Chapter Text
It was on the very first day of school that Uchiha Sasuke met the person who would alter the course of his life forevermore. It came in the form of a pink-haired girl who, upon seeing him, grabbed his hand, sat him down, and told him very seriously: “Together, you and I are going to save the world.”
Sasuke had never been told this before. He figured most people hadn’t. But while it intrigued him, he hadn’t been immediately convinced into going along with some random classmate’s plans who, upon further inspection, had a glint to their eyes that was rather worrisome.
He dismissed her then, and was promptly set upon by fangirls.
The next day at lunch, the pink-haired girl brought a watermelon to school, stood next to Sasuke, and making very deliberate eye contact with their classmates, crushed it with her bare hands. The fangirls avoided him after that.
That was the moment Sasuke decided that maybe Haruno Sakura was worth keeping around after all.
—
When Sasuke finally snuck his way into Sakura’s bedroom after school the next day, he was immediately confronted by a fellow classmate. It was not Sakura. Instead, it was a yellow-haired boy, the loud and obnoxious one who had interrupted their teacher during introductions.
“What are you doing here?” Sasuke demanded.
“Me?” The boy asked, pointing at him rudely. “Sakura-chan said she’s gonna help me become Hokage! What’re you doin’ here?”
“I’m here to help save the world!” Sasuke blurted, baffled.
It was then that Sakura swept into the room, door slamming into the wall behind her. “We’re all here to save the world,” she announced.
“But—”
“You can’t become Hokage if we all get devoured by a rabbit goddess, Naruto,” Sakura pointed out reasonably. “So really, we’re all doing you a favour.”
“…Oh.” Naruto thought about it for a moment. “I guess that’s okay then.”
“What do you mean about getting devoured by a rabbit goddess?” Sasuke asked. He felt that was probably the most important point in this conversation.
“There are many, many problems with this world,” Sakura intoned. “The rabbit goddess is just one of them. An awfully big one, though. But don’t worry! We will work through each problem one step at a time. Plus Ultra! Uh, wrong fandom.”
Naruto leaned forward, almost toppling off the bed. “What problems, Sakura-chan?”
“What problems, you ask?” Sakura’s eyes glinted again, and Sasuke was suddenly hit by a mysterious feeling that indicated he would probably be in for a bad time. He would become very familiar with this feeling in the coming few weeks.
“Oh, let me tell you about the problems.”
—
By the end of the furious whiteboard presentation, all three of them lay sprawled out on Sakura’s bed, staring blank-eyed at the cherry blossom printed ceiling above.
“That’s a lot of problems,” Sasuke said hoarsely.
“We need to destroy the moon!” Naruto cried out. “We need to stop the Akatsuki! I need to make friends with Kurama!”
Sasuke suddenly powered upright from the bed. “We need to tell Itachi!”
“No!” Sakura cried. She slammed her hands down on Sasuke’s shoulders, and stared very deeply into his eyes. “Sasuke, listen to me. Itachi is an idiot.”
Sasuke gaped. He wasn’t even sure what to do. Come roaring to Itachi’s defense? But this wasn’t even something he knew how to defend. Nobody had ever, ever, said something like that about Itachi before.
“Itachi’s a genius,” he said weakly.
Sakura wobbled her hand. “A genius idiot,” she amended. “But… he’ll probably still be useful! Actually, that’s step number one. We need to make people like the Uchiha again!”
Sasuke bristled slightly. That was a sore spot. It was true that in the village, other people seemed to be… colder towards his clan than normal. Itachi tried to hide it, but Sasuke knew it all the same.
“It’s not fair. The Uchiha clan is powerful and loyal to Konoha.”
Sakura winced. “Uh… yeah. But that’s why we’re going to fix that!” She nodded decisively. “We need a long-term plan. Something to give us more powerful support, and to give the Uchiha a stronger position in the village. Which leads into my brilliant plan…”
She sat up straighter, wiggling her hands at them. “Uchiha for Hokage!”
“What?” Naruto squawked. “But I’m gonna be Hokage!”
“Uchiha for temporary Hokage,” Sakura assured him. “Just enough for politics. To, uh, prevent certain things. And then once everything is good and people like the Uchiha again, they can start training you. They’ll owe us a favour for helping them get their position, so. It’ll all work out!”
Sasuke considered this. He was pretty sure his father would be pretty happy if there was an Uchiha as the Hokage. And everyone respected the Hokage. Maybe Sakura was onto something after all.
“Who’s going to be Hokage, then?” He wondered aloud.
“They have to be powerful,” Sakura answered promptly. “And really smart, because they have to handle politics. But most importantly, they need to be super charismatic.”
Naruto frowned. “Charis-what?”
“Charismatic. Like, friendly and nice and good at talking. Someone who's good at convincing people and everyone likes to be around.”
As unfortunate as it was, Sasuke could admit it. Not many members of his clan fell under that description.
“I met someone nice near the Uchiha Quarter!” Naruto exclaimed. “She helped me pick up my stuff and didn’t even yell at me! She had a really pretty smile. Her name was uh, uh, Miko-something?”
Sasuke’s head snapped towards him, eyes widening. “Uchiha Mikoto?”
“Uh huh.” Naruto nodded happily.
“That’s my mom!”
“Your mom?” Naruto scratched his head. “Well how was I s’posed to know that?”
Sakura’s eyes were wide. “I… never even thought of that. Hey Sasuke, is your mom powerful? Does she have crazy Sharingan abilities too?”
“We’re trying to make my mom Hokage?” Sasuke cried, alarmed. He hadn’t ever considered that as one of the possible outcomes of Sakura’s plan.
“She’ll just be one of our options,” Sakura decided. “It’s always good to have a backup plan! But no, I was thinking about other Uchihas. Like. The geniuses.”
“Itachi?” Sasuke immediately said.
Sakura wobbled her head from side to side. “He can also be on the list. But ideally they should be more… people-friendly?”
“Itachi is people-friendly,” Sasuke grumbled, but he furrowed his brow in thought. Out of everyone in the Uchiha clan, Itachi was by far and away the most lauded for his genius, something which Sasuke looked upon with both pride and resentment in equal measure. But Itachi wasn’t the only one. Because although he was regarded as a bit of a fool, there was no denying that the youngest Uchiha to obtain the Sharingan, to have graduated at age seven was—
“Shisui?” Sasuke shrieked.
—
Shisui twitched slightly as his baby cousin stared up at him intently. Deliberately, he blinked. Sasuke did not follow suit.
“So,” he said loudly. “What’s this about, Sasuke-kun?” He chanced a look at Itachi, but his other cousin did not appear to have any answers.
“I have an assignment for class,” Sasuke said. His little gremlin stare never faltered. It was making Shisui nervous. “We have to do a psy-chology experiment.” He pronounced the words very carefully.
Shisui squinted at him. He was pretty sure he’d never done any such experiments for the Academy. Especially not in his first year. Then again, it had been awhile, but still…
Sasuke had a notebook out and was tapping his pencil impatiently. “Do you consent to participate?”
Shisui’s gaze flitted back over to Itachi. His cousin regarded him neutrally. “I already gave my consent.”
Well, alright then. Shisui could sacrifice an hour of training with Itachi to participate in his little cousin’s weird… psychology experiment. “Sure, why not? Hit me with it.”
Sasuke nodded gravely, flipping open his notebook. Shisui tried not to giggle. “Question one,” he read. “What colour should the moon be?”
Shisui snorted, then hastily attempted to conceal it at Sasuke’s responding scowl. “Uh… silver? Yellow?” He attempted. “What kind of experiment is this?”
Sasuke didn’t deign to answer what Shisui would have considered an extremely valid question. He just gave a satisfied nod, before noting something down in his notebook and moving on to the next question.
“Question two. Rabbits. Yes or no?”
Shisui glanced at Itachi. He looked extremely focused, completely invested in whatever nonsense Sasuke was currently spewing.
“Rabbits, otouto?”
“Yes or no?”
Itachi stared hard at Sasuke’s expression. That was his thinking face. Shisui wasn’t entirely sure what he was trying to analyze, but whatever it was, he seemed to come to a conclusion.
“...Yes.”
Shisui decided to pick the opposite answer just for the hell of it. “No. Rabbits are freaky. Did you know I got attacked by a pack of red-eyed rabbits once? Bitey little devils.”
Itachi gave him a look. Sasuke looked extremely displeased, but scribbled something else down in the notebook all the same.
“Hn. Question three: You’re at a fancy, important party and you find out one of your allies is trying to kill you. Do you: a) kill them first, or b) be careful but keep them as an ally?”
Was it just Shisui, or were these questions getting weirder by the minute? This one actually seemed like a plausible scenario-based practice question, but coming out of Sasuke’s mouth, it still just seemed wrong.
“I would determine what risk there would be in offending an important political partner, and if deemed safe, I would assassinate them discreetly, pinning the blame on a separate party,” Itachi responded promptly.
That was a classic Itachi answer — picture perfect, clean, and no-nonsense.
“I’d hang close,” Shisui offered. “Chat them up, keep an eye on them. Act if necessary, but mostly just watch.”
Sasuke jabbed at the paper. “You’re both wrong. The answer is option c) punch them in the face, bond over your tragic backstories and then become friends for life.”
Shisui was so taken aback, that this time, he wasn’t able to stop the loud guffaw from escaping.
“Otouto,” Itachi started carefully. “I know you don’t like when I look over your assignments, but I believe it could be beneficial—”
“Question four!”
“Otouto…”
“Question four,” Sasuke repeated loudly. “There are two tracks. On one side, five people are tied to them. On the other side, there is only one person tied up. There is a train coming—“
“A train?” Itachi interrupted.
Shisui waved a hand. “It’s one of those new transport technologies developing in the Land of Snow. It’s like a giant carriage with multiple carriages attached behind. Steam powered, I think?” He squinted at Sasuke. “Wait a second, since when did you know about that?”
Sasuke simply scowled at him, so Itachi turned back towards the boy. “My apologies, Sasuke. You can continue.”
“There’s a train coming and it’s about to run over the five people and kill them. If you’re standing by the lever that can switch the tracks, would you pull it?”
Itachi tilted his head. “I would pull it. It would be easier to rescue the one rather than attempt to protect five hostages.”
“Nii-san!” Sasuke whined. “That’s not the point! It’s about who you’re going to let die. This question only has two options. For real, this time!”
"That's a bit silly,” Shisui laughed. “In a real-life scenario, I’d be fast enough to untie them all. Or we could just stop the train.”
“Well, it’s not a real-life scenario. It’s all the-o-retical.” Sasuke had an adorably grumpy expression on his face.
“Then I guess I’d pull the lever,” Shisui relented. Itachi nodded in agreement.
Sasuke scribbled something down in his notebook. “Okay. Now what if I were the one tied to the tracks? And—”
“I would never let that happen,” Itachi said instantly.
“Nii-san, you have to let me finish! So if I were the one tied to the tracks, and the other people were Konoha citizens, and the Hokage ordered you to pull the lever, then what would you do?”
The lighthearted mood dropped off very quickly. Shisui exchanged a concerned glance with Itachi.
“Hey, so you said this was a school assignment, right…?”
Sasuke stomped his foot. “You have to answer the question.”
“I would never let that happen,” Itachi repeated fervently. “Never, Sasuke. Do you understand me? You have absolutely nothing to fear. I will ensure it.”
“Yeah, Sasuke-kun,” Shisui agreed. “That’s not a great question, huh? It’s like you’re implying the Hokage would do something like that, which we all know would never happen.” He wasn’t even being sarcastic! Much.
Either way, it probably wasn’t a good thing for Sasuke to be running around questioning out loud.
Pen scratched loudly against paper as Sasuke scribbled the page out irritably. Shisui almost thought he’d finally succumbed to his apparent disgruntlement and they’d be treated to an adorable Sasuke rant. But then he puffed out his cheeks and lifted his head once more, beady black eyes staring right into Shisui’s soul.
“Fine. Question five: Do you believe in aliens?”
…It was going to be a long day.
—
“Okay, so new plan,“ Sakura declared the following day. “Uchiha for Hokage was a bust. We need a new target.“
Sasuke was still sulking about Itachi’s apparent failure. He had never seen his brother flunk a test so abysmally before.
Naruto squinted at her. “Whadd’ya mean?“
“We don’t really need an Uchiha as Hokage. We just need someone Uchiha-friendly. We can work at improving the Uchiha public image ourselves.”
“How do you know they’re going to be a good Hokage?” Sasuke grumped.
Sakura waved a hand. “Just trust me on this. Besides, we also need firepower. It’s better if we get someone really good who can do all the action stuff for us.”
“Nii-san is good!”
“Yeah, maybe,” Sakura allowed. “But he’s probably not easily coerced.”
“Nii-san would help us if I asked him!” Sasuke insisted. Maybe. Probably. Itachi wasn’t always around though. He was busy all the time. He hardly even made time for Sasuke, after all. Sasuke deflated slightly.
“Hey, hey!” Naruto bounced up and down. “So who are we picking?”
Sakura beamed. “Don’t worry. I know just the guy.”
—
And to think the day had started out so well.
Kakashi had woken up that morning with his usual zest for life, which was to say with the normal amount of overwhelming dread about his continued existence. This had been slightly mitigated by the fact that today was the release date of the latest Icha Icha book, one of his only reasons for living.
He’d eaten his breakfast, oiled his tools, spent his allocated time talking to Obito and Sensei, then taken a leisurely stroll towards his favourite book shop. He was in no hurry. While Icha Icha was popular, it wasn’t a complete sensation yet, and besides — very few people were quite as shameless as him. No one else would be caught dead lining up for the opening sales.
So he had planned for a nice, relaxing, peaceful day. Unfortunately, he hadn’t accounted for the pink-haired menace.
Which led to now.
“Out of stock?”
“I’m so sorry, shinobi-san,” the shopkeeper said apologetically. “They were all purchased right as we opened.”
“Every copy?” Kakashi asked incredulously. How was that even possible? “How many did you have?”
“It’s an established series so we ordered a case pack… forty books in total.”
And they sold out of all of them?
“When will it be available again?”
The shopkeeper winced. “The shipment just arrived a couple days ago. We weren’t planning on putting in another order for another month. At the very least. I’m so sorry.”
That was… highly unfortunate to hear.
“Can I interest you in a different series?” They offered. “I can show you some of the other top picks from that section…”
“No, it’s alright,” Kakashi cut her off. He waved a hand loosely. “Maa, I suppose we can rejoice in the fact that so many people support the joy that is Icha Icha.”
The shopkeeper gave him an awkward smile. “…Mm hm— oh, yeah!” They wouldn’t meet his eyes anymore, and he couldn’t help but notice. Something about this had suddenly gotten him feeling slightly suspicious.
“…Who was it that all purchased these books right at opening?”
The shopkeeper shifted in place. “Oh, they were just very enthused…”
Kakashi gave her a nice, friendly smile. “Then you wouldn’t mind giving me a name? I think we have a lot to discuss.”
—
He tracked them down to the Uchiha quarter, and it was there that he got a little bit stuck.
“Uchiha-san,” he greeted.
The guard scowled at him. “Hatake,” he responded stiffly. “Do you have business with the Uchiha clan today?”
“Business?” Kakashi hummed. “I just might.” His gaze drifted towards the side to where a little Uchiha boy was coming back from the Academy.
The guard turned towards him. “Welcome back, Sasuke-kun.”
“Hi, Ren-san,” the boy said. He swept a cursory glance over Kakashi as he passed through the gates — then whipped around and gawked at him a second time.
…Did Kakashi have something on his face?
And then Sasuke — and it was Sasuke, the clan head’s second son and Itachi’s little brother — turned right back around and ran out of the compound.
Well, that wasn’t suspicious at all.
Could he even be blamed for following?
Kakashi stalked Sasuke from the rooftops as he wound his way through the streets. The boy dodged around passerby and ducked through alleys, weaving around the throngs until he reached the civilian quarter. Just what was a clan child doing there? The question was quickly answered once he saw Sasuke enter a park, dart to the very back, and duck behind a large clump of overgrown trees.
It was there that he joined a group of two children: one, an enthusiastically-gesturing pink-haired girl, and two, a very familiar blond child. A boy that he’d spent several hours a week watching over for the past few years. A boy that in another life, very well could have been his own brother.
But here they were, huddling together like three evil, plotting toddlers in a tree.
“I saw him!” Sasuke exclaimed. He was breathing heavily, clearly not yet prepared for sudden dashes across the village. “He was exactly like you said! With the old man hair, and weird mask, and only one eye!”
…Well. That was hardly the worst way he’d ever been described.
“Then he knows,” the girl said gravely. “Alright. We’ve all prepared for this. Everyone knows what to say? Good.”
So Kakashi was apparently being personally targeted. He wasn’t sure if he liked that.
“Let’s get’im!” Naruto cheered, pumping his fist. “And then we’ll—”
All three children bodily flinched as Kakashi dropped out of the tree.
“And then you’ll what?” He asked mildly.
“Teach us cool jutsus or we ruin your freaky adult books!” Naruto blurted.
Kakashi blinked. Was he being extorted right now?
“Idiot,” Sasuke scoffed. “We want him to fight things for us, not that.”
The girl pointed at him, eyes shining with almost frightening determination. “Kakashi! You’re going to be our firepower and do politics for us. Help us save the world!”
“Oh,” she added casually as he was attempting to mentally piece this all together. “And we also took all your books so if you don’t want to get spoiled then you have to do what we say.”
…Now, Kakashi wasn’t one to be easily coerced. But that was an extremely valid threat. Moreover, it wasn’t every day that he got threatened by a bunch of brats. So sue him. He was curious.
So not to say that he wouldn’t take gleeful pleasure in repaying them in kind, but—
“Alright, you menaces. Let’s hear your offer.”