Chapter Text
When Kawaki had confessed to him a week ago, Naruto had chalked it up to him being confused. Kawaki was young and a bit reckless, with a past that Naruto could only imagine. Naruto had dismissed the whole thing, thinking that by ignoring it, Kawaki would come to terms with the reality of his own feelings and of the situation. However, what happened last night was all too real for Naruto's liking. It was one thing to confuse your feelings of appreciation with romantic love, but it was completely different to get hard over giving someone an innocent shoulder massage.
Part of Naruto feels guilty. Maybe he hasn't set the proper boundaries. He was the older one between the two of them, and touching should've been a hard no. But how could Naruto predict that something so mundane would result in this predicament? Naruto already knew that Kawaki was a shameless kid. For one, he didn't look embarrassed when he confessed; the whole affair was done in a surgical procedure. But he didn't expect Kawaki to be this shameless.
Thinking back to it, Naruto should've left the living room and gone upstairs, but he was frozen in his seat. The sight of Kawaki's hard cock he had seen put him in a momentary state of stupor. It was completely unexpected. Despite his shamelessness, Kawaki never showed any signs of being a pervert. He kept boundaries in check, to the point Naruto had convinced himself that, again, Kawaki was just confused. At that moment, Naruto's brain started coming up with all types of strange scenarios. Did Kawaki always feel this specific type of attraction to him? Why would he? Naruto wasn't exceptionally good-looking anyway. When did it start? Did Naruto do anything to induce it?
Naruto's thoughts were interrupted by the sounds coming out of the bathroom.
Naruto. Kawaki called his name, voice gruff and interlaced with so much lust, Naruto almost believed that it wasn't his name being called. He's never heard his name rolling out of someone's tongue like that.
Kawaki was moaning his name so sinfully. Dirty. The innocent image that Naruto had tricked himself into having of Kawaki was burned to a crisp. Naruto could almost imagine the speed with which Kawaki was stroking himself from the way he vocalized his pleasure. And he certainly could tell that the deep and pained fuck he'd moaned came in tandem with the last stroke that made him come. Come to Naruto's image. With Naruto's name in his tongue. What kind of thing did he even imagine?
The sound of the water turning on snapped Naruto from his thoughts. It was at that moment that he realized he was squeezing his legs shut.
No, no, no, no. No! Absolutely not!
Naruto barely had the strength to stand up and flee to his bedroom before Kawaki opened the bathroom door, but he couldn't stay holed up in his room, in his own house. It was bound to be awkward. Or at least, Naruto was bound to be. Kawaki rarely ever looked like he struggled with such things. Shameless. Naruto thought as he watched Kawaki make him a coffee as if last night never happened. He put the coffee under his eyes and took a seat in front of him.
“I saved enough to move out. I found a decent place near my workplace. I wanted to tell you last night, but you were gone when I returned to the living room.”
“That's good.” He said, looking at the latte like it was about to jump him.
“Thank you for being kind to me. I'm grateful to you.”
This kid and his unlimited reserves of sarcasm. The last sentence sounded genuine, at least.
“It's fine. If you need anything, you know where to find me.” Naruto said.
“Don't worry. I won't bother you anymore.”
That made Naruto look up.
Big mistake.
Whenever Naruto looked at Kawaki before last night's incident, all he saw was a kid who needed help. But now, in the worst moment, his mind chose to make him see beyond that. Naruto wasn't blind. He already knew Kawaki was a handsome young man. It occurred to him before that he must be popular with kids his age. It seems that he must be popular with everyone, regardless of age or gender. Kawaki raised an eyebrow at being stared at for so long. Naruto averted his eyes.
“You're not bothering me, Kawaki. We've talked about this before.” Naruto didn't mean to sound so exasperated.
Naruto liked Kawaki. He was a good kid despite everything. He worked hard to support himself despite the world quite literally working against him. Naruto knew, firsthand, how unfair life can be to someone without parents, without a home. He had been there. It takes a lot of not only physical effort, but also mental fortitude to navigate such a harsh world. Naruto had a bad life, but he instinctively knew that Kawaki had it worse. The kid had a huge aversion to physical touch. The first time Naruto attempted to touch him, he had seen the tremendous fear in his eyes. A reaction that could only be born out of abuse. Naruto, despite all the hardships he went through, always craved physical touch and had always sought it instead of avoiding it.
Someone lonely and worse, alone, but also denied himself the comfort of touch, could only be in constant contradiction with himself.
Naruto didn't want Kawaki to think that he was a burden, nor that he regretted being kind to him. Quite the opposite. Naruto wasn't going to hold whatever happened last night against Kawaki. There's a long list of justifications that Naruto could give Kawaki, but he didn't even have to do that. In the grand scheme of things, Kawaki didn't hurt or betray him in any way. People feel what they feel, and it's difficult to control those aspects of oneself. Maybe he crossed a line by being too shameless, by not even looking guilty about what had happened, but Naruto wasn't expecting an apology. Not now, especially. Not when he, too, was struggling to keep this under control. Not when he looked at Kawaki, and for a split second, had allowed his mind to drift somewhere it should never have gone to.
“I am,” Kawaki said, his voice as calm as ever. “To you, I'm just a kid who's helpless.”
“And why is that bad?”
“Isn't it obvious?” Kawaki sighed.
Maybe it was the generational gap that made it impossible to understand each other. Kawaki was too young, too honest, easily accepting what he felt, and had the luxury of lousy morals and reckless decision-making. Naruto cannot be justified. Perhaps they'll never understand or convince each other. But that's fine, as long as Kawaki is safe, even from himself. Kawaki knew when a conversation was getting nowhere, and never pressed further.
“I'll be gone by tomorrow,” he had said before he left for his room.
Naruto had woken up to an empty house. Everything that had ever proved that Kawaki had lingered in his house was gone. Naruto's sleep-riddled brain thought that was a good thing. Kawaki should think of his future, of the long life he has in front of him, to remove Naruto from his mind. But as the day went by, Naruto found himself more and more distracted. Spacing out when people talked to him, or catching himself making no sense as he wrote an email. Naruto was worried. Too worried that it made him feel a strange guilt. Kawaki was an adult; he should be capable of taking care of himself just fine. But they didn't even say goodbye to each other. Naruto was justified in worrying. Kawaki was a magnet for fights.
In the end, Naruto couldn't help himself. Maybe he's gotten attached to the kid more than he initially thought. He had left work early, Shikamaru deciding to let him off the hook this time, and went to the coffee shop. He knew that Kawaki preferred the afternoon shift, but when he got inside the shop, he was greeted with Akebi instead.
“‘Evening, Mr. Uzumaki, what can I get for you?” She asked with her signature business smile.
“The usual,” he said, eyes scanning every corner of the shop.
“Kawaki isn't here. He's taking the morning shifts,” she said.
“Why? I know he doesn’t like waking up early.”
“Mhm, I'm as surprised as you are,” she said, briefly looking back at Naruto before returning to making the order. “But he said he needs the money, so he's working three different jobs now.”
“Three? That can't be healthy! I thought he'd saved enough for the rent.” Naruto said as he swiped his card.
“He said something about going back to school once summer is over. Maybe that's why he needs the money.” She explained.
The fact that Kawaki was probably a dropout never occurred to Naruto before, which is stupid. Kawaki should indeed be getting an education instead of working three jobs.
“Do you know where he works?” Naruto asked before he realized that was out of line. Akebi watched him for a long moment.
“I don't know where his second job is, but I know he's a waiter in Kara bar. Should be a night shift.” She decided to indulge him at last.
“Thank you,” Naruto inclined his head, and left.
The bar wasn't too far from the shop, a thirty-minute walking distance, and barely ten minutes drive. Naruto parked his car and walked inside. The giant rainbow flag that greeted him as he was let inside by the bouncer indicated that it was a gay bar. Naruto looked around, and all he could see were kids around Kawaki's age. Some were even younger. He wondered if some of them had forged an ID to slip past the bouncers. He walked to the bar, and the bartender greeted him with a smile.
“Welcome! Is this your first time here?” The boy asked, and Naruto felt a bit embarrassed at how obvious that he didn't belong here.
“Yes, I am. I'm looking for someone,” Naruto said, and suddenly the bartender's eyes hardened. “He's…a friend. His name is Kawaki.”
“I'm sorry, but I can't give information about anyone.” The bartender said with a nod.
“I understand,” Naruto said, a bit dejected.
“While you're here, why not get a drink? Your man might show up if you stay here long enough.” The bartender offered. Naruto didn't know if he felt bad for him or if he was just good at doing business.
“I might as well keep you company while you wait for him,” someone said from beside Naruto. Naruto turned to his right to see a boy with red hair and many more piercings and tattoos than Kawaki, looking at him from his barstool.
“Get him the usual, and pour me another drink,” the boy addressed the bartender before he looked at Naruto again. “Take a seat. I might know a thing or two about who you're looking for.”
At that, Naruto decided that it wouldn't hurt to have a drink.
“I'm Code,” the boy introduced.
“Naruto,” he said as he took a seat. Code watched him for a long while, his knuckles supporting his jawline on the countertop.
“You're his older brother?” Code said after a long pause.
“We're not related,” Naruto frowned.
“No shit. I was pulling your leg. You look nothing alike,” Code laughed. “His boyfriend?”
“What? No!” Naruto quickly denied. That made Code laugh even harder.
“Mhm, obviously. You're not his type.” Code said with so much confidence, Naruto almost wanted to correct the assumption.
“What do you mean?”
“He has a strange aversion to older men despite being popular with them. When we were classmates, the asshole could've just sucked a few dicks to pass his classes, but he'd rather die than give an older man the time of day.” Code explained. “Though I'm not so opposed to a good-looking man like yourself.”
Naruto blinked at Code, confused for a moment, he almost missed the flirtatious hand that touched his thigh. He had never been the type to go to bars or parties. He obviously got married at the tender age of nineteen; he wasn't experienced in things like this, nor did he know how to handle them. For a second, he was grateful that Kawaki, despite his feelings, had never tried to come so strongly onto him. He wouldn't have known how to deal with it.
“Code,” a sudden voice said beside them. Naruto first noticed the tattooed hand that grabbed Code's wrist before he registered the familiar patterns on it. He looked up to see Kawaki staring daggers at the red-haired boy.
“Kawaki!” Code said in faux-excitement. Naruto could sense the less-than-friendly tension.
“What are you doing?” Kawaki's frown deepened.
“What does it seem like? Flirting with a hot guy.” Code was finally successful in snatching his hand away from Kawaki's hold, rubbing the reddening skin there.
“Back off,” Kawaki said calmly.
“Huh? Why? He said you guys are not together. Are you?” Code turned to look at Naruto, who just blinked at him.
“Code,” Kawaki sighed impatiently. “Just be a good boy, and back off.”
Naruto had never heard Kawaki speak like that. He hadn't expected it at all; it prompted him to glance at Kawaki. Their eyes met for a moment before Kawaki looked away. Code jumped off his stool and found himself face to face with Kawaki, who, on paper, was only slightly taller than him, but the intimidating aura he exuded made him seem much more imposing.
“Jeez, you're so greedy, Kawaki.” He said, his face inching closer to Kawaki's. Naruto unconsciously clenched his hands into fists. “Not wanting to fuck, but not letting me fuck other men. Are you jealous? Just admit you still like me.”
Still. An ex?
It was such a foreign feeling. Naruto knew what protectiveness felt like. He had a young daughter, after all. He knew what it's like to want to protect someone you care about from harm. He had felt this about Kawaki that day when he found him surrounded by six men. But this feeling was different.
Naruto knew that Kawaki was capable of pushing this guy away. From what Naruto had seen of Kawaki fighting, he'd probably stomp this guy if it came down to it. He also knew he had no place to interfere. It was clear that Code wasn't intending to hurt Kawaki; quite the contrary. He could see the desperation in the kid’s eyes and the way his hands trembled from their proximity. He was simply crushing like no tomorrow on Kawaki. Probably for years now. But neither Kawaki's expression nor posture held an indication of any of those feelings being reciprocated. He was looking down at Code with placid eyes and a frown. Yet, Naruto's body moved on its own when the guy allowed himself to touch Kawaki’s shoulder, to scoot his face closer to him.
“I lied!” Naruto used his body to separate them, using his arm to push Kawaki behind him.
“Hah?” Code blinked in a mix of confusion and anger at him.
“I lied. We're together.” Naruto couldn't believe what he was saying. “He's mine, so as he told you, back off.”
Naruto could feel Kawaki's body freeze behind him.
“The fuck? Why would—”
Before Code could finish his sentence, Naruto felt a large hand on his forearm pulling him away.
“Hey, wait, you asshole! Kawaki!” was the last thing Naruto heard from the guy as he was dragged further away from him and outside of the bar.
Naruto couldn't have kept up even if he wanted to. Kawaki was so damn strong, and he soon found himself backed into a wall, an arm slamming it near his head. Naruto's heart was beating so fast, he thought he might damn well die. He allowed himself to open his eyes to see Kawaki staring down at him like he was prey to be hunted.
“I—”
“Shush,” Kawaki hissed, closing his eyes tightly shut.
Naruto slightly flinched, but did what he was told. His arms frozen at his sides, the wall smooth behind him for any purchase. Naruto had absolutely no idea if he was scared, upset, or excited. He ignored the tightness in his pants to be a functional human being for now. He will address whatever the hell had him aroused in this situation later. A moment passed, and Kawaki exhaled from his nose, his arm letting go from the wall behind Naruto, and his forehead suddenly falling onto the latter's shoulder.
“Just so you know, I've used every ounce of self-control not to do something you’d hate me for,” Kawaki said, and Naruto's brain couldn't come up with an answer while fighting a dozen other feelings that had him confused, guilty, and on the verge of crying.
“What the hell was that?” Kawaki pulled away, looking at Naruto with a frown and crossed arms.
“He was touching you,” Naruto swallowed, finding a sliver of composure.
“And?” Kawaki raised an eyebrow.
“You don't like to be touched,” Naruto half lied. Seems he's lying a lot tonight. Kawaki sighed, as if he conceded. Naruto felt bad about Kawaki believing his white lies, but they were still lies nonetheless.
“What are you even doing here? Didn't take you for a guy who hangs out at bars on a random Tuesday.” Kawaki said as he leaned on the wall next to Naruto.
“Akebi told me where you work. Though it doesn't seem you're doing any work…” Naruto didn't know where the chastising was coming from.
“My shift doesn't start until later, so I just hang around until then,” Kawaki explained as if Naruto owed him an explanation.
“A lot of people you know come here?” Naruto asked.
“Yes. I used to come here a lot back when I was still in college.”
“Akebi told me you dropped out. Why?”
Kawaki stayed silent for a moment.
“I just thought that it wouldn't make a difference,” Kawaki said, his tone indicating that he didn't want to speak about the topic. “You didn't answer my question.”
“I was worried about you.”
“I can take care of myself,” Kawaki countered.
“I know. I think it's just…I felt like we ended it on a sour note.” Naruto swallowed around the admission.
“Ended it?” Kawaki turned to look at Naruto with furrowed eyebrows.
“I guess I wanted a peaceful closure,” Naruto's smile wobbled.
“Closure?” Kawaki’s frown deepened before it turned into a rather incredulous look. “With all due respect, Mr. Uzumaki, but you can be so stupid sometimes.”
“Kawaki…” Naruto sighed.
“They'd have to kill me to peel me off your back. My life means nothing without you, Naruto.” They locked eyes, and Naruto had never seen so much determination on someone's face before. “I want to become a man, not just a kid who depended on your kindness. I want to become a man who's worthy of you.”
Naruto was rendered speechless.
“My shift starts soon,” Kawaki pushed himself off the wall. “See you at the coffeeshop now that I have the morning shift again.”
Naruto watched Kawaki's back as he disappeared inside the bar.
A month later
Naruto had drowned himself in work. He always did, but it had gotten worse. It was a bad habit he'd developed in adulthood. But now it was time to suffer the consequences of ignoring a very crucial part of life, which was, unfortunately, triggered by a troublesome young man.
“You look…tired,” Kawaki softened the blow when Naruto showed up as usual at the coffee shop. “Not sleeping enough?”
“Something like that,” Naruto couldn't look at Kawaki's eyes. He hadn't been doing that for a long time now.
“Not eating enough either, huh?” Kawaki, the good detective that he was, observed.
“Work has been hectic these days,” Naruto said.
“I see,” Kawaki watched him for a long moment before he started on the order.
“Have a good day, Kawaki,” Naruto said once his coffee was done. He paid and was out of the shop.
Naruto went through the motions of the day. Answered emails, partook in meetings, and resolved tensions between his coworkers. He was tired, but work came before everything else. When he returned home at around eight, he was too trashed to even make dinner. He thought about getting takeout, but he had no appetite either. Maybe he should skip dinner tonight, too.
When Naruto was getting ready to get into bed, his doorbell rang. He walked downstairs with a frown. Who would come to his house at this hour? No one he could think about. But when he opened the door to see Kawaki standing at the threshold, he was even more confused. It's been a month since Kawaki has been in his house. The guy was also busy with his jobs; they barely talked, save for the five minutes they saw each other at the coffee shop.
“Are you going to let me in, or are we staying at the door the whole night?” Kawaki asked.
“Oh, right. Sorry.” Naruto stepped aside. “Come in.”
Kawaki said nothing as he removed his shoes. At that moment, Naruto noticed a bag next to him.
“What are you doing?” Naruto asked once they were in the kitchen. Kawaki removed his jacket and put on the blue apron.
“I'm making you food,” Kawaki said, washing his hands at the sink.
“I'm not hungry,” Naruto retorted.
“Right,” Kawaki said dryly, opening the fridge. “I knew you weren't doing any groceries. How did you stay alive all this time?”
Naruto had no good answer to that. He'd been living off cafeteria food and water. It seemed that the bag was full of fresh groceries. Naruto felt guilty all over again. Who was the fully functioning adult between the two of them again?
Naruto watched Kawaki move around the kitchen like a natural. The first time he had used the kitchen, it took him more time to find where everything was instead of cooking. His overall culinary skills had improved exponentially. Food was food for Naruto, but he could tell that Kawaki wasn't just aiming to make something edible, but to make something good. In record time, Naruto had a plate of steaming homemade food under his eyes. He wasn't hungry a few minutes ago, but now that the delicious smell was hitting his nostrils, he all but demolished the sandwich.
“You're not eating?”
“Don't worry about me,” Kawaki said, still chopping and dicing. “I'm making you food to take to work for the next few days.”
Naruto would've loved to tell Kawaki to leave it alone, but he knew the kid was stubborn and there was no stopping him. When Naruto finished eating, he tried to wash the plate, but Kawaki stopped him, taking the dish from his hand.
“Go to sleep.”
“Alright, let me at least wash the dishes or something.” Naruto stood his ground. He was tired and wanted nothing to be in his bed, but Kawaki had done so much already. Kawaki watched him for a long, enervating moment before he suddenly leaned down, and Naruto found himself hauled up from the ground.
“Kawaki! Put me down!” Naruto flailed.
How strong is this guy? Naruto thought as he was easily carried like a potato sack over Kawaki's shoulder. Kawaki didn't answer, and so Naruto gave up on moving around. It was embarrassing, but he didn't want to accidentally hurt Kawaki or himself. He wasn't let down until they arrived inside Naruto's bedroom. He realized that this was the first time Kawaki had been in his room despite them living together for a whole month. It was a generic bedroom anyway. Nothing exciting to see there.
“Now go to sleep,” Kawaki pointed at the bed.
“Okay…” Naruto stood still, waiting for Kawaki to leave.
“I'm not leaving until you're in your bed.” Kawaki crossed his arms.
What is he? His dad.
Naruto sighed and slipped under the covers.
“Lie down and close your eyes,” Kawaki ordered.
Another sigh, but Naruto did what he was told.
“Good night, Naruto,” Kawaki said before he left and closed the door. Soon enough, Naruto found himself drifting off to sleep.
Miracles do happen, sometimes. Naruto had woken up once before his alarm. The sky was baby blue, and the chirping of birds was a nice tune to wake up to. He felt well rested for once in a long time. No dreams, good or bad, had interrupted his sleep, and he had done so for a full eight hours. He took a shower and freshened up in the bathroom before he walked downstairs. He didn't expect to find Kawaki still there, but he was. Sitting on the living room’s rug, his head lying over an open notebook on the coffee table, his lips slightly agape, deep in sleep. Did he stay up all night studying?
Naruto crouched to be on the same level as Kawaki's face. This couldn't have been a comfortable position to sleep in. Naruto felt bad. Kawaki had made sure Naruto had a full belly and a comfortable sleep, but he hadn't done the same for himself.
“Kawaki…” Naruto shook his shoulder softly. Seems like Kawaki was a heavy sleeper. He didn't move an inch until Naruto got a bit aggressive with the shaking. He blinked a few times before he sat up with a wince.
“Uh…”
The sound was cute. Naruto couldn't help but smile. It was rare to see Kawaki looking all disheveled and confused.
“What time is it?” Kawaki asked, rotating his neck. It cracked loudly.
“Six thirty,” Naruto stood up.
“Ah? So early…” Kawaki complained.
“We could grab coffee at the coffee shop before you have to open for customers,” Naruto suggested, and Kawaki seemed less annoyed at being woken up so early. They were really ill-matched. Both of them hated waking up early. Not one to straighten the other.
“I have to go home first, to change,” Kawaki said, on his way to the guest bathroom.
“I'll drive you there,” Naruto offered. Kawaki just nodded before he disappeared behind the bathroom door.
Kawaki’s new neighborhood was in a better area, and Naruto was happy to see that the kid was doing better for himself. When they arrived at the coffeeshop, Naruto stayed a couple of steps behind, letting Kawaki open up.
“You can take a seat there. I'll be back in a bit,” Kawaki said once they were inside. True to his words, shortly after, Kawaki was back with Naruto's usual coffee order and two cinnamon buns. The first hit of the delicious coffee made Naruto let out a little sigh. Kawaki just watched him, as he never knew when it was appropriate or not to stare at people.
“You enjoy my coffee that much?” He asked. Naruto looked up, chewing on the steaming bun. It was delicious, too.
“You ruined coffee for me. No offense to Delta and Akebi, but when I get coffee during their shifts, it just doesn't taste the same.” Naruto said with a small smile.
“I'll one day make your coffee every morning, every afternoon, and every day,” Kawaki promised.
“You already do it every morning, or afternoon…” Naruto realized mid-sentence what Kawaki had meant.
Naruto looked down, his cheeks heating up. Kawaki rarely flirted. And even when he does, it was always something sincere and intense like this. Really, what happened to you look great, or some cheesy pick-up line? Why does it have to be I want to be by your side forever?
“What's your schedule like?” Naruto quickly changed the topic.
“Eight to one in the coffee shop, two to five classes, I go to the gym before starting my shift at the bar from eight to three. Sometimes, I also work at a diner.” Kawaki explained.
“You work during the weekends?” Naruto asked, slowly understanding where he was taking this conversation.
“At the bar, yes, same shift.” Kawaki frowned, wondering where the interrogation was going.
“And before that? Do you usually have any plans?”
“Sometimes I go to the library with Eida.”
Eida. Naruto will ask about who that is later. Now, he had more pressing matters at hand.
“What about this weekend, are you going—”
“No, I'm not.”
Naruto blinked at Kawaki. Seems like Kawaki had realized where this was going, and was too impatient to wait another second for Naruto to spell it out.
“Good. I'll pick you up in the afternoon." Naruto finally said.
“Okay,” Kawaki nodded.
Naruto took the last bite of his bun, the coffee still not even halfway done. That was good, he'll finish it on his way to work.
“I'd better get going,” he stood up, coffee in hand, “have a good day, Kawaki.”
“You too, Naruto,” Kawaki said as he walked him outside the shop.
Time went by fast when Kawaki was around. A month had easily elapsed when they lived together; the five minutes they had with each other every morning always felt like two seconds. It was strange. Maybe that's why Naruto had suggested that they spend some time together during the weekend. Or maybe he felt guilty for everything Kawaki had done for him and wanted to treat him to something.
Naruto might have gone a bit above and beyond. But he knew Kawaki deserved to experience good things. He deserves everything good the world has to offer. Naruto had been here for business meetings and liked the atmosphere and especially the food. He had no doubt Kawaki would enjoy it. Once they secured a table for themselves and the waiter took their orders, Kawaki looked at him with a frown.
“Mr. Uzumaki, what is this?” Kawaki asked. Naruto found it funny that Kawaki only used polite language when he was sure to offend him with his next words. Mr. Uzumaki was always followed by you can be so stupid or some other iteration of that.
“A restaurant?” Naruto tilted his head in confusion.
“I can see that, thank you,” Kawaki said in his funny, sarcastic tone. “You should've told me it's fancy, I look like a college student on a date with his sugar daddy.”
Naruto blinked at him before he realized that Kawaki wasn't at all dressed for the occasion. A black hoodie with some horrific design on it, and black sweats. At that moment, Naruto realized that people were staring at them.
“Well, they're half right. You're a college student,” Naruto tried to defuse the situation, but Kawaki only scowled at him.
Kawaki, as easily as he was to annoy, easily let go of things. Soon enough, he was asking Naruto about his week and if he liked the food he had made for him. Naruto also asked about what Kawaki is studying, which Naruto learned was data science.
“Eh, you must be really smart, huh?” Naruto complimented.
“Not really,” Kawaki shrugged. “What did you study?”
“Accounting and I have an MBA,” Naruto looked up at the waiter with a smile when she came back with their orders.
“And you’re saying I’m smart,” Kawaki said, looking at the delicious food that was set in front of him. “This looks like food from heaven.”
Naruto laughed at the excited look on Kawaki’s face. It was rare to see him so expressive, and when it happened, Naruto couldn’t help but file every reaction in his mind. Kawaki had told him that many people had thought he was emotionless or an asshole for having what he called a resting bitch face—but it was something that he was born with, and couldn’t really control. It could be funny sometimes, and other times, it left Naruto feeling cold. He learned to find small differences in the way his eyes twinkled, or his eyebrows drew together, or the slight twitch in his lips to gauge what he was feeling. Though Kawaki left nothing to be desired. He was pretty honest with his words, even if his face didn’t show much.
“Ah, I’m full,” Naruto felt his belt straining against his belly.
“You should start eating better,” Kawaki frowned at him.
“I will try…” Naruto looked away. He’s trying.
“I’ll come tomorrow afternoon to make your lunches for next week,” Kawaki informed while the waiter removed the empty plates. When she asked if they’d like to have dessert or if they wanted to have a drink, both Kawaki and Naruto asked for coffee.
“You’re not going to the library with your friend, Eida was their name?”
“Yeah, she’s a classmate. She’s been helping me get used to classes again,” Kawaki explained. “We usually go to the library in the morning, so I’ll come after I finish with her.”
“You don’t have to. I will do it myself.” Naruto said.
“I’ve lived with you. You get too busy with your work, even during the weekends, you'll forget to do it.” Kawaki let the waiter put his coffee in front of him. He took a sip, an approving look on his face.
“I’ll make sure not to forget.” Naruto took a sip, and he too can say it’s good. Nowhere near Kawaki’s, though.
“I’m coming either way.”
“Stubborn, aren’t you?” Naruto sighed, and Kawaki shrugged.
They continued to talk as they drank their coffee, and they gradually started to feel lighter. Kawaki asked if Naruto would like to eat something in particular, and Naruto said that anything would be fine. He didn’t forget to let Kawaki know that his cooking had really improved from the first time he had made anything for him. Kawaki didn’t have any reaction to the compliment, which was something that Naruto had noticed. Naruto would have thought that Kawaki would like to be complimented or praised, but he never showed any reaction, not even saying thanks. Naruto wondered if it was just something to do with his usual cold demeanor, or if compliments and praise did nothing for him.
The conversation was flowing nicely until the waiter came with the bill presenter. She instinctively put it in front of Naruto before she left. Before Naruto could open it to look at the receipt, the leather-bound folio was removed from under Naruto’s eyes.
“Wha—?” Naruto looked up to see Kawaki already opening it, slipping his card inside the card slot, and closing it. He put it to the side and looked at Naruto with a hard gaze.
“What are you doing?” Naruto asked.
“What does it look like I'm doing?” Kawaki raised an eyebrow. This wasn't the time for Kawaki to get sassy with him.
“Did you even look at the receipt?”
“I don't have to,” Kawaki said, easily, as if the numbers there weren't in the three digits.
“You can't possibly afford this, Kawaki. Don't be stubborn.” Naruto reasoned.
“And how do you know that?” Kawaki challenged.
“Unless you've been lying to me all this time, then I'm sure you can't.”
“Then, you know nothing.”
“I invited you,” Naruto insisted.
“Thanks for the invitation, but that doesn't mean I'm letting you pay.” He said, raising a hand for the waiter to come over.
“Kawaki…” Naruto hissed.
The waiter came over, and Naruto stayed silent even after she went away. He wasn't going to make a scene inside the restaurant. She came back shortly after, and Kawaki took out his card from the folio and slid it inside his wallet.
“Let's go,” he said, standing up. Naruto followed behind him in silence.
Once they were near the car, the parking lot virtually empty, Naruto spoke up.
“Let me transfer the money back to you,” he said calmly.
“No?” Kawaki turned around to look at him.
“Stop being stubborn. I invited you, so it's my treat.” Naruto was already tired of this conversation. Why must Kawaki be like this? So hard to convince once he's set his mind on something.
“You've treated me enough. You let me stay at your house for over a month without asking for anything in return. This isn’t going to cause the end of the world. And I'm sure you've let other people pay for you, so why not me?” Kawaki asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I never let others pay for me?” Naruto was confused by the assumption. Kawaki looked at him as if he were lying.
“You said you dated a man named Sasuke?” Kawaki furrowed his eyebrows.
“And?” Naruto was starting to put two and two together. “He never paid anything for me. I took care of finances when I was with him and when I was with Hinata, too.”
“That's stupid.”
Naruto took a long inhale.
“Relationships don't work like that, you know? Whoever is able to pay will pay. It's not a role specific to anyone.” Naruto took a step closer to Kawaki.
“You're contradicting yourself.”
“I'm not. I've always naturally taken the role of the provider. It doesn’t mean anything, so stop being stubborn, and let me pay you back.” Naruto was close enough to Kawaki to see his expression falter for a moment at the proximity.
Well, if Naruto knew that physical distance was one way to make Kawaki's hard demeanor soften, he would've done it earlier rather than have this long-winded conversation. However, Naruto thought wrong, because after that fleeting moment of hesitation, something in Kawaki's eyes changed, his eyes zeroing in on Naruto's face as if he was studying him.
It was Naruto's turn to falter. Kawaki's stare from a safe distance was manageable, but up close, Naruto could see all the things he'd been denying all this time. The way Kawaki’s eyes fell on his lips, stuck there for longer than appropriate, before they roamed every inch of his face. The admiration was so blatant, Naruto’s heart picked up pace, his ears heating up. He initiated this proximity, so, for some reason, he didn't want to back out. That would be even more embarrassing. But that had its own consequences. Kawaki was so damn handsome from this close up, and the way he was staring at him, desire and admiration written all across his perfect features, was unfair.
As if to put salt to injury, Kawaki leaned closer until their faces were an inch away from each other. Kawaki's grey eyes boring into Naruto's blue ones, his warm breath fanning Naruto's face.
“I said they’re stupid. You, stop being stubborn.” He said before pulling away. He took a look at Naruto's frozen frame and unreadable expression with a raised eyebrow. “See you tomorrow,” he said before he walked away. Naruto swallowed around his parched throat.
“Where are you going?” He barely pulled himself out of his stupor to ask.
“Home.”
“Let me drive you,” Naruto balled his hands into sweaty fists.
“It's fine, just go home,” Kawaki waved a dismissive hand before he continued walking.
Naruto watched him go until he could no longer see him. He slipped into the driver's seat, his forehead hitting the steering wheel.
One month later
After that date, he and Kawaki have fallen into a bit of a routine. Every time Kawaki had any free time, he’d come to Naruto’s house to help around. Feeling bad for the kid doing his chores for no reason, he stopped slacking off, and soon Kawaki always came to a spotless house—but was upset when Naruto cooked for himself, so the latter never did that again. Since there wasn’t much to do around the house anymore, Kawaki didn’t leave, but instead, he’d stay and do his school work in Naruto’s living room. No matter how much Naruto tried to convince him to sleep over when it gets too late, Kawaki refuses with the excuse that he didn’t bring a change of clothes.
Weekends became sure days for them to see each other. Naruto didn’t ask, but it seemed that his meet-ups with his friend had stopped for some reason (Naruto would like to believe that it was not because Kawaki wanted to spend more time with him than make new friends, but he wasn’t going to ask because…there are some things better left unknown)
Kawaki remained subtle, but he was flirting more than ever. It was barely anything to write home about, but coming from him, it meant a lot for Naruto. It was simple, lingering touches, meaningful glances, and a burning look every time he inadvertently did something that Kawaki's perverted mind deemed sexy—and there were many such things. It was surely overwhelming, in the most subtle way possible. Naruto couldn't necessarily confront Kawaki because it was too cunning for him to make any concrete accusations, and the kid was a real menace, a genius with this little plan he'd devised that was working.
The worst part, though, Naruto was sure Kawaki hadn't planned and might not even have been aware of. What made the situation difficult for Naruto wasn't the flirting or the unbearable tension, but rather those moments of oppressive silence. When the house is quiet on a warm Sunday afternoon. Kawaki prefers to settle down near the floor, his laptop and notebooks on the table. Music isolates him from the outside world as he concentrates on his work. Sometimes, his concentration falters because of a song he particularly likes; he murmurs the lyrics, nods his head in time with the music, before catching himself, shaking his head, and refocusing.
Naruto watched it all and hated the thought of not being able to someday. He knew there was only one way to make sure he did, but was he willing to do it?
This time, unlike many others, Kawaki felt Naruto's gaze on him. He removed one earbud and tilted his head questioningly. Naruto simply shook his head to indicate it was nothing. Unconvinced, he put his music back on, trying to refocus on his work, but Naruto’s heart had other ideas.
He placed his coffee on the side table and took the few steps to sit next to Kawaki on the rug. Kawaki removed the earbud again and looked at him with a puzzled expression. Naruto repeated his previous action, and Kawaki, still confused, looked back at his screen, where numbers and equations that meant nothing to Naruto were on it, except that they made him dizzy and sleepy. He let his head fall onto Kawaki's shoulder. Kawaki visibly stiffened but said nothing. The occasional sound of the keyboard keys, the scratching of the pen on the paper, and the warmth of the body against him soothed him, plunging him into a state of calm, between wakefulness and sleep.
“Naruto…” Kawaki’s quiet voice inconveniently pulled him out of the relaxing daze. “Get off.”
Mean.
“No,” he replied.
“Naruto…I can’t focus like this.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Naruto felt strange, like he was in a good dream.
“I’m being serious.”
Naruto could hear the frown in Kawaki’s voice.
“Then don’t focus,” Naruto said, unhelpfully, and Kawaki, as usual, barely refused any of his suggestions. Distantly, he could hear the laptop and notebook close, his position becoming more comfortable, as Kawaki leaned back on the sofa behind him. The silence was pleasant before Kawaki spoke.
“I won’t be able to come in the next few days.” The comfortable silence turned bitter.
“Is something wrong?” Naruto didn’t remove his head from Kawaki’s shoulder. Maybe his heart knew about this before he did, prompting him to act uncharacteristically and initiate proximity. A few days were nothing in the grand scheme of things, but Naruto knows himself by now. It was too late to back out. He had already grown attached.
“Nah, I’ll be busy with finals and work, I’m not sure I’ll have time,” Kawaki sounded as bitter as Naruto felt.
Naruto opened his eyes to see Kawaki’s hands politely arranged in the gap between his crossed legs. If only Kawaki had been more insolent and bold, if he had dared to use his arms to smother the bitterness in his tone, and the one gnawing at Naruto’s heart. Then, maybe Naruto could have someone else to blame, unlike if he had to be the one to initiate. But he didn’t do anything about it, nor did Kawaki. It hung between them silently, in the easy spring afternoon, unspoken and heavy.
When Kawaki left in the evening, the heaviness lingered.
Two weeks later
When the doorbell rang, Naruto knew immediately who it was. Who it had to be.
Naruto didn't bother with wearing any pants as he walked downstairs to greet the expected guest. As soon as the door opened, Kawaki was in his personal space. Arms around his shoulders, and face buried in his neck. Naruto shivered when Kawaki inhaled his scent, mouthing at the warm skin as he spoke.
“I missed you,” he mumbled, arms falling lower to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer until he had no choice but to return the embrace.
It's been two weeks. A long two weeks. It had never occurred to Naruto that he'd miss the boy this much. Ever since they met, they would at least see each other every morning. With Kawaki dropping the morning shift in the coffee shop due to his finals, there was no other way for them to meet.
Kawaki had never asked for Naruto's number, and so he didn't. They never had to text or call. Kawaki knew where he lived, and he never hesitated to show up unannounced.
Naruto wouldn’t have known what to do with himself if this wasn’t exactly how Kawaki greeted him.
The heaviness was suddenly lifted.
Naruto attempted to pull away, perhaps to look at Kawaki's face, to make sure he looked fine, that he had gotten enough sleep and nutrition despite his busy schedule, but the grip the latter had on him was like a vice. His hands were trembling like the first time Naruto initiated a hug. And the second time, Kawaki did so. This time, it wasn't from a panic attack nor from nerves. It was maybe from excitement.
Kawaki reminded Naruto of a puppy, especially now. Nuzzling his face in Naruto's neck. It was adorable and endearing; he couldn't help but pat Kawaki's head. That only spurred the latter to get a bit more affectionate. His lips were warm and soft against Naruto's exposed shoulder, and so were his hands.
Naruto was touch-starved. Was Kawaki-starved.
“Hmm,” he tilted his neck to the side unconsciously, his body welcoming the attention without his permission. Only the warm air blowing from Kawaki's nose indicated that he was moving along the planes of Naruto's shoulder and neck.
The position was dangerous. In the same way, it had been back when Naruto had been backed against the wall of the bar where Kawaki worked. And in the same way, it was when he was too close to Naruto's face after their date. It was dangerous because Naruto liked it.
And so did Kawaki because his self-control slipped, and his lips closed around the skin, wet and warm, and Naruto felt his knees weaken, and a small sound involuntarily escaped his lips. Even if Naruto wanted to put a stop to this, he couldn't have. Even with trembling hands, Kawaki made use of the opportunity presented to him; he wasn't only breathing in the scent of Naruto, but also tasting him. Tongue soft and movement deliberate. Naruto was panting, his briefs tight against him when Kawaki was done with him.
Relief flooded Naruto when Kawaki backed away to look at him. He looked well-rested and well-fed…but that also meant he looked as handsome as he could get. Longing looked ethereal on him. His eyes couldn't rest, couldn’t decide where to look, so they looked everywhere. At Naruto's eyes, nose, lips…his tousled hair and every inch of his face. Naruto watched the troubled gaze, something inside him dangerously growing with every passing second, until it made the pit of his stomach heavy once Kawaki’s gaze settled on his own.
It was obvious, as clear as right and wrong, what he craved. It was evident on the way his lips trembled. Those desires that Kawaki had always so skillfully concealed had been laid bare.
To be desired like this… Naruto hadn't felt this way in so long. Everything in him wanted to give Kawaki what he wanted. But Kawaki was fast to take the initiative when it came to pleasing him. That's all he's ever wanted, done ever since they met. It had been so long, years, since he'd felt such a firm body against his, arms capable of hurting him as much as supporting him. It was shameful, but desire blinded him.
He was strung up, having done nothing so intimate in a long time. A simple nudge of Kawaki's knee on his cock made him falter. Kawaki was, of course, there to support him. Naruto couldn't resist the delicious friction. His head against the door, his eyes closed, his hips pressed against the firm leg between his thighs. Kawaki's hands immediately settled on him, a thumb caressing his lips before slipping into the warmth of his mouth.
“Fuck,” Kawaki breathed out, clearly affected. “You're so beautiful.”
The praise went straight to Naruto's cock. It was embarrassing how turned he was, and how close he was, especially when Kawaki's voice sounded so desperate.
“Can I kiss you, please?”
So polite and patient. Sweet and good for him. Naruto wanted to tell him as much, but all he could do was give a curt nod.
Kawaki was all over him, lips gently pressing against his and hands on his waist, encouraging him to pick up the pace. And so he did. He felt hot, sweat gathering at his temples, and precum staining his boxers. It wasn't enough, but that was what made it hot.
“Do you wanna come like this?” Kawaki asked against his lips, warm breath and trembling words.
“Yeah…”
Kawaki, of course, obliged. He pulled him closer until Naruto's chin was on his shoulder, hands unsteady but sure as they snuck under the flimsy fabric and got a hold of his bottom, helping him grind down and chase more of the friction. Naruto held onto Kawaki's shoulders for dear life, squeezing his eyes shut, his orgasm approaching.
“Close?” His deep voice sent shivers along Naruto’s spine, his hips jerking. A little chuckle came out of Kawaki's lips. Naruto knew he wasn't lasting another second. “Come for me, Naruto.”
And so Naruto did. A silent orgasm ripped into him, smoldering and intense. Kawaki held him in place, locked on his thigh and against his firm chest. He kept him there for a while, knowing that Naruto's legs would betray him if he let go.
Naruto's labored breaths slowed down, his awareness coming back to him after the post-orgasmic bliss. The regret he was expecting to hit him never came; only a strange feeling of dissatisfaction settled in his guts. A greediness he hadn't experienced in a long time gnawed at him.
Kawaki let him go for only a second before he was on him again. It was less kissing and more devouring. Naruto let him dominate the kiss because he wanted to, and because he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it anyway.
“Naruto…Naruto…” he repeated, breathless. “Let me do something, do something, I'm losing my mind…Naruto…”
He pleaded between desperate kisses, his hands on either side of Naruto's face, holding him in place. Naruto had to pull away from Kawaki's embrace to touch his chest and push him back an inch. When he realized Naruto wanted him to back off, he seemed on the verge of tears. Cute, so cute, and sexy. As much as Kawaki was sure to ruin him, Naruto realized that he had the power to do as much too.
With a slow and gentle movement, Naruto changed their positions, with Kawaki's back against the door. His eyes widened when Naruto sank to his knees, wasting no time in unbuckling his pants, freeing his cock.
Naruto hasn’t given a blowjob in years, and the sheer size of the cock in front of him didn’t inspire confidence in him either. But he should have known that his skills were irrelevant, because as soon as he tried to swallow even an inch of Kawaki, the latter was already a real talking disaster.
“Shit, Naruto…” he curled his hands into fists. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
Naruto would’ve laughed at the shocked tone if he wasn’t afraid of choking on the hard, throbbing cock down his throat. Kawaki was really cute.
Naruto put his hands to cover the rest of Kawaki’s that his unused throat couldn’t fit, Kawaki’s desperate sounds above him, and the hands behind his head, encouraging his pace. Naruto got lost in his own ministrations. He had forgotten how good the weight, the girth, and the warmth against his tongue could be, especially when the receiver was as enthusiastic as Kawaki.
“fuck, Naruto, stop, stop, stop!” Kawaki punctuated his strained words by pulling harshly at Naruto’s hair.
Naruto resisted the pull, relaxing his throat even further, taking him deeper. He slightly choked at the warm come spilling down his throat, and the corner of his eyes watered. The tight grip at the back of his head was only a taste of what Kawaki could be capable of. Naruto pulled away in tandem with a soft thud against the door. Naruto stood back on his feet, the slight ache in his knees very welcome.
Kawaki slowly opened his eyes, his lips still slightly parted and his breath coming in short gasps, looking at him with half-closed eyes before stepping away from the door. He took another step, their eyes meeting for a long moment, a moment of understanding for Naruto, and of growing panic for Kawaki.
"Don't even think about it." Kawaki's fingers tightened around Naruto's wrist, as if he were about to run away.
"Move in with me," Naruto blurted out before he could stop himself.
"What?" Kawaki's incredulous expression was ridiculous; a rare smile lit up his usually cold features. Naruto couldn't help but reach out and brush his thumb against Kawaki's lips before placing his hand on Kawaki's warm cheek.
"Move in with me," Naruto assured him. "That way, you won't have to go home late after coming, and someone can drive you to class."
Kawaki took Naruto’s hand and pulled him closer, so that their faces were only inches apart.
“Naruto, please… if this is one of your acts of kindness, don’t be so cruel.”
“It isn’t.”
I just knelt for you. Naruto would have said so if he hadn’t been ashamed, but instead, he placed a chaste kiss on Kawaki’s lips, embarrassment rising in his cheeks now that lust had faded. Naruto didn’t have to worry about it for long, because the next moment, Kawaki had made him forget even his own name.