Chapter Text
“Can you just get on the ship already?” Konstantin asked, pinching his furrowed brow in exasperation.
“I can get on the ship, yes,” a young blond man replied, “but I don’t wanna get on the boat.”
“Wanna, wanna, wanna,” Konstantin parroted. He tugged the blond out of the way as a man carrying a large crate strolled down the dock towards the massive, magnificent ship made of the finest wood the kingdom had to offer. Seagulls shrieked overhead as they flew in circles in the cloudless sky. The waters were calm, inviting fishermen and sailors alike to accomplish their jobs with ease. “Did your tutors not teach you proper English? Kakavasha, you may not want to get on the boat, but you will.”
Kakavasha, the fresh-faced eighteen-year-old son of Konstantin Kuznetsov—the son of the king’s head merchant.
He turned the heads of the fairer sex, as often from jealousy of his beauty as it was from a desire to wed and bed him. Kakavasha cared not for their gazes, though. He much preferred and, exclusively, longed for the attention of men. Though homosexuality was frowned upon in the kingdom, it didn’t stop him from flirting with other men. Some reacted positively to it while others brushed it off. Only once had a man reacted poorly, sending Kakavasha packing with a black eye and a bruised ego, which, when questioned about it, Kakavasha claimed to come from a scuffle over the sanctity of his father’s name. Konstantin approved, glad to see him “acting like a man” for once.
If only he knew what it was truly about.
If only he knew that his son lost his virginity to a man on the last family vacation to the neighboring kingdom, which they had only just returned from a couple of weeks ago. Kakavasha had caught the eye of the young priest with hair so grey that it was practically white at an old, ornate church they toured. While his parents continued on, Kakavasha stayed behind to speak with the man, the two of them quickly deducing each other’s lust and agreeing to meet back at the church that night.
Thus, Kakavasha snuck out of the lavish inn, pale skin positively glowing in the moonlight as he ran through the streets, holding back giddy giggles on the way to his clandestine meeting.
The man, Sunday, worshiped his body during the witching hour, taking Kakavasha on the altar as he found a new religion. Sunday whispered praises against his skin, sealing them in with fervent kisses. That tryst was how Kakavasha found out he really, really had a praise kink. He was sad to part ways with the sacrilegious priest but promised to visit him again if his family returned to the kingdom. He also promised that he’d never forget him or the night they shared. How could he when it was the night of his deflowering?
Kakavasha returned to the inn with a sore ass and parents none the wiser.
“Now what are you daydreaming about?” Konstantin asked, throwing his hands up. “Just get on the damn ship, Kakavasha.”
“Kakavasha! Darling, hold on!” a familiar voice called out, accompanied by two sets of hurried footsteps. When Kakavasha looked over his shoulder, he saw his mother, Natasha, rushing towards him with his sister, Anastasia, in tow. She held the skirt of her dress up enough to avoid tripping on it as she made her way down the dock. He could see the family’s carriage a ways back, the horses looking around idly at the flurry of people preparing for the trip. “Hold still.”
Kakavasha did as he was told, standing still as she came up behind him. He soon felt her gathering the longer hair at the nape of his neck into a ponytail, tying it securely with a ribbon. He had a teal one, but he lost it during his intimate rendezvous with Sunday. Imagining Sunday finding it on the altar next day had him smirking internally. “What’s this?” he asked.
“Another teal ribbon,” his mother explained. “I know how that one was your favorite, and teal suits you so well.”
“Besides, you look way better with your hair back,” Anastasia teased him.
“I look fantastic no matter how I wear my hair, thank you very much,” Kakavasha replied. He knew he was attractive and wasn’t afraid to flaunt his good looks. He had once put on one of Anastasia’s dresses and had her do up his face with makeup, going out into town and pretending to be just some woman. The amount of gazes that lingered on him and compliments he received—from men and women alike—proved that he was adorable as a man and beautiful as a woman. Konstantin hadn’t been a fan of Kakavasha parading around as a woman for the day and sent him to bed without food that night.
“Natasha, you’re delaying us more than Kakavasha already is. He’s refusing to get on the ship, and I’m just about ready to carry him onto it myself,” Konstantin sighed heavily, clearly growing more and more irritated with each passing second. Kakavasha wondered if his father actually loved his mother with how he talked to her sometimes—if not loved her then at least respected her. As their child, however, it wasn’t his business.
“Give him a break, Konstantin,” Natasha tutted. “This is going to be his first time on a ship. You never let him come with before.”
“Because a busy ship is no place for a kid. He’s an adult now, though, so it’s time he finally joined the crew,” Konstantin rebutted. When he was a kid, Kakavasha had always wanted to join his father, but as he grew older, Kakavasha came to realize that he feared the sea. It was far too vast and far too deep for his tastes. If he fell overboard, that was it. He’d die alone looking at nothing but the waves and the distant horizon, salt on his tongue and stinging his eyes. Kakavasha could enjoy the salty sea air from his hilltop home overlooking the sea at a safe, respectable distance.
“Can’t I just handle land-based dealings?” Kakavasha whined. “Make Anastasia the next in line for the ship. She’s older.”
“A ship is no place for a young lady,” Konstantin responded, clicking his tongue in annoyance. “My crew is made up of respectable men, but it gets lonely at sea. Even the best men could slip up.”
Kakavasha grimaced, not wanting to imagine anyone trying to touch his sister inappropriately. Anastasia would probably break their hands if they tried anything, though. She was a tough, independent woman with her own ideals. His parents were still insisting that she settle down with a man now that she was in her early twenties, but so far, she was still getting away with refusing. Their parents had already begun talks of marriage for Kakavasha, wanting him to find a nice lady to call his own. Konstantin wanted him to find a homemaker and get to producing kids right away. Kakavasha would rather jump off the cliff their home sat atop than do any of that. If he was going to be in a relationship, he wanted it to be with someone of his choosing—which wouldn’t be a woman. Kakavasha wanted a tall, handsome man that could break him in half if he really wanted to but also knew how to cuddle and praised him on the daily.
Was that really asking for too much?
“Kakavasha?” his mother’s voice brought him out of his reverie.
“Hm?”
“I said that I love you and to have a safe trip,” she repeated herself. She was used to Kakavasha’s airy daydreaming at that point, unlike Konstantin, who still looked like he wanted to smack the daydreams right out of his pretty, blond head. “Anastasia and I will be waiting for you two when you come back.” Natasha drew Kakavasha into a big hug, which Anastasia joined, sandwiching Kakavasha between them. Couldn’t they just hold him there forever so he couldn’t possibly get on the boat?
“I love you too,” Kakavasha murmured as he buried his face in the crook of his mother’s neck, taking in the scent of her perfume. He was enveloped in the warmth of his mother’s and sister’s arms, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. His family’s house could burn to the ground, and he’d still have a home, right there in their embrace. Kakavasha couldn’t remember the last time his father hugged him, though.
Eventually, they had to separate from their hug. Natasha placed a kiss on Kakavasha’s cheek, and Anastasia ruffled his bangs, sending them into disarray. Kakavasha laughed and combed them back into place. Anastasia immediately messed them up again, grinning at her younger brother. This time, Kakavasha huffed as he brushed them out with his fingers. “I’m just helping you get the windswept look right away,” Anastasia joked as she reached towards Kakavasha’s hair again. Kakavasha dodged her, bumping into Konstantin as he did so, who let out a grunt of disapproval.
“That’s enough playing around,” Konstantin said gruffly. He took a step closer to his wife, drawing her into a quick kiss. He then hugged his daughter, just another brief interaction. Konstantin wasn’t a man to show much affection. “We’ll see you two in about two weeks’ time.”
“Take me back home with you,” Kakavasha begged his mother and sister. “I’ll do all of the housekeeping for a month if you do.”
“We already have people for that,” Konstantin pointed out, ire growing with each word that left Kakavasha’s mouth. “You’re getting on the ship now.” Kakavasha didn’t get a chance to protest further as his father grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around, marching him towards the gangplank where other sailors continued to move merchandise onto the ship.
“I love you!” Kakavasha called over his shoulder to Natasha and Anastasia, getting one last look at them before having to watch his step as he began walking up the incline of the plank.
“I love you too, dear!” Natasha responded, giving him a wave. “Stay safe!”
“Love you too, loser!” Anastasia shouted back to him. “Bring me back something awesome!”
If they weren’t in front of a man rolling a barrel up the gangplank, Kakavasha would’ve dug his heels in and fought against his father’s pushing. He wasn’t about to make the other guy’s life harder, though, lest he or the barrel fall into the sea. Climbing up the gangplank felt like slow motion, but the moment his feet were flat on the deck, it was as if someone had pressed fast-forward, everything around him speeding by in a flurry of working men. His father pulled him out of the way when he stopped right where the plank ended, allowing the man with the barrel to pass them.
Can Father feel me shaking?
Kakavasha looked back towards the docks, which seemed so far below them now. He could see the family carriage pulling away, the horses trotting up the cobblestone road to take Natasha and Anastasia back home. Though they couldn’t see him anymore, Kakavasha waved weakly at the retreating carriage. His father snorted derisively beside him and said, “You’ll see them again soon. Now, come—I’ll show you around the ship.”
Konstantin brought Kakavasha around the ship, showing him the deck and the lower levels, pointing everything out to him. Kakavasha had seen the diagrams of his father’s ship before, so he had a general idea where everything was. He knew the gaff sail from the jib sails, the keel from the hull. He knew the crew’s quarters from the captain’s quarters, and he knew the galley from the mess. When they wandered through the crew’s quarters, Konstantin assigned him a hammock, which had Kakavasha grimacing internally. He had hoped that he would’ve gotten a cabin like his father’s, but alas, he was stuck in the cramped space in the fo’c’sle, the frontmost portion of the ship, like the rest of the crew. While Kakavasha knew a handful of the men that were friends of his father, he was mostly going to be sharing the space with strangers. Each crewmate they passed as they toured the ship, Konstantin introduced him to.
How the hell am I going to remember everyone’s names?
By the time they had walked the whole ship, most everything was loaded and ready to go. Konstantin brought Kakavasha up to the quarterdeck, directing him to the helm. “Don’t move anything, but get a feel for it,” Konstantin said to Kakavasha, gesturing to the wheel. Kakavasha took a hold of two of the handles, feeling the polished wood against his palms. His hands were small enough that his fingers couldn’t touch his thumbs as he held the handles, and he wondered if that would make things difficult. He wasn’t large by any means. He stood shorter than Anastasia but taller than Natasha. Around five-foot-five, Kakavasha was dwarfed by Konstantin, who stood a foot taller than him. Konstantin had voiced his displeasure at how petite Kakavasha had ended up being, saying that he was hardly a man at that size. It wasn’t as if Kakavasha could control how much he grew—or didn’t, for that matter.
“The wheel is practically as big as I am,” Kakavasha said. “How am I supposed to turn this thing? Hell, how am I supposed to see over it? This isn’t meant for people my size.”
“Get thick boots instead of those pansy shoes of yours, and maybe you’ll stand a little taller,” Konstantin replied. Kakavasha looked down at his shoes with a frown. They were perfectly acceptable shoes for someone his age and of his standing, the buckles nice and shiny. Were they the best shoes for working on a ship? Honestly, no, but he didn’t own any working boots. Konstantin had never told him to get a pair before their voyage, and it was too late at that point. It would have to wait until they reached their destination a week from then.
Kakavasha was not looking forward to going a week without bathing.
—
That first night, Kakavasha didn’t get a wink of sleep. The hammock was uncomfortable, and some of the men snored louder than the water crashing against the base of the bluff where his home sat. The following nights, Kakavasha managed an hour or two, but beyond that, sleep continued to elude him. He spent half of his waking time at the helm with his father and half on the deck helping the rest of the crew. The men he worked with treated him better than his father, though that wasn’t too difficult of a feat. A young deckhand—perhaps a few years older than Kakavasha—named Sebastian treated him like a lifelong friend. They chatted away as they worked, talking about anything and everything. Kakavasha told him what the neighboring kingdoms were like while Sebastian regaled him with tales of his homeland, which lay far, far away from the kingdom in which Kakavasha had been born and raised. Sebastian told him all about his girlfriend, and when asked about his own love life, Kakavasha simply said that he hadn’t found the right person yet. When Sebastian asked what type of girl he was looking for, Kakavasha kept it vague, unable to say that he wasn’t looking for a girl at all. He told Sebastian that he hoped to find someone charming with a good sense of humor and a bright smile.
Kakavasha and Sebastian sat together in the mess for each meal so they could continue to talk while they ate. It was hard to hear each other over the other boisterous men, but they still managed to converse just fine. He hoped he could continue going unnoticed by the other men during mealtimes, not wanting to be the center of attention, but on the third morning at breakfast, he was finally thrust into the spotlight.
“So, what are your plans for marriage, Kakavasha?” one of the men asked. If he remembered correctly, his name was Don. He looked vaguely familiar, so Kakavasha wondered if he had seen him out on land at some point.
“I don’t have any,” Kakavasha responded, spoon halfway to his mouth. Some of the hominy grits fell back down to his plate. The food on the ship was… tolerable. It definitely wasn’t anything to write home about, unless it was to complain.
“I want him married within the year,” Konstantin spoke up.
“You should find yourself a cute foreign girl and bring her home,” Don chuckled. “We’ve definitely come across some exotic beauties on our trips before.”
Kakavasha shook his head before placing the spoonful of grits into his mouth, avoiding having to say anything in response. The coarse texture of the hominy made his tongue feel weird, and he hated it. At least the taste was decent, and they were filling. There was nothing worse than having to work on an empty stomach, and the grits had proven the past few days that they could tide him over until the next meal. Sometimes, when he got in trouble as a child, Konstantin would withhold meals from him but make him sit at the table and watch everyone else eat. Anastasia usually ended up sneaking him snacks later on, though, ever the kind older sister.
“Aw, you’d rather have a girly from home?” Don asked. “There are plenty of gorgeous women back home, too, I suppose. You’re lucky most women are so short.”
I want a man.
“Stop teasing the poor boy,” the man beside Don laughed, bumping shoulders with him. Don bumped back twice as hard, which only made the man laugh more. “It’s not his fault he’s a pipsqueak.”
Kakavasha was by far the shortest one on the ship, just as he was the thinnest one there. He was slender, naturally leaning towards the underweight end of things. Each man on that ship could easily pick him up and throw him over their shoulder. While the thought of a tall, strong guy manhandling him like that was an absolute turn-on, he didn’t want it to be any of the men there—especially not when some of them knew him since he was a child.
“I like to consider myself fun-sized,” Kakavasha grumbled after finishing his spoonful of grits. He thought he said it quietly enough that no one heard him, but the guy on his opposite side caught it.
“Fun-sized for who? Are you one of those men who’s into being dominated by women?” the man guffawed.
No. I want to be dominated by a man, Kakavasha wanted to say. Maybe that would get him off of the ship. No one would want a gay man around, right? They’d probably all worry that Kakavasha was lusting over them. Of course, one of the ways they could possibly get him off of the ship was by throwing him overboard. Would his father allow that? Konstantin wouldn’t approve of Kakavasha’s sexuality at all, so Kakavasha wasn’t quite sure whether or not Konstantin would let the men toss him portside. Perhaps they’d just leave him at their stop and force him to find his own way home.
Kakavasha practically inhaled the rest of his grits and left the mess to avoid further discussion of his love life.