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"Lugggggg, sweetie pie, honey, badass backpack wife," Anode pleaded. "Gift-giving is a Hanukkah tradition!"
"I'm not going to steal Brainstorm's fancy 'treasure detector' as your gift!"
~*~*~
"Percyyyyyyy," Brainstorm begged. "It'll be my Hanukkah gift!"
"I'm not going to help you make a weaponized dreidel, Brainstorm."
"But we could have dreidel death tournaments!"
"I agree with Brainstorm, you should make weaponized dreidels," Whirl chimed in.
Perceptor whipped around in surprise. "Why is Whirl in the lab?"
"His Hanukkah gift is the big honkin' gun I just finished," Brainstorm explained.
"That unfortunately makes perfect sense."
"It's all I ever wanted," Whirl said, cradling the gun like a sparkling.
"Please, Percy, pleasepleaseplease- it'll raise crew morale! Like Rodimus wants!" Brainstorm resumed his begging. "Dreidel death tournaments…"
"Fine," Perceptor said, dragging a hand down his face. "But I will be limiting the amount of fatal components involved."
"We're doing dreidel death tournaments?" Swerve asked.
"Brainstorm," Perceptor sighed. "Why is Swerve in the lab?"
Brainstorm shrugged. "Big honkin' gun. Again."
~*~*~
Brainstorm and Perceptor worked for the whole cycle, workshopping their weaponized dreidels. Flamethrowers, saws, insults- they could do a lot of damage. To the other dreidels, that is.
Eventually, though, the two scientists left to watch Rodimus light the menorah again. And that's when Anode and Lug made their move.
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," Lug complained as she and her conjunx snuck into the lab.
"You said you wouldn't steal for me, so you're stealing with me instead! Or, y'know what, we can call it borrowing." Anode stuck out an arm to stop Lug as she checked for any traps.
"I don't think the lab is booby-trapped."
"Hey, you never know with this crew. Maybe skipping over pits full of knives is how Brainstorm jumpstarts his science-thinking in the morning."
"You know what? Yeah, I wouldn't put it past him."
Anode pointed at a shelf ahead of them. "There it is- the treasure detector. Won't be as fun as looking normally, but it'll be a whole lot easier."
The treasure detector was probably one of the simplest things on Brainstorm's side of the lab. It was a pole with a disk at one end and a handle on the other. About a quarter of the way down the pole from the handle, there was a small console attached.
"Come to mama," Anode said under her breath as she flew up to the shelf to retrieve the device.
Then the alarm started.
"YOU CHECKED FOR TRAPS, BUT NOT FOR ALARMS?" Lug yelled over the beeping.
"LISTEN, I WAS DISTRACTED BY THE SHINY NEW DEVICE," Anode explained, yelling back.
The doors to the labs burst open and Brainstorm unceremoniously tumbled through, transforming back to root mode in midair.
"HEY!" He yelled. "YOU CAN'T STEAL FROM YOUR CREWMATES!"
"WELL-" Anode started, but Brainstorm held up a hand to quiet her.
He went over to his workbench and turned off the lab's alarm.
There was, however, still a loud, obnoxious beeping sound coming from the treasure detector, which Anode was still holding.
"WHY IS IT SCREAMING AT US?" Lug shouted.
"BECAUSE IT'S A METAL DETECTOR, AND WE'RE ALL MADE OF METAL," Brainstorm shouted back. "JUST TURN IT OFF!"
Anode turned it off, and the lab was finally quiet again. The three bots stood in the blissful silence for a few kliks.
"Why would you make a metal detector?!" Anode asked, looking a bit annoyed.
"Because Swerve watched some human video and thought it would be cool, and then it wouldn't stop beeping, and he was really sad that it didn't work out, so I gave him a really big gun for Hanukkah. So maybe the real treasure was the weapons we engineered along the way!"
"I mean, that sounds like a pretty good treasure," Lug pointed out.
Anode groaned, running her hands down her face. "Yeah, but I wanted a treasure detector so I could get you a really good gift. There's only so much I can find by myself."
"Aw, really?" Lug walked over to Anode and motioned for her to bend down, giving her conjunx a kiss once she was within range. "That's super sweet! But you don't have to find stuff all by yourself. You have me, and the best present you can give me is your time. And maybe a new set of mood pipes."
"That's nice and all," Brainstorm interrupted, "but can you please put the metal detector back? And preferably try not to steal stuff from the lab again? It could blow up in your face. Literally."
That was the moment when Perceptor finally got back to the lab, having had to take a scooter.
"I see it's all taken care of, then?" Perceptor asked.
"Yep," Brainstorm answered. "Just two sweetsparks going on a heist together. A Hanukkah heist- hey, that's a fun alliteration!"
"She was trying to get me a gift," Lug said. "It's okay, right? We're cool?"
"Seeing as no harm was done, I think everything is alright," Perceptor agreed. "But speaking of gifts…"
Perceptor produced a small box from his subspace and handed it to Brainstorm. The engineer tore open the packaging to retrieve whatever was inside.
"Awwwwww, Percy, you shouldn't have!" Brainstorm excitedly hugged Perceptor, planting a masked kiss on the microscope's cheek.
"What is it?" Anode asked, trying to see what Brainstorm was holding.
"It's an even tinier model of his alt mode! I already have a normal one, but this one is so small and cute!" Brainstorm showed the tiny Perceptor model to the treasure-hunters-slash-thieves.
"Well, you like trinkets," Perceptor explained. "Magnus also said that humans sometimes call them tchotchkes."
"Oooooh, that is a good word," Anode said. Brainstorm and Lug both nodded their agreement. "Well, I guess we'd better go now. My gift to my wonderful conjunx is my time." Anode jokingly bowed and began to walk out of the lab.
"Eh, I'm feeling generous. Take the metal detector," Brainstorm said, holding out the aforementioned device.
"Giving away your inventions? It's a Hanukkah miracle," Perceptor joked.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Brainstorm sighed at sat down at his work bench. "Well. The real Hanukkah miracle will be if anyone manages to beat us in the dreidel death tournament."
"Brainstorm…"
"Don't worry, everything will be nonlethal!"