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The door swings open to an unimpressed Maddie, looking particularly cosy in her knit sweater and plaid pajama pants. Her eyebrow raises as she takes in the sight of her little brother standing on her doorstep at 9 o’clock in the evening.
Buck - equally as cosy in an old tee and some sweats - just holds up a tupperware stocked full of baked goods as a peace offering.
Maddie sighs as stands to the side to let him in, beckoning him forwards with a reluctant wave, “Let me guess. Oh wait, you want to sleep on my couch again.”
“Bingo,” Buck winces, before looking at his sister dejectedly, “I can't sleep in that house, Maddie.”
“It's your house too, Buck,” retorts Maddie, leading him over to the couch. Buck slumps down on the soft fabric, and runs his hands over the throw blanket as he avoids her all-knowing gaze. “I love you, little brother, but you need to find somewhere better to sleep, my couch is not good for a decent night's rest.”
“Well, it’s not like I sleep the best at Eddie’s anyway.”
“And why is that?”
Buck sighs, “I don’t...know Maddie, it’s like.. I feel bad.. like I'm just taking up space. I mean I sleep in his living room. There’s no space for me there.”
“Evan, I’m sure you’re not ‘taking up space’, listen, have you spoken to Eddie about how you're feeling?” she asks, “I mean, do you two actually communicate about how you feel?”
“Usually we just know.. I can’t explain it, Maddie, we just get each other.”
“And that's scaring you?”
“What? No. I'm not scared of Eddie. Eddie is my best friend.”
“We’re still going with that?”
“Maddie, please..”
”Fine, but that conversation is not over. I’ll get the spare duvet from the hall closet, make yourself comfy.” She pats his knee, and stands up, stretching her arms above her head as she yawns.
She’s almost out of the room before he stops her in her tracks with a gentle, ”Maddie..”
Maddie stops abruptly, turning to face Buck with a soft, inquisitive smile, ”Yes?”
”Thank you.”
”Of course, Evan. I love you, you know that?”
He smiles and nods.
She smiles back at him and walks the few steps back towards him, whispering a little, “Good”, and kissing his birthmark before making her way out into the hallway.
Buck watches her go with a feeling of warmth in his stomach, grateful to have such a wonderful sister.
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His Jeep pulls to a stop outside of Eddie’s house, the radio fading into silence as he puts the car in neutral and just.. sits there. He exhales, drags his palms over his brows and down over his mouth before face planting into the steering wheel. He sits with the leather cushioning his forehead, time stretches onwards slowly, the warmth of the morning sun whispering across the nape of his neck.
A knock on the window makes Buck startle, and he jolts up to find Eddie standing there, confused frown etched into his face. When Eddie catches him staring, he simply raises an eyebrow, before pointing at the window. Buck acquiesces, and watches as the glass rolls down slowly.
Eddie cocks an eyebrow, “So, what’s going on, bud?”
At that exact moment, any word that Buck has learnt in his 34 years of living seemingly disappears from his vocabulary.
“Am I that scary that you didn't wanna come in?” Eddie questions, jokingly.
“I’m not scared of you, Eddie" retorts Buck, far too serious a response to Eddie’s jesting tone.
Buck regrets snapping immediately when Eddie just looks at him with that concerned-parent expression he’s had mastered for as long as they've known each other.
“Well, I’d hope not. I was kidding. Yeah?” chuckles Eddie, rubbing at the nape of his neck.
“I know, I know. It’s just…” Buck trails off, unsure how to go about talking about this.
“Just..?” prompted Eddie, molten brown eyes still glistening with confusion.
“I don’t know, it's hard to explain.”
“Well, why don't you have a think as we go inside?” suggests Eddie, swinging his arms to point at the house. And if it were any other point in time, Buck would laugh at his antics, but even Eddie being Eddie doesn’t seem to make the situation any more bearable. If anything it makes Buck feel worse, as Eddie definitely won’t be happy with him later on.
Buck huffs out a breath as he clicks the button to roll the window up and gets out of the car, and Eddie - helpful as ever - grabs his duffel bag from the backseat and shoulders it. Buck locks the car, and trails behind Eddie like a duckling as they both go inside together.
Almost immediately, Buck is overwhelmed by how at home he feels in the Diaz house. How it feels like this is exactly the right place for him, but it shouldn't be - this isn’t his house, him and Eddie aren't like that, and Chris isn't exactly his son. No matter how much he wants it.
He feels Eddie’s presence brush past him and into the kitchen, but Buck only has eyes for the room he’s stood in.
Buck spots a myriad of his own possessions scattered around the place: the fluffy blanket thrown over the back of the couch, his cowboy-hat-wearing duck cushion, not to mention all the knicknacks and mementos on the side table. His car keys fit perfectly into the bowl by the front door, and even from where he’s standing Buck can see the numerous photos that he’s framed in dotted around every flat surface.
All blatant evidence of him being there. Of him belonging. But it’s not just about what he wants. Does he deserve any of this? Buck has always longed for a place where he fits in, where he’s needed and wanted. And with the Diaz's he has finally found that place. He longs for it, but does he deserve it? Is he enough for them?
Contrary to what everyone thinks, Buck knows. Evan “Buck” Buckley knows that he is in love with Eddie Diaz. 100% head over heels. Since they met during that first fateful shift — maybe not when they were in the engine bay, echoes of Whatta Man dancing through his mind — but later when their hands brushed in the ambulance, there was something about Eddie that Buck would never get over. All the years in between have proved that there will always be a Buck-and-Eddie. Eddie and Buck. Best friends. And Buck is fine being just that - the best friend.
Except he has always been a greedy creature. He wants and he wants so badly, for this to be his. He aches for it. To come home to Chris and Eddie every night. To watch Chris grow up even more than he has already, to be there for every birthday party and every christmas. And to be by Eddie's side forevermore. To grow old and weary together. Even when they're in the retirement home and Buck has forgotten his own name, he will never forget just how much he loves Eddie Diaz. The extent of his desire is almost dazzling.
Buck is broken out of his reverie by Eddie, who ambles back into the living area holding a cup of water and a pot of sliced apple. And if that doesn’t make his heart melt. Buck has ranted countless times to anyone who will listen about how he hates eating apples - the juice always making his face and hands uncomfortably sticky, unless they’re cut into individual slices.
“What are you just standing there for? You can sit down, bud.” Eddie nods his head at the couch, before walking over and plopping himself down.
Buck follows, mumbling a quiet “sorry, sorry”, and collapses on the couch, making sure to keep a safe distance between Eddie and himself.
Eddie places the pot of sliced apple on the coffee table, but shoves - albeit carefully - the water into Buck’s hand, watching as he takes a sip before leaning forwards to place the cup down.
“Look, what is up with you lately? I- I’m worried, Buck.” probes Eddie, gently.
“You don’t need to worry about me, Eddie.” argues Buck quietly, a faint tremor tainting his voice.
“I always worry about you. Even Chris asked where you had disappeared to.”
Buck’s face just crumples, and his lip starts to wobble as he blurts, “Eddie, I can't, I'm sorry. I just can't keep doing this.”
“Doing what, Buck? What is ‘this’?” And when Buck looks over at him he seems so confused. But, Buck is already in over his head, he might as well get it all out now.
“This whole bit where we act like an actual family, like we’re partners, not just that but actual partners partners and— and not even mentioning Chris—“
“A bit? You think I'm acting? You think I— what, gave you my son for the fun of it? You think I don’t love having you here? If you’re not happy here Buck, then that’s fine, say it. But if you like being here then you’re allowed to enjoy it.”
“Eddie. You don’t get it.” His eyes are glassy with tears and his voice shakes as he speaks. He opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. Buck closes his eyes and sucks in a sharp breath, shaking his head softly. Looking back up at Eddie, he sighs as a tear finally rolls down his face, “I’m in love with you.”
And Eddie’s face just drops. “Oh, Buck.” And the way he speaks makes Buck shiver all over, the emotion in his voice almost too much to handle.
“Don’t,” Buck shudders out, voice cracking as he speaks, “Don’t do that. Don’t pity me, Eddie.”
“Pity? Buck, why would I pity you?” spits out Eddie, as if the sheer idea of it revolts him.
“Just— just because you’re my best friend doesn't mean that you can’t be upset or— You're allowed to be uncomfortable, Eddie. I mean I’m basically a fucking stereotype, your classic bisexual guy in love with his straight best friend! C’mon, it’s almost laughable.”
Eddie scoffs, “I’m not uncomfortable, Buck.”
”Don’t lie to me, Eddie. Not now.” Buck snaps back, arms folded tightly.
”I’m not lying. You keep telling me what I’m thinking but you’re wrong.”
Buck turns away in his seat, leans against the arm of the couch and rests his chin on his palm. His eyes catch on the mantelpiece and the countless photos stood in their frames; tiny snapshots of joy and contentment.
“Buck.”
Buck closes his eyes, biting down on his lip to stifle any noise.
”Buck, please. Can you just look at me for a second, bud.” The couch groans slightly as Eddie shuffles closer and closer until a warm hand rests on his thigh. Buck hadn’t even realised it had been shaking up and down.
Buck sighs, sniffling as he turns to look at Eddie. He probably looks awful, eyes still leaking tears and cheeks bright red. Yet Eddie is looking at him as if he were as beautiful as one of the stars in the night sky.
”You are, Buck. Can’t you see you’re so beautiful? My star. Mi estrella.”
And shit, he must've said that last bit out loud. What an idiot. Wait–
“Eddie? What? I’m— what does that even—“
”Buck. I like you. Romantically.” clarifies Eddie, face dead serious except for the tiniest curve of a smile.
”But you’re—“
”Gay? Head over heels for you? Very homosexual?”
Buck just gapes at him. Eddie laughs and it’s one of the sweetest sounds Buck has ever heard.
“You like me?” affirms Buck, cheeks tinged scarlet as he ducks his head slightly.
Eddie grins, canine tooth peeking over his lip, and nods as he speaks, “And I’m pretty sure everyone we know can tell.”
“Can tell that we’re both, as you put it oh so maturely, ‘very homosexual’?”
”Well, I’m the gay one, bud. Stop trying to steal my light here.” smirks Eddie.
And Buck can’t help it when he blurts out a simple, ”Gay Eddie?”
Eddie nods, trying — and failing miserably — to conceal a smile. The corners of his eyes are crinkled and there’s a contagious sort of glee on his face. Privately, Buck counts himself very lucky he gets to see Eddie like this.
“Stop— don’t laugh at me. Don’t even say you weren’t, look at you giggling away. Stop-“ Buck pouts, but even he can’t contain his own laughter as it bubbles out of his mouth. He tilts sideways, leaning against Eddie’s shoulder as they both giggle in each other’s warmth. Eventually, their laughter fades, but the air of contentment in the room is still apparent.
Eddie turns to look him in the eyes, and Buck watches as his eyes drift to his own lips, then back up to his blue eyes. Buck swallows deeply, tongue darting out to wet his lips before a barely audible, desperate, “please”, tumbles out.
Barely a second passes until Eddie’s warm hands are clasped across Buck’s cheeks, and a pair of warm lips are on his.
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They’re both sitting contently on the couch together, wrapped in each other’s body heat when Buck tenses, “Wait…you know what this means?”
Eddie just looks at him confusedly.
“Tommy was right.” complains Buck, his brows furrowing at the thought of his ex-boyfriend.
“Tommy? As in your freak ex Tommy?” questions Eddie, a tinge of disgust in his voice.
“Freak ex? Nevermind- Anyway, he scoffed when I tried to explain that I wasn't in love with you because you're straight.”
“He scoffed at you?” and Eddie looks one second away from getting up to go and fight the man.
Buck places a hand on his arm to help quell his annoyance, “Less at me. More at the idea of you being straight.”
“Wow,” tuts Eddie, “Can’t believe that jackass was right about something.”
“Jackass? Okay, Eddie, he wasn’t that bad.”
“He was,” Eddie grumbles, “He treated you like you were stupid, I don’t like him.”
“Okay, man. Whatever you say” he smiles, heart warming at Eddie defending him.
“I’m serious, sweetheart.”
“Sweetheart?” and Buck blushes bright crimson.
“Oh yeah? You like that one?”
“Fuck off, that’s it. I’m leaving.” he huffs jokingly, and gets up off the couch as if to leave. He doesn't make it very far before Eddie catches up to him, curling his strong arms around his waist and resting his chin on Buck's shoulder. They stand together for a moment, swaying slightly, before Buck turns around in Eddie's embrace and hugs him tightly. Eddie’s warm hand passes up and down his back gently.
Buck breaks the sweet moment, and almost feels bad except for the fact that — “I’m kinda hungry now.”
Eddie pulls back to look him in the eyes, hands clasped around his elbows, “I brought you apple slices.”
“I saw, and that was really, really sweet of you. But I kinda, uh, forgot to eat them though. Sorry baby.” Buck explains, sheepish expression painted on his face.
“Eh, it’s fine, you can cook us breakfast to make up for it.” grinned Eddie, patting him on the chest.
“Oh yeah?” retorts Buck, face suddenly rather smug.
“Yeah,” replies Eddie, not even bothering to try and look embarrassed.
“Using me for my cooking now are we?”
“You've only just figured that out, Buckley?”
“I’ll have you know I had a hunch. I mean, it meant I was good for something around here,” Buck joked.
“Hey, look at me. You don't need to do anything to earn your place here. You belong here, Buck, with me and Chris. I wouldn’t care if you never cooked ever again, or never did the dishes, or— or whatever—“
“Well..” and Buck sees it when Eddie changes his mind.
“Well maybe I would a little bit. But..” Eddie drawls, head listing to the side dramatically.
“But…” echoes Buck, brows raised in anticipation.
“I want you here, by my side. Always. Forever. And any other synonym you can think of for that,” muses Eddie, pointing a finger into Buck’s chest.
“Okay Mr. Smarty Pants, I get it.” Buck says, grabbing onto Eddie’s wrist so he can join their hands together.
“Do you?”
“Yes.” he says, grinning wildly.
“Good. ‘Cause, I choose you, Evan Buckley. You’re it for me.”
“You choose me?” affirms Buck, mouth curving into a smile, as his eyes glimmer slightly.
“Yeah.”
“That's really sweet of you, genuinely might be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I’m talking really romantic and I'm possibly about to cry but it does kinda sound like I'm a Pokemon.”
“A what? A Pokemon, really? I just confessed my undying love for you and you compare me to a Pokemon? You sound like Chris.”
“Well, hang on, I’d be the Pokemon in this equation.” interjects Buck, lips downturned in a fake pout.
Apparently, Eddie is not having that, at all. “Why do you get to be the Pokemon?”
“You said you choose me, so that makes me the Pokemon.”
“If you say so, bud. Anyway.” says Eddie, waving him off.
“Wait, hold on—“
Eddie huffs fondly, “Enough with the Pokem-“
“You love me?”
He laughs slightly, “I mean, c’mon Buck, I thought it was kinda obvious, y’know.”
“Well yeah, but you—“
“Yeah, bud. I love you.” nods Eddie, as his hand finds its place in the juncture of his shoulder.
“You know I love you too, right? That I have for a long time?” asserts Buck, blue eyes wide and sparkling.
“Oh really, and how long is a long time?”
“Always.” says Buck, and a shy little smile dances across his face.
Eddie smiles.
Buck pokes a teasing finger into Eddie’s side, who jolts away at the motion, “So, breakfast?”
Eddie pretends to ponder for a moment before seemingly deciding on, “Pancakes?”
“I can do pancakes. You gonna help me?” questions Buck, already knowing the answer.
“We’ll see.”
“Okay,” Buck scoffs, mouth upturned with a smirk as he nods sarcastically. Eddie always says he’ll leave everything to Buck, but inevitably ends up helping some way or another.
They separate slowly, and move through the dining room, into the kitchen and the morning sun shining in through the windows casts a warm glow over them.
“Do you wanna get out the toppings you want so they’re ready?” asks Buck, as he pulls a large bowl out of one the top cupboards.
“I can do that, I suppose.” Eddie drawls. And Buck turns around to find Eddie leant against the counter just watching him.
“What about some drinks for us, maybe? If I'm making food for us.”
Eddie nods as he grabs some glasses out the cupboard, and moves towards the fridge, “You want your pineapple juice?”
Buck has gathered all the ingredients from the pantry, and set them out on the countertop, he looks over his shoulder to add, “I’ll just have what you’re having if that’s easier.”
“So, juice?”
At that, Buck tilts his head, brows furrowed slightly, “You not having water?”
Eddie simply smiles at the floor and shrugs before admitting, “I feel like it’s a juice kind of day.”
“Juice it is then.” answers Buck, fighting the grin on his face.
And with that, Buck sets out making the pancakes, cracking the eggs carefully and mixing the batter. He was using his favourite whisk - if people could even have a favourite whisk - it was a gift he had bought Eddie on a whim because it looked like a carrot. He smiles when Eddie wraps his arms around him and watches over his shoulder.
“Just say you’re obsessed with me, Diaz.”
And Buck feels when Eddie smiles into his shoulder, pointy canine teeth catching lightly. ”Well, funny story actually, I have this strange idea that the feeling is very mutual.”
And it is. It definitely is.
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