Work Text:
Occtis made a habit of documenting every fact about his new body since his undeath.
He’d been noticing more and more things about himself; like the vanished need to breathe and the missing pulse. Every time he searched for it and found no response the hollow space in his chest ached a little more.
Even though sleep was now a foreign concept to him, on some nights – most nights, really – the memories would return. The tight roped cord around his neck. Ice cold hands roaming his body. A knife lodged between his ribs. He’d try to find his pulse, his heart. He never found it.
His veins were pale and veiled by his skin. It was increasingly difficult to find them. He swallowed the urge to scratch and dig them up, to see what his blood looked like… his innards.
He imagined black ichor, his organs coated in a sickly green glow. He thought of the necromantic magic conserving them, of the stitches holding them in place. He wondered if he would feel it if someone were to dig around inside him.
Occtis traced lines along his arms where he thought his veins might hide and tried to remember their paths.
He also tried to ignore the tremor of his body. Without blood rushing through it he might as well be stuck in a constant snow storm.
His heart took all the warmth with it.
He craved it; more than he probably should. He was afraid to ask for it too. He didn’t want to bother Thaisha with this, having asked so much of her in the past. Vaelus would surely send him away and Julien might skewer him, if he even thought about asking him for a kind and gentle touch.
Occtis traced another line along his neck and thought of Kattigan. For a moment he thought he felt a blush creep on.
He ran his hands over his chest, over the scars. The one left by his brother healed all jagged and rough. The ones he gave himself – the ones he stitched when he had enough of the growing flesh on his chest – healed nicely in contrast. The scarred cross on his torso was a searing reminder of what he lost.
A sharp ping at his window made Occtis jump.
He’d returned to the Penteveral a few days ago; thought that a sense of normalcy might help him settle in his new reality. The looming thesis deadline didn’t help, but at least it gave him an excuse to study his body and use it for a research paper.
His room was a dimly lit study with a poor excuse for a desk and an even poorer excuse for a bed up on the second floor. It wasn’t the nicest accommodation but it fulfilled its purpose. It was late at night and aside from his flickering desk lamp there was only the moon shining in through his window where another ping demanded Occtis’ attention.
He thought of who it could be. Definitely not Julien. Vaelus was very unlikely. Thaisha knew her way inside and Murray would just kick his door in if she wanted his attention.
Occtis slowly crept towards his window and flinched back at the next ping. A pebble bounced from the glass onto the windowsill and Occtis frowned at it for a moment before sliding his window open.
“There you are!” Kattigan smiled brightly. He stood by the roots of a tree growing along the dorm’s walls. Wulfric was nowhere to be seen. “Thought you might’ve gone to sleep with your light still on.”
“Sht!” Occtis hissed. “What if someone hears you?”
Kattigan raised a hand behind his ear and earned an oh so familiar and annoyed sigh he’d grown to miss.
For a moment Occtis stared down at him and scanned his features. The strong jaw and nose. The beard that he was apparently slowly growing out. The claw marks over his eyes and the long hair flowing over his broad shoulders. He didn’t seem all too changed; Kattigan looked just like he did in Occtis’ memories. In his vanished dreams.
“What are you doing here?” Occtis tried his best not to be too loud. If Murray heard him… he could already feel her stare burning into his missing soul and the lecture she probably rehearsed for any student up past waking hours.
Kattigan put his hands to his hips. “Are you not going to invite me up?”
“You shouldn’t be here,” Occtis said and took half a step back.
“Wait, what—” Kattigan reached up, as if he could touch Occtis if he tried hard enough. “Come on, Sly. We came back, because the others wanted to see Azune for some information and I… I wanted to see you.”
The admission made Occtis shiver.
“Thaisha said you were hiding away at your magic school, so I came by. I didn’t expect to be sent away so soon.”
Occtis sighed heavily. The stitches on his chest pulled at his skin. He leaned out the window to check for anyone who might be able to see them. The lights in the other rooms were snuffed out and it didn’t seem like anyone was outside or Kattigan would’ve probably noticed them.
A sliver of hesitation made Occtis pause. When they last saw each other, Occtis still had his heart. He was still alive. He wasn’t anymore, not really. Not in the way Kattigan knew him to be. And Occtis was still coming to terms with his own death, how could he explain to Kattigan all that happened, when he didn’t even fully understand it himself?
On the other hand… Kattigan was warm.
Despite himself, Occtis motioned for Kattigan to get up and watched him climb the tree. He made his way up to a thicker branch, walked along it and jumped. In a swift move Kattigan grabbed the windowsill, pulled himself up and swung his body inside.
Occtis would be impressed if he wasn’t so worried about Kattigan noticing something was off. Noticing Occtis was off.
Kattigan stood by the window for a moment. Slowly, with purpose, he scanned Occtis from top to bottom and back up. For some reason it felt intimate. Exposing.
“You look tired, love,” Kattigan said with a sincerity that made Occtis ache.
Dead, he thought then. He looked dead, because he was.
Occtis shrugged. “Just my natural complexion I suppose.”
He averted his gaze. Kattigan noticed. He scanned the room too and all the scattered documents on the most disorganized desk he’s ever seen.
“Were you working on something?” He asked in an attempt to get Occtis talking. He hoped to tease Occtis out of his shell again.
He missed him; more than he wanted to admit, but he’d thought about this for days now. Never would he have imagined Occtis to be so distant. Never would he have imagined him to behave like a stranger again. It wasn’t odd to see him stand with less confidence than he should have, but this was different. Occtis held himself, averted his eyes, stepped back the further Kattigan approached him and it hurt.
Kattigan walked up to the desk – Occtis stepped around, closer to his bed on the other side of the room – and lifted a discarded quill still wet with ink. He twirled it between his fingers.
“Late night study session?”
Occtis raised his shoulders at the sight of his smile, sharp canine teeth exposed. “Something like that,” he mumbled more so to himself.
Kattigan scanned the desk again, brushed his hands over the rough papers, and looked for something, anything, to mention. A rough draft of what seemed to be a handwritten essay stacked underneath a discarded mug of tea caught his attention.
“A study on postmortem anatomy,” he read aloud. “You experimentin’ on Pin again?”
Occtis shook his head. “Not exactly…”
He hesitated. He wanted to tell him, needed to tell him, before it was too late.
But how could he? ‘Hey, I actually died while you were away… surprise!’ didn’t quite feel right. ‘I’m dead’ was too vague, especially considering he was standing right in front of him. He wouldn’t believe him.
Kattigan sighed then, heavy and long. He approached Occtis, who, with his bedframe now hitting the back of his knees, couldn’t escape. “Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong or do I have to make you?”
Occtis stayed silent.
“Hm,” Kattigan hummed with a tilt of his head. He reached for Occtis’ chin and tipped it up. He was cold. “That usually would’ve gotten a blush from you. Don’t tell me you’ve become resistant to flirtin’, while I was away.”
If Occtis could blush, he would. He felt the phantom of his heart race. He pushed Kattigan’s hand down, thankful for his gloves to help against the cold. He couldn’t imagine how he would react if he were to shiver and flinch away from his touch.
“Kattigan, I’m…” He searched for the right word. “Different.”
Kattigan frowned. Then, he leaned forward, close enough that his nose almost brushed the small spot where Occtis’ neck was exposed.
“What are you—”
“Smells no different to me,” Kattigan interrupted with a stark inhale. “Smells like you.”
Occtis curved his back to lean away, to finally look Kattigan in his eyes.
“Kattigan,” he sighed and it was like liquid honey.
“Still feels like you, too.” Kattigan pinched him, right where his ribs met the soft flesh of his waist and Occtis jumped. “All flesh and bones.”
He scowled. “I’m trying to tell you something, Kattigan.” His hands on his hips, gently holding him in place, and his face so close to his own didn’t help Occtis concentrate. The touch burned.
It wasn’t unpleasant; quite the opposite. He’d forgotten how warm Kattigan was. How much he craved his touch, how much he coveted it.
He squeezed Kattigan’s hand and raised it to his chest. To the spot where his heart should be. Where his heart should beat. Where it didn’t and where the heat of Kattigan’s palm seared into his skin.
“Oh,” he breathed. “That’s…”
“Different?”
“New,” Kattigan corrected.
“While you were away… I changed,” Occtis started. He expected Kattigan to ask questions, but he didn’t. Instead, he waited patiently for him to continue. “The night you rode off, my family found me. House Davinos and Royce…”
“I heard. Already gave my condolences,” Kattigan said and shook his head. “Can’t imagine what it must be like to lose your whole house in one night.”
“Did you also hear who did it?”
A pause. Kattigan brushed his hand up Occtis’ chest and palmed his shoulder. “I did. But that doesn’t mean—”
“That’s not all they did.” Occtis held Kattigan’s gaze. He didn’t blink. He didn’t falter. “That night… my brother and his ghouls managed to kill me.”
Kattigan’s expression turned sour. Worried. His brows turned up and his jaw clenched. He held Occtis a little tighter.
“The only reason I’m here now is because I stitched myself back together. I can’t really explain where I went or what I did to get back, but I did it and this,” he looked down on himself, a hand to his chest, “is the result.”
Another pause. Kattigan’s eyes flitted all over the face in front of him, taking in every little detail. “You died,” he hushed.
Occtis nodded. “I died.”
He flinched when Kattigan raised his hands and cupped his face. “But you’re still here.”
Occtis nodded again. “Still here, and not going anywhere.”
Kattigan glanced down, gaze stuck to the pronounced cupid’s bow adorning his face. He also noticed the way Occtis bit the inside of his cheek.
“There’s something else,” he noted.
Occtis hated how easy he was to read.
“Everything feels… empty, somehow. It all feels like nothing at all, just… hollow.” He leaned into Kattigan’s palms and savored their warmth. “I’m hollow.”
“What, you can’t feel this?” Kattigan rubbed his thumbs along his cheeks, felt the bones underneath and traced them carefully. They were so much more pronounced now.
“It’s… different, I don’t know how to explain it.”
“How about this then?”
Kattigan reached down to run his hands over the waistband of Occtis’ pants. He lightly tugged his shirt up and slid his fingers underneath. Occtis’ skin was pale and ice cold, but he shivered just like Kattigan remembered.
When Occtis didn’t protest and instead leaned into Kattigan’s chest, he went further. He snuck his hands fully underneath the thin fabric and palmed Occtis’ waist, fingers slowly tapping up to his ribs.
Occtis twisted and whispered a faint, “Tickles.”
Kattigan laughed. “Does it now?”
Occtis writhed again, a wobbly smile forming on his lips.
Kattigan ran his hands up his spine and leaned close. Occtis gasped at the new sensation, surprised he could even feel anything there.
“Damn, you are freezing, Sly, we better warm you up.” Kattigan held him tighter and rubbed his back with a featherlight touch. It was enough to make Occtis shiver and twist some more.
“Kattigan!” A single giggle slipped through at him spidering his fingers all over his spine.
Occtis had never been touched like this. His family was never really affectionate and even him and Thaisha never got close enough to do something as silly and childish like this, but with Kattigan it felt safe.
He turned to putty in his hands.
Kattigan lifted him just enough to turn them and fall onto the bed, its posts creaking upon impact. Another giggle and Occtis sat up with it, pressing himself up with his hands to Kattigan’s chest.
“Now this is a sight I could get used to.” Kattigan smiled all crooked and hungry, hands dropping to rub the thighs straddling his hips.
Occtis scoffed. “Weirdo.”
“You sure you wanna insult me right now?” He squeezed. “I have the upper hand in this fight.”
Occtis straightened his back. “Don’t even start.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“You can try to talk your way into this all you want, it’s not going to work.”
“Isn’t it? You’re warming up, Sly.”
He was right. It wasn’t much but Occtis felt warmer than before. Fuzzy, almost.
“That’s because of you,” Occtis explained, a hand to the spot where Kattigan’s heart beat strong and fast. “‘Cause of this.”
“I can make you feel warmer.” Kattigan sat up, hands returning to Occtis’ waist, and held him close to his chest. “If you want me to.”
Occtis was a little more thankful for his missing heart if only so his face wouldn’t catch on fire.
“I don’t know if…” He sighed. “I have no idea how this body works.”
“Let’s call it a research study then,” Kattigan offered. He snapped the top button of Occtis’ shirt open and leaned close to nip at the newly exposed skin. “I can help you explore.” It was a faint whisper, his voice echoing in the hollow space of Occtis’ chest, and he pressed a gentle kiss to the spot. “Can uncover every single inch.” Another kiss further up.
Occtis sucked his lips between his teeth, his head tilted back at the tender touch.
“See?” A kiss right underneath the curve of his jaw. “Still you.” One behind his ear. “Look at how you’re reacting. To my touch. To my voice.” A gentle bite to his lobe. “Feel me.”
Occtis sighed like a dream.
He focused solely on Kattigan’s lips and hands; his whole body enveloping him like a promise. His mouth latched onto that damn spot behind his ear and his hands wandering. They brushed over his chest, down to his sides and across his back leaving tingling traces of desire.
Kattigan guided Occtis onto the bed and kissed him, slow and sensual. It was familiar, natural as breathing, their lips fitting like spell components. He breathed Occtis in, tasted the faint traces of chamomile and peppermint.
Occtis reached for his face, held Kattigan by his jaw and weaved his hands through his hair by his neck. Kattigan positively groaned into Occtis’ mouth, the vibration of it making him shiver.
“You like that?” Kattigan asked with a kiss to his chin. He moved down to his throat and started undressing him.
“Wait.” Occtis rushed to stop him and Kattigan did. “It’s… I have a scar from…” He couldn’t say it, couldn’t pull more attention to the memory. Not now.
“So? I got plenty of ‘em myself.”
Occtis tugged at his vest. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?”
He helped Kattigan pull it up over his head. He discarded his bandolier and belt along with it and threw it on the floor with a heavy thunk.
Occtis had seen some of the faint scarring on Kattigan’s arms from countless fights in the rebellion; seeing them cover his torso like paint strokes was a whole different thing. A wide scar crossed diagonally from the top of his right shoulder to his navel. The hair on his chest covered most of them, but if he concentrated hard enough Occtis could see several smaller ones littered across his skin like stars.
Kattigan shifted to lean over him, as Occtis reached for them. He ran his fingertips over the jagged edges right down to his abdomen. Kattigan intently watched the movement and twitched when Occtis reached the waistband of his pants and tugged on it, pulling him closer.
He steadied Kattigan with a hand to his chest, palm resting against the edge of his scar. “What’s this one from?” He traced it with a featherlight touch.
Kattigan shivered. “Some fucker with a glaive got me. It was—” A low groan rumbling in the depths of his throat cut him off at Occtis kneading his chest and swiping a thumb over his nipple.
Occtis bit his lip to cover up his smile. It didn’t work.
Kattigan swiftly gathered his hands and pinned them to the mattress. “Can’t even behave long enough for me to answer your question, huh?”
“What can I say?” Occtis’ eyes flitted down for just a moment. “You’re fun to tease.”
“Oh, am I?”
Kattigan dipped his head right into the curve of Occtis’ neck and playfully nipped at the skin. The combination of lips and teeth drove him up the walls.
Shifting his focus on Kattigan’s hands didn’t help; he tucked them back underneath the thin fabric of Occtis’ shirt, roamed and explored every stretch of covered skin he could find. He snuck a pinch to his ribs, a poke to his chest, prodded at his stomach and pretended to warm the skin with long, smooth strokes.
Occtis twisted and turned at every prod and squeeze. He tried not to laugh, not to give Kattigan the satisfaction of seeing that he felt it – and oh, he felt it – tried covering his face with his hands but Kattigan just pulled them away again.
“Now why would you hide that pretty smile of yours?” He asked and Occtis couldn’t help but snort.
It didn’t dissuade Kattigan in the slightest. If anything, it only spurred him on even more to hear him make the noise one more time.
“Wait wait wahait! Kahat!” Occtis yelped and pleaded, as Kattigan continued lazily nibbling at his neck and slowly undressing him.
“Wait for what?” He hushed against flush skin. “You didn’t wait for me to finish my story either.”
His palms slid over the scar marking Occtis’ chest and brushed his shirt up with the movement. Despite the giggles slowing him down, Occtis sat up and let Kattigan pull the fabric off.
When he opened his eyes, chest exposed, he was met with a smiling Kattigan, eyes fixed on Occtis’ face. His smile.
“There you are,” Kattigan smiled. He took Occtis’ chin between thumb and index and rubbed it. “Hey, Sly.”
“Hi,” Occtis returned all wobbly and nervous.
Slowly but purposefully Kattigan brushed his knuckles against the high point of Occtis’ cheek. He dragged them down and opened his palm, pressing it against his chest, his scar. It was strange to not feel him breathe, to realize he didn’t need to anymore.
Occtis looked down at himself with contempt. If he had made the incision… his brother had been careless. He shouldn’t be surprised. Still, it stung to sit in the memory.
Kattigan shifted. He palmed Occtis’ ribs and leaned down to press a kiss to the scar.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “Divine.”
Occtis stifled a moan at that. It was intoxicating; having Kattigan so close again, his hands and mouth roaming and warming him up. Kattigan was right. It felt divine.
A bite to his shoulder made him jump, the wobbly smile returning as Kattigan continued his onslaught.
“Noho!” Occtis whined. Still, he wrapped his arms around Kattigan’s neck and held him close.
“What?” Kattigan asked all innocent. Occtis felt it on his skin and shivered. “I thought you said you can’t feel nothin’.”
He descended, lips carving a kiss bitten path down his chest.
“I didn’t—” Occtis couldn’t stop his next snort as Kattigan reached his stomach, the very edge of his scar.
“Oh, you don’t? That means I can keep going then right?”
Occtis felt as if he was floating, all drunk on giggles. He was warm and dizzy, squirmish and ticklish. He didn’t even know he was this sensitive before today. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he thought it might be best to keep it to himself.
Kattigan could know, though. Occtis felt safe enough with him.
“Did you get more sensitive since last time?” Kattigan’s voice was all growls and scratches, throat vibrating against Occtis’ stomach. “It’s ridiculous.”
“Dohon’t make fun of me!” Occtis pleaded and half-heartedly pushed at Kattigan’s shoulders, who only nuzzled closer.
“I’m just pointing out the obvious, Sly.” He peppered kisses along his sides, fingers digging into the soft flesh of his hips. “Seems to me you feel a lot for someone who’s so… hollow, as you said.”
He was right, his nerves were on fire. It was so much; the nuzzling, the kissing, the damn tickling. The first tear slipped from his lashes.
“You’re so cute when you cry,” Kattigan cooed and sat up to kiss the tears from his cheeks.
Occtis softly hit his chest in protest, still giggling through his crying.
“It tickles,” he giggled softly, Kattigan still kneading his sides.
He laughed. “That’s the point, Sly. You know, you’re not really living up to your nickname right now, sweetheart.”
Occtis whined. It was a noise stuck between a high pitched protest and the leftover laughter spilling from his lips as Kattigan finally – though Occtis could probably take a lot more – stopped.
He pulled Kattigan close and hugged him tight. Kattigan returned the gesture, face buried deep against Occtis’ neck.
“I’ve missed you, Occtis. Missed your smell, missed your touch, missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” Occtis hummed. “Don’t stay away for too long next time.”
Kattigan pressed their temples together like a prayer. “I’ll try.” Then, he pressed a kiss to the spot. He couldn’t stop; it was intoxicating to feel him so close. Anytime he started kissing Occtis, Kattigan had to cover him in them. He had to mark him.
“Wanna taste you,” he pleaded with a kiss to Occtis’ cheek. “Can I taste you?”
Occtis writhed in anticipation. It’s been so long… He didn’t know if it would feel the same, but gods he didn’t care. He wanted to— no, needed to feel Kattigan.
“Pl—ease.” He tilted his head back, felt Kattigan rut against his leg with a huff.
Kattigan’s speed was dizzying. He didn’t bother teasing or waiting any longer. He tugged Occtis’ pants off and threw them to his discarded clothes on the floor.
Occtis expected him to rip his underwear to shreds. Instead, Kattigan laid down on his stomach, arms wrapped around his thighs, and pressed his nose to the wet spot between them.
He inhaled deeply, savoring the wet tangy scent.
Occtis grabbed a handful of his hair with a gasp.
“You smell so good,” Kattigan rasped against him.
It was unfair, so unfair, how easily Kattigan could turn Occtis into a needy mess. He was heating up, clenching inside, clit throbbing—
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved. Outright happy, that he was still reacting the way he used to, even if it might go to Kattigan’s ego.
He didn’t care. Especially not when Kattigan licked a thick stripe over the nearly soaked fabric and closed his mouth right where he knew his clit to be.
Occtis damn near screamed.
“Sho good,” Kattigan slurred with a mouthful of Occtis. He let up for a moment just to sigh and lick his lips before diving back down, hands grabbing at Occtis’ waist as if he were to disappear if he didn’t.
“F—uck.” The low groan made Occtis shiver. He swore it almost sounded like Kattigan was the one being eaten out, not him.
Occtis moaned his name and it only made Kattigan more eager.
He pressed his tongue against the fabric and Occtis groaned at the feel of it almost entering him. Kattigan felt him spasm around the tip of his tongue and licked back up, closing his lips around his clit again. He sucked on it harshly and made Occtis jolt.
The fabric burned slightly, but it was a working reminder that Occtis could still feel something. That Kattigan’s touch still made him writhe and pulled sounds from his throat he almost forgot he could make.
Kattigan let up and went low. He inhaled, savored the sweet tangy scent. The tip of his nose hit Occtis’ clit with just the right pressure and he sucked on his lips with vigor.
Occtis, in turn, clawed at Kattigan’s hair, a moan halfway stuck in his throat. He couldn’t stop himself; he pulled Kattigan close by his hair and ground his hips against his mouth, back arched.
“Kattigan,” he pants, voice strained. “I’m gonna—”
Kattigan released an approving noise from the back of his throat and the vibrations lit Occtis’ entire body on fire, a tingling from deep within his stomach dissolving in waves. It wasn’t much different from unleashing a successful spell; like sparks gathering in the tips of his fingers and flowing through. The buzzing release left him giddy and skittish. He stilled before collapsing with a shiver.
Kattigan let up with a satisfying pop and kissed along Occtis’ thigh.
“If you could smell yourself like I do,” he mused. His cheeks were flushed, pupils all dilated and big like moons. “Taste yourself…”
Occtis pulled him close, invited him in, felt his tongue slide across his own and tasted something tangy he recognized to be himself.
“Let me taste you, too,” Occtis pleaded into his mouth. “Can I?”
Kattigan shuddered. “Gods, yes.”
He laid on his back and watched Occtis tug his pants off. He struggled to pull them past his ankles for a moment, and stumbled, worried he was ruining the mood. Kattigan helped with a reassuring chuckle and Occtis felt his tension wash away at the sound.
He settled between his thighs, eyed the erection leaning against Kattigan’s stomach. He wet his lips and swallowed at the size of it.
He tried imitating the way Kattigan did it and licked a thick stripe up his length. Occtis covered his teeth with his tongue and wrapped his mouth around his tip. If he was entirely honest, all his knowledge came from books on anatomy. He wasn’t sure what to do. So, there was something extra sweet about hearing Kattigan’s broken moan at the first swirl of his tongue.
Occtis sucked on the sensitive patch, tasted the salt, and felt Kattigan’s legs shake. He was eager to prove himself, to show he could please Kattigan just the way he did. He took a deep breath through his nose and lowered his head. The first few inches were fine; with his mouth full, tongue pressed against his teeth, he didn’t have too much space to worry.
“You’re doing so good,” Kattigan sighed like a dream. He reached down and brushed a stray strand of hair out of Occtis’ face.
“Don’t strain yourself,” he warned.
Occtis didn’t even fully process the sentence before a faint pop filled his ears and echoed in his jaw.
“Fuck, Sly!”
Kattigan helped him sit up, held Occtis by his shoulders, a hand stopped short before touching his unhinged jaw. His mouth hung open, his jaw slightly protruding on the left side.
Occtis reached up to the bone, felt along its edge. It didn’t hurt, not really. It was more like a dull pressure. He slid his thumbs underneath his jaw, pressed his fingers to his temple and set the bone with a bit of a push from his palm.
The accompanying crack made Kattigan jump.
“Are you okay?” He asked, eyeing the affected area.
“It’s fine,” Occtis answered, feeling along the bone and muscles. No pressure, no pain.
“You sure? That didn’t look fine to me.”
“Really, it’s okay.” Occtis took Kattigan’s hand and guided it to his face. His fingers twitched before relaxing against the skin. “I guess it’s just something this new… version of myself can do now.”
He looked too somber, spoke with more contempt than Kattigan would’ve liked.
“How many times do I have to tell you?” He took Occtis’ face fully into his hands, forcing him to look at him. “You’re still you. Still the same.”
Occtis blinked. It was an uncommon sight. “It doesn’t feel like it.”
Kattigan kissed his jaw, his ear. “How many times do I have to tell you until you believe me?”
“Far more often than it’s worth.”
Kattigan squeezed his side. “Do I need to tickle you until you agree?” A small laugh escaped him at the ridiculousness of the threat.
“You’re not—”
Occtis was cut off by his own yelp as Kattigan gently pushed him onto his back, hands latching onto the spot right above his hips that drove him practically insane. He hit Kattigan’s shoulder in a fit of laughter, his own shaking as he tried to curl up and protect himself. It was of no use; Kattigan found a gap between his arms, snuck his hands back to his stomach and continued his attack.
“You’re not gonnaha—” He tried again but it was no use. His own laughter prevented him from making any quippy remarks.
Occtis was dizzy. It was a good dizzy; he couldn’t explain it, but having Kattigan – The ranger. The soldier. – care for him so much, trying to make him laugh and see the good in himself… Gods, he might faint.
“Now that’s no good,” Kattigan murmured and slowed. “You gotta be able to talk for this to work.” He thought for a moment, still massaging Occtis’ sides enough to leave him a giggly puddle.
Occtis grabbed his wrists, not in an attempt to stop him, but to have him closer. He couldn’t tell what he was doing, what his body was doing. He was warm and giggly and felt like touching Kattigan and that was all that mattered.
“How about this then?” One of his hands descended, cupping Occtis’ cunt, who sighed at the touch. Kattigan circled two fingers against the wet spot sticking to his aching clit. A whine melted into leftover giggles. “I know you can talk when I touch you here.”
He tried to hold back, but Kattigan knew how to touch him just right to make him lose any composure he thought he might possess. Occtis bucked his hips up, tried to lean into the pressure, but right as he felt the pleasure build up Kattigan moved back up and pressed his palm against his abdomen.
Occtis groaned.
“Don’t tease,” he pleaded.
“I’m not. I’m teaching you something, Sly. So pay attention.”
A sharp smack landed between Occtis’ thighs. The contact burned slightly and Kattigan soothed him, circling the pads of his fingers over the spot. Occtis shivered at the feel of his nails scratching his clit.
Kattigan lifted his fingers for Occtis to see, all wet and sticky.
“Wet them,” he demanded and reached for Occtis mouth. He smoothed his fingers over his lips, parted them slightly and pushed inside. Occtis curled his tongue around the rough skin and moaned at the taste of himself.
Slowly, Kattigan reached back down and slipped his wet fingers into Occtis’ underwear. He gasped at the contact, finally feeling Kattigan skin to skin without any fabric in the way. He could come just like this, he thought.
Kattigan leaned close. “This is what you can have,” he whispered. “Just say you’re still the same. Say you’re still you. Tell me how beautiful you are and I’ll touch you just like this all night.”
Occtis squeezed his eyes shut, mouth agape with a heavy moan. He couldn’t say anything; he couldn’t lie and he would be if he were to tell Kattigan any of the things he wanted to hear.
“Or don’t,” Kattigan sighed, disappointed. He swiftly removed his hands and left Occtis an aching, whiny mess. He slapped him again, palm connecting with the wet heat of his cunt. Occtis jolted.
“Why,” he whined.
“Because you’re not listening,” Kattigan returned with another slap. “And I’ll keep smacking this cute little cunt of yours until you tell me you’re the same. Until you can tell me how beautiful you are.”
“Pl—ease.”
“That’s not it, Sly.” He slapped him again with a little more force this time. He rubbed the spot for a moment, pleasured him enough to remind him of what he could give him, before following it up with another slap, a red-hot pain spreading. “Disobedient students don’t get to come, love.”
Occtis groaned, annoyed at the fleeting thought of his approaching thesis deadline. Kattigan ground him enough with another slap to refocus.
Occtis shook his head in defiance. “I can’t—”
“Yes you can,” Kattigan intervened. Another sharp smack bounced off the walls. “Say it. Lie to me if you have to, Sly. Lie until it becomes the truth.”
Occtis grabbed at his sheets, clenched his hands to fists. He was so close… Maybe he could ride it out long enough—
Kattigan noticed. Of course he noticed. Of course he knew Occtis’ body enough to know when he was close and he stopped. He rubbed up and down Occtis’ sides, left him shivering and aching for release long enough until it washed away.
Then, he started over. He reached for him above the fabric, pinched Occtis’ clit, mean and sharp, and slapped it again.
Occtis sobbed. Tears wet his lashes and cheeks and he turned his head at Kattigan licking and kissing them.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered over and over and over again. “So beautiful. Ethereal.”
He kissed his neck and his jaw and slapped him again.
“More beautiful than anyone I’ve ever seen. Say it, Sly, say it with me.”
Occtis was hazy, but not too far gone to not notice the desperation swinging in Kattigan’s voice. It was like he needed him to say it, needed him to believe it like he needed air. He needed Occtis to know he was saying the truth and he needed him to accept it as such.
“I’m—” Occtis didn’t even fully realize he was speaking. It was as if his body was doing it for him.
“Yes, that’s it,” Kattigan breathed. He slid his fingers over wet fabric, spread Occtis open and teased his entrance. “Come on, say it.”
Occtis wrapped his arms around Kattigan’s neck, grabbed him by his hair. “The same,” he cried. “Still the same.”
Kattigan kissed him, strong and ferocious.
“Good,” he sighed into his mouth. “You’re doing so good.”
“I’m the same,” Occtis said again, like a prayer, like a memory. “Still the same.”
He cried out at Kattigan shoving his hand into his underwear finally – finally – touching him without a barrier. The contact is all he needs for the pleasure rooted in the pit of his stomach to explode.
Kattigan held him, rubbed his legs in long, soothingly warm strokes, as Occtis shook and worked through his orgasm. Kattigan watched his lashes flutter and heard his teeth clatter at the force of it. He peppered kisses all over his face to bring him back into the moment.
“You did so good, Sly.” He smiled. “So good.”
“The same,” Occtis whispered and squeezed Kattigan’s arm. “Fuck me like I’m still the same.”
Kattigan swallowed at the bluntness of the plea. He blinked at Occtis who, with pleasure veiling his face, held him by his hips and pulled him close.
“Alright, baby, alright,” he cooed. “I’ll take care of ya.”
Occtis writhed at the feel of his fingers entering him first. It wasn’t enough, not now that he was all warm and empty. Kattigan stretched him just how he remembered him to; sensual and torturously slow.
“Still with me?” Kattigan asked, cupping Occtis’ face.
“Yes.” Occtis writhed as Kattigan removed his fingers. “Pl—ease.”
“So impatient.” He chuckled and aligned their hips.
Slowly, carefully, Kattigan inched inside. Occtis moaned as he filled him. Another tear broke from his lashes as their hips connected. Kattigan took a moment to stare, to take in the sight of him buried deep within Occtis. Then his gaze stuck to something higher.
“Look at that,” Kattigan whispered. He grabbed Occtis by the wrists and placed his hands on his abdomen.
Occtis threw his head back as he felt the protrusion. When he looked down he could see the faint shadow of a bulge right underneath his belly button. He grabbed the sheets in a weak attempt to contain himself and muttered a quiet curse.
“I’m gonna come,” he whined, writhed and did.
Kattigan breathed through the motion, trying not to follow with Occtis clenching all around him.
He didn’t wait for Occtis to finish, instead thrusting into him with a slow and steady pace. He leaned forward and grabbed at the sheets, his heavy breathing caressing Occtis’ skin. He positively shivered.
It all melted together; the touch, the warmth, the pleasure. He couldn’t tell where one orgasm began and where the other ended. With Kattigan thrusting into him he could feel his heartbeat deep within.
Occtis pulled him close, chest to chest and heart to heart and focused on Kattigan’s pulse. It was familiar. Intoxicating. Addicting.
He never wanted this to stop. He wanted Kattigan to stay, wanted his heart to stay and the warmth to return. He wanted to feel like this forever.
Occtis cried. He couldn’t tell if it was because he already missed Kattigan or because of the pleasure. He didn’t care. He cried and let himself be held by Kattigan as he came across his empty stomach.
Somewhere in the back of his mind he was there when Kattigan cleaned him. Mostly, he was thinking about how things would return to the way they were, with Occtis locked away in his study trying to make sense of his new existence. He’d need to remember everything he learned today and write in his notebook… or maybe a separate one just to be safe.
He returned to himself when Kattigan tucked him into bed.
Occtis grabbed him by his arm. “Stay,” he pleaded.
“I am, Sly, don’t you worry,” Kattigan reassured him and slipped into bed. “I’m not going anywhere. At least not until sunrise.”
“Good.” It wasn’t. But Occtis would take what he could get. He curled up by Kattigan’s side, head on his chest to listen to his heart.
Kattigan weaved a hand through his hair and kissed the top of his head. “Still feel hollow?”
Occtis thought for a short while. Kattigan was nice and warm and his heartbeat echoed in the empty space of his chest.
“A little less so.”