Chapter Text
There were no clouds in the sky, and the sun was shining brightly. The heat was a bit scorching, any cool breeze usually found in the higher altitudes of Cloud Recesses not much present down the mountain. It was a typical summer day.
The streets of Caiyi were bustling with people coming and going — busy merchants running their shops, costumers running errands, children just…. well, just running.
Everyone seemed to be going somewhere with a sense of purpose, full of determination, eager to complete their tasks.
It only made Lan Wangji’s drifting figure stand out more in comparison.
He walked slowly along the market stalls, eyes fixed on the horizon to avoid unnecessary eye contact, one hand at the small of his back and the other on his sword — his go-to ‘I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-my-hands-when-I-walk’ posture.
Thankfully, a Gusu Lan cultivator wasn’t exactly a rare sight in Caiyi, so he didn’t cause much of a commotion when he passed by. People just stole a glance and moved aside so as to not bump into him.
Nevertheless, in Lan Wangji’s opinion, it didn’t make for a pleasant stroll. It was still loud and crowded, and he always felt uneasy whenever he found himself in public spaces without any specific reason to be there, no task to complete or set place to go. All in all, Caiyi was rarely a relaxing place to be. Whenever he wanted to clear his head a bit, he vastly preferred staying in the Cloud Recesses, either meditating in the Cold Springs, playing his guqin, reading or something of the sort.
Unfortunately, that was out of the question right now.
Since the guest lectures had started, Lan Wangji couldn’t find a mere fen of peace in his own home. The guest lectures were always frustrating for him, overall, but that specific year’s were being pure, unrelenting torture.
Even though he tried his best to pretend he was fine and totally not about to run away into the woods — never to be seen again in this lifetime — anyone who knew him more closely (about two people) could notice he wasn’t faring so spectacularly well, after all.
“Is something bothering you, didi? You seem somewhat distressed lately,” his brother had gently asked one afternoon while they were having tea.
Lan Wangji had refused to look up from his teacup, a bit fearful of Lan Xichen’s ability to read his emotions just by scanning his face.
“The guest disciples are causing many disturbances,” he had answered. It was not a lie.
His brother had smiled a bit too knowingly for his taste, but thankfully didn’t press any further.
“Have you considered keeping a diary? Perhaps writing down your thoughts and feelings would help you sort them out a bit,” had been his suggestion.
Lan Wangji had just silently nodded in acceptance. He didn’t think that would help him at all. The things going through his mind were already too devoid of elegance to be spoken out loud. Being able to talk about them with eloquence wouldn’t make them any better, and to have it registered on paper would only be producing evidence of the fact.
Still, to his credit, if not about his thoughts and feelings like his brother had suggested, Lan Wangji had at least tried to write down about his days, hoping that the act of concentrating on his brushstrokes and remembering the tasks he had accomplished during the previous shichen would soothe him and help him unwind a little.
The problem was that every single entry in his diary had been a variation of the phrase ‘It’s a lovely morning in the Cloud Recesses, and Wei Wuxian is a horrible disciple’.
Writing about his day only served as a reminder of the reason Lan Wangji was feeling so out of his wits lately, just made him relive all the attacks to his mental stability he had suffered during the last few shichen in the hands of his sanity’s number one enemy.
Wei Wuxian was the reason Lan Wangji had tried journaling to relax in the first place. He was the reason Lan Wangji couldn’t go meditate in the Cold Springs, he was the reason he couldn’t concentrate on playing his guqin, he was the reason he couldn’t feel at peace reading a book in the library. He was the reason Lan Wangji couldn’t even feel relaxed while walking around his own sect’s grounds anymore!
He was also the reason Lan Wangji was currently mindlessly roaming around Caiyi like a confused ghost who wasn’t sure about how to properly haunt a place. Or maybe it would be more correct to say, in this case, that Wei Wuxian was the overly competent ghost haunting his house and Lan Wangji was the poor scared villager running away from him. Yeah, that sounded about right.
Not that Lan Wangji was completely safe in Caiyi either. Wei Wuxian could just as well show up there and torment him in a myriad of horrible ways. But at least, for now, he was sure Wei Wuxian was in the Cloud Recesses, and Caiyi was a bit far, as well as bigger and easier to hide in. Worst case scenario, Lan Wangji would have half a shichen to himself before Wei Wuxian found him.
And well, there was also the bonus that the ‘no fighting without permission’ rule mostly pertained to fights within the Cloud Recesses’ premises, so there was not much stopping Lan Wangji from losing his cool and jumping Wei Wuxian in case he came all the way to Caiyi to bother him. Lan Wangji almost wished for that to happen so he could throw himself at Wei Wuxian, push him into one of Caiyi’s waterways and try to drown him there — just to immediately regret it and pull him out of the water to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, to open the front of his robes to massage his chest, touching him with the excuse of saving his life while secretly relishing the way Wei Wuxian’s lips and skin would feel on Lan Wangji’s own and—
No. No, not again, Lan Wangji despaired. I am thinking of him like that again. Stop! What is wrong with me?
It was maddening. Lan Wangji truly felt as if he was being followed around by a mischievous spirit. He was fearful of being chased around by Wei Wuxian while walking around the sect grounds. He was scared of Wei Wuxian taking advantage of his distraction while reading a book in the library and ambushing him with rabbits or spring books. He was avoiding his guqin because all he could think about was composing love songs for Wei Wuxian. He was terrified of going to the Cold Springs and Wei Wuxian showing up there, naked and way too close.
Yes, his home was being haunted by the Jiang Sect’s head disciple. But the place that Wei Wuxian definitely haunted the most was not the buildings of the Cloud Recesses: it was Lan Wangji’s mind.
And especially his dreams.
It had started pretty tame, just reruns of all the absurdities Wei Wuxian would do or say during the day, a repeat of that same torment without much novelty.
It was only after the spring book incident that things got a bit more… creative.
Apparently, the few instants Lan Wangji had looked at the disgraceful illustration Wei Wuxian had showed him were enough for his brain to get a sudden bout of inspiration, jumbling the contents extracted from all the accidental glimpses he had gotten of every single spring book he had ever confiscated in his life to create an infinite stream of scandalous scenarios — scenarios that would be turned into whole productions in Lan Wangji’s head, whose premieres would occur during his sleep and that his brain would always be kind enough to invite him to appreciate, of course, because things weren’t bad enough already!
He was being driven to complete insanity. Each morning Lan Wangji would wake up only to find his pants tented — in the case the dream had featured a quiet and docile Wei Wuxian offering himself up voluntarily to Lan Wangji — or completely wet and sticky between his legs — if he had forced an unwilling Wei Wuxian into submission, taking what he wanted from him despite the crying and begging for mercy. The fact that his body seemed to suggest that, between those two types of dreams, Lan Wangji had a preference for the latter disturbed him immensely.
And what was one supposed to do in such a situation? Lan Wangji truly didn’t know how to deal with this, nor felt it would be wise to ask for help — because then he would have to explain to the poor soul who volunteered to help him what his conundrum was. Even with him being the only one aware of what was going on, the embarrassment and guilt were consuming him alive. He couldn’t even conceive the utter shame he would feel if someone else were to know about it.
He knew his brother wouldn’t judge him for having romantic feelings for someone, no matter if the someone in question was a boy — and even if he wasn’t just a boy, but an awful boy, the worst boy of them all. Lan Wangji, however, was still judging himself, especially because he was keenly aware of how much his feelings went beyond just an innocent infatuation. On top of everything, due to his strong tendency to be overly succinct, he was afraid that his nervousness would push him to skip the usual and expected ‘lately, I have been feeling things…’ and straight up answer his brother’s ‘what’s bothering you?’ question with a laconic ‘wet dreams about Wei Wuxian’ reply.
No, it was better to spare both him and Lan Xichen from the awkwardness.
So that was his current predicament: feeling always stressed, confused, anxious and horny, yearning for a boy who chased him around saying cheeky things just for laughs, knowing he couldn’t ask anyone for advice and that no one would come to his rescue.
The worst of all was trying to pretend Wei Wuxian’s provocations didn’t affect him, didn’t make his heart beat faster and butterflies surge in his stomach, igniting that ridiculous spark of hope that insisted that Wei Wuxian was really flirting with him and that it meant something, even though Wei Wuxian flirted with every maiden he crossed paths with, was always—
“…always chatting up all the girls, that shameless boy! Showering them with compliments, teasing and winking, such a flirt! He seems to be specially interested in going after my niece lately!” the voice of a woman reached Lan Wangji’s ears, making him automatically bristle, the now very familiar feeling of jealousy coiling in his guts. Against his own will, he was now paying full attention to the conversation, tuning his hearing to not miss a single word coming from the three ladies, who appeared to be loquat sellers.
“Oh, is he the boy who was following her around yesterday?” said a younger woman. “When I was coming back from the vegetable stall, I saw A-Fang doing the laundry by the river while this young man kept jokingly trying to steal the robes from her basket so she would chase after him.”
Lan Wangji could almost taste vinegar in his mouth if he concentrated enough.
He does this to everyone. I’m not special. It doesn’t mean anything to him. The reason he is more insistent with me is because he finds my stiffness and lack of social skills funny, he repeated to himself like a mantra.
“Yeah, that was probably him,” the woman who had first spoken, a chubby middle aged lady, confirmed, sounding a bit exasperated.
“Aiyah, doesn't he have anything better to do? Shouldn’t he be helping his father at the apothecary?”
“He’s the youngest, so his older brothers are the ones who are usually helping the family’s business. This leaves him free to roam around, sadly.”
Lan Wangji blinked, a bit thrown off. So those women weren’t talking about Wei Wuxian. Apparently his jealousy had peaked to new heights and was now at a level where just the mere mention of a shameless boy flirting with maidens had Lan Wangji assuming it was Wei Wuxian, leaving him spiraling into madness and drowning in vinegar. Great.
Lan Wangji was about to pick up the pace and leave, still feeling hot with embarrassment — both from acting like a possessive lovesick young maiden as well as from shamelessly eavesdropping on other people’s conversations — when the next words exchanged by the ladies made him slow down his stride once again.
“Poor A-Fang, she’s such a quiet, well-behaved girl. Having such a rowdy boy teasing her all the time must be tough. Xiao Guo must be really getting to her nerves.”
“I guess only her politeness is holding her back from snapping at this point. She must hate him passionately,” the third woman, who hadn’t spoken until now, commented.
“Ha! That’s where you get it wrong, Tianmei,” the older woman, A-Fang’s aunt, laughed. “My niece likes that brat.”
“No way!” the other two gasped. Tianmei pressed a bit, “Fuhui-jie, are you sure?”
“A-yi, maybe you’re mistaken this time? She looked so angry when I saw them by the river,” the younger one said.
“A-Sun, I’m surely not mistaken. If you had watched them interact a bit more attentively you’d certainly reach the same conclusion. She blushes and looks annoyed when he teases her, but looks even more annoyed when he teases another girl. What else could it be?” Fuhui simply stated, and the other two seemed to take that as enough proof.
Is it that obvious? Can anyone notice you like someone just by this?, Lan Wangji wondered, anxiously gripping onto Bichen’s hilt until his knuckles turned white. He was now standing in the middle of the street, his body disobeying his orders to stop listening in and move away.
“Aiyah, that’s a problem,” A-Sun said. “What a horrible feeling it must be, liking a boy that is always scattering his affections everywhere!”
“And who keeps giving you hope because he seems to be obsessed with teasing you specifically! Must be awful!”
Indeed! It is awful, indeed! Madam has no idea!, Lan Wangji added in his own mind. He was now fussing with his money pouch, just to appear as if he was doing something, feeling self aware from the looks thrown his way by the people who didn’t understand why he had stopped in the middle of the road.
“She should do something about it, or else she’ll just keep suffering,” Tianmei commented.
“Do what? What can a maiden do in this situation?” A-Sun asked.
Precisely. What can one do in this situation?, Lan Wangji was also desperate to know, despite not being a maiden.
He was a bit flabbergasted, in fact. He had never truly related to his peers, other boys his age who also cultivated and were sect disciples or heirs. That he would end up relating so much to a lovesick maiden of the common folk he had never even seen in person was quite surprising to him. He was absolutely not complaining, though. Quite the contrary.
It is just like my life, he awed.
“I have an idea that I want to discuss with her, actually,” Fuhui revealed.
Lan Wangji perked up.
“Oh, Jiejie, you have some advice for her?” Tianmei wondered.
“Tell us! Tell us!” A-Sun begged.
In that moment, nothing mattered more to Lan Wangji than hearing what that aunty would say. He looked around and saw a teahouse close to where A-Fang’s aunt and her companions were chatting, with a few tables outside on the street. Deciding he had already thoroughly violated the Lan rules regarding eavesdropping anyway, he mentally assigned himself a few headstands as punishment for when he returned home, and sat at the table where he could hear the conversation as clearly as possible.
“Well, A-Fang might think it won’t work, so I’ll have to chat with her and warm her up to the idea, because she’d have to do something that she probably won’t feel very comfortable with at first, something she’ll think may only make things worse initially” Fuhui started.
If the idea in question is writing a diary then I’m afraid I’ll be siding with Fang-guniang on this one, Lan Wangji mentally noted.
An employee of the teahouse came to take his order, and thankfully, seemed too intimidated by him to try to engage in small talk, just listening to his request and bringing a tray with a cup and a steaming teapot, placing them on the table and hurrying away without saying anything more than the strictly necessary. Lan Wangji was glad at not having missed anything of the ongoing conversation.
“Why? What is it? What’s your idea?”
“What will you tell her to do?”
“I mean, the whole issue is that she likes him but is not sure if he actually means it when he flirts with her, right?” Fuhui calmly elaborated. “If she finds out what his real intentions are, she will be able to decide whether she wants to allow him closer or push him away for good.”
Tianmei and A-Sun nodded. Lan Wangji also discreetly nodded.
“There’s only one way for her to discover if he is truly interested,” Fuhui declared.
Tianmei held her basket of loquats more firmly. A-Sun widened her eyes in anticipation. Lan Wangji leaned closer, the suspense killing him.
“It is by flirting back,” was Fuhui’s conclusion.
A moment of stunned silence followed.
“What?” said Tianmei.
“What?” said A-Sun.
What?, joined Lan Wangji, albeit in his mind only. He’d been completely caught off guard. Did I hear correctly?
“Flirting back?” A-Sun wanted to make sure, apparently sharing his doubts.
“Shamelessly and intensely,” Fuhui confirmed, solemn.
Another moment of silence.
“Jie, I’m not questioning your old woman wisdom, but how is this gonna help?” Tianmei asked.
Fuhui hit her with the cloth she was holding.
“Who’s the old woman?! I’m only four years older than you!” she scolded, but then went back to her explanation. “Listen, there are two possibilities as to why he’s so committed to teasing her: either he’s trying to get her attention because he likes her, or he is just doing it to laugh at her awkward reactions.”
Lan Wangji could only agree with her analysis, for that was also what he had concluded about Wei Wuxian on the first sleepless nights after being tormented by him. He had been stuck with those two possibilities ever since, not knowing how to find out whether it was one or the other, uncertain on how to proceed from that.
“And here’s the thing: we can see which one it is just judging by his reactions.”
“Oh? Do tell us more!” A-Sun requested, sounding curious.
“So, if at first he is confused and intrigued, but then as things go on he just seems to become less interested in flirting with her and either stops, or starts putting way less effort into his teasing or chooses another girl as his new main target — that means he was just teasing to laugh at her awkwardness because he found it funny when she was upset and embarrassed,” Fuhui detailed.
“Ah, it makes sense,” A-Sun agreed. “If he’s only interested in flustering her to make a mockery out of it, as soon as she stops giving him the reactions he wishes for, he’ll lose interest in her and move on to someone else!”
“Exactly! And if those are his only intentions, him leaving her alone is for the best.”
Lan Wangji held his teacup more firmly, the words making his stomach turn.
He sometimes wondered to himself if Wei Wuxian would eventually grow tired of teasing him, if he would one day lose interest in Lan Wangji and just forget him in favor of having fun with another person, probably some adventurous girl, someone he wouldn’t consider boring. Although Wei Wuxian’s provocations drove him insane everyday, Lan Wangji secretly enjoyed having his attention. If the Jiang’s head disciple ever just decided to not spare him a thought anymore, Lan Wangji was afraid his heart would shatter in a million pieces and he’d never be able to reassemble it again.
Perhaps that was the reason why a not-so-small part of Lan Wangji actually didn’t want to look for answers, didn’t want to know if all the teasing and cheeky banter meant something or not. Having Wei Wuxian play with his heart everyday was painful, yes, but it wouldn’t compare to the pain of Wei Wuxian stopping to do so, of him tossing it aside, of knowing Wei Wuxian didn’t even find his heart interesting enough to keep as a mere toy.
Lan Wangji knew that, if it turned out Wei Wuxian didn’t care at all about him, he’d have to let it go.
And he really didn’t want to.
“But, on the other hand,” continued Fuhui, “if, after his initial confusion and curiosity, he keeps getting flustered when she flirts with him, if he starts stuttering and blushing because of her — he likes her!“
Lan Wangji was a bit too lost in his hypothetical sorrows, but was pulled back immediately upon being reminded of the second, more optimistic possibility. His heart rabbited in his chest, imagining Wei Wuxian blushing because of him.
“If she keeps it up, maybe he’ll even find enough confidence to open up to her.”
“Do you really think so?” A-Sun seemed surprised.
“It’s not unlikely. Boys love hiding behind the ‘just kidding’ excuse!” Tianmei added, making A-Sun frown in contemplation a bit.
“They do, don’t they? Why do they do this?” she eventually said.
“Men are prideful creatures, honey. The majority can’t stand the idea of baring their feelings if there’s the possibility of being rejected afterwards. They’ll flirt with you in a joking manner so they’ll be able to save face saying they weren’t being serious in case you ignore them,” Tianmei explained.
“They’re only making a real move if they’re somewhat certain their affections are reciprocated,” Fuhui agreed.
Lan Wangji couldn’t argue with that, for he too was a man deeply afraid to confess his feelings. Not to be dramatic, but if he told Wei Wuxian he loved him only to be turned down, Lan Wangji would just crawl up in a hole and die. Making himself vulnerable and revealing his biggest secret — that he was a cutsleeve and wanted to… get intimate with Wei Wuxian — only to make Wei Wuxian uncomfortable to be around him? Sounded like a nightmare.
“So, A-yi is saying that maybe Xiao Guo genuinely likes A-Fang, but is pretending he is just joking because her reactions are too disheartening?”
Are my reactions disheartening?, Lan Wangji wondered.
“Precisely. If she starts flirting back, however, perhaps that’ll give him the encouragement he needs to make a more serious move or confess his feelings.”
Lan Wangji thought about the time Wei Wuxian invited him to visit Lotus Pier, and how he had just ignored it.
Could Wei Ying have actually wanted me to go? If I had agreed, would he have been happy? Would he have felt at ease to be sincere with me?, his mind questioned nonstop.
Thinking about Wei Wuxian rejecting him and drifting away still made Lan Wangji feel absolutely devastated, but now it was as if his eyes had been opened to another even more terrifying possibility.
If I found out Wei Ying actually liked me but refrained from pursuing anything with me because my cold reactions lead him to believe I disliked him, if he ended up marrying someone else because he didn’t think I would have wanted him… if that happened, I would never forgive myself.
It was like a bucket full of cold water had been thrown at him. The idea that he could be unknowingly breaking Wei Wuxian’s heart by ignoring him was a horror beyond Lan Wangji’s comprehension, even if it was an incredibly remote possibility.
This brought a sense of determination to him.
If my heart is meant to be broken, it’ll break no matter what. But there’s a chance my actions can also influence whether Wei Ying’s will be broken or not, he reasoned.
Lan Wangji turned his teacup bottoms up and drank all it’s content in a single motion, resolute. He had finally made his decision!
That’s it! I will flirt with him! I will flirt back with Wei Ying!
A few satisfying moments full of unwavering conviction passed before Lan Wangji noticed there was a great obstacle in his otherwise flawless plan.
Oh, no, he despaired.
I don’t know how to flirt!, came the dismaying realization.
It was like the universe was mocking him, providing enlightenment just to make it known that there was indeed a solution to his dilemma, but, tragically, not one he would ever be capable of putting into practice.
…or would he?
How does one learn how to flirt?, Lan Wangji wondered. It looked like an ability people were already either born with or without, but his brother would always say that social skills could be developed if one put enough effort into it. And flirting was a social skill, right?
Maybe I could ask Xiongzhang for advice... Mn. No. It would raise many inconvenient questions, and Fuhui-nushi said the flirting would have to be done ‘shamelessly and intensely’. Xiongzhang’s conduct, though socially conscious, is too subtle. He mustn’t be too skilled with more daring endeavors, especially ones of the romantic sort, Lan Wangji debated with himself.
His usual way of learning new things would be to read about them, but he couldn’t remember ever seeing scrolls about the art of seduction in the Lan Sect’s library pavilion.
Perhaps the forbidden section…?, he was pondering when the aunties’ voices tugged at his attention and brought him back to their conversation once more.
“A-Fang is so withdrawn, though. Does she even know how to flirt?” Tianmei pointed out.
“I can’t even imagine her flirting,” A-Sun agreed.
“That’s why I’m gonna give her some tips,” Fuhui disclosed. “Tell her all the techniques I’ve seen shameless boys do over the years.”
“Ah, tell us too!” A-Sun begged, almost jumping with excitement. “I can share with you some tricks I’ve seen too, so you can tell her!”
“I’ve seen my fair share of shamelessness too! You know, I was quite popular with the guys, back in the day. They called me ‘the fairy of Caiyi’ and everything, so I have been on the receiving end of many bold flirting attempts,” Tianmei commented.
“Yeah, right,” Fuhui said, seeming unimpressed and quite doubtful of her friend’s credentials, but letting it slide. “We can brainstorm together some ideas for A-Fang, then!”
As the women started recounting tales from all the shameless courtships they had seen over their lives as well as coming up with ideas of their own, Lan Wangji felt almost dizzy with relief. He promptly started mentally thanking Guanyin, Buddha and all his ancestors for the help, asking them to send huge blessings to those three ladies, so glad for the free flirting-masterclass that he would have definitely fallen to his knees with his hands up to the sky to yell his thanks if he were a more loud and theatrical person.
But he was Lan Qiren’s nephew, after all, so instead of doing cartwheels of unrestrained joy or acting out any exaggerated displays of gratitude, he simply focused on the impromptu lecture on how-to-woo-a-troublemaker, going so far as to grab a piece of parchment paper, ink and a brush to discreetly take notes.
By the time the ladies had finally exhausted the subject and moved on to another topic, the sun was already casting long shadows on his surroundings and Lan Wangji had downed five teapots by himself, his bladder begging him to stop.
He gathered his notes, payed the small fortune he had spent on tea to the teahouse owner and set back to Cloud Recesses on his sword.
As he flew back to the mountain, he kept reciting to himself all the things he had learned in the last shichen, eager to just get home, carry out his self-imposed punishment and then review his notes — like the top student he was — before going to bed and having a good night’s sleep.
Of course, he had to be well rested to perform his best. Tomorrow would be a groundbreaking day, after all.
Lan Wangji would make sure of it.
~~~