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The air around Izuku is stuffy. The slight buzz in her head from two beers is doing little to help with how uncomfortable she already is in this situation. Her skin feels clammy underneath her hoodie and jeans. The dorms are already kept warm as it is; half the class huddling in the darkened common room only makes it all the more suffocating.
She pulls at the collar of her hoodie and sits up as straight as she can. Maybe her head being a few centimeters higher could make it easier to breathe.
It doesn’t work.
There’s sweat beading on the side of her temple that’s not from the heat. Izuku swallows nervously as Kaminari places the empty beer bottle in the middle of their circle. His drunken smile lights up half his face. Almost the entire rest of the group mirrors it. Izuku’s is wobbly and forced.
As always, her eyes seek out Kacchan among the group. He sticks out like a sore thumb; arms crossed over his chest, with a scowl on his lips as he hunches in on himself. He’s probably the only sober one in their entire dorm.
How he of all people managed to be dragged here is beyond anything Izuku can think of.
This entire thing was Ashido’s idea in the first place. Izuku isn’t sure what sparked the idea, but she came stumbling into the center of the room with Jirou wrapped around one arm and swinging an empty beer bottle in her free hand.
That smile of hers is dangerous. She could probably start and end another war all on her own from just the sight. The way she could compel eight people to follow along with her whims no matter how outrageous should be studied by quirk scientists.
Not all of them were willing, to be fair. Uraraka had to drag Izuku over by the arm. Jirou only joined after being encouraged by a tipsy, blushing Yaoyorozu. Kacchan was kicking and screaming until Kaminari whispered something into his ear that finally seemed to convince him.
Now, here they all sit, legs crossed on the floor, with their eyes excitedly flicking around the circle. Izuku’s gaze is stuck on the floor, only shifting to check if Kacchan is still sitting with all of them. His eyes are shut, a scowl on his face as his eyebrow twitches from Kaminari’s yelling.
This is supposed to be fun, isn’t it? Just something ordinary teenagers do at a party to let loose?
Izuku isn’t an ordinary teenager though. She’s celebrated as the ‘One For All’ Hero Deku worldwide. She managed to rescue the little Tenko that was still trapped inside the evil incarnate. She’s 17 and has never had a first kiss, let alone a first date.
Oh, and no one besides her even knows she’s a girl.
Izuku herself only became aware of it after the war. With the dust settling and a sense of normalcy coming back into their lives, Izuku was finally able to focus on herself instead of her quirk.
She had never been the most confident person. For as long as she can remember, she has considered her appearance to be average if not below that. Chubby cheeks. Unruly hair that now falls to her shoulders. Freckles and sunspots that litter her scarred skin. The baggy clothes she wears these days help to hide her figure, not flatter it.
It’s funny. At 15, she was proud of the muscles that replaced her once thin limbs. At 17 going on 18, she wishes they were gone. Whenever one of the guys gives her a compliment in the locker room, she feels a part of her soul crack and fade into dust.
Izuku is well aware that female pro heroes can be muscular! Gosh, Uraraka’s bicep could almost rival hers at this point. Uraraka is still very obviously a girl though. Izuku is—well.
Not.
She does her best to appear as feminine as she can despite not wanting a single other person to know. She keeps her voice high pitched. Does her best to appear as androgynous as possible. One day a stranger even called her ‘Miss’ from behind thanks to her hair and height! Though her joy died the moment she turned around and they apologized for being ‘mistaken’. Izuku’s forgiving smile didn’t meet her eyes.
The world also decided it wasn’t going to let her gender identity crisis be the only thing for her to worry about. No, she just had to simultaneously realize that she’s in love with Kacchan, like, a month after the fact.
She had always just chalked it up to admiration. Kacchan is amazing. He has known he was a guy since they were five. Cutting his own hair with Auntie Mitsuki’s sewing scissors and setting the discarded locks ablaze with the sparks of his newly developed quirk.
Izuku can still smell the burnt hair and hear Mitsuki’s yelling twelve years later.
Kacchan had little to no bumps at all in his transition. He got puberty blockers at eleven, his name legally changed at fifteen, and started hormone replacement therapy a few months after the war. And it’s, uh, yeah. He’s started walking around shirtless, proud of his new gains. Izuku may or may not have accidentally triggered float a few times thanks to it.
Of all people Izuku should feel comfortable talking to about her gender identity, Kacchan should be at the top of the list. It’s just… ugh, their experiences are just so different! Kacchan has always known and been so sure of himself. Izuku still sometimes wakes up and hopes her ‘phase’ has ended so she can start wearing tank tops again. Seriously, why is it so hot in July?
What if Kacchan thinks she’s making it up? Or making fun of him and trans people in general because she trips over her words and butchers her coming out? She’d have to die!
But no, the biggest problem Izuku is facing—aside from the crippling gender crisis and realizing she’s in love with her once childhood friend, now (kind of) best friend—is the fact that said friend is gay. A boy who likes boys. Other boys, which Izuku is not.
At least, she’s pretty sure he’s gay. Kacchan has never shown any interest in girls. Not that he’s really shown any interest in guys either, but he might just be closeted!
Izuku would rather die than ever approach the conversation of sexuality with Kacchan, though. Her own assumptions would have to do for now. Kacchan is bound to get a boyfriend soon anyway. He gets tons of confession letters that totally don’t make Izuku want to punch a hole through his locker and—
“Deku-kun!”
“YES!”
Her high pitch yell causes laughter to ripple across the group. Uraraka is pulling on her arm again with that teasing glint in her eye. Izuku gives a nervous smile and ignores the drop of sweat falling down her back.
“You’re up first! Spin that bottle, Deku-kun!”
Izuku’s throat immediately runs dry.
“W-What?! Why me?!”
“It’s your birthday tomorrow, you know? Think of this as an early celebration! Kick off your 18th with a bang!” Uraraka knocks her fist into her palm to exaggerate the sentence.
Kaminari makes an obscene gesture at his crotch and calls out, “Literally!”
The laughter that results doesn’t make her feel any better. Izuku has never wished so desperately for the ground to open and swallow her whole. She’s going to have to spend the next seven minutes locked in the supply closet with whoever the tip of this bottle lands on. She’s probably going to have her first kiss. Someone might touch her dick. This is terrifying and she’s supposed to be excited about this?!
Her hand shakes as it hovers over the bottle. Shit, her entire body is shaking. She thinks her teeth might even be chattering. Everyone can definitely see how nervous she is. This sucks this sucks this sucks—
She doesn’t even realize she’s spun the bottle until the tense silence is interrupted by muffled screams. Her eyes shift up from the tip of the bottle—her heart pulsing in her throat until it drops into her ass once she makes eye contact with the person it’s pointing to.
Kacchan is staring at her with eyes wider than she’s ever seen. His arms are being whacked on both sides by Kaminari and Ashido. He should be yelling at them. Telling them to fuck off as he gets up and leaves the circle.
He just stays sitting. As if his entire body is glued to the ground. Did Mineta throw his quirk down as a joke? No—no, he was banned from playing. He should be taped to his door inside his dorm. There should be nothing stopping Kacchan from walking away in disgust. So why is he just looking at her?
“Well since neither of you are going to move on your own—”
A slap on her arm suddenly has Izuku hovering in the middle of the common room. “Urara—aaH!”
Upside down, he sees Uraraka cross the distance of the circle and land a hit on Kacchan as well. “HEY! FUCKING DROP ME PINK CHEEKS!! YOU’RE DEAD THE SECOND I’M DOWN!”
Uraraka only grins evilly. “You can kill me in seven minutes! Rules of the game! Have fun boys!!”
The two of them float into the closet and the door slams behind them after Uraraka exclaims ‘Release!’. They land in a heap on the floor, both groaning.
Izuku can hear the laughter through the door. The whispers she can’t properly make out. She rubs out the ache in her head from where it hit the floor as she sits up properly. The only light in here is a small bulb that’s swinging from the impact of their fall.
Kacchan is already sitting up against the wall. The tips of his ears are a burning scarlet as his eyes jump around, landing everywhere except Izuku’s face. He’s probably humiliated but chose not to make a scene, for some reason. Even if that’s completely out of character.
Izuku coughs in an attempt to clear out the nerves in her voice. “K-Kacchan.” She winces at the crack but pushes on. “We, uh, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. It’s not like anyone would know.”
He finally turns to look at her. Well, more like his neck immediately snaps in her direction as his eyes narrow. Izuku fails to hide the small squeal of surprise in the back of her throat.
“You scared of a fucking kiss, Deku?”
“What? No—Just, you probably don’t want it and that’s fine.”
“What do you know about what I want? I agreed to play the stupid game just like you.”
Izuku suppresses the urge to ram her head through the wall. This is Kacchan. Obviously he’s not going to back down from something he agreed to do. What is she thinking?! There has to be a way to explain why they can’t kiss even if Izuku wants it so bad her heart feels like it’s going to burst from her chest.
“Okay, but—”
“But what?”
There has to be a way, right? She doesn’t need to come out. “I’m–I’m not—”
Kacchan sighs and rubs at his temple. “Are you seriously going to try to tell me you’re not gay so you won’t kiss me? Seriously? You of all people don’t like men?”
“I… okay no.” Has she really made it that obvious that she’s into guys? At least that’s one less thing she needs to worry about telling people. Izuku pulls at the sleeves of her hoodie and knocks her fists against her forehead. There’s no way around this, is there? She takes a deep breath to steady her resolve before spitting out, “It’s not about me liking men, it’s about you liking men.”
“...What?”
“Okay, that sounds bad, but… fuck, this isn’t easy to say. I’m not trying to say I don’t want to kiss you because you’re gay and I’m homophobic or anything. I'm saying we can’t kiss because you like boys and I’m… I’m not. I’m not a boy, Kacchan.”
Izuku can barely hear anything over the blood roaring in her ears. Her eyes are stuck on Kacchan’s face to gauge his reaction. His irritated expression drops in an instant. The same look from earlier in the circle is back on his face. His crimson eyes wide and vibrant. His response is so low Izuku isn’t even sure if she hears it.
“Oh.”
She scratches at the back of her neck and shifts her gaze to the floor. “Yeah. I haven’t, uh, told anyone? Not even my mom. I didn’t know how to say it. I still don’t know how to say it.”
“Izuku—”
“So, yeah. We don’t have to do this. You only like guys and that’s fine and I’m not about to put you out of your comfort zone so we can just lie and say it happened and—”
Her rambling is cut off by chapped lips roughly pressing against hers. Kacchan’s warm, clammy hand is gripping onto her cheek for dear life as their faces smush together. Izuku can feel his teeth against hers. Her nose hurts from pushing into his cheek bone. By every metric, it’s a horrible first kiss.
Yet Izuku doesn’t think she would change a single thing about it.
Still, she pushes at his chest to knock him back as questions start flying in her head. “Kacchan? What—”
“I’m not gay, you fucking idiot.”
“Oh. Well, you never showed any interest in girls so I thought—”
“I showed a lot of interest in one fucking girl, apparently, and she clearly had no idea.”
A beat passes, and then another and another, Izuku’s heart growing louder in her chest until the truth of what Kacchan just said finally slams into her.
“WHAT?”
Her hands slap over her mouth after her exclamation, which only earns her an eyeroll and a flick to the forehead. “Yeah, stupid. What, you think I make you breakfast everyday for the hell of it? Lend you my hoodies and just happen to never ask for them back? Come into your room to ‘study’ just for us to watch the All Might shorts because we’re friends?”
“Well. Kind of?”
“Idiot. I’m in love with an idiot.”
Izuku feels the air get knocked out of her lungs. She had to have misheard that right? The ringing in her head just playing a trick on her and making her hear what she wants to hear? Still, she presses forward for clarification, even though her voice threatens to give out. “...Love?”
Kacchan nods sheepishly. That endearing blush is raging on his ears but he doesn’t turn away this time. He keeps his eyes forward, locked on Izuku’s. Determined not to let a single word become misconstrued. His hand rises back up to Izuku’s cheek. This time his hold is gentle, palm soft against her jaw as his thumb rubs over the jagged skin of her scar.
“Yeah. For a while. Didn’t think I’d say it in a closet after you just came out as trans but I guess nothing has ever been normal between us. So.”
Izuku leans into his touch. Tears have already begun to push past her lash line and streak down her face. “Me too.”
“Hm?”
“I also love you.”
Kacchan stares at her with the same shocked expression she must have given him during his initial confession.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Cool.”
“Yeah. Cool.”
Their foreheads press together—light laughter being shared between them as they sit in each other’s company. The air is still stuffy. Izuku is still sweating beneath her clothing. Yet for the first time that night, and since the war ended, she finds it easy to breathe.
Kacchan keeps his hand on her cheek as he pulls back. The teasing smirk on his lips already has Izuku’s lips twitching.
“So, Miss Midoriya—”
Izuku cringes. “Oh, gosh. Never call me that again!”
“What name should I be calling you, then? You got one picked out yet?”
Right. That’s one of the key things that trans people do. Finding a name that suits them. It can be anything. That’s the whole beauty of it. Being able to completely reinvent herself from scratch, starting with the first thing given to her to create her identity.
Of course she’s thought about it. Written out different feminine variations of her name in her notebook. Repeated ‘Hi, my name is Midoriya Izumi’ to the mirror in an attempt to override her past self.
Nothing ever felt correct. It felt like she was erasing everything she has grown to be.
She made her decision a while ago.
“...I’m keeping my birthname, actually.”
“Really? Why?”
Izuku chews her bottom lip between her teeth. She picks up his free hand to rest against her chest. Her thumb lingers over his pulse. His heart beat that’s in rhythm with her own. Her voice is quiet. A whisper of a secret that only Kacchan is allowed to share with her.
“Because Deku can’t exist without Izuku. I’d be losing myself if I changed my name. I’m still picking up the pieces of who I am after the war. Even when I have nothing else, I still have that, you know? Izuku. Hero Deku. Our past.”
Kacchan stays quiet as he takes in Izuku’s answer. He tightens his fist into her hoodie as he leans forward. “I’m going to kiss you again and you can’t push me away this time.”
“Oka—mph!”
The kiss is still mostly teeth, but this time because of the smiles on both of their faces. Izuku is still unsure of everything that makes her who she is. She’s yet to face the obstacles that await her further on in her transition to fully become herself.
But now, she is no longer alone. Kacchan will be there at her side, heart to heart, teeth against teeth, as seven minutes in heaven turn into an eternity with him.