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While the rest of Discovery's crew were busy recording messages for their family and friends, Chris had been moving the few personal items he'd added to his ready room on Discovery back to Enterprise. He'd made the last trip, and changed back into his yellow uniform, but was checking the room for anything he'd missed when the door chimed and Ensign Tilly entered.
There was a brief moment when he wondered if he was imagining her. She'd been in his thoughts as he packed. All he could think about was how he was never going to see her again, and how he wished things could be different between them. However, him being her commanding officer meant he couldn't do anything about it.
She only took a few small steps inside - enough to let the door close behind her. When she came to a stop she clasped her hands behind her, nearly at parade rest. Then moved to clasp them in front of her instead. And then shook her arms and ended up with her palms pressed to the side of her legs.
He raised his eyes to focus on her face, since staring at her legs was not a good idea. Since she didn't seem to be about to talk, he asked, "What's wrong, Ensign?" Something had to be. She could be fidgety and impulsive on occasion, but he hadn't seen her as nervous as this. Not even when they first met.
"Nothing." She slapped her hands against her thighs. "Uh, nothing's wrong."
Which he didn't believe for a moment. Softly he said, "If you've changed your mind about going to the future..."
"No, I'm going," she said firmly. "But it means I'm never going to get another chance and I have to do it now."
Whatever it was, she wasn't doing it. He waited, resting a hand on the back of a chair, while she gathered herself.
She took a deep breath, fixed her gaze somewhere over his shoulder, and said quickly, "Okay, so you're a great captain. It's a low bar in comparison to Lorca, but even in comparison to other captains who aren't Lorca, you're still a great captain."
"Thank you," he said, smiling.
But she wasn't done. "You're also a great person. And I like you."
"I like you too," he said easily. He liked most people, but Tilly was more brilliant than she knew, and not afraid to speak out. And he definitely didn't spend time thinking about how much he'd like to run his fingers through her hair because he was a captain and she was an ensign, and that was inappropriate.
"No, I mean I like you." She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. "This is coming out all wrong." She turned to face the door, putting her face in her hands.
Chris told himself he couldn't get his hopes up about what she meant. He more than liked her. There had been times when he'd wondered about her feelings, but if he was reading her wrong then that would be an abuse of power. And if he was right it would still be an abuse of power. The only thing he could do was nothing. Which he hated.
"If we were the same rank," she said, still with her back to him, voice slightly muffled, "then I'd ask you on a date. That's what I wanted to say." She started walking back to the door.
He caught up with her in two strides, not thinking about what he was going to do next, except preventing her from leaving. When he placed a hand on her shoulder she did stop, fortunately just short of the door sensor. "If you had asked, I'd have said yes."
She turned round to face him, hands down once again and her smile lighting up her face. She was beautiful, especially when she smiled. "Really? I--"
He cut her off with a kiss. If he hadn't she would have talked more. As much he loved her voice they had limited time and why waste it talking when there wasn't anything to say? They kissed like two people who had found each other. And like two people who were about to lose each other. Both of which were true.
"Wow," she said when they parted. "I wish I'd done that sooner."
He shook his head, because they couldn't. And he knew she knew that too. "We still have some time," he muttered, and pulled her close for another kiss. He resisted the urge to run his hand through her hair, knowing she had to walk out onto the bridge with no one suspecting anything had happened in here. If anyone found out he would be in big trouble, even with Discovery in the future.
This time they only parted when the computer reminded them of the countdown. Chris could have carried on through the whole of the countdown. And then still never stopped. He had to let go of her and step away before he was tempted to kiss her again.
"I'm not going to forget that," she said, with a small laugh. "Maybe I'll find your seventeen times great grandson or something. Actually no." She screwed up her face. "That would be weird."
He laughed, but wondered if he'd find time in the next ten years to have a child. "I'll never forget you." She was one of a kind. He was certain he'd never meet anyone else like Tilly.
"I'll look you up in the future."
"Don't," he said quickly.
Her eyes widened in surprise and he scrabbled for an excuse. "You'll probably find pictures of me at ninety. I'll be old and gray. I don't want you to remember me like that." Disfigured by delta radiation wasn't so different from the lie. It certainly was enough to put Tilly off, he was sure.
"I like the gray." She motioned to his hair.
He raised a hand to touch it, self-consciously.
"But I won't look you up. I promise." She gave a small smile.
He nodded, took a deep breath and straightened his uniform. He became the captain and the woman in front of him was an ensign. And there was nothing else between them. Never had been and never could be.