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Courtney never thought she could get used to this, the way the key went into the lock. Not to break in, but to enter the place she had started to call home. “Home,” now that was something she never thought she’d ever say. Courtney opened the door to the smell of spices cooking, slowly she entered the place. Taking off her shoes and silently walking until she saw the kitchen, Mnady was there. Out of her persona of Blonde Blazer, humming as she cooked food for the both of them.
Mandy turned, her eyes laying on Courtney and creasing slightly as she did a quick once over, scanning for injuries and softening as she saw none. “You’re finally home, I started the bath for you,, if you want to take one. We still have about thirty minutes left before dinner is ready!” Mandy offered with a soft smile, meeting Courtney’s eyes as she stood there. Almost as if she was frozen by the offer.
“Oh,, sure, yeah. I’ll take a bath, I’m sure I smell like ash now” Courtney tried to joke, but it seemed like the joke fell flat as she saw Mandy’s face frown lightly with barely concealed worry. “You alright? Something’s bothering you,” she asked Courtney softly. Turning away from the stove after putting the burners on simmer, moving around the kitchen island to stand in front of Courtney. She gently tilted her chin up to meet her eyes, looking like she was searching through her eyes to find something wrong. Courtney felt her face heat up from the closeness, a persistent voice inside of her head reminding her that she didn't deserve any of this.
She shook her head slightly, forcing the thoughts away so that she could speak without her voice cracking like she knew it would. “Yeah, I'm fine. Just gonna go take a bath now.” She said shortly, backing up slightly and heading towards their bedroom, their bedroom. Another thing she could never get used to, she opened the door and walked through the room. Eyes finding evidence of her everywhere, her favourite shirt hung up in the closet, her perfume she always wears on the dresser. Little pieces of her everywhere she looked, an almost perfect match to Mandy and her things. She forced herself to keep walking until she entered the bathroom, stripping herself of clothes and lowering her body into the water, not too hot or too cold. Just how she liked it, another reminder of the love she didn’t deserve.
As she soaked in the bath, her thoughts kept her entertained, no longer able to mask how she felt in the silence. She didn’t deserve this, she knew she didn’t. How could she? She was a villain who had lost almost everything and put herself into a program that she thought could “fix” her. It didn’t. Really she should’ve known, she could never escape her past and move on to live a good life.
And then there was Mandy, the Blonde Blazer, someone who inspired hope into others and encouraged them to be better. How could she love her? How could she put aside the fact she used to hurt people and accept her into her home? Never judging but encouraging her to be better, not forcing it and always telling her that people made mistakes, and that who was she to judge her. Courtney kept thinking back to what she had said when they had first met, “you have so much potential, if only you could see it.” She mulled over her thoughts as she finished cleaning herself, maybe later she’d ask Mandy why she chose her, and how she was able to love her as she was.
She got out of the tub, draining it and wrapping a towel around her before walking out of the bathroom to the bedroom. Now that she didn’t have the smell of smoke around her she could make out what the room truly felt like. It felt like home, the smell of Mandy’s perfume mixing with her own candles she had lit earlier- probably in preparation of Courtney coming back. It was comforting and warm, something she wasn’t used to.
She got dressed and left the room somehow heavier and lighter than she had entered it, the feeling of the soft sweatpants against her skin grounding her silently, she watched Mandy cook silently as she neared the kitchen island. Sitting down on one of the chairs surrounding it, the smell of food making her stomach complain slightly, I guess I was more hungry than I thought she mused out internally.
“You know I don’t mind you staring, but I have to ask. What’s on your mind?” Mandy’s voice cut through the comfortable silence, Courtney looked up as a plate was set down in front of her, her eyes drifting over to look at Mandy. Who held a plate of her own and eyes soft with worry, she sat down next to her and handed her utensils silently and knowingly. “Just thinking about something..” Courtney murmured out, taking a bite of the food and humming in appreciation.
“I know you’re thinking, tell me what you’re thinking about. You rarely get this quiet, and you know I like to know what’s happening in your mind.” Mandy pressed gently, one of her hands resting softly on Courtney’s thigh. Tracing patterns mindlessly, a soothing motion all together. She thought about it, hating to feel weak. The words caught in her throat as she put down the fork, she swallowed and looked down at her plate, unable to meet Mandy’s eyes.
“Why- why would you choose me, knowing my past and what I’ve done. Why do you always tell me I deserve a new chance when I don’t?” The words escaped her before she could properly think over them, her voice trembling slightly. The silence that followed made her regret it all, she knew she shouldn't have said anything, knew that she should’ve pushed Mandy’s concerns and said that she was fine.
As she was silently spiraling she felt a hand turning her to meet Mandy’s eyes, still warm and caring. “I tell you because you do deserve it, Court.. I know that you do, you’ve changed for the better and you’ve put in so much effort to get better.” She spoke softly yet firmly, she wiped a tear Courtney didn’t know had fallen gently, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I only wish you had come to me earlier, I hate to know that you were suffering silently..” She said quietly, Courtney didn’t know if she should cry or not, being faced with such kindness and care.
“Even if you don't believe it now, I'll spend the rest of our days together reminding you that you do deserve it.” Mandy promised her, and she knew she meant it. It was a weird feeling this cared for and loved, Courtney let out a choked laugh. Wiping her eyes and sniffling slightly,when she spoke it was slightly hoarse. “You’re sappy, you know that right?” She joked out, trying to lighten the room as if nothing had happened. “But.. Thanks, I guess I really needed to hear that.”
“I know you did.” Was the simple response she got from Mandy, her hand intertwining with hers and tightening quietly. The rest of the dinner was quiet, comfortable as they talked about everything and nothing, a comforting ritual to take the weight off each other's worlds. As they were cleaning the dishes up from dinner together, Courtney turned her head to look at Mandy before deciding to voice her thoughts again. “You know, I’ve never had a home like this. I always thought the word home meant a literal house, but I guess it can mean a person as well.” She said quietly, like she was afraid of saying it.
“I’ll always be your home, and you’ll always be mine.” Mandy said softly, taking her hand in a steady grip. Grounding her and drawing her eyes to her face, her words were a promise and a confession at the same time. They both knew what the unsaid words were, they didn’t need to say them as long as they knew it was the truth. They finished the dishes and decided to watch a movie together, curled up on the couch with a blanket covering them, the warmth of each other, a steady feeling of peace, a rare thing to find. They drifted off holding each other, knowing that for now, they had each other and that would never change.