Chapter Text
While Donny sat in the white house on a crisp autumn evening listening to a recording of himself saying things he'd deny saying later, he received a knock on his golden plated door. After forgetting to answer said knock, his guest just walked in, none other than Matt Gaetzs.
"Matty? what're you doing here? I thought you were still on the island that I know nothing about and also doesn't exist"
Ignoring his words in favor of kissing his ass, Matt replied "Of course Mr. Dadd- I mean President. Now I'm here today to ask for your ass- I mean hand in marriage on behalf of all MAGA everywhere, except Marjorie Taylor Green, she's busy with Melania."
"Lewinsky?"
"No your dom- I mean wife."
"Right"
Ignoring his decrepit memory Matt Gaetzs awaited a reply from Donny. After a moment of glazed over drooling Donny reminisced orangely as he sat back in his chair.
"you see Matty, I'm easy so you can have my hand in marriage if you only defeat my seven deadly exes. they're the most deadly exes you've ever seen, so deadly."
Matt Gaetzs raised a comically boomerang shaped eyebrow, "and who would these exes be sir?"
Donny smiled fondly as he counted off on his sausage fingers, "Kim Jong Un, oh I love his laugh. Putin, you know we used to go on walks in the snow. Jeffrey, you know hanging yourself is a pussy way to dump someone. Bolsonaro, that jail sentence really messed up our trip plans. Elon, I do miss the girth of his net worth in bed at night. Sleepy Joe, with me he was never sleepy you know? And of course, My big beautiful Bill, that bitch Hilary doesn't deserve him."
Matt Gaetz tried to nod along but the wind caught his smiling-friends-wannabe forehead and prevented him from doing so. Instead he replied, "Great job with that list Mr. President, where can I find these Exes hm?"
Donny gestured to the imaginary camera "well if you ask the viewers they'll probably say something stupid like "he's got them all running around in a giant Rat Maze in Maralago." But that's ridiculous"
Matt Gaetzs paused "so where are they?"
"Giant Rat maze in Maralago"
"Thank you daddy- I mean Mr. President"
And So Matt Gaetzs and the real estate he calls a forehead set out for Maralago to win Trump' micro-dick once and for all, on behalf of all MAGA.