In imitation of something divine

by A_fae_cat

Summary:

Kirika meets god's favourite person and makes a wish.

Homura meets someone who very much is not Madoka.

Chapter 1: Madoka?

Notes:

You can blame this existing on me rereading comments on Moth to a Flame.

Oriko Magica did happen in this, but it never happened a second time, so Homura didn't ever search for Oriko or Kirika. Meaning Homura only ever saw Kirika's witch form, and so doesn't recognise her name, or her appearance.

The moment Kirika's life changed was one that, to anyone else, would be little more than a mundane occurrence. Worthy of note maybe, but not of any real significance.

It had to do with a minor bullying problem Kirika was experiencing. Now, generally Kirika had been rather good at avoiding being bullied or really noticed at all. She may not have had any real friends, or even close acquaintances, but generally she was just kinda quiet and ignored. Not a target of positive or negative emotion.

Then, some stupid magical girl mascot said some unbelievable stuff in the middle of a school day. Got Kirika to very visibly and audibly react to it in the middle of an occupied hall, and since it was invisible to everyone but Kirika, Kirika looked like a maniac shouting at thin air. Which, as people may guess, is not a good thing for a loner who got by on being unnoticed.

Which is how Kirika gets to her current moment. Backed up against a wall and not quite sure how to get away from the three girls, who are currently entertaining themselves by tormenting her.

"You're such a creep, Kure. Why did you have to show up today? Who knows, maybe your mental illness is infectious, so you should really act like normal and not bother showing up"

Now, normally, Kirika would employ the wonderful strategy of just speed walking away, but currently, the end of the hall is blocked by said people. If Kirika does anything even the least bit violent, she'll be the person punished for it. So instead, she finds herself looking at the floor and hoping they'll get bored.

"Can you just go, Aoki?" Kirika mumbles; she really doesn't want to deal with this today. She barely ever actually manages to drag herself to school, and she is very rapidly being reminded why.

"Not if I have to share classes with a freak like you. Seriously, Kure, it's not like you ever pay attention to the lessons, so why do you turn up at all?"

That is something Kirika has yet to work out. The rare spark that managed to motivate her to actually go to school today is rapidly fizzling out. As much as she hates to do anything dicks like the people in front of her want. Maybe she really should just stay home? Not like she's getting anywhere being here, and her mum sure as hell doesn't care.

"Excuse me", A voice says from behind the three girls talking down to Kirika. Its tone is cold as ice.

"Ah, sorry we'll be out of your way, won't we, Kure?" For a moment, Kirika considers speaking up, but she knows nobody gives a crap about someone like her, so she just goes with it and steps aside.

"I wasn't talking about you being in my way. What exactly do you three think you're doing?" Looking up, Kirika sees the person talking to the people bullying her so confidently. She has vividly purple eyes, long, flowing black hair and seems to hold herself with a kind of unshakeable confidence.

"Uh, we were just talking to a friend of ours. You see, Kure here mentioned she had forgotten her homework, so we were just talking her through it"

"I'm not deaf. Stop tormenting your friend there, surely you must have something better to do" The sheer sharpness of her tone cuts through the excuse.

Despite the girl, whoever she is, having no real power, the sheer presence she has ends up with the girls meekly nodding and walking away. As if they weren't just trying to torment Kirika and excuse themselves a moment ago.

"Are you ok?" While still somewhat cold, the girl's voice softens as she speaks to Kirika.

"Um, yeah, thanks for that", Kirika just about manages to mumble out.

"People like that really are pests. Dispersing them is a public service"

"Yeah, still, thanks"

"It was no issue. Would you like me to report them to the school?"

"I doubt it would do anything"

"I suppose. I know Miss Saotome tends to take bullying rather seriously, however. So it may be worth trying her, rather than who you may have prior," the girl notes.

"Oh, um, really?"

"Yes," It's the confidence in her voice that convinces Kirika.

"Ok then", Kirika gives the girl the names, and after a goodbye, she walks off.

The next day, it's noted that those three have been excluded for the rest of the week. Which kinda shocks Kirika, since she really assumed nothing was going to happen, even if that girl seemed to think it would.

Despite how intimidating she was, Kirika ends up thinking about that girl a lot. She sometimes sees her around, always with that same effortless confidence. Yet Kirika never gains the confidence to approach her. She's so confident and cool and beautiful, while Kirika's, Kirika.

Yet she also notices that the girl, as amazing as she is, doesn't seem to have any close friends. Even if she occasionally gets hangers-on that she mostly ignores, besides plesentries.

Kirika finds herself way too embarrassed of herself to ever approach. Especially when she notices the fact that, since what happened was called out, it more or less stopped anything but the more subtle whispers behind her back.

Especially since the girl doesn't seem to regard Kirika with any sort of special attention. What happened was simply a kindness from that girl. One given without any expectation of reward, entirely for Kirika's sake, despite the fact so many people would have just walked past and done nothing. So many people did.

Someone that cool and amazing will never be the type of person that Kirika could befriend.

That fact only drags Kirika deeper into self loathing. She finally met someone truly kind and wonderful, yet she couldn't even get their name. Can't even talk to them. Can't do anything.

Then, when Kirika feels truly awful, Kubey appears again. Ready to bug her with his wish shenanigans. Like she's the kinda person who could fight wraiths in a frilly costume. Like her could have a wish worth a dam.

But her thoughts turn to that girl. The one who helped her selflessly. Kirika doesn't want to be herself, can't bear to be herself. Yet what if she could change, not aimlessly but for a reason? To be someone who could help that girl, the way she went out of her way to help Kirika. To be worthy of that.

When she thinks of it that way, the idea of a wish doesn't sound too bad.

"I wish to change, so I can be the type of person who could help that girl and who is worthy of mattering to her"

Kyubey eagerly rips Kirika's soul out of her body, and then she's unconscious.

When she wakes up the next morning, her memory is foggy. She knows she made a wish, but she can't think of what it could be. Still, not like that's going to hold her back. Kirika's not really good at anything, but if she can be a good magical girl and save people, that would be reward enough. At least then she would be doing something that matters.

As Kirika checks the mirror, making sure she's got everything on right, she looks into her pink eyes, straightens her uniform and makes sure her pink hair looks ok. It's a bit messy, but she doesn't really have time to fix it. Then she picks up her school bag and sets off.

She gets a few looks when she gets to class, for some reason, but everyone seems to shrug and move on. Maybe it's just because she's feeling a bit more upbeat today. Her seatmate certainly seems surprised to be given an upbeat hi when Kirika gets in, and her teacher frowns when she raises her hand to answer a question. Not one of the hard ones, Kirika's not that good at stuff, but she does pay some attention, and she feels bad leaving everyone else to contribute.

Her most intresting encounter comes when she encounters someone in the hall who full on stumbles after looking at her.

Kirika rushes over, "Hey, are you ok?"

"Oh, sorry. I..." The black haired girl looks at Kirika closely "I just thought you looked like someone else. My apologies"

"Oh, no problem at all. I'm just happy you're ok. It looked like you almost tripped over there"

"It's fine. No need to worry," The girl says, almost haltingly.

"Oh, good. Huh, I've been kinda rude not introducing myself. I'm Kure Kirika. Though please just call me Kirika. Nice to meet you. Sorry for making you stumble"

"Akemi Homura," Homura introduces, looking unsure if she wants to keep talking or run away from the conversation.

"Do you mind if I call you Homura? Sorry if that's overfamiliar"

"It's... If you want to" Homura conceads.

"Why wouldn't I. Homura's a really cool name, you know, it means fire or blaze, right? That's a great name. So of course I'd want to use it, if you're ok with that"

At that, Homura full on flinches.

"Um, did I say something wrong? Sorry, um, I'll just stick to calling you Akemi if you really don't want me to use Homura" Wow, Kirika has to be making such a bad first impression. She's so bad at this.

"No, you can call me Homura" Homura replies, this time in a more steady manner.

"Ok then, nice to meet you Homura,"

"Nice to meet you too, Kirika" Homura pauses a moment before saying Kirika's name, her voice having some emotion Kirika can't quite work out in it.

Kirika considers what to say next, before she remembers that she was on the way to classes.

"I just realised I need to go or I'll be late for classes. Nice meeting you, though" Kirika says, before rushing off. It would be kinda embarrassing to be late because she got caught up chatting.

___________________________________________________________________________

Homura stares at the back of Kirika as she rushes off.

That, it must be a coincidence, right? But the way she walks, how she looks, her tone of voice, even the words themselves. All of it echoes Madoka in a way that makes Homura's heart ache.

It's not her; Madoka sacrificed herself for all magical girls. She doesn't exist beyond the ribbon she left to Homura. Hell, Kirika is a different name to Madoka entirely, even if a lot about her reminded Homura of Madoka, her hairstyle is a bit different, she doesn't have the ribbon in it, it's all just happenstance.

Yet after bumping into her, Homura can't help but keep an eye on her. Stalking someone is a skill Homura perfected during her timeloop, and even if this is only a simple curiosity, it returns to her like an old friend.

The conclusion Homura comes to, after keeping an eye on Kirika, is that when she interacts with people, the expressions she makes and the way she acts just continue to remind Homura of Madoka. Even if there is no Sayaka or Hitomi around to complete the picture.

Not that said picture can ever be complete. Sayaka has been taken by the law of cycles after all. Her demise in this world as swift as it was in the old one, even if her ultimate fate is far kinder.

Was Kirika around all this time, and Homura simply didn't notice until she bumped into her? Homura would like to say it's impossible she wouldn't notice someone like that, but considering that she goes through lessons by rote and barely pays attention to classmates, aside from sparing the occasional look to Mami, and Sayaka, back when she was around. So it really isn't beyond comprehension that someone like Kirika would have just escaped Homura's knowledge.

Purely out of curiosity, Homura follows her from a distance when school ends, then grits her teeth when she spots Kyubey go up to her.

They presumably have some kind of telepathic conversation for a few moments, before Kirika nods and transforms.

Homura almost flinches a second time as she takes in Kirika's magical girl outfit.

It's a pink and white dress, the skirt having a frilled petticoat and a petaled pattern on it, alongside it having three pink bows, two on the sides and one on her back. She has a pink ribbon around her neck and her soul gem, pink but in a diamond shape, lies just below it, at the top of her dress.

It, Homura has to remind herself, isn't the same. The sleeves are longer, ending in large pink sleeve cuffs, rather than being short, and Madoka's hands being in gloves. Her legs are covered in white leggings, rather than knee high socks. The dress has three ribbons, not two. The shoes are in a much darker red, and her hair lacks the ribbons Madoka's had.

It's still too familiar. It still hurts to look at. To see that costume that makes Homura feel like she's failed her loop. Even knowing her days of looping are over, and that person down there. No matter how similar she may seem, is not Madoka. She is a stranger Homura owes nothing to. Just one with slightly too familiar looks and mannerisms.

Her weapons, when she summons them, reinforce this as much as they conflict it. They are claws, three on each side, coming out from the cuffs. A weapon entirely unlike Madoka's bow. Yet the claws are wooden, their ends stylised like leaves, while the central one on one side has a rose on it, while the other one has two live leaves visible from under the cuffs. Each one also has a small pink circular gem, just before they bend down into the leaf design.

It's not Madoka's weapon. Yet the style, the small features. They feel familiar to Homura; they are familiar. Even if not in the same form.

When she goes into the miasma, as she fights wraiths, her claws blaze with pink energy, lengthening them and letting her rip through scores of wraiths, though Homura can clearly see her inexperience. It's a familiar sight, even if the movements aren't quite the same. Claws, even ones that can lengthen like that, are a melee weapon after all. They aren't a familiar weapon to Homura. Even so, Homura can see similarities in Kirika's movements and actions. Even if it's a different person against a different foe.

When she's hit by an ascetic wraith and knocked back, Homura can see the pain in her eyes as she stands back up, yet also that shine of determination that says she won't back down. Not yet.

Homura finds herself with her bow out despite herself. She came here to observe, yet she is meant to be the shield of Madoka's wish, is she not? Meant to smite the wraiths that hurt people and anyone who would endanger her. So when she fires her bolt, that splits into a thousand strikes that destroy the wraiths around Kirika. It is only because Homura is following the code she has sworn herself to, not for any other reason.

Kirika turns around to where Homura is, her eyes wide in shock and amazement.

Considering her position is revealed, rather than trying to hide, Homura jumps down from the building she was taking shelter on and walks towards Kirika.

As Kirika looks at Homura, there is recognition in her eyes. The encounter earlier in no way forgotten.

"Homura? You're a magical girl too?"

"I am, yes. It looked like you could use some assistance with the wraiths"

"I appreciate the support. I thought I was doing ok, but that one with the fire surprised me; all the others used beams, so I didn't avoid it well. That probably wasn't the best showing, huh?"

"Did Kyubey not fill you in on the types of wraith?"

"Not really. He just kinda told me how the transformation worked and then threw me in. I guess I should have asked more questions"

Homura sighs, "Kyubey doesn't think like we do. Unless you explicitly ask, he won't share information freely. I recommend you either quiz him thoroughly or find another magical girl to teach you the basics" Even in this new world, Kyubey is far from the ally he should be.

"Then, could you teach me? You must be an experienced magical girl right? That magic was amazing. You wiped out all those wraiths in a second"

That, Homura considers, is a terrible idea; she's kept her distance from Mami and Kyoko in this timeline for a reason. No matter how much Kirika reminds Homura of someone else. She shouldn't forget herself.

"Why did you become a magical girl, Kirika?"

"Well, I'm not that smart, or pretty, and I'm not that good at making friends, but doing this can help people. I can really make a difference. I just want to be able to do some good, I suppose. In a way that matters"

That answer once again has Homura looking towards Ma, towards Kirika, in something between shock and wonder. This, can this be a coincidence?

"Kirika, can I ask what you wished for?" If this is really not a coincidence, then a wish is the only thing Homura can think of that isn't outlandish.

"I. What I wished for? Um, I" Kirika suddenly closes her eyes in focus, looking like she's trying to think of something extremely hard, before sighing. "I don't remember? I... I definitely made a wish and it was granted, I just can't think of it?"

That's weird. Beyond weird, actually. Homura can't think of a single incident where something like that has happened. Still, the thought comes to mind that Homura has something that could maybe help with that. Her magic can manipulate memory, can it not? Would she not be able to bring that wish to the forefront?

"My magic may be able to help with that. It has to do with memory," Homura comments.

"Wait, really? I, if you think you can help, then ok," Kirika gives a resolute nod.

"Are you sure you should be agreeing that easily. For all you know, I could be talking you into doing something malicious"

"Memory magic is scary, when I think about it, so I think I might have said no to a lot of people if they asked that. But even though I don't know you well yet, there is something about you that makes me feel like I can trust you. So I'm choosing to believe I met you today for a reason. Please take care of me, Homura"

Homura feels her breath catch in her throat, that, Homura shouldn't be given trust that easily. Magical girls, Mami, Sayaka, and even Kyouko, none of them are so willing to trust Homura. Not so quickly.

"I won't squander the trust you have put in me" Homura gathers her magic. "Are you ready?"

Mado Kirika smiles at her, "Ok, Homura, I'm ready"

When Homura's magic reaches Kirika and looks to the day before, it meets some kind of fog. The memories are there in a form, but they are clouded. Homura gets the sense that she could put memories over the fog. Likely even more easily than over normal memories, but whatever put a haze over the memories blocks Homura's sight as much as it does Kirika's memory. Homura might be able to clear the fog, but it would mean blowing it aside with her own magic, which, notably, manipulates memories. So she isn't quite sure if that would do what she wants it to.

Homura lets go of the magic "The memories are clouded, I might be able to uncloud them, but I've never tried something like that with my magic before. So I don't know if it would work to recover them"

"Oh, do you think it might work. I mean, if you can't do it, that's fine. The fact you were even willing to try is still really nice of you"

"It could work. Like I've said, it's untested. I've never seen what happened to the memory of your wish before" Partially because Homura hasn't used that side of her magic that much. Manipulating people's memories is not the most wholesome of magics, nor is it much use against wraiths. So Homura doesn't like using it against people in most circumstances.

"If you think it could work, then go for it. I'd rather know than be left wondering"

"If you're sure"

Kirika gives a determined nod.

Homura forms her magic once more and pours it into the memories of the day of Kirika's wish, changing Madoka's Kirika's memory of that day to what it should be, rather than the fog that leaves it unknowable.

Kirika looks forward blankly for a second before shaking her head.

"Oh, I remember now, thanks Homura"

"Is it something you're willing to share?"

"I saw a cat run over. When Kyubey offered the chance, I couldn't just leave the poor thing to die. Besides, I wanted to be a magical girl anyway, so that just gave me a good reason. Though I do wonder why I couldn't remember that, it seems really obvious now. Thank you so much, Homura," Kirika says with a smile.

That wish, the wish Homura's magic restored to Kirika. It's familiar once more. Something that makes Homura sure this isn't a coincidence.

Madoka ascended to godhood. Yet Homura doesn't know how that works in practice. The person Kaname Madoka can't exist in this timeline. But does that create an absence that needs to be filled? Is Kirika a person who only exists in this new world? A sort of fill in, now that the original Madoka cannot exist? The same in essence, if not in circumstance?

If that is how that works, then is Kirika this world's Madoka? Just with a different name and born to different parents? If that's so, does Homura owe this Madoka, even if she isn't quite the same? Is this an opportunity for redemption in this new world? To be able to help the equivalent of the girl she failed. Now that being a magical girl is no longer a poisoned chalice.

"Ok"

"Um... Ok?" Kirika asks, not quite getting what is being okayed.

"I will teach you. That's what you asked for, right?"

"Wait, really? Thank you!" Kirika jumps forward and hugs Homura.

Homura looks down at the person holding her, who's both so familiar and yet not quite the same as the person she made her wish for. After a second of considering, Homura puts an arm around her in return.

Maybe this is a chance to ensure past mistakes don't occur again and for Homura to have an ending that doesn't lead to despair.

Notes:

Homura intervenes at the start because she was bullied a bit in the first timeline, and so doesn't take too kindly to it happening to others. Even if she doesn't care what happens around her much in school otherwise.

So, Homura may have made a tiny mistake with her memory magic, it's ok though, no one will ever know.

Does this save Madoka from rebellion happening? Was the solution to give Homura someone she can just assume is metaphysically Madoka and call it a day?

Chapter 2: Is this the life I want?

Summary:

Kirika learns more about Homura, and makes a choice.

Notes:

So, this was originally intended to be a one-shot, but is being continued by popular demand. I won't commit to an update schedule. The same painting in a different hue is still my primary work right now. So that will get a chapter every two days, while this will get one when I have time and am inspired to write it. Still, I hope I can pay off the concept.

Kirika isn't quite sure what she expected when Homura agreed to teach her the ins and outs of being a magical girl, but apparently, it comes with an invitation to her home. Homura mentioning that it would be better to be somewhere comfortable, considering how much they have to go through.

Kirika thinks it over for a second but quickly accepts. It's not like she has any plans for the rest of the day, and she trusted Homura enough to let her help restore memories, so having her limit be a house visit would be a strange line in the sand to draw.

Fortunately, the place Kirika found her first miasma is quite close to where Homura lives. Meaning the walk isn't too long.

Before long, Kirika is seated on Homura's sofa.

"I would offer drinks, but the only things I have in are instant coffee or water", Homura notes.

"That's fine, I wouldn't want to impose anyway" Kirika's never been able to enjoy coffee much, it's always too bitter, and adding sugar doesn't help anywhere near enough.

"I suppose we should begin with what Kyubey informed you of when becoming a magical girl"

"Wraiths steal people's emotional energy and form in miasmas. Magical girls are tasked with fighting them. I need to use grief cubes to restore my magic" Those are the only things Kyubey really mentioned as he led her to her first miasma.

At that, Kirika notices Homura's expression change to one of annoyance, "So he told you the bare minimum then"

"Um, if that's the bare minimum, what else do I need to know?" Kirika does want to be the best magical girl she can be, so she's listening eagerly to whatever knowledge Homura is willing to impart.

"The first and most important rule is you must never let your soul gem fill with grief. If you do, you will be taken by the law of cycles, a fate equivalent to death" There is a look in Homura's eyes when she mentions the law of cycles, one that seems almost longing.

"I see why you insisted on gathering up all the grief cubes in that case", Kirika says, trying to ignore the terror of the idea that she could die from magic overuse.

"Never leave one behind, those are the lifeline of a magical girl. This is also why you must be economical with your magic use. Going out in a blaze of glory isn't noble, it just leaves everyone else to mourn you" The look Homura gives Kirika as she talks is one that makes her want to shrink in on herself. It isn't shouted or said in a threatening tone, but rather is said with such utter certainty that Kirika finds herself sure that Homura isn't speaking from a hypothetical.

That does cool Kirika's excitement about being a magical girl slightly. If someone as powerful and amazing as Homura has lost people, then Kirika has to come to terms with the fact that this job of hers is dangerous. Way more so than she went into it expecting.

Not that she's going to give up. Kirika can almost feel the fact she is meant to be a magical girl. When she was fighting wraiths, she felt alive in a way that she never has before. Even if it kills her, being a magical girl, fighting evil and saving people. It's not something she wants to stop being. For the first time in her life, she feels like she's worth something. Like her actions matter.

For that, when she considers all the good she can do, a little risk is worth it. Even if Kirika is going to take Homura's advice super seriously. She can't help people if she's dead after all.

"I understand. No heroic last stands or anything like that"

"Good. Second, take care of your soul gem; if it shatters, it will kill you. Never let it out of your sight and never let anyone you don't trust absolutely touch it" This too is said in a manner that brooks no argument.

Kirika nods. That is also very important to know. It's probably a good thing she isn't close enough to anyone for them to question her suddenly wearing a ring full-time, because she is never taking off her soul gem.

"Third, magical girls are territorial. Grief seeds are what let magical girls use their magic, and that means most of them always want more of them. This can even lead to magical girls trying to kill other magical girls to claim their territory. Don't trust magical girls you don't know"

"That's awful!" Kirika, while not happy, wasn't really disturbed by the fact that being a magical girl comes with risks of dying. She signed up to fight evil and such, it would be odd if that didn't have risks. To hear that she might have to end up fighting other magical girls, that other actual people might want her dead out of greed? That disturbs her in a way the risks of fighting wraiths are unable to.

"Yes, it is. It is also reality. With luck, it will be a very long time before anything like that happens, but you need to understand that. Magical girls are preteens and teenagers given a wish. They are not selected for inner goodness, but rather for how much magic they are capable of producing. Many of them are self serving or desperate. I understand you want to be kind, just remember to be wary. A bit of suspicion could save your life"

"But I don't want to have to treat everyone I meet with suspicion. That sounds... Lonely. I understand what you're saying. I won't just hand over my soul gem to the first other magical girl I meet. But you just mentioned, some are self serving, but some are desperate. Surely for that last group, we should help them, not treat them like enemies" Maybe it's naive of her, but Kirika doesn't want to go through life treating every other magical girl as a potential enemy.

"Ma... Kirika. You, you aren't entirely wrong. I don't want to say you should treat every magical girl like an enemy or become paranoid, just keep what I said there in mind. You're a good person, I don't want to change that. I don't think I could. But you can be cautious without being cruel. That is all I ask" Rather than the cold tone she has been speaking in, there is something raw in Homura's voice. An almost pleading note.

"Ok, you're the expert, I'll be careful. I promise" Kirika also wonders what Homura started saying before stopping short and saying her name instead. But with how strongly Homura reacted just now, she decides not to prod.

Kirika's first guess would be a magical girl Homura used to work with. In which case, Kirika can guess why Homura is so insistent about all this. Kirika doesn't want to imagine how painful losing someone like that must be.

"Good. Though with luck, that won't be something you will need to worry about for some time. Aside from us, Mitakihara City currently has two other magical girls. Tomoe Mami and Sakura Kyouko. Tomoe is friendly enough, even if she and I don't particularly get along. Sakura is abrasive, but also unlikely to harm you, so long as you don't push her. Even so, I would recommend getting a bit more experience as a magical girl before you meet either of them," Homura explains.

Even if Homura isn't that friendly with them. Kirika finds herself relieved to hear that the other magical girls in the city aren't the type that Homura just warned her about. Kirika is much more partial to abrasive as opposed to murderous.

"Ok, I'll keep that in mind. Really, I'm just glad that they aren't the type to try and kill people they don't like," Kirika admits. She isn't sure she could coexist with someone like that.

"There are certainly worse neighbours to have", Homura agrees.

"So, any more ground rules?" The other three Homura's gone through do all seem very important, even if Kirika would be happier to live in ignorance about what other magical girls are capable of.

"I believe those are the most essential things. Though there are a number of other things you should know," Homura notes.

Over the rest of the afternoon, Homura goes over a comprehensive guide to what magic can do. She is especially insistent about its capabilities for self healing, considering how life and death that can be. She goes over the types of wraiths, strategies to deal with each type, ways to avoid being overwelmed and in what situations Kirika should retreat, rather than keep fighting. She gives Kirika a number of tests to do in her own time regarding the function of her magic, as while some of it comes instinctively, according to Homura, almost all magical girls can expand on what their magic can do by experimenting with it. Finally, she makes Kirika promise to not go hunting without Homura, for the first few weeks at very least.

That last one is something Kirika is happy to agree to. Not just for her own safety, but because she gets the feeling Homura is lonely, even if she would never admit it. So, as well as being her mentee, Kirika promises herself that she'll become Homura's friend.

Homura's already done so much for Kirika, despite only having met her today. So it's only fair that Kirika try to pay her back, right? So that's exactly what she'll do, by being the best friend and magical girl partner that she can possibly be.

Slightly to Kirika's disappointment, soon after Homura finishes her overview of being a magical girl, it gets late enough that Kirika finds herself having to go home. Though she promises to meet back up with Homura at school tomorrow.

The next day, Kirika gets up with a little time to spare. She gives a few moments to trying to tame her hair, though it's a bit of a lost cause. She probably needs something to hold it in place if she really wants to consider that.

Still, once she's come to that conclusion, she packs her bags and sets off, stopping in a shop on the way to school to collect lunch for later.

The lessons go fine, Kirika tries to pay attention and get along with her schoolmates, even if she can't help but still feel a bit behind. Maybe she should ask if Homura can tutor her in academics as well as being a magical girl?

Not that she's going to. Homura's already given her so much after just a day. To ask for more would feel ungrateful.

When it gets to lunch, Kirika dismisses the thoughts of her somewhat dismal attempts at academics and instead goes to find Homura. It isn't long before she finds the table Homura is sitting at and goes to join her.

"Hi, Homura"

"Good afternoon, Kirika" One thing Kirika's come to notice is that there is always some kind of hesitance before Homura says her first name. It's subtle, but noticeable if Kirika pays attention. Maybe Homura just isn't that used to using first names? Kirika did just kinda move directly to being familiar with her.

Kirika digs her store bento out. "So, you having anything nice for lunch?" That's an inoffensive way to start small talk, right?

"No"

"Huh? What do you mean, no?" That isn't the answer she's supposed to get to that question.

"I've not bothered to bring any", Homura admits, without any real emotional reaction.

"Why not? If you can't afford it or something, then you can have half of mine?" Kirika offers. She didn't think Homura was badly off, but there is no way to know from first impressions. She did only have water and instant coffee at her house. Maybe she has a tight budget?

"No, nothing like that. It is simply not worth the effort. Magic can substitute perfectly well, and I am not bothered to get any" Homura replies. Like that's a better answer.

"But, even if magic can substitute, you shouldn't just miss meals; that's unhealthy"

"No, it's not. As mentioned, I can use magic to maintain the state of my body without needing to bother. I will eat at dinner," Homura continues, like she sees nothing wrong with this.

"Well, in that case, you can have half of mine anyway, I'd feel bad eating in front of you without you having anything" Kirika offers.

"No. You actually require the nutrition since you don't know how to maintain yourself with magic. Giving anything to me would mean denying yourself"

"Are you really ok just not having anything?"

"It is something I am used to. I have no motivation to change my habits in this case"

That's just sad. Homura seems so cool from a distance, but if this is how she lives, just out of necessity, not even enjoying simple pleasures like eating, then can she possibly be happy? Kirika is beginning to get the sense that Homura may be too attached to her duty as a magical girl to her own expense.

"Ok, so do you have any hobbies?" Kirika decides to pivot to a different subject. There must be something Homura fills her free time with.

"There is nothing I am particularly interested in. Though I am part of the school's archery club"

"Did you join because your weapon is a bow?"

"It seemed like a productive use of time. Even if not everything about traditional archery is applicable to wraith hunting," Homura agrees.

So even that is just a way to do more as a magical girl. Does she do anything for herself?

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Archery can be relaxing"

"In that case, how about I join you? What days does the club operate?" Kirika offers. Even if it's just a utilitarian hobby, this will still give her a chance to bond with Homura. Kirika really does want to be her friend after all.

"After school Monday and Tuesday"

"Ok then, I'll be there next week in that case", Kirika promises.

"I see. Do you have any experience with archery?"

"Nope, I hope you don't mind giving me pointers"

"I should be able to go over the basics"

"Thanks, Homura"

Kirika tries to get to know Homura a bit more over lunch, but comes to only find her initial conclusions reinforced. She has no family looking after her, no close friends, no hobbies she does for her own sake, and sees fighting wraiths as her duty.

Kirika has to work to keep up a smile over the conversation. Some of what Homura mentions without the slightest bit of emotion is so sad that it makes Kirika want to move over and hug her. Even if that would probably not be appreciated. Kirika highly doubts that Homura wants her pity, so Kirika won't give her any.

Instead, she is going to make sure that as Homura's friend, she is going to do whatever it takes to get Homura to actually start living for her own sake, as opposed to just acting like her only purpose is to fight wraiths.

It's the least Kirika can do to repay her for helping Kirika learn how to be a magical girl and restoring the memory of her wish.

As she walks home, Kirika get started on the first part of operation get Homura to see herself as a girl, rather than just a magical girl. Which, in this case, means finding a way to convince her that just sustaining herself off magic might not be good for her.

Now there is no chance Kirika is going to get Homura to cook for herself and she doubts she could convince Homura to buy anything. Not to mention Kirika still doesn't actually know Homura's economic circumstances. She has a flat, but no parents actively taking care of her, so it's possible that to Homura, money is more scarce than magic. Or she has no issues there at all, Kirika can't know.

What Kirika does know, is that the only way she's going to get Homura to have anything is if Kirika makes it for her. So Kirika stops by the shops on the way home, looks up a simple recipe and puts together a couple of bentos, one for her and one for Homura. Since if she just made one for Homura, that would probably be seen as weird, and if she bought one rather than making one, that would feel impersonal.

The next day at lunch, Kirika puts her plan into action.

"Afternoon, Homura. You just going to use magic again for lunch?"

"I did mention it was habit, did I not?"

"I know you aren't bothered, but I don't like the thought of eating alone, so I made you a bento. Think of it as repayment for helping train me as a magical girl," Kirika says, getting out the lunch she made for herself and the one she made for Homura.

Homura freezes, before looking at Kirika like she's searching for something. "There was no need" She eventually gets out, the words as halting as when Kirika first met Homura.

"No, but I wanted to. You wouldn't want my work to go to waste, would you?" Kirika encourages.

"You shouldn't bother", yet Homura's voice doesn't suggest that she dislikes what Kirika did. But rather has a strange mixture of longing and regret.

"Think of it this way. You mentioned that I need to be economical with my magic use, right? Grief cubes are the lifeline of a magical girl and all. So even if it doesn't cost much magic, it would be more efficient for you to have it right?" That is an argument that Kirika knows Homura can't contest. Her entire identity seems dedicated to being a magical girl, so Kirika doubts she would do anything that could contradict that.

"I suppose you aren't wrong. Thank you, Kirika," Homura replies, finally trying the food that Kirika made for her.

Despite what her talk about not having any motivation to change would suggest. Homura looks at what Kirika gave her like it is something precious and seems determined to appreciate each bite.

Which only reinforces the thought that Homura really needs someone to help her learn to appreciate herself. So that's what Kirika will do. Homura can teach Kirika how to be a magical girl, and in exchange, Kirika will try to show Homura how to be a mundane one.

Even if Kirika isn't really the best person for that. She isn't what she'd call good at being a mundane girl. What with the whole, no real friends, mediocre academics and partially absent mother. But she's the person who's here and willing to help. So that's what she'll do.

Because if there is one thing Kirika is sure of after knowing her for a few days, it's that with how much work she's done to protect people from wraiths. Homura deserves to have some time to be happy for her own sake.

Notes:

Homura is very good at killing wraiths, she's not very good at actually living as a person though. Luckily, she has Kirika, who just so happens to remind Homura of before she was a full time magical girl and just so happens to want to help.

Chapter 3: Am I following your will? Please answer me? I can't go on without you.

Summary:

Homura does some archery with Madoka Kirika.

"What am I doing, Madoka?"

That question, that Homura asks the only god she believes in, her greatest and only friend, is one she doesn't know the answer to.

Today, Kirika decided, for no apparent reason other than kindness, to make a lunch for Homura, despite such a gesture being wasteful and unnecessary.

It was not a grand gesture, not a moment of heroism, or some sort of miracle. Just a moment of kindness that made Homura's heart hurt more than any of the above could.

"Is she some last vestige of you? Some bit of you that didn't leave when the rest did? That has stayed mortal, even if only as a reflection of you?" That is what Homura would love more than anything to believe. That Kirika is truly a second chance. A way to have a future that doesn't lack Madoka.

"Or is she just my own weakness? Am I so lost that I am simply seeing you where there is nothing? Have my desires overcome my sense of rationality?"

There is after all, no reason for any remnant of Madoka to remain. She said her goodbyes, she left Homura with her memory and her ribbon. Why would there be anything else?

Homura can see so many similarities between Kirika and Madoka that she truly wants to believe it can't be a coincidence. But that very thought is the problem. She wants to believe it isn't. Her judgment is impaired, biased by her own yearning and obsession.

Is Kirika the remains of Madoka's mortal existence, or is she nothing more than a fluke?

Should Homura dedicate herself to protecting and befriending Kirika, just as she would have loved to do with Madoka, had she existed in this happier world? Or would doing so be abandoning the oath she made to Madoka? Abandoning her responsibilities to guard Madoka's wish and destroy the wraiths that still haunt this world that Madoka has brought about?

"Please, Madoka. What should I do?"

There is no response of course, there never is. Madoka is something far greater than Homura now. Something so far beyond any mortal, that even with as infinite kindness as she has, there is no way she would hear Homura's plea. Much less respond to it.

Homura's friend is gone. She shall never see her again, except at her very final moments. Yet her very devotion to Madoka, and the kind world she made, that must be protected, means that Homura cannot give up. Cannot accept that ending, may not give in and fall into Madoka's embrace. Because she must defend this world, and so she must live.

Even if that leaves her lost without a compass to guide her.

Is Kirika that compass, or is she just the lure of an anglerfish that should Homura be enthralled by, will swallow her whole?

"I suppose you would want me to make friends with her? You always were too trusting for your own good"

Without any intuition of her own to guide her, Homura supposes that is what she must do. Yes, just this once, Homura will just have to hope her desires will not lead her astray.

As such, the next day, when Kirika offers Homura another lovingly created lunch that Homura neither needs nor deserves, rather than attempt to offer another refusal, she instead thanks Kirika and accepts it.

The painful part is it really is nice. Eating with Kirika, having someone go through that effort for her, it brings back memories of the lighter timelines when Homura truly was friends with Madoka. Rather than just shadowing her and defending her, despite Homura's well earned distrust.

Homura quite quickly finds herself looking forward to that little bit of light in her day despite herself. She supposes that even magic cannot entirely fix the weakness of her heart.

On the other side of things, Homura continues to tutor Kirika as a magical girl. She, just like Madoka was, seems born for the role. Her magic comes instinctively, she earnestly desires to fight wraiths not for any reward but for the good it will do, and she follows all of Homura's advice without complaint.

With some experimentation, it is found that Kirika's magic, as well as being able to extend her claws, can also form into other things with more magic and effort. Something that Kirika mostly uses to form into a shield when she can't dodge one of a wraith's beams.

Whenever Homura helps her or gives her advice, she seems so genuinely thankful. Every time Homura has to suppress her first reaction to seeing someone so similar to Madoka looking at her that way. That kindness, when aimed towards Homura, makes her feel weak in a way that is as seductive as it is impossible to accept. Homura is not someone who deserves that kindness after all, even if, for Madoka's sake, she will bear it.

Homura thinks back to that thought before clenching her hand into a fist. For Kirika's sake, not Madoka's. Madoka is gone because Homura failed to protect her. She bestowed her kindness on the world and saved magical girls, even at the cost of her own existence.

Homura needs to stop seeing ghosts in Kirika's every smile, in her gestures, large and small, in her every other word and every other action. In the way her pink eyes shine so earnestly, and she says Homura's name like it belongs to someone who deserves kindness.

It's unbearable. But Homura knows if it ever stopped, she would miss it more than if she lost a limb.

The rest of the week passes.

Sayaka remains dead, Mami and Kyouko remain working together, thankfully it seems neither have noticed Kirika hunting with Homura yet. It is a conversation she knows must be had at some point, but it is not one she is ready for.

Though she supposes that when Madoka does meet Kyouko and Mami, she will finally be able to join a true team of magical girls, rather than deal with Homura's hovering. Mad-- Kirika is sure to enjoy their presence more than Homura's. They are much more hospitable than she is.

It's for the best. Homura should remain a loner, she has a bad record protecting people.

But not until she is certain that Kirika is as well trained as possible and knows not to do anything stupid. Homura refuses to let her get taken along by Mami's ideas of what a magical girl should be and go the same way as Sayaka did.

"We're meeting up for archery now, right?" Kirika asks, joining her after school and shaking Homura out of her thoughts.

"You did say you wanted to join me for it, did you not?"

"I did, yeah. You still up for giving me pointers?"

"I should be able to do that. If nothing else, I have experience" Even if Homura has nowhere near the natural talent Madoka did. She makes up for it by working as hard as she can to live up to Madoka's memory. It is the only thing she has left to keep her going.

"With what you do to wraiths, I'm sure you'll be a great teacher. You've really helped me get a handle on my magic"

"I suppose I should be flattered you have so much confidence in me"

"I mean, if you want to be. I'm just saying the truth as I've experienced it. You're really good with the bow when hunting, and you're a good teacher, so I have good reason to be confident you'll be a good archery teacher"

"I must remind you that a real bow is not quite the same as the one I use against wraiths"

"I know, but the principles must be similar, right? Stuff like footwork, or aiming when you're not doing anything fancy with your magic, probably has similarities. That's why you started going to the club, right?"

"That is true. Just don't expect too much, ok?"

"Ok, it's not like I'm expecting to even hit the target, really. I've never done this before, and I doubt I'll be particularly talented. Still, I think it will be fun to have you teach me, and that's reason enough to give it a try"

"You should have more confidence, Kirika. If you can believe in my teaching, then you should also believe in your capacity to learn" It is amazing how Madoka Kirika can have confidence in everyone but herself. That is something Homura wants to help her make at least some progress with before introducing her to Kyouko and Mami.

Kirika smiles, "Thanks, Homura. The fact you believe in me makes me want to live up to that. So I'll be sure to do my best"

The two enter the archery range, Homura exchanging a curt greeting to the other members of the club before taking Kirika to where the archery equipment is stored. Before letting Kirika pick any of it up, Homura explains what each part does. Such as ensuring she has a properly fitted arm guard. Homura then finds a recurve bow in Kirika's size with a beginner's bow poundage.

Considering the strength she has from being a magical girl, it is possible that Kirika could start with a higher poundage, but if Homura is going to get her started using a bow, she is going to do it properly. Rather than making potentially poor assumptions.

Once Homura has finished explaining, with Kirika occasionally asking questions about anything not entirely clear, she picks up her own bow and the arrows she and Kirika will be using, before going over to the targets.

"I will shoot before you do. Try to copy my stance, I will correct anything that doesn't look right" Homura explains.

Currently, Homura is at the short distance targets, since Kirika is a beginner, so she's not particularly impressed with herself when she gets a bullseye.

Kirika seems impressed though, "You got a bullseye and didn't even seem to put much effort into it. How long have you been doing this?"

"A while, like I've said, it's something I benefit from knowing. Also, do note that when doing actual practice, I use further away targets. This is just to get you used to shooting, so it isn't that impressive in reality"

"Well, it looked impressive at least. So should I try now?"

"Make sure you are standing at the line and take your stance before putting the arrow in. Once I am sure you've got it right, you can try shooting"

Kirika gives an enthusiastic nod before doing what Homura showed her. Homura does need to make a couple of corrections that Kirika makes without complaint, but overall, Kirika gets it down quickly.

Then Kirika actually puts the arrow in the bow and readies herself to fire.

In that moment, Kirika looks so like Madoka. Her face with the expression of focus she always had when making a hard shot against a witch. Her stance, the slight smile she has, the way her fingers curl around the bow string.

Even though Kirika isn't even in her magical girl costume, it does nothing to reduce the resemblance that takes Homura's breath away. Her mind flashing with all the times in those early timelines that Madoka looked exactly like this.

The moment arrives, and Madoka fires, the arrow hitting the red circle on the target. An impressive first shot, were Homura paying attention to that rather than Kirika.

Kirika turns to Homura, "So how did I do. It was only a first attempt, and you said this isn't as far away as your usual targets, but I don't think I did too badly, since I managed to hit it"

Homura blinks and shakes her head. Kirika, not Madoka. "It was well done for a first attempt, better than mine certainly" When Homura first started using an actual bow, she missed her first few shots entirely.

The bow was never meant to be her weapon after all. It always will belong to Madoka first and foremost. Homura is simply borrowing her strength.

"Thanks, you gave pretty clear instructions, and I just did what I saw you do. So assuming that wasn't a fluke, it seems like I was right about you being a good teacher"

"In this case, I believe it more that you are simply a good student"

Something that is proven, as Kirika seems to only improve with her next few shots. Before, there is a pause in firing so people can collect their arrows.

Every time Kirika shoots, it only furthers the resemblance between her and Madoka. Even if it is not the weapon she holds as a magical girl, Kirika has an undeniable aptitude for the weapon. Far more so than Homura.

By the time their chance to practise ends, Kirika has made more progress in hours than Homura did over her first week of using the bow. More than that though, Kirika truly seems to enjoy the practice. An easy smile on her face, and her eyes almost sparkling as she fires her bow, making sure to intersperse attempts to talk to Homura about how she's doing or what it was like when she first started archery as she goes.

How Homura manages to get through the time without saying something Kirika would have no context for or needing to excuse herself to try and get over the feeling of familiarity that seems to pulse with every beat of her heart, she isn't quite sure.

Homura tries to ignore the fact that this will be all future archery practices now that Kirika has shown a love of the sport. She isn't sure if she should be incredibly glad or horrified about that fact. Kirika's presence when she's doing things that fit Madoka is unbearable, yet at the same time, it is the closest Homura has gotten to seeing the person she loves since this world was remade.

After the archery ends, Homura and Kirika quickly find a miasma. Since Kirika needs the experience, Homura lets Kirika do most of the fighting while she keeps overwatch and kills anything that looks like it might actually risk Kirika. Something she thankfully doesn't have to do much at this point, now Kirika is used to fighting.

Once most of the wraiths are wiped out, Kirika goes to Homura's position so they can find the last ones and finish clearing the miasma.

"Your bow fires bolts of magical energy, right?" Kirika asks as the two walk towards where they can sense the most stragglers.

"Yes, there is no physical object; the string and arrows are both made of my magic"

"Do you think mine would work?"

"What do you mean?" Homura looks at Kirika in question.

"Well, my magical energy is kinda freeform, even if it's easiest to just use it to enhance my claws, but I bet I could make a string and bolt with it. Even if it wouldn't be very efficient"

"You have only had a few hours practise at archery" Homura points out.

"I know, I'm not expecting to hit anything. I'm just curious if I could even use your bow, or if it only accepts magic from you?" Kirika asks.

"Would you like to try?" Homura knows it's a mistake as soon as she says the words, but finds it impossible to backtrack. Kirika is not Madoka; Homura's bow is a gift from the Madoka who is now a concept. It is not something that should ever be shared, yet Homura finds herself passing it over to Kirika anyway. Who accepts it almost reverently.

Then with an effort of will, a string of pink energy forms between the ends of the bow and an arrow of energy forms in its middle. Madoka takes the stance that is so familiar to Homura, a glint of determination in her eye as she takes aim at a wraith.

The bolt flies true, and a wraith is pierced, dispersing it into nothingness.

Kirika gets a blinding smile, "I hit! I mean, I'll never be as good as you with it, and my magic isn't really made for it, but still. Thank you for letting me try. It's an incredible weapon"

How is Homura even meant to react to that? Not able to think of a good response, Homura just accepts the bow back, "You are welcome, Madoka" The slip isn't something Homura even notices until she finds that she has stepped forward without Kirika following her.

"What did you say?" Kirika's voice makes her confusion clear.

Homura blinks, "You are welcome, Kirika. Was there something else you expected me to say? I suppose I should have commented on your shooting; it was well done"

"No, you said a different name, you called me Madoka", Kirika points out.

"I... Did I?" Homura has to hold back from cringing; she's managed to avoid mixing up Kirika and Madoka so far, but seeing Kirika using Madoka's bow, it crossed some wires that shouldn't have been.

"That's not the first time this has happened. I swear I've heard you start to say her name before switching to mine other times too," Kirika points out.

Homura finds herself frozen; this wasn't supposed to happen. Kirika isn't Madoka. Homura reminds herself of this constantly, yet somehow, she has still managed to project her desires onto a real person. How pathetic of her.

"Who is she?" Rather than accusatory, Kirika's voice is gentle, the words soft.

"My best friend", Homura barely gets out her response, having to put most of her focus into not breaking down now she's been confronted with just what she's been doing. Trying to fit Kirika into that hole in her heart, even when no one could ever even begin to replace Madoka. No one ever should.

"What happened to her?" The words are still soft, still gentle. Kirika's tone is kind, it hurts so much more because of that.

"The law of cycles" It's the truest answer she can give. Even if Kirika is unlikely to interpret that as Madoka being the law of cycles as opposed to being taken by it. Normally, Homura would not be shy about sharing that truth, but with Kirika, Homura's not sure if she could bear to have the same disbelief that Mami or Kyouko hold for Madoka shown to her.

"I'm sorry. Do I remind you of her?"

"You do, in so many ways. I'm sorry, you aren't her. It's not fair to compare you two. It's outright wrong of me to see her in you. I'm just, I don't know what I am without her. As pitiful as I know that is," This is way too honest. Though perhaps that will finally push Kirika away. It would probably be for the best. No one deserves to have Homura inflicted upon them.

"You really cared about her, didn't you?" Kirika says, closing her arms around Homura in a hug that Homura sinks into despite herself.

"More than anything", Homura admits, the beginning of tears gathering in her eyes.

"Then I'll take the comparison as a compliment. I'm not her. I don't think I can be someone I'm not, but you need a friend, and I can be that. I can't ever replace who you've lost or stop you grieving them. I wouldn't want to, but you deserve to be happy too. And if Madoka was anything like me, she would think the same thing. So I don't mind, I don't blame you for the comparison. I just want to help, if you'll let me" Kirika's words are a soft caress, the kindness in them as painful as it is comforting.

"I'm sorry, Madoka" The words are a whisper, but Kirika's close enough that Homura's sure that she heard them anyway. Homura's not even sure who the words are for, the person holding her, or the god whose wish she is sworn to protect.

"It's ok", a voice that sounds so much like Madoka's replies. With her eyes closed, Homura can pretend for a moment that it really is her. That she hasn't failed so utterly that Madoka no longer even exists as a person.

But when that is true. How can anything ever be ok?

Notes:

So, Homura may not be in the healthiest emotional state. It comes with living because she believes it's the will of her goddess rather than because she wants to.

Kirika does want to help though, if she can.

Chapter 4: She's the one who matters, not me.

Summary:

Some aftermath of Homura and Kirika's talk. Also, a conversation with Mami.

After Homura's breakdown, Kirika and Homura do eventually finish off the wraiths in the miasma. Even if Homura does it in utter silence and Kirika can tell she is only just holding herself together.

Still, once the miasma is cleared out, it's just Kirika and Homura, with nothing to distract from the conversation they just had.

Kirika knew perfectly well Homura wasn't ok. But she had assumed she was in a holding pattern if nothing else. Now Kirika isn't so sure. Whoever Madoka was to Homura, she was obviously the most important thing to her, bar none. And in some way, Kirika reminds her of Madoka.

Kirika isn't sure in what way. Based on the stumble when Homura first saw her, it could be that she looks similar? Or it could be that Madoka expressed similar sentiments to Kirika about what being a magical girl should be, as opposed to Homura's less optimistic outlook? considering the first slip-up of Homura's that Kirika noticed was when she expressed that sentiment, talking about magical girls. It could also maybe be that Madoka was also an archer? Considering how intently Homura seemed to focus on her during archery, and that she only called Kirika Madoka after shooting with Homura's bow. Or even something Kirika just hasn't thought of?

Whatever the case, something about Kirika must remind Homura of a person who was dear to her. Kirika's not sure what to think of that.

On one hand, maybe that's why Homura is willing to stick with Kirika, even though she seems like a loner with everyone else? If so, it could kinda be a good thing. Since it means maybe Kirika has a chance of getting Homura to a better place that should wouldn't have without that inadvertent familiarity.

On the other hand, not only does relying on seeming like someone's dead friend feel kinda awful and manipulative. It also just kinda hurts. Since Erika, who Kirika is sure had some reason to do what she did, but that doesn't change what that betrayal did to Kirika. Kirika hasn't really had many, or rather any, friends.

So in a way, it felt really nice for Homura to seem to take an interest back in Kirika. It felt like Kirika's attempts to be kind and get to know people actually were working for the first time ever. As opposed to the bleakness she's kinda been used to. Not that Kirika's pessimistic, she knows she can make friends, even if she hasn't really until now.

Besides, even if she can't, it's what she does that matters. If Kirika can be a good magical girl, can help people, can save people. That means what she does matters. It means she exists. Rather than just being a ghost. As long as Kirika's always nice, always kind, as long as she's doing something of value, it means she has reason to feel good about herself. Even if no one else does. Even if sometimes, she's included in that everyone else.

So learning that Homura probably really does like her because she basically is a ghost, as far as Homura is concerned, at least. It's, it's not great, but that doesn't matter. Homura is hurting so much more than Kirika is. Than she ever has. Compared to that, a little pain or inadequacy means nothing. Homura needs someone, or she's going to spiral, and no one will be able to pull her out.

So what if Kirika is only able to be her friend because she reminds Homura of her other friend, who actually mattered to her? So what if she's just a replacement? A pale imitation? If that lets her matter to Homura, if that lets her help her, then it's for the best.

It's like Kirika told Homura when she asked why she became a magical girl. Kirika's nothing special, no real talent or friends, no real family or good looks. So really, it's not a surprise that Kirika isn't really Homura's friend by her own merits.

If Homura really does want Madoka, rather than Kirika. That's fine, it's not like Kirika really likes herself anyway. For the first time in her life, she has a purpose, something she's doing that is good in a way that really helps people. So she'll be who Homura needs for as long as it takes to get her past the precipice. For as long as it takes for Homura to be able to live for her own sake, rather than for a ghost.

"You doing ok, Homura? I know that whole conversation was kinda heavy" Homura's not going to start talking, and there is no way Kirika's leaving her alone after that. So it's down to Kirika to try to get her to open up a bit.

"It's no issue. I apologise for my behaviour, it was probably distressing for you to see me act like that," Homura says, her voice tired.

"Don't apologise! I know you're the veteran magical girl, but I'm your friend. Or I'd like to think I am anyway. So maybe I can't protect you from wraiths, or beat you at archery or be as good as you in academics. But I can listen to you. And I can support you. That is something I want to do. Like I said, I don't mind the comparison, or about reminding you of your best friend. I don't mind being a shoulder to cry on if you need one. I think everyone needs someone like that. So I don't mind at all that you're human and have emotions. Everyone does, I wouldn't be ok after losing someone like that, so it's fine if you aren't yet either"

"I'm not human. I gave that up when I became a magical girl," Homura retorts weakly.

Kirika steps closer to Homura and puts a hand on her chest "If you're not human, then why does your heart still beat? Why do you still feel so strongly that you can love someone even after they're gone? Why is it that when you eat those bentos I make you, you always smile, even if you hide it? Of course, you're human Homura, Kyubey can't take that away from you. No one can"

"Why?" Homura looks at Kirika with a gaze that shows so much pain that Kirika so wishes she could take some of that for herself so Homura would suffer less.

"Why what?"

"Why do you care so much?" Homura is unable to suppress the emotions in the words. The sadness, the loneliness, that part of her that so loudly screams that she's not worth it, that she doesn't deserve kindness.

"Why wouldn't I? You're my friend and a good person, Homura. You protected me that first day I stumbled against the wraiths. Have helped me learn how to be a magical girl. Spend so much of your time protecting people. You even taught me your hobby. Even if you don't show it much, you obviously feel a lot. I know that not being treated well hurts. So who would I be if I didn't repay all that good you do with kindness? When you obviously deserve so much of it"

"I deserve nothing" Homura's words are bitter, though obviously aimed at herself.

"Ok, if you say so. But I'm going to treat my friend with kindness anyway. Because I care about her, and so what she deserves doesn't matter. Because what matters is what I want to give her, not what I should"

Homura sighs, before the strength seems to leave her.

"Thank you, Madoka. I'm sorry about all of this. And for doubting you. I'm going to head home, so see you tomorrow"

"See you tomorrow, Homura. Make sure to text me when you get back" Kirika says with a smile, killing any part of her that wants to react to the name. If Kirika hurts Homura, even with so much as a slight facial reaction, after that conversation. She will never forgive herself.

"Ok Kirika, I will", Homura promises.

"Great. See you!"

As much as Homura still doesn't seem to be in the best emotional state, Kirika does trust her to get home and take care of herself (by Homura's standards, anyway). The two of them gathered a lot of grief cubes from today's hunt, and as usual, split them evenly. Which means that Homura should not be at risk magically either.

Kirika's smile doesn't start to slip until she's far enough away from Homura that she knows she's not being watched.

"I wonder why it hurts?" It's a rhetorical question, not really asked to anyone. Yet Kirika can't deny that being a replacement does hurt, even if she can never let that show.

It shouldn't really. This is still more than Kirika's ever meant to someone before. Being a magical girl is amazing. She has a friend, she has a hobby she's doing with said friend that Kirika is at least marginally talented at. She has the motivation to buy and make food for herself and Homura for lunch every day, despite the fact she couldn't be bothered to do that for just herself. Kirika is doing so many things that she not only enjoys, but are doing real good.

This is the best she's ever had.

So it really shouldn't hurt at all.

"Guess I'm a hypocrite", Offering her shoulder to cry on for Homura, knowing she won't share her own pains or troubles. Not when it could mean burdening someone who's hurting so much, even the slightest bit more.

Kirika's ok being a hypocrite though, as long as it helps Homura heal.

Kirika's phone buzzes.

'I'm home'

She smiles. That is what this is for. That is what makes it worth it.

'Great, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow (*^_^*)'

'You too Kirika'

Yeah, she doesn't regret a thing.

 

_____________________________________________________

 

As she sits down for lunch, Mami watches as Homura sits down next to a pink haired girl who gets out food for both herself and Homura.

It's an intresting development.

Homura's always been a bit of an odd one out in the Mitakihara scene. A veteran, but very much a loner. Willing to cooperate with Mami and Kyouko during particularly daughting miasma's but also studiously anti-social aside from that.

Mami has seen, in the few times boys have been brave enough to approach her, that Homura dismisses them without a second thought. When girls try to be friends with her, Homura mostly seems to ignore them until they give up. So it's not a magical girl thing, Homura just doesn't seem one for connections.

Mami supposes it's not the oddest thing for an experienced magical girl. You don't stay in this business for long without your share of traumas and hangups. Mami would intervene, but Homura obviously has never wanted the help. So Mami's obeyed her preferences.

Homura is a good magical girl who isn't combative or malicious. So even if she's weirdly religious about the law of cycles and isn't social, it's not really an issue.

It does make it a curiosity when she suddenly becomes close with someone though. If for no other reason than getting through the walls Homura puts up is an achievement beyond what Mami can manage. So whoever that pink haired girl is must be quite someone to get Homura to lower her guard.

Mami doesn't pay the development too much attention. She doubts Homura will appreciate nosyness. So quickly goes back to chatting with some of the acquaintances she has at school. Making a note to ask Homura about it later. Mainly just to check if Homura's friend is a magical girl or not.

Now, Mami supposes she could follow Homura or the other girl after school to see if they go to a miasma. But that would be rude, not to mention an invasion of privacy.

Instead, Mami simply texts Homura asking to meet up to discuss any updates on the situation as magical girls.

Even if they aren't really friends, to Mami's disappointment. They do still work together occasionally, and both of them are committed to fighting wraiths. So they do meet up occasionally to exchange intel.

Besides, Mami is overdue one of these with her anyway. She and Kyouko haven't managed to hunt down that massive wraith that was part of what did Sayaka in yet. So, making sure to warn Homura of that is more than good enough of a reason to call for a meeting.

They arrange a meet up for coffee on Thursday, and Mami's opportunity to inform Homura of that wraith, and ask about Homura's new friend. Is settled.

Mami gets to the meeting spot a few minutes early to order herself a drink and a slice of cake. Homura is always perfectly punctual, so it's no surprise when she arrives, getting herself a black coffee before sitting down.

"Good afternoon, Tomoe", Homura says as she takes a seat.

"Good afternoon, Akemi. It's nice to see you"

"We do pass each other in the halls in school regularly", Homura points out.

"I know, but it's not the same as a real conversation"

"I suppose. I presume you have something to discuss if you've called me here?" Homura asks, moving straight to business like usual.

"Two things. Well, more like one thing and a question"

"I see, go on"

"First, I have noticed you've made friends with someone at school. So I must ask, is she a mundane friend, or a magical girl?"

Homura's lips thin into a line "She is a magical girl whom I've decided to mentor" Homura's voice is entirely flat.

"I didn't take you for the mentoring type", Mami points out.

"I'm not"

"And yet, here you are. So, if I can ask, what's so special about her?"

"You may not", Homura replies, shutting that down swiftly. There is a look in Homura's eye that gives Mami the sense that she won't achieve anything good by pushing. So she changes track.

"Can I at least introduce myself to her? I always like to know the magical girls operating in the city"

Homura sighs, "I suppose I cannot stop you"

"She does go to the same school as us. Though I would rather introduce myself and Kyouko as magical girls, rather than sneaking up on her as a schoolmate. So could you set up a meeting?"

"Give me a moment" Homura takes out her phone and types something. Getting a response moments later.

"She can do Sunday. I would rather we meet up somewhere like this as civilians rather than going out to a miasma together," Homura requests.

"That's no issue. Though I would like to see the person who's caught your eye in action at some point"

"You can. Though warn Kyouko not to try testing her, if she tries, Kirika won't be the person she will end up fighting" This once again is said in an ice cold tone.

Homura is really protective of this person. When Kyouko and Sayaka were fighting, Homura seemed entirely apathetic to the conflict. So it's not just her having an issue with a veteran bullying a newbie. Whoever Kirika is, she matters to Homura.

"Kirika, did you say?"

"Kure Kirika", Homura elaborates.

"I see. I look forward to meeting her then. It's always nice to meet new magical girls. Well, most of the time," It's less than fun having to run invaders who want to poach her territory out of town. But she doubts that whoever Homura is mentoring is that kind of girl.

"I believe you had something you wanted to bring up?" Homura replies. Seemingly more comfortable changing the subject. Rather than talking about her mentee.

"Kyouko and I have been hunting a more threatening than normal wraith. It seems to have its own miasma and is far stronger and larger than any of the types I've faced before"

"I see. Are you requesting support hunting it?"

"So far, we've been hunting it alone, but it has evaded Kyouko and me so far. I will warn you, it is rather threatening. We were hunting it before Sayaka got taken by the Law of Cycles," Mami explains.

Homura's eyes narrow "I see. Something like that shouldn't be allowed to roam"

"So are you willing to support us against it?" It is currently in Mami and Kyouko's side of the city, as far as the areas they normally patrol. But those are rough borders at best and not really enforced. Still, the invitation is worth stating rather than just implying.

"It has to be dealt with", Homura replies, which seems like answer enough.

"It does. Though I suppose if we're going to be working with you, it should be after we meet Miss Kure"

"What exactly are its abilities?" Homura asks, rather than answering the question.

Mami gives the best explanation she can, mentioning its aura of cold, large size, great durability and the strong miasma it creates around itself.

"I see. Thank you for the information, Tomoe. We will talk further on Sunday. We can agree on the exact time and location over text"

"I suppose you have no interest in exchanging pleasantries?" Mami asks, like she doesn't have to practically pin Homura down if she wants to have any actual conversation with her.

"I believe you get more enjoyment exchanging those with Sakura than me"

Mami sighs, "I suppose I cannot keep you. Stay safe, Akemi"

"You as well, Tomoe" With that, Homura finishes her coffee and leaves.

Kirika must be something special indeed if she's gotten Homura to willingly spend time on her. Mami can't wait to meet her.

Notes:

So here we get to see the other side of the equation. Kirika and Madoka's traits have kinda merged together a bit, leaving someone who has a very healthy and self-respecting mental state. When you combine Madoka's propensity for self-sacrifice and Kirika's tendency to fixate, it can only do good things, I'm sure.

Also, Mami arrives with some actual plot.

Chapter 5: Why must my heart be so weak?

Summary:

Homura talks about next Sunday with Kirika.

After the incident, Homura puts even more effort into distinguishing between Kirika and Madoka. Her slips on Monday were entirely unacceptable. Not to mention probably uncomfortable for Kirika, even if she refused to react with anything aside from kindness.

It doesn't really work.

Tuesday has archery again. Something that is awful for distinguishing between the two, because there is almost nowhere that Kirika seems more like Madoka than with a bow in her hands. Especially now she's shot Homura's bow, Madoka's bow.

As Kirika gets increasingly confident and skilled with the bow, she only comes to resemble Homura's memories of Madoka more. Especially since Homura can't see her shoot without thinking back to a pink string across a wooden bow and a bolt of pink light that banished a wraith. No different at all from the many familiars and witches Madoka banished the same way.

Giving Kirika her bow was a mistake, because seeing her in a costume so close to Madoka's, weilding a bow that is almost indistinguishable from Madoka's while using Madoka's magic. It's a memory that refuses to leave. Making Kirika's already pronounced similarities to Madoka even more impossible to ignore.

More than once, Homura has considered turning her magic on herself. Clouding over or changing that memory to reduce the resemblance, to disguise Homura's weakness under her magic. Yet she cannot bring herself to.

The action Kirika took, and the words she shared afterwards, have lodged themselves too deeply in Homura. They struck too close to the heart. For all she's tried to discard her weakness, Homura really hasn't changed a bit. She just puts up a better front.

Homura has always yearned for Madoka's presence. She has every second since the end of the old world. So is it any surprise that when someone shows her that exact same kindness, when they give her all the things Madoka once did, that Homura finds it hard to resist.

Yet the way Kirika warms Homura with her presence. The way she soothes Homura with her words. The way she shifts the rhythm of Homura's heart. It is an unforgivable sin.

Because it means that Homura's loyalty to Madoka must in some way be hollow. Something that could be usurped, something that could shift, something that is anything other than inevitable and eternal.

The only real comfort against that is that Kirika is so similar to Madoka, that it is easy to say she is just an echo of the divine. That it cannot be a betrayal of her love for Madoka to feel something similar towards someone so obviously formed in her image.

But what sinner doesn't excuse their own sin with justifications?

Kirika isn't Madoka, but she's close enough that if Homura has a single lapse of attention, she finds it far too easy to sink into the comfort of Madoka's presence, even in its absence.

It's not hard to resist despair. Homura has spent most of her life shapening her sense of purpose to the extent that she finds it easy to ignore any doubts she may have had about her mission.

Resisting contentment is much harder.

Especially when Kirika is determined to try and be everything Homura could want of someone so, so near to who she is.

She's accepting of all of Homura's faults, willing to comfort her even at her weakest, happy to be Homura's friend despite how little Homura reciprocates. She's a perfect partner fighting wraiths, always filling in wherever Homura isn't. Homura doesn't think Kirika loves her, but she cares; she cares so very deeply that if Homura lets herself sink into that care, she will be plunging into an abyss that seems bottomless.

Kirika perfectly fills in the absence Madoka left. That's the problem.

Thursday provides a distraction from the thoughts and feelings that Homura finds impossible to suppress. Hunting the wraith that killed Sayaka is something that Homura can and should do. It's a fulfilment of the duty Homura took up after Madoka's wish. To protect this world from the emptiness the wraiths spread. Slaying the being that ended Sayaka can only be an action of good.

Though before that, Homura finds herself needing to talk to Kirika about Sunday. Homura always knew that Kirika would meet the city's other two magical girls eventually. But Mami noticing Kirika's presence still snuck up on Homura.

Which is why, after their hunting on Thursday. Rather than going their separate ways, Homura asks if Kirika would like to come over to hers.

"Would you like anything to drink?" Homura asks for the second time.

"Do you have anything in?"

"I bought some hot chocolate mix" The reason why Homura bought a sweet hot drink that she has no interest in drinking herself need not be said.

"Oh, that sounds nice. Thanks Homura"

Homura boils the kettle before pouring Kirika's hot chocolate and some black coffee for herself. Putting them on the tea table she has, before settling down on the sofa next to Kirika.

"Sadly, I didn't just ask you to come over for a social call", Homura begins. If she's going to talk about Mami and Kyouko, she feels much more comfortable doing so in her home than at school or a miasama.

"I'm sorry to say Homura, but I kinda guessed. I mean, I would love it if you did invite me over just to hang out. But I'd be surprised if you did. Though saying that, I should invite you over to mine at some point to actually hang out. Honestly, I'm not sure why I haven't yet," Kirika muses.

"Perhaps at a later date. For now, though, we need to discuss Sunday"

"That's the day you asked if I'd be free in the afternoon, you going to go over what that was for now?" Kirika asks with obvious interest.

"If you are up for it. You will be meeting Tomoe Mami and Sakura Kyouko"

"The other two magical girls? So I've finally met your expectation of being experienced enough to meet them, then?" There is a little bit of excitement in Kirika's tone.

"You have, I would say you still should avoid any fights, but somehow I doubt you will have any trouble with that" Unless Kyouko entirely ignores her warning to Mami, Homura highly doubts that Kirika will say anything to provoke either of them.

Madoka always got along well with those two. Not that Kirika is Madoka, but at the same time, it's hard not to compare.

"If possible, I would rather only use my claws on wraiths. So yeah, no fighting," Kirika agrees without issue. Homura would have been shocked if she didn't.

"Sakura Kyouko will likely try to bait you a bit to get your measure. So expect some rudeness from her, even if Tomoe Mami is likely to be polite"

"Ok, I can deal with rudeness"

"I know. Still, it is better to in in prepared"

"Don't worry. I'll make sure to put my best foot forward. You've done a lot to teach and help me since I started as a magical girl, so the last thing I want is to make you look bad by proxy," Kirika reassures.

"It is not appearances that I am worried about" It's that Kyouko and Mami are much better examples of the type of magical girl that Madoka's always been a fan of than Homura is. Not to mention, Mami is likely a better teacher than Homura.

Not that Madoka would ever abandon Homura. She's much too kind for that. But Homura can easily see herself fading into the background once Kirika has some actual friends worth the word.

Though really, Homura should see that as a good thing. With Kirika being taken care of, Homura can go back to her task of protecting Madoka's world without distraction. If only that thought didn't fill Homura with a level of dread that makes enjoying the thought entirely impossible.

"I know, you're worried about how I will handle it. You're rather protective when it comes to me. But you don't need to, trust in how far I've come, ok?"

Homura supposes she hasn't been the most subtle with that.

"I trust you", Homura confirms.

"Good. And I know that if anything goes wrong, you'll be right there, so I'm not worried. Even if I will be careful"

"You shouldn't trust other magical girls to have your best interests at heart", Homura points out.

"I know, I don't. I fully expect Tomoe and Kyouko to want their own things, even if I hope I can get on with them. What I do trust is that even if no one else does, you do" Kirika smiles at Homura, still giving her way too much trust.

"Ma- Kirika, you shouldn't have so much faith in me" Homura almost slips up again. Why must Kirika look at her like that? Giving her the same trust that Madoka did so many times before Homura failed her.

"So you're planning to let me get hurt if anything happens?" Kirika asks innocently.

"Of course not!" If Homura does, she's failed as a person.

Kirika giggles slightly "See, that's why I trust you. It's not that I think you can protect me from everything, but I can protect myself, too. So I just trust that us two together can take on what the world throws at us"

"You shouldn't" There is a reason Homura's weapon is no longer a shield in this timeline. She's already failed to protect the thing that matters.

"Because you lost Madoka?" Kirika cuts directly to the heart of the issue. The bluntness leaves Homura reeling for a moment before she regains herself.

"Yes, because I've already shown I cannot protect what I care about"

"I don't think that's how that works. When you first told me about being a magical girl, you were really sure to drill me not to go out in heroics or a blaze of glory. Is that what happened to her?" Kirika asks.

"She gave her life to save people. Can you honestly say you wouldn't do the same?" Madoka is always too willing to sacrifice herself.

"I would, but that's exactly why I won't", Kirika replies.

"What does that even mean?"

"That if I did that, no matter who I saved, I would be failing to save you. Of course, I'll always do my best; I won't just cower when people are in danger. But I know how much losing me would hurt you. So I won't sacrifice myself, not when you would be the one to suffer for it"

Homura wants to believe that, she truly does. Yet when she's seen Madoka give her life so many times. It's hard to trust that this time will be the exception. Especially now that there are no do-overs.

"I will hold you to that", Homura says, like that means anything. Homura can't hold a dead person accountable.

"Do, I don't want you to have to go through anything like that pain ever again" Kirika sounds so sincere that Homura wants to believe her. Even if the past has made Homura wary of optimism.

"Thank you, Kirika"

"Could you tell me about her?"

"Madoka?"

"Yeah, you've mentioned I remind you of her a bit, but I don't see any pictures of her around here, and I don't know what she was like. But she was obviously important to you, so I'd like to know more"

Homura pauses. How can she possibly describe Madoka? Especially to Kirika of all people.

"She is good. I think that's the word I would use. She is kind, generous, and always tried to help people. She's self sacrificing to a fault, never really got just how important she is and is my best friend. I owe most of who I am to her" None of that even scratches the surface, not to mention what Madoka is now.

"Sounds like you really care about her, even now", Kirika points out.

"I do. I don't think I will ever stop caring about her" And if she does, then that means Homura deserves to be taken by the law of cycles. A version of her who doesn't care for Madoka isn't a version of her that deserves to continue existing.

"Could you show me her?" Kirika asks, to Homura's confusion.

"You already noted I don't have any photos. So that is easier said than done," Homura points out. The only piece of evidence Homura has of Madoka's existence is her ribbon.

"Yeah, but couldn't you use your magic?" Kirika replies, something that takes a few moments for Homura to even think through.

"You mean, what. Showing you a memory of her?"

"If you want to? I get if that seems way too personal, though"

"You would allow me to modify your memory for that?"

"I mean, it's just adding something, if your magic can do that anyway. I trusted you to help me find my wish, so why'd this be any different?"

On one hand, if she did this, it would mean that Homura would no longer be the only person to remember Madoka. Even if it would be second hand from Kirika's perspective.

On the other, is Homura really willing to share any moment of hers that's that personal?

Homura has in the past considered the idea of showing people Madoka, proving to them that she is the one they owe for the law of cycles. In the end however, even if it would mean she would no longer be the only person to give Madoka the credit she deserves, it would also be wrong. Madoka has never desired worship and would certainly frown on non-consensual memory modification for her sake.

Though this time, Homura has Kirika's consent. Kirika wants to know of Madoka, the person, not the god. Homura's friend.

Is it wrong for Homura to want one other person who knows that Homura's best friend is more than a piece of fiction.

"Ok" She finally decides.

"You will?"

"Yes, though this will probably be a little strange for you, since I will be adding a memory rather than changing anything. Say if anything feels wrong after" Is this really ok? Would it stop Homura if it wasn't?

"Thank you Homura. For being willing to share this with me"

"You ready?"

Kirika nods

Homura calls upon her magic and reaches for a memory of Madoka.

After some consideration, she settles on a moment she is fond of during a timeline that was mostly peaceful and pleasant aside from its sudden and violent end when a mad prophet and her pet witch attacked the school and killed Madoka. Though thankfully, they never reappeared in any timeline after that.

Homura and Madoka are sitting on a bench in the park. Most of the time when hanging out with Madoka, Sayaka and Hitomi are also around, but today Sayaka is visiting Kyosuke, and Hitomi has piano practice. Leaving Homura and Madoka to spend the day together.

"You know, I never did quite work out why you decided to approach me to make friends with. You were popular enough when you transferred in that you probably could have joined any friend group you wanted," Madoka asks, though thankfully it seems out of genuine interest rather than self depreciation.

"Partially because of that, actually. I don't particularly care to be friends with people who only value me for my looks or academics. Being friends with you isn't a transaction. I prize that sincerity" Madoka after all cared for Homura long before the traits that make her appealing to anyone else formed. Her's is a friendship that does not ask Homura to change herself for it. That is the reason that Homura is willing to change anything about herself so long as she can repay that kindness. Madoka deserves no less.

"That's kind of you to say. Though considering how much you've helped me and Sayaka with exams, I kinda feel like I have been taking advantage of your academics a bit," Madoka points out.

"I was the one who offered, if you remember"

"I know, I'm really grateful for that too. I'm pretty sure Sayaka would have had to retake if you didn't help"

"It would have been easier for her if you didn't need to drag her to the revision sessions", Homura points out.

Madoka laughs, "I think she was just scared of the fact they were all on the subjects she doesn't like. Still, she did put in the work when she got there"

"I suppose I can't fault her that", Homura agrees.

"It's been really nice to have you around, you know. I love Sayaka and Hitomi, but Sayaka has Kyosuke, and Hitomi always has some posh person thing. So it makes me happy to still have someone around"

"I'm glad too. Sometimes, even when I'm with a group, I still feel alone. But when I'm with you, I never do. I treasure that"

Madoka blushes slightly "I'm happy I matter that much to you. Though if Sayaka or Hitomi are leaving you feeling left out, I can give them a talking to," Madoka offers.

"No, that's not it. I suppose I just feel comfortable with you, is all"

"I feel comfortable with you too. You make me feel like I matter"

"Of course you matter, I can't think of anyone who matters more"

"You're too kind, Homura. But thank you"

"It's just the truth" Homura replies.

"If you were this nice to Sayaka, maybe you two wouldn't argue as much"

"I'm sure we would merely find new things to argue about"

"Yeah maybe, you two get on like a cat and a dog, I swear. Still, it wouldn't be the same without you there"

"I suppose I will just have to stick around in that case. Arguments or no"

"Please do. I hope we can be friends for a long time"

The two decend into a comfortable silence after that, just appreciating the birdsong and the flowers around them. Homura enjoying this rare moment with the person who means the world to her.

The memory ends, and Homura smiles as she thinks back to it. Even if it is tinged by melancholy due to how it ended. Moments like that with Madoka are things Homura prizes above all else.

Homura takes her magic back from Kirika.

"Huh, that didn't do anything?" Kirika notes.

"Try to think about Madoka"

"What do you. Oh, huh, that's weird"

"Is it uncomfortable in any way?" If this hurts Kirika Homura will make sure to remove the memory.

"No, not at all. It's just odd to be able to remember something that didn't happen to me. Especially from someone else's perspective. Though that does make it stand out pretty clearly from my other memories," Kirika notes.

"Good" That's a relief.

"You really cared about each other"

"We did" There is no one Homura could possibly care about more.

"I guess I can see the resemblance between me and her. I think she pulls it off slightly better though. Do you think ribbons would work with my hair, or is that just a you and her thing?" Somehow, Kirika has low self-esteem comparing herself to Madoka. It would be funny if it weren't slightly sad.

"Would you like to try them? I think I have a few purple ones" Now this is another awful idea. Anything that makes Kirika look even slightly more like Madoka should be avoided at all possible costs. Sadly, Homura gets the sense that if she said no, that would hurt Kirika, and that's enough for her to ignore her better judgment.

"Sure, can you do them though. I don't really know how to," Kirika admits.

"It's fairly simple. I can show you" Homura offers. She's already made the bad decision. May as well commit.

It's not hard to find the ribbons she used to use back when she still braided her hair a long, long time ago. Nor is it hard to do Kirika's hair in Madoka's style. Honestly, their hair is a similar length, and the front is styled similarly already, so all Homura really needs to do is the ribbons on the sides.

Then she steps back and looks at Mado Kirika with absolute certainty that this was a mistake. Even if it didn't distinguish them too much, Kirika's hair was a distinct difference from Madoka. Now the only separation there is the fact the ribbons are purple. It suits her perfectly. It suited Madoka perfectly too.

This was a mistake.

While Homura has said thoughts, Kirika checks a mirror. "You did those really well. It's nice, makes my hair look like a bit less of a mess. Thanks Homura"

"You're welcome" Homura replies, trying to ignore that this will make everything so much harder.

"Do you think the style works or should I try to find something else?" Kirika asks Homura, slightly nervously.

Now, Homura has a very easy way out of this, she just needs to say that Kirika doesn't pull it off, and she will never have to see even more of Madoka in Kirika's every moment.

"It... It looks nice" And like that, Homura is forced to acknowledge that she has no willpower. Though killing any number of witches or wraiths is easy compared to having to be mean to Madoka.

Kirika. Not Madoka. Kirika. The ribbons are purple.

"Thanks", Kirika's smile has real joy in it. Homura wonders if it will swallow her.

Notes:

Homura is doing fine. No crises of faith to see here.

What's the point of Homura having memory magic if not to do fun things with it that immediately backfire?

Chapter 6: I will do whatever it takes to see her happy

Summary:

Kirika considers the ramifications of the memory Homura gave her, and the two go hunting.

Kirika didn’t quite know what she was asking for when she asked for Homura to show her Madoka. Mainly because she assumed it would be the same as Homura letting Kirika see her own wish. That being that she just clearly and without question remembers what happened without much else standing out.

So Kirika was kinda expecting to just get a vision of a few seconds of Madoka so she could get a slight idea of who Homura used to care about and call it a day. Then maybe talk to Homura about her a bit to try and make Homura feel a bit better, or maybe come to terms with it a bit.

That is not what happened. Because it wasn’t Kirika’s memory, it was Homura’s. So, in remembering that from Homura, she got to remember it from Homura’s perspective.

Which meant she got to, just through that short memory, feel the sheer intensity of the love and care Homura held towards Madoka. The completed knots of want, need, yearning, love and dedication Homura felt toward her. Alongside the feelings of inadequacy, worry, anxiety and dread that surrounded those feelings. Like Homura knew with certainty that the wonder of that moment and every other one like it would be cut short, no matter how much she wanted it to go on forever.

Kirika knew Madoka was the most important thing to Homura in theory. Now she knows what that actually means.

As embarrassing as it is. Kirika underestimated the extent of Homura’s feelings. The idea of Homura coming to terms with losing someone like that is laughable. If Kirika lost Homura right now, it would be devastating, but what Kirika feels is laughable compared to that. It half makes her feel like she doesn’t care for Homura enough, knowing the sheer intensity of what Homura can feel, and the fact she hides all of it so effortlessly.

The fact Homura managed to survive losing someone like that makes her a stronger person than Kirika by far. But now Kirika has a slightly better understanding of why Homura’s struggling so much. The person she centred her world around is gone. The fact she’s still able and willing to go through the motions is a testament to Homura.

Kirika also learned a second thing. Why exactly Homura stumbled over herself when she saw Kirika the first time. Kirika doesn’t look exactly the same as that memory of Madoka, but if she were standing next to her, most people would probably assume they were sisters. It’s kinda uncanny.

It’s also probably the only reason Kirika’s been allowed as close to Homura’s heart as she has. Because when Madoka mentioned those other girls in the memory, there was a faint feeling of fondness and exasperation, but more than anything, there was a feeling of distance. A vast, impossible to cross distance. It also existed for Madoka slightly, but the other feelings bridged it. Kirika doubts any feelings less than the absolute devotion Homura feels towards Madoka can bridge that distance.

Which means Homura must feel alone constantly. Never able to connect to a single other person, other than the one person she saw as the only one whose feelings of care towards her mattered. Kirika is certain that if anyone tried to close that gap, Homura would push them away, utterly unwilling to open her heart to pain a second time, with someone who she can’t trust it with utterly. Someone like Madoka.

Which means Kirika is the only one with a chance. She’s the only one who can help Homura want to live again, rather than persisting for a memory.

It’s a lot, honestly. Kirika understands Homura better now, and that’s kinda terrifying, because if Kirika screws this up, then it will hurt Homura. It might even kill her, considering how magical girls work. So Kirika will do everything in her power to make sure she’s exactly who Homura needs.

For now, that’s probably Madoka, though hopefully at some point the feelings will transfer enough that Kirika just being herself is enough.

Kirika is trying to be as selfless about this as possible. Because whatever she does, it has to be for Homura, especially considering how much Kirika’s existence takes advantage of Homura’s heart. She could use Homura, her words could probably do much more to Homura than Kirika realised. Kirika refuses to do that. She needs to help Homura, not take advantage of her.

She has to commit herself to that utterly, because Kirika knows herself. She is, at heart, a very lonely girl. She has been for a long time. The idea of that level of devotion and love being aimed at her, at having a friend who will never leave her and never betray her. It’s intoxicating. Probably as much as it was for Homura when Madoka took notice of her, Kirika gets the sense Homura was also a very lonely girl back before Madoka (and after she her).

That can never be the purpose of what Kirika does. Kirika cannot ever be in this for herself. To do so would be a betrayal of Homura and of the feelings she holds for Madoka that Kirika is using. All of this must be to help Homura. To let her be happy again, in a way Kirika is certain she hasn’t been since she lost Madoka. Anything that’s reflected onto Kirika during that is not truly Kirika’s after all. It’s Madoka’s.

Kirika looks in the mirror as she gets ready for school, making sure the ribbons Homura gave her are on properly. Kirika really does like them, in a world where what happened yesterday didn’t occur, she almost certainly would have enjoyed this style anyway. It’s kinda a shame that isn’t the only reason she’s wearing them.

The real reason, of course, is Homura. Now, she wouldn’t do this without Homura’s consent, there’s a reason Kirika asked Homura’s opinion before committing to keeping them. But the fact remains that Homura finds it easier to be comfortable around Kirika when reminded of Madoka. So Kirika will try to be that for her.

Now she doesn’t really know Madoka’s personality, so she can only really act as herself, but so far that hasn’t hurt, so hopefully that’s ok. What Homura cared about with Madoka was that her kindness and care were sincere. That is something Kirika can do.

Because she really does owe Homura. For training her as a magical girl, for helping protect her, for being her friend and showing her a hobby that Kirika really does enjoy. Everything good in her life right now is either from Homura or, in the case of being a magical girl, connected to her. There is nothing untruthful about the fact that Kirika wants to help Homura heal. She wants Homura, with or without Kirika, to care about living.

That means eating for enjoyment rather than necessity. Doing hobbies and stuff for fun, rather than utility. Valuing herself as a person rather than just a magical girl, and generally just finding joy in the world. That ultimately is Kirika’s end goal. A Homura who can be content living.

Even if she’s sure that’s going to be a long process. Still, she has time. Homura is training her against wraiths for now, but eventually Kirika should be able to be a full partner there, which means she can help make that less risky for her. In the meantime, she’s already working on getting Homura off the bad habit of sustaining herself with magic. Though it’s possible Homura also does that at home, so you know, work in progress.

Hopefully, Kirika can have a few chances to hang out with Homura properly, maybe find a few games or stuff she likes. Kirika doesn’t really have any hobbies outside archery, so she can’t really get Homura to do more there, since she already did more than Kirika. Still, hopefully she can get Homura to focus more on enjoying it rather than just using it for practice.

Other than that, time will tell. Though hopefully, that meeting with the other magical girls on Sunday will go well. Homura getting on with more people she can relate to can only be a good thing. Even if Kirika doubts, she’ll really connect with them.

The fact Homura seemed to be friends with Madoka’s friends does mean that if Kirika can make friends with those two, hopefully it might get them to be actual friends with Homura. Which is good, since Kirika fully understands that only having one friend you rely on utterly is probably not perfectly healthy.

The fact that is her with Homura as much as it is Homura with her is true. But as long as she tries to do the best for Homura and helps her make other friends, that isn’t the worst thing. Nothing wrong with best friends, so long as they don’t stop you making other ones. Which Kirika will not do, no being possessive over Homura, she can do what she wants.

Aside from spend her entire life fighting wraiths until she rots away. Kirika’s vetoing that one.

As Kirika sits next to Homura at lunch, she can tell her hair is making Homura even more focused on her than normal. Still, hopefully, Homura will get used to it rather than making it a thing. Since Kirika wants Homura comfortable, rather than on edge, even if she knows Homura probably will take a couple days to grow used to the change.

Kirika takes out her and Homura’s lunch passing that one to her. Thankfully, at this point, Homura just accepts the food and enjoys it, rather than making a big deal out of it like the first couple of days when Kirika had to reassure Homura that she should eat it and that it isn’t an issue for Kirika to make it.

“Do say if you ever want me to make something specific by the way. I’ve kind of just been going by my own taste, since I don’t know yours, but if there’s anything you particularly like, I’m happy to do that,” Kirika offers. She doubts Homura will take up the offer yet, but she also wants to make things Homura actually likes, if only so Homura can get used to liking things again.

“I don’t favour anything in particular. You are already going through rather a lot of effort for my sake, no need to make things you don’t prefer,” Homura predictably replies.

“I mean, I can’t force you, but until you express some kind of preference, I will go through different meals every day. Since if you won’t tell me which ones you like, I have no choice but to try and discover it myself”

“There are only so many lunch worthy meals that you can bring to school” Homura points out.

“Exactly, and I’ll go through all of them until you express a preference. Everyone has opinions on this sort of thing, even if they don’t express them”

“I… I’m not entirely sure, it’s been a while since I’ve eaten for pleasure,” Homura admits.

“Ok then, I’ll go through things in that case. Say when you like something”

“I have enjoyed what you’ve made so far”, Homura points out.

“Good to know, I’ll keep them in the rotation in that case” Progress is sweet.

“Ok”, Homura looks away from Kirika and back to her lunch with a very slight blush.

The two eat in silence for a while after that before Homura finishes and decides to raise a new point.

“I have some hunting today that I would like to do without you”

“Huh, any particular reason why?”

“I am going to hunt the wraith that killed the last new magical girl in this city before you. I refuse to allow its presence, but it will be a risk for you to fight it”

“Won’t it also be a risk for you to fight alone?”

“I am confident in my proficiency”

“This old magical girl, was she weak?”

“She was effective at healing herself, but was not notably above average. Though she worked more closely with Tomoe and Sakura than me, so I didn’t witness the fight”

“Was she with them during that fight?”

“Yes”

“So you’re saying you want to fight a wraith that killed a magical girl while she was being supported by two allies, by yourself?” Kirika stares Homura in the eyes.

Homura looks away “I am capable enough that it shouldn’t be a major issue. I also have more information on that wraith than they did during the fight”

“Homura” Kirika puts as much disappointment into the name as she can.

“I understand the risks, Kirika. I am not being reckless”

“Yes, you are, you may not care about your life as much as you should, but I do. If you really need to hunt that wraith, then let me come with you, I won’t fight it, but no wraith travels alone and I can guard you and fight off the minor ones. If you think I won’t be safe doing that, then you certainly won’t be safe doing it by yourself”

“It wouldn’t be safe for you to come”

“Then it wouldn’t be for you either. I know I’m not up to your level yet, but I cover your weaknesses, I can defend against attacks and fight in close range. Your magic doesn’t do that. So if I won’t be safe defending you, then you won’t be safe without me there”

Homura looks conflicted, “Fine, you win, Madoka. Don’t you dare die”

Kirika doesn’t call Homura out, it’s ok, if it means Homura will value her own life, Kirika’s very happy being Madoka for her every now and then. “Don’t worry, I won’t, and you won’t either. I remember what you said, no playing hero, no blazes of glory. Just remember to apply that to yourself, ok”

“I know, I won’t risk myself. I promise,” Homura replies, much to Kirika’s relief.

Kirika leans over to Homura and hugs her, Homura stilling for a second before leaning into it. “I’ll hold you to that. I won’t forgive you if you die”

“I won’t. Same goes for you”

“Of course. If it gets too risky, we can retreat. No one to judge us but us. So we give killing that wraith our best shot and back off if the situation deteriorates,” Kirika proposes, no chance she lets Homura die hunting some oversized wraith.

“Agreed”

Kirika lets Homura go from the hug and sits up again.

“Now, tell me what you know about it, and we can make a plan of attack”

Homura spends the rest of lunch filling Kirika in on its abilities, and the two make a plan of attack.

After they finish school, the two begin their attack. Kirika can tell this is far denser than any normal miasma, and it’s thick with lesser wraiths, the one she and Homura are looking for not even visible at the beginning.

Still, Homura is an immensely skilled magical girl and synergises with her perfectly, ensuring that no wraith ever gets the chance to attack Homura while she obliterates all the further away ones with her bow.

Before long, the two clear a path forward, using the grief cubes the wraiths drop as they move forward to refresh their magic.

Finally, the greater wraith comes into view. Kirika feels it before she sees it. The air chills so much that it goes from warm to cold enough that Kirika can see her and Homura’s breath. The miasma thickens around them, making the air feel heavy. Then Kirika sees it in the distance.

It is shaped like a diamond, made up of three connected pyramids with a gap in the centre. It floats above the ground, surrounded by a massive mass of orbiting geometric shapes. If a normal wraith towers over most people, this makes them look small. Frankly, Kirika’s glad that Homura is the one who has the firepower to deal with it. Because she doesn’t have the slightest clue how she would go about attacking something that massive with her claws.

Surrounding it is a legion of smaller wraiths.

“That’s it. You sure you can deal with it, Homura?”

“It won’t be an issue. Guard me”

Kirika keeps her claws extended and ready while Homura aims her bow toward the sky, its branches growing and a massive amount of magical power gathering.

She fires.

The sky becomes aglow with a diagram of squares, each one sufficed with magical power, a moment later, it begins to pour arrows. Each square acting as a storm cloud and saturating the entire area below it with enough firepower to annihilate anything that stands between it and the ground.

It’s an awe inspiring sight, an entire swarm of wraiths obliterated in a single strike. Kirika can see why Homura was so confident. Yet while all the lesser wraiths were destroyed, the one they are after barely seems affected, the miasma around it solidifying into a barrier around it that weathers the arrows.

Not that Homura seems put off as she aims her bow directly towards it and once more gathers power, her shot fires and grows, coalescing into a gigantic bird made up of darkness and stars even larger than the wraith that crashes into its defence and smashing any of the wraiths hiding behind it. Bits of the giant wraith disintegrate, its from becoming littered with holes.

Homura begins charging another blow, her magic forming behind her to begin another barrage, this time directly forward.

Before she can however a barrage of shapes smashes into Kirika and Homura, not from the front but from the side, where multiple enlightened wraiths had been waiting, clouded by the giant wraith's miasma to hide from sight.

Kirika manipulates the magic of her claws into a shield to block the blows that would hit her or Homura, but the barrage shows no sign of stopping. Forcing Homura to stop charging her shot and instead jump back while Kirika moves forward to deal with the enlightened wraiths that are going to continue bombarding the position.

Kirika really hates those things; the aura around them makes her skin feel all weird, and apparently, they also decay machinery, which is really annoying, since it means that Homura made a rule about taking anything like a phone into miasmas to stop it getting scrapped by those things.

Still, Homura has shown her how to deal with them, and Kirika’s not the newbie who couldn’t even deal with an ascetic wraith without help any more. Not that it's easy. Each one is surrounded by cubes that hit like they’re made of solid metal. Maybe someone dedicated to defence could block them, but Kirika has to dodge most of the attacks lest she be flung like a rag doll by the weight of the attacks.

Still, she has her own tricks. When they barrage the area Kirika is in, she extends her claws, ripping into one far ahead of her and using the momentum of having something embedded in it to pull herself forward, past their attacks. A moment later, she is among the three greater than normal wraiths and even if the air feels even colder around them and their attacks are unrelenting, Kirika shreds them in little time before turning around to further support Homura.

There she sees the situation has devolved, the giant wraith now that Homura isn’t suppressing it, is bombarding Homura with the shapes it has around it while blocking any attempts for her to recover and spawning lesser wraiths around it that seem to be surrounding Homura. If this goes on any longer, she’s going to be overwhelmed even with the enlightened wraiths dealt with.

Kirika rushes back in, just about avoiding most of the giant wraith's attacks on the area around her, though being this close to it leaves the cold biting at her skin, now causing actual pain rather than just discomfort. Something that with wraiths grasping for her and some also sending beams, leaves Kirika in a not great position. Especially since it seems like the gigantic wraith has somewhat recovered from Homura’s earlier blow.

Kirika reaches Homura, who has a bunch of wraiths grabbing at her and kills a path open before pulling her away. Once out of the wraiths' hold, Homura gains a bit more awareness and assists Kirika in getting away.

“Homura, we’re getting out”

“But”, Homura starts.

“Remember what we agreed, there are too many of them, and we don’t know if other more threatening wraiths are also hiding in the miasma again”

“Fine, you're right. Continuing would risk you”

With that, the two retreat, returning to Homura’s house.

“I suppose we will have to cooperate with Tomoe and Sakura after all. Going after it again like that would be too much of a risk to you,” Homura notes, sitting with exhaustion.

“Yeah, that was even worth than I’d expected. What a ridiculous wraith,” Kirika agrees, also exhausted from the fight. At least they got a fair few grief cubes from it on the way back from the ones they killed earlier.

Homura sighs, and Kirika notices something.

“Hey, Homura?”

“Yes Kirika”

“What happened to your ribbon?” The red ribbon Kirika has never seen Homura without is no longer in her hair.

It must have been lost fighting the wraiths.

Notes:

So, the thing about giving a memory, is it's giving a memory, not a vision. Meaning there is also some context regarding thoughts and feelings of the memory. Because those are a part of the information in memories. Homura may have slightly forgotten that, since she's only manipulated people's memories so far, rather than what she just did. Which was copy pasting one of her own.

Homura got done slightly less badly than canon wraith arc due to Kirika being around to bail her out faster. Which is good since the agreement to meet on Sunday means Kyouko and Mami weren't coming. She still lost something, though.

Chapter 7: Is it too late to just pretend? Even if the truth is obvious.

Summary:

Homura loses something very important to her, has a bad day and decides to solve her cognitive dissonance.

“What happened to your ribbon?” Are the words Kirika says. Probably not quite knowing how those words make Homura’s heart stop.

Homura’s hand goes to her head, but she quickly finds she cannot feel it, and it only takes seeing her reflection faintly in a window to confirm that it’s gone.

Madoka’s ribbon. The last trace of Madoka Homura has. Her final gift to Homura. Is gone.

“I suppose one of the wraiths must have ripped it off”, Homura notes in as emotionless a voice as she can muster. She’s not going to have a breakdown because her own incompetence lost the only thing she had left as physical proof of Madoka. She won’t.

“Are you ok? You look a bit…” Homura is sure that Kirika is searching for a less offensive word than awful.

“I’m fine, it’s simply that the wraiths managed to drain me slightly before you got me out. I suppose I owe you” It could have been worse. The wraiths only got to drain her for a few seconds, and Kirika got Homura away from them before the giant wraith could steal any of her emotional energy. Which is for the best, since Homura has little doubt had that thing managed to do so, the consequences would have been horrendous.

Not that having lesser wraiths draining her energy and tearing off Madoka’s ribbon is anything less than horrendous anyway.

“What actually happens when a wraith drains a magical girl? You didn’t mention they could”

“Until it can regain the emotional energy I’ve lost, my soul gem will permanently be slightly diminished in a way grief seeds cannot solve. Thankfully, I didn’t lose that much, so hopefully it won’t be of too great consequence” Not that losing a bit is good, the fact Sayaka was weakened like this is one of the things that helped kill her. Though Homura supposes that at least Sayaka got to experience Madoka’s grace at the end, maybe that makes her the lucky one?

“Oh, that’s bad, even if it’s just a bit. Once it happens once, it would be easier for you to slip again, like some kind of horrid feedback loop. Wraiths really are awful,” Kirika says naively. She doesn’t know the horrors that wraiths replaced. Madoka saved her from that fate, saved all of them from that fate.

“It is one of the things that makes them dangerous. Though it is very rare to have a miasma that thick, so it shouldn’t be an issue for our regular hunts”

“If you’re sure, then I’ll trust you. No risking yourself like that again, though. What happened right there is exactly why I didn’t want you to go alone. If I hadn’t made you take me along, you could have died today, Homura. I don’t want to lose you, so please, take care of yourself, ok?” Mado Kirika looks at her with eyes filled with worry and care. Like she’s the one who has to keep Homura safe, despite Homura’s entire purpose being to protect Madoka.

Yet she’s not ever wrong, had Homura ignored Madoka today. She would have died, leaving her all alone, not only that, but as seemingly Kirika’s closest friend, Homura’s death might push her towards despair. If Homura doesn’t start being more careful, she could get Madoka killed. Again. One final time. Just like every time Homura tries to protect her.

“I will. Today has been a wakeup call for that, if nothing else,” A wakeup call to the fact that even with all of this power, Homura remains too weak to protect Madoka’s world. Pathetic of her really.

Kirika moves closer to Homura and puts her arms around her. Homura, as exhausted as she is, sinks into the hold. Trying to drown her failures in the warmth and softness of Madoka’s presence. She really is so very comforting. Madoka’s arms surround Homura like a blanket, smothering the pain in her heart.

“Stay with me, Homura. Please, I can’t lose you,” Madoka says, her voice reaching more deeply into Homura than she could ever allow anyone else. No one but Madoka can hold Homura’s heart like this. For a thing like Homura, her heart cannot ever beat for anyone else.

“Of course, Madoka. I’ll stay with you” How can Homura deny her that? She doesn’t want to hurt Madoka any more. She’s already failed her too many times.

“I won’t forgive you if you die”, Madoka repeats, just as she said earlier. Homura understands, she doesn’t deserve to return to the law of cycles yet. Her duty is not finished.

“Of course. I can’t return to you yet. You wouldn’t want to have to take me after how I’ve failed” Homura cannot be brought to Madoka’s heaven quite yet. She has to protect Kirika.

“Don’t say that. You haven’t failed, you stumbled today, but everyone does. I don’t want to think how many times I have. You deserve to live for your own sake, Homura” Madoka Kirika says. Homura pulls back, slowly dragging herself from the warmth and comfort she had been willing to let herself drown in a moment ago.

Homura forces herself to wake up to the fact the person she had been holding isn’t Madoka. Just someone close enough in essence to her that Homura can pretend she is. She doesn’t deserve comfort right now, not when she’s lost the last bit of actual Madoka she had.

“Her ribbon is probably gone forever. It was lost in the miasma. Not only do those move, but wraiths decay things that aren’t protected by magic,” Homura notes.

“Her ribbon?” Kirika’s eyes widen as she realises.

“It was the last thing I had left of her” Homura finishes revealing.

“I’m so sorry, Homura. We could try looking for it anyway? Maybe the wraiths just loosened it, and it fell out when we were going back here?” Kirika offers.

“You know it won’t be”

“Probably. But I don’t want to just give up on it”

“Why, you don’t even know Madoka, it’s just a ribbon” It’s anything but just a ribbon. It was the evidence of Homura’s connection to the person she loved.

“Because you loved Madoka. So even if I will never have the chance to meet her, I know how much she mattered to you. So I don’t want to give up on anything that helps you feel closer to her. Even if she’s gone”

Homura’s not sure why she expected anything less. Kirika might not be Madoka, but if Homura just imagines what Madoka would say, it is always nearly one to one with what Kirika will. So why wouldn’t she care about Homura’s sentimentality about a lost friend?

“Ok”

Homura and Kirika scour the route they took to Homura’s house, Kirika making sure to check anywhere that the ribbon could have been caught. They find nothing of course, just as Homura knew they would. The only place the ribbon really could be is the miasma, which has moved, and is also impossible to find a lost object in.

Homura still finds herself appreciating that Kirika was determined to try. Even knowing it came to nothing.

Eventually, Homura calls it. Further searching at this point is something she knows will be pointless.

“I’m sorry, Homura” Kirika apologises like it’s anyone but Homura’s fault this happened. Homura finds she cannot bear to have those pink eyes of hers looking at Homura so regretfully and sorrowfully. Especially for failing to help Homura.

“It’s ok, Kirika. It’s not your fault. You did everything you could. If not for you, I would have lost more than just a ribbon,” Homura reassures.

“It wasn’t just a ribbon, though. It mattered to you”

“My memories of Madoka will live on, even if I can no longer cling to the past. Nothing can change that” No matter how much losing Madoka’s wish hurts.

“Ok, but we’re not doing any wraith hunting or anything tomorrow. We are going to have a nice, relaxing day where you come over to mine and we hang out and don’t worry about magical girl things at all. After this, you deserve the break,” Kirika demands. Madoka’s voice always has the most steel in it when she’s doing something for the sake of a friend. Homura knows she won’t yield.

“Ok, if that’s what you want”

“Yep, and you’re going to enjoy it”, Kirika promises.

“See you tomorrow, Kirika”

The two head their separate ways.

As Homura goes home, still mourning what she’s lost. She’s left wondering if there really is any difference between Kirika and Madoka.

There is the obvious, of course. A different name, a different past and different, if similar magic. But as to who they are as people? Homura can barely think of a moment that Kirika’s done anything Homura can’t see Madoka doing. She looks nearly identical, especially now with Homura’s ribbons. To the point that had she been wearing those the first day Homura met Kirika, she probably would have actually asked if she were Madoka. Her magic acts similarly. Her costume is nearly the same as Madoka’s.

Kirika is not Madoka, because Madoka is the law of cycles, a god and a concept. The closest thing to something all good that exists. But does that mean Kirika isn’t her in some way? That Madoka didn’t leave a piece of herself to see and protect the world she created. Even if one who is not a perfect recreation.

Homura has kept denying this, time after time, because loving someone other than Madoka is wrong. It has to be wrong. But if Homura continues denying the obvious, the contradiction will tear her apart. Today has proven just how flawed Homura’s judgement can be, and just how essential Kirika is.

So why not let the contradiction be solved? To accept in her heart that Kirika is Madoka in every way that matters? It can’t be a betrayal of Madoka to love what cannot be anything but a slightly different form of her. One that exists now her previous one cannot.

It’s not like Homura has anything else in this world. Her life has been devoted to Madoka for as long as she can remember. Before that, she was just living a half life. So why try to force herself to go against who she is as a person? Why not bask in Madoka’s presence?

This is the world Madoka wished for, is it not? The one where she’s made the rules, rather than Kyubey’s cold calculus. So should Homura cling to the past that Madoka herself erased, when there is a future for her by Madoka’s side instead?

It feels good to finally make a decision. To conclude, with absolute certainty (Well, that’s what she’s telling herself at least), that Homura doesn’t have to separate Kirika and Madoka as people. Even if she does need to get into the habit of using Kirika’s name every time.

Homura doesn’t need to constantly be on the edge of a crisis over if her feelings towards Kirika are a betrayal of Madoka. Because those are her feelings towards Madoka. Accepting that is a weight off Homura’s neck, because it means what Homura is feeling is correct.

It also means that as much as it hurts not having Madoka’s ribbon any more, the fact that Kirika cared about that for Homura’s sake rather than for what it means, means that’s what Madoka thinks. So if Madoka has forgiven her, then maybe it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Even if after Sunday, Homura is going to see that giant wraith dead for daring to make her lose something that’s Madoka’s.

Despite this, when Homura goes to sleep on Friday, she does so at peace with herself for the first time since she first met Madoka again this timeline. She even finds herself looking forward to going to Madoka’s tomorrow, even if it’s going to take some getting used to that she will have a different house and parents.

Though that does come with the benefit that Sayaka can’t drag Madoka down, if there is one good thing about Madoka having a different history here, it means that when Sayaka died, it didn’t hurt her.

When morning arrives, Kirika texts Homura her address, and she heads over. For once, actually in an ok mood. Before long, she’s rung Kirika’s doorbell and is let in.

“Hello Kirika, good morning” Funnily enough, deciding Madoka is Madoka, rather than Kirika being a completely different person who is just coincidentally exactly the same. (Which is dumb in hindsight, Homura really should have accepted this sooner.) Makes calling her Kirika easier. After all, Homura doesn’t have to deliberately separate her from Madoka any more, just accept that’s the name Madoka is going by. Which is way easier.

Kirika looks at Homura curiously “You seem in a better mood”

“I suppose I’ve come to a realisation, not that I think I’m particularly jumping for joy” Homura notes.

“I mean, if you were jumping for joy, I’d think you were an imposter. You’re never been the most expressive. But still I can tell”

“You’ve always been good at that. So, what is your plan for the day?” Madoka was the one who declared this to be a relaxation day after all.

“Play a few games I have around the place, talk a bit, I’ve got some snacks and stuff around. I’ve not really done this sort of thing much, but hopefully I can make it nice”

“That sounds like a good start. Are your parents in, or is it just us?”

Kirika sighs, “No need to worry about that. My mum’s on a business trip and won’t be back for a while, or for long”

“Your dad?” Homura asks.

“Never met him”, Kirika answers.

“Oh, sorry” In hindsight, the fact Madoka only mentioned her mum really should have been a good enough context clue. Maybe Homura is too used to knowing the background of everyone she talks with if she messed that one up.

“Not your fault. Also, not like I’ve ever known him enough to miss. Anyway, it means we have the house to ourselves,” Kirika replies, dismissing the concern.

“I suppose I can see the upside in that”, Homura agrees, deciding not to push the subject. Not like she knows anything about parents.

It doesn’t take long for Madoka to get a selection of snacks out and also some video games for Homura to try.

Homura hasn’t tried too many computer or console games, she’s quite good at arcade games, because Kyouko is often found there, and Homura’s had plenty of time to get good at them over the loops. Home video games though, Homura has little experience with.

Still, Homura does go through a few of the ones Madoka recommends, and while she doesn’t beat her at any of them. Which makes sense considering the experience gap, she does decently at some of the shooters and finds the experience relatively entertaining.

After a bit more of that, Madoka takes Homura up to her room, where she is entirely unsurprised to see Madoka has plushies. They also go through some of the games Madoka has on her computer for a little bit. Though, since those aren’t multiplayer, they don’t spend as long there

Madoka makes lunch, which Homura offers to help with, before being told she’s a guest and that Madoka wants to. They get take out once it gets to dinner, which Madoka insists on paying for, despite Homura’s protestations.

Eventually, they run out of things to do or play and so just end up chatting about stuff. Though Madoka studiously avoids mentioning anything magical girl based and Homura lets her.

“You know, we’ve worked together and been friends for a bit now, but I don’t really know much about your past. I mean, other than that memory you shared,” The two of them sitting on Madoka’s bed and her holding her cat plush.

“There isn’t that much to say. I went to a catholic school, spent a lot of time in hospital for heart problems that I’ve since cured with magic and then spent most of my time since as a magical girl” Homura doesn’t mention the loops. Those never happened in this new world after all. So the vast majority of Homura’s past is something that no longer fits within the rules of this reality, just as her magic no longer lets time manipulation be a possibility.

“Based on the fact they aren’t at yours and you’ve never mentioned them, I’m assuming your parents aren’t around”

“They are no more present than yours”, Homura agrees. Honestly, it has been a long time since she’s thought of them. Though thinking of parents, it’s a shame the Madoka of this world lacks good ones. Homura is still fond of Madoka’s family, even without their daughter there.

“Guess we’re both in the absent parents’ club then” Despite the cheer in her voice, Homura can tell Madoka’s less ok with that than she’s trying to show.

“What about you? You’ve also shared little of your past,” Homura asks, better to move away from the subject of parents.

“There’s not much to share, really. My life’s been kinda boring. Nothing of any real relevance to anything till I made my wish”

“I struggle to believe that. You must have had some friends and done things at some point” Homura struggles to believe that someone as kind as Madoka didn’t have a friend group and stories to share from her past.

To Homura’s distress, Madoka’s expression becomes sad “I did have a close friend when I was younger. But we’re not in contact any more”

“What happened?”

“She got caught shoplifting and framed me for it. Then she moved away. I’ve never quite worked out what happened there. I guess she just got scared? But yeah, haven’t had any real friends after that, not until you” Madoka brightens up at that last part.

“I’m sorry Kirika, no matter what her reason was, you deserve better than that” As much as Homura has her annoyances with Sayaka, she is at least loyal. She would never sell Madoka out for anything. Madoka’s old friend here, whoever she was, has managed the impressive feat of getting more of Homura’s animosity than Sayaka without even needing to meet her.

“Yeah, I still kinda miss her. But I’ve got you now, honestly I’m really happy you’re here, I wasn’t very happy alone. Even if I tried my best”

“I’ll always be here, promise” No matter what happens, Homura will never abandon Madoka. Not before the heat death of the universe the incubators are trying to stave off.

“Thanks, Homura. Really,” Madoka looks at Homura so sincerely, with so much affection, it's almost unbearable. Yet that doesn’t stop Homura from drinking in the feeling of being appreciated by Madoka.

Eventually, though, the day comes to a close “It’s getting late, I should probably start heading back” Not that Homura wants to leave, but it wouldn’t do to impose.

“Do… Do you want to sleep over? We need to go out to meet those other magical girls together tomorrow, right? So if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to” Homura can see the hesitation in Madoka’s offer, but also its sincerity.

Homura smiles slightly. It’s been a long time since she’s done anything like that with Madoka, but she can’t deny the chance to do it again in this new world. It’s a nice feeling.

Homura dreams of Madoka. For once, it isn’t a nightmare.

Notes:

The loss of the last physical evidence that Madoka ever existed may have pushed Homura to make a slightly extreme decision to deal with it. It will probably be fine.

So, it's a good thing that Homura's making the right assumptions and that her decision to treat Kirika as if she were Madoka will never backfire. After all, the only way to prove that wrong would be looking at Kirika's memories, and it's not like that's likely to come up :)

Chapter 8: Don't you dare hurt her

Summary:

Kyouko and Mami meet their city's new magical girl.

“So, we’re meeting Akemi and her new friend tomorrow?” Honestly, Kyouko’s kinda shocked that Homura has one of those. Saying she’s antisocial is an understatement. Which, honestly, Kyouko gets. Not like she picked up any friends back when she was in Kazamino after her disagreement with Mami. Even if she did thankfully manage to settle that.

Still, if she was operating like that long term, rather than already having a close friend? Yeah, Kyouko can see where Homura’s coming from.

Even if that makes Kyouko pretty curious what exactly caught Homura’s fancy. Considering how cold she tended to be with Sayaka, it’s not a soft spot for new magical girls like Mami has. Or appreciating anything like heroism, considering Homura’s views on Sayaka and Kyouko’s ideological conflict.

Maybe Homura found someone else who appreciates her religion? The two go off to pray to a shrine of Madoka or something? That could do it. Or maybe Homura found someone else who’s so serious and monotone that they just work well together and never talk about anything?

God, that would make the meeting boring though. Homura and Homura two would just be so serious. All tactical concerns and optimisation, and feeling slightly condescended even when Homura isn’t trying to come off that way.

Thinking that way probably makes Kyouko appear more negative about Homura than she really is. She’s a perfectly fine magical girl and sure knows how to kill wraiths from the times Kyouko’s worked with her. She’s also not the kinda moralising person to get on Kyouko’s nerves.

Like Sayaka was.

“That’s the plan. We’re meeting at a fairly nice cafe to get to know each other a bit,” Mami notes. Kyouko choosing to focus on that rather than her thoughts.

“Akemi not take you up on your offer to host?”

“She said she’d prefer someone neutral,” Kyouko gets the feeling Mami’s not happy about missing the chance to make cakes and be all hospitable to a new magical girl. She was a big fan of hosting everything back when Sayaka was new.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure new girl will get the chance to come over to yours at some point. The free cake’s a pretty good incentive”

“Perhaps, though that does depend on making a good first impression. So do try to be on your best behaviour, Kyouko”

“What am I, a dog? Yes Mami, I know how to behave”

“Are we going to ignore how much your disagreements with Sayaka spiralled?” Mami points out.

“She was an idiot” Kyouko looks to the ground. Sayaka really was an idiot, but so was she. Why’d she have to lose her head over that boy? Why couldn’t Kyouko make friends with her properly until it was too late?

“I miss her too,” Mami agrees.

“It’ll be a month since she’s gone in a few days”, Kyouko points out. That fact hurts more than she’s willing to let on. Kyouko really does miss that stubborn, idealistic idiot. She misses her way too much.

“Yeah”, Nothing like Sayaka’s fate to bring down the mood.

“Let’s make sure to avenge her by then, alright? No chance we can let that wraith get away with it for any longer” Kyouko really does want to see that thing dead. If not for it, maybe she could have been a proper friend to Sayaka, rather than getting her killed.

“That is part of what the meeting is for. I’m hopeful that we can get Akemi and her new mentee’s assistance against it”

“I’d feel better if we could kill the thing ourselves. Not like Akemi was there during the fight, or that new girl even knows Sayaka,” Kyouko points out.

“I would much rather ensure that wraith doesn’t get away again, than miss the chance in the hope killing it will be more cathartic”, Mami points out.

“Guess so. I’m getting the last hit through. I really want to see that thing die close up,” Kyouko promises.

“If you can, feel free. Though if I get a chance to end it and you’re not in position, don’t expect me to hold back”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be at the top of my game for that hunt. Sayaka deserves nothing less” If she couldn’t keep her, Kyouko can at least make sure the thing that killed her doesn’t get to get away with it.

“Good, though let’s not be hasty. We still have our meeting with Akemi and Kure first”

“Yeah, I’m curious to see whose got miss lone and broody to mentor someone”

“So am I”

“Guess we’ll meet her soon enough” Kyouko notes.

Soon enough comes by pretty quickly. Not like Kyouko has much to do aside from snack and get a couple grief cubes from a minor miasma during the day, so before long, she’s meeting up with Mami again to try some overpriced coffee and cake. And to meet Homura’s new friend.

Homura and Kirika arrive perfectly punctually, which isn’t unexpected, since that is how Homura tends to arrive to these sorts of things, and there is little reason to expect that to change.

That’s not to say that Kyouko doesn’t notice the way things are different. For one, since Mami insisted on being there early, Kyouko gets to see Homura arrive. Which means she gets to see Kirika say something to her and Homura smile. Only slightly, but still, smiles are not a Homura expression. Not to mention that Homura isn’t wearing that red ribbon she always has had on from the day Kyouko met her. Which is also a pretty big shift.

From her first look at Kirika, Kyouko can’t help but think she couldn’t look less like Homura if she tried. She’s smiling up at Homura, but an actual smile, rather than Homura’s mini one. She’s got two purple ribbons in her hair holding up pigtails, has pink eyes and is smaller than Homura. The pink hair styled like that, her expressions and her general disposition is cute more than anything else. Not really what Kyouko expected from the person Homura chose to train as a magical girl. Though Kyouko supposes it’s not like her appearance says anything about her ability as a magical girl.

“Good afternoon, Tomoe Mami, Sakura Kyouko” Homura introduces as she takes a seat, Kirika taking the one next to her.

“Hello, Akemi, Kure. It’s nice to meet you. Especially you, Kure, I’ve been rather curious about who caught Akemi’s interest as a new magical girl,” Mami says.

Kyouko just adds a “Hi”, not really feeling like a formal introduction.

“Hello, I’m Kure Kirika, as I guess both of you already know. Nice to meet you,” Kirika smiles at the two magical girls opposite her, slightly nervously.

“I’m Tomoe Mami, and my partner here is Sakura Kyouko”, Mami introduces.

Kyouko considers adding something, but there isn’t really anything she wants to say quite yet, so she leaves it.

“So, um. Is there anything in particular you’d like to ask or discuss?” Kirika looks kinda nervous.

“Guess the main thing is how you got Akemi of all people to train you? Because she really does not seem like the mentoring type,” Kyouko asks. May as well start with the interesting things.

“I feel like Homura should answer that rather than me. Since I can’t say much more than she just chose to,” Now that, that is a lie. The way Kirika’s eyes flick to the side, the way Kirika looks down slightly to not look Kyouko in the eye. Kyouko’s willing to be Kirika knows exactly why Homura chose to group up with her.

“Sure, so Akemi, want to spill the beans? What got you all bothered about pinky?”

“Her magic simply covers some of my weaknesses fighting wraiths. There doesn’t have to be a special reason,” Homura says in her usual monotone. While she doesn’t have any tells, Kyouko’s pretty sure that’s a lie too. No chance Homura just saw someone with useful magic and decided to work with them. If that’s how she worked, she would have tried to get along with Sayaka, or hunt more often with her and Mami, rather than her whole loner shtick.

Now if she gives her time, Mami will probably say something diplomatic and change the subject, but Kyouko’s curious now “I call bullshit, you have never once cared about synergistic magic or any of that in the past, yet suddenly pinky over there is the magic bullet? What’s so special about her magic that it fills a role that can’t be done by anyone else?”

“I have no need to give you the details of her magic” Homura retorts.

“Well, Kure? You got some super special magic that makes you all important?” She’s less practised at lying, so her reaction will tell Kyouko more.

“Um, I… My magic is flexible, so it allows me to be good at assisting Homura against any wraiths that attempt to get close to her while she bombards the rest of them” It’s a cute attempt, but yeah, no shot.

“Sure, you good at close combat? So am I, as was Sayaka, Homura certainly didn’t spare us that sort of attention. Which, considering Sayaka was a new magical girl who Homura knew about? Not buying it” Curiously, Kirika does react slightly to Sayaka’s name. Maybe Homura mentioned her as a cautionary tale?

“Kyouko, what happened to being polite?” Mami looks over with a slightly annoyed expression.

“I mean, yeah, but when they’re saying such blatant crap, it makes me want to know what they aren’t saying”

“Drop it, Kyouko” Guess if Homura’s saying that, then she’s admitting there is something there. Still, Kyouko can play along.

“Sure. You’re obviously not going to give an answer, and it doesn’t seem like pinky will either. So, no point asking more” For now, Kyouko is still curious after all. Even if she’s going to get glared at by Mami for that later.

“Thank you” Homura’s voice doesn’t sound particularly thankful, but then again, it was Kyouko being rude here, so fair enough.

“So, how did you meet Akemi?” Mami asks, seemingly trying to go for a less divisive question.

“Bumped into her at school and then in a miasma. How’d you two meet?” Kirika answers, more happy to answer that seemingly innocent question.

“We met when Kyouko was a new magical girl, also in a miasma. We worked together from there,” Mami answers.

“Huh, guess that must be pretty common for magical girls, then”, Kirika notes.

“It is, I would imagine that’s how most magical girls who aren’t already friends find each other. Well, that or Kyubey informing them of each other,” Mami considers.

“We did agree to meet to do more than question Kirika”, Homura points out.

“True, we do also need to arrange to hunt the giant wraith. I assume you’ve already filled Kure in on what I told you?”

“I have, yes, both of us are willing to work with you to hunt it”, Homura confirms.

“Kure. Do you agree?” Mami asks.

“Yes, we can’t just let something like that roam about and hurt people. And if it’s already killed a magical girl, then it's best we work together against it,” Kirika says resolutely.

Curious that Kirika seems actually idealistic, with how much Homura seemed to disdain Sayaka’s heroism, Kyouko kinda assumed she would steer clear of that type. She’s always got the sense Homura was more her type of pragmatist than Mami or Sayaka’s idealist. Maybe she got her wrong?

“Long as I get to have the last hit on that bastard, then I’m happy to team up with you two. Long as pinky’s actually competent,” Kyouko declares. If Kirika really is a fully new magical girl without skill, then she’d just get in the way.

“I’m capable enough to help” For this, Kirika seems to genuinely believe it. Guess she does have a bit of a spine.

“I believe that we all go to the same school, other than Kyouko, so how about we agree to search for it after school from Monday together?” Mami proposes.

Kirika glances at Homura and gives her a nod. “I suppose that is acceptable, I can miss archery for a couple of days”

“I didn’t know you did archery, Akemi” Mami questions.

“I do use a bow, so I thought the experience would be useful” Homura replies.

“I’m pretty sure you do also enjoy it” Kirika points out.

“It’s... Relaxing,” Homura admits, giving Kirika a look Kyouko can’t quite work out the meaning off.

“Do you also go, Kure?” Mami asks.

“Yeah, I’m pretty new, but it’s fun, and I’m not too bad at it” Kirika smiles at the thought.

“Were you doing that before Akemi?” Mami questions.

“I joined after meeting her”

“Huh, well I suppose you got to have your girlfriend teach you, so I suppose that makes sense”, Kyouko jokes.

“We’re not that, just friends”, Kirika replies with a blush, though interestingly, Homura also has a slight blush. Is cute Homura’s type?

“If you say so”, Kyouko replies. She doubts they're actually in a relationship, Homura doesn’t seem the type to ever ask someone out, and Kirika seems too shy to have asked, even if they do like each other. Still, that might be a reason for Homura’s choice to stick with Kirika. Even if Kyouko wouldn’t have pegged Homura to choose a magical girl partner for attraction of all reasons.

“Is there anything else?” Homura asks.

“If we’re gonna fight with new girl, we need to practise with her at least a little. I’m not taking anyone else’s word that she won’t screw up if I haven’t seen her in a miasma” Kyouko points out. Working with someone for the first time in a miasma as thick as the one that giant wraith was in is a recipe for disaster.

Kirika looks to Homura in question. “I suppose that would make sense, Kirika, are you free to face a miasma after this?” Homura seems to ask the question begrudgingly.

“Yeah, sure. No problem,” Kirika agrees.

“Then shall we start looking for one? It may take a while,” Mami points out. Something that is quickly agreed.

As they get up though, Kyouko asks the last question that’s been hanging around since she saw Homura “What happened to that red ribbon of yours? Don’t think I’ve ever seen you without it before”

At that, Homura’s face goes entirely blank “I suppose a change was needed”

From Kirika’s slight cringe at that response, Kyouko guesses that one’s also a lie.

Quite a few of those are about suddenly. Though Kyouko does wonder what the connection is, if there is any.

“So what, you decided to outsource wearing ribbons to Kure?”

“The ribbon was nothing more than sentimentality, I no longer require it”, Homura replies, her eyes shifting towards Kirika. Though Kyouko notes there’s a note of tension in Homura’s voice.

Also, Kirika’s reaction is interesting. Her eyes widen in surprise, and her mouth slightly parts before closing again, yet she also gains a bit of a blush.

So, Kirika wasn’t expecting that response, but assumes that she is the reason Homura no longer requires it? Also sentimentality? Sentiment for what? As far as Kyouko knows, Homura was in hospital and then a magical girl. So what sentimental attachment to something could Kirika replace?

“Out with the old, in with the new, huh. Can’t have been too important to remember if you don’t want it the second you have a magical girl friend,” Kyouko points out.

Surprisingly, it isn’t Homura who responds, but rather Kirika, who looks at Kyouko with a shockingly intense glare for someone as small and cutesy as her “Don’t” The word is said in a manner that makes it sound like a threat.

Now, this would probably be a good time to stop prodding, but at the same time, Kyouko is really curious what the deal with Kirika and Homura is and she’s willing to bet that ribbon is the key to it, somehow.

“Don’t ask about the ribbon Homura wore everywhere, but somehow stops giving a shit about once you turn up? Why?”

“Do you like hurting people, Sakura?” Kirika’s voice is cold asking the question.

“The hell’s that got to do with anything?”

“Do you?”

“I mean, I’m not a sadist” Kyouko enjoys a good fight, but it’s not like she’s one of those maniacs who enjoys hurting people for the fun of it.

“Great, I don’t really want to work with someone that enjoys hurting others. But if you’re telling the truth about that, then you’ll stop. Or are you lying?” Kirika’s voice switches from cheerful in the first half of that statement to deadly serious in the second.

Now, on one hand, that makes Kyouko even more curious about what the deal is with all that. On the other hand, Kyouko gets the sense Kirika might actually stab her if she keeps this up, and while she does want to spar with her at some point, she’d rather not have Homura’s new best bud wanting to actually murder her.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll stop. That’s obviously a bit more sensitive a subject than I thought. Sorry,” At least Mami is walking a bit further ahead, so she won’t try to murder Kyouko for that particular faux pas.

“It’s fine, just don’t do it again, ok?” While the words are forgiving, the look Kirika gives Kyouko is sharp.

“Wasn’t planning to” Though, if she really does want to get in a fight with Kirika, Kyouko knows what button to push.

“Great” Then, with a smile, Kirika turns away from Kyouko and moves over to where Homura’s been walking slightly behind them silently since Kyouko’s comment about the ribbon. Kirika starts saying something to Homura, quietly enough that Kyouko can’t overhear it. Kyouko decides to elect against eavesdropping, instead she walks up to where Mami is.

“So, thoughts on Kirika?”

“She seems pleasant enough, if a bit nervous about meeting us”, Mami replies.

“Yeah, but when I made a few comments about Homura no longer wearing that red ribbon she always had and I get the sense if I pushed she might have actually tried to stab me, or wanted to at least” And Kyouko got the sense she would have meant it too, rather than the semi-spars Kyouko had when she got into fights with Sayaka.

“What happened to not being rude? Seriously, it’s not that hard Kyouko,” Mami says with exasperation.

“Yep, not planning on pushing any more boundaries today. Still, that reaction felt a bit off”

“How offensive was the thing you said? Maybe you really insulted her?”

“Akemi mentioned no longer requiring her ribbon for sentimental reasons, implying that’s due to Kure. So I made a comment about how if she doesn’t need it now Kure’s around, it couldn’t have been too important. Which pissed or Kure, then when I asked why she’d stop caring about it now Kure’s here, if in a rude way, I admit. Then I got the sense she would try and stab me if I pushed the point,” Kyouko explains.

“You don’t know what that ribbon represented. Maybe it just meant something really important to her?” Mami points out.

“Sure, except it's Homura’s ribbon, which she was wearing long before she met Kure and then stopped wearing right now. Kure’s known her for what 2ish weeks? Since you said you noticed them start of last week, and if they’d been together for longer than that, you’d have noticed them sooner. So, why would a person who’s known someone else for two weeks react like that to a comment about a ribbon belonging to their new friend, which she isn’t even wearing any more? I mean, I know I was rude for pushing, but something about that has to be why Akemi’s working with Kure, right?”

“Maybe, though if they are willing to work with us and be friendly enough, I’m not sure we need to know exactly why they’re working together. Unless you think whatever that is will be relevant to fighting wraiths?”

“I mean, probably not, I suppose”, Kyouko admits.

“Then drop it for now, we can worry about that after we deal with the giant wraith. For now, we do need to work with them, and I would rather like friendly relations with the other two magical girls in the city. If you want to go be a detective, then do it once we’re done”

“Ok fine, you’re right, it probably doesn’t matter for now” For now at least, Kyouko’s more interested in seeing what Kirika can do against wraiths. But once Sayaka is avenged, Kyouko’s looking into this, because there is something there. Even if she doesn’t quite know what yet.

Notes:

Kirika is very Madoka in this; she is also still Kirika, though. Even if that probably won't be apparent when Kirika's interacting with Homura.

Kyouko isn't well suited to being a detective, but she is still curious about what's going on with Kirika and Homura. And also needs a distraction from Sayaka being gone forever.

Chapter 9: I'll always care, she's my best friend

Summary:

Kirika finishes meeting Kyouko and Mami. She also meets a familiar face.

Kirika was rather looking forward to meeting Mami and Kyouko. She had known that they weren’t close to Homura, but still. Homura didn’t particularly seem to resent them or anything, and Homura having some other friends aside from Kirika could only be a good thing. So she was optimistic, if nervous.

Shame that her optimism was unfounded.

Mami’s fine, polite enough, seems friendly and is overall inoffensive. Kyouko, on the other hand, is not.

Homura did mention she was abrasive, but honestly, Kirika would have been fine with that. If Kyouko was hard on her for being new at fighting wraiths, or was just rude to her in general, then sure, she can deal. Kirika’s been bullied before, and it sucks, but she can deal with it. So yeah, if it was just Kyouko being rude and unfriendly to her, then Kirika could accept that. Sure, she probably would never make close friends with Kyouko, but sometimes, that’s just how it is.

Instead, Kyouko suggested that Homura didn’t really care about Madoka and was happy using Kirika to replace her. Sure, maybe Kyouko didn’t have full context, maybe she thought her jokes and questions about the ribbon Homura lost were just a little offensive, but that doesn’t change what she did.

Kirika saw the way Homura froze up once Kyouko implied that, the way her expression closed off, the way Kirika’s best and only friend hurt because of what Kyouko said. And sure, if Kyouko had said the one offensive thing and then, when Kirika gave her a perfectly clear warning, she shut up, then Kirika could have accepted that. Even if she would probably still be a bit pissed at Kyouko. Except she doubled down.

She suggested that Homura stopped giving a shit about the ribbon. Something Kirika’s sure Homura will interpret as her being unfaithful to Madoka and not caring enough. Something that probably set Kirika’s progress trying to get Homura to care about herself and be happy back by days.

Anger isn’t an emotion Kirika is a big fan of. Hurting people is bad, and being mad at them tends to not help situations. Saying that, if Kyouko pushed a single bit further in hurting Homura, Kirika’s pretty sure she wouldn’t have been able to hold off trying to stab Kyouko.

Which, yes, that is a very extreme reaction. Stabbing is not a correct response to emotional harm, even severe emotional harm. But, Kirika’s not entirely sure if she cares about the fact that would be wrong. Not entirely, at least.

Because it isn’t harm to some random person, it’s harm to Homura. To Homura, who’s already suffered so much, who is still fighting in the name of a love that was torn from her, who is barely hanging on despite Kirika’s best efforts and who means everything to Kirika. Homura, the person Kirika’s dedicated herself to helping, whose happiness she’s made her priority, and who is the only person currently alive who cares about Kirika. Even if Kirika knows a lot of that is built on Kirika’s resemblance to Madoka.

So, sure, gutting Kyouko with her claws for hurting Homura is a disproportionate action that would not be justified and is immoral as hell. But Kirika’s pretty sure, if Kyouko kept pushing any further, then Kirika wouldn’t have regretted it.

That probably makes her a bad person. Which is a bit of a sobering thought, because as a rule, Kirika tries very hard to be a good person. To be kind, to be caring and to help people when she can. Kirika’s not one for violence. She’d be the first person to decry murder, and she certainly doesn’t think doing what she wanted to there would be right.

But Homura’s… Homura, and when compared to her wellbeing and happiness, Kirika’s not 100% sure if being a good person is that important, as long as she’s a good person to Homura. Which is not to say she’s upending her entire system of morals, that would be dumb. Just that Homura and harm to her get a special little exemption from that system, which is, outside of said exemption, still consistent.

Anyway, no one has been stabbed, and no one will be stabbed, but Kirika’s not going to make friends with Kyouko when she is that willing to hurt Homura, and she’s not going to make friends with Mami if she can’t keep her friend on a leash. You can’t just judge someone on what they do, not if they let their friends get away with far worse things. So maybe Mami and Kyouko were doing a good cop, bad cop thing, or maybe Mami just didn’t care to intervene, but either way, it’s enough to kinda sour Kirika on the prospect of being good friends with her. Even if she’s still going to be polite.

Allies against the wraiths are good, and Kirika doesn’t wish ill on her or anything. She’s just, not the kind of person Kirika’s willing to trust Homura’s wellbeing to, and that means she can’t be a close friend of Kirika’s either.

Though priority number one is to reassure Homura and try to patch any damage Kirika’s comments might have done.

“Hey Homura, I know you, so I’m sure you heard Kyouko’s comment and now feel like you aren’t treating Madoka as important enough. Even if Kyouko had no idea she was hurting you like that by saying it,” Kirika makes sure to talk quietly, since while Kyouko has walked further ahead now, she doesn’t really want her listening in on this.

“Am I?” Homura’s voice is soft, a foreign uncertainty weakening it.

“Of course not, silly. I know how much you care about her, and I know that no matter how far into the future you reach, and how many other people you become close to, you’ll never forget her or stop caring about her. The fact you can care so much is why what Kyouko said hurts, and it’s why it was nonsense. While you might not show your feelings much, I know how much you actually feel. So even if her ribbon has been taken from you, that doesn’t change your heart at all” Kirika remembers exactly how Homura feels about Madoka from the memory she was gifted, so she can say all this with absolute sincerity. The idea that Homura’s just forgotten about her now Kirika’s here is nonsense.

The fact Kirika reminds Homura of Madoka is half the reason they’re even friends after all. The fact Kirika cares about Homura enough to accept that and accept her being the other half.

Homura looks at Kirika searchingly for a moment before her frown shifts into a slight smile. “You’re right, Kirika. It was silly of me to doubt that”

“Yep, definitely. Don’t let anything Sakura says hurt you when she doesn’t know the first thing about what she’s talking about” Though, should Kyouko keep trying that, rather than learning when to back off, Kirika is going to have to resist the temptation to hurt her.

“Thank you, Kirika. Though it’s slightly embarrassing I needed the reminder”

“You’re the one who warned me she’s abrasive. It’s not too surprising she wanted to get under our skin. Hopefully she’ll be better at killing wraiths than conversation”

“I believe that is one field you will find little issue with her in”

“Good, hopefully that means that with her and Tomoe, we can at least get rid of that giant wraith before it can hurt anyone else”

“Indeed, though before worrying about that, let's focus on the miasma in front of us, since I can sense we’re coming up on one”, Homura notes.

As they reach the site of the miasma, Mami and Kyouko slow down to let Kirika and Homura catch up.

“So, time to see what you can do, pinky”, Kyouko comments.

Now, normally, she’d say something like ‘I hope I can live up to expectations’ or something like that since Kirika doesn’t tend to come off badly. But honestly, she’s still kinda peeved at Kyouko, so why bother? “Do try to keep up”

“You’re on,” Kyouko challenges with a grin.

Kirika can tell this is a rather thin miasma as she steps into it, nothing like the one she almost lost Homura to. There shouldn’t be more than normal wraiths and maybe a few ascetic ones around. It’s the kind of place that Homura and Kirika alone would be overkill for, with Mami and Kyouko around too? The challenge here is going to be getting to actually kill many wraiths before the others do.

As they get into the miasma, the four transform. Kyouko and Kirika leading the way as the close range fighters.

“You know, I didn’t peg you as a claws girl at first, but actually, I see it”, Kyouko comments.

“What’s that meant to mean?”

Kyouko doesn’t answer, instead jumping forward to reach the wraiths in the distance, Kirika quickly following. In the moments it takes for them to get there, a rain of arrows and bullets has already cleared out a fair amount of wraiths.

No matter what else Kirika might think of her, Kyouko proves skilled at killing any wraith that gets near her with her spear, occasionally trapping them with barriers of red diamonds if they try to make distance.

Not that Kirika is letting her go without competition. There are few places Kirika’s ever felt as at home as killing wraiths, and that shows. Any wraith that ends up near enough to Kirika’s claws very quickly stops being a wraith and starts being a grief cube. As do many further away when Kirika elects to extend her claws with magic to get more reach or pull herself forward.

There are many times where Kirika has too many wraiths around her to ever react to, but during those, Kirika trusts Homura to help make a path, and so doesn’t stop for a moment. Kirika’s well practised in keeping Homura in mind when fighting at this point, so it only makes sense to work around that.

The miasma clears up disappointingly fast. It feels almost unsatisfying to go through it that quickly. It’s hard to feel like Kirika’s really done good work protecting people when it’s over in 4 minutes. Still, it’s one less miasma in the world, so that can’t be a bad thing.

“Well, Kyouko, think Kure’s good enough to hunt with us?” Mami asks, her positive tone suggesting her own position.

“She’s pretty good for a rookie, I admit”, Kyouko accepts.

“In that case, I presume there are no further complaints?” Homura asks.

“Nope, she can go with us. I admit you have an eye for talent when picking up a girlfriend, Akemi”

Homura rolls her eyes “I presume there is no further need for us to meet until after school tomorrow?”

“I mean, if either of you would like, I have some cake back at mine? I would quite like to get to know you a bit better, Kure,” Mami replies, looking hopefully at Kirika.

Kirika glances briefly at Homura. She can tell that the last thing Homura wants to do is actually go, but she’s resigned to Kirika choosing to anyway. Which, maybe if things had gone differently, she would have considered, but since Homura doesn’t want to, and honestly, Kirika isn’t that interested, even if the cake sounds nice, she’s not accepting.

“Thanks for the offer, but it’s kinda late, and we do have school tomorrow. So I’m going to have to decline for now, maybe after we beat that giant wraith?”

“Oh, I see, have a safe trip home,” Mami replies, only mostly managing to disguise her disappointment.

“Thanks, you too, Tomoe”

Kyouko and Mami set off, leaving Kirika with Homura.

“Did you not want to go?” Homura asks, sounding slightly confused.

“I don’t really want to spend another hour or two with Sakura, and honestly, while Tomoe is nice enough, I think I prefer my time with you” Kirika comments.

“I had honestly expected you to get on with them slightly better”

“Maybe I would have, but Sakura was rude and also hurt you. That’s enough for me to say that while I’m happy to work with her, and am not going to do anything like fight her, I still don’t like her that much”

“I wouldn’t say she hurt me”

“Maybe she didn’t know how much that ribbon mattered to you at first, but once she asked about it she should have worked it out, rather than doing what she did. Don’t pretend that what she said didn’t hurt”

“Not any more”, Homura replies.

“I’m glad, but still. The fact it doesn’t anymore doesn’t change that it did. So that’s enough for me”

“Thank you for caring so much, Kirika. Even if you really don’t have to”

“I want to, though” Kirika holds one of Homura’s hands with both of her own, and looks up into her eyes “You’re my best friend, I’ll always care”

“Me too” The words are almost a whisper, but they mean the world to Kirika, no matter how quiet they are.

“See you soon, Homura. Any requests for lunch tomorrow?” Kirika decides to check before setting off home.

“As long as you’re making it, I have no doubt it will be nice”

Kirika blushes, “Ok, um. I’ll try to make it good then”

“See you tomorrow, Kirika,” Homura replies with a rare smile, before the two set off home.

It’s slightly dark out but still a nice enough day. So Kirika takes her time with the walk, trying to enjoy the emotions that moment with Homura left her with for as long as she can.

“Hi Kirika”

Kirika jumps, she remembers that voice, “Erika?” Turning around, she sees her old friend.

“It’s been a bit, hasn’t it?” Erika notes.

“Um, yeah, ages actually. I, didn’t expect to see you” Aside from seeing the occasional photo on the internet, Kirika hasn’t seen Erika for years, she didn’t even know she was in the city.

“It really has, I mean, just look at how much you’ve changed,” Erika points out.

“I don’t think I’ve changed that much. I mean, aside from growing up”

“Really? But you’re all different? I don’t think you would even recognise yourself, actually,” Erika says in a weird tone, stepping towards Kirika.

“Huh, what do you mean?” That’s a really weird thing to say, especially to someone you’ve not talked to for years.

“Your hair, for one, and your eyes, not to mention your general demeanour. Even your voice is a bit softer. Really, you’re nothing like yourself. Though I suppose it’s not really your fault you can’t tell”

“What? Erika, what the hell are you talking about?” Is she on drugs or something?

“I mean, just think about it. Don’t you remember what I did to you last time I met? Because Kirika would hate me for that, she might get over it, and she might even come to care about me again at some point. But she would, wouldn’t she?” Erika says.

“No, I wouldn’t. I mean, I was hurt, but your parents were divorcing, and you were moving away. So I know you didn’t mean for that to happen. Even if that wasn’t a nice time for me,” Kirika replies.

Erika giggles, “Now that’s just not like you at all, Kirika. Don’t you remember why you’ve been alone so long? Don’t you remember why you destroyed yourself?”

“Erika? Seriously, are you ok? I know things ended badly between us but, this isn’t ok” Not to mention Kirika really prefers not thinking about all the time she was alone. It was, despite her best efforts, awful. So she doesn’t really appreciate the reminder.

“You’re right, this isn’t. I would want to talk to the person who was my old friend, not the person wearing her face under a layer of pink”

“Seriously, what the hell is this. Did you take something? Should I take you to the hospital or something?”

Erika steps closer to Kirika “No, I’m seeing perfectly clearly. You’re hiding yourself though. You really should ask that partner of yours to look through your memories. They’re so fuzzy right now”

Kirika freezes. That. Erika shouldn’t know about that.

Kirika only just stumbles out of the way when Erika’s hand cuts through where her head was a moment ago, leaving only a slight cut on her cheek. What’s around her hand is the energy of a wraith, not a human.

Kirika jumps back and transforms. That thing, whatever it is, isn’t Erika. Just an imposter using her form.

“Oops, I missed. Sorry Kirika” Erika’s body deforms, spaces being created between her limbs connected by black matter, geometric shapes forming in the space between.

It’s a wraith, a wraith that just copied her old best friend, somehow.

Rather than stick around to fight, the wraith leaps back, seemingly intending to escape.

Kirika doesn’t let it, extending and curling her claws so that the pink energy of the hooks around the matter in the gap between her torso and legs, then pulling her in, cutting through some of the material as she does.

The Erika wraith fires a beam at her with its hands, which Kirika blocks with her other claw, using her magic to fill in the gaps in the claw to make a shield.

When the wraith is pulled in, it swings at her again, but Kirika dodges under it and uses her claw already on the wraith to cut through it, sharpening the claw with magic. The Erika wraith glitches where Kirika cut it, the matter trying to reconnect despite dispersing.

Kirika uses the chance, putting her other claw through its head. The wraith disintegrates, leaving nothing but a grief cube in its wake.

“What… What was that… And what the hell was it talking about?”

Kirika’s pretty sure it was just trying to catch her off guard. Yet, why talk about her memories and how she isn’t herself or something? That doesn’t make sense. She can’t be anyone but herself.

Either way, that was weird, and more than a little threatening if it had caught Kirika any more off guard.

Kirika needs to get to Homura, to get to the bottom of whatever that thing was, and if there are more of them.

Notes:

There is still a little bit of Kirika there. Even if it's merged with everything else.

The great thing about wraith arc humanoid wraiths is that they all work based on Homura's memory magic, and they are big fans of screwing with people.

Chapter 10: She is my past, present and future. I will let nothing take that from me.

Summary:

Homura learns some intresting things about her best friend's memory.

As Homura walks Home, she finds it impossible to fully suppress the smile that tries to bloom on her face.

In some ways, that might seem strange, after all, the meeting with Mami and Kyouko went about as badly as it could have, while still having them work together at the end. Kyouko may have permanently damaged her relationship with Madoka before it could even be made, and Mami is tarnished by proximity.

As far as relations building exercises, this was the most pyrrhic of victories. Sure, they agreed to hunt the giant wraith together, but Homura’s fairly sure that the chances of Madoka and Homura working closely with Kyouko and Mami after that are lower now than before the meeting.

Yet Homura cannot help but feel glad.

When Kyouko accused Homura of not truly caring about Madoka’s ribbon and what it represented, it hurt more than Homura will ever admit. Because the fact Homura has been able to accept that loss at all is something that only days ago would have been unthinkable.

And so, for a few moments, Homura was left questioning her devotion and whether she was failing Madoka by being willing to move past the loss of her last gift to Homura.

But then Madoka said exactly what Homura needed to hear. Because Madoka is right, her feelings and devotion will never wane. Homura’s heart and soul belong to Madoka before all else. That she could ever question that is the height of foolishness. As Madoka was keen to remind her.

Homura knows that Madoka has no memories of Homura of the previous timelines, but when she talks to Homura so directly and understands her feelings so deeply. Sometimes it feels like Madoka hasn’t forgotten at all. As if echoes of all the times Homura has bared her heart to Madoka live on in her current incarnation.

Then, when the meeting came to an end, and the inevitable invitation to Mami’s was offered, Homura was certain that Madoka would accept. Yet she refused, not because Mami was off-putting or even that Kyouko had been rude to Madoka, but rather because of Homura.

Maybe in the past, that would hurt Homura, to feel like she was holding back her best friend from making better relationships. But this time, when Madoka said that she prefers to be with Homura, it made Homura feel like her heart was racing away from her.

Then Madoka said that Homura is her best friend. It’s true, Homura knows. After all, this Madoka lacks her other close friends due to her divergent history. Yet to have that relationship acknowledged, to know that for the first time in so, so long, Madoka sees Homura as Homura sees her.

It’s everything.

Madoka said she would always care, and she said it with such sincerity, such warmth and affection, that Homura knows that no matter what will come to pass, that will always remain true.

Somehow, in this happier world that Madoka brought about through her wish, Homura’s wish has been fulfilled as well. Not her stated one. That she would be the one to protect Madoka. But rather the one that Homura has held inside her since that first meeting with Madoka.

That she could see the future by her side, and have the person who means the world to her see Homura in the way Homura sees her.

Madoka has chosen Homura, not through coercion or manipulation. But truthfully and sincerely. She’s seen Homura, not just the surface, but the fractures, the devotion that lives in her heart, the doubts that plague her and the parts of herself that she’s lost. She’s seen all that, and has embraced Homura without a single doubt.

So, knowing all that, Homura really is in a rare good mood.

Yesterday, spending the day with Madoka, not as magical girls, but rather friends. Hanging out, playing games and having a sleepover. It’s the type of thing that Homura has prayed to be able to have for years. To have that hope rewarded and then reaffirmed today.

It makes Homura, for the first time in a while, look forward to what the future holds, rather than just wander onward with nothing but embers of devotion to let her keep going.

Homura’s walk back home is interrupted by her phone ringing. When she gets it out, she finds that the caller is Madoka. She quickly accepts and puts the phone to her ear.

“Homura, is that you?”

“Yes Kirika. What are you calling about? Did you forget something?” Homura can’t think of that many reasons for Kirika to call when they talked under half an hour ago in person.

“Homura, we need to meet up. Something happened. How close are you to your flat?” Madoka sounds on edge.

The contentment Homura had been feeling leaks out of her, leaving a sort of hollow tension. Of course something happened. Homura should have known that the fact she was feeling happy meant some new cataclysm would come down from the heavens to smite her.

“I’m a couple minutes away. Why, what happened?”

“Ok, go to your flat, I’ll head over. It will be easier to explain in person, but I was attacked by a wraith”

“What? Did you enter a miasma?” The thought seems mad. Homura’s trained Madoka more than well enough to know that entering a miasma without backup is unwise.

“No, it attacked me in the open, and it wasn’t a normal wraith. It disguised itself as that former friend of mine I mentioned yesterday to get me to lower my guard before attacking”

“What? Wraiths don’t do that? They're more or less standardised. I’ve never heard of one appearing out of a miasma, talk about disguising itself as a person” What the hell attacked Madoka?

“I know, but whatever this is, it said some concerning stuff before attacking me. Stuff that we need to talk about in person, beyond whatever new threat this is”

“Kirika, just to make sure, are you absolutely certain that the person that attacked you was a wraith, rather than a disguised magical girl?” That seems like the more rational explanation, wraiths can’t do that kind of thing. They aren’t individually unique like witches or the type to pull mind games. Even that giant wraith is an outlier, but it still fits the theme of wraiths.

“Considering I’m holding its grief cube, yes,” Madoka confirms.

“You destroyed it then?”

“Yes, when its surprise attack failed, it tried to retreat. I managed to get it before it could, though. When I damaged it, it glitched like a wraith, and when I killed it, the cube dropped, and the body vanished”
“That’s beyond concerning. How far out are you?”

“I’m getting the bus over. Give me 10 minutes, and I’ll be around”

“Ok, see you soon,” Homura unlocks her flat and steps inside. Before settling down to wait for Madoka.

Homura has a sinking feeling that whatever just attacked Madoka won’t be a one off. Homura has come to learn that when it rains, it pours and has little reason to believe this to be the thing that will prove that wrong.

A few minutes later, Madoka arrives and is let in by Homura.

“Ok, so what actually happened?” Homura asks after greeting Madoka. She would love to just spend time with her without having to get right down to it, but protecting Madoka is always the most important thing. So Homura cannot afford to waste a moment.

“The wraith looked exactly like Erika. It had her voice, too. It started talking to me, first kinda what you would expect from a friend you haven’t met for a long time, before it got weird. Accusing me of having changed and not being myself. Then she mentioned something about my memories being fuzzy before she attacked while I was distracted by what she was saying”

“The wraith, it could communicate coherently?

“Yeah, it even referenced the incident that broke off me and Erika’s friendship without me ever mentioning it. With that and its weird comments about my memories, I think it might have been basing itself on my thoughts about Erika or something. I don’t know though, you’re experienced, right? What do you think?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never encountered a wraith that could communicate, or any that displayed individually in any way. This is outside of my experience, though the idea it made use of your memories is concerning” Why would that thing show up now? And if there was one, could there be more of them?

Madoka sighs, “Ok, we’re both in the dark then. I suppose we can ask Kyubey later?”

As much as Homura hates that insufferable thing, it does have incentive to assist magical girls against wraiths, so she’s willing to bet that if Kyubey knows about this type of wraith, then it will tell her about it.

“That would be wise, he may know nothing, but if this has come up before, then he is likely to know more than us,” Homura agrees.

“Ok, um. Could you check my memories? I’m kinda concerned about what the wraith said about them being fuzzy. I don’t think it messed with my head? It more sounded like it was commenting on something already there. Either way, I’d feel more comfortable with a second opinion about it,” Madoka asks.

“Are you sure? Me actively checking your memories is a rather large invasion of privacy,” Homura points out.

“I know, but I trust you with anything you might see in there. Besides, it’s not like I want you to check my entire life, just the memories before my wish and a bit after them. Since this might be related to the fact I couldn’t remember my wish,” Madoka notes.

Homura never did learn what caused that, so she supposes Madoka has a point. It is worth checking.

“I’m glad I’ve proved myself worthy of such trust. Are you ready?” Homura looks at Madoka and prepares her magic.

“Go for it,” Madoka encourages.

Homura first looks at a few memories from after Kirika’s wish, such as yesterday and the archery practise at the start of the week. As far as she can tell, these are perfectly ordinary and clear memories. Nothing that would make them seem abnormal.

When she gets to just before the wish, however, she finds the same fog over the memories that was over the wish itself. Which, as Homura checks, seems to go back about two weeks of memories before the wish.

It is when Homura checks the memories before the fog however, that things get even more concerning. The memories before the fog seem to have a strange sheen to them and are strangely hazy. Not in the normal way of a faded memory, but like the entire thing is slightly blurred.

Out of concern, Homura skims over Madoka’s memories, not looking at the memories aside from noting the sheen and haze. Some, Homura notices have much less haze. It seems to be less present on earlier memories. The encounter Madoka mentioned with Erika is crystal clear, but still has that sheen over it.

Homura leaves Madoka’s memory, feeling infinitely more concerned now than she was before checking them.

Madoka blinks a few times and shakes her head before she fully comes out of the magic induced trance Homura’s magic put her in to do such a deep dive through her memories.

“Um, did you do it?” Madoka asks.

“I did. Your memories are strange”

“Err, what do you mean by that? You didn’t see anything weird in there, did you?” Madoka’s cheeks colour.

Homura blinks in confusion, before realising that Madoka was referring to a different type of weird to what Homura was talking about “No, not like that. It’s that your memories after your wish are clear, but the ones a few weeks before it are fogged, like your wish was. Not to mention almost all the memories before that are slightly hazy and have a strange sheen over them. I’ve not seen anything like it”

The colour in Madoka’s cheeks drains out, replaced by the much less enjoyable sight of her paling “What does that mean?” There is real fear in her voice.

“I don’t know, like I’ve said, I’ve not encountered anything like it. I don’t have the first clue how I would reverse it either, since your memories aren’t blocked just off. Without the original memories, I doubt I could put them back to what they should be. Assuming they ever were different. For all I know, they were always like that” As much as Homura hates to admit it, this is past her experience with her magic. She’s used her magic sparingly and even then made her changes rather blatantly. Not whatever weirdness is going on with Madoka’s memories.

Homura doesn’t even have the experience to guess what that is, or what caused it. Aside from the fact that it is all before her wish. Except her wish can’t be responsible, because it was healing a cat, something that shouldn’t have any effects on Madoka herself.

“So, what do I do?” Homura hates to see Madoka afraid, especially when she has no way to fix it.

“As far as I know? Nothing. If we encounter any more of those wraiths you mentioned, we might be able to learn more. Aside from that, maybe you could ask Kyubey if he has any ideas? Tell him what I told you about them being hazy and having a sheen over them. Maybe he’ll have some idea I don’t?” When Homura finds herself recommending asking Kyubey of all things, she knows it means she’s scarily out of her depth.

“Ok, I suppose that’s the plan then. Do you think it's having any effects on me right now?”

“I don’t think so. If I had to guess, this has been that way for a while, rather than that wraith managing to distort your entire memories, but only before your wish. If it had that power, I fail to see how you could have won the fight, which the grief cube you have from it proves you did. Furthermore, I didn’t see the traces I think that would have left”

Homura’s fairly sure she would be able to tell if the memories were full on altered. Unnatural memories are notably different from normal ones. Even if it would be hard for anyone not looking at them with magic like Homura’s to tell. Memories have a kind of metadata, the context surrounding the events, that Homura is fairly sure it would be impossible to perfectly replicate. It’s just too complex and interlinked. So the fact that bit didn’t seem at all off gives Homura the impression that Madoka’s memories weren’t altered directly to something else, like Homura could do.

“Oh, so… We don’t know, and there is nothing we can actually do,” Madoka confirms.

“More or less. I don’t think it’s harmful, just, off from normal” Though Homura does have one guess of what it could be. Though it’s one she can’t share with Madoka.

If Kirika is, as Homura has assumed, directly sourced from Madoka. The soul or essence of Madoka finding a new place in the universe, now that the original cannot exist, then she can think of a possibility. Did Kirika fully exist before her wish? Or did she simply appear fully formed, with a history that has enough detail for a life, but not what anyone would have if they actually lived said life? Is it possible that Kirika is an even more literal embodiment of Madoka than Homura had assumed? One that was wished into existence, or maybe created by Madoka’s greater self as a concept? Brought into being retroactively, rather than having existed a moment before she came into this world.

Just like how Homura appeared in this world as herself, with her past something that exists despite Homura never experiencing it. Due to her experiencing her original past instead. The past of the old world.

Of course, if that is true, then it will be impossible to prove. Either Kyubey will not know Madoka’s wish, like how it doesn’t know Homura’s. Or it will remember the wish Madoka made retroactively, and so not be able to tell Homura anything new.

Still, it is as good a hypothesis as Homura can come up with. Not to mention explaining why Homura encountered Madoka the day after she made her wish, despite never seeing her a single time before then. Surely Homura would have noticed someone so Madoka like in her school, unless of course, she didn’t exist in her school until she suddenly always had.

“So, I’m safe then? Nothing’s going to go wrong?” Madoka asks, cutting off Homura’s theorising.

“Yes, I am mostly sure that there is no risk. Nor do any of your recent memories seem at all affected, so I think you’re fine. Even if it is rather curious”

“Ok, I believe you. I suppose I should go then? I don’t think this place has a guest room” Kirika points out.

“No, it is a single bedroom flat, and considering you have school tomorrow, you probably need things you have stored at home” Homura points out. Madoka’s school bag and clothes aren’t at hers after all.

“Oh, yeah, obviously. Ok, well, I’ll stay on guard for any familiar faces. I suppose you should do the same if there are more of those things. Anyway, I’ll text you when I get home so you know I’m safe”

“Of course, see you soon, Kirika”

“See you, Homura. I’ll be looking forward to it” Madoka still seems slightly shaken by what Homura’s told her, but she’s always been good at putting up a strong front.

Madoka hugs Homura for a blissful moment before the two separate, and she departs.

As concerning as that wraith is, especially with what it could imply. At least Homura isn’t too worried about Madoka’s memories. Assuming her idea has some basis in the truth at least.

So despite some worries, and a bit of the contentment from earlier being soured. Once Homura receives Madoka’s text telling Homura she got home safe. She manages to find the evening perfectly pleasant.

She still has Madoka after all. So long as Homura can continue to defend her. So long as that tomorrow remains. Homura cannot help but find the future something that holds more hope than despair.

Notes:

Not quite time for the full reveal, but Homura does have some of the pieces now. She just needs a little more for the truth to fall into place. For now, we get Homura's new theory as to how all this still makes sense with Kirika being Madoka.