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Severus was tired.
He was going to get married to a man who hated him and he hated him back.
It burns his heart that he would have to go through this but he had no choice and neither did he.
They both stood by each other with the pain of longing for each other in their heart, the only emotion between both of them. Sirius held his hand out to him and Severus reluctantly took it. He didn’t want to touch this man but if he wanted to survive in this new world he had to and so does Sirius.
They both were the first to dance, a dance to celebrate the union between newlyweds but for them it was a dance to celebrate the death of their freedom before it was allowed to bloom.
The party went as one would expect a bunch of stuck ups to do, just a lot of talking but it was a good opportunity for Severus to talk to others, to build connections.
The night ended with both of them retiring for the night. Even in the darkness of their room he wouldn’t have privacy. This was his life now, intertwined with Sirius. They both didn’t look at each other knowing the other’s face would hold a sneer.
Severus always dreamed of a marriage with someone he loved, someone he would hold. They both would walk around the garden with their child in their arms. Severus finally showing his father that he did not become him but now he is stuck with a man who hates his existence more than the man who created him.
They both lay down, right beside each other, tired from the constant eyes on them.
Severus has to marry him to elevate his status since he is one of the closest followers of his lord but due to his blood status he has to marry someone ‘higher than his status’ in order to be able to serve his lord properly. Sirius, like most of those from pureblood families who rejected the dark lord, have to marry to save as many muggleborns as they can. The higher the pureblood family the higher amount of muggleborns they can save.
It was a marriage of convenience but it would not have happened if only Severus wasn’t a smart man creating potions that parred the exiler. He still remembers the face of his lord when he got to know about the new creation by Severus. He merely wrote about it in theory when he was a pubescent boy, curious about how much he could change a human body before it stops responding. Having too much time and nothing to do after the war, Severus decided to try several of his theories and most of them succeeded.
Severus walked into his lord’s chambers, filled with interesting design choices according to him. His lord’s voice was smooth and commanding sitting in the middle like a god. He had been making his followers, especially those close to him and then he asked him how they are doing, as if he were a friend but they all knew that it was because of Bellatrix. After the war she tried to kill the royals of Britain so the dark lord had them come to him and see whether they were trying to do something against him.
While talking to the man kneeling in front of him the dark lord dove into his memories and watched as he made different types of potions, including the one that allows same gender couples to bear children. The dark lord laughed, his voice like sandpaper hurting Severus' ear and promised him a gift.
It wasn’t long before Lucius and Narcissa came into his home with gifts and congratulating him on his marriage. A marriage he didn’t know about. A marriage he didn’t want.
The days were the same, everyday he would wake up early to find the man he should call his husband on the floor, apparently sleeping beside him was too much for him. He would walk around the dark corridors, cleaning himself as much as he could and cook breakfast just for himself without Krecher’s help. It would be after half the day had gone by when his husband would walk out, still sleepy but despite not trying would still look beautiful, on the other hand severus, despite trying his hardest to take care of himself, from his hair to his face, he could never truly change it.
On some days they both would be civil, each in their own respective study rooms ,but the rest would always end up with them fighting each other, may it be something as small as a dish misplaced to the disturbing hierarchy. Severus didn’t want this either but what else was he supposed to do? At least he is not like the rest of the half bloods whose lives are destroyed. He is on the top, right beside his lord who knows, celebrates his strength. What is he meant to do? Betray? For Lily, maybe but for the rest who destroyed his life from inside, never.
Those days when they would fight sirius would go out and come home drunk out of his mind and severus, he would end up in the bath, trying to scrub himself from the ugliness from within him. His skin would turn red with many areas being filled with spots. They were an easy fix and even without a potion would go away naturally but they never helped. He would use scrubs, his nails or even stones like his mom.
Even after this he would be awake, waiting. Not that he wanted to but he was afraid that this drunk would come home and try to kill him like his father would. His breath reminds him of those times he wishes never occurred.
A long time had gone by for both of them. Severus guessed this is what happens when you are stuck in the same house with the same person, you do cave in. It started small with the chances of them fighting decreasing. Then Sirius started waking up early and going to sleep around the same time as Severus. They would have breakfast or Severus would have breakfast and Sirius would simply drink his coffee. Small talk was still hard between both of them but sometimes Sirius would ask about what the dark lord wanted from him abide sarcastically and on many occasions would end up with both of them injured.
Severus would catch Sirius looking outside his house at kids playing and families laughing. The muggleborns were no longer allowed to interact with purebloods and those who followed the dark lord and potter left his name to be with Lily, the only good thing he ever did according to the death eater but this meant that Sirius was alone.
Just like how he once was.
It was getting harder and harder to postpone the thing they were married for. The dark lord was waiting for the news of a child, after all he no longer had much work to do except gain information as he likes to say but Severus is sometimes reminded of aunties who would stand in the cold to listen to gossip about the new couple.
One day when bringing the topic up again it turned into a fight and then this fight turned into Severus bent in half with three of Sirius’ fingers up his ass. It didn’t feel nice, it didn’t feel good, it felt weird but the arm holding him while the man whispered how good he was taking it so easily while also talking about how disgusting he was Severus was confused and that confusion told him it would be better if he either lashed out or just take it and when you have been stuck in a marriage with no way out even a small gesture feels better than anything in the world.
Severus held the arm that circled him, tears clinged to his face and his hair was thrown on one side while the other side had his husband whisper into his ear, sometimes stopping to nibble his ear earning a whimper from the death eater.
It wasn’t long until Sirius felt he was good enough to take him and this ended with Severus filled with Sirius. Severus had never slept with anyone so he didn’t have anyone to compare him to but Severus knew that he was big but not painfully big. The pace Sirius took was alternating between fast and slow and Severus loved every second of it. His embarrassment left him leaving him a moaning mess, bright red with tears in his eyes. He held onto Sirius with all his might hoping he wouldn’t leave.
Severus came with a guttered moan followed by Sirius and they both laid there, panting and whimpering from the stimulation. None of them moved, holding onto each other as if their life depended on it.
The next day was the first time Severus woke up late and alone in bed. He walked down to the kitchen to find Sirius the same as ever. He did not change and neither did Severus.
The same ritual occurred for the next few months with Sirius taking him in every place possible. Neither would talk about it and it wasn’t long before the news struck. Severus was pregnant.
Despite what Severus thought, Sirius became attentive, sometimes there would be a phantom smile on his face but it was never towards him. Their fights didn’t stop either and neither did the harm Severus did to his body after those fights but what was he meant to do?
4 months pregnant Severus walked towards his husband sitting in front of his family portrait. His face had the same longing he always had and Severus wanted to remove it. Wanted to tell him that he had him but would Severus give himself to Sirius? If Sirius ever apologised for the thing he did to Severus would he ever forgive him?
“I don’t want to be like my mother.” Told Sirius with a voice that held all the fear he had. “Don’t make me hate you Snape, I don’t want to end up destroying whatever this is. I want to be here for the child.” That is when Severus got his answer. No. He would never truly ever forgive Sirius Black.
Sirius would not touch him but would leave water where he stood. He would not stop him from working but would not even try to help him. The child’s nursery was decorated by the Malfoys, both excited at the prospect of another child, especially a child that will further the name of the great and ancient house of Black.
In the cold winter morning of 11th December, through the painful process of the potion creating a vaginal canal for the delivery,Aludra Black was born. She was the most beautiful creature Severus ever saw. He held her in his shaky arms, exhausted from the constant pressure and with his body repairing himself. He let his tears flow free and held her to his heart, the heart he will give for her happiness.
After the birth, Severus would constantly touch Aludra, her hands, her tiny little feet and those plum cheeks but Sirius would never. Krecher would help him and Sirius did held her whenever she cried and Severus’ malnutritioned body wrecked from the delivery would end up not responding to him to his daughter but other than that he would just look at her. His face never showed a flicker of emotion but his eyes held regret.
Regret for what?
For being the reason the child was born?
Or for the fact that her father was a half blood ugly death eater?
Severus had so many questions that filled his brain but he never voiced them. It would be useless. So he held quiet and so did Sirius.
Whenever both felt that their voices were increasing each would just shut up and sit down. Their fights stopped.
It was replaced by each other’s constant presence.
This was not a life they both wished for but as Severus felt Sirius’ hand touch his and holding just his fingers he knew that they both would make sure that their child would have a life they both longed for.