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Slowly, I open my eyes. I feel both exhausted and refreshed, as if I just awoke from a very long dream. As my vision clears, I realize I’m not on the train anymore. I also realize I can remember who I am. Not something I should be able to do, considering I scattered my soul across different worldlines.
Wait..
I recognize this ceiling.
How am I here..?
“Dokja-hyung!” “Ahjussi!”
Two children's voices ring out, and soon after I feel two dull impacts on my chest. These two... I missed them a lot. Lee Gilyoung is bawling, while Shin Yoosung is trying, and failing, to hold in her tears. Both are clinging tightly onto me, and I smile, sluggishly moving my arms to rest on their backs.
“Yoosung, Gilyoung..” I start, voice raspy from years of disuse. Has it been years? I was about to say more, but another voice cuts me off.
“Alright, you two. Dokja-ssi is tired and weak, you can’t just jump on him like that! Come on, now.” Yoo Sangah says, her words directed towards the kids yet her gaze is set on me. It’s a tearful one, I note. “Sangah-ssi..”
“Ahjussi’s really awake?!” An excited voice exclaims from behind Yoo Sangah, and Lee Jihye steps forward to take a better look. Jang Hayoung follows, tears freely streaming down both their faces.
“He is! He really is! It worked!” Jang Hayoung sobs, rushing over to my side.
I look over to see Lee Hyunsung staring, dazed, as if the sight of me being awake, okay, is too good to be true. His eyes are reddening, too. My smile widens at this, feeling like he’s going to spout some weird analogy about losing his cartridge again. The door opens and my attention is brought to it, where two very familiar doctors make their way through the small crowd at the door. Aileen Makerfield and Lee Seolhwa rush to my side, herding the children off of me. I have to admit, the weight of having them on top of me hurts.
“It’s nice to have you back, Dokja-ssi.” Lee Seolhwa says, Aileen nodding in agreement next to her. Lee Seolhwa’s voice is still a bit shaky, probably from the sheer disbelief coursing through her veins. Aileen sets on checking my story to see if it’s fully intact, while the other doctor shoos everyone out of the room, promising each of them a visit after.
I feel kind of disappointed, I wanted to have more time with my kids, especially after so long…
I missed all of my companions, actually. It’s weird to admit it.
After a quick yet thorough check up, the pair prescribed me plenty of bed rest. Not like I can go anywhere, I thought. Aileen and Lee Seolhwa leave the room.
- °.• ☆ .• -
Soon after, Jung Heewon walks in. She doesn’t look much different from when I last saw her, except now she’s much cleaner. There’s an unreadable look in her eyes, and I itch to use [Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint] to find out what she’s thinking.
But I can’t. I told myself I wouldn’t, because my companions aren’t characters whoss thoughts I can just read.
It doesn’t mean the temptation isn't there.
After a bit, she spoke.
“Kim Dokja.. I really hate you,” she says. My eyes widen, not expecting the words falling out of her mouth, but I get why she feels this way. I keep my mouth closed as Jung Heewon continues.
“You’re so damn selfish, never thinking about what others want! Why.. why didn’t you get off the train with us… why do you keep sacrificing yourself for others? I don’t want that. We don’t want that. So..” She takes a breath, reddened eyes staring intensely into mine.
“Promise me you’ll stop sacrificing yourself for us. If you try to, I really will keep you locked up!” Jung Heewon finishes, sounding more like herself. I always knew that sacrificing myself like that would harm my companions, but I never realized how deep that harm would be. She’s right, I am selfish. I look at her, opening my mouth to apologize, when she stops me. “Aiyah, don’t apologize! What good is that, when the damage is already done?” She smiles, a shaky, bitter one.
Guilt slowly fills my body. I look up at Jung Heewon, the woman who swore to be my sword. I have so much I want to say, to get down and show how really, truly bad I feel, but all that comes out of my mouth is a shaky, “I understand… I promise I won’t.”
My mediocre answer seems to be enough to satisfy her, because the woman laughs and lightly punches my arm. “Good, good. I still need to punish you, so make sure to heal up quick, okay?” I can say nothing as I watch her figure walk out the door.
- °.• ☆ .• -
The next person to come visit me, a few hours later, is Lee Hyunsung. He shuffles into the room, nervous. A paper is clutched in his hand, and he’s shifting from foot to foot as discreetly as he can possibly manage. Seeing as the larger man probably won’t speak first, I take the initiative to engage him in conversation.
“Hyunsung-ssi. It’s, ah, been a while, hasn’t it?” There. That should be enough of a push.
I predicted correctly, because Lee Hyunsung starts sobbing as soon as the question is done. Trying to calm himself, he looks at the paper in his hands and begins to read.
“Dokja-ssi.. I.. Once, I lost my very special cartridge in the army… It was- On my final day of deployment, when I could finally return to base. I looked everywhere, even going back to check places I had looked before. And there it was.. my special cartridge… but it was in pieces. I tried so hard.. to put the pieces together, but they wouldn’t stay.. I almost gave up, until a miracle happened, and I walked into it’s.. my room to see it put back together again. I.. didn’t know what to say, so I went and wrote it down. Dokja-ssi, I was really and…” Lee Hyunsung says, much calmer now. “Don’t keep hurting yourself for us… please…” his voice drops to a whisper, but I catch it anyways.
“I won’t, Hyunsung-ssi. I’m sorry for making you worry.”
At this, Lee Hyunsung seems to ooze relief. A relieved smile appears on his face and he basically beams at me. He hurries out of the room quickly after.
- °.• ☆ .• -
Lee Jihye, Shin Yoosung, and Lee Gilyoung all come next, a day later. I don’t really know why they came together, but they aren’t mentioning anything about the stunt I pulled. It’s comfortable, the two kids sitting next to me, on the bed telling me about another adventure they had while I was gone, and Lee Jihye sitying on a chair next to the bed interjecting every once in a while to correct a statement, or add on something the two missed, or just to tease the two. It was a nice atmosphere.
Shin Yoosung broke it, surprising me with a sudden comment. “Dokja-ahjussi, you won’t run off and leave us again, right? You’ll stay to watch me and Gilyoung play in the park, and you’ll come to my school for ceremonies, and all that, right?” She asks, in a small voice. Gilyoung, next to her, heard and nodded enthusiastically. “She’s right! Dokja-hyung isn’t allowed to leave, I won’t let him!” They both look at me with hopeful and determined eyes, and I agree, not like I was planning to leave. I’ve misssd so much of their lives, I can’t miss any more. Lee Jihye looks on, smiling too, although tears are forming in her eyes.
“Ahjussi, never leave again…”
“Yeah!”
“If you do, I’ll find you.. and drag you back!”
I pull the three of them close, hugging them tightly. They’re too big for this, I think, but still continue to squeeze them. Eventually, my arms tire out, and I let go. The kids wiggle out from under my arms and then leave the room.
- °.• ☆ .• -
One by one, people I know visit me. I’ve never felt so many people care about me, it’s weird. I grumble about this to Jang Hayoung, and she just laughs. “Dokja-ssi, you’re just now realizing people care for you?” I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment, but I don't bother trying to refute her statement. I know she’s right.
I didn’t realize just how much I missed talking with my companions again. Seeing my companions together made me feel.. happy. I could get used to the feeling.
- °.• ☆ .• -
Han Sooyoung comes to visit after about a week. I don’t know why it took her so long to come, but I’m happy she’s here, at least. In her hand is a smartphone. Brand-new, seems like it costs thousands. She turns the phone on and hands me it. “Read, you said you were going to, weren’t you?” She asks me.
Why am I tearing up? I grab the phone and start. It’s about me, I realize. I get so immersed in Han Sooyoung’s new novel I didn’t realize she left.
- °.• ☆ .• -
The last person to come see me is Yoo Joonghyuk. I didn’t expect him to visit me at all, but he has. He sits down on the chair next to my bed and stares. I stare back, wondering what he would possibly want to tell me. A myriad of emotions pass through his eyes, and he furrows his stupidly elegant brows slightly before speaking.
“Kim Dokja. What… Now that the scenarios have ended, what am I supposed to do?”
I stare at him. I'm not sure how to answer. I had a similar question, once before, but I never had to search for the answer to it.
Sighing, I start to speak. “I’m not sure, Joonghyuk-ah. I.. never thought that far. I think, I was running away from having to live after the scenarios.” I confess, looking down at my hands. Yoo Joongyuk’s silence makes me nervous.
“We can figure it out. Together. We are life and death companions.” He finally says.
I blink. Did. Did he really..? I laugh softly, then harder. I didn’t expect him to say something like that ever, and the absurdity of it all made me start laughing. Yoo Joonghyuk’s brows furrow again, and he frowns. My laughter calms, and I look at Yoo Joomghyuk.
“Yeah, we’ll figure it out together, Joonghyuk-ah.”
At my response, Yoo Joonghyuk smiles. A genuine smile. I didn’t know he could smile like that, but I’m glad I could get him to. I think I smile back.
After a bit, Yoo Joonghyuk leaves, leaving me alone. I open the final chapter of Han Sooyoung’s new story and begin reading.
「We move to a new house, a large one not too far from the complex for us to live in. It’ll be difficult, adjusting to life again, but with my companions, I think I’ll be just fine.」
A large house for all of Kim Dokja’s Company to live in, huh.. Just like I said I wanted. It wouldn’t be a bad idea, if the others aren’t opposed to it. I smile, reading through the chapter. It seems so sweet, it's kind of hard thinking about such an ending belonging to me...
My eyes slowly close, and I drift off into unconsciousness as I finish the final sentence.
「I look across the Han river, seeing the stars reflected in the water. Staring at those dim lights, I realize I can allow myself to be happy.」