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For as long as Rhodey had known Tony Stark — and, fuck, was it a long time — there were always three quintessential rules about socialising with the man.
Rule number one: Tony Stark doesn’t do physical affection.
Sure, he would kiss Pepper — she was, naturally, the exception — and shake hands with Happy, even on rare occasions throw an arm around Rhodey’s shoulders, but never once would he even consider hugging any of his friends. Rhodey didn’t mind; he knew that the lack of affection (of any kind) in the Stark household while Tony was growing up really screwed with his ability to show his love and appreciation for people through touch.
It was fine, really.
Tony showed his care for his people in other ways, mostly by buying things. Gift giving, Tony Stark could do. A hug? Forget it, he would never consider it. Rhodey was well aware of this, and for that exact reason, he would never even dare to hug Tony without warning. If the other man wanted one, he was always the one to initiate.
Rule number two: Tony Stark doesn’t like being handed things.
This had been one of the first things Rhodey had learned about Tony, he remembered back in their MIT days, when he first tried to hand his friend a stack of papers that their professor had passed out, and Tony had leaned so far away from them that Rhodey was sure he would’ve fallen over. He didn’t, but that was the moment the older man learned something about his best friend. Passing anything to Tony Stark meant placing it down somewhere for him to pick up on his own.
Rhodey had always hated Howard a little extra for that one. Tony had told him how Howard would have him hold his hand out to accept something, only to smack Tony on the hand with whatever he was holding.
Things got worse after Afghanistan.
Tony didn’t like to talk about it, but from what he had said, Rhodey was well aware that Ho Yinsen's needing to hand him things had just furthered whatever trauma hid behind the distaste for it all. It was okay, though, with Tony being who he was; it was more like he was the one handing people things instead of the other way around.
And rule number three: Tony Stark doesn’t sleep.
Okay, that one was a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much. It wasn’t that Tony never slept; it was that his sleep schedule, if it could even be called that, was so sporadic and short on hours that Rhodey barely considered it sleep. It was what made Tony so snappy and brash sometimes; he was running on so little sleep — sometimes as little as 3 hours for four days — that his mouth filter (if he even had one) was shut off.
It wasn’t like Tony was naturally rude. Sassy? Absolutely. Sarcastic? Definitely, that was part of his charm, but he knew how to hold his tongue when he was well rested. The lack of sleep tended to cut off that part of his brain that told him to keep his mouth shut, and the general public came to know Tony Stark as brash.
Rhodey knew better, of course.
And as Tony’s best friend, he also knew that getting the man to sleep was impossible. It didn’t matter who was asking; Tony Stark did not sleep when asked, he slept when he wanted to. That’s just the way things were, the way they always had been. As long as he didn’t tell Tony to go to bed, the sarcastic remarks wouldn’t be directed at him.
These were three rules that were always to be followed when hanging out with Tony Stark. If any of the rules were broken, well, Rhodey would know that he’d crossed the line.
──
Rhodey knew he was taking a chance on being at the tower. He happened to have some time off from the Air Force and had reached out to Pepper, asking if she was okay with him dropping by for a few days for a visit. She readily agreed, knowing just how much it would mean to Tony. Pepper was, of course, Rhodey’s friend too, but Tony was his closest friend, having been so since their time at MIT; nothing would ever be like their friendship.
He did have to text Pepper instead of Tony, though, because, knowing his best friend, Tony would’ve been holed up in the lab and ignoring any and all text messages sent to his phone. Reaching out to Tony was useless; the man checked his phone with the same frequency as a plumber checked electrical lines, rarely. It was a once-in-a-blue-moon type of event, truly.
He’d texted Pepper as soon as he was in front of the Tower, knowing that Happy was busy at the compound this particular day, and she told him to come straight up to the penthouse. He admitted it was a bit of an odd request; it was only seven in the evening, and she usually would have told him to knock on Tony’s lab door, but maybe she was taking the fact that he had more than just an overnight bag with him into consideration. So he’d hopped in the elevator and asked FRIDAY to take him straight up to the top, and she did so without much more than a simple greeting of ‘Welcome back, Honey Bear’.
“Hi, Rhodey,” Pepper greeted him softly when the doors opened, letting him step into the penthouse. She had obviously been home for a while; her usual office attire had been replaced with a pair of linen pants and a long-sleeve shirt. She had an apron tied around her waist, so she was definitely in the middle of making dinner. “I just about started dinner, would you like to give me a hand?”
“Hey, Pepper,” he hummed back, toeing off his shoes and leaving them next to all the other ones in the hall, rolling his small suitcase further into the penthouse with him. “Sure, I’d love to. I’ll go drop my bag off and hang up my coat. Do you want me to get Tony?”
“Oh, there’s no need for that,” she huffed, though there was a fond smile on her face and a twinkle of something he couldn’t pinpoint in her eyes. “It’s the room all the way at the end of the hall, Rhodey.”
And, huh, that was new. Usually, when he did come to stay at the Tower, he would take up residence in the room directly across from the primary bedroom, but as he walked by it, he noticed that the door had been painted a navy blue. It definitely hadn’t been navy blue before, and it was undoubtedly the only door in the entire penthouse that was that colour. He decided not to dwell on it for now, shuffling into his guest room and hanging up his coat so that he could get to the kitchen to help Pepper out.
“Here,” she murmured, her voice still oddly low for being in her own home, as she handed him an apron. “We’re having linguine pomodoro tonight, if that’s alright with you.”
“Yeah, I’m good with that,” he replied, glancing towards the living room and noticing that the TV was on, playing an episode of MythBusters on low volume. Pepper almost never watched MythBusters alone. He pulled his attention away from the living room and to the kitchen counter, only then registering how much food there was. “Uh, Pepper? This seems like an awful lot of food for just the three of us…”
“Oh, it’s four of us, actually,” she laughed quietly, nodding towards the sofa, though Rhodey couldn’t see anyone, if there was anybody. Maybe they were lying across it. “Go on, have a look. Try not to wake them, they were up early this morning, they deserve a little nap.”
So he did as he was told, wandering his way over to the couch as quietly as he could. He peered over the back of it only to get the shock of his life. Tony Stark was not only asleep, but curled up with a teenage boy tucked into his chest, one arm protectively around the boy’s head as small puffs of air escaped both their lips.
That was two of the three cardinal Tony Stark rules that were broken.
Rhodey wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Maybe he was dreaming? That had to be it, because no way would Tony be taking a nap at seven in the evening, the Tony he knew wouldn’t even be up in the penthouse to have dinner at this time. He would be down in his lab, tinkering away for three days on end, living off of canned soup, coffee and disgusting smoothies until his body protested enough for him to drag his sorry ass upstairs and to bed. Then a proper meal in the morning, maybe some catching up on whatever he missed with the company by Pepper’s demand, before he was back to half-killing himself in the lab.
“I’m hallucinating, right?” He questioned as he stepped back into place with Pepper, picking up a knife and dicing the tomatoes that had been placed in front of him, still reeling from the shock of it all. “That’s not real, is it? Is that a hologram? A joke Tones decided to play on me?”
“No, Rhodey,” Pepper chucked, stripping the basil of its leaves while the pasta on the stove boiled. “It’s very much real. Peter’s on Christmas break right now, and the two of them have been down in the lab since six this morning. Peter specifically requested linguine pomodoro and, well, who am I to say no? You should see those eyes, they’re impossible to say no to.”
Rhodey smiled awkwardly, looking behind him to stare at the back of the couch momentarily before tossing a handful of the diced tomatoes into a bowl Pepper had provided. It still felt like some crazy fever dream.
“Uh, and who is Peter?” The question was awkward, but his brain and mouth were currently disconnected from each other, and his brain was clearly the one that was lagging behind.
“I’ll let Tony introduce the two of you,” she said, giving the pasta a quick stir to prevent it from sticking to itself. “For now, all I’ll say is he’s Tony’s kid.”
“Right,” he mumbled, unable to fathom the idea of Tony having a kid, a teenage son that he didn’t know about. Maybe it was best not to dwell on it for now, he’ll just wait until they’re all sat together at the table in a little bit. “So, how are things with the company?”
Pepper quickly launched into a spiel about a mishap on one of the R&D floors they’d had recently, recounting how an entire laboratory had exploded. Rhodey listened, nodding, allowing and providing input and commentary where he could as they worked on making dinner together. It was nice; catching up with Pepper was always lovely. If Tony were actually awake, he’d be in the middle of their conversation, interrupting them with anecdotes about how ‘it wasn’t that bad’ and ‘it was merely an accident’. Rhodey had grown to love the sass throughout the years, but that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy a pleasant conversation without the Stark Snark — as he had coined it — on the rare occasion.
“I should go wake the boys up,” Pepper sighed fondly, turning the heat on the stove off as soon as the food was ready. “Go hang up the apron, Rhodey, and get yourself a plate and sit down. We’ll join you soon.”
He did as he was told, but he couldn’t help but watch Pepper while he loaded up his plate with his dinner. It was as if she was so used to all of this, to Tony sleeping and being affectionate, none of it seemed to faze her at all. Rhodey envied her a bit; he was still having trouble wrapping his head around the whole thing.
“Boys,” Pepper called out gently, reaching down to touch Tony on the shoulder and give him a little shake. Tony must have opened his eyes and grumbled his protest because Pepper was laughing, shaking her head fondly. “You have to get up, we have a guest.”
“What do you mean, a guest, Pep?” Tony grunted, this time loud enough for Rhodey to hear.
“Well, Honey,” she huffed, standing up with her hands on her hips. “If you would look behind you, you’d see.”
Tony lifted his head just enough to crane his neck around the back of the sofa, the sleep leaving his eyes immediately when they landed on Rhodey, and the older man let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. Good, at least Tony was still excited to see him; they were still friends, Rhodey hadn’t been cut out of his life.
“Platypus!” Tony cheered softly, a grin on his face. “Hang on, just a sec.”
Rhodey watched as Tony carefully manoeuvred himself out of the tangle of limbs that he was a part of and placed a gentle hand on Peter’s head, whispering softly to the boy.
“Hey, Roo,” Rhodey heard him murmur, followed by some shuffling around. “It’s time for dinner, and we have a guest.”
There was a bit of a pause, and Rhodey assumed Peter was saying something, but it was too soft for him to hear.
“No, it’s not Happy here to threaten you to clean his back seat again,” Tony laughed, and Pepper looked at Rhodey with an expression that was a mix of exasperation and fondness; he couldn’t help but smile. “No, it’s actually Rhodey.”
“Oh, my God, War Machine!” Peter’s head shot up from where he was so fast that Rhodey was surprised the boy didn’t pass out from the head rush.
“Uh, Iron Patriot,” Rhodey still had the sense to attempt to correct the boy, though he was far too busy staring at him to really have an umph behind the words. It was like he was staring at a teenage Tony that a time machine had spit out in front of him. The same hair, the same eyes, even the same jawline.
“No, sorry, sir,” Peter shook his head, standing up and straightening out the hoodie he was wearing. Rhodey noted it was the hoodie he had gifted Tony the year before. “War Machine is so much cooler than Iron Patriot.”
“Kid’s got a point there, Honey Bear,” Tony grinned, wide and happy as he threw an arm around Peter’s shoulder, practically pressing him into his side. “So, dinner?”
──
Rhodey was dying to ask all the questions that had been compiling in his mind since he first set foot in the penthouse, but he had managed to keep his mouth shut until they were all sitting around the dining room table together. Peter and Tony were still side-by-side, with Pepper across from her fiancé, and Rhodey was seated next to her. He thought it was finally the right time to begin his interrogation.
“I believe proper introductions are in order,” he settled on saying, watching as Peter put his fork down on the table and held out a hand for him to shake.
“Sorry, sir,” he apologised, his cheeks pink and his smile sheepish. “I’m Peter Parker-uh Stark. Sorry, that’s-uhm, I’m still getting used to that.”
Rhodey shot a questioning look at Tony, who, thankfully, seemed to understand.
“Long story short,” the other man started, twirling some pasta onto his fork. “I have a son I didn’t know about.”
“Sorry, what?” Rhodey knew that it was true; he was staring at the proof right in front of him. That didn’t make it any less difficult to process.
“Crazy, I know,” Tony shrugged, absentmindedly accepting the pepper grinder from Peter as he passed it to him. And there was the third cardinal rule being broken. Tony Stark did, in fact, allow his son to hand him things. “I started off as the kid’s mentor; he’s got one hell of a brain on him.”
Peter blushed again at that, vehemently shaking his head, but one glance at Pepper confirmed what Tony said to be true. Peter was smart, probably genius-level smart. Rhodey would love to pick his brain sometime during his stay.
“Anyway,” Tony continued once he had swallowed his bite. “Happy and Pep kept saying over and over again how much Peter is like me, how he has my eyes, my mannerisms, how we move as one unit in the lab. Happy told me it was like having a mini-me around, Pep kept asking if I was sure he wasn’t mine. I got tired of the constant harping, so I decided to run a paternity test, just to clear the air, yannow? Turned out to be a match and, well, here we are.”
“And…” Rhodey trailed off expectantly, watching as Peter practically inhaled his food, already halfway done with the plate.
“And so I worked out a custody arrangement with his aunt,” Tony elaborated, smiling quickly at his son. “He practically lives here full time since his aunt is a nurse, but on her days off he goes and stays with her in Queens. It’s only fair, she’s the wonderful woman who raised him.
“I’m telling May you said that,” Peter grinned as he polished off the last of his plate, standing up and grabbing himself for seconds. Rhodey watched, brow furrowed in concern as Peter shoveled another mountain of pasta onto his plate.
“Go on and tell her,” Tony retorted, his eyebrow raised. “It’ll just earn me brownie points with her.”
“Ugh, you’re right,” Peter grumbled jokingly, sitting down and immediately busying himself with another mouthful.
“I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t normally comment on something like this,” Rhodey blurted, still staring at Peter as he ate. “But it’s kind of freaking me out how much the kid is eating. Is that normal for teenagers? I could’ve sworn I didn’t eat this much when I was his age.”
Tony burst out laughing at that, Peter ducking his head to hide the amused smile that Rhodey still spotted from his seat, and Pepper merely chuckled softly, shaking her head.
“It’s not normal for most teens,” she decided to be the one to respond, apparently. “But Peter’s a bit different, aren’t you? Why don’t you introduce yourself, sweetheart? Before you freak your Uncle Rhodey out even more.”
Huh. He’d never been Uncle Rhodey before, he didn’t come to the Tower today expecting to be Uncle Rhodey, but he found that he quite liked it actually. He was going to make sure that the name stuck, no matter how much Peter tried to protest.
“Uhm,” the boy paused for a moment, turning to face his dad who only nodded silently in encouragement.
“Go on, bud,” Tony murmured when Peter still hesitated, his eyes shifting over to look Rhodey, expression warm. Rhodey hadn’t seen that look in his friend’s eyes in a long time, he was beyond overjoyed to see it right now. “Rhodey can keep a secret, can’t you?”
“‘Course I can!” He exclaimed, grinning. “I won’t tell a soul, I swear.”
“Okay,” Peter nodding, taking in a deep breath. “Okay, um… Hi, I’m Spider-Man.”
Rhodey blinked.
That-wasn’t exactly what he was expecting. He thought he was going to hear literally anything else, possibly a medical condition, not that his nephew was the web-slinging vigilante that patrolled the streets of Queens multiple nights a week.
“You know what,” he hummed, watching the identical nervous — but guarded — expressions on the father-son duo’s faces. “I’m sure you have your reasons and explanations, and you can give them to me tomorrow. For tonight, let’s just enjoy dinner and catching up, yeah? Tones, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me as soon as you found out.”
Tony puffed out a sigh of relief, laughing quietly.
“Yeah, it’s been one hell of a ride, I just got swept up in it, but let me tell you all about it right now,” he replied, smile so wide Rhodey was sure his face was going to split in half.
Rhodey may not be able to break the three rules about socialising with Tony Stark, he may never be able to, but seeing how happy Tony was right now? Rhodey was so, so glad that Peter was there. And that Peter was allowed to cross the line. He really wouldn’t have it any other way.