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Pure Vanilla was slow to stand, words caught in his throat as he struggled to even find them.
His knees felt stiff and weak; from both fatigue and the panic currently circulating through him. This was not how he wanted his friends to find out. Not so abruptly, or without preparation; certainly not without Shadow Milk here
But fate has already decided, and now he must deal with the cards handed to him.
He reached behind him, motioning for Blueberry Muffin to come closer. She scrambled behind him, grabbing the back of his shirt tightly. Her nails dig into his back as she hurries her face into his shirt. Pure Vanilla ruffled her hair, feeling her lean into his touch. She wasn't afraid; not yet. But she's anticipating trouble.
Not the best first impression, he's sure.
He couldn't just stand there and mope about it, however. He had to say something- anything to smooth things over. Even if they'll be an argument about it later.
"Ah- Hello, my friend! I wasn't expecting you to visit!" Pure Vanilla exclaimed, a smile curling the edges of his lips. His dimples did not show.
White Lily's brows furrowed, her expression a bit soured. He's not sure what she's thinking- never has, really. Even if their relationship has repaired in recent years, it still sensitive at times.
Like now, for example.
"I was only passing by," She replied, tugging on the edges of her green coat. She's always ran cold, even if the weather such as today was on the warmer side.
"Oh, well, would you like to come inside? I can set tea, and we can... talk," He said slowly, feeling Blueberry Muffin's fingers dig harshly into his sides. He's sure she's staring at White Lily, trying to dissect everything she could from appearance alone.
White Lily glanced at the little girl behind him, her eyes holding a glint of curiosity, as she really took the the to study her. If not for the hair, she really would be a splitting image of her friend. The same eyes; the same skin-tone; the same face. All except for the hair.
But that doesn't make sense. Pure Vanilla didn't have children- he wasn't seeing anyone. At least, that's what he's told them.
And Pure Vanilla did not lie- especially not about situations such as these… so what happened here?
"If I wouldn't be a bother," White Lily hummed, her eyes falling back onto Pure Vanilla. He was tense around the shoulders, his smile too stilted to be fully genuine.
Nothing he was doing- from his demeanor to his posture- brought her any sense of comfort.
"Not at all," Pure Vanilla replied, taking Blueberry Muffin's hand and tugging her inside. He trusted White Lily to follow them.
Blueberry Muffin clenched his hand tightly, her lips trembling as she bit them. She didn't like the idea of letting a stranger into their home- even if they were a supposed friend of her dad. An uncomfortable knot curled in her stomach, only tempered with her dad's warm palm against hers. At the very least, she knows he'll keep her safe.
She glanced over her shoulder, taking in White Lily's tall stature and wine-red eyes. Her hair looked like a fluffy cloud, she thought to herself. White Lily noticed her stare, and she waved at the little girl. Meant to be polite, the movement came out stilted, and Blueberry Muffin quickly turned away.
Once they were inside, the door shutting with a hesitant 'click', Pure Vanilla crouched down in front of Blueberry Muffin. He gave her a soft smile, undoing the knots in her stomach effortlessly. She knew, then, that everything would be okay.
"Me and my friend, White Lily, are going to have a talk in the kitchen. Only for adult ears; so take Dandelion and go to your room, okay? I’ll let you know when you can come out," He explained carefully, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.
Blueberry Muffin bit her lip, examining his expression for any trace of dishonesty. "You'll be okay?"
Pure Vanilla grinned, lightly tapping the birthmark on her forehead. The little girl puffed up her cheeks in response, her worry quickly dissolving as Pure Vanilla spoke.
"I'll be okay, Muffin. Go to your room, and I'll let you know when it's time to come out."
The little girl's shoulders slumped, and he nodded her head. Taking a final glance at White Lily- still nervous to leave- she turned away. She called Dandelion from her bed, and fled the living room, leaving Pure Vanilla and White Lily alone.
Pure Vanilla hanged his head low, his shoulders dropping now that Blueberry Muffin wasn't here to see it. White Lily stepped around him, observing the sudden changes to the home she's grown familiar with.
There were photos on the walls, mostly Pure Vanilla's as they depicted their friend group in different places, different times that she faintly remembered. There were also photos of the little girl- none when she was a baby, just past the age of a toddler, she assumed.
The walls were freshly painted, too. Instead of browns and faint yellows of before, they were now glossy creams lined with dark blue trim. It was more fanciful than she's come to expect from Pure Vanilla, though the house feels a bit more cozy now.
But thing was…Pure Vanilla wouldn't have chosen this particular color scheme. Perhaps the cream, but the blues were too dark, too all consuming of light for him to pick out.
She ventured further into the kitchen, expecting to find more subtle changes in terms of kitchenware or amenities, and found herself frozen in place at a picture innocently displayed against the fridge.
There were very few people she truly despised. She tries not to, at least. But there has always been one person who managed to sully her efforts, having made it a point to antagonize her till her resolve cracked. Someone she truly loathed even by mention alone.
And he's displayed, lovingly, on her best friend's fridge.
There, looking at her with an awfully familiar scowl, was Shadow Milk. In his lap was the little girl, no older than five, hiding in his collarbone. The resemblance was unmistakably, then, and her initial assessment had been correct.
The little girl- Muffin, Pure Vanilla had called her- was Pure Vanilla's. And, if the photo was to be trusted, then Shadow Milk's, too.
She slowly turns her head towards Pure Vanilla, who had entered the kitchen quietly, and was calmly boiling water for tea. His fingers tap the counter-top slowly, without haste. Hesitantly she approaches, her hand settling upon his shoulder.
"Pure Vanilla?" She asked, her voice lowered into a hush whisper. "What happened?"
Pure Vanilla faintly smiled, lifting a few mugs onto a tray to carry back to the table. Her hand slips off his shoulder as he turns around, carefully balancing everything on his arm.
"Let's sit down first," He said. "I know you have questions, and they'll take some time to explain, I'm afraid."
And there they sat, for minutes on end, in a fragile silence. The tea was warm in White Lily's hand, perfectly steeped with the right amount of sugar as Pure Vanilla has always done.
She wished she could stomach even a few sips.
She waited for Pure Vanilla to speak; to explain to how he could have a daughter- with Shadow Milk, no less. After everything he's done to ruin him, to drag him into the deepest pits of misery… how could he still love him?
Pure Vanilla took a delicate sip of his tea, always careful to ensure none spilled, and finally broke the silence.
"... her name is Blueberry Muffin," He said, voice terrible fond and sweet as he spoke her name. "She's only eight, and she'll turn nine in August. A summer baby; isn't that cute?"
White Lily pursed her lips, her fingers tightening around the handle of the mug. "It seems to suit her."
Pure Vanilla scratched his neck, a faint blush on his cheeks. He appeared shy- nervous, too, but mostly shy. Not used to talking about her, then, as no one else seems to knows about her. It as if he's wanted to talk about her for a long time.
"Yes, it's quite nice," He hummed, setting the mug down with a small 'click' and letting out a soft sigh. "But that's not what wanted to know, is it?"
"... no, it wasn't," White Lily affirmed, glancing back at the photo on the fridge. "My concerns lie elsewhere."
"Right," Pure Vanilla murmured, folding his hands onto the table and sitting up straighter. "What would like to know?"
"Everything, preferably," She replied quickly, wincing at the eagerness of her tone. "I'm withholding my thoughts on the matter, as I fear I do not have the whole picture to make an accurate assessment on the situation."
"... I suppose that's the least I can do, as I haven't been honest with any of you," Pure Vanilla relented, holding the warm mug close to his chest.
He bit his lip, worried he'd overstep, and perhaps say the wrong thing. But there truly was no use hiding now; especially not from Lily, who'd figure it out herself if needed.
"...when me and Shadow Milk separated, he had been pregnant with our child. He never told me- afraid of what I'd say, or simply deeming it unnecessary when he was already leaving. I've known now for about 4 months," He explained, looking at her with such a mournful expression- one she's rarely seen on him.
"We only met again by accident. Muffin was sick, and he took her to my office for treatment- otherwise, I would have never known," Pure Vanilla humorless chuckled, shaking his head slowly. "It was unfortunate luck on Shadow Milk's part that brought us together, but for me, I couldn't have asked for a better miracle."
He says this with the most sickening fond look she's ever seen on him. He smiles bashfully, recalling how pretty Shadow Milk had looked in the waiting room that day. Pure Vanilla couldn't have asked for a better gift even if he had tried.
Across from him, White Lily felt conflicted. Admittedly, from a distance, the story he recounted was almost charming. Two lovers reuniting to raise their child together- a sweet love story from a novel she once perused through.
But this wasn't a story.
It was his life- Pure Vanilla's- once again being disrupted by Shadow Milk. Not out of malice intent for once, but the consequences of which included a child. One he kept secret and would have never revealed if not for a singular slip-up.
It didn't help that Pure Vanilla was biased in his retelling. He didn't reveal his thoughts on the matter, or how damning the knowledge that your partner kept a child from must have felt. Instead, he spoke with fondness, with love that has never faltered even when it should have.
"Pure Vanilla," She sighed, exasperation leaking into her tone. She fiddled with the end of her braid, a frown tugging at the corners of her lips. "Everything you've said so far has done little to soothe my concerns. If Shadow Milk was willing- still willing, in fact- to hide all this from you, how can I trust him with you? When he's already failed you so terribly in the past?"
"Because he's changing," Pure Vanilla explained, that soft smile returning to his face, his dimples making themselves known. "He's trying to get better- really better. It's still him, but he's learned to be kinder, to be more patient. He's changed, Lily, and I couldn't be happier."
Oh, how she wanted to believe him. That Shadow Milk has changed for the better, turned a new leaf and made strides to mend past wounds.
But she couldn't, nor could she trust Pure Vanilla's words wholly. Not for a lack of trying; but because there was only so much she could know from just him. His sweet retelling of events only solidified that.
She hasn't seen Shadow Milk in years, after all. How could she believe he's changed, when everything he's ever done was out of selfishness? Out of cowardice?
"Forgive me," She mumbled, her eyes drifting to the kitchen table. She felt almost guilty for feeling such a way, but knew where her discomfort stemmed from. "But I find it difficult to believe, as I have yet to see it for myself."
Pure Vanilla smile saddened, but he didn't fault her. Not for this, not for taking his words with a grain of salt. Their past together, Shadow Milk's and White Lily's, was never good. He knew, then, he could not blame her.
"I understand," He replied, reaching his hand to take the cold mug from her. Even if she didn't drink it, he hoped the warmth was at least some comfort.
As he stood to place the mugs in the sink, White Lily gently grabbed his arm. He looked at her, a bit surprised by her forwardness, and saw the careful compassion shining in her eyes.
"But..." She began, bitting her lip lightly. "I would like to see it. If he's truly changed, I would like to meet him anew."
She looked down at the table, her voice softening as she continued. "Who am I deny someone making the effort to better themselves? If they make strides to mend the wounds they've inflicted?"
She stood from her chair, reaching out to take back her mug. Even if it was cold, she still drank her tea, and it was just as she liked it. No matter how much they've changed, he still knew how to make her tea, and it warmed her heart.
White Lily hesitated for a moment before taking Pure Vanilla's empty hand. Her eyes shined with signs of regret; a past that still haunts her.
"I've made mistakes, too. And I pay for them everyday to make amends," She said, a faint smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "It has always been my hope that we all can be better than our mistakes. And I hope, too, that Shadow Milk can as well; even with my personal reservations."
Pure Vanilla looked at her, stunned. He knew, logically, that White Lily always believed people could be better. That their mistakes didn't define them- even when she excludes herself from the equation.
So maybe he shouldn't have been so scared to tell her when she herself believes in redemption.
He smiled at her, small tears forming near the corners of his eyes. The tension that had seized him earlier began to dissipate as he began to relax.
"Thank you, Lily," He said, voice filled with relief. "I know this isn't as simple as I'm making it out to be. It's just... it's good, you know? I'm happy, but I'm worried about hurting those I care about the most."
"Oh, Pure Vanilla. You truly are kind, and I know you meant well, but hiding such news will only bring us more worry. I hope that you can come to us on your own time, though," She replied, handing him back the now empty mug.
"I suppose I should be leaving now," She mumbled, smoothing out the wrinkles of her coat. "I do not wish to intrude any further."
"You could never intrude," Pure Vanilla chuckled, leading her towards the door. "I always appreciate having you visit."
"As do I," White Lily agreed, her brow quirking up, as if she knew a joke that he wouldn't understand. "But I know that should I stay any longer, I may anger a certain beast."
They shared a laugh, and as White Lily walked away, she gave Pure Vanilla's a small wave. He watched her leave, and felt his anxieties fall away.
He entered back inside, and placed the mugs in the sink. It would still be a few hours before Shadow Milk returns home, but he could at least set the meat out to thaw.
It also gave him time to come up with an explanation, as he doubts he could keep White Lily's visit a secret for long- if at all. At the very least, he knew that his friends could accept Shadow Milk, and one day, his daughter, too.
-
Shadow Milk arrives back home dead on his feet. He stumbles inside, backpack slipping off his shoulders and hitting the ground with a loud 'thud.' As much as he would like to sleep, he still had dinner to prepare.
From the kitchen, he can hear Pure Vanilla and Blueberry Muffin chatting away, presumably about homework if them talking about essays due by the end of the week was anything to go by. The book name slips his mind; but Blueberry Muffin hadn't enjoyed it and put the essay off for as long as she could.
He enters the kitchen with a huff, approaching the table with a slight stumble in his step. He may be playing up the dramatics; the day was more boring than strenuous, but he should be allowed a bit of fun.
Shadow Milk bends down to quickly pop a kiss a top Blueberry Muffin head, listening to her giggle happily in response, and then pressing a kiss to Pure Vanilla's cheek. He was feeling particularly affectionate that night, as he wrapped his arms around Pure Vanilla's shoulders.
"Hmm. So, what have my two favorite people done today?" He asked, leaning most of his weight against Pure Vanilla. He smelt like freshly pressed flowers, and he wished to drown in it.
Blueberry Muffin grinned, excitedly pushing away her homework sheet as she pulled out a drawing. There, she depicted the front of their house with an abundance of new flowers. He vaguely recalls seeing them as he entered, wondering for a moment if he was hallucinating.
"Me and dad planted flowers! He let me choose them," She explained, pointing to each one and rattling off their names. "We got marigolds, cornflowers..."
Shadow Milk ruffled her hair, chuckling at the pout on her face. She's calling him dad; good, that's good. He quickly pressed a kiss to her forehead, giving her cheeks a pinch.
Blueberry Muffin whined and batted his face away, making Shadow Milk cackle in delight. He pushed himself off of Pure Vanilla, giving him a light shove before walking towards the kitchen counter where thankfully Pure Vanilla left the meat out to thaw.
"The front yard was looking a bit too dead for my liking, and you certainly have taste, starlight! Now this place is really coming together," He hummed, tying an apron around his waist and pulling out a cutting board.
Behind him, Pure Vanilla leaned over to Blueberry Muffin side and cupped her ear. Quietly, he whispered, "Can you go to your room? Me and papa need to have an adult talk."
Blueberry Muffin puffed up her cheeks, her brows furrowed in annoyance. "But you already had an adult talk today."
"Sometimes, adults need to have more than one," Pure Vanilla explained, and the little girl rolled her eyes.
"Fine, but you're reading to me tonight!" She huffed, stomping back to her bedroom with her arms crossed.
Shadow Milk watched from his vantage point her retreating form and shook his head with a fond chuckle. "What did you do to make her so annoyed? I didn't think it was possible."
Pure Vanilla came up behind him, his hands settling on his hips as he rested his chin on Shadow Milk's shoulder. "I may have sent her away too many times today," he replied quietly.
Shadow Milk rolled his eyes, a slight grin on his face. He pulled out his knife and began cutting the meat into smaller portions. Maybe something simple for tonight; pasta with meatballs? That didn't sound too bad.
"Why? What 'adult talks' could you have been having?" He asked, his voice full of amusement. "I'm sure it couldn't have been that serious."
"Actually," Pure Vanilla drawled, his expression souring slightly. "There's something I have to tell you about."
Shadow Milk glanced over his shoulder, his brow raised curiously. He set the knife down gently and pushed the cutting board aside. He's not going to get much done, it seems. The tone Pure Vanilla was using, the slight crack in his voice, didn't imply anything good.
"Tell me what?" Shadow Milk asked, carefully maintaining his composer- he's been trying to not jump to the worst conclusions, recently. "What could have happened in the few hours I was gone?"
Pure Vanilla wrapped his arms tightly around Shadow Milk's waist, slowly pulling him away from the counter. He nervously chuckled, pressing his face into his hair. "I am… trying to find the words, but I fear that whatever I say will infuriate you."
"Well the longer you draw this out the worse it'll be," Shadow Milk pointed out, his eyes narrowing with annoyance. "Spit it out already, Nilly. What could possibly make me so mad?"
Pure Vanilla grimaced, and mumbled into his hair, muffling his words completely. Shadow Milk scowled and pushed Pure Vanilla's chin off him.
"Stop being a baby and tell me, Pure Vanilla!" He shouted, twisting around in Pure Vanilla's arms and grabbing his chin forcefully. "Tell me, because you're pissing me off."
With his cheeks squished together, Pure Vanilla struggled to speak. What was meant to be a soft admission of guilt came out as garbled nonsense.
"Wwhite Wily… ame by…" He struggled to say, but Shadow Milk understood it. How badly he wished he didn't.
His hand relaxed its hold on Pure Vanilla's face, and his eyes grew comically wide. As if the notion of White Lily visiting their home was ridiculous. And maybe it was to Shadow Milk, who never wished to see her again.
But for Pure Vanilla, it would have been a friendly visit.
And then, Shadow Milk chuckled. It came out breathlessly, shaking his shoulders as it slowly grew in volume. He clapped his hands together, his torso folding in on itself.
Pure Vanilla winced at a particular shrill giggle, his expression anxious as Shadow Milk just… laughed. Laughed himself back to the counter where he gripped the edge, as if he'll fall down without it. He looked away from him, his hair covering his face completely as he laughed to himself.
Eventually, Shadow Milk's laughter turned into light giggles, barely contained by his hand against his lips in an attempt to muffle himself. He glanced behind him, his eyes crinkled around the edges as he stared at Pure Vanilla with restrained fury.
"Wow!" Shadow Milk exclaimed, bitting back another burst of laughter. "Wow, you were right! I feel absolutely livid right now!"
"Shadow Milk," Pure Vanilla began, his worry growing as Shadow Milk dug his nails into his cheeks. "It was by accident. She was just passing by and saw Blueberry Muffin and I gardening; you know I wouldn't-"
"Sure!" Shadow Milk cheered, ripping his hand away from his face. He leaned against the counter-top, holding his wrist tightly in his grasp. "I know- I know. You… you wouldn't do that," He giggled, his smile pained as his tugged uncomfortably at his lips.
Pure Vanilla reached out, pulling Shadow Milk's hand away from his wrist. His hands were shaking, and he pressed his thumb delicately into the pulse point. He could feel Shadow Milk's heart pounding, and he cupped his cheek.
"Do you need to lie down for a bit?" He asked kindly, wincing at the glare Shadow Milk directed towards him. "You're trembling."
Shadow Milk shook his head, thumping his head lightly against Pure Vanilla's chest. He face felt hot with fury, and the urge to just scream was clawing at his lungs.
But what use would screaming do?
Instead, he focused on quieting his shaky laughter, and on the gentle thrum of Pure Vanilla's heart.
"Just- fuck… give me a second," He sighed, urging the tension coiling around his body to settle. It took a few minutes before he could feel the tips of his fingers, the slight tremble of his shoulders, and the heat on his cheeks.
Once he felt without anger, he pulled away from Pure Vanilla. He wiped built up sweat off his face, his eyes squeezed closed, and he spoke.
"Yeah, wow… that's just- great, actually," He clicked his tongue, looking up to see Pure Vanilla's concerned expression. He rolled his eyes and flicked the tip of his nose, a scowl pulling at his lips.
"Stop looking so sad- I'm fine. I go to therapy for a reason, fuck…" He bristled, pulling stray hairs out of his face. "Do the rest of them know?"
"No," Pure Vanilla affirmed, his voice quiet as he spoke. "They don't. White Lily wouldn't tell them unless I told her it was alright to do so."
"Well, isn't that comforting," Shadow Milk hummed, turning back to the cutting board and picking up his knife. "They don't know; how long will that last, hm?"
"You're saying that as if I planned for this to happen," Pure Vanilla crossed his arms, a slight twitch in his brow. "I only told White Lily the basics- nothing more, as I knew you wouldn't react well."
"Oh, how kind of you," Shadow Milk said, sarcasm dripping off his tone. "Thinking about my feelings, as if they actually mattered when stacked against theirs. Doesn't matter what I felt about her knowing; no, she gets the right to know, of course she does."
Shadow Milk's voice was bitter as he spoke, roughly cutting the meat and ending up with scraps too small to use. He wasn't focused on dinner anymore; he just needed something to focus on, something that won't break in the path of his rage.
"Doesn't matter that I said, many times before, I wasn't comfortable with them knowing. No, I'm just irrational, delusional in my dislike for them! What does it matter what I feel?!" He exclaimed, the knife slipping and slamming into the cutting board.
He grew still, staring down at the board with his hand clenched tightly around the knife handle. He mumbled, more to himself, "It doesn't matter."
The kitchen felt too closed in for his liking. Dropping the knife as if it burned, Shadow Milk quickly left, brushing past a quiet Pure Vanilla and wiping his face quickly.
He didn't want to do this right now.
He dropped onto the couch, covering his face with his hands. The laughing fit had given him a headache, and he knew it wouldn't pass for hours. What horrible luck he has.
Next to him he felt the couch dip, and a warm hand rested on his knee. Even with his frustration with the man, Shadow Milk was soothed by the touch. Peaking through his fingers, he saw Pure Vanilla's melancholy look, and knew he really didn't mean for this to happen.
It didn't resolve his inner turmoil, but at the very least his rage turned into a simmer.
He's truly grown soft, Shadow Milk thinks, as he begins to slump over and rest his head on Pure Vanilla's shoulder. He never thought he'd be unwound so precisely by anyone, and yet, Pure Vanilla managed to do it in no time at all.
Pure Vanilla placed his hand on Shadow Milk's shoulder, brushing his thumb against the freckled skin slowly. "It's always mattered, Bluebird. I didn't mean to imply they didn't."
Shadow Milk dropped his hands from his face, twirling a strand of blue hair around his finger. He needs to cut it soon, he thinks, and lets his eyes flutter shut.
"Clearly not," He replied quietly. "Two out of four know now. What's even the point of hiding it anymore?" He sighed, pulling out a few strands. "Just tell them already; get it over with."
Pure Vanilla lightly pulled Shadow Milk's hand away from his hair, weaving their fingers together. He always does that; every chance he gets, he locks their hands together, as if he's afraid he'll leave.
"I'm not going to without both of us agreeing to it, Shadow Milk," He said. "As much as I would love to tell them, I shouldn't be making choices without considering you, too, and you've made your discomfort clear," He explained, resting his chin a top Shadow Milk's head.
"They'll know, however. They'll find out, whether I want them to or not," Shadow Milk grumbled, squeezing Pure Vanilla's hand tightly.
"They will," Pure Vanilla agreed. "They'll find out; whether it be a slip of the tongue, or they see us together. They'll know… but wouldn't them knowing bring you peace?"
Shadow Milk eyes slowly opened, slightly baffled by his question. "Peace…? How would them knowing give me peace?"
"Once they know, that's it. No more hiding, no more wondering when we'll slip up. They'll know, and that'll be it," Pure Vanilla hummed, pulling Shadow Milk onto his lap.
"…it's not that simple," Shadow Milk sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Why can't it be?" Pure Vanilla questioned.
"They'll think they have a right to barge into my life, then, and I'll be expected to be nice with them. Play host while being forced to accommodate them when they'd never give me the same courtesy," He scoffed, rolling his eyes in disgust.
Pure Vanilla grimaced, pressing his cheek against his hair. "I'm sure they wouldn't do such a thing, especially since you haven't exactly been the nicest towards them."
"They knew why," he bristled. "They know why I dislike them."
Pure Vanilla hummed, and then realized something a bit odd- something he hadn't really questioned before. "… actually, come to think of it, I don't. Why don't you like my friends?" He asked, genuinely curious. "I never really figured it out."
"That was the point," Shadow Milk mumbled into his neck.
"Well, can you tell me now?"
"I don't see how that would help," Shadow Milk huffed.
"It would help me understand your point of view better, Bluebird. I can't help if I don't have all the facts," Pure Vanilla replied, and Shadow Milk frowned.
He bit his lip, contemplating his words carefully. "It'll sound stupid."
"Well, I won't know that unless you actually tell me, will I?" Pure Vanilla lightly chuckled, making Shadow Milk roll his eyes.
He's never admitted his dislike for his friends. His dislike is just known -through his actions and general avoidance of them during their time in college- what reason did he have to explain himself?
But… maybe it would be nice to be heard, just this once. Shadow Milk will have to tell his therapist later; a sign of progress, he supposed.
"…I saw the way they looked at me," He began, his eyes narrowing as he recalled old memories. "I remember the first time you introduced me to them, and how their expressions soured. I hadn't even said anything and they already decided I was scum."
Pure Vanilla chose to remain silent, letting Shadow Milk speak freely without interruption. It was comforting, honestly.
"No matter what I did, no matter how quiet I was, they were always waiting for me to fuck up. A reason to tell you to leave, an excuse to ignore my entire existence," He hissed, and then his voice took on a more somber tone.
"And I know, alright? I know I wasn't good, and I was a shitty partner to you. I know. But before I could even speak, before I could even try, their judgments of me were already in place," He murmured, regret coiling in tightly around his stomach.
"What was the point in trying when I knew I wasn't wanted? If they hated me from the start, they'll hate me now, too. And if their feelings transfer to Muffin? I'd never forgive myself."
The truth felt bitter on Shadow Milk's tongue, burning it as it tumbled past his lips. He glared down at the floor, an old hatred reigniting.
"So, no. I don't like your friends, and I'll never like them no matter how many times we meet. I don't want to be apart of their lives, and them in mine."
"That… makes sense, unfortunately," Pure Vanilla sighed. "I'm not going to force you to like them; I couldn't do that even if I tried. But I can't just stop being friends with them, either."
"I'm well aware of that. I already tried that before, remember?" He scoffed, crossing his leg over the other.
"Yes, I do. And I know you aren't one for repeating acts," He hummed. "I can't change their opinion of you, or your opinion on them. But I assure you that they wouldn't hate Muffin for her relation to you. My friends aren't perfect; but they wouldn't wish her harm, Shadow Milk."
Shadow Milk's brows pinched together, a look of worry creeping into his expression. "You can promise they wouldn't treat her differently? Even when I'm around, they'll treat her with kindness?"
"I promise you," Pure Vanilla said. "They would love her, despite their dislike of you."
Shadow Milk thumped his head against Pure Vanilla's chest, letting out a tired hum. "Then… they can know. All that's left, then, is to move on, huh?" Shadow Milk huffed.
Pure Vanilla shook his head, his eyes half-lidded and still kind. "Not exactly. Perhaps closure, in knowing that while things will always be tense between you all, at the very least, it won't feel like hiding anymore."
Shadow Milk became quiet for a moment. He clicked his tongue, his fingers lightly tapping on his arm. "…maybe. Still, I don't want to see them."
"You don't have to- at least not often. I can tell them first, and we'll take it from there," Pure Vanilla hummed, smiling softly at him.
"Hmm… I would miss out on seeing their reactions… but I rather die then sit in a closed space with them again," Shadow Milk sighed, letting his shoulders drop as he finally began to relax. "I'll… see them later."
Pure Vanilla kissed Shadow Milk's cheek, giggling at how his cheeks turned red. "Thank you, my love. Though, how about Blueberry Muffin meeting them?"
"…give it a few weeks. I'm sure they'll be hounding you to see her anyway," Shadow Milk pointed out, making Pure Vanilla nervously chuckle.
"I suppose you are correct."
-
A week later, Pure Vanilla found himself with his friends at the diner they regularly visited together.
He had asked Black Raisin if they could stay in the back corner this time, having guessed they would cause a commotion- though unintentionally. Black Raisin had raised her brow, curious by his request, but told him that they could sit anywhere they wanted.
Now, sitting within a booth where he was pressed against the wall, Pure Vanilla was feeling a bit nervous. For one, he didn't tell Hollyberry or White Lily he'd be making his announcement, and he realized that Dark Cacao and Golden Cheese would be the last to know.
He really wished he could have surprised them all, but there wasn't any time for regrets.
All Pure Vanilla had in front of him was a hot chocolate as he listened to his friends chatter among themselves. He didn't want to interrupt, but he's waited long enough. No point in delaying now.
"My friends," He said, drawing their attention. "I have something to tell you all."
Hollyberry looked him him quizzically, and Golden Cheese quirked her brow. She leaned forward onto her arms, her eyes twinkling with excitement.
"Do tell. It has been some time since you've 'had something' to tell us," She chuckled, and then huffed when Dark Cacao nudged her shoulder.
Pure Vanilla smiled happily, reaching into his bag to find his wallet. "It's happy news, I can assure you."
"And we'll be glad to hear it," Dark Cacao responded, taking a sip of his warm tea.
White Lily looked him curiously, her nails lightly scratching against the table. She tracks his movements carefully, already knowing where this will lead.
Once Pure Vanilla finds it, he pulls out a small photograph. A new one, freshly printed it seems, and he placed it delicately on the table. Then he sat back, hands folded on his lap, and waited for their reaction.
Oh, and what a reaction it was. He wished Shadow Milk was here to see it; he'd certainly enjoy it.
Golden Cheese's eyes had widened, and looked confused by what she was seeing. Dark Cacao, who had been sipping his tea, choked on it and hit his chest repeatedly. Hollyberry had cheerfully laughed, ruffling his hair affectionately. White Lily analyzed the photo carefully, and gave a small smile in response.
Once her shock had passed, Golden Cheese picked the photo up and held it close to her face. She was more intrigued now, her eyes narrowed.
"Is this actually Shadow Milk?" She asked curiously. "I've never seen him so… soft."
Pure Vanilla giggled, a light blush dusting his cheeks. The particular photo was one of Shadow Milk and Blueberry Muffin, reading a book before bed. He had asked Shadow Milk before what picture he should take, and Shadow Milk had mischievously handed him this one.
"They'll be confused," He had said, and kissed him on the cheek before he left.
"Yes, it is," Pure Vanilla replied happily. "As well as my daughter, Blueberry Muffin."
Dark Cacao looked just about ready to pass out, looking terribly confused and out of the loop. "What do you mean 'daughter?'"
Pure Vanilla scratched his cheek, letting out a nervous chuckle. "Well… Shadow Milk had her after our breakup, and has raised her every since. We've been together for a few months now."
Golden Cheese placed the photo back on the table, arms crossing over her chest, and giving him a look of disbelief. "You've managed to hide this for months? You?"
Hollyberry chimed in, grinning at her cheekily. "Actually, he messed up hiding it from the very beginning! I found out by accident the same day he did!"
Pure Vanilla smile wobbled as Dark Cacao stared at him, giggling at Golden Cheese's hilarious expression of pure betrayal at having to find out last.
"It had been an accident, really!" He explained quickly. "I really wanted to tell you all at the same time! It's just that it didn't work out that way," He lightly laughed, brushing loose strands away from his face.
"The audacity!" Golden Cheese cried, feigning distress at his admission. "To think you would keep such news from us! And to lie about having a partner! You truly are greedy."
Pure Vanilla blinked at that, his head tilting to the side. "Huh?"
Golden Cheese grinned, leaning back in the booth with her arms behind her head. "You've kept your lover, Shadow Milk of all people, hidden from us! As well as a daughter; if that wasn't greed by keeping them to yourself, I don't know what is!"
"That's not-" Pure Vanilla began, and was interrupted by Dark Cacao.
"And your happy with this… arrangement?" He asked, his tone serious. "If I recall correctly, Shadow Milk was not exactly… stable."
Pure Vanilla's smile wilted then. He knows their words came from a place of genuine concern for his safety, and that they weren't intentionally meant to be read as malicious. But that particular wording irked him, knowing how badly Shadow Milk truly was psychologically at the time.
They couldn't have known that, though. He can't reasonably lay blame when they would never know the full context that led up to what they are now. Still, it wasn't a pleasant feeling hearing your friends speak poorly about your partner, even if their questions made sense.
A conversation for another time, he supposed.
"I am happy, my friend," Pure Vanilla affirmed, his voice softening slightly. "I'm the happiest I've ever been."
Dark Cacao's brows furrowed, but eventually he nodded. He leaned back, letting out a tired sigh. "As long as you are safe then I suppose I can accept this. However, if he ever brings you harm, I will not hesitate to take action."
Pure Vanilla nodded, having long since expected such a response. Quietly, White Lily spoke up from her end of the table.
"When can we meet them?" She asked, her tone cautiously hopeful. "It would be nice to meet them properly."
Pure Vanilla picked the photo up delicately, mindful to no crease it. He placed it back inside his wallet before responding.
"I'm sure you all will be able to meet Blueberry Muffin soon, but as for Shadow Milk, I am uncertain. He's made it clear he would rather avoid you all," He said, giving them an apologetic smile.
"I'm sure he'll meet you all again, but give him time. He's trying to be better, and only asks for you all to treat our daughter with kindness you cannot offer towards him."
His friends understood his stance, at least. Hollyberry threw her arm over his shoulder, grinning at him. "Of course we'll care of little Muffin! She's an absolute sweetheart."
"She took more after you it appears," Golden Cheese pointed out. "Birth mark and all."
"Hm. I fear I am not good with children, but I would like to meet her," Dark Cacao said, his expression softening slightly. "I'm sure Dark Coco will find her pleasant."
"I, too, would like to reintroduce myself," White Lily hummed, her eyes crinkling at the edges. "I fear I may have frightened her."
All his friends spoke of Blueberry Muffin with kindness, and a hope to meet her soon. It made Pure Vanilla's chest feel warm, knowing that his daughter was loved by those he himself cared for.
It may take time for them to accept Shadow Milk. It may never arrive. But this bridge they formed- a mutual wish to Blueberry Muffin happy- brought him hope.
And Pure Vanilla couldn't be happier.