Chapter Text
As far as Eddie could remember, the world always shit on him. It started when he was born in Indianapolis, Indiana to a car thief/drug dealer extraordinaire dad and clueless mom too blinded by love to see the truth. They had a pattern. Eddie’s dad would land himself in some shit then his mom would insist that this was the last time she forgave. She meant it. Except she didn’t. She’d forgive the shitbag each time, posting bail and letting him back into the house all while cooing that he’d changed. It was going to be better this time. She promised, even though both her and Eddie knew it was a lie.
Like all destructive loves, though, the one belonging to his parents eventually exploded in their faces when Eddie was around twelve. His dad, saint that he was, got caught up in a carjacking gone wrong that ended with two dead and a reserved seat on death row for those convicted. It left them strapped for cash. Then his mom got sick and it turned out to be late-stage breast cancer. She ended up committing suicide as she was afraid of saddling Eddie with expensive medical bills.
That was when Eddie moved to Hawkins, Indiana to be with his Uncle Wayne. At first, he thought that since Wayne was his dad’s brother and lived in a trailer park, then he’d be just like his dad or worse. However, Wayne had been at his side the entire time during his mom’s funeral and offered him a place to stay, like it was Eddie’s choice if he wanted to stay with him or not.
Despite how small the trailer was compared to his old home, Eddie decided to stay with Wayne after all. Wayne had expected him to say yes as he’d cleared out the bedroom of the trailer in advance. And when Eddie tried to thank him for all his kindness, Wayne rubbed his head then mumbled under his breath about a growing boy needing his space and that was that. They were a family from that point forward, which Eddie realized he never truly had until that point given how unstable his home life had been thanks to his dad.
Eddie thought that maybe moving to Hawkins wouldn’t be that bad, until he went to school. There he met King Steve and the pack of court hyenas salivating to please their royal majesty. Steve had everything Eddie wanted, and Eddie hated him for it. For example, Steve was loaded, had more money than sense. He never had to worry about running out of food or how to pay bills. Everyone at school worshipped the ground he walked on, even the teachers looked at him as if the sun shined out of his ass. From the disinterested way Steve eyes flitted over others, it didn’t even seem like Steve knew what he had, which only made Eddie hate Steve more.
Steve was also the biggest bully. He never got physical, didn’t give anyone swirlies or the typical jock crap that his friends pulled while he watched. Instead, it was what Steve said, like he could glance at a person and clock each one of their vulnerabilities so he could go for the jugular the next time he needed ammunition. He could have anyone breaking down in tears in a matter of seconds. Maybe that was why Eddie was his favorite target, since he refused to break under the venomous tongue of King Steve.
“Hey, Munson!” Steve called out. “Freak, I’m talking to you!”
Eddie had been having a pleasant morning. He’d woken up for school on time for once. His Uncle Wayne had gotten off work early, so they were able to have breakfast. And weirdly? He’d done all his homework. But then he had to think of Steve Harrington as he made his way to his first class of the day. Speak of the devil and all that, not that Eddie minded the devil. He’d be a lot better company than Steve, that was for sure.
The two couldn’t be more different if they tried. While Eddie wore a black leather jacket, Steve wore a letterman jacket of green and white, their high school’s colors. Steve wore preppy polos and jeans that were clearly from a designer brand. Eddie wore metal band t-shirts and secondhand jeans that he’d bought from a thrift store. Anyone could tell at a glance where they both belonged in the school’s social order.
“Really?” Eddie turned to face him. “Wasn’t aware jackasses could speak. Learn something new every day, I guess.”
At Eddie’s reply, the halls stilled. It wasn’t the first time that Eddie had spoken back to Steve, but today a certain heaviness lingered in the air, like a dense miasma had spread the moment Eddie spoke. Also, there was something in Steve’s expression that he simply couldn’t place despite having an inkling that he’d seen it before a long time ago. Whatever the emotion was, Eddie didn’t give it any more thought, putting it from his mind as he doubted a neanderthal like Steve was capable of thinking of anything outside his perfectly charmed life.
Then, as if to prove Eddie’s point, Steve shoved Eddie hard, making him stumble onto the ground. A snicker ran throughout the jocks who were looming behind Steve as they usually did. Eddie didn’t understand what was so funny about harming others, though maybe that was because his brain was larger than the size of a pea, unlike them. He doubted the entire basketball team had two brain cells to rub together.
Eddie glared at Steve. “What? Not going to break any bones?”
“Not planning on it.”
“You mean not planning on it this time, around all the witnesses.”
“Don’t worry, Munson,” Steve replied with a lazy smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “There’s not going to be a next time. Going to have to leave that to my teammates in the future.”
“You’re a real piece of work. You know that, Harrington?”
“Better than you think.”
“God, the world would be a better place without shitheads like you. Wish all of you would just disappear.”
“Disappear, huh? Wouldn’t that be something.” He snorted in an almost self-deprecating kind of way. “See you on the other side, Freak.”
Though Eddie wanted to say something, he didn’t have a chance as Steve turned around to walk down the hall in the other direction. The rest of the basketball team followed behind Steve as he left, but not before each gave Eddie a menacing grin as they passed, clearly excited about the idea of breaking some bones. Honestly, if it wasn’t for their parents’ bank accounts, Eddie was certain that many of them would be on their way to prison given their violent tendencies.
Life returned to the hallways as students began hurrying to class after witnessing the scene. Eddie got to his feet then dusted himself off, noticing how no one paid him any mind now that the jocks were done with him as they’d be late for class otherwise. He supposed that he should hurry along, too. While Eddie didn’t care about school, he didn’t want Wayne to worry about him by failing to graduate again, so he had to attend even if he hated it here.
Everything was a blur after that. Each class was about the same, as all of them had a teacher stood in front of a bunch of bored teens lecturing them about shit that didn’t matter. They might as well just have them all be taught by the same person like in elementary school given how all the subjects blended together in his head like they were a big smoothie of useless knowledge that he’d never use once he finally left Hawkins in the dust.
Thankfully, Steve and his cronies didn’t bother Eddie after the first encounter, though some did pass him threatening looks in passing or in class. None of them mattered in the long run, so Eddie just ignored them and went along with his day. He didn’t even give them the pleasure of one of his table rants as he simply ate his pretzels, pretending that he didn’t see their mocking glances from across the crowded lunchroom.
The last bell eventually rang, freeing Eddie from the obligation that was school. There wasn’t a Hellfire meeting today, so he made a beeline for his van and drove off happily. He didn’t head towards home, though, not feeling like sitting in the empty trailer even if he could drown out the silence by blaring his music or jamming on his guitar. Eddie was feeling more like reading in seclusion and drove to his favorite place to be alone.
Parking on the side of the road instead of in the forest preserve car lot, Eddie exited his van then grabbed his back pack, slinging it over his shoulder. This stretch of road was much closer than the parking lot, so it felt like he was wasting his time driving all the way to the lot just to double back. He’d never received a ticket so far, and he doubted that Chief Hopper cared to come out to these backroads when the mayor was running him ragged to prepare the Easter parade that would double as a soft launch for Kline’s re-election campaign. If he wasn’t a cop, Eddie might actually feel sorry for the poor bastard.
Serene sounds surrounded Eddie as he walked further into the woods. He hadn’t suddenly developed a love of hiking and had a destination in mind. The water tower in the middle of the woods was old-fashioned with a cone top that sloped just enough that someone could sit comfortably without worrying too much about falling off the other side.
Many people called the water tower an eyesore, wanted to update it, turn it into something it wasn’t. They wanted to change it to a modern one with a rounded top. One that didn’t have rusted metal and wasn’t adorned with chipping white paint. One that didn’t wear the green words that read “Hawkins” like a battle scar across its chest. He tore up every petition someone dared to pass his way, because maybe it was silly, but when Eddie was up there, he honestly felt nothing bad could happen in the world.
Eddie felt his heart swell as he finally arrived in front of the water tower he loved so much. He walked up to it with a comfortable familiarity then gripped the rusted ladder to climb up onto the top. It appeared to have rained while he was in school as the surface was slicked with water droplets that still clung to the metal. Not that Eddie minded, he pulled out his book then used his backpack as a cushion then settled in to enjoy his solitude, comforted in the fact that nothing could disturb him while he was here.
As far as Steve could remember, the world always shit on him. It started when he was born in Hawkins, Indiana to a successful investment banker and his homeowner association loving wife. They had a pattern. Steve’s dad would go off on a business trip, cheat on his wife, and then Steve’s mom would fly out to wherever his dad had squirreled away to police him with neither seeming to realize that they had left their son home alone. Though that made sense since they treated Steve more like he was an item on a nuclear family shopping list. Loveless marriage? Check. Big house in small town suburbia? Check. Son to pin all their lost hopes and dreams on? Double check.
And for two people who were never around, they sure loved to micromanage Steve’s life, too. He couldn’t have friends they didn’t approve of first. His room had to be spotless with only decorations that his mom felt would be appropriate to be seen on the occasional house tour when they had company over for dinner. They picked out his classes for him and the college he would be attending in the future. Even his girlfriend Nancy, who he was starting to think he only loved as a friend, was looked over by his parents with a fine-tooth comb before he could ask her out on a date to ensure she wouldn’t be an embarrassment to the Harrington name.
It had gotten to the point where Steve wasn’t sure who he was exactly, or if he even existed. Most of the time, he felt like he was strapped down in order to allow some stranger to manipulate his body and run his life. The person didn’t talk like Steve wanted to talk nor did he act like how Steve wanted to act. It was as if years of conditioning had taken over Steve’s body, gained sentience, and worked him like a puppet to further his dad’s goals. So, he questioned if he existed, if he was real.
Steve didn’t think he would’ve noticed any of this if Eddie Munson hadn’t moved to town, though. Eddie had everything Steve could ever wanted, and Steve hated him for it. For starters, Eddie had an uncle who loved him, worked hard to make sure Eddie knew he was safe and loved. He could say what he wanted, do what he wanted, wear what he wanted. He had real friends, ones that cared for him and laughed at his stupid jokes because they actually found them funny. From the way Eddie glowered at the popular kids, it didn’t even seem like Eddie knew what he had, which only made Steve hate Eddie more.
Not that any of that mattered any longer as Steve looked over the small town from the top of the tall water tower that was basked in the deep red glow from the setting sun. In all of Hawkins, the water tower was the tallest structure, besides the quarry which was simply deep. Steve couldn’t go to the quarry for this, though. People worked at the quarry, hiked by the quarry, his body would be found in the water if he jumped there. No one would see him here next to the rusted white and green eyesore that everyone ignored, just like him. It’d be like he simply disappeared, which as Eddie had said, would be the best thing he could offer this world.
“Go fuck yourself, Hawkins!” Steve screamed out into the dying light. “I’ll see you in Hell!”
Checking his pocket, Steve confirmed that his suicide note was on him, that he hadn’t left it where someone could find it, before he crept up to the edge. The sense of nervousness slowly disappeared as acceptance crept into his bones, and he paused one last time to take in the scenery, only for his foot to twist at the last moment on the slicked metal of the worn-out tower. Steve had prepared a more poetic swan dive, but instead, he was on his ass, sliding awkwardly off the edge. He could picture the words on his tombstone now, “Steven Harrington died how he lived, a screw-up.”
As Steve went over the edge, though, a hand shot out and grabbed his, holding it for dear life. The sudden jerk caused pain to shoot through his arm, signaling that he possibly dislocated it. Tears stung at the corners of Steve’s eyes as he glanced up, wanting to know who stopped him from finally being free of this shitty town. To his horror, Eddie Munson’s wide, panicked eyes met his gaze. Out of all the people in Hawkins, Steve figured Eddie would be the happiest to watch him die.
“Let go, asshole!” Steve yelled at him. “You’re ruining everything!”
“What the fuck, Harrington!? Why the fuck would I let go!? Do you want to die!?”
“Yeah, that’s kind of the planned outcome when someone is committing suicide, Munson!”
Eddie’s grip on Steve’s hand tightened and wrenched Steve up with a surprising amount of strength. Even with the slicked surface of the metal water tower, Eddie didn’t falter once, resolutely dragging Steve’s ass to safety. Steve also had the decency not to struggle since he’d come here to kill himself, not take anyone down with him.
Surprisingly, despite not being in any sports, Eddie managed to drag Steve back onto the side of the roof. He didn’t let go until they were both situated on the water tower’s highest point, which was furthest away from the edge. They sat there, breathing heavily from the pained extrusion both of them experienced as Steve had just been caught mid-fall while Eddie had deadlifted a well-muscled jock to safety.
Steve watched Eddie fumble through his pockets before he finally found what he was looking for, a pack of cigarettes. Noticing Steve’s gaze, Eddie offered a cigarette to him first before taking one for himself. It wasn’t Steve’s typical brand, but he supposed that these would suffice given that he left his own pack at home. He did have his lighter, though, and took it out so he could light both cigarettes, allowing them to quietly smoke together.
Silence permeated between them as Eddie’s hands shook. It was clear that this had upset Eddie, though Steve didn’t know why. He didn’t know much about the other as Eddie was only an outlet for Steve’s jealousy. Getting to know Eddie would make it harder for him to remain angry, to keep taking out his aggression on him if he became a real person in his mind. He almost laughed, thinking about Eddie’s words from this morning. Eddie was right. Steve really was a piece of work. One his dad had brutally crafted with his own hands.
“I must have misheard, right?” Eddie asked, breaking the quiet and pulling Steve from his self-deprecating thoughts. “You just fell. Harrington, say you slipped and fell.”
“Well, I did, but I’d meant to jump. Like a swan dive.” Steve made the motion of diving with his hand, adding a crash sound effect for his landing. “Figured it’d kind of be like I was flying for a little bit before I landed. I heard if you hit the cement in a certain way, you don’t even feel it. Not that anyone can actually confirm that since they’re... you know, dead.”
Eddie stared at Steve with his mouth agape, clearly not liking Steve' s answer. Then his expression twisted to a pained one that screamed out the guilt that Eddie was feeling. Steve didn’t know why Eddie would feel that way. Well, he sort of knew given that Eddie had told him to disappear after Steve had bullied him, but Steve figured that everyone in school wished that. Steve was certain that some of his friends probably even wished that, thinking that they could be the king if Steve was finally out of the way.
“Was it what I said? When I told you to-” Eddie pulled his knees up to his chest as he let the cigarette dangle carelessly between his fingers. “I- I didn’t think you’d actually- Fuck, dude, I’m so fucking sorry.”
Steve sighed. “It has nothing to do with you. I’ve been planning it for a while now actually.”
“I don’t get it then. Why? You’ve got everything. Money. The girl of your dreams. Popularity. How could you- Can’t you see how lucky you are? How some people would kill for what you have, man?”
“Here. A sneak peek at the soon to be late Steve Harrington’s suicide note.”
Reaching into his pocket, Steve pulled out a folded piece of loose-leaf paper then held it out to Eddie, who stared at it like it was a bomb about to go off in his face. The reaction made Steve feel a little guilty, so he started to pull his hand back, only for Eddie to suddenly snap and rip the letter out of Steve’s hand. Eddie glared at Steve as he did so, clearly angry, though again, Steve didn’t know why. They were practically strangers, almost enemies. He honestly thought Eddie of all people would be happy if Steve did the world a favor and removed himself from it.
Eddie then turned his attention to the note, unfolding it. His eyes scanned over it, and Steve could only imagine what Eddie was thinking. To be honest, it was more of an apology letter than a suicide notes. He said he was sorry to his dad for not becoming what he wanted him to be, for letting him down time and again. He apologized to his mom for ending the line since she had wanted him to get married and have grandkids. Steve’s final apology was to Nancy for not being a better boyfriend, for being too clingy and needy, which he knew suffocated her.
Sobbing soon filled the air, which shocked Steve. He hadn’t thought Eddie would cry over him after everything Steve did. It made Steve wonder if he’d leaned into the bullying for that reason, too. If everyone hated him, then his death wouldn’t hurt anyone. He could die, and everyone would pretend to mourn then move on without being impacted.
“You’re such an idiot, Harrington!” Eddie growled out suddenly as his sadness morphed into anger. “Why the fuck are you apologizing to these jackasses!? If it was me, I’d have told dear old Dad to suck it! Mom to go to Hell! I’d have broken up with Nancy and told her to be happy! I wouldn’t- I couldn’t-”
“I’m not you, Munson.”
“So that makes your life worth shit!? Because you’re not me!?”
“That’s not what I meant.” Steve ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t just not give a shit like you do. I honestly wish I could tell half the guys on the basketball team to fuck off like you do.”
“Then do it! I can help you! Man, I’d love any excuse to screw over those fuckers!”
“See? This is what I mean. It’s just so easy for you to be yourself. I can’t do that. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know even know where to begin to be free.”
Silence fell between them again with only their soft, shallow breaths filled the air between them. Steve could feel Eddie seething beside him, though clearly trying to calm down his emotions as he grit his teeth and clenched his jaw. He honestly hadn’t expected to see this type of reaction from Eddie and the more concern he saw Eddie had for him, the more confused Steve became.
“I could help with that, too,” Eddie muttered quietly once he had finally got his emotions under control again. “I could teach you.”
“How?”
“We make a list of all the things you want to do but don’t think you can because you can’t be like me then we do those.”
“And if that doesn’t work? If that doesn’t help?”
“Then I guess it’s your choice, but I’m not just going to sit back and watch someone die, even that person is you, Harrington.”
“I really don’t get why you give a shit.”
“Because someone has to.”
At that, Steve tore his eyes away and turned his head in the opposite direction while taking a drag of his cigarette. He honestly hated when people pretended to care about him, as if he actually mattered to them. What was it to Eddie if Steve killed himself? It was Steve’s life. He should be able to make his own choice with it at least once in his life.
“You know, I could just jump now,” Steve huffed while blowing smoke through his nose. “Run and leap off the side. There’d be nothing you could do about it.”
“Yeah, but you won’t.”
Steve raised an eyebrow. “I won’t?”
“I’ve been thinking about your setup here.” Eddie snorted as he took another drag of his cigarette. “I don’t think you want your body to be found.”
“That’s ridiculous! Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well, this is the highest point in Hawkins, so I could almost buy your story of wanting to die falling, except you didn’t fight me when I pulled you up. Of course, maybe you were just looking for attention and I gave it to you when I stopped you. Except, this place is so out of the way, if you’d truly wanted to be stopped, you’d have picked a more public place or wouldn’t have brought your suicide note with you.”
Steve gulped, feeling his palm starting to sweat. He realized in that quiet moment that he had previously shared with Eddie wasn’t simply for Eddie to call himself. It seemed like he had also thought over Steve’s motives before choosing to speak. Did he really want to talk Steve out of killing himself that badly that he prepared counterpoints? Maybe if Eddie had done this type of critical thinking in school, the bastard would’ve graduated and left Hawkins, leaving Steve free to do as he pleased with his life.
“The way I see it? You chose the water tower because it’s out of the way in the middle of nowhere,” Eddie continued. “And unless there’s a very large fire, no one is going to check on it. Then since it’s so ugly and not near any trails, no hikers would find you either. That would leave your body exposed to the elements, making it the perfect meal for a coyote. You chose a rainy day so that when you did hit the payment, the blood would be easy to wash. All that leaves me thinking that you really don’t want anyone to see you die.”
“It’s not what you think. It’s-”
Eddie’s piercing gaze shifted to Steve, which strangled the sentence in Steve’s throat. His eyes said it all, that he’d figured out what Steve had been thinking when he’d chosen here to be the place that he died. Not that Steve was going to admit that to him.
“It’s really not,” Steve insisted weakly.
“It’s not? I really don’t get it, but I think you’re worried about inconveniencing people with your death. Like you don’t want others to see your pain, so you planned out a way to kill yourself that would leave the least impact. That’s why I think as long as I’m here, you’re not going to jump. In a strange twist of events, King Steve isn’t that selfish after all.”
The words knocked Steve hard in the chest as he’d never heard someone say that about him. Even his parents called him a leech, that now that he was eighteen that he should move out or expect to pay rent. Nancy had called him that once when he’d taken her to a fancy restaurant. She said he took her where he’d enjoy, not thinking about her tastes at all. The thing was, Steve didn’t like it there either. He just thought that the place would make their date more romantic.
“Eddie-”
“Just come with me to the diner,” Eddie pleaded. “If the list doesn’t work then I won’t interfere again. You can leap off whatever you want and I won’t stop you. Just delay your swan dive a couple of days. What’s it matter if it’s today or tomorrow or a week from now? At least you can say you crossed some shit off the bucket list before you go.”
Against his better judgment, Steve considered Eddie’s words. He supposed that Eddie was right, that it didn’t matter when he committed suicide. Once he was dead then he’d be dead and time would stop for him forever. That’s why he nodded, agreeing for the time being to delay his plans until Eddie was satisfied enough to let Steve go.