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To my dearest husband,
It's been a while, Dan Heng. You must be confused, hm? It probably hasn't been that long since we last saw each other.
But you know me. Always like to act all cool and mysterious. You're smart, you'll figure it out, like you always do.
Like how I always made you do.
The leaves have started withering and the cold has starts seeping in. It feels uncomfortable and disgusting, too cold, too damp. I'm used to it though, it's nothing different from what I've been feeling.
Despite that however, Aedes Elysiae is beautiful in this time of year. I remember it clear as day, the small smile you had as we walk together with our hands connected while I ramble about anything and everything that comes to mind.
You promise you'd take me back again, when flowers are blooming instead of wilting, when the breeze were pleasantly chilled instead of unnervingly cold.
But you never did.
Well, I'm alone here now, waiting for you.
How about a bouquet of flowers for our reunion? A simple one is fine. What I want to see the most is you.
I missed you.
I'm waiting for you in our special place.
Forever yours,
Phainon.
‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗
There was a letter.
It was carelessly tossed in the backseat of Dan Heng’s car, innocently lying among the piles of bills, statements and documents there that Dan Heng still hadn't yet been able to settle. There was no return address, no contact information, only a name.
His husband's name.
The name of his husband who died three years ago.
Phainon.
Dan Heng doesn't know what to make of it. The letter was freshly written, the ink was not at all faded and the paper had no trace of yellowing, not a single hint of it being written a long time ago.
It's a foolish decision really, but he finds himself here anyway— staring at himself in the bathroom mirror of some rundown rest stop nearing the small town of Aedes Elysiae. It has been a while since he looked at himself, at least as properly as this.
He raised a hand to his eyes, specifically under it. His eyebags are worse than they had ever been, the eyebags he had contracted during his all nighters in college couldn't even compare to it. His short, midnight black hair that Phainon always used to compliment for being neat and proper is unkempt and messy, not unlike that of a bird nest. His eyes are bloodshot, alarmingly so, and there are some stubbles on his chin due to his lack of shaving.
He looks terrible. Phainon would be mad if he were to see him like this.
Dan Heng turns on the tap before collecting the water in his hands and splashing it all over his face. It is a futile attempt to at least look presentable. After a few more splashes, he turns it off again and the sound of running water stops, leaving only his own laboured breathing and the occasional drops of water dropping onto the sink as the noise in the dark space.
Dan Heng stares at the droplets.
It's unnervingly familiar— the way it slowly drips and dissolves into a small puddle in the sink.
Like the dripping of liquid in an IV bag.
Slowly falls.
And disappears.
Dan Heng pushes himself off the sink. His steps were slow as he headed towards the rusted door and pushed it open, making him squint his eyes due to a sudden lighting and a cold breeze biting at his skin.
Even outside the bathroom, there are barely any sounds that could be heard. If it weren't for him being able to still hear his own footsteps and heartbeat, Dan Heng would've thought that he is deaf.
Aedes Elysiae has always been quiet, even if it's never this quiet.
Phainon likes that a lot.
“This place is so… calm,” He had mused, sipping his mildly sweet hot coffee as his eyes roamed the surrounding area of their hotel. He has never been a fan of coffee, but it works occasionally to keep him awake.
“It reminds me of our hometown, some little corner in Xianzhou, barely mapped, a place no one remembers except for us two. Don't you think so too?”
Dan Heng had smiled then and tucked a stray hair behind his ear. Phainon grants him the brightest smile, the sun shining down on him as if he was some kind of angel sent down to earth to bless them all with his beauty and kindness.
“Promise you'll bring me here again?” He said, smiling teasingly with a hint of nervousness shining through still.
Dan Heng nods then— it was careless, without a single thought aside from wanting to grant him a satisfactory answer. “I promise.”
He slams his car door shut and ignites on the engine, staring at the steering wheel. It's slightly torn, even having a small scratch made by Phainon using their house key. The seat next to him is occupied with more papers and a forgotten beat up pair of shoes sit on its floor, gathering dust.
It's stupid. He shouldn't be here, not in this place that was abandoned by the world ages ago due to a devastating plague that had wiped it off the face of the earth. Phainon couldn't possibly be here anyways, even if there was an off chance he was alive.
Yet, his foot presses on the pedal and his hand moves the handbrake (just like always).
Yet, he drives straight into the gate— The withering gate of Aedes Elysiae with its chipped paint, its letters already faded, and half of it already collapsed at the side of the road.
He should've left.
Yet he stopped right in front of a particularly fog covered spot and got out of the car, scanning the area.
Yet he has no intention of leaving.
Dan Heng cautiously walks into the fog and pauses when he sees a huge hole in the middle of the road, leaving just enough space for him to walk on but not enough for his car to go through. It should've been something that made him turn around and go back home, go back to his mundane life of work and sleep.
Instead, all he does is turn back to his car and grab the bouquet of flowers he had brought with him— Forget-me-nots, Phainon's favourite flowers since they were kids.
“Remember this.” He had said when Dan Heng inquired as to why he liked it so. “This flower is the symbol of remembering… and love, it's like saying to you that you should remember me. I guess it's my way of reassuring myself that you, my love, will always remember me.”
Phainon laughed, cheeks flushing red. “It sounds a bit sappy… but it's the truth. Remember this moment— our moment, this me that loves you and you love, no matter what. Your memory of me… Will be your sanctuary.”
He has always been a bit of a poet. He doesn't look like it, not with his carefree smile and mischievous natures, but he spouts words as easily as breathing. He gives hope to others unknowingly and gives his smile like they're candies; not even batting an eyelash when they praise and compliment him for his encouragement.
Dan Heng walks into the fog, letting himself be consumed. It's a very unusual occurrence at this time of the year but him being here in itself is quite unusual. What's one more phenomenon?
The town was a bit further than he expected but he got there unscathed, his hands gripping the delicate flowers with death grip. He remembers the road he is standing on, as well as the cafe on his left and the flower shop on his right. Their honeymoon here lasted for a few months, and it was enough for Phainon to start a routine.
The first stop would be the flower shop. He'd eagerly pulled open the door—the sound of bells chiming in their ears and the scent of fresh flowers would assault their senses, before he went to strike up a conversation with the florist about flowers and plants. Then, he would laugh, as always, and ended up buying Forget-me-nots anyways. The flowers would sit by their hotel windowsill and Phainon would gaze at it while Dan Heng moved about in the kitchen to make their dinner or prepare their takeouts onto plates.
The second stop would be the cafe. He would barrel inside— the door’s creaking was loud but pleasant and the smell of coffee and pancakes would make their mouths water without fail, before ordering a set menu for both of them and sitting both of them down onto the seat nearest to the window, usually by the front door. He'd socialized with everyone— the elderly, other tourists, children, teenagers, all the same. His smile would be bright, his eyes would sparkle, while Dan Heng looked at him fondly and wondered if they'd leave the cafe late again.
Now— whether it's out of habit or just mere coincidence, Dan Heng begins his search at the flower shop. The door opens easily but the years have taken its toll on it, with one of its screws already so loose he'd worried it would fall on top of him as he entered. There's no more bells to chime, the small little thing only lay abandoned on the floor, and there's no more scent of flowers, only of decay and dead leaves.
As expected, there's nothing left but dead plants and weeds. The once vibrant cream colored walls have now been claimed by nature, leaving nothing but moss growing on it. The flower pots only contain dead plants and flowers, nothing worth taking or gawking over, not like before when there were various colours to be seen.
He glances at a notice stuck onto the door, old and practically fused with it by now.
Make sure to prepare the Forget-me-nots.
I'm sure that man will come by again today.
I cannot bare to disappoint him, not with that bright smile!
Don't forget!
Your beloved manager,
Vaska
Huh. How interesting. Perhaps there is someone else out there who is as obsessed with that flower as his husband after all.
He looks around again, though there's nothing more remarkable to be seen. Only wilted plants and flowers are left, forgotten by time and the hand that used to nurture it.
They wilted so easily. One mishap, even a simple mistake would be enough, and they're gone without a trace.
Dan Heng gives one last, painful look at the shop before leaving the way he came. The fogs clear with every step he takes, hiding the place he was just in to open a path for a new one.
He stopped and tilted his head upward.
Memberance Cafe
The name is… quite peculiar. Somehow, Dan Heng doesn't remember it at all.
Still, it's not like he remembers much of anything anymore these days.
Just as before, he made his way inside. The door creaks open, but not as easily and it doesn't sound as pleasant as before, only giving him a sense of dread alongside the silence of the place. There's no notable scent, no more coffee or pancake, only the smell of woods and something metallic.
Dan Heng looks at the table they usually would be sitting at, next to the window, right by the entrance. Sunlight used to shine through it, bathing Phainon's figure with it as he sipped his coffee and munch on his pancake like a happy child. Now, it just looks empty and bleak. The seat Phainon would sit at is torn and the spot Dan Heng would sit at has a paper sitting on it.
Dan Heng grabbed it without a thought.
Dearest costumer of Memberance Cafe,
What is your most unforgettable
memories?
Perhaps when you were learning how to
drive a car?
Or maybe, when you fell into the shallow part of the lake and resurfaced with a laugh?
Let us know your interesting experience and receive a free set meals for a year!
… Drive a car? Fell into the lake?
That's a little too specific-
He hissed, his head suddenly pulsing unbearably. A memory resurfaced for a bit before retreating back into his mind, leaving him confused and mildly irritated.
…
What a weird offer from a restaurant. Who'd want to know things like that, even as a contest?
… Well, he supposed Aedes Elysiae has never been a normal place, even with its quietness.
He looks around a little more before spotting a jukebox sitting in the corner, untouched and undamaged by time. Dan Heng makes his way towards it before pausing, eyes landing on a few choices of music written on the board above it.
Promise
White noise
Coronal Radiance
Permansor Terrae
The Prodigal Return
They all look familiar, though he can't quite recall what they would sound like. Both him and Phainon are not exactly big fans of music, even if Phainon does keep up with the latest trend here and there. He loves to hum as he works, just to fill in the silence while Dan Heng is, naturally, always quiet. He doesn't mind the noise however, serving as a comforting reminder that someone is there with him, that he isn't completely alone.
He swipes his thumb at the second title.
“Coronal Radiance…” He mutters, eyebrows furrowed. He knows this one, and has a vivid memory of Phainon humming it before they slept after a nightmare had occurred to him.
“Please insert a coin to play.”
Dan Heng startled, backing away the moment the machine suddenly came to life. A kaleidoscope suddenly lights up, filling the eerie space with rainbows as it awaits for command.
Dan Heng paused again, hands suspended in the air. Somehow… it feels right to insert a coin in it, as if he's supposed to do so.
He digs through his pocket only to come up empty handed. Before he could sigh in defeat, however, his eyes spotted the empty register.
…
It wouldn't hurt to check it out. It's not like there's anyone else here.
Dan Heng pushes open the small gate separating the customer's and staff's side, peering over the opened broken machine on top of the desk. There's one singular coin inside, gathering dust. He reaches for it and blows off the dust, just to make sure it would work when inserted into the box.
And work it does, thankfully enough.
“Please choose any song to play. You are allowed to use this machine for 5 minutes. Please insert another coin for additional times.”
Works just fine for him. He only has one song to choose anyways.
When the song starts however, Dan Heng could feel himself freezing in place.
He knows it, he can even hum along if he wants to. The song, Coronal Radiance was-
Was-
“-is my favourite song.” Phainon grins, toothy and innocent, his face was covered in bruises from his latest fight with the older boys at the school that was being mean to Dan Heng again. “Mom said that it could cure any pain! That's why it doesn't hurt at all!”
He hums it all the time, from childhood to their adulthood, even when they moved away to the bigger city for university together after losing their family at the same time, even when Dan Heng would wake up in the middle of the night while screaming his lungs out due to a nightmare—
“Remember this, Dan Heng.” He'd whispers, voice soft, not unlike the touch of his hand as he strokes his hair while Dan Heng laid on his laps, eyes closed tightly. “This song… This lullaby is a cure, a safe place. For any sickness you may have, for any hardship and pain you may feel, it will always be there.”
Dan Heng turns it off.
He can't hear it.
He hasn't hummed it since Phainon left him, not even now. It felt wrong to hear it from someone who is not him. It's one of the only things Phainon had left from his family, it's not a song made from any artist or some famous singer— it's just a simple lullaby, passed down from his grandparents to his parents and to him and his sister.
So then… How? How could this random jukebox know of this melody? How could it know the title? Literally no one knows about it— not even his sister, not even their closest friends.
There's something wrong with this place. He needs to leave-
A clinking sound interrupted his thoughts. It came from below the jukebox as it shuts down.
Dan Heng hesitates but in the end, his curiosity won and he relented to it, crouching down to check on what had fallen. It could be a loose screw, maybe playing the music had somehow broken the machine, or it could also be because of a random small animal scurrying around and accidentally knocking over some small metallic trash.
…
It's a key.
A small key, with a label on it. It sits in a compartment below, which looked like it had opened when the jukebox was played. Dan Heng hasn't seen it before so that probably was what had happened.
He took it, the weight familiar and oddly comforting in his hand. He held onto this key before, even if it was a long time ago. Heck, Phainon himself had held onto it before, spinning it around with his index finger as he dared Dan Heng to catch it from him if he wanted to go home early from their nightly walk.
He reads the label, his hand slightly shaking.
Room 337.
Even the room number-
Dan Heng drops it, moving to stand up with wide eyes.
Phainon-
Phainon loved the room, it wasn't anything special, their ordinary salary could never afford them any VIP type of room yet he smiled like he won a lottery when they got into the room that Dan Heng booked, eyes immediately locked onto the balcony overlooking the beautiful lake.
“It's so pretty here.” He commented, not even turning to look back at Dan Heng who hovers at the door, slightly guilty he couldn't get a better one. “You can see the whole lake… and the landscape… It's a perfect spot for our honeymoon!”
He could feel bile creeping up his throat and dizziness overtaking his senses, the bouquet he's holding in his hand suddenly feels heavy, too heavy for him to hold.
The key stays on the floor.
The music continues to play, the humming of the song is too similar to Phainon’s voice.
Somewhere, he hears a droplet hitting a body of water.
And A cough-
A wet, loud and painful cough-
“Um, hello?”
Dan Heng startles violently, turning around to see-
…
…
…
What-?
There's no way-
It's just not possible-
How-?
“Phainon?” He blurts out without thinking but-
But-
But-
“Oh, um.” The man, (Phainon, it has to be Phainon-) laughs nervously. “I'm not… whoever that is. I'm sorry. You got the wrong person.”
Wrong person? Wrong person? No, no, no, it can't be-
Focus.
Dan Heng tries to calm himself down, stepping away slightly from the other. He must have startled the man too because of his little antics, all over a stupid key too. He realizes now that the music had already been turned off and there's no water dropping from anywhere.
There's nothing but eerie silence all around him, just like how Aedes Elysiae always is.
And the man, even with all his similarity…
“You're… Right.” Dan Heng ended up saying, his shoulders slumping. “You're not him. You're not… Phainon.”
His hair, though messy and fluffy, are not the same as Phainon's, at least judging from the colour. It's blonde, borderline white but still obviously blonde. His eyes, unlike Phainon's blue (Forget-me-nots-Forget-me-nots-Forget-me-nots- ), are yellow, with some circular pattern in them. He's wearing casual wear, a black turtle neck and two layers of outward wear— an unbuttoned white shirt and a blue purplish jacket. There's a necklace on his neck, as well as grey pants and a thigh grater with a deer design on it.
“The name's Khaslana.” He introduced himself, sheepishly. Just like how Phainon used to do whenever they met someone new back when they had just moved to the city with nothing but each other. “Do I look like your boyfriend or something? Had a bad fight with him?”
“I'm…” Dan Heng looks down to his feet. “... My husband, actually… And honestly, you do. It's… uncanny, really. You look like a twin of his, almost.”
He conveniently avoids answering the second question.
Khaslana doesn't push.
“Well,” he chuckles, slightly more relaxed than before. “I supposed this world isn't so big. Maybe we're long lost twins or something.”
That's probably not it. Dan Heng has known him since he was a child, they were practically born at the same time in their little village. He doesn't have a twin, only an older sister that likes to tease them too much and a pair of parents who loved him with all their hearts.
Still, he entertains Khaslana’s comment with a wobbly smile. “Maybe.”
They both stop talking for a while, Khaslana seemingly examining the cafe they are in with curiosity while Dan Heng stares long and hard at the key on the floor.
…
Maybe it's enough for today. He should get ready to get out and don't turn back-
“Ah,” Khaslana grabs it off the floor and Dan Heng's eyes follow his movement like a hawk. “This yours?”
He twirls it with his index finger and Dan Heng swallows thickly, the sudden feeling to empty his stomach suddenly hitting him again while the other continues his action without a care in the world. “The key’s pretty heavy… Must be the handle.”
“It's- just how it is.” Dan Heng replies, letting out a small sigh of relief when he finally stops spinning the damn thing. “The door… the door is pretty heavy too so maybe…”
“That so?” He snorts, amused by the explanation. “A heavy key for a heavy door? Is it like that?”
Dan Heng grimaces.
“...What are you doing here anyways?” He ended up asking while Khaslana examines the item in his hand. “I doubt anyone wants to spend their weekend in some abandoned town…”
“Please, you're here too. Do you have any right to say that to me?” He grins teasingly (Just like him- Just like Phainon-).
Dan Heng lets out a shuddering breath. “I'm searching for someone.”
“Oh?” Khaslana tilted his head, the key secured in his hold as he placed a hand on his waist. “Could it be that husband of yours?”
Oh well. It's pretty obvious, in hindsight, especially since he mentioned him. Why else would he be here on some random Saturday afternoon?
“It is, yes. However, I was actually about to leave… since it doesn't look like there is anyone here.”
The other answers with a long hum, a mix of emotions that Dan Heng couldn't decipher shown on his face.
“You’re giving up here?” He asked, tone carefully devoid of any emotions. Dan Heng blinks, a little uneasy at the sudden question.
“...There's nothing else to be done.” He replies. “Nobody's here in this town, so certainly he won't be here either. He isn't here.”
The stares continue but Dan Heng doesn't back down. He knows he's right, there's nothing left for him in this town, nothing but the ghost of memories who continuously haunt him as he traverses through it, taunting him for not being able to keep the one good thing in his life.
“It's for the best.” Dan Heng continues, moving to walk past the man. “I have no reason to stick around, no reason to dwell on him.”
“Wait.”
Khaslana hurriedly runs to block his path, shaken. “You can't leave me here alone.”
Dan Heng stops right before he would hit the other, frowning. “You could just leave too. What's the problem?”
“I'm… I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm searching for a clue— for something to help me remember who I am and what my purpose is for being here. Like you said, who'd want to spend their Saturday in some abandoned town?” He clasped his hand together, though it doesn't look like he's begging for company, more like he knows that he’ll get it if he tries hard enough.
(Just like-)
“Let's leave together then.” Dan Heng offers.
“I can't. Not yet.” Khaslana shook his head.
Dan Heng scrutinizes him, staring long and hard as if to analyze and dissect every piece of emotions of his. Khaslana is an odd man, he doesn't look scared, nor does he look brave and his emotions seem like a mix bag of emotions, sometimes cheery, sometimes dejected.
It's not his first time dealing with mood swings, far from the last. His friends often had it— Yingxing, Baiheng, Jing Yuan, March, hell, even Phainon-
…
That sure brings Dan Heng some bad memories.
Alas, he can never say no to him, not even to a mere carbon copy of his face.
“... Fine.” Dan Heng agrees, albeit still hesitant. The man lights up like a Christmas light, clearly delighted at the prospect of having someone else with him. “But only for a while. Let's try not to take too long.”
“Of course.” He agrees, nodding eagerly. “I'll lead the way. Come on.”
Dan Heng followed after him wordlessly and they finally left the cafe. The door creaks when they swing it open and Khaslana giggles at the sound.
What a weird man, he is.
At the very least, true to his word, Khaslana did lead the way. He's still holding onto the key, still hasn't let go of it in his hand. Dan Heng doesn't mind though, not really wanting to feel that heavy weight on his own. Not like seeing it is any better but he takes the lesser of the two evil at this point.
They came to a stop at an apartment building, run down but still usable. There's no moss like in the flower shop and aside from a few collapsed emergency stairs, there wasn't much difference than an ordinary building.
Dan Heng peeks at the sign sitting out front.
Dawn's apartment
“... Why are we here?’ He asked, a little skeptical. He'd expect them to head somewhere with actual information, like a library or a museum— anywhere but some apartment that hasn't seen the light of the day since they were abandoned by the very people who used to call them home.
“I got a letter.” Khaslana starts, shifting in place. “When I woke up, I found a letter sitting in front of me. They mentioned a few places, like an apartment and a hotel by the lake… And this is the only apartment I found so I figured…”
Right. It does make sense, even if it's making Dan Heng a tad bit too uncomfortable. This apartment was big, fancy for the little town it is placed in, an investment project by the mayor to invite more people to stay in their little tourist spot permanently.
Not that it matters in the end.
“... Let's just go.” He walks ahead of the other, causing Khaslana to immediately strides after him, as if scared he'd be left behind. “Just so you know, that key is not for this place.”
“Huh?”
“That key you're holding.” Dan Heng mutters, pushing open the door with much difficulty. It has never been easy to open and combined with the rust, it probably just made it even worse. “It isn't for this apartment. It's for the hotel. This apartment's key looks different.”
Khaslana dangles the key in front of him, his head tilted as they walk into the lobby of the apartment. “Is that so…? You seem to know a lot about this place.”
Of course he does. Phainon wanted to move here, a retirement plan of some sort. They never came into fruition, between the town's downfall and Phainon's death, but Dan Heng wouldn't ever forget that, not even in a million years.
“... Any idea where to start?’ He asked, eyes scanning the area with disinterest. Dan Heng never really liked this place, even if Phainon had, but he never got the heart to refuse the man. The savings account for this place is still open, money from his side is still transferred there. He's not sure why he still does it though. “This place is pretty big.”
“Um,”
A sound of papers being unfolded.
“It… said to go to room 335.”
Coincidence is a funny thing. Dan Heng opens his steps again and Khaslana scurry behind him. If his sense of direction still hasn't failed him, it should be located on the third floor, right in the middle of endless rows of room.
“You know where it is?”
Why wouldn't he? It's the first room they surveyed after Phainon convinced the landlord to give them a tour. They were careful with it, and the room wasn't to both of their liking, but the memories, much like most of Phainon's related ones in his mind, stays fresh and uncorrupted. “I do.”
“Woah,” Khaslana chuckles as they begin to walk again, right towards the emergency stairs. “You're so knowledgeable. Are you a local?”
“No.” Dan Heng answers simply, pushing open the door and peeking outside. He places a foot on the metal floor to make sure of its stability before going over to stand on top properly while Khaslana rolls his eyes at his short answer.
“I see you're not too fond of conversation either.”
“Never has been.”
Khaslana laughs, genuine and melodious, much like how his husband's but slightly different. There's no wheeze in-between, no cough cutting it off, no-
“It should be here.”
“Alright. I'll take your word for it.”
The third floor of the apartment doesn't look too bad, there's some water damage at the ceiling, somehow, and some debris and trash strewn about but nothing that prevents them from walking through it.
They stood in front of the room, shoulder to shoulder.
Room 335
Khaslana places the key inside the lock and twists it. Dan Heng reached for the doorknob first right after, causing the other man to take a step back while he instinctively placed his body in front of the other.
Old habits die hard.
“My hero.” Khaslana joked, tapping the other's shoulder before going ahead of him to examine the thankfully safe room. Dan Heng scoffs, but doesn't say anything else, only following behind him after closing the door.
The room is… not messy, exactly but Dan Heng wouldn't call it tidy either. There's a dinner table in front of the kitchenette next to the door. Two chairs are stacked on top of it, as well as a couch sitting in front of a television in the middle of the room, all of them covered in white sheets. A bookshelf sat next to the balcony, some books lying face down while some were placed properly.
Khaslana gravitates towards it, not unlike that of a bee to a flower.
Phainon used to love books too. Not as much as Dan Heng, but enough for him to accept a job offer at their university library after he was invited by his best friend, Mydeimos. He liked working there, said that it reminded him of working in the farm back in their village.
Dan Heng, working as a part time security guard who keeps sneaking off to the library at the time, holds back a laugh, placing his chin onto the other shoulder. “How could this be remotely similar?”
“Hey,” Phainon scolds, though a part of his lips are curled upward. “It’s manual labour… and… you know, cultivating… knowledge. Yeah, that's it!”
“That's a bit far fetched, don't you think?”
“Hmph! A scholar with their nose in books like you wouldn't understand.”
“But-”
“Hush you!”
“Guess they liked books.” Khaslana's voice brings him out of his mind. He has his hand on his chin, inspecting the book on the shelf with interest. “There's quite a lot here.”
Dan Heng swallows thickly. “... Maybe. They could also just be for aesthetics though.”
“Hmm… I don't think so.” Khaslana flips through one the pages, creating the sound of rustling that fills the whole space. “Not a lot of people would just casually have the original copy of No Longer Human by Dazai Osamu in their collection, hm? It's pretty hard to get.”
“Somehow, I'd know you'd say that.” Dan Heng sighs, approaching him and taking the book away from his hand. “We're not here to debate on what kind of books the person who lived here used to read. What do you need from this room?”
Khaslana hesitates. “I'm… not sure.”
“What?”
“Look,” Khaslana raised his hands in a surrendering motion, looking as exasperated as Dan Heng. “The letter doesn't say anything else except for this room and that hotel, okay? I wouldn't know either. You can't blame me for this, Dan Heng.”
Dan Heng opens his mouth to protest— because he absolutely can blame him for this, but his eyes widen when what Khaslana says registers in his head, causing him to back away from him. Khaslana looks at him with a thinly veiled irritation.
“What? What are you looking at me like that for?”
“How do you know my name?”
“What? Don't be ridiculous-”
“I did not tell you my name-!”
The place suddenly begins to shake, causing them to stop their little spat immediately. Dan Heng turns his head, left and right, noticing the furniture shaking uncontrollably and even causing the white sheets to fall onto the floor.
Khaslana pales. “Dan Heng-!”
The floor underneath him gives way and Dan Heng immediately loses his footing, pulling a breathless gasp out of him. In desperation, he reaches out a hand towards the other, only for it to not even come close to reaching him.
“Khaslana-!”
Gravity takes them both downwards, Khaslana's screams drowned out as he fell while Dan Heng helplessly watched him disappear from his view.
(Once again-!
He can't even keep one person with these hands-!)
It took a while but the bottomless pit suddenly reaches an end and Dan Heng braces himself for the impact before hitting the ground with a loud thud. Miraculously, he's still alive, though he has no doubt that there would be some broken bones in his body.
He grunted as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head in an attempt to ease the pain of colliding with the floor from such a high place. The place was dark, only lit by a single dim bulb in the corner and a few pieces of furniture scattered about here and there, a thick layer of dust gathering on it.
Dan Heng looks at his hand, noticing the lack of bouquet there. He doesn't even remember where he had dropped it.
“... Khaslana!” He called out, cupping his mouth in hope of making his voice louder. His only reply, though, were the echoes of his own movement as he stood up.
“Khaslana! Where are you?!”
…
Still, no replies.
Dan Heng squints his eyes, trying to see if there's any clues as to where he is right now. It looks like a storage room, probably some kind of basement where the apartment would toss broken and unusable stuff they had lying around.
“Khaslana!” He shouts again, the word coming out more desperately than he meant it to. “Are you here?!”
Dan Heng touched along the walls, wanting to find anything, a hint maybe, to leave this place. He had been here before but it's not like the landlord took him into the basement. As he walked, however, a jingling sound came from beneath his shoe, halting his step.
He crouches and feels around the floor next before grabbing a hold of something.
Something familiar.
It's a key.
He hesitates before standing up again and approaching the light bulb.
…
Of course. It's the goddamn hotel key again.
Dan Heng couldn't help the sigh that escaped his mouth, opting to pocket it. It doesn't seem like he’ll be escaping the key anything soon, might as well just keep it on him to save himself the trouble.
Dan Heng felt the wall again, walking further and further away from the light source until it completely disappeared from his view. It felt like walking through an endless abyss, only darkness and silence accompanying him aside from his footsteps.
It's uncomfortable how familiar it felt, like an empty hospital corridor in the late hours of the night when all patients and doctors are asleep or resting while you are walking through it by yourself and wondering if you will— if he will leave the place anytime soon.
Dan Heng spotted a door after quite a few minutes of walking, slowly willing himself to come to a stop in front of it.
The door is already rotting, its white paint chipped, though it's still standing tall and proud even with its state, hiding whatever lies behind it.
There's a label in the middle of it, a little out of place due to how fancy it still looks.
Room 337
…
How… Did he even get here?
He was in the apartment just a moment ago and he fell into some kind of basement. As far as he remembers, the hotel was somewhere near the lake, right next to a fishing parlour run by an elderly couple who loves to tease them about being newlyweds. It's nowhere near the apartment.
He stares at the door, the number mockingly not fading away.
He's actually here now.
Dan Heng took out the key, the number that had been haunting him flashing in front of his eyes as he inserted it into the keyhole.
The lock clicks and he pushes it open gently.
The room hasn't changed. A queen size bed in the middle, two nightstands on the two sides of the bed, a balcony facing the lake with a table and two chairs, an old TV that only has 3 channels to choose from, a cream colored curtain that Phainon gushes about despite how ugly it would look in their living room.
The small kitchenette next to the door, the bathroom door tightly shut.
The scent of the ocean and wheat, mixed from their perfume.
Dan Heng steps inside, eyes landing on the probably broken TV. A note is taped onto it.
It's Phainon's handwriting.
Don't forget the journal!
You can be so forgetful sometimes, Dan Heng!
It's in the left drawer next to the bed. I put it there for safekeeping. It's our private journal after all!
Don't forget!
With love,
Phainon
…
What?
There was a drawer on the nightstand?
Dan Heng immediately runs towards it, desperation filling him to the brim. He never knew about it, never found this note before-
This must be why he couldn't find the journal.
The journal they started writing to record the significant events in their married life. He searched for it everywhere— from their closet to the basement that they've never managed to put a good use to— yet he couldn't find it.
Could it actually be here?
He pulls it open, eyes wide.
It's… here. The cover page is filled with stickers of chimeras, the creatures that came from a random cartoon series that Phainon used to watch and some taped Polaroids of them. It's unmistakably theirs. The polaroids were just as he remembers, not at all weathered by time— most of the pictures showing Phainon’s smiley face while Dan Heng looked at the camera with a peace sign, his signature move, Phainon used to say.
Did… He really forgot about it here?
The door to the room swung open and Dan Heng startled, dropping the journal in the process as he turned to see who the newcomer might be.
…
Wait a minute.
A little girl?
She peeks from behind the door, her small body framed with a very… Familiar white dress, a medical bracelet adorning her wrist that is holding onto the door. Her eyes met his and she froze, eyes widening.
“Ah! Sorry, we thought there’s no one here-!”
“What’s going on-?”
“Trianne, wait-!”
Dan Heng fully turns, watching as three little girls pile into the room in front of him, all identical triplets he assumed, judging by their red hair and blue eyes.
“...Hey! We know you!” One of them, with her bang covering one of her eyes, points at him while looking slightly annoyed. “You're that man! The one that was being mean to Snowy!"
“Trianne!” Another one— with braided hair and a partial ponytail, one that Phainon likes to call coconut tree hair whenever he messes around with Dan Heng's short hair, hissed at her. “That's rude!”
“But it's true!” The girl, Trianne, protests with her arms crossed. “Snowy cried all the time! Especially when he comes by! He must have been mean to him!”
“It’s not nice to assume things…” The girl with bracelet frowns, displeased. “Snowy was sick. He said that he's always crying because his sickness hurts.”
Trianne huffs, clearly not satisfied with her reasoning. “But Trinnon! You always say that to Snowy whenever you're crying because of the kids bullying you!”
Trinnon gasped a bit too dramatically, jolting backwards as if she was pushed. “I-I don't always do that! I was telling the truth!”
“You two!” The girl from before sighs, exasperated and familiar, as if she always has to do this for them. “Stop fighting. We should apologize to him first for barging in like this.”
“Right…” Trinnon turns from her sisters and to him, bowing slightly. “We’re so sorry, Mister. We must be bothering you right now.”
Dan Heng blinked, only now realizing that he hasn’t said anything to them at all. “It's alright. I just got here myself so you’re not bothering me at all.”
“That’s a relief then.” Trinnon beams. “We thought that you lived here or something…”
Dan Heng shook his head, cracking a small smile so as to not scare them away. Phainon always said that his poker face tends to frighten people— well, at least people who aren't him. It's best if he relaxes himself while interacting with the kids.
…
But anyways… What was that about… Snowy?
“Who's Snowy?” He asked, curious.
“How could you not know?” Trianne pouts, giving him the most judgemental look a kid could ever conjure. “Don't tell me you don't know us either?”
“Trianne.” The girl from before warns, to which she ends up relenting on her questioning, still pouting. “Please don't mind her. She's still sad about Snowy’s passing. Trianne is actually really sweet!”
“Mhm…” Trinnon nods, looking up at him with a small smile, reserved but not any less genuine than the one that the other girl shows. “Trianne is really kind… She gets a little mean after Snowy passes but um, the adults said she’ll go back to normal soon…”
Trianne turns away, hiding her face from them without a word. Trinnon looks a little nervous but the other girl only giggles at her reaction before turning back to Dan Heng. “I'm Tribbie! They're my sisters, Trinnon and Trianne. We're triplets!”
“I’m Dan Heng.” He introduces himself with a nod, a hand on his chest. “Nice to meet you guys… But I really don't know who that Snowy person is… and why I should know all of you.”
“That's alright!” Tribbie reassures him. Her smile is bright but there's a hint of maturity in it, one that a kid as young as her shouldn't have. “We've truly never met you but we know about you! You're Snowy's husband.”
Oh.
Snowy… Is Phainon.
It's a fitting name, he supposed. Phainon has white hair and pale skin— and those combined with his sky blue eyes and almost always cold skin (it started after he got sick. Phainon has always been warm before), it's a perfect nickname for the man.
“...You know Phainon?” Dan Heng asked, earning an affirmative hum from both Tribbie and Trinnon.
“Our mother works at the hospital.” Tribbie explains. “She's always busy but she doesn't want to leave us alone at home so she often takes us to work with her.”
“It's boring.” Trinnon continues, playing with the hems of her dress. “Mother would go and do some work while we were left alone to color or draw something… It gets boring really fast…”
“But Snowy always invites us to come play with him!”
“Mhm… He likes to tell stories… and plays some games with us… Before he got really, really sick.”
Dan Heng's smile softens, this time more genuine than the previously slightly forced one. He can understand why they're so fond of him. He had always wanted children of his own, even as he was busy dreaming and playing pretend about being a hero of their little village. While the other kids were busy planning their future as a hero conquering the stars, Phainon wanted nothing more than a family similar to his own— him and his partner and a few children.
Wait.
“What are you kids doing here?” He frowned, the smile from before is now nowhere to be seen. The town was closed when he came and aside from Khaslana, he had not encountered any other adults. How did these children even get here?
The three of them seem to freeze at the question.
“Ah…”
“Well…”
“Hmph!” Trianne glares at him from over her shoulders, arms still crossed. “It's none of your business! We just… We got a taxi! A taxi drove us here.”
Dan Heng stares at her and she stares back defiantly, though he can see her eyes shaking. He is quite sure even she herself doesn't seem to believe what she just blurts out. After all, what taxi would carry three children all the way to an abandoned town without at least attempting to contact the authority?
“... A taxi.”
“A taxi.”
The other two hurdles together with Trianne, squeezing her arms while looking up at him with those dark blue, shiny eyes. Trianne continues to challenge him, her chest proudly puffed.
“A taxi driver brought you here… Without asking any questions?” Dan Heng tries again, an eyebrow raised. Trianne flinches, her two siblings looking away while subtly positioning themselves behind her. “Where did you even get the money to pay for the drive then? Your mother gave you some? She lets you go outside without adult supervision?"
“... We snuck out.” Trinnon finally admits, though she doesn't move from behind her sister. Trianne and Tribbie both shot her betrayed looks, as if she had confessed to eating the last bite of pizza during a pizza party.
And yes, Dan Heng is speaking from experience.
“Trinnon!”
“What?” She asked, meeting their stares head on. “He asked…”
“You can't just say that! What if he told mother about this?” Trianne scolds, eyes wide with childish fear of being reprimanded. Tribbie doesn't say anything but she doesn't look any better with how deep her frown is as she looks at her. “Mother will scold us!”
“Mother probably already knows anyway.” Trinnon defends, her voice quiet but still filled with conviction. “I was supposed to see the doctor an hour ago…”
Dan Heng sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He really couldn't catch a break today, it seems.
“Let's go, all of you.” Dan Heng urged, breaking their argument. “We’ll go and find my… friend and then we’ll leave, alright? Maybe I can try talking to your mother and get all of you out of trouble.”
“Friend?” Tribbie asked, tilting her head. “You have friends Mister?”
…
What the hell has Phainon been telling them?
“No way!” Trianne immediately protests, pushing her sisters behind her while glaring up at him. “We're not going with a meanie like you!”
“But Trianne-”
“He's-”
“No!” She cuts the two off, teeth gritted and angry tears pooling at the corner of her eyes.
Dan Heng almost feels like laughing. It's not like her hatred for him is entirely unfounded, but it's unpleasant nonetheless.
“We're going to find Snowy by ourselves! Then, we’ll make him scold you for being mean to him!” She continues before taking the hands of Tribbie and Trinnon and dashing away from him. The two of them seemed to be struggling against her grips, yelling at her to let them go.
Dan Heng didn't bother stopping them, watching as they ran out of the room without even pausing to look back at him. She reminds him of Phainon, somewhat— Strong willed, protective, (Angry). She must have been very close to him, probably closer than the other two siblings of hers.
Dan Heng turns to the floor in search of the journal he had dropped…
Only for it to not be there.
…
Weird. Did Trianne take it with her when she left? He didn’t see her crouching though-
“Dan Heng.”
He blinks, turning back to the door to see Khaslana walking into the room, rubbing the back of his head with a frown.
“Khaslana.” He greets, a little wary. “... I’m glad you’re not injured.”
“Really?” Khaslana suddenly snaps and for a moment, Dan Heng could have sworn his skin was paler, his hair was whiter and his voice were rougher. “That’s all you have to say to me?”
Dan Heng stares at him, a little bit lost. “... What?”
Khaslana looks furious, eyes narrowed. “You didn’t even bother searching for me?”
“I-”
“I was almost killed back then and all you did was watch? What were you going to do if I didn’t appear? Run away?”
Dan Heng recoils as if he was physically slapped by the statement. Khaslana seemed to gather his bearings then, flinching backward from the force of his own words.
“... I’m… I’m sorry.” He mutters, eyes shiny and head lowered. “I don’t know why I said that. It… Just came out.”
Dan Heng scrutinizes him for a while, a little bit hurt but at the same time, slightly… refreshed. He's not sure why. “... We should leave.”
Khaslana frowns, shaking his head. “Not yet, Dan Heng.”
“Khaslana-”
“Just- humor me for now, will you?” He smiles, a hint of fear shown on his face. “Look, we're already at the hotel. Let's check this place out and then I'll be out of your hair, hm?”
Dan Heng stares at him, though Khaslana only stares back defiantly. It doesn't seem like he's backing down from this, he supposed.
He huffs a small chuckle that sounds more like a sigh, exhaustion beginning to creep up his bone.
He's stubborn. Just like Phainon.
“Let's not waste any more time then.” He relented. “I want to get out of here.”
“Yes sir!” Khaslana salutes, grinning without a care in the world. His emotions switch so fast it's giving Dan Heng a bit of a whiplash, honestly. “I have an idea where to go! Just follow me.”
Dan Heng doesn't grant him an answer, silently picking up the pace from behind him as Khaslana behind to hum under his breath.
A very… familiar tune. It's supposed to be comforting, from the sound of it, but for some reason it sends chills down his spine.
Regardless, they continue their walk. The hallways of the hotel don't look very different from a few years ago when they visited it, aside from all the tears and stains on the red carpet caused by time taking its toll on the abandoned place. Most of the doors of the rooms are open, though the inside of it is so dark he can't even see anything inside without squinting.
Eventually, they come down to the lobby and Dan Heng pauses in his steps as Khaslana skips forward towards the door leading to the garden.
“... Khaslana.”
“Hm?” The man turned, his smile frozen on his face.
“Where are we going?”
“I told you, didn't I?” Khaslana giggles. “We're going to the garden, of course! I'm sure we’ll both find what we're looking for there!”
Dan Heng takes a step back, eyes wide in fear and confusion.
The garden of the hotel is…
“It's your special place, isn't it?” Khaslana tilted his head, yellow eyes flashing with mirth. “Don't tell me you forgot about that?”
Another step back, Khaslana only watched him with a smile. “What's wrong, Dan Heng? Don't you want to see it? What you are looking for?”
“Khaslana… I'm-”
“Hm?” Khaslana leans forward, clasping his hands behind his back while swaying slightly, a poor imitation of what Phainon used to do to imitate his sister while teasing Dan Heng. “... Running away again?”
Dan Heng chokes and before he knows it, his feet carry him elsewhere, far, far away from Khaslana's too knowing look and the garden, anywhere but the garden, anywhere but this place-!
He found a staircase and climbed up, breathing raggedly as he continued to run through a weirdly long corridor with all its doors closed and windows covered. The light barely shines and he almost tripped a few times but he continues onwards, not sure from what or who he's running from.
He just needs to get away, away from everything, away from Phainon-!
“Ack!”
“Woah!”
He tumbled downwards after bumping into something small but sturdy, narrowly avoiding falling face first by planting his hands onto the floor.
And… Was that a voice?
“Ow…”
Dan Heng immediately sat up from his position. “Sorry-!”
“Who…?”
They both froze.
Dan Heng stares back at Trianne who is on the floor next to him, her hand paused on her back from where she was rubbing it to relieve it of pain.
“... It's you.” He croaks, his frantic breathing slowly but surely calming down. She doesn't seem to notice anything from him, her frown only deepening when she realizes who exactly she's looking at. He looks around, expecting to see her two siblings but there's no one except for them. “Where's your siblings…?”
Eventually, she huffs, crossing her arms and looking away from him. “... We got separated.”
Dan Heng dust his pants off as he stood, frowning. “Separated?”
“Yeah.” She mutters, lips wobbling as if she's near tears. “I don't know how… We were running from you and then we… we end up in this weird room and then the floor suddenly cracks…”
He blinks, concerned immediately visible on his face as he kneels in front of her and inspecting her anywhere for injuries with his eyes.
She huffed again, sniffing a little. “I'm okay! A mere fall like that won't hurt me. I'm more worried about… them b-because they can't do anything… Without me…”
“... Right.” He stood back up, watching as she got onto her feet as well, wiping at her teary eyes. “... Should we go searching for them?”
“No.” She shuts him down.
Well, it was worth a shot to ask. The thought of leaving a little girl all alone here doesn't sit right with him though.
“It's dangerous to be alone here.” He explains, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know you don't like me-”
“I hate you. Get the word right.”
“-but if you get injured or something, it would be my responsibility. Phainon wouldn't like that either, would he?”
She fell silent at that, this time looking thoroughly chastised. Seems like she really cares about what Phainon thinks of her. He wonders when exactly did they become acquaintances for her to be so obedient just by hearing his name.
“... Fine.” She ended up muttering with much hesitation. “Only until I found my siblings.”
That's the best he can get. He’ll take it. “Let's go then. Let's get out of here afterwards.”
“We can't leave yet.” She pouts, running after him when he starts to walk. “We have to find Snowy.”
Dan Heng paused, thinking back to the letter he got. It's still folded in his pocket, untouched since he got here. “Did you get a letter from him too?”
“Huh…? How did you know?”
Dan Heng halted in his steps, causing her to stop as well. He kneels down to her height while she looks at him with confusion, probably the most positive reaction he ever got from her. “When did you get that letter?”
“Um,” She hesitates, backing away from him a little. “It wasn't that long ago… Do you want to see it? I have it here with me. Tribbie and Trinnon don't want to hold on to it cause they said they might lose it…"
Trianne reaches into her white dress pocket before pulling out a white paper, not a trace of yellowing or aged in sight. It seems brand new even and Dan Heng could smell the familiar scent of the ocean that Phainon likes so much.
Which is weird. Why is the paper so… brand new? If Phainon wrote it at least three years ago, shouldn't it have at least shown any kind of sign?
Regardless, he unfolds it with care. Trianne would probably kick him in the face for even caressing it.
To my favourite triplets in the world~ (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
Ta-da! It's your favourite Deliverer gift– A special mission report just for the three of you :D
I'm so sorry that we haven't been able to play together for a long time (╥﹏╥) my sickness is so mean to me, you know? They keep making me cry and weak (ᵕ—ᴗ—). Unlike Trinnon, I'm not so strong to defeat it but I'm trying my best!
However, my three little stars, if you get this letter, then I'm probably not here anymore… because I'm at a better place now! It's beautiful and warm… I wouldn't be sick here and I will eventually see all of you again at some point so it's not that bad, don't you think so? ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡
Anyways, I won't be able to see you three for a longggg time after this… so I'm so sorry for this my little stars (｡•́︿•̀｡) I'm sure you'll miss your favourite Deliverer, right? Right? Righttttt? Hehe, but you don't have to worry~♪ I have a good news for you XD!
My husband, Dan Heng, will be coming to the hospital to see me off. You'll know him when you see him, I'm sure! Handsome, smart and very neat black hair that he took care of very well… You three would love him, I just know it!
I'm sure he would love to be your playmate! He's the kindest and gentlest person I've ever known, even if he doesn't show it ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂)⸝♡.
Ahhh this is so sad but it's time to say goodbye (っ- ‸ - ς). Take care of yourself, okay? All of you. I'll wait for all of you here in the field of flower, with my sister and family.
Signing off,
Deliverer of Okhema,
Phainon
Special Ps: Trianne! Don't be mean to Dan Heng~♪ I will know! If you are… I will feed you broccoli candy when we meet again (¬`‸´¬).
Haha, just kidding! Still, give him a chance, okay? I'm sure he'll be good to all of you. By the way! I left a letter for him with the nurse… but why don't you three give it to him instead, hm? It can be an excuse to approach him without being too sudden XD.
Second Ps: Happy 8th birthday! As your gift from here onwards, I'll grant you any wish you need from beyond the stars. Just think of me and I will try to answer you :).
See you tomorrow, my little stars!
Signing off (for real this time!),
Deliverer of Okhema,
Phainon.
…
Yeah, this is written by him alright. Down to the kaomojis and everything. He always likes to use those stupid things, saying that it makes him feel a bit more younger than he actually is, whatever that means.
Dan Heng could feel a smile quirking up his lips, moving to give it back to the girl when a thought occurred to him. “Say, how old are you, Trianne?”
“Phainon said it's rude to ask others, especially a lady their age…” She shook her head, displeased. Dan Heng's lips twitched into a small smile but it immediately fell the moment Trianne answered.
“We just turned 8 last week.”
…
What?
“But…” Dan Heng stood up, frowning while still holding onto the letter. “Phainon… Didn't he die three years ago?”
She scrunched her nose, confused at his confusion. “...I don't understand what you're talking about… Ah,” She blinks, as if suddenly remembering something. “I remembered now. I have a letter for you from him too, actually.”
“A… Letter?”
“Mhm!” She reached into her pocket again before pulling out a folded envelope, not dissimilar as the one he's currently still holding onto. “Phainon asked us to give this to you… Though I don't really want to…”
Dan Heng hesitates before taking it off her hand, handing back her letter before opening it to see…
Nothing.
“... There's nothing in here.”
Trianne looks up at him, eyes wide. “What?”
“Trianne, there's nothing in here. Look,” He turned it over, even shaking it to prove his point that there is literally nothing in it, just an empty envelope. “Where is it?”
“I-I don't know!” She shrieks, eyes getting teary again. “It has to be there-! We didn't even open it! The nurses were so strict about the instructions since it came from Snowy himself!"
She turns her head, her hands cradled on her chest. “It- It must have dropped over there! I have to find it!”
“... Trianne-”
“I have to go!”
She runs off into the distance while Dan Heng watches her go without a word, not unlike before. He looks back at the envelope, turning it over to see if there's anything written on it.
There's something scribbled at the back.
Don't forget.
Dan Heng slumped his shoulders.
Somehow… He feels like he has figured it out, why everything that's been happening to him happens here.
“... I know now. What your goal is.” He sighs, eyes closed and gripping the paper in his hand so tight it crumples. “I get it, Phainon. Perhaps what I've been looking for… was never here. Is that what you're trying to say to me?”
A ripple drops from somewhere. As well as the sound of something dropping behind him, soft but audible enough to be heard by him.
Dan Heng turns around.
His bouquet of flowers lay innocently in the middle of the path, a letter lying snuggly in-between them. Somehow, he knows that even if he opens it now, there would be nothing on it, simply just a piece of blank paper.
It's not the time yet then.
He steps forward before crouching and taking it in his hand walking ahead into the dark path ahead.
It's dark and damp, the sound of water dripping becoming more and more closer as he walks, almost as if he is walking in a tunnel filled with water. At some point, every step he took, he could feel himself stepping onto puddles of water, enough to wet his sole but not enough to seep through his shoes. Yet, at least. Some even drip onto his shoulder now, the sound of water sloshing suddenly becoming loud enough for the tunnel to echo back to him.
It reminds him of the simpler day, of the day they both decided to stop dancing around their already obvious feelings for one another. His friend, Stelle, had shoved him and Phainon a ticket to the aquarium near their university with an excuse that she and March had a matter to attend to all of a sudden and that they didn't want to let the ticket go to waste.
The smile and thumbs up on her face that she gave him when Phainon wasn't looking was more than enough of an answer though.
She ran away from them after, leaving with all the grace of a raccoon fleeing from a trash can after being caught rummaging through them.
Phainon had looked at him, a bundle of nerves hiding behind curled lips. “What do you say, Dan Heng?”
Dan Heng— despite his cowardice, stupidity, tendency to run away from what he didn't want to face, looked at him as well. For the first time, he was none of that. Instead, he smiles back at the other with ease, hiding his own unease.
“Let's do it.”
Dan Heng stops in front of two doors.
One of them is a metal door, rusted beyond repair. The other is made of wood, damaged by water but still standing, a nameplate sitting in the middle of it.
Dan Heng took his eyes away from it, one last futile attempt to ignore the obvious.
He chose the former…
And paused.
“Dan Heng!” Phainon had shouted once upon a time, standing in front of the door to an aquarium that was filled with families and friends loud chatters, all excited and cheerful while waving frantically at him, a well worn bag on his back carrying all he thinks they're going to need during their short date— their first date.
“Dan Heng!” Khaslana shouts, eyes shining with joy as he sits behind a cell, a hospital bed and a few more hospital equipment sitting innocently next to him— unused, untouched.
It feels like a sick joke.
“There you are. What took you so long?”
Dan Heng didn't answer, his grip on the flower tightening so much he could feel the stem crushing in his palm.
He had brought this same flower to him that day, when he was nothing but a nervous wreck with his nerdy glasses and boring old clothes. He knows Phainon, for a long time even, he knows that he would love the flowers, yet he hesitates for a long time at the florist before finally purchasing it.
“Oh my… You're at a loss for words. Do I look that handsome?”
Same playfulness, same grin.
Same gasped.
“Are those flowers… for me?”
“Khaslana.” He took a step back, away from the cell, nearing the door. “What is this?”
Khaslana's face blanked. It's abnormally empty, not a single ounce of emotions leftover from before.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
Dan Heng flinches.
“You know what this is.”
It's so similar, so familiar.
So nauseating.
“You know,” Khaslana stands, his smile plastic, his movement robotic. “There's really no need for you to be so… Defensive.”
“I don't know what you're talking about.” Dan Heng shook his head, his feet planted on the ground when Khaslana reached the cell's door.
“Come now, Dearest.” Khaslana coos, a hand outstretched to invite the other closer. “You're too far. How do I prove myself to you like this, hm?”
Dan Heng doesn't move. He knows the cell is unlocked, he knows he can open it. He knows Khaslana also can.
Yet, he doesn't move.
“... Cut it out.”
The man laughs sharply, the way Phainon used to do whenever someone gets a little too brave and says anything bad about his friends.
“What do you mean, hm?” He taunts, eyes shining with mirth. “Isn't this what you truly wanted all this time? The one who understands you? The one who actually cares for you?”
“He cares for me enough.” Dan Heng said through gritted teeth, finally finding the strength to move backwards and further away from the man. “I don't need anyone else but him.”
Khaslana sighs, his hand drops in between the cell. “You're stubborn… At the wrong time.”
Dan Heng flinches again.
“Why are you so insistent on turning me away, hm?” He tilted his head, face once again devoid of any emotions. “I can give you what you want, what you truly long for, what he couldn't. What he hasn't been able to give.”
Dan Heng gazed at him for a long time, at his eyes, his face, his hair, his appearance as a whole…
Before taking and releasing a deep breath.
“Deep breath, Dan Heng.” Phainon would say, smiling reassuringly. He's a pillar, a light in the dark, a shelter from the storm, a lone star in the sky. “Close your eyes, deep breath, hold onto your own hand and squeeze it, feel your own skin, your own pulse underneath it.”
“My memory of you…” Dan Heng loosened his grip on the flowers, enough to not feel the stem crushed in his grip anymore. “Will be my sanctuary.”
Khaslana's shoulders slumped before pushing himself off the cell roughly. Dan Heng looks at him again.
His messy and fluffy, blondish hair, yellow and circular patterned eyes, casual wear that looks too fashionable to be him…
“You're not him.” Dan Heng mutters, quiet but resolute. “You're not him, Khaslana. You're just a man I happened to meet here, someone who drags me deeper into this town just to fulfill a wish that I didn't ask for.”
“Is that so?” Khaslana sat down on the bed, his earlier amused expression gone without a trace. Dan Heng doesn't grant him an answer, only turning around to the door. “Let's see it then, your resolve. Remember, Dan Heng. Wishes are born from somewhere too, even if you don't want to face it. ”
He leaves the room and slams the door shut.
He's still in the tunnel, only this time it is dimly lit with small light bulbs along the way, pointing towards one direction, not unlike that of bread crumbs left to create a trail.
Dan Heng follows, bringing the flower closer to his chest while holding onto it with both of his hands and squeezing onto it gently.
Flowers are delicate, after all. They wilt so, so easily.
“To have and to hold, from this day forward…”
Dan Heng paused.
It's Phainon's voice, undeniably. He remembers it well now, from their wedding day, attended only by their family and closest friends.
Phainon was… breathtaking that day. He was a jewel, blue eyes filled with unshed tears, shiny like the clearest of summer sky, some of it spilling as they read their vow and promise to hold and carry their responsibility as a partner in life.
“In sickness and in health,”
Too easy to promise.
“To love and to cherish,”
Too easy to say,
“... Until death do us part.”
Too easy to proclaim.
“Promise you'll bring me here again?”
“I promise.”
Careless mistake, a lie disguised as a promise.
Phainon likes to smile and laugh. He doesn't crack often, if at all, something he picked up from his sister after her passing. He was so strong, mentally and physically.
Too strong, perhaps.
Dan Heng paused when a singular sound of a water dropping got particularly loud in the silent tunnel.
“... What do you want, Dan Heng?”
Dan Heng stares ahead, not quite looking at anything, simply reminiscing.
“Flowers?”
A scoff, crueler than any other.
“I don't want any damn flowers. I don't need it.”
“Don’t you get it!? I'm disgusting. I don't deserve flowers! Between the diseases and the drugs… I look like a monster…”
Dan Heng hesitates, eyeing the dark floor with a conflicted frown.
“I'm going to die anyway… They might as well just kill me.”
A self decapitating laugh, cut short by some coughs and wheezes.
“But I guess… the hospital is making a nice profit out of me…”
It's not the first time, it wasn't the last time.
A crash, alarmingly loud. Whatever it was, it had seemed to drop right next to him.
“... What the hell are you still standing around for?! Leave already!”
He stays rooted on the spot.
“Leave me alone already! Don't come back here!”
Dan Heng released a shuddering breath.
He took a step forward.
“... Dan Heng…”
He doesn't stop, hugging the bouquet closer.
“Dan Heng, wait. Don't- Don't leave me here. You can't-”
A sob, one out of many.
“You can't leave me here alone… Please…”
A cough, wet and rough.
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I don't know why I said that… I didn't mean it…”
Dan Heng has always been like this. He runs away, he doesn't turn back. His family, his village, Phainon…
“Don't leave me alone…”
“In sickness and in health…”
“Running away again?”
Dan Heng stops.
Their relationship has never been perfect, no one's is. He doesn't like Phainon's fashion taste, doesn't like his obsession with salad, and doesn't like his tendency to get into trouble to help others.
He doesn't like the Phainon that he remembers. The Phainon that throws insults at him while he coughs, the Phainon that pitied himself and cries himself to sleep. The Phainon that never considers how Dan Heng feels whenever he sees him withering away in that hospital bed instead of laughing and dancing in the kitchen while making lunch like he always does.
Still, that's not all there is to it. Their relationship, no matter how imperfect it is, was perfect in its own ways. That is more than enough. That Phainon wasn't the only Phainon to have ever existed in the first place.
“Don't forget.”
He's tired of turning away from everything, tired of assuring himself that he is not guilty of anything.
“My memory of you is my sanctuary. That's what you told me.” Dan Heng repeats, looking at the man in front of him with a smile.
Khaslana stares back at him, his face still as impassive as it has been only moments ago, yet he doesn't find himself feeling that same dread.
Not anymore.
“Perhaps, it's time for me to turn back for once.” He said, handing over the flower in his hand to the other. “That's enough running away for a lifetime… isn't it?”
Khaslana's eyes are downcast, seemingly examining the flowers.
He took it.
“What are you going to do now?”
Dan Heng shrugs, suddenly feeling a lot lighter than before, as if a huge burden has just been lifted. “Face it, I guess. You must have been so annoyed with me after watching all the things I've been doing. That must be why you drag me here, right?”
The sound of bird chirping reaches his ears, as well as the rustling trees and running water from the lake below the town. Aedes Elysiae suddenly feels more alive, its fog dissipating slightly and clearing his vision.
Khaslana's lips curled up softly. Unshed tears pool in his eyes, washing away the yellow and circular pattern and giving way to the sky blue one, blondish white hair fading into white, healthy tan skin turning paler and sickly, casual wear turning into an ugly greenish hospital gown.
“I can't keep my promise anymore.” Dan Heng blinks a tear from his eyes, though his smile remains. “But… This still counts, right?”
“Mm…” Khaslana chuckles, voice rough and alarmingly strained. “... You… Tried your best.”
Dan Heng pulls him into a hug.
It's not him— Phainon will never come back, no matter whichever town he went to, no matter whichever hospital he searched in, he won't ever see him again. He's sure of it.
But one moment of indulgence wouldn't hurt, would it?
“I'll… see you… tomorrow.”
“Yes.” Dan Heng nods, tears streaming down his cheeks as the man in his arms fade into golden mist. No use crying over spilt milk, however. Their time was up a long, long time ago after all. “See you tomorrow, dearest.”
‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗
To my dearest husband,
It's been a while, Dan Heng. You must be confused, hm? It probably hasn't been that long since we last saw each other.
But you know me. Always like to act all cool and mysterious. You're smart, you'll figure it out, like you always do.
Like how I always made you do.
The leaves have started withering and the cold has starts seeping in. It feels uncomfortable and disgusting, too cold, too damp. I'm used to it though, it's nothing different from what I've been feeling.
Despite that however, Aedes Elysiae is beautiful in this time of year. I remember it clear as day, the small smile you had as we walk together with our hands connected while I ramble about anything and everything that comes to mind.
You promise you'd take me back again, when flowers are blooming instead of wilting, when the breeze were pleasantly chilled instead of unnervingly cold.
But you never did.
Well, I'm alone here now, waiting for you.
How about a bouquet of flowers for our reunion? A simple one is fine. What I want to see the most is you.
I missed you.
I'm waiting for you in our special place.
Well, that's what I'd like to say, at least.
If you got this letter, then, chance are, I'm probably already dead. I asked the triplets to give this to you. They're the sweetest, smartest children I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Please do try to take care of them when you can.
They wouldn't know the content, I'd made sure of it. Besides, Trianne loves me too much to peek into my privacy anyways.
My dearest Dan Heng,
The doctor told me that I could go home for a bit, just for a short stay. It's not like I'm getting better or anything, it's just that it might be my last chance. I was happy, of course. I want to go home, smell that familiar scent of tea you like so much and watch some dumb movies on yours, Caelus's, Stelle’s and March's Netflix shared accounts.
But I'm scared, Dan Heng. I'm scared that you don't want me to come home.
I've been pushing you too far, I know that. I can see it, the way you have to force yourself to even come here and see me. Endure all of the things I said to you, listen to me cry for no reason as I pitied myself without thinking of your feelings at all.
For what it's worth, I was happy when you stop showing up. I know that you're just avoiding things again, I've been trying to get you out of that habit, but it's more bearable somehow.
I don't blame you. I'm so happy you stop seeing me like this— bitter, hateful, depressed.
Your memory of me will be your sanctuary. Remember me as who I was, not what this sickness made me.
Well, this letter has gone on for too long. It's time to say goodbye, Dearest.
In another life, in another time, I'll still choose you. No matter how bad the ending, how hard the challenge, how many hardships to be faced, I wouldn't trade us for the world.
Go on with your life. Take care and say hi to the children and their mother for me.
Our story is over, but yours aren't.
Let's meet again, in the Flower Field of Thanatos. I'll be waiting.
Forever yours,
Phainon.
‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗