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Sungjin is nervous. Under the prominent flush a few too many shots of vodka give him, under the hiccups and hazy sluggish veil around his brain, he is still nervous.
When he reaches the door to the apartment it's nerves and not the alcohol that makes his stomach lurch.
He went as far as rehearsing it, running through his head things he would say to her but the spirits turned his preplanned speech into white static noise. He will have to wing it.
The apartment is dark and still when he enters it. Part of him hopes she's not home and that he would have no choice but to postpone it for another time. Again.
Sungjin is in the midst of an exhale of relief when the switch of the living room floor lamp clicks. It's a subtle and quiet sound but to Sungjin it's equal to a gun cocked.
The soft yellow light illuminates Youngja like a conniving Bond villain, a femme fatale setting a trap too intricate for Sungjin to see through.
The sight of her gets to him quickly, making him weak in the knees. He lowers himself slowly on the soft carpet.
From this angle her crossed tights-clad legs seem to go for miles. The sharp points of her stilettos facing his direction are posing a menace.
Sungjin gulps on a dry throat.
So she's been partying too. And why wouldn't she on Saturday night?
His gaze is crawling up her shins – shy as if he isn't supposed to look – past her thighs, generously on display in between the cuts of her emerald dress. Her chest is rising calmly in contrast to Sungjin’s erratic almost wheezing breathing. Her jacket is draped over her shoulders in a way that makes her look regal.
'Jagiya.' She smiles sweetly. Her earrings sway when she bows her head to the side and platinum blonde wavy bob falls on her sharp cheekbone.
‘Noona,’ he echoes. ‘I want to tell you something.' His voice is quiet and he pushes the words out, fighting his own tongue that all of a sudden seems too clumsy in his mouth.
‘You're awfully blushy now, Sungjinnie,’ she interrupts, leaning forward. Her hand clasps Sungjin's chin, sharp deep green nails dig into the soft flesh of his cheeks, mashing them together slightly. The pointy tips pressing into the skin sting a little.
‘Been drinking,’ he mumbles.
‘My sweetheart been drinking, huh,’ she coos.
She isn't listening to him.
Sungjin frowns.
‘Do you want to cuddle then?’ She asks instead, uncrossing her legs and patting her shoulder, inviting him to crawl into her lap. Sungjin blushes a deeper crimson, both from the embarrassment and the bold v shaped space her thighs create.
‘What do you mean? The girl should be the one leaning,’ he protests and gets an amused hum in response. She is back in his space, floral scent of her perfume overpowering the booze on Sungjin's breath.
‘You're so cute.’ Her thumb sweeps over his cheekbone in a gesture of endearment. ‘Show me some aegyeo, jagi.’
Sungjin pouts. Involuntary. And Youngja makes that delighted high-pitched noise of hers.
‘Aw, that's it? Come on, jagi. You can do better.’
‘I drank.’ He shakes his head.
‘My jagi is drunk then.' She nods, not really going anywhere with it, it seems. ‘Are you going to keep on sitting there like a puppy?’ She asks, leaning back in her chair. The pointed tip of her shoe knocks against Sungjin’s knee in a mock accident.
He is frozen in place down at the carpet with his knees apart. Just staying like this and watching her move languidly seems to be enough to him for now. He doesn't want to move. Does he even still want to talk?
The pet name spilling from her mouth makes Sungjin wonder if she even remembers his actual name.
‘Your doing aegyo always makes my heart flutter, you know,’ she drawls and the tip of her shoe slides further up his thigh, coquettishly, pressing into the inner seam of his slacks. Sungjin shivers. ‘A pity you aren't showing it to me today.’
The flat of her shoe hovers over his crotch and after a moment of hesitation, pushes down on it. The breath leaves Sungjin's chest in a gasp. His cock twitches pathetically against Youngja’s elegant foot.
He looks up at her from under his lashes, feeling the flush rise high on his cheeks.
‘I really really wanted to talk to you today, noona,’ he pushes his voice to be more lulling and nasal as a shiver of distaste runs down his spine. He stumbles over his words unintentionally a few times too but what makes him curl inwards in disgust seems to work in a completely opposite way on Youngja – her eyes widen slightly, lips trembling in a pleased smile.
‘Yes, baby?’
Sungjin holds back from bucking his hips up to get more friction.
‘Don't you feel like all of this too much at times?’ He pants, keeping his voice sickly sweet.
‘What is?’
‘Me. And you being with me.’
Youngja’s neat eyebrows bunch up in a frown.
‘No. I love it when you turn all sulky like this. When you get drunk and get all whiny and pink in the cheeks.’ Her features soften and eyes turn crescent as a smile reappears on her face like the sun from behind a passing cloud.
‘I like you so much, noona,’ he breathes out, voice laden with heavy sentiment.
‘And I like you, jagi.’
‘But what if I told you that this all is an act?’
Youngja doesn't speak. She moves subtly, foot inching away from Sungjin's crotch just so.
‘What if I told you that acting cute for you makes me gag actually?’
Her painted lips make a small o shape.
‘How does that make you feel? Does it make you want to dump me?’
The pressure returns but now in the form of thin and sharp stiletto heel driving into the hard flesh. Sungjin lets out a pained ‘ah’. The reasonable decision would've been to jerk away – it's not like he is chained in place –but he doesn't. There's a dull throbbing in his dick and the sting Youngja’s heel brings echoes in his lower stomach almost sweet. Sungjin breathes irregularly through his nose, each breath threatening to escape in a shaky moan.
‘You're,’ Youngja says, ‘very keen on that breaking up business.’ She sounds entertained.
The heel is removed and the tip of the shoe travels higher, tracing the shape of Sungjin's dick in his slacks lovingly.
‘I have no such thoughts,’ she continues. ‘And to be fair I'm a little upset –’ The heel digs into the sensitive spot near the dickhead with surgical precision. Sungjin whines out loud like a dog. ‘– that you'd attempt to insinuate it. I'm content with what we have. Are you not, jagi?’
Sungjin looks at her through the tears that now cling to his eyelashes. Through the watery curtain in his eyes the sequins in her dress sparkle almost dizzyingly. She has her chin in her palm while she watches Sungjin with a calm steady gaze. He remembers now how he loves this cold mean look on her. It makes something nameless shift in his brain.
He's already lost. He won't make that conversation. Not today at least. He doesn't have much hope for the next time either and somewhere deep down he knows he doesn't mind it.
‘I…’ he takes in an unsteady breath. ‘I am.’
‘That's wonderful then.’ She smiles. Sungjin catches himself thinking that he would very much like to kiss the apples of her cheeks that move when she does so.
‘Take off my shoe.’
Sungjin tries with all he has to not be hasty with it. His hand closes around the slim ankle, the material of the tights cool and silky to the touch. He fumbles with a strap and a buckle a little, his hands trembling imperceptibly as he unfastens the shoe and leaves it to sit on the carpet.
While Youngja looks great in those, she might look even better without them. Sungjin simply loves her feet. The lines and curves, how graceful they look. The sheer nylon fiber adds to the allure in the same way expensive lace lingerie does to the simplicity of the nude body.
‘Unzip,’ she commands curtly, nodding to Sungjin's crotch.
Sungjin removes his belt obediently, pops the button and pulls the zipper down. He shimmies a little to give himself more freedom. The air chills the stain of precum on his briefs.
He sighs when her foot touches him again. This time softly, intimately without the hard sole of the shoe and constriction of his slacks. The ball of her foot presses a bit harder on his length, her toes curl slightly around him, the arch of her sole is tempting to rut against it. The sensation is smooth and featherlight. Enough to make him twitch and bite on his lip but not even remotely enough to get him off. Sungjin squirms. He wants…
‘... more?’ She proposes helpfully.
Sungjin lowers his eyes and nods eagerly. Youngja chuckles.
He anticipates the proximity and her all-encompassing warmth with baited breath but instead–
‘We're going to be a little different about it today,’ she says. ‘I will be the one doing the loving.’
Sungjin chokes on air and a wave of heat washes over his body. Part of him, the piss drunk one and in the majority, is quick to surrender the control, ready to lie back open. The feeble voice of sobriety is the one to make him blush, protesting to back down and exposing himself to such an extent.
‘You don't mind, do you, jagi?’
He knows she sees the turmoil reflect on his face.
‘No need to worry, love. I'll take good care of you.’ Her hand comes to scratch at his chin, the sharpness of her nails oddly pleasant on his skin. Sungjin closes his eyes momentarily to enjoy it. ‘And don't I always?’
Maybe he needs that, to just let go for a brief moment and let his head go blissfully empty. Fighting can be so tiresome.
Sungjin can't make himself speak. Instead, he nods again, fast and nervous.
‘Sweet.’ She smiles and pats his cheek lightly.
It won't be a novel experience and he trusts her wholeheartedly but his stomach flips nonetheless. Something keeps throwing him to square one every time, making him crumble at the proposition. Even though his body remembers how good it feels and reacts instantly his head is a different case.
Youngja finally leaves the chair in a fluid, eased motion and stands tall above him, making Sungjin look up. She bends down holding her jacket lapels in one hand and kisses his forehead softly. He strains his muscles and his spine as he stretches up to try and kiss her on the lips but either he just can't reach or she imperceptibly has moved just so – her lips are a breath away, taunting him.
She maneuvers him easily with the gentle urge of her hands to stand on all fours, petting the base of his neck and sliding them down his back as Sungjin’s blush deepens. His trousers and briefs come off, his dress shirt gets ridden up past his waist.
Youngja traces her claws along his spine, pressing in just so to make the sensation linger and Sungjin's breath hitches.
‘I won't be able to help you here, jagi. You have to work hard on your own,’ she purrs and leaves Sungjin alone and somewhat quarter-naked to wallow in shame. He's way too relieved when she returns just a short while later and squats by his side, to showcase him a bottle of lube she brought.
‘How do I?’ Sungjin is lost and awkward. The alcohol in his system is dissipating faster than he imagined.
Youngja tsks lightly and takes his hand, squirting some lube on his fingers and instructing to rub it between them.
‘Uh-uh. Now–’
His arm and hand gets drawn back and Sungjin falls forward on his other elbow, ass up. There's a chime of laughter.
‘Doing great so far, sweetheart,’ she coos.
She clasps his asscheek in her hand, nails driving slightly into the soft flesh, spreading him open. Her other hand guides his wrist to his entrance and then disappears, leaving him once again on his own.
Sungjin takes a shuddering breath, closing his eyes. His forehead is pressed into his forearm, cheeks and ears burning.
He knows the mechanics but still it doesn't seem as easy as when she was doing it for him. Back then his only task was to lie back and relax.
Sungjin tries the latter as he circles the wet fingerpad around his puckered rim. He's acutely aware of Youngja's stare even if he can't see it.
She hums. ‘I think we would need some more, hold on.’
Sungjin sighs as a thick glob of lube travels down between his asscheeks. He tentatively scoops some and finally breaches himself. The remains of the moisture trickle past his perineum and scrotum and drip on the carpet beneath.
The sensation of the intrusion is new. It's different to Youngja's slender fingers and to the solid girth of the strap.
He moans muffled as he pushes his digit deeper knuckle by knuckle.
‘Feels good, huh?’ She says, voice pleased. ‘Have I told you before how I love your fingers, jagi? Now you get me.’
Sungjin remembers her being wet and warm around his fingers, writhing in pleasure as he worked up his forearm muscles fucking her, skin of his arm red with lines left by her nails. Now he can hear himself squelching wet with lube, his walls tight and hot while he withdraws his hand and drives back in. His own fingers are far longer and thicker than hers and he can truly feel it, stretching himself open for her.
‘Can you do one more now, what do you think?’ she muses.
Sungjin nods hastily, not knowing if she can see it at all, and adds a second finger. He recalls the motions Youngja did back then and tries to repeat them, scissoring himself and pushing his fingers deeper, spreading them wider apart.
‘Nngh’
‘I know, jagi. You're doing so well, fucking yourself good for me. Wonder if I could just sit back and watch.’
Her thumb digs into the inner part of his asscheek and Sungjin hisses.
‘No.’
‘No?’ She repeats amused. ‘Want to get it from me that bad, Sungjinnie? Fucked stupid by your noona?’
Sungjin shivers. She's always been more of a smooth talker than him.
He nods again. The blush on his face feels scalding hot. He bends at the waist a little bit more, spreads his legs wider as far as his slacks still hanging around his knees allow him and tries to change the angle, searching for that one spot.
‘Are you putting on a show by any chance?’ She asks. ‘All for me? I'm flattered.’
Her other hand travels up his inner thigh. The proximity of her claws to his balls makes Sungjin clench involuntarily around his fingers, the fluttering muscles of his stomach pushing his moan out on exhale. She plays with him carefully, wraps her hand around his leaking dick and Sungjin immediately tries to buck forward.
‘No-no-no, concentrate on what you need to do.’
Sungjin listens only to cry out a moment later when his fingers finally press against his prostate.
‘I want you to keep it right there,’ she says. ‘Don't try to push your fingers any further or pull them out. Keep rubbing it slowly.’
He tries. The sensation is so visceral it makes him whimper and his thighs tremble.
‘It's too much,’ he whines.
She laughs and the sound of it is a bit cruel.
‘See? You don't need to act cute, Sungjinnie. You're a natural at this. Right now, at this very moment, with your fingers up your ass, whining at your noona, I'd reckon you're very cute.’
Sungjin squeezes his eyes shut, his eyelashes wet with tears, and keeps petting the gland. He has to get all his willpower utilized to not move any part of his body besides his fingers. Instead he moans weakly while the pressure builds up steadily in the base of his cock.
‘You've always been so good at following my lead, jagi. Thank you.’ Her voice is suddenly very even and solemn, no hints of teasing. It changes quickly, true to her turbulent nature. ‘Goodness, you're so wet right now. Leaking all over my carpet, sheesh.’
‘I, uh, sorry.’ He's lightheaded despite alcohol being probably out of his system already.
He almost protests when her hand leaves his cock and rakes up his front, leaving a trail of slick precum behind. Youngja rolls his nipple between her fingers and Sungjin reacts with a borderline pathetic sound. His body is way too wound up and sensitive.
‘Noona, please.’
‘Hm?’
‘Can I stop, please?’ He punctuates his pleading each time as if it is going to change her mind.
‘Not yet, I'm sure you can take some more.’
Sungjin whines, desperate. His body is thrumming and his conscience is swimming. High on dopamine he can't even feel his muscles getting strained in this position.
He wants to laugh at the way everything turns upside down for him the moment he steps over the threshold. Outside their home he works as a line manager for the company. Rather strict but just. He used to be a drill instructor while doing his military service too. Giving a strong example and having an iron grip is his style out there in the big world.
But here, at home, it's her reign through and through. At times some stubborn old and frayed part of him bolts and pushes but with the passage of time it erodes more and more leaving him actually wanting that surrender of power.
At this point he's not above begging her to fuck him but he knows her patience is thin so he keeps quiet, nevertheless hoping she would hurry.
‘You may stop,’ she says at last and Sungjin removes his fingers with a stuttered sigh, falling on his back rather ungracefully. His cock lies heavy and wet on his lower abdomen, ass leaking excess of generous amounts of lube. He's heaving as he watches Youngja slip the thin straps of her dress off her shoulders. It slides down her body to pool at her feet, the sleek sequined material reminiscent of snake skin.
She's gorgeous. The soft light and shadows accentuate her frame intimately, complimenting her possibly even more than the dress she wore.
He'd crawl up on his knees to her if he could. To embrace her around her full hips, to run his nose against velvety skin of her sternum up before resting his head on her luscious chest. As he listens to her even heartbeat she would scratch him behind his ear where the wisps of his overgrown hair curl slightly.
Sungjin stays down while she puts on a strap. She's pretty mundane about it but in his eyes her movements still look oddly graceful. When she's done she puts her hands on her hips and regards Sungjin splayed on the floor before her.
‘You want it like this?’ She frowns. ‘Usually…’
Sungjin knows. Usually he's too shy to look her in the eye while she fucks him so he requests it to be in doggy. This time he tries to convey through his eyes that he wants it to be different.
She takes his silence as enough of a response.
‘I won't ask twice,’ she warns and having taken a pillow from the sofa kneels in front of his spread legs. She removes his slacks hanging around his ankles and places the pillow under his lower back.
Sungjin breathes.
‘Jagi,’ she takes his face in her hand and turns it to focus on her. He's been spacing out. ‘Stay with me.’
Youngja stretches forward, languid and slow like a cat, her chest grazing Sungjin's.
She kisses him at last and his whole world and thought process narrows down on the sensation of her lips moving against his, of her tongue slipping in for a taste. He almost moans into that kiss. He's so distracted by the simple kiss it goes past him how she tugged him subtly lower to align the slicked up strap to his entrance.
When she pushes in he can't suppress it and she lets the sinful sound ring loud through their living room.
His eyes widen and right in front of him is her face, her eyes reading into him. She is still while not even halfway in and Sungjin is already reeling from the way they are connected. It strikes him every time how different it is to the way he feels when he is the one who fucks her. And now she sees it. Shit.
‘You good?’ She asks.
‘Yes.’ His voice is hoarse. Maybe when she's fucking him in earnest she wouldn't look at him like that. ‘Just need more of it.’ Maybe when she fucks his brains out he won't pay half a mind to her looking at him.
‘As you wish, jagi.’
She bottoms out. Her hands are on his thighs, spreading them wider, scratching, clawing and the slight stinging in his skin helps him get back on track.
She picks up a nice rhythm soon and Sungjin, being already sensitive, mellows out just as quick, moaning at the especially deep thrusts.
‘You look so good, Sungjinnie,’ she purrs.
He tries to hide his face with his arm feeling the burn of a blush in his cheeks but Youngja is quick to grab at him. ‘Don't. You made your choice, don't try to back out of it now.’
Sungjin looks at her from under his lashes. She's worked up a sweat and her originally perfect hairstyle is a bit matted with it, skin glowing under the low light. When she thrusts her chest sways slightly with the movement. And still she's looking at him.
‘I might slap you the next time you do that. Do you understand?’
He nods.
‘Do you agree?’
He nods again.
She winds up his tie around her arm and tugs, pulling Sungjin forward and kissing him, short but deep and messy. When she releases he falls back down limp.
‘Can't believe you were even thinking of it,’ she hisses suddenly. ‘Who would fuck you like this if I'm gone, Sungjinnie?’
The strap grazes his prostate harshly and Sungjin chokes on a moan.
‘Exactly.’
‘Are you angry with me?’ He manages to put together.
‘A bit,’ she admits.
‘Hit me then.’
She halts in surprise.
‘Don't look for excuses and just do it. I can take it.’
He will earn his atonement for having doubts, for pulling her down with him into the suffocating depths of his what ifs. Did he have his grounds for the big talk? He might have before. But it barely matters now, when she’s deep inside of him, looking at him with the same curiosity she had on her face during their first meeting.
Youngja traces her hands over his exposed thighs. This is a rare opportunity for him to feel like bragging - years of hiking as a hobby resulted in ample span of skin and hard muscle. But then again it also means it might hurt a bit more.
The first hit echoes through the room and leaves Sungjin's thigh hot and stinging. The shock of the impact makes him spasm around the strap and he wishes absent-mindedly she could feel it. She sees his cock twitch though and smooths her palm over the reddening mark.
‘Not much of a punishment if you're enjoying it so much,’ she says, running her hand up and down the expanse of the muscle. She pinches him and Sungjin’s thighs jerk up.
‘Ah’
She smiles deviously.
‘Gotcha.’
Sungjin loses himself in the mix of pleasure the snaps of her hips bring and pain inflicted on his bare skin. Youngja is relentless and cruel with this – scratching, slapping, pinching until her hand is pale in contrast to reddish skin beneath. He almost forgets about his embarrassment and her studying his face meticulously right until she grunts a succinct ‘ride me’.
Her arm is at his tie again, tugging at it like a leash, urging him to rise as she in turn lies down comfortably.
His unbuttoned dress shirt is hanging loose by his elbows at this point but he pays it no mind as he straddles Youngja carefully, trying not to put his whole weight down on her. He guides the strap back in and lowers himself on it.
If he's been exposed before now he can't go any further. He's spread open on the strap, thighs apart by either of her sides, not receiving it passively but fucking himself willingly while she still holds onto his tie.
Her other hand is back on his thigh and the skin is already so tender, the touch makes Sungjin shiver.
He ignores the fatigue in his muscles as he picks up the pace, going rougher, sensing the tension wind up in his lower stomach.
‘You're so fucking cute, jagi. The cutest when you're so desperate for it,’ she breathes. Sungjin moans in response, her words adding more fuel to his arousal.
Youngja lets go of the tie and wraps her fist languidly around his cock. Too soft, too loose and barely of any help. Sungjin grunts and covers her slender hand with his own, obscuring it completely like the sun during an eclipse. He squeezes it harder making the grip tighten as he likes it, wincing at her nails digging into the skin of his palm almost vindictively.
Soon after his hips stutter, the muscles in his thighs and stomach flex when he finally comes, painting his chest with his release on a guttural moan.
When his breathing is less ragged he removes the shirt soaked in sweat and uses it to wipe the come off his chest and the excess lube from his ass once dismounted.
There's a quiet moment of mutual observation. Youngja is looking at him with rekindled interest and Sungjin watches her with anticipation. This is not over just yet.
She gets up, unfastening and removing the strap, and shifts in closer. Her hands are on his shoulders as she raises her hips slowly and lowers herself, stradling one of his thighs.
She's warm and wet and his abused skin stings at the contact. The sensation sends small waves of shock to his lower stomach and they both sigh almost in unison while she gets much awaited friction.
Youngja rides him measured and purposeful, chasing her own pleasure with surprising dignity for someone who's been denied it for a while.
He cups her waist without putting much pressure and allows himself some agency, starting off by kissing her collarbone. The sweat off of her skin is salty on his tongue. She cradles his head, threading her fingers through his matted hair as he bends and folds lower to try and lap at her nipple. He bites down lightly and for a moment she loses her rhythm, going for a harsher uneven stroke.
She is pulsing against him and Sungjin almost wants more but he's been good so far and so instead he runs his hand higher up her body, to knead at her other breast. The supple malleable flesh of it is not contained in his palm fully. He enjoys the feeling of it before pinching her nipple hard as she likes it.
And her saint-like patience gives in. She tightens her grip on his hair to maneuver his head back up and crash their lips together as she moves up and down his thigh hungrier and messier until finally she stills, trembling around him and moaning weakly against his lips.
They share their breaths for a minute, resting, returning to themselves. When Sungjin opens his eyes to look at her, his heart summersaults in his chest. She's smiling at him, or rather smirking. But it's good enough and it works. He reaches to put a strand of her hair behind her ear and she scoffs at it.
***
Sungjin crawls to the kitchen almost past noon and gets shoved a mug of coffee in his face so suddenly he almost misses it.
‘Thanks.’
Youngja doesn't seem like she got up much earlier with the way she looks – barefeet, still in oversized Diablo tee she thrifted off Sungjin when they dated back at uni.
She watches Sungjin take a tentative sip from the mug and bites on the nail of her thumb.
‘Do you,’ she starts, ‘really think about breaking up that often?’
Sungjin gulps on his coffee too quickly and it sends an unpleasant sensation down his sternum. He didn't think she cared.
He sets his mug down. This is going to be a long conversation.