Ain’t We Got Fun?

by iPrincezzInuyoukai

Summary:

There were things that Alastor loathed in life that he carried with him into his afterlife.

But without a doubt, one of the things it tried his nerves the most was the obnoxious laughter of those haughty rich people.

And just tonight he was hearing — No, enduring the most unpleasant, most brazen laughter ever echoed in his life.

-or-

After being rescued by the Haz-Been's in the V Tower, Alastor has to deal with losing half his deals, which would be fine if he had done it alone—until Charlie decides that he and her father need to talk.

Notes:

Hello! Somebody else is anxious about what's going to happen? Whetever it is I am crossing my finger for an amazing battle with more musical numbers.

So, this come to me after a few tiktok's, weird, I know, but my these people really know how to edit.

I don't know where I'm going with all this, but I like the theories about a possible battle between Vox and Rosie for Alastor's soul—cutting off where the Haz-Been's are rescuing him.

Oh, and speaking of Rosie, I loved the twist, go girl! Thoug I have seen theories about Rosie is Roo, Rosie is Lilith, and you know what, after the whole 'Pink Diamond = Rose Quartz' I am open to everything

I'd like to write about the fight, but I am in search for more comedy moments so here's the aftermath of the battle.

English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes.

There were things that Alastor loathed in life that he carried with him into his afterlife.

The dogs. A withered garden. The horribly sweet desserts. Having no money in his pockets. Feeling and looking weak in front of the crowds gathered around him. But without a doubt, one of the things it tried his nerves the most was the obnoxious laughter of those haughty rich people.

And just tonight he was hearing — No, enduring the most unpleasant, most brazen laughter, more like the braying of a donkey than the cackling of hyenas he had ever heard in his life and afterlife. Alastor was face-to-face with the King of Hell himself, who had been dying of laughter for about forty minutes.

The King who should’ve been a jester laughed, breathed heavily as he tried to calm down, and then turned to look at him — Only to burst out laughing again!

The vile audacity!

Even though they were both confined to Lucifer’s apartments by Charlie’s order, they had to engage in this silly bonding activity to patch things up and make a clean slate. This was after Charlie ordered her Father to help them at his rescue because it was the King’s fault that Alastor quit as the host of the Hotel and allowed himself to be captured by the Vees and publicly humiliated.

What better way is there to make new friends than to tell them all about your past? That way, you can both understand each other and perhaps find common ground.

Well, no.

At least he didn’t have the audacity to scoff at Lucifer when he told him about the last time he saw his ex-wife or about the ignored messages and calls. This proved once again his point: New technology is useless.

That’s why they were both here. It was either until Charlie decided they had both atoned and made peace, or until one of them attacked the other first. In that case, the noise prompted Vaggie to appear with an angelic spear. She wasn’t going to kill them, just scold them and probably spray holy water on them.

Alastor was fed up with all of this. He had lost his microphone, had a wound on his chest that kept bleeding, his umbrakinesis was gone, and a few straw dolls and puppets wouldn’t serve as his lackeys. On top of that, half of his contracts were gone. At least he was still considered an Overlord with the remaining ones, only now he was ranked far below Zeezi. He was at least grateful that the strings were no longer sewn to his face, not that it prevented his facial muscles from still forming his ever-present smile.

Damn muscle memory!

Lucifer kept laughing. Though his laughter was less intense, it still conveyed mockery and scorn. “This must be the worst ‘trust the process’ I’ve ever seen!” The King wiped his tears away with his palms, being careful not to scratch himself with his claws — Alastor wished he’d gouge his own eyes out while he was at it. “I still can’t wrap my head around what the hell you were thinking, Bambi. Oh right, that’s where you got shot!”

“H̵a! H̸̦̀á̷̻!̸̹͊ Ha̸!” Alastor laughed sarcastically, his typical radio filter malfunctioning. What a humiliation! “But if I h̸a̶v̴e̴ learned anything from our b̸r̸i̶e̸f̶ ̴e̶x̸c̷h̷a̶n̶g̸e̶, it’s that you can a̸l̸w̷a̶y̶s̷ ̴put something back t̴o̶g̷e̴t̶h̷e̸r̵, even if it’s b̷r̴o̸k̵e̸n̷.” The wounded Overlord saw Lucifer’s eyes flicker defiantly. “And I’ll be b̶a̵c̷k̷ ̸soon to make the s̴͚̙͎̀ȋ̸͔̹̄͝n̸̢̦͒́͝ṅ̵̦̬̿͜͝e̶̮̓͛r̵̤̺̪͂̋’̶̹̯͗͑s̴͈̙̪͊̃͛ ̴͎͉̝͛̈́͗h̴͇̑͊͝e̸̼͈̬̾̈́a̴͉͗r̸̢̺̼̈́͐͝t̸̡̩͌͌͌s̵̗͂ ̸̳́̍̽r̶̠̜̎̃͝u̴͚͉̇̓̄ň̷͓̰͕ ̵̹͒̚ͅc̷̣̹͂o̶̝͉͊̄ľ̴̹̥d̴̹͊”

Lucifer hummed, nodding his head slowly and smugly. “Great, because now you have three — Sorry, four Overlords wanting your head as a hunting trophy.”

It was doomed to happen. Alastor’s deal with Rosie was called off when the Radio Demon made the deal with Vox.

Making his old friend and colleague the most powerful Sinner in Hell, and therefore Alastor no longer being one, led to Rosie and her cannibals showing up at the V Tower. His TV-shaped head friend couldn’t help but rub Alastor’s condition in her face, causing a big fight in the Entertainment District and most of the Cannibal Town territory.

Yeah, Rosie, Vox, Valentino, and Velvette did lose deals, but not enough to get them removed from their positions as Overlords. He, on the other hand...

It could’ve ended a lot worse if Lucifer and the Haz-Been’s hadn’t shown up. Use the chaos to free him, fill the V Tower with hellfire, and demolish the Emporium. Poor Charlie and her ‘Thank You’ gala for her new allies.

“Father in Heaven, I believe that this time I won’t miss the next Overlords meeting.”

“O̴f̴ ̶c̷o̶u̷r̴s̵e̸,̸” Alastor growled, “It’s not like I’m the o̵n̵l̷y̸ ̴p̸e̵r̸s̷o̵n̴ Carmilla Carmine doesn’t want to s̵e̶e̸. Or to be close enough for a s̸u̵r̷p̴r̴i̴s̴e̶ ̷a̸t̵t̶a̴c̵k̵.̴”

Lucifer made a nonchalant gesture with his hand, “Carmilla and Zestial both adore me~ And even if your old friends want to stir things up with me,” The blonde just shrugged, showing how indifferent he was to the Sinners’ politics. “I’ve got another six Rings where they’ll never set foot. I’ve no idea what my Sins have been up to.” Was Satan doing a good job in his absence?

“And leave Charlie for — I don’t know how many t̷i̶m̵e̴s̴ ̷t̷h̷i̷s̵ ̵h̸a̸s̴ happened in her p̵o̷o̴r̸,̴ ̶n̷a̸i̶v̴e̵ ̷l̵i̵f̸e̵. Right when it looked like she finally had y̷o̸u̷r̷ ̸s̴u̴p̴p̶o̴r̶t̷ ̸a̶t̸ ̵h̷e̸r̸ ̸Ho̷t̶e̶l̵.”

And just like that, Lucifer’s smile disappeared, and his lips were all tight and furrowed. His eyes turned red, and he glared at him with a hint of gold in his eyes, showing anger and annoyance.

“Don’t drag my daughter into this. You’re lucky she’s willing to honor that stupid favor she owes you — ”

“B̴̫̍̈́ú̵͍̈t̸͔̀̊͌ ̸̳̼͝s̴̹̣̿̆ḩ̵̻̆͊͜e̵̛̺͎͖̿͐ ̷̯͌i̸̺̇͂̍n̸̩͎̂s̷̤̗̥͋͝i̷̧͖͒s̶̠̩̥̔͛̈t̴̢̑ē̵͕͖̆d̸̰͎̆̑̀.̵̺̞̌̎” Alastor interrupted, amused by the King’s irritation. “And the P̴r̴i̶n̸c̸e̷s̶s̷ isn’t a little girl who needs to ask her d̶e̸a̴d̵b̸e̷a̶t̵ ̵d̷a̸d̵d̴y̶ ̸a̸n̴d̶ ̷n̵e̷s̷t̷-̶d̸e̴s̴e̶r̶t̸i̵n̵g̷ ̴m̸o̸m̷m̸y̷ for permission to make her own decisions, however s̶t̵u̴p̷i̸d̷ ̴a̶n̵d̴ ̵q̷u̶e̸s̵t̴i̵o̴n̴a̵b̷l̶e̷ they may be.” Alastor sneered, “For example, that her fiancé is an a̷n̶g̵e̷l̶, the same race that has been k̶i̴l̵l̵i̷n̶g̸ ̴u̶s̶ for years. It’s your choice if you want to indulge h̴e̵r̷ ̴e̶v̷e̵r̶y̶ ̸w̷h̶i̴m̴.”

“Alastor,” Lucifer spoke in a firm voice, standing up and walking until he was in front of him. “Let this be the last time I hear you talk that way about my daughter, about Vaggie, or even about Lilith.” Lucifer demanded. “We can bicker all day if you want. I’ll go along with it if it’ll make you feel better about your wounded ego — ”

Damn, Alastor thought, Did I push my luck too far this time?

“So, you never, never — ”

Alastor jumped when Lucifer cornered him, putting his arms on either side of his head. Instinctively, his ears flattened back. The King of Hell made him stare at him, and Alastor felt what was left of his soul being sucked out of him.

“Talk shit about my family again. Or I’ll open the cage that now protects you.”

Alastor swallowed, but he didn’t let his smile falter. As he’d recently realized, he didn’t think his plans through very well, since he raised his hand. “Is a d̴e̴a̷l̶?̶”

Lucifer looked at his claws, then at him out of the corner of his eye, sighing wearily, pricking his forehead, his devilish features disappearing. “You really are hopeless. You sinners are always thinking about climbing impossible hierarchies.” Didn’t anyone learn anything from Babel? Lucifer was pondering as he walked away from Alastor to change his clothes.

Alastor gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. In the past, his magic would have caused green neon lights to appear, demonstrating his great power to such naive, newly fallen souls, but now not even that.

“Ces salauds v̶o̵n̷t̷ ̶p̴a̵y̶e̶r̸ ̴p̷o̴u̸r̸ ça. Je vais leur prendre leur âme à tous, s̵a̸n̸s̶ ̷e̴x̸c̵e̴p̴t̵i̶o̶n̷.” Alastor looked at Lucifer. The shrimp was taking off his white coat and shirt, exposing his scarred back, and hiding behind one of the doors of his wardrobe. “S̶i̷ ̵ç̸a̶ ̶s̵a̷i̸g̵n̴e̸,̷ ̶t̵a̷n̵t̴ ̶m̴i̵e̵u̶x̸.̶”

“Bambi, j’espère que tu ne parles pas de moi.” Lucifer’s voice echoed.

“Parlez- v̶o̶u̴s̴ français ?” Alastor asked in surprise.

Lucifer finally showed up again, wearing that awful, puffy hot pink robe with the fluffy seams that made him look like a pink chicken strolling through the hotel hallways. Without his top hat, his golden hair fell in an unkempt mess across his face, and his giant, ridiculous duck slippers (seriously, why duck?) completed the outfit.

“Duh,” He answered as if it were the most obvious thing. “All languages come from Enochian, which is my native language.”

Awesome, there goes his last chance to talk behind someone’s back. The only one left for that was Mimzy, and he wasn’t even sure if she’d show up at Hazbin again after he kicked her out, or if she was afraid of him now that he’d be looking for new souls to make deals with and get back on his path to being the most powerful in Pentagram City.

Damn it! He had no allies left anywhere! Husk and Niffty barely counted. If only he hadn’t consumed the souls Husk had under his wing, or if Niffty had just climbed when her mind hadn’t been so clouded by his fault —

“Hey, Bambi, are you still with us?”

A snap or two brought him back to his horrific reality.

Lucifer was standing right in front of him, holding a first aid kit.

“Very well,” The King sat down beside him, “Now, before less blood flows to your brain and you start planning something stupid again, we need to treat your wound.”

As soon as Lucifer touched the buttons of his jacket, Alastor slapped him away.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Lucifer asked indignantly, placing his hands on his hips. “Bambi, I don’t know what trust issues you’ve had in your life or in this one, but if you don’t want to slowly rot away inside, I suggest you let me check your wound.”

Rotting? Was that what was happening to him? Well, he’d take that as a fair excuse when someone felt like coming to mock him. Damn you, Adam. Alastor swore that the next time he saw an exterminating angel, other than Vagatha or whatever she might be called in the future, he’d return the favor that stupid First Man had given him.

Alastor reluctantly agreed, but he made it clear he wasn’t happy about it as he started to unbutton his shirt. As he took off each button, his growls grew louder, mixed with the distorted static.

Lucifer’s eyes widened, and a strange mix of awe and worry crossed his face. “Alastor, have you been walking around with this wound since the battle?”

“D̸o̵e̸s̵ ̵i̶t̷ ̵l̷o̷o̵k̵ ̵t̵h̶a̸t̴ ̷b̷a̶d̸?̸” Alastor asked, half-jokingly. Considering that the moron Vox snapped the stitches that were holding the wound closed, letting the blood flow and stain his fur and shirt, well yes.

“Alastor,” Lucifer spoke, “This gash even has pus! Holy Grace was created to get rid of any impurity. You almost died from a heavenly weapon bestowed by Michael himself. Do you realize how serious that was for your body? Or do you want it in English, Spanish, French, and Russian so you understand the gravity of this? Why didn’t you let anyone know about this?! Charlie?! Niffty?! Even the Cannibal Lady had to help you out with this if you were under her command.”

Oh, so that bitch really had to do something.

Lucifer looked at his phone, hesitating. “No. Belle definitely won’t wake up.” Glancing sideways at Alastor, “You’re going to have to put up with this. I don’t want any bitching or whining, is that clear?”

Alastor raised an eyebrow, completely unsure and definitely disagreeing. But what other choice did he have if not to slowly bleed to death? He had no way out, so he just nodded and accepted it.

“Fine,” Lucifer whispered, pursing his lips, “If you behave well, you may get a treat in the end.”

“I’m not a c̸h̵i̵l̶d̵ who needs to be b̴r̷i̶b̶e̵d̵ with s̵w̸e̴e̵t̸s̷, Your Majesty.” Alastor responded rudely.

“No.” Lucifer opened the first aid kit, taking out a pack of sterile gauze, hydrogen peroxide, antiseptic, and medical scissors. “I’m going to have to bribe you with ambrosia.”

Alastor’s curiosity was piqued, and he wondered what the King meant.

Lucifer was careful as he tore off a piece of gauze, soaked it in antiseptic, and cleaned around the gash. Alastor hissed and jumped back.

“Sorry,” Lucifer apologized, “I hav— I haven’t done this in a long time, okay?” Lucifer went back to pressing the gauze against the swollen, stinging flesh.

Alastor looked down at the King’s blackened hands, golden vein-like lines running from his fingertips to disappear beyond his wrists and possibly run the length of his entire arm. “You healed yourself after your Fall.”

“Not at first. I had the Sins and Lilith to help me, but then I thought I was being a burden and decided to do it alone. Belle and Bee were worried, Ozzie and Moony whined, Levi was horrified, and Satan just bowed his head in resignation.”

“What about L̷͍̂i̸̜̾l̷̛̻i̴̙͛ẗ̷̳h̴̯̍?”

Lucifer gave him a ‘watch your tone’ stare, “She just told me I was being stupid like Adam.”

Alastor couldn’t help but cackle.

“I know, it was a low blow. Years later, she apologized. We were all hurt after the Fall — ”

“But not everyone ended up with ḇ̴̊r̷͍̀o̶̳͑k̶̹̂e̸̤͝n̴̳͒ ̶͍̚w̸̡̋i̴̝͊ṅ̶̬ğ̷̝s̷͓̑ ̵̪̊a̵̦͆ǹ̸̙d̷̥̔ ̵̼̌l̸̟̄î̷͓m̶̠̂b̶́͜s̶̼̍ ̷͓̐a̴̙̅ņ̷́d̷̙͊ ̵̭͘b̵̨̍e̴͙͋i̷̛͇n̶̰̽g̸̺̊ ̴̥́s̵̟̀e̴̡̋t̶̳̕ ̸͙͐o̵̹͛n̸̯̈́ ̴͖̏f̵͍̆ȋ̶̞r̴̩̓e̴͈̔.̶̯̽”

“Ah, you were listening to me.” Lucifer chuckled. “You know, I think Charlie was right.”

“A̵ ̴m̶i̴r̴a̵c̷l̷e̷.̵ Sorry.” Alastor immediately apologized when he felt his healer’s unamused stare. “What w̴͖͒̉e̸̢̨͊͘ŗ̸̤̇̆ë̷̟̤́̀͠ ̷̹̙̓̑̓y̴͓͍̭̆̔̽ō̴̡̘̻ů̴̖̪̌ saying?”

Lucifer shook his head, in mock disappointment, “Talking really helps. If I had talked to Charlie before the problems I was having with Heaven, or with her Mother. Or if you had talked long before this injury of yours. Well,” Lucifer shrugged, disappearing God knows where with the black blood-stained gauze and picking up the medical scissors. “Maybe all this could have been avoided, don’t you think?”

Not everything, Alastor thought sullenly.

“And, you’re right.” With extreme care, Lucifer started peeling away the dead tissue. “Charlie’s an adult; she doesn’t need me or Lilith to make her decisions. Ever since I knew she was growing inside me, I’ve wanted to protect her from everything horrible, I did bad with shelter her about Hell. Maybe that’s why Lilith thought I wasn’t being a good dad, and that’s why things ended up the way they did in our family.”

“Why the ş̸́ê̴̜n̵̪͛t̷̙̉i̸̳̽m̵̯̊e̷̛͖n̵̞̅ť̵̥a̵̝̽l̵̛̠i̴̯͗t̸̰̑y̷̻̽, Your Majesty? Which one of us has one foot in the g̵͓̈́r̷̺͒a̴̤͒v̸͎̐è̷̩?”

“Oh, fuck yourself, Bambi.” Lucifer snorted, though he wanted to appear annoyed.

Alastor knew that all traces of anger vanished as soon as he saw his wound. Perhaps dying appealed to something in Lucifer’s merciful mind. “No thanks, I s̸̤̥̒͝a̶̡͉̮̽̿͆w̷̫̍ ̷̨̣͌͝e̷̳͚͝n̴̲̼͙̎͗̊ȍ̵͇͒̉ú̸̖ǧ̴̡̻̓h̷̝̝̮͑̽̚ ̵̪͍̀͊͆a̸͍̰͗ť̵͔̂́ Tower V.”

“The Vee’s made the most of every moment with you in that cuck chair, didn’t they?”

Not the way he’d have liked to know that’s a fetish now. In their day, they were named ‘wearing the horns’ — Oh wait... “I can a̷s̶s̷u̶m̴e̵ ̸t̸h̶a̵t̴ ̶i̵n̴ ̸y̴o̴u̴r̶ marriage — ”

“Yes, yes, yes, assume whatever you want. Believe me, Lilith and I were involved in everything. My younger brother is the Sin of Lust, Bambi. And no,” Lucifer threatened him with the scissors, “Charlie can’t know that. Adult or not, no one wants to hear about their parents’ sex lives.”

Alastor would prefer not to know about anyone’s sex life, really. Only if there was information that was convenient, “Believe me, I’d rather b̶l̴e̸a̷c̷h̵ ̷m̶y̵ ̷e̶y̶e̵s̸ out and f̸o̷r̷g̸e̶t̷ ̵what I saw.”

“If it makes you feel better, you put up a good fight against the Vee’s all by yourself with this wound and infected, dead flesh. Maybe once you’re fully recovered and back in your terrifying, unbound form, you’ll want to settle the score.”

“Until then, I’ll have to s̵t̷a̸y̸ ̸s̸t̶u̷c̶k̷ ̶h̶e̶r̵e̸.̴” Alastor glanced at Lucifer’s bright, maximalist room. At least after his resignation, no one tore down his radio tower. “You didn’t break a s̶w̷e̸a̸t̶ ̶f̸i̵g̶h̶t̷i̸n̸g̵ ̶t̶h̷e̶ Overlords either.”

“Awww, thank you. If they couldn’t defeat me, they definitely couldn’t defeat the one who was waiting for them up there.” Lucifer put a big piece of gauze over the wound and started unwrapping the new, clean bandages. “You know, you can be a gentleman once in a while.”

“Hmm, and what are t̷w̸o̸ ̸g̶e̴n̶t̴l̴e̷m̷e̵n̷ ̵w̵i̸t̸h̶o̴u̶t̷ their respective ladies?”

“Ha, ha, ha, Alastor.” Lucifer snickered sarcastically, tightening the bandages a bit more as he tied them off. A satisfied smile spread across his face when he heard a pained groan from the Overlord. “But I do have a lady. I mean Charlie.” Lucifer responded immediately to his guest’s confused look. “And,” Standing up, “Since we’re talking about her, and since you behaved so well.”

Lucifer stood up, placing his hands palm to palm, with a focused look on his face. A faint glow appeared between his palms. Lucifer slowly split them up, and the glow looked like the sun, making Alastor squint and covering his eyes as much as he could with his hand. Then, a metallic clank echoed.

Lucifer proudly contemplated at the shiny new golden microphone stick, as tall as himself. “Your old staff was trashed, and now that you’re done with the Cannibal Lady, it’s pretty clear it’s just a waste of space.” Lucifer handed the microphone to Alastor.

Alastor looked at him, confused, as his eyes moved quickly back and forth between the staff in Lucifer’s hands and the King of Hell himself. Finally, he reached out to take it and admire it in more detail. It wasn’t just that it looked like it was made of gold — It really was gold-made. The head was shaped like a star — no, wait, it wasn’t a star, it was a sigil, Lucifer’s sigil.

Lucifer made Jazz hands. “Voilà! It turned out nicely, don’t you think? Something simple. I think it’ll go really well with your current humble status — Well, except for the fact that it’s gold — ”

Alastor kept admiring his new microphone, kind of eager and worried that someone might take it from him at any second. Whether it was his power or Lucifer’s that flowed through the new staff, it made his skin tingle and filled him with a sense of euphoria with every second that passed while he held it.

“Don’t be shy and delight us with a beautiful song.” Lucifer asked.

A song? He had a wide repertoire from his years on the air, and he played those tunes at night in Mimzy’s speakeasy.

At the instant the head shone golden bright and a two voices sang:

♫ Ev’ry morning, ev’ry evening

Ain’t we got fun?

Not much money, Oh, but honey

Ain’t we got fun?

The rent’s unpaid dear

We haven’t a bus

But smiles were made dear

For people like us ♫

“Gus and Joe? It’s been a while since I last heard them. I’m personally a fan of Peggy Lee’s version. Whenever the bar played your radio show, I couldn’t help but think, I’m sure there’s a Looney Tunes episode with this track.” Lucifer hummed along to the tune and tapped his foot, going along with the rhythm.

Alastor thought he’d start dancing like in those old movies Charlie forced them to watch so they wouldn’t forget what it meant to be human.

Noticing that a small button was hidden from view beneath the microphone, Alastor was tempted to press it.

Right away, a sharp blade flew out, the tip of the long blade sticking into one of the sofa cushions. And just like that, that microphone had become a scythe.

“Oh, yeah,” Lucifer said, as if he had forgotten something, “And it works like your own heavenly weapon, of course.”

“Majesty,” His voice sounded clearer and more stable. “Lucifer, it’s a nice gesture on your part to give me — ”

“Ah, ah, ah.” Lucifer swayed his index finger, “This is a guarantee.”

“Guarantee?”

Lucifer nodded, crossed his arms, and sat down again beside him. Then Alastor pressed the button again and the blade retracted, leaving the star-shaped microphone head in place.

“I know my daughter, Alastor. She’s always looking for the good in everyone, even though it’s not always easy to see. She puts a lot of effort into making this Hotel a success. She’s totally different from me when I fell here, and I don’t want anyone to change that. There’s no chance for me, but Charlie’s a different story. We don’t see eye-to-eye on this, but,” If anything were to happen to me, “Vaggie will be her wings, but I need you to be her shadow. The Hotel’s watchdog.”

“If something were to happen to you,” Alastor wondered, “Would this microphone still work? Would it still respond to my power?”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you got out of this?” The blond man snorted, “Yes.”

“Then,” Alastor slowly lifted the mic to Lucifer’s chin. “I could press this button and have the blade impale you, couldn’t I?”

Instead of getting angry or freaking out, Lucifer just laughed. “You still need me alive to put you back together.”

What did he mean by that? Alastor took his staff back and put it down next to him, not really wanting to let go of it.

“And here is your golden ambrosia.”

Just by waving his hand, a knife from under Lucifer’s mattress flew out, bathed in a golden glow, and landed in the King’s lap.

“I heard that Charlie promised the Exterminators’ flesh and blood to the Cannibals. I know you weren’t at the feast. Were you even invited to the banquet?”

“Rosie promised to save something for me.” Those little meat pies barely satisfied his never-ending hunger. Rosie liked to tease him by saying that the delicious taste of angelic meat was like an explosion of flavors. Even Susan was less grumpy and critical after she finished eating.

“Today, you’re in for a treat: Something way better than the common angel flesh.” Lucifer took the dagger, smiling when he saw the expression on Alastor’s face and understood what he was about to do. The blade cut a thin line across his exposed forearm, and little by little, the black skin became covered with more golden lines. “An Archangel’s ichor has healing properties, ironically not for us. Whatever my Father thought when he created us, he didn’t think it through — ”

But Alastor wasn’t listening to him anymore. He was staring at the golden drops running lines on Lucifer’s arms, his mouth open like a fish trying to breathe, and to add insult to his wounded pride, his stomach growled.

“Damn, the Vee’s didn’t even bother to feed you.” Lucifer thought about it, but then Alastor grabbed him and pulled him onto his lap. One of the Overlord’s arms was around his waist, and the other had stretched Lucifer’s arm up to Alastor’s face.

Alastor got a whiff of blood. Apples, oh, the irony! He thought about whether Lucifer’s ichor would be like drinking sweet, citrusy cider or a refreshing, sour appletini. Alastor didn’t want to waste any more time on fantasies or hypothetical questions, so he sank his fangs into the Devil’s flesh.

Lucifer hissed.

When Alastor took a sip, his world shook. This can’t be happening; he must be dreaming, or maybe he finally died in that battle. How could the blood of an Archangel be so appetizing? It was a real treat for his taste buds. Oh, Alastor feared that no other food, or flesh, could ever please his palate again.

“You were always very picky about food, sha.”

Maman?

Oh shit, he was in Heaven, wasn’t he? Something went down in the fight with the Vee’s and Rosie, and he ended up dead and went to Nirvana. He really didn’t want that stupid whimpy snake around — and he definitely didn’t want his Maman to see him, especially not after he’d made so many mistakes that a simple sacrifice wouldn’t redeem him from everything —

A few gentle strokes over his hair brought him back to reality, awakening him from his reverie.

Why was everything so golden? Wasn’t Heaven supposed to be blue or white or whatever other pastel color a church commissioned?

No, he wasn’t in Heaven; he was in Lucifer’s room. The devil’s creepy, duck-themed, bright, soothing room. And the Devil himself was playing with the tips of his ears, rubbing his antlers, and running his fingers through his reddish strands.

“Easy there, Alastor.” Lucifer whispered, trying to settle himself more comfortably in the Overlord’s lap, resting his head on Alastor’s shoulder and lowering his free hand to his own lap, ignoring Alastor’s whimper, watching as the deer-like Sinner’s Adam’s apple bobbed with each sip of ichor he fed on. “For today, fill your heart until it is content. Tomorrow, you won’t be able to drink as much as you’d like from me.”

He’d heal Adam’s wounds and gradually take over his grace.

Lucifer didn’t know if Alastor was still paying attention to him, if he still had any lucidity left, until they looked at each other. His lips turned into an O as he watched the green of the Overlord’s eyes fade until they turned red.

Alastor was on the mend. He’d probably terrorize the naive Sinners again, confront the other Overlords, and maybe even start a new hunt for his peers. Ready to regain his status.

Alastor finally let go of Lucifer’s arm, but his own arm was still clutched tightly, breathing heavily and even trembling.

“I told you easy, didn’t I?” Lucifer carefully pulled himself off Alastor’s lap and helped him lie down on the sofa. Using his magic, Lucifer levitated a huge, soft pillow and placed it under the deer’s head, taking care not to hit his ears or antlers.

Lucifer couldn’t help but beam when he saw Alastor’s chest rising and falling gently, almost like he was drifting off to sleep. Maybe during his days as a prisoner of the Vee’s, he had been unable to fall asleep.

Maybe that’s why he still hadn’t let go of his arm.

Maybe, even though Alastor would rest in the Tower V, if all he had were nightmares — of his mortal and non-mortal life — Lucifer could understand that he didn’t want to be alone.

Lucifer used his magic to make his sofa wider, so he could lie down next to Alastor. He was careful not to disturb the deer, and he began to slide his arm down until it was his hand that Alastor was squeezing.

Lucifer curled up a little closer to him, releasing his wings to cover them both. A quick nap until Alastor’s ichor-induced drowsiness wore off.

“Hey, Alastor,” Lucifer yawned, “You never told me which Lwa you tried to summon.”

A nap where he was sure Alastor would wake up confused and run back to the Radio Tower. But until he got his act together, Lucifer would give him some peace.

Lucifer closed his eyes, squeezing Alastor’s hand. “Wouldn’t it have been funny if it had been me you tried to summon?” Too tired from such a hectic day to feel Alastor’s thumb caressing his knuckles.

A quick nap that soon turned into a deep sleep, where they both ended up sleeping past noon and would have to face once again the Hell they had both created.

Notes:

Okay, I had to end this chapter like that because I realized it was bordering on smut—and I'm not ready to write about these two dancing the devil's tango yet.

Believe me there was going to be Alastor giving us a poem: Alastor or the Spirit of the Solitude, maybe next time...

What about Alastor's new microphone/weapon? I want to go with dagger for this the real or well myth Alastor. But an scythe looks cool too, right? And I know without his mic Alastor can still speak well - but what if not?

Also, of course French is not derived of Enochian, but how one can tell what happen at Babel anyway, right?

This may have a continuation, who knows, whatever happens after Episode 5 let's wait for it.

References for Alastor's mic:
✦ 1
✦ 2

Songs:
𝄞 Ain't We Got Fun? by Van and Schenck

Translations: (If there's a mistake you can tell me, my french has gone rusty)
☘︎ Ces salauds vont payer pour ça. Je vais leur prendre leur âme à tous, sans exception. --- Those bastards will pay for this. I’ll have each and every one of their souls.
☘︎ Si ça saigne, tant mieux. --- If it bleeds, all the better.
☘︎ Bambi, j’espère que tu ne parles pas de moi. --- Bambi, you better not be talking about me.
☘︎ Parlez-vous français ? --- Do you speak French?

Thank you very much for reading this. Leave a kudo, a comment, bookmark it or give me ❤️