Chapter Text
Hello selected candidate, Cater Diamond,
I'm reaching out on behalf of the Briar Valley Department of Tourism to offer YOU a job opportunity! This is a new and exciting business venture that YOU could be a part of! How would YOU like to work as a reporter, writer, photographer, influencer YOU NAME IT! Whatever YOU want to be, we will allow it!
Create YOUR own hours! Do whatever YOU want! Post on social media a lot! How much will YOU be paid? YOU decide! I don't care!
We just want YOU, Cater!
This is YOUR chance to make history and put Briar Valley on the map!
YOU can respond to this email or call us at this number with any questions, comments, or concerns: (+353) XXX - XXX - XXXX
Can't wait to hear from YOU, Mr. Diamond,
Director and Chief of the Briar Valley Department of Tourism,
Lilia Vanrouge
XOXO
"… Like that is the most suspicious sounding email, right?" Cater finishes reading off his laptop screen. He sits in the middle of his bed in his shitty cheap apartment while staring at what has to be a scam email. A half empty buffalo chicken pizza box, $10 sushi, and mostly melted limeade slushie surround his poor overheating laptop. He has work at his minimum wage secretary job (that he hates) in four hours. Life after NRC is going great as you can tell.
"Yeah, but it also sounds like how I imagine Lilia writes emails. I mean Lilia never emailed me back in school, but if you told me he emails like that, I would believe you," Trey's tinny voice replies over the phone, "But it does sound like those Sunset Savanna Prince email scams we were warned about all the time,"
The former diamond suit clears his throat, "Dear Cater Diamond, this is Leona Kingscholar. I need to open an off shore bank account in your name," The redhead ends his terrible impression with a cackle.
Trey laughs as well, "I guess those scams really don't work when you go to school with several celebrities, royals, and nobles," His chuckle dies down, "But back to the Lilia email. While in character, Lilia could just text you, right? Do you two still keep in touch?"
"Kinda yeah. The pop music club has a group chat. We're mostly sending memes to each other, and Kalim keeps inviting us to parties, but Lils and I can never make it to any of them. So he could've just texted me if he had a business opportunity," Cater shoves a whole piece of spicy tempura shrimp sushi into his mouth. He didn't feel like doing the dishes, so he's using his hands and getting spicy mayo all over his fingers, "But the XOXO just screams Lilia though, y'know?" His point is garbled with the sushi in his mouth as he searches for a napkin.
"Don't talk with food in your mouth,"
"Sorry Mom,"
"Ugh, anyways," Trey moves past Cater's teasing chuckle, "Does the phone number in the email match Lilia's? Whether it does or doesn't you should probably still text him about it,"
"Oh my Seven Trey, you're sooooo smart!" Cater holds the vowel out for too long, "The phone numbers don't match,"
The baker sighs, "Don't say it like that. It sounds sarcastic,"
"Me? Sarcastic? Never," He says sarcastically.
"Just text Lilia, Asshole,"
Cater sticks his tongue out at his phone before he remembers that Trey can't see it, "I'm keeping you on call though,"
"Whatever, just know that you're on speaker and my parents just walked into the kitchen," The faint voices of the Clover parents saying saying "Good morning," could be heard in the background.
"Hi Ramsey! Hi Delta!" The redhead opens his messenger app and finds the contact labeled "Lils .𖥔 ݁ ˖🦇 ݁˖ ݁𖥔 ." (Lilia chose it himself).
"Hi Cater, how are you?" Trey's mother, Delta, seems to have gotten closer to the phone, "And what time is it over where you are? It's four AM in the Queendom right now,"
"Oh, it's six over here. I just woke up early, but more importantly, I'm doing great Delty! Trey and I are just trying to figure out if one of our classmates is trying to reconnect or if I'm being scammed," Cater hopes Trey doesn't point out that while yes, there is a two hour time difference between the Clovers' part of the Queendom of Roses and Cater's part of the Shaftlands, it's actually in the other direction. The 2:15 AM in the corner of his screen haunts him for lying to the benevolent Clover parents, "Hey… Lils…" He whispers out loud as he types, "How's… it… going?… I… just… got… an… email… that… claims… to… be… from… you… Am… I… being… scammed… or… are… you… just… being… weird?"
*DING* Cater's laptop alerts him to a new email.
Wow Cater. You think I'm trying to scam you. I'm truly hurt and offended.
Did you not sense my adorable energy through the email? Were the XOXO's at the end not enough?
Here I am trying to help out one of my besties and you accuse me of being a Charlton.
You hurt my feelings Cater. You really did.
I think I'm going to rescind my offer.
Truly offended,
Director and Chief of the Briar Valley Department of Tourism AND BETRAYED FORMER BESTIE,
Lilia Vanrouge
P.S. JK XOXOXOXOXO bestie I love you!!!! <3 I'm never rescinding my offer!
"So it's definitely Lilia," Trey says once Cater finishes reading the new email out loud.
"Oh yeah def," Cater takes a pause to give a loud slurp of his watery slushie, "But still doesn't mean it's not a scam, or I guess prank would be more accurate now,"
"Eh, just email him. If it's a prank, he'll have fun with you playing into his game. If it's not a prank, then maybe you'll get a new job. That is what this whole email thing was about, right?"
"I'll play, Lils," Cater whispers, "Sorry Clovers, but I'm going to hang up on y'all now. Bye Trey! Bye Delta! Bye Ramsey! Tell the brats that I miss them!"
Trey sighs, "Bye Cater, and don't call my siblings brats,"
"I'm a younger sibling too, I can call them brats if I want to. Milton and Pepper love me. You wouldn't get it, older sibling (derogatory),"
"Just call Lilia, you ass,"
"DELTA! RAMSEY! TREY CALLED ME AN ASS!" Cater finishes his tattling despite the fact that he could hear Trey hanging up on him. He sends a quick middle finger emoji to Trey before quickly typing in the number that Lilia provided in his initial email. The phone only ringed once before the call went through.
"Hey Lils-"
"Good evening Mr. Cater Diamond. I'm Lilia Vanrouge, director and chief of the newly instated Briar Valley Department of Tourism TM," Cater gets cut off with a way too excited Lilia, "I trust you're calling about the job opportunity I emailed you about,"
Emerald eyes playfully roll at Lilia's attempts at being a serious professional, "Why I am, Mr. Vanrouge. Your email was quite intriguing and I wanted to know more,"
"Kufufu, I can't take you seriously!" A tinny chuckle echos over Cater's phone speaker, "Mr. Vanrouge? That's hilarious! Kufufufu!"
Cater takes another bite of pizza while Lilia giggles, "Did you email me just for some kind of corporate role play?" He takes a slurp of watery slushie, "I mean, I'm not mad if that's the case,"
"Do you really think so lowly of me, Cater? I'm hurt," The red head can hear the fake pout over the phone, "I'm being very serious about my job offer!"
"Alright alright, I'll listen. What exactly are you offering?"
"I'm so happy you asked!" Shuffling papers can be heard on the other side of the call, "So, Briar Valley has a bit of a problem. Our economy is very stagnant and most people don't have a great opinion of the kingdom. People seem to think Briar Valley is spooky, unpleasant, and gloomy, AND they still don't trust Malleus! Which leads me to my idea: The Briar Valley Department of Tourism! A whole government department with the goal of improving Briar Valley's public image!"
"Like a PR team?" Cater tries to process the information in his sleep deprived brain, "Did you just create a whole department to fix Briar Valley's rep? Have you always had that much power in their government?"
"Cater, I was the unofficial second consort to Malleus' mom. I got exiled from Blackscale Castle and had the senators on their ghostly knees begging me to return. Malleus couldn't care less what his senators and advisors say, he only passively listened to his grandmother, Sevens rest her soul, yet I could put him in time out. Briar Valley's government is my bitch,"
"I have so many more questions that I'm going to ignore for now," Cater puts Lila on speaker as he starts sending a text to Trey, "Moving past all that, why do you want me on your PR team? I'm not even a citizen of Briar Valley,"
(LILIA WAS IN A PLOYCULE WITH MALLEUS' MOM!!!!) Cater texts to his best friend.
"Semantics semantics," More papers are shuffled on the Fae's side of the call, "Citizenship can easily be arranged and besides you being a foreigner helps. You know better how to appeal to people in other countries! You majored in marketing, right? Market Briar Valley!"
The red head rubs his temples, "Fixing the reputation of an entire kingdom is far beyond whatever they taught me in my marketing classes. I haven't even had a job related to marketing since I graduated. I'm a fucking secretary! You're putting a lot of faith onto guy who can easily fuck this up,"
"Then let's fuck it up!"
Silence fills both sides as Cater confirms that he heard Lilia correctly, "What?"
"There's always a chance you'll fuck up anything, especially something as high profile as this, so fuck it up. Make mistakes, take risks, accidentally start a war with the Scalding Sands! Fuck. It. Up!" Lilia claps to punctuate his words, "I believe in us, Silver believes in us, Sebek believes in us, Malleus believes in us. Talk to Trey and I'm sure he'll believe in us, so lets do it. Let's fuck up while trying to save a kingdom,"
This is one of the stupidest things Cater has ever heard. It's honestly a contender for the worst motivational speech in the world. Briar Valley's economy and Malleus' reputation would be in Cater's hands. A human foreigner who knows nothing of the complex politics of a kingdom's reputation. Briar Valley is notorious for it's human racism, brutal war against the humans, and an ever shrinking human population. A whole kingdom that has nothing but disdain for humans for over 400 years would be putting it's life into a human's hands.
Malleus would be asking Cater to turn his apocalyptic overblot around. An overblot that still haunts the King even seven years later. Malleus hast to trust that his lackadaisical classmate who was obsessed with selfies and trends became a political savant in the past seven years. A classmate Malleus barely interacted with. Cater isn't even sure that Malleus likes him.
Lilia fills Cater's silence, "I know it's a lot to ask, but I know you can do it. You've got a sizable following on magicam, a quick wit, and a social awareness that Briar Valley is lacking. I believe in you,"
He's just the son of a middle class banker living in a shitty apartment surrounded by shittier cheap food stuck in a boring job that he doesn't have the money to leave. Sizable following? That's just a thousand followers. He's still a no name. Lilia wants this no name insomniac to help his beloved homeland?
"Ah Diamond. Come in," The graying woman flippantly waves the secretary into her office. She makes no effort to move or hide the papers she was signing away from the young man. The whole office has been having a slow day, so she welcomed anything new, "What can I do for you, Cater?"
The mentioned red head takes a big breath before sitting down, "Hi Mrs. Bonfamille, I wanted to turn in my two weeks notice,"