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Tobias was absolutely not taking in a word of the spellbook he was trying to read. Relaxing on his and Sirena's bed, enjoying the brief moment away from everything else, this was typically the best time to try and learn anything at all from the tome, experimenting as the dark magic came easier and easier to his fingertips. Typically, Sirena was here with him, and wasn't talking to the ship's doctor about birth control while trying not to give away the reason why she was asking about it.
And didn't that make Tobias' head spin. The speed at which things had changed, the way they had changed, he sometimes wondered if he'd died four months ago, when he'd lost his leg. But no, if he was dead it would either be worse or better than this, right? If it was hell, Sirena wouldn't be here and wouldn't love him in the same twisted way he loved her. Heaven, Captain Zephyr and his bullshit wouldn't be here instead. Purgatory would probably be boring, and whatever this was, it wasn't boring.
That being said, Tobias' personal view of the afterlife didn't actually include any sort of conscious continuation after death. Especially not for witches, their souls were too eaten up by the Void to do anything but join that fabric which made up everything between the physical. Coma dream was technically a possibility, but he knew Captain Zephyr would just have him killed instead of putting up with having a comatose crew member eating up resources.
Therefore, this was real life. Sirena had really kissed him, had really told him she loved him in all the ways she shouldn't, and had really let him-
Shaking his head sharply, Tobias cut off that train of thought, even as the phantom of his little sister sat heavy on his tongue. Void, he didn't understand how this could be real, but it was. With a groan, Tobias got up, shoved the book back in its hiding spot, and then flopped face down on the bed. It didn't really help him avoid thinking about Sirena, of course. The damn pillows smelled like her. And him, he supposed, but that mattered a lot less.
If Tamzin figured out why Sirena was asking after birth control, there was a good chance that everything would come crashing down. Maybe that was better to focus on. It made his guts scrunch up with terror, but that was a much more familiar feeling than lingering on how Sirena felt the same as him.
By time the door opened, Tobias had worked himself into a near panic. Rolling over onto his side, he watched as Sirena sat down on the edge of the bed, letting out a heavy sigh as she did so.
"How did it go?" Tobias forced himself to ask, kind of dreading the answer.
There was no way to know what Captain Zephyr would do if he found out that his precious (forcibly adopted) daughter was crossing all sorts of lines with her (pointedly not adopted, forcibly or otherwise) brother. Well, Tobias had some suspicions that this was actually an outcome that Captain Zephyr may have been sort of hoping for, but only in the sense that it would be yet another thing to hold over their heads. Having the crew turn on the two of them would fuck everything up, so it would work pretty good as leverage, admittedly.
"She's smart, Tobias. I don't know what I expected," Sirena ran a hand through her hair and Tobias felt ice in his veins.
He didn't want to believe that Tamzin would betray them. She was better than that, probably. She actually cared. But this was probably too far for even her to overlook.
Before Tobias could ask just how bad things were now, Sirena continued speaking.
"I mean, she didn't actually say shit. Well, no, she gave me the long-lasting shot, should last three years but I have to get it again in two and a half just to be safe, and then told me that she felt morally obligated to give me this shit," at this, Sirena tossed a couple of pamphlets on the bed between them, "and I know she doesn't really believe this bullshit. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure she knows. I also don't think she's going to fuck things up over this. I think she'll keep quiet, even if she disapproves. Void, I think she already kind of suspected. She said some weird things when you were still out after-" she waves at the place where Tobias' left leg now ends just over where his knee once was.
The pamphlets, as Tobias quickly discovers, were about abstinence. A quick flip through them revealed that they were very much from the perspective of a religion that Tobias knew for a fact Tamzin did not in any way believe or follow. There was a very high chance Riley had stolen these in a raid at some point because she thought they were funny, and then gave them to Tamzin in the hopes that it would amuse her. And, if that theory was correct, these couldn't possibly be the only copies that Tamzin had, because she would not give away a gift from Riley, no matter how silly.
"Have you actually read these?" Tobias asked, sitting up properly, leaning against the wall their bed was up against as he squinted at the paper in his hands.
And wasn't that kind of odd. Paper. Maybe Tamzin got these when they were docked on some distant station, being handed out by someone who stuck to older technology as part of their religion or whatever. Those people tended to be into paper. Most people didn't really need paper anymore, they all had tablets. Exceptions were cults and shit like that, or spellbooks. So, of course, Captain Zephyr didn't allow a single person other than himself to have one on this ship.
"I haven't. I was a bit busy trying to convince myself that I hadn't fucked up by not just stealing the damn injector myself. Why? What do they say?" Sirena grabbed the one Tobias was holding, flipping through it with increasing visible amusement.
"The more people you sleep with, the less able you are to bond with someone? If you have sex, you will get pregnant and die? No birth control works one-hundred-percent? Damn, sweetheart. Looks like it's a good thing I'm not going to fuck anyone but you," Sirena tossed the pamphlet aside, looking over at Tobias with a smile like a predator.
Never in his life had Tobias been so happy to be prey. The thrill zipping through him sure was...something. Fuck, did Sirena already know how badly he wanted to be controlled by her? Did she know that acting like this was like a drug to him? Heat was pooling heavy in his gut and he desperately picked up another pamphlet in the hope it would distract him, just a little.
"I wouldn't blame you. If you wanted to-"
"What?" Sirena was frowning now, fuck why was that hotter?? "You think I want to fuck other people? Toby, my Heart, I don't know if you've noticed, but there's no one else I want. What, do you want...?"
At the hint of worry in her eyes, Tobias didn't hesitate to shake his head, "No. I'm...I'm broken or something. You're the only one I've ever..."
"Okay, you're not broken either," Sirena shook her head, "Maybe we were just made for each other, and the Void knew that it would be easier for you to realize that if you had no other options."
"Am I being insulted?" Tobias asked, laughing a bit.
"I don't know. Maybe," Sirena laughed and turned back to the pamphlets, "This stupid thing says you can get pregnant from oral sex, by the way. Bad news for us, I guess."
Oh, the heat that had begun to dim a bit flared up much hotter than before at that. Memories swirled through his head. The first time Sirena had- and then when she had let him- Voiddamn it! At this rate, she was going to notice that he was getting turned on. Unless she already knew and was just torturing him. That seemed possible. He'd thought he'd been aware of how much she liked to poke and prod and tease, but it was nothing compared to how she was now. Nothing holding her back other than the fear of discovery.
She really was so much better than he had ever dared to dream. The guilty twist in his stomach was familiar, but it was easier to snuff out now. She wanted this, she wanted him, it was fine to feel like this.
"Well, if oral sex can get you pregnant, I guess that's finally safe to do, huh? I mean, I had no idea those other times were risky. Good thing these incredibly helpful pamphlets could teach us the error of our ways," Sirena was grinning again.
Suddenly, everything was bordering on being too much. All Tobias could do was whimper a bit, a truly pathetic sound. It made Sirena grin even wider. The pamphlets were cast aside, she twisted, on her hands and knees as she moved closer. It felt like being hunted down and there was no way Sirena hadn't noticed the way his breathing had sped up.
Without any conscious input from his brain, Tobias' eyes flicked down, the neck of her shirt was wide enough that he could see- He could see- Void, he could see her bra clinging to her breasts. Black, practical, probably her comfy one. Which he knew about because they had shared a room since they arrived on this Voiddamn ship. And he'd seen her breasts for the same reason, but he hadn't looked. Not really. He was allowed to look now.
Sirena let out a laugh and Tobias' eyes snapped back to her face. Void, she looked so happy. There was a smile on her lips, something amused and softer than she usually allowed. Her hazel eyes were sparkling, and her dark hair fell soft around her shoulders and framed her face. She would have looked soft, if not for the scars. The reminders of how dangerous she had to be. They both had to be.
And then she was there, between his legs (leg and half-leg) (he tried not to look at the remains of his left leg, he didn't know how to handle how different it was than what he still sort of expected to see) smiling at him. Her hands moved to his thighs, he was only wearing boxers and a loose shirt, their skin was touching. Not for the first time, but it still felt like something electric. The intent was still new, though Tobias couldn't imagine that time would grant him any level of immunity to her.
"You look a little nervous, Toby. Worried that you'll knock me up if I blow you again?" She grinned, the usage of the childhood nickname making something stir inside him.
The first time they had done this, Tobias had been terrified that crossing this line would be what snapped them both out of whatever was wrong with them. Whatever shared insanity made it so they thought that they wanted this with each other. Only, it hadn't. Every step forward, every kiss, every little thing they shouldn't want, the fear lingered, and it never came true. If anything, the childhood nickname was only a confirmation that Tobias wasn't somehow in denial of who Sirena was to him. That he wasn't tricking himself into thinking of Sirena, the eighteen year old who had killed and tortured and cannibalized, who he loved beyond all reason and morals, and Rena, the little sister who clung to him during parties that neither wanted to attend, who convinced him to get into all sorts of trouble, who he looked out for and would protect with his life...they weren't separate in his mind.
Likewise, Toby, the protective older brother, and Tobias, the murderer and pawn in Captain Zephyr's fucked manipulations, were the same. They had always been who they were, and this might have been inevitable.
Instead of saying literally any of that, because Tobias wasn't sure that it wouldn't kill the mood and he desperately did not want to do that, he just kind of whined. That whine broke into a proper moan as Sirena grabbed his dick through his boxers, not hard enough to hurt, but only just. His hips bucked up into her touch and his eyes fluttered closed. He couldn't help it, the feeling of her hand was still one of the best things in the universe.
"Wow, you're feeling needy today, huh?" Sirena laughed lightly.
Void, Tobias would do anything she asked. She had to know that. All he could do was nod, a whispered "Please," falling from his lips.
Sirena came closer, her lips hovering next to his ear, her breath hot and faster than usual against his skin. He could hear the grin in her voice as she spoke.
"What do you want, my Heart? Do you want me to blow you again? You seemed to love it the first time. But the doctor told me my birth control won't be fully in effect until next week, and you read those pamphlets. We don't want to risk anything, right?" She drew back, her hand pulling away with her, leaving Tobias more desperate than before.
"Wh- Sirena, what...?" Tobias knew he looked pathetic, hands, curled into the blanket beneath him so he wouldn't reach out for her when he wasn't sure if she would welcome it.
Sirena was playing some kind of game here, but his head felt too clouded to quite figure out what it was. All he knew was that she was no longer touching him, and that maybe meant he shouldn't be touching her, but Void, he wanted to touch her. Instead, he let his eyes drink her in. She looked so please with herself, smiling at him with a nearly cruel glint in her pretty hazel eyes.
"Here's an idea, my Heart. What if, since touching each other is so risky....what if you touched yourself? For me?"
Ah, so that's what this was. Truthfully, Tobias would much rather touch her, but he was willing to try anything she suggested. If it was too unbearable, he knew she would back off, so he nodded. With an answering grin, Sirena didn't hesitate to yank her shirt over her head, unhooking and tossing her bra to the side in nearly the same motion.
"Have to give you something to jerk off to, don't I?" Sirena laughed, her hands moving to cup her own breasts, thumbs flicking over her nipples.
Tobias moved so fast to pull his boxers and shirt off, that he almost didn't wince internally at his left leg. It was easy enough to put that out of his mind, though. One look at his little sister playing with her breasts, a nearly evil smirk on her face, was enough to fully distract him from any other thoughts.
"Come on, Toby. Show me how much you like this."
And really, who was Tobias to disobey her? He knew his heart was beating wildly in her chest, and he could feel hers racing in his own. A bond that could never be undone, and which had saved his life once already. It felt almost like a thread, linking the two of them together even more than their shared genes.
Hand on his cock, Tobias spread his legs (leg and a half) to give Sirena a better view as he masturbated. His eyes flickered over her body, lingering on her breasts and hips. Her eyes, though, her eyes were trained on his dick, and she looked hungry. That expression had his cock twitching in his hand, leaking far more than it had when he'd done this on his own.
Slowly, Sirena shifted on the bed. She never took her eyes off of him, but she did remove her own shorts. Fuck, they were both naked, and they were both looking at each other like they were seconds away from pouncing. They wouldn't, Tobias knew they both weren't ready to go farther than oral, but as Sirena's fingers dipped between her folds, he couldn't help the spike of desperate need that thrummed through his very bones.
The room felt hot, like they were trapping themselves in some sort of oven. Fingers and hands speeding up as they devoured each other with their eyes. The fact that Sirena was allowing this, that she was encouraging this, that she wanted this, was burning in Tobias' blood. The way her lower lip caught between her teeth, the way she looked at him like she wanted to eat him- Fuck! Tobias didn't know how much longer he would last.
"Sirena," Tobias moaned, his voice cracking over her name.
He knew the true gods of this world, those that made up the Void, but he could never worship them the way he worshipped her. Sirena let out a breathless chuckle, and Tobias felt his head spin.
"You're doing so- ah! So good for me," Sirena purred, "Void, you're gorgeous. My Heart, I want, ohh, I want to reward you. If you can get off before I do, you can eat me out."
Tobias' fingers tightened, he moved faster, an edge of real desperation to his movements now. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted-
"Fuck," Curling in on himself just a bit, Tobias managed to push himself over the edge, both to the sight of Sirena and the thought of her taste.
She let out a small gasp and Tobias hoped desperately that she hadn't gotten off yet. His head was spinning, his body still shaking through his own climax as he practically lunged forward. Sirena moved her hand out of the way, giving him access to her, laughing at his eagerness. That laugh swiftly became a moan as Tobias got to work.
Tongue swirling, lips moving, hands clinging to her hips in a desperate attempt to bring her even closer, Tobias relished everything. He sucked hard on her clit before rolling his tongue over it, adoration flooding every inch of his body as Sirena's legs twitched and tightened around his head.
"Void, you ar- are so eager. So fucking eager t-to do whatever I want. You like this? You like- FUCK, Tobias! You like making meee," Sirena shuddered, her thought going unfinished as Tobias redoubled his efforts.
That was enough. With a hand gripped so tight in his hair that it hurt, she threw her head back and came, allowing herself to be as loud as either of them had ever dared. Supposedly, the rooms were soundproofed, and Tobias had just enough conscious thought left in his head to be able to hope that was true.
Still, he didn't relent. He drew out Sirena's climax as long as he could manage, until she was collapsed against the bed, panting heavily, her movements as feeble as was possible for her as she shoved his head back.
"Fo- for fuck's sake! St- stop!" She laughed as she shoved, and Tobias went willingly, licking his lips as he backed off.
"You're fucking ridiculous, you know that?" Sirena asked, breathless and still laughing.
Tobias moved to flop down next to her on the bed, facing her. Their hands found each other in the space between them, fingers lacing together. Nothing here was going to try to separate them, but the feeling that they needed to cling to each other, the odd certainty that something was going to try and steal them away from the other, sat heavy in the air after they did anything like this. Not that they'd had any sort of sex all that many times. This was, technically, the fourth time, but the pattern held true. In a minute, Sirena would open her arms and they would cuddle closer. Something that Tobias wanted to do right away, but which Sirena needed a little bit to recover before.
"I know," Tobias smiled at her.
He knew that he looked love-struck, but he couldn't help it. He dared anyone to fall in love with someone half as amazing as Sirena was without becoming completely pathetic for her and her alone.
"Void, I hope Tamzin doesn't want those fucking pamphlets back," Sirena muttered after a moment.
Tobias couldn't help but laugh at that. The abstinence pamphlets had absolutely not survived the sex.