do you want?” he asked, and Mike opened his eyes, blinking rapidly a few times before shifting to press his heels into Dennis’s back.
“You came here to fuck me, didn’t you?” he said, slowly rolling his hips into Dennis’s. “So fuck me.”
And yeah, okay, Dennis couldn’t argue with that.
He pressed his hands into the pillows on either side of Mike’s head and leaned down for a quick kiss before he set a steady pace, the only sound in the room their harsh breathing and the slap of skin on skin. After setting a comfortable pace, with Mike meeting him halfway with every roll of his hips, Dennis leaned his weight on one hand so he could free the other and run his palm up and down Mike’s chest. The v of his fingers kept catching on hard nipples and soft chest hair and the dichotomy of it made Dennis groan deep in his throat, picking up his rhythm.
“You feel so good,” Dennis said between them, leaning down with his hands braced against Mike’s chest, and pressed their lips together in a sloppy kiss. They were both moving too much for it to be anything deeper than a fleeting touch, but it still felt incredible.
“Come on, like you mean it,” Mike taunted, and Dennis sat back on his knees, wrapping his arms around Mike’s thick thighs and pulling him against his pelvis as he fucked into him at a pace that was considerably harder than he was going at before.
That seemed to do the trick. Mike was making rhythmic little uh, uh noises, his hands fluttering about without finding purchase. He jerked his own dick a few times before letting go and reaching for any part of Dennis he could touch - his thighs, his arms, his chest.
“Fuck,” he said, and Dennis nodded in agreement. “You’re so hot.”
And that caught Dennis off guard a little bit. He didn’t think he was ugly by any means, unconventionally attractive for sure, but to have this sexy older man say that while he was pounding into him almost gave him pause.
“Had to message you as soon as I saw your arms,” he groaned, reaching out to grasp Dennis around his biceps, and yeah, okay, if there was anything Dennis was proud of, it was his arms. Firmly muscled from 20-plus years of living and working on a farm. The tops of his shoulders were covered in freckles from the sun, even though he was pale.
It wasn’t much longer before Dennis could feel himself getting close. He reached down to grab Mike’s dick to help him over the edge with him, but the other man just shook his head, grunting out just like this before rolling his hips up at an angle that must have hit his prostate, because he reached up and grabbed at Dennis’s shoulders to drag him down into a sloppy kiss, moaning deep in his throat the entire time, fuck fuck fuck whispered against Dennis’s lips between off-center kisses.
That alone was almost enough to push him over the edge but what finally did it was Mike grabbing his bottom lip gently between his teeth and tugging while he scratched down either of Dennis’s thighs with blunt nails. He didn’t have enough time to warn Mike before he was giving him one, two more shallow thrusts and coming in the condom. It was bad etiquette to not at least offer to pull out, condom or not, but it seemed to spur Mike on, because seconds later, his legs were locking around Dennis’s waist and he was coming, nearly untouched, between their bodies.
Dennis didn’t think much of it before reaching down and dragging a finger through Mike’s cum, collecting a bit of it on his fingertips. He looked at it for a few seconds before reaching out and sticking his cum-covered pointer and middle fingers back into Mike’s mouth. If he was grossed out or surprised by it, he didn’t reach much beyond closing his eyes and moaning, and yeah, that was hot. Dennis was leaving this hook up with a small list of new yeses to incorporate into his already new gay sex life. Cum-eating, scratching, hairy men. Fuck.
“Fuck,” Dennis said out loud, gently pulling his softening cock out of Mike’s body, and Mike laughed, nodding as he leaned up on his elbows to look down at Dennis. This was Dennis’s least favourite part of hooking up with people. He probably looked goofy as hell, soft cock covered with a cum-filled condom, naked between this guy’s legs, staring at him like an idiot.
“Well-” he started at the same time Mike said, “I-”
Mike huffed a quiet laugh and nodded at him in a go ahead gesture. “I have to be up really early,” Dennis said, and Mike nodded.
They both got up and got dressed in companionable silence, tossing each other the clothes they’d been wearing earlier in the night. The clock on the bedside table read 2:45AM. Dennis’s phone was on 13%.
Mike led them both through the apartment to the kitchen, where Dennis grabbed his jacket and house keys from where he’d tossed them. He chugged the rest of his water in one go and stuffed his feet lazily back into his shoes, ordering an Uber with his free hand. He knew he was going to be thinking about his face in this man’s groin and the feeling of his chest hair under his hands long after he had forgotten his name.
“That was great,” Mike said as he led him to the door, and Dennis nodded in agreement, shoving his phone into the pocket of his sweats. “I don’t usually fuck younger guys but maybe I should.” He could tell it was a joke, could tell Mike was just as tired as Dennis suddenly felt and was just trying to keep up light conversation, but Dennis suddenly had a thousand questions for him: Why did you? What was it about me? Would you want to do this again sometime? Why do you smell so good?
His train of thought was interrupted by the vibration of his phone telling him his ride was two minutes away. He shuffled toward the door with Mike behind him and after opening the door, he just stood there staring at him for a second, trying to think of what to say. This was his least favorite part of hooks up, actually.
Dennis didn’t know if he was just exuding an anxious energy or maybe Mike was used to trying to shoo people out of his apartment, or maybe he just wanted to, but the older man stepped back into Dennis’s space, framed his face with his large hands, and gave him a filthy, lingering kiss before stepping back and giving him a crooked smile.
“I hope you’re able to get some sleep,” he said, and Dennis finally laughed, shaking his thoughts away before tossing a hand up in a lazy wave.
“Goodnight, Mike.”
He was stepping over the threshold of Mike’s apartment when he got a quiet goodnight, Adam in return and then he was turning and jogging down the steps to his Uber. The driver was a pissy-looking girl around his age with a puff of curly hair and big, clear-framed glasses.
“Sorry about that,” he said as he pulled his seatbelt on, and she whispered something that sounded like hope it was worth it before speeding off.
Dennis woke up less than three hours later, wildly dehydrated with an awful taste in his mouth.
He quickly wrestled a clean pair of scrubs on and splashed water on his face, running some through his hair because fuck, Mike had really fucked it up last night. He looked awful, quite frankly. His already pronounced eye bags looked bruised with lack of sleep and he looked pale and half asleep. Hopefully nothing a 12 ounce RedBull couldn’t fix, because he didn’t have time to make coffee and this would be his first time at this hospital and so he wasn’t sure he’d have time to make coffee before his shift started.
Which was in less than 30 minutes, fuck.
He had very little in the bank so Dennis had been relying on public transportation unless he absolutely didn’t have the time and he’d already used rideshare two times in less than twenty-four hours but if he was late on his first day, not only would it be a bad look to his attending, but the head of his program would also have his ass for it.
Dennis arrived at Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center at 6:52AM, giving him less than ten minutes to find literally anyone who could tell him where he was supposed to be and where he could drop his stuff for the day.
“Hey, sweetheart, you look lost.”
Dennis turned at the nurse’s station and came face-to-face with an older, blonde-haired woman about his height. She looked kind but serious and he felt himself calm down in her presence. 6:55AM.
“Hi, I’m the MS4 starting rotations today,” he said, then immediately kicked himself for introducing himself as the MS4 instead of an MS4 or maybe by his university’s name or the head of his program.
“Of course you are, sweetie.” Her nametag said DANA on it and she put a hand on his shoulder, leading him down a short hallway toward a closed door. “Lockers are back here. Breakroom through there.” She nodded at each door as she spoke. “Bathrooms down the hall. No staff bathrooms, unfortunately. Whenever you’re done putting your stuff away, come on back out here. Dr. Robby and the other students and interns should be there by the time you get out.”
Dana left him alone to put his things away and try to settle his racing heart.
By the time Dennis joined the land of the living once more, there were several new faces standing around the nurse’s station. He looked around himself, trying to memorize these faces; they’d be the people he would be spending all of his time with until his emergency medicine rotation was over.
He was interrupted when the automatic doors to the side whirred open quietly, revealing a tall older man with dark sunglasses on, ducked over a paper cup of coffee. Something about his gait, about his salt and pepper hair seemed familiar, and-
“Dr. Robby. You have the students and interns with you today,” Dana said as way of greeting, and when Dr. Robby turned to face them, Dennis’s blood rushed up to his face so fast, he almost passed out. Because no fucking way was his attending the man he had begging for his cock less than five hours ago.
“Dana,” Dr. Robby, Mike, started, and yeah, that was definitely him. Same soft, gravelly voice, same kind brown eyes. Fuck. Dennis was about to get kicked out the fucking program.
Dr. Robby graced the bunch with a cursory glance before looking up at the patient board and giving a short but succinct speech about their time in the emergency department. When he looked back up to give them their first assignments of the day, his eyes caught on Dennis and he paused for barely half a second, such a short amount of time there was no way anyone but Dennis had even noticed it but it still felt like he was shining a giant spotlight directly on his face, projecting WE FUCKED LAST NIGHT for all of his peers to hear. It was bad enough that he’d be forced out of the closet in front of a bunch of strangers. It was even worse that he fucked his attending. His attending who was twenty years older than him.
Dennis didn’t consider himself a religious man, at least not since he left Nebraska, but he sent a silent prayer up to whatever God might be listening that he wasn’t alone with Mike, 46 for a single moment that day.
As it turned out, Dennis didn’t need to worry about being alone with Dr. Robby, even the time he was actually, physically alone with him in peds, because his first shift at PTMC was the shift from hell. It started with him losing his first patient and ended with a mass casualty event so bad that the overnight staff had to come in several hours early because they needed the extra hands so badly. Dennis barely had time to stop and think for a single moment, much less stop and think about how he’d fucked his attending.
Of course the thoughts were there throughout the day, especially whenever Dr. Robby would talk to him or put his hand on Dennis’s shoulder in passing, but after the first initial moment of shock upon seeing him there, he wasn’t worried about being forcibly outed or about Robby saying anything. He just didn’t seem the type.
Dennis was gathering his things from his locker when one of the residents, Dr. Mohan, Samira, walked by to her own locker. “Someone mentioned they do drinks in the park after a bad shift, were you going to join them?”
He wasn’t sure who them entailed, but he could guess it included Dr. Robby, so he shook his head as he slung his backpack over his shoulder. “Maybe next time. I want to go wash all the- substances off of me.”
Samira laughed and nodded good-naturely. “Don’t forget to get your blood drawn tomorrow for the paneling. Usually after an exposure, we’ll check for HIV, hepatitis, the usual suspects. The patient that sprayed you was negative but it’s hospital protocol.”
He felt stupid for not even thinking about that with everything else going on, because of course Dennis could have been accidentally exposed to a bloodborne pathogen on his first day in emergency medicine, where he lost a patient, experienced his first mass casualty incident, and had to work fifteen hours with a man he’d fucked the night before.
“Thanks for reminding me,” he said with a sigh, and they made small talk until they parted ways for the night.
The cold night air was like a punch of relief to Dennis’s overwhelmed system. Once he got to the bus stop right off of the hospital property, he inhaled deeply, holding it in for a few seconds before letting it out in one exaggerated breath. After checking when the next bus came, he dropped down onto the wooden bench by the stop, backpack between his feet, and scrubbed his hands over his face.
“I can do this,” he murmured to himself, pressing the heels of his hands over his eyes. “It’s not the end of the world.” Like a mantra on repeat in his head. Maybe it would help if he said it out loud, get it out into the universe.
Dennis had learned a lot his first day in emergency medicine, things he was sure he would carry with him throughout his entire medical career, but the things his tired brain kept circling around were the few things he’d learned about Robby throughout his shift.
One, he was Jewish and wore a star of David necklace, despite letting it slip that he was non-practicing. Dennis himself had overshared and told him about his undergrad Theology studies, which felt a bit much to share with a hook-up, but it had felt very natural in the moment.
Two, he dated women. He even had a kind-of step-son with one of the women he dated. Santos had even told him, conspiratorily, that Robby and Collins had dated back in the day, whatever ‘back in the day’ meant. So maybe it was okay that they had slept together. Collins definitely wasn’t 46. If anything, she was closer to Dennis’s age, maybe early to mid-thirties.
Which meant that, three, Robby was probably on the DL - the down low - which Dennis still wasn’t entirely sure of the definition of. Secretly gay, or maybe just fucking men. Either way, it didn’t seem like a part of himself that Robby shared with his coworkers, so Dennis knew he was safely in the closet, though he suspected Trinity might have an inkling. Birds of a feather, and all that.
The display was reading two minutes until the next bus came when Dennis heard his name being called. His heart simultaneously jumped into his throat and out of his ass at the same time, and he cursed under his breath as Robby came into view.
“Hey, kid,” he said, then winced at his own words and dropped down onto the bench with a good foot between them. “Sorry, ah.”
“It’s okay,” Dennis said, and the conversation stalled. With nothing better to talk about with his boss and the man he had fucked less than 24 hours ago, he said, “Do you not drive?”
Robby laughed in a surprised sort of way, whether it was what Dennis had said or that he had said anything at all, Dennis wasn’t sure, but he didn’t feel like he was being laughed at, so he mostly ignored it. “I do,” the other man confirmed with a nod, rubbing a hand over his face. He was probably imaging it, but Dennis swore he could smell him from where he sat and the olfactory assault was confusing his brain even more than it had already been confused at 7am on the dot that morning.
“I was going to see if you needed a ride home,” he continued.
Dennis just blinked at him a few times before looking back to the display on the bus stop, where it was now telling him the next bus would be in 27 minutes instead of 2. “Oh,” he said dumbly to himself, and Robby nodded sympathetically.
“It always does that at this time of night,” he explained. “Ghost bus.”
“Right,” Dennis said dumbly, and he suspected he’d never say a smart word in front of this man as long as he knew him. He mentally kicked himself.
“Right,” Robby said slowly. “So I was going to offer you a ride. No pressure.”
Dennis turned to look at him again. He looked fucking exhausted, like he could pass out any moment. Maybe he should offer to drive the other man home. No way it was safe for him to drive looking the way he did. “I’m sure you just want to get home,” he deflected instead, and Robby nodded slowly.
“Look,” he said, and Dennis braced himself. “We don’t have to talk about it. It’d actually be wise if we didn’t talk about it. But I’d feel awful knowing you’re sitting out here in the cold for who knows how long.” As if to soften the offer a bit, he added, “If it makes you feel better, I would do this for any of my coworkers.”
At that, Dennis had to laugh. A pathetic, exhausted, bark of a sound. It did make him feel better actually, and he nodded in agreement. Robby nodded back at him and stood, nodding down the street. “I park down the road. The walk after a shift clears my head.”
Dennis groaned. “Is it always like that?”
“No, fuck. I don’t think I could handle it if it was,” Robby said, and Dennis felt the relief deep in his bones.
And apparently the shift from hell had completely destroyed his brain to mouth filter, or perhaps he was just much more tired, or much more stupid, than he thought, because the next words out of his mouth were, “So, Mike?”
Robby choked on nothing as they turned the corner, fishing his keys out of his pocket at the same time. “Fuck,” he said around a laugh, and Dennis laughed with him. “So much for not talking about it.”
“Sorry,” Dennis said with a shrug, and he hoped it wasn’t too obvious that he wasn’t actually very sorry. No, his brain didn’t tell his mouth to say those words but now that it was already out there in the open, he was curious. Sue him!
“Sure you are,” Robby said as he unlocked his car, and Dennis slid into the passenger seat to avoid having to respond. After sliding in and buckling his seatbelt and starting the car, Robby continued. “It’s my first name. Michael, Mike. I’d uh, much rather be called that than Robby in bed. That’s more of a professional nickname.”
“Right,” Dennis said. Yeah, that made sense. Dennis wasn’t exactly a sexy name and Denny, the nickname his brothers had for him, definitely wasn’t sexy.
“Adam,” Robby said in response, and Dennis groaned. “It’s only fair!”
Dennis turned to look at his attending with a dead stare that probably fell incredibly short with how exhausted he was. Robby just laughed as he pulled out onto the street, asking Dennis for his address and plugging it into his GPS before waving a hand for him to continue.
“Remember how I said I did my undergrad in Theology?” Robby nodded. Dennis sighed. “I grew up in a very religious household. Not… actively homophobic but definitely not supportive. I’m not out to them or anything but when I moved here and came out to my friends and my classmates and started uh, hooking up.” He tried to see Robby’s reaction out of the corner of his eye but he was focused on the road, just offering a nod or a hmm to indicate he was listening. It was almost better they couldn’t make eye contact for this conversation, it was already dreadfully embarrassing for Dennis.
“When I started hooking up, I didn’t want to use my real name - stranger danger or whatever - so I decided to kind of. Not re-invent, that’s not the right word. I’m actually too tired to think of a good word right now,” he said truthfully, leaning his head against the headrest and closing his eyes. Robby huffed in agreement beside him. “Pretty much, I have minor religious trauma and the name felt familiar and I was in uncharted waters when I first moved out here.”
Robby hummed, hitting his blinker to turn onto Dennis’s street. It was quiet the next few blocks, all the way until they pulled up in front of the apartment Dennis was staying at for the time being. After he gathered himself mentally and gathered his things physically, he looked over at Robby to thank him for the ride.
“The creation of Adam,” Robby said, and Dennis couldn’t even blink, he just stared at him, for once in his life feeling completely, one-hundred percent understood in a way that completely floored him. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there unblinking, staring at Dr. Robby, before he finally nodded back at him.
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, exactly.”
Robby gave him a tired nod and a barely-there smile. “Get some sleep, Whitaker.”
“Get home safe,” he responded, opening the door and stepping out. Before he closed it, he turned and said, “Seriously, you look like shit.”
He closed the door to the sound of Dr. Robby’s laughter, standing there until the other man had safely whipped a U-turn and disappeared down the block before heading into the building. Dennis Whitaker had survived his first day of emergency medicine rotations, made a couple acquaintances - maybe even another gay friend - and hadn’t had any horrible interactions he could never come back from with his attending he didn’t know was his attending that he’d slept with. Besides literally everything else that had happened that day, he was feeling mildly hopeful about the rest of his rotation. He could get along with his attending without it being weird, make some friends, make some connections, and move on.
“I can do this,” Dennis whispered to himself one last time as he crawled into his makeshift bed on the couch after showering, eating a snack, and putting his pajamas on. “I can do this.” He was confident in his ability to learn on the fly and to do what he needed to do, but working with Dr. Robby, with Michael, every day for the next several weeks was going to be interesting, no matter how civil they were about the whole ordeal.
Dennis had just closed his eyes and pulled his blanket over him to try to knock out for the night when his phone beeped with the unmistakable sound of a Grindr notification. He hadn’t even realized he had notifications on, so with the intention of just turning notifications off and not even checking who was messaging him in the middle of the night on a Monday, he grabbed his phone with a groan.
And of course curiosity got the best of him because he swiped his notifications down and read the message.
Mike: Left your jacket in my car. I’ll bring it to you tomorrow.
Right. He could do this. Maybe. Hopefully.